I've been places...

I'm just a cat, but I'm a star. I've been places and seen things that will blow your mind

[otiswasere]

That’s right Peggy... off to sleep you go. 

[otiswasere]

The cats out the bag (get it?) I’m on this year’s Celebrity Masterchef. I’ll be serving that bald greengrocer, Wallace and his slug of a mate Torrode, Un boîte de sheba et la vomissure avec le gazon (tin of sheba with cat vomit mixed with grass) 

Tune in. Or don’t. Whatever. 

[otiswasere]

Made the BBC news again. 

I thought it was about time someone stood up to this ferret-haired tangerine. I was meant to debate the U.S. having the highest healthcare costs relative to the size of the economy (GDP) in the world, with an estimated 50.2 million citizens (approximately 15.6% of the September 2011 estimated population of 312 million) without insurance coverage.... but I got distracted by a fly on the ceiling. 

[otiswasere]

Presented the Brits back in ‘89 with old Mick ‘ere. He kept breaking wind which wasn’t great as my face was right at arse level. 

I’m rolling my eyes ‘ere as he broke wind again during his intro to Elton John. 

Dirty bastard 

[otiswasere]

I was chillin’ in downtown LA when this chubby fella rolls up and offers me a lift. It was all good until he turned on the radio and tries to harmonise with Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda - what a knob.  i just wanted a lift to the shops. 

[otiswasere]

Was hanging round the bins and I ate what I thought was a tictac.  Turns out it was not a tic tac. Next thing I know i’m waking up on this thing!

[otiswasere]

Just made it to Glastonbury. When they said ‘bring a headdress’ I thought they meant showgirl style. 

Going to be hard to blend in now. ...

[otiswasere]

Thought I would jump on the bandwagon.  Enough of this Grey chap, it is all about the Ginge.

Available from all good booksellers, or your local Oxfam in a couple of days time. 

[otiswasere]

This was as good a place as any for a little snooze. Wake me up when Beyonce starts fighting in the lifts again. 

[otiswasere]

You may have heard the rumours.  I closed Valentino in Paris today. That's Derek on my right and Hansel on my left... Hansel is so hot right now

[otiswasere]

Best In Show 2015..... Av it you bunch of dogs!  I thought I would give it a go and I won. 

[otiswasere]

Dunno what the big deal is. Barry 'ere gives me a lift to work every day.  Cracking pilot. 

[otiswasere]

... Well she shoulda looked where she was going shouldn't she!

[otiswasere]

I'm trying to wash here. It's rude to stare!

[otiswasere]

OI! mate i'm trying to wash ere!!

[otiswasere]

Hurry up mate i'm gasping ere...

[otiswasere]

You might have seen me on set in the new Bond film. 

I might be playing a villain.  Might not.

Wot u lookin at?!