17: When you move to a new town, you don’t expect to run into your high school sweetheart. Old feelings begin to arise and you are suddenly faced with the complexity of relationships, communication, and the struggle for true connection.
Warning: 18+ only. contains sexual themes and content, use of cigarettes, toxic behaviors, destructive behaviors, miscommunications, complex feelings, jealousy, anxiety, loneliness, reader x Ace mentions, cheating, depression, slow burn, angst, desc. of a panic attack
Sanji lays limp across his couch, head flat on the cushion with one leg thrown over the arm and the other awkwardly hanging off. Too short to accommodate Sanji’s height. But he was uncaring.
Smoke fills his lungs. The only effort he can offer within his low state was the movement of hand to mouth, already finishing the fresh pack of cigarettes he had stored away. His apartment reeks of nicotine and depression. It would be a miracle if he didn’t get kicked out if his landlord were to see its state.
Sanji’s heart is pounding in his chest. Ringing in his ears. So intense that it fills the apartment… It’s actually deafeningly loud in the apartment.
Then his head snaps up.
The door practically rattles from how intensely someone pounds on it. “Sanji!” A muffled yell follows soon after. “Sanji, Sanji, Saaaaanji!” The noise doesn’t cease. Even as Sanji watches the wood rattling from his place on the couch. No matter how silent he is. Luffy would never relent, if the phone calls were any indication.
His neighbors certainly had to be growing tired.
Sanji peels himself from the couch, feeling as if each limb had to be manually maneuvered, all the way to the door. He peers through the peephole to see Luffy leaning in try and peer into his apartment through it. Not that such a thing would ever work. It almost pulls a smile to Sanji’s face.
Almost.
He flicks the lock to tug the door open, barely cracking it enough to lay a single eye on Luffy. The guy lights up and Sanji doesn’t even have the energy to hold his own as he shoves his way inside. Sanji trips over his own feet in the doors swing.
Suddenly Luffy is standing in Sanji’s apartment with his nose wrinkled. “Thought you weren’t supposed ta smoke inside?” Luffy casts his eyes around the room. The shades were drawn and all the lights were out. The only thing preventing him from total darkness was the glow of the tv- nothing playing, just on.
“Why are you here?” Sanji’s voice is strained and he suddenly realizes that this is the first time he has spoken in two days. His throat was wrecked with the crying he has been doing. Entirely broken.
“I’m worried about you.” Luffy simply states, plopping himself onto the couch. Sanji frowns at the intrusion. What he wouldn’t give to just collapse back into the cushions, entirely alone. “So what happened? Nami told me that you picked Y/N up from Liberty Street when she got stood up.” He watches Sanji closely. “She never called any of us, we found out from Nami after.”
Something akin to anger flared up inside of him. The fact that no one else was there for you, regardless of the circumstances. You deserved someone who could always be there for you. If Ace was going to be that guy, he needed to step it up. Be the man you deserved.
Sanji feels sick at the thought.
“Sanji, come on.” Luffy’s voice brings him back.
He collapses onto the couch beside of Luffy. Sanji finally takes a real deep breath, full of something other than cigarette smoke, and shakily lets it out. Then another. Then they come in quick succession. His lungs burn and his hands shake. Sanji knows that there are tears streaming down his cheeks but he can’t stop them. This isn’t the first time it has happened today.
Sanji holds his breath. Trying to stop the quickened gasps for air- you can’t have a panic attack if you stop breathing, he reasons. His nose is running through all his efforts of crying. Luffy smacks a hand on his back and he gasps a breath of air.
His hands squeeze at the fabric of the couch, knuckles turning white. Unable to get a full breath. Panic flares inside of him.
He can hear Luffy’s voice breaking through it all. Rambling on about some meal he had that he really wants Sanji to recreate. Good. This was good. Sanji focuses on the words. Allowing his mind to consider what ingredients he would need. The techniques he would use. All the way down to the knife cuts to prepare such a thing.
Suddenly he is breathing evenly.
His eyes burn. Sanji is exhausted through his combined efforts of panic attacks, tears, and the lack of sleep. He wanted this day to be over already. And then the next day. And then the next day. Until his heart could finally get over itself and heal… if that could ever happen.
Sanji can hear the sound of his own voice but he doesn’t even know what words he is saying. Luffy seems to actually be listening though, eyes locked on Sanji, hand placed comfortingly on his back. He feels his lips forming the words. Droning on. And on. And on. Until everything is spilled out at his feet.
