Old Money Envy

"Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help"

[thelastmessagereceived]

“I don’t want to hurt you baby, I love you, I promise I’m not going to leave, I want us to say together for a while.” 

But he did leave, he did hurt me, he left with no explanation.

[thelastmessagereceived]

“we’ve got to move on now or it’ll only get harder. but know that if you ever need me to make you laugh, I’ll be there” - the last text my ex sent me, we haven’t spoken since then. it’s been 3 months.

[thelastmessagereceived]

“I give up on you”

[thelastmessagereceived]

‘Just leave the love part of us. Why does it have to be loving each other or nothing?’

[thelastmessagereceived]

“But thanks for thinking of me.”

From someone I consider my closest friend, who I’ve known for over 6 years. The almost ‘formal’ tone of it is upsetting. However, it’s been like this for awhile. It’s horrible when your “favourite person in the world” can so easily fall into a “hi” once in a blue moon. 

[pagayaa]

[thelastmessagereceived]

I invited him to come watch my play every day for a month and he always said he was gonna come because that’s what friends do, but then he didn’t show up. I asked him why and this is what I got.

[thelastmessagereceived]

“you’re bad for me.”

“that’s why i love you so much.”

[thelastmessagereceived]

I still miss him.

[thelastmessagereceived]

From my dad;

‘I’m coming to see you this weekend’

He never came.

[thelastmessagereceived]

“I’ll always miss you but i have to say goodbye and get used to your absence”

[thelastmessagereceived]

In the world, how many different types of people exist means how many types of love you may feel. His love, the attachment is true and the pain is real. 

[thelastmessagereceived]

He told me he still loved me a few days before this. We had been best friends for 4 years and also in love with each other. Then he pulled a 180 on me and acted like a complete stranger. I haven’t heard from him since.

[thelastmessagereceived]

(We dated for ten months, over two years ago. But still, we always came back to each other, first real love and all that. He had texted me, asking what I remember about him.)

“I remember that you loved me.” “Well that’s cliche.” “I remember you used to worry about me.”

(And after that, I didn’t get a response. So, I guess he doesn’t worry about me much anymore.)

[thelastmessagereceived]

He said he’d always be there for me. Maybe that was always a lie.

[thelastmessagereceived]

“I’m not responding because it’s better that you shouldn’t talk to me. Your feelings won’t leave you if you keep speaking to me for now. I’m sorry it has to be this way but it’s for your own good.”

[thelastmessagereceived]

There never was a then. He didn’t show up. And then I didn’t hear from him. And then I said goodbye.