I was tired these past few months. I had a lot of trials and difficulties may it be personal, family, friends, or even in studies and my career. As they happened simultaneously, I thought having sleepless nights would compensate for facing those, and that having a full night sleep would recuperate for what I have been lacking. That maybe if I wonât let those sink in and neglect the problems, it wonât caught me up. I will be fine as long as I will be numb to it. But no, I was wrong. It was more than that kind of tiredness from everything. Just woke up at around 4 PM today. I had a super safe-and-sound sleep last night that as soon as I woke up, I felt so light. I just remembered what happened last friday night. And it was then again a life changing moment for me. The smell of the smoke. The blinding lights. The booze of the music. The swaying of hips that matched every beat. The taste of the liquor. They all blended so well. I couldnât remember the last time I went to a bar but this feels like my first time. The previous times, I was filling myself with the hope of trying something new, something different...trying to find out if that world will fit me in. Last night, despite having all the alcohol invade my system, I didnât even shake a bit. Unusually, I was sober the whole time no matter the amount I was taking in. I wasnât even tipsy. Maybe through the years, I got immune to it. Maybe, someone taught me to be stronger and I had no choice but to be like one. Drink after drink, I realized that though, this wasnât my world, I let myself enter it again. At exactly the same time last year, I remembered me throwing up and my throbbing head as the world felt like it rotated fast. But last night was different. I didnât feel anything at all as if the alcohol had no effect on me. I woke up with the memories of the midnight and just thought of it as a bittersweet one. I smiled. I woke up like it was any other ordinary day with no hangover or anything. I wasnât missing anything. I just smiled. With some stranger hitting up on me and persuading me to go with him, others are eyeing me from their couches and another was intentionally touching my butt. I didnât care. All I said was, âNoâ and fortunately they let me be as I danced the night off the dancefloor. I let myself slay it all. I let myself feel the moment. Maybe this is what I have been waiting for. With no butâs, no reservations, not thinking of anything or anyone, I felt so light. And a new hope filled me. That though, I had a life so full of uncertainties and maybeâs, I had a night so sure of something. That I might have been afraid all this time of what my past would affect me and what my future would bring, but right now, all I care for is the present for my self. And maybe last night, I let go of the things that have been bothering me for so long. I let go of my grasp on the burden. I have forgotten them sometimes but at that moment, I forgave. I forgave them all as I let go. And right now, I keep on forgiving myself for all the things I didnât become and attain through those. It left me thinking that having a new world is still possible. That I can conquer yet another world. The becoming of a stalwart woman despite having weaknesses and failures. Good Night!
vaporwave
2087
stormborns
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
germansingergirl
romaincrisis