“Three days ago.” Luffy wonders aloud, head tipping and lips poking out in the effort to think. “What time?”
“What?”
“What time did you run into Ace?”
It was a stupid question that Sanji didn’t even know the answer to. Why did it even matter? The clock was the least of his worries when he felt like his legs no longer worked.
“I was with Ace.” Luffy states, blinking slowly. “Well, I was in the car, but I was with him that day. We went by her apartment to grab something that Ace borrowed from Sabo.” He rambles on and Sanji’s brows furrow further. “It was something he left back when they were hooking up, but they don’t do that anymore. Ace is into some girl at the gym and, well, she’s into you.”
Sanji stares at Luffy for a long time. Face void of emotion. Processing. Then his voice comes out clipped, “What?”
“What?” Luffy asks, confused. “You didn’t talk to her? Ask why Ace was there?”
He hadn’t, and suddenly he feels like the biggest idiot in the world over it. Sanji drops his face into his hands, tugging at his bangs, and letting out a deep groan. Three days. Three days of a deep depression over the woman he was in love with. The woman that he fumbled so horribly.
Could you ever forgive him?
“I’m an idiot.” Sanji groans into his palms.
“Kind of.”
“I’m so stupid.”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t deserve her.”
“Well that’s not true.”
“She’s too good for me.”
“Maybe.”
“You’re not helping right now.”
“Probably not.” There’s a certain humor laced in Luffy’s voice. It should make Sanji annoyed but his glare holds no heat. Sanji couldn’t ever be mad at the one person that didn’t give up on him. “So what are you gonna do?”
“I have…” Sanji’s hands fumble around in a search for his phone. “I have to call her.” He finally finds the device, shooting straight up and pacing as he hits call. It rings. And rings. And rings.
Before the ringing ends and he is sent to voicemail. Sanji hangs up the phone and yells out in frustration, collapsing back onto the couch and dropping his face in his hands. “Hey, it’s okay-“
“No it’s not! She’s not answering me. She probably hates me, Luffy. What am I supposed to do?” Tears well up in Sanji’s eyes and his breathing increases.
“Here, okay, try calling her on my phone.” Luffy holds it out to him and Sanji doesn’t hesitate to snatch it out of his hands. It takes Sanji a moment to find the goofy contact name that belongs to you, his only indication being the contact picture taken at an angle above your head, looking down at you. It would be an unflattering picture for anyone else but Sanji smiles at how adorable you look in it.
He hits call, waiting. Sanji isn’t even sure he is breathing. Then it connects. “Luffy.” Nami’s voice rings through the line in greeting.
Sanji launches into his rambling. He’s not even sure what he is saying but he can hear Nami’s annoyed sigh. “Is she at your place?” The question breaks through to his consciousness.
“She is.” Nami’s voice is clipped.
“Nami, please I need to see her. I need to explain how stupid I am, and that this is all a misunderstanding. I- I need to see her, please.” Sanji stumbles over his words in a haste to word vomit it all out. To beg your friend to see you.
“Sanji.” It’s an exasperated sigh. Disappointed.
“Nami, please.” Sanji sighs, feeling the tears welling up. He would get on his hands and knees to beg if it came down to it. He was desperate. “I love her. I love her so much and I just need to make it up to her. I can’t lose her, Nami.”
“Fine, make it quick though.” Then the call ends.
Sanji’s eyes shoot to Luffy, who has been surprisingly quiet through it all. “I have to go to Nami’s she- she’s there.”
“I’ll drive.” Luffy eyes him closely. Sanji opens his mouth to protest but Luffy has already collected his keys and made it halfway to the door. “You shouldn’t be behind the wheel right now.”
The two bolt out of his apartment, Sanji rushing Luffy impatiently all the way down to his car. Then even more so as Luffy begins driving. The guy already ignored the speed limit but Sanji wanted him to go faster. To get him there quicker. He needed to see you now.
Luffy barely makes it into the parking spot before Sanji is stumbling out of the car. He feels sick to his stomach. Sanji runs ahead, electing to take the stairs as if they would be any faster. Two at a time. His lungs burning far worse than they have been the past three days.
As he throws the stairwell door open, he watches Luffy step out of the elevator, laughing humorously when he notices Sanji out of breath. “Come on, stupid.” Luffy waves him on as he waltzes causally up to Nami’s door. Carefree. A stark contrast to how Sanji felt.
