Olive.

mtf, Bi, Ana

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When the obese waiter judges me so fucking hard about ordering a Diet Coke and not ordering food. Legit said “oh trying to watch you weight” proceeds to bring me a regular coke and makes a big deal about bringing me a new diet one. Like I get it your envious of me but trying to bring others down who are thinner than you is an asshole thing to do

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Have you eaten? No

Are you hungry? No

Arn’t you going to order something? No

Wan’t to go to this bbq I’m throwing this weekend? No

Are you okay? No

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Having Anorexia really makes you realize how much you used to eat as something to do. Bored with friends? Idk let’s go get lunch. 10am on a Saturday at home. Let’s go eat brunch. So much of western culture and how people spend their time and plan their days is so centralized on meal time it’s something you really don’t notice untill you stop eating.

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Daily routine:

Don’t Eat

Sleep

Repeat

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“Ana. My friends may hate you. My family may try to get rid of you. I will never leave you.”

-Olive

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12/30/18

Today was just a bad day. Nothing more to say

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I stepped on the scale this morning and nothing changed from yesterday. I was really upset but remember how long it had been since I wen’t so after a long period of struggling you know where I came back and weighed myself again. I have dropped another pound from yesterday and nearly cried tears of happiness.

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Ana is the best, most unconditional friend I will ever have. I just have to follow one rule.

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12/29/18

Today was okay

Positives:

Wen’t to aquatic center and swam for a bit

Wen’t to gym to workout

Family brought me Japanese steakhouse food but I refused to eat it

Lost a pound yetsurday even though I was positive for the day

Negatives:

Didn’t start my day untill 4pm

ate 300 cal ham sub on wheat bread

but it was okay because my workout more than burned it so I’m still negative for today.

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12/28/18

Today was mostly good.

Positives:

Had a 2 hour workout at sky zone

Met a really nice stranger who sat and talked with me and gave him $20 for a bus ticket. He needed that money more then I did

spent the day with my sister

set up plans for New Years

Today was a meal day so I had a 200 cal salad from Whole Foods

Also had a 300 cal Grilled chicken sandwich

Negatives:

Eating today really stressed me out and put me in a depressed mood

Was talked down on by someone from a YouTube livestream both me and one of my supporters and really made me feel sad about seeking help

I’m paranoid about whether my car drives as well as it did before the crash now that it was repaired 😅

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12/27/18

Today was good.

Positives:

Didn’t eat any meals

Gym workout

Car returned from the shop

Had a good chat with liss

Happy about current look of collarbone. Still could be better

Nicotine dependence is almost gone. Feel completely fine on 18mg juice coming from 50mg and don’t feel nearly as many urges to hit my juul or urges to wan’t to buy pods.

Negatives:

Dehydration plus cotton mouth from Concerta

Made me super uncomfortable at the gym.

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My Collarbone makes me so happy