Riptide

Otto

[emilybrowningfans]

Emily Browning photographed by Eddie O’Keefe - HQ (x)

[astrid1x1-blog1]

She missed their dad too. Their apartment was quiet with just the two of them in it and as Astrid chose not to work as Otto had, she had a lot of time to think about how much extra space there was now that their father and his needs were no longer there. It had only been a few weeks since she had worked up the motivation to clean out his room after all that time. She boxed up some of his clothes for Otto if he ever grew bigger and donated the rest, the doors had been shut tight ever since, neither one of them lining up for the feelings jam.

She hadn’t been able to throw out any of his old magazines, though. Or his coats, in the hallway closet. Though as much as Astrid hated handling their father’s dead, soulless food, she’d been glad to get it out of there, initially. But with Otto gone and truly leaving her to her own thoughts, it didn’t take long for the paranoia to set in. They were completely on their own now, and that meant whether they lived or died, were discovered or lived peacefully, would be decided by how convincingly they were ready to lie about how they lived their lives.

So. She spent a good four hours at the local grocer while Otto was at work, rifling through every aisle with meticulous care for “food” to fill their fridge and cupboards that didn’t nauseate her to touch and that wasn’t prone to spoiling, so she could minimize these trips as much as possible. She was still stocking the fridge with liters of soda and bags of shredded cheese when she heard the door open. Astrid looked out at Otto over the rows and rows of dry, boxed pasta on the counter and stared at the cans of beans, trying not to think too hard about what they looked like inside the comforting, obtrusive tin cans.

“Really? What’s she trying to say…” After a small, worried huff, she shrugged and shook her head. It was like Otto said–the woman was likely too stupid to have caught on to anything. “Well. We can use them, at least.” Rounding the island, Astrid walked up to her brother and folded her arms into his, cradling the canned beans with the slightest hint of revulsion, flashing him a neutral (if welcoming) expression as she turned back towards the kitchen. “How was work? Are they going to stop paying you that garbage rate yet?” 

[otto1x1-blog]

At the look of even slight revulsion, Otto smiled as he watched his sister take the cans. He had shrugged just the same as she did when the old woman’s intentions were questioned. The subject had been brought up before, the conclusion of which being along the lines of Otto declaring they could eat her if she ever found out too much. Though he shuddered at the thought, likening the idea of her texture to what he imagined beef jerky was like. 

“Garbage rate? Garbage rate, what do you mean? This is the most I have ever been paid-- to stand and walk around no less. A canine could do this job, do you mean to say I could be paid more?” As he spoke he followed her into the kitchen, running his finger along every box, can, and bag he passed. He scrunched his nose when the tip of his finger slid along the condensation on a cold pouch of food and continued talking. “But it was, okay,” the word came after a nearly undetectable pause. “The chefs are funny, I like listening to them yell at each other. And no one crashed a car into the curb like yesterday.” He sounded disappointed at that.

Out of curiosity and the habit of looking before asking, he couldn’t help himself but to look through the cupboards and fridge. The look of a somewhat well stocked kitchen took him back to the times when their father would return from the grocery store. Something was painfully missing. “What are you doing?’

[otto1x1-blog]

It was nice of the man who raised them to leave them with everything he owned after his death, but Otto can’t help feeling like it doesn’t compensate for the lack of the man’s presence. He’s never particularly liked being left alone with his own thoughts, but these days more than ever he’s taken to making sure he has little time alone. Call it a form of self medicating. It’s the reason he accepted the part-time hosting job at the popular restaurant down the street, and it helps that the money he makes there means even less money spent from their inheritance.  

After a few hours of escorting hungry people to their tables, he’s getting back to the apartment in hopes of spending time with his sister. And of course looking like he’s in a hurry doesn’t stop the old woman who lives on the same floor as them from stopping him for meaningless banter. It ends with her declaration that she bought cans of beans rather than peas, and insisting that he take them for him and his sister. The humor of the situation keeps him from declining and finally when he turns the lock and shuffles into the apartment he’s calling out what happened. 

“Astrid look, the woman four doors down mistakenly bought these beans and wanted for us to have them. I am thanking the Christian God that now we will not starve.” His tone holds the sarcasm he often only uses with his sister because she’s one of the few he believes is intelligent enough to detect it. “I cannot believe this old hag is still living.” He mumbles mostly to himself as he eyes the cans in his hands. “No human should live long enough that they unlearn how to read.” He declares in the direction he hears noise coming from. 

[astrid1x1-blog1]

It broke her heart to hear him sob like that, her normally so-brave boy who stepped out to every day with a grin and an eager attitude. Astrid threaded her fingers through his hair, stroking his head to calm him as she, too, fought the urge to let a few tears loose. 

