@on-ice-virgin - Tumblr Blog

i am and will always be a linus ullmark apologist

#he can do no wrong.#esp bc he’s never done anything wrong in his entire life #what a man what a man what a mighty good man #bruins lb #let’s just be honest he is single-handedly saving their asses rn

omgcp walked so that heated rivalry could run

#heated rivalry #omg check please #no further questions your honor

locklylemybeloved

jack zimmerman is so hot i wish ice hockey was real

lovelylittlelosers

#waffling between missing person and active risk #omgcp #check please

homobiwan

Now that check please will likely have a resurgence in 2025 we need to talk about how fucked up it is that ngozi deleted the tweet about nursey and dex having one (1) night of passion and never discussing it ever again

#check please #bring it back!!!!#in my check please 2025 era!!!!

ivecarvedawoodenheart

Holster goes into Samwell thinking he’s gonna hate Jack because Jack’s soooo talented at hockey and soooo well connected and soooo rich but he actually hates Jack because Holster mentioned SNL and Jack was like “Oh. Is that … a class”

petals42

addition: Alicia Zimmermann has hosted SNL.

ivecarvedawoodenheart

Jack: Ten years ago I convinced an acquaintance of mine that I had no idea what SNL was. Today I’m hosting.

Holster, from the audience: And you’re still an ASSHOLE

Jack: Sometimes I can still hear his voice.

52pk-deactivated20250307

jeremy swayman the man that you are…

#i’m literally not explaining this #i can’t

petition to mic me up during a bruins game to get some actually funny audio

#boston bruins #nhl bruins #bruinsblr #js #not trying to be a hater but like.#i would have unique funny sound bites #nhl teams be like: more ____ on the mic #the player on the mic: mostly bleeped out bantering and a single non threatening interaction with the refs plus screaming from a goal #i would be superior i’m sorry

titsbeauvillier

things i could do without ever seeing again:

live sports

espn+

originals

30 for 30 library

exclusive articles

and tools

top leagues

and tournaments

best stories in sports

okay not to be too dramatic but. i think i have like. a low-level curse or something connected to my birthday

#every year. without fail #i try to make plans for my birthday #very lowkey plans #nothing extravagant or even all that interesting #and every year #without fail #they fall through #for example #two years ago my mom was going to come visit #planned this for like 2 months #week of/night before my birthday she called to tell me she cancelled her flight bc she couldn't make it #last year #i invited one of my friends to come celebrate #like the week before they cancelled #this year me and my friend were very very minimally discussing some fun stuff to do for my birthday #and her dad is going into hospice now and she isn't going to be here #that's not even going back to high school or college #isthere.... liek is there something wrong with me #i just want to have a nice birthday #and feel loved #and apparently that is too much to ask #my therapist is going to be hearing about this one

orrsoared

When a dog licks your face it’s “cute” and they’re showing “affection,” but when Brad Marchand does it? It’s “gross” and “against league policy.” Make up your mind!

kuraleaping

please. just let me start a hockey podcast. i beg.

#hockey #nhl #nobody and nothing is preventing me let me be very clear #i’m mostly referencing my brain and the universe #i think it would be fun. i think my takes would be so hot #the grubby cishet white guys would be SO mad and probably be mean to me but i would be Correct #anyway i see many people doing hockey podcast content #but every one i’ve seen have been cishet white dudes #at least presumably they sure are cishet coded LMAO #and i don’t really see a queer POV on hockey ANYWHERE in the podcast sphere #or a non male POV tbh #i just think it would be fun.#me and my queer bestie screaming about hockey?#(i don’t have a hockey related queer bestie that’s one of the main barriers)#anyway

skellydun

im going to a happy hour type thing at a hockey arena that includes a tour of the Penguins locker room and all I'm going to be thinking about is how people think they fuck each other in there

#seeing someone who is NOT a hockey account talk about hockey is breaking my third wall #omg sport is real!!!#people don’t think. they know.

when you’re vibing but then your team has lost three in a row and the coach pulls your bestie from goal but you’ve done nothing wrong in your entire life

#that locker room during intermission must’ve been something #i yearn to know what he looked like. i bet it was this #or the one where he’s just Sitting in full gear with a microphone #but that’s less funny #boston bruins #linus ullmark #bruinsblr

raise ur hand if the united center and bl*ckh*wks PR team personally contacted you on the phone today 🙋

#and get my girlboss sign is still in the garbage somewhere #and linus ullmark still ignored my existence #so thanks for nothing ig?#also change ur mascot the 30 second appreciation of indigenous people at the start of the game is performative and we all know it #a ranting raving bitchy email after a terrible waste of money leads to this ig #chicago is fine but the NHL component is AWFUL

nando161mando

Pro-homosexual forces stay winning

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