They both pound impatiently on Nami’s door. It swings open to reveal the red head with a more angered expression than Sanji had ever seen. Her eyes jump between the two of them, lips pursed in a thin line, before she allows them both in. Sanji attempts to burst inside to find you, but stops as Nami presses her palm into his chest.
She waits for Luffy to disappear further inside before turning her glare to Sanji. “Explain. Then i’ll determine if it’s even worth her time and energy.” Her arms cross over her chest.
Sanji sighs, ruffling his fingers through his hair. As annoyed as he was about the delay, part of him was happy that Nami cared for you so much. “I broke up with Vera, after everything that happened between us, and when I came over to tell her,” Sanji shakes his head. He felt so stupid to believe you would do such a thing to him. “I saw Ace leaving her apartment. I thought-“ His eyes flicker away for a moment and Nami lets out a sigh. He meets her gaze to see that it has softened. “But Luffy explained everything and now I see how big of an idiot I am.”
“You are an idiot.” Nami watches him carefully. “But she doesn’t like when I say that, lucky for you.”
“I am lucky.” The words rush out of him. “Please just let me talk to her.”
Nami’s jaw locks, “You hurt her.” Her hands ball into fists. “I want to hit you upside the head or something for doing that to her. You’re lucky I’m not screaming at you right now.”
“I know.” Sanji sighs. “I know.”
She stares at Sanji long and hard. Eyes raking over his face in effort to find something in his expression. What she was looking for, he isn’t even sure that she knows herself. Finally her shoulders drop. “She’s in my room.” And then Nami is turning to venture into her apartment.
Sanji makes a beeline for the door, hesitating only for a moment to take a breath, before opening the door and stepping inside. Only then does he freeze, watching as your pacing stalls and your eyes turn to him. Silence envelopes the room.
“I see Nami let you past.” You clear your throat as you speak, shifting on your heels.
“Yeah.” Sanji breathes, trying to gather his thoughts now that he stands in your presence. It was a harder task than he expected.
Silence lingers.
“Look I’m-“
“I tried to-“
You both stop talking as quickly as you started. Sanji takes a deep breath, “Me first, please.” He slowly crosses the room to move closer to you. “I need to explain how big of an idiot I am.”
“Don’t call yourself an idiot.” Your voice is small. Sanji feels his heart skip a beat. Then you take a breath and sit on the edge of Nami’s bed, nodding at the empty space at your side. You don’t seem angry and Sanji is more than grateful for that.
He takes place beside of you. “First, I broke up with Vera.” Sanji watches as your head snaps up to look at him, brows pulled together as you offer a cute, confused look.
“Then why-“
“I ran straight to Vera’s when I left your place. It was like two in the morning. She, uh, she said a lot.” His head bows. He sees your fingers twitch as if you want to reach out, but ultimately they stay at your side. Sanji frowns at this. “Then, the next day I came to your apartment. Ran up the stairs because I was so excited to see you,” Sanji’s hair falls further in his eyes as he shakes his head. “But I saw Ace leaving your place.”
“Oh.” Is all you say, shoulders dropping. “It’s not-“
“I know that now.” Sanji ruffles his fingers in his hair so that he has a clear view of you, only blocking one of his eyes. “But I thought the two of you… So I went home. And I don’t think I moved off of my couch in three days.”
He hears a sharp intake of breath, “Why didn’t you talk to me? I could have told you that it was nothing and this whole thing could have been avoided!”
“I know.” Sanji’s eyes fall to his hands. He presses the pads of his fingers together, applying light pressure, then relaxing. “It’s just, I don’t know, something Vera said really got to me.”
“What did she say?” Your voice is soft, caring. Emotions squeeze at Sanji’s throat and he can’t bring himself to answer. Then, one of your hands falls atop his folded hands. “What did she say, Sanji?” Still soft. No shred of impatience or aggravation in your tone.
“That, uh, you will eventually realize how unloveable I am.” He allows his fingers to brush over your palm. “How worthless I am.”
You’re silent for a long moment. Processing the words, turning them around in your mind, debating. It made Sanji nervous. As if he expected you to suddenly agree and kick him out.
But you don’t. Instead, you shift even closer to him. “You’re none of that.” Your voice is low, fingers catching his chin to turn his face to you. He meets your eyes and his breath hitches. “I was… I was devastated when you didn’t show up. I wasn’t angry, but I was so scared that something happened. That I would just lose you and never even know why.” Your forehead drops to lean against his. Enveloping the two of you in your own little bubble. “I wanted to be mad and yell at you over this whole thing.” Your hand moves from his chin to brush back into his hair. Sanji relishes in the feeling. “I couldn’t do any of that. All I wanted was you. I was ready to drop everything when you called me because I love you, Sanji. And I need you. And i’m not mad at you. And you’re so good.”