“Shhh, Otto.” She cooed tenderly when his breathing got worse and he struggled for air, folding her arms under him to lift him when she stood, turning her eyes around the meat locker to look for any faults in the room. “Deep breaths.” She was strong for her height and weight–easily holding her small child who might have been heavier to anyone else. With one forearm underneath him, she used her free hand to run her fingers over the walls, the rusted bolts. The locker was in good enough condition that she doubted she’d be able to rip a hole in the steel large enough for both of them to fit through. Sighing, Astrid gave up and slid back down with her spine against the wall, sitting Otto comfortably in her lap and stroking his hair again.

Instead of asking him to continue talking, which might have distracted him from calming down, she gingerly touched his elbows where he said he’d been scraped, and took another peek at the scab on his neck. Minimal injuries, then; thank goodness. “I’m here now. We’re going to be alright. They’re going to bring us some food and then Mama’s going to work something out with the boss. It’ll all be over soon.”

She wasn’t yet assured of their survival, even if she told Otto otherwise. Roman could easily use her and then decide to kill them anyway, though she was constantly trying to figure out some way to tempt her into staying longer. He wasn’t interested in what she knew; just her body. Things had gotten dodgy back in the showers but…if she had to give herself every day for the rest of the year to keep Otto safe, she would. “…I’ll never let this happen to you again, okay?”

[otto1x1-blog]

Everything was going to be okay. His mother had him now and she always knew what to do, always knew how to get them out of bad situations. He was just waiting for his body to get the memo. 

She lifted him up off the ground and in the cold, dimly lit room he felt safe and comfortable in her arms, working hard to take deep breaths as she instructed. As he felt her sit down he closed his eyes, pretending they were anywhere but here being held hostage by people with guns. He thought about the abandoned mall they had explored once, where they stumbled upon a ransacked mattress store that still had a few beds. He remembered her singing to him that night in the same soft voice she had been speaking in now. I’m here now. He left the vision of that safe-feeling place to look up at her, his eyes red and raw from crying as he breathed softer, but still ragged breaths.

“Okay,” his voice was quiet and small as he wiped his face with his hand, not caring about the dirt that smeared across his cheeks from the tears. He was quiet for a moment after he was finally able to calm down, pulling himself together and a little more confident now that Mama was here. “Did they hurt you, Mama?”

[astrid1x1-blog1]

If Astrid wasn’t 100% sure she’d be struck or shot for it, she would have screamed at the people leading her to the locker to go faster. She couldn’t very well go herself but they were taking their sweet time escorting her, serious faces on as though she would turn and run at any moment. Without her child? As if. 

The entire walk she just kept thinking…why hadn’t she prepared him better for this? For being separated from her. But then, it honestly wasn’t that long ago he was struggling to speak and walk, nursing from her chest–how could she have had the time to teach him how to deal with being alone? Otto knew only a very small amount of things in this world. She couldn’t have prepared him for this. She could only have protected him, prevented it, and it was too late to do that now.

Her heart hammered as they approached the guards at the meat locker and Astrid stared at the door as they opened it, rushing inside, her eyes immediately locking on the pale blonde puff of hair against the wall.

“Oh, Otto,” she called gently, and it was as though her body knew what to do more than her mind did. She felt herself sway mentally, the urge to cry tears of relief had never been stronger. But Otto’s only reassurance in this situation would be his mother and her usual calm and collected confidence, and as she moved to his side, dropping to her knees in her new clothes, she felt herself assuming that role immediately. Her hands came out to bring him against her chest and she took a second just to hold him tightly against her, hands rubbing at his back as the door closed again behind them. Her lips dropped to his head. “Don’t cry. It will be okay.”

Astrid’s fingers raised to gently touch at the side of his neck where the knife had been. “Did they hurt you?”

[otto1x1-blog]

Fear spiked in him once again as soon as he heard the locks on the door turning. He was smart enough to notice there were four locks on the outside of the metal door, and that would have given him time to prepare if there was anything he could use in the room. But this situation was unlike any other he had been in before. He didn’t know what was going to happen or what he was supposed to do to make it better. They were finished getting rid of his mamma and they were coming back to get rid of him too. All he could do was gather what was left of his energy and wait.

As the last lock clicked open, the tears were already building up again in his eyes, but before he could look at any of those guards he saw his mom rushing toward him. For the first few seconds that she held him against her chest, he couldn’t respond, muscles too tense and mind too shocked to take in that he’d just gotten much safer. And then mamma was here, holding him tightly as he caught up with what was happening and wailed into her chest. He hadn’t cried that hard since being bowled over by an angry brahmin, but he didn’t care, his small hands gripping her shirt for dear life as he cried. 