He doesn’t even realize there are tears in his eyes until you’re brushing them away. “I’m sorry.” The words tumble from his mouth before he can even think about them. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.” You coo the words to him, shifting so that he can fall into your embrace. Face buried in your hair and arms wrapping around your waist. Safe. Loved. “It’s okay, Sanj.”
The soft reassurances seem to have the opposite effect. For so long, he was used to a softness that came with conditions. It could be flipped like a switch. He could be told that it’s all okay one moment, and the next he was expected to figure out how to make it all up. “I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, i’ll do better.”
“Hey, come on.” You sooth a hand down his back. He is shaking in your arms, unsure of what to do with himself. “You don’t have to make anything up to me, I just want my Sanji back.”
His fingers twist in your shirt, crying a little bit harder. “I missed you.” His words are muffled against your shirt but he hopes you can make something out. He feels a bit pathetic but the tears flow freely and there seems to be no end in sight. The floodgates were open. “I missed you so bad and- and- and I was so stupid. I shouldn’t have gotten back together with her-“
“None of that matters.” A kiss to the side of his head. Arms squeezing him tight. “You’re here now, and that’s what matters. I finally have you back.” More quiet reassurances flow. Everything Sanji needs to hear somehow slipping past your lips.
You hold him until his tears stop flowing and his cries cease.
Then, you’re guiding him to sit up in front of you. Sanji tugs himself away for a moment, wiping his cheeks and nose on the sleeve of his hoodie. Trying to make himself look presentable in spite of the break down he just had. He worries a hand over his now frizzy hair, when you catch his wrist.
“You okay now?” Your lips press against his pulse point, making it spike at the feeling of your lips on his skin. It draws him in. Makes him want more.
“Do you forgive me?”
“I do.”
“Then I’m okay.” Sanji leans in close to you, appreciating the way your eyes flutter shut as he invades your space. His nose brushes over yours. Delicate. Affectionate. A smile pulls to his lips as he feels you scrunch up your nose in turn. Then he is leaning in closer to brush his lips over yours.
Your breath hitches and chin tilts.
Sanji takes this as his sign. His lips meet your in a slow embrace, movements still a bit unsure. That is, until your arms circle around his neck to bring him in closer. Sanji smiles into the kiss, hands placing on your hips, then tugging you into him. He hears you giggle as the kiss deepens. Close. Intimate.
…In the living room, Nami sits with Luffy in quiet conversation. The topics are random, unimportant, both trying to listen in on the muffled conversation through the wall. Luffy snacks on a bag of chips that Nami had been sharing with you.
The bag crumbles loud as Luffy tips it into his mouth to ensure all the crumbs were accounted for. “Hey, do you have any more of these?” But Nami has stopped paying attention to him.
“Do you hear anything?”
Luffy drops the bag down, straining his ears, before shaking his head.
The two slowly stand. They cross the room silently to press their ears to the door. Silence. They strain harder. Then there is a creak that catches Nami’s attention. “Oh, no way.” She doesn’t hesitate to throw the door open, Luffy nearly tumbling to the floor. Her eyes land on your figures, lying back on your elbows with Sanji leaning over you in the bed. Her bed. “No way! Not here, not my bed. I’m glad you two made up but go home now!”
Luffy laughs loudly as the two of you scramble to your feet, offering sheepish smiles.
“Sorry. We, uh, we’re gonna head out.” Sanji mutters, his cheeks burning a deep red, but his hand clutched tight in your own. Heat flares through your whole body but you cannot stamp down the smile that aches your cheeks.
“Yeah, uh, see you guys.” You then tug on Sanji’s hand, hearing Nami ranting and Luffy laughing as the two of you pass.
might not be that original, but in my search for ideas of what to draw on a children's day (1.06), somehow I got inspired by the old poems of mine about spirits and some other lovely creatures, lurking in the shadows.
So
au in which Chopper is a guardian of the forest, who was so impressed by a human child showing genuine kindness to a mink, despite losing his way in a forest, that Chopper guided little one back to safety.
Nowadays the spirit visits Law quite often, using his mini form, that is invisible to a mortal eye, to keep an eye on him.
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