He couldn’t stop even when she softly told him not to, that it was going to be okay. At that point his tears were a mix of fear and relief. But they just kept going, even as he worked to steady his breathing and talk around it. He was going to give himself hiccups. “Not, not after they put me in here,” it was a struggle to get each word out of his trembling throat. “They threw me in here and scraped my arm on the floor, but I,” he couldn’t help the way his breath hitched as his chest tightened, “I think that’s it.” There was a small cut where that blade met his skin and had already scabbed over, but adrenaline wouldn’t allow him to feel it. 

[otto1x1-blog]

There were many things in this world that Otto didn’t fear. Animals that were bigger and faster than him, robots with lasers, deep, radiated water, he’d grown up with it all. As far as he knew, the world had been his playground up until a few hours ago. 

Mamma had told him she was going to show him how to hijack locks today and he couldn’t have been more excited, completely oblivious to any possible dangers. He happily followed her to that bunker, and wasn’t even scared when those people with the guns showed up. He would show them to leave him and his mom alone, he thought when he pulled out his knife and lodged it into that man’s leg. But there was too many of them and they were stronger than he was, he was knocked to the ground before he even knew what hit him. Then they were hurting mamma and dragging them away and into some place with a bunch of TVs.

As mamma spoke to the man in the chair, he did a good job of staying strong until a knife was being held to his neck, harder and harder until it was almost cutting his skin. They’re going to kill me, his mind screamed but all he could manage to get out were cries for his mamma. And then they were taking him away from her and he was terrified that would be the last he would ever see of her.

He banged and and screamed against the steel door keeping him inside the chilly, metal room for a long time, but no one answered. Soon he was giving up, slumping against a wall, exhausted and scared. 

[otto1x1-blog]

dachdaches1x1:

Astrid was surprised when he told her he would look into it. Briefly she wondered where he would find the time, and if between work and school they would barely have time to spend together, but decided it was ultimately up to Otto what he wanted to do with his time. He would be a man before too long. He was already starting to resemble one, despite how often she still looked at him like that tiny five year old she would smuggle out of the house at night.

With two fingers she plucked that piece of pepperoni right out of the cold cheese, popping it into her mouth as her answer. “Mm hm.” She licked the grease from her fingers and then carded her hand through his roots, smiling for a second before arching an eyebrow in genuine interest. “That depends on what you want. Choose correctly.”

One less pepperoni didn’t bother him much when she was the thief, and he continued consuming the piece of pizza once she had taken what she wanted. He got down to the crust, locking his gaze with hers before closing his eyes with a content look on his face. “There are many things I want.” It was the truth and no secret. He hummed, mulling over everything he could ask for and determining whether or Astrid would give it to him. 

Then he opened his eyes and turned to her, turning back over on his stomach and finishing up the pizza crust. “We passed a small building with a fountain in front of it on our way here. There was a fence, but it looks abandoned.” His eyebrows rose as he spoke and watched her. It seemed like much for a piece of pizza, but he wanted to know what she would say anyway. “We passed a restaurant I’ve never seen before also, but eating out seems less fun in comparison.” There was a smile growing on his lips. 

[dach1x1-blog]

Astrid couldn’t help but smirk a little at his smart tone, looking at him defiantly as if to say, yep. Thursday. “We will not. Don’t be a baby.” She raised her hand to bat lightly at his, smoothing her hair back into place.

She felt such an urge to reach up and push his jaw shut, but Otto stayed talking and chewing no matter what she or anyone else did to dissuade it. “Work, if you want to work. I never said you couldn’t.” She reached towards his pizza, her eyes on a piece of pepperoni he’d bitten into slightly.

“Repay? Otto.” She gave him a skeptical look as he leaned over backwards, shaking her head at him. “I can buy you more pizza. After Thursday. That isn’t much of a debt, if you were trying to get at something.”

[otto1x1-blog]

He had thought about working before, wanting to find more ways to help his sister get the money to take care of them. A job sounded easy enough to him, especially after watching people like the cashiers at grocery stores and fast food restaurants. In fact, he believed he’d like work more than school. “I will look into it.” And he would, once they settled in and once he had more time to explore their environment. 

“Ay,” he whined as he saw Astrid’s hand coming for his pizza, trying to move his hand out of her reach. “You’ve taken half of all I have and now you’re coming for more?” He laughed lightly, though notably not taking another bite in case she really did want some. He would give her the last of anything he had if it ever came down to it. “Do you mean to tell me that I could get more than the ever holy pepperoni pizza?”

[dach1x1-blog]

Astrid knew it was painful–she’d suffered through it too, for a time. If at sixteen he came to her himself and wanted to drop out as she did, she wouldn’t refuse him. But he wasn’t there yet, so he still had a role to play until they were well and truly alone, and safe. She was slightly sad that he didn’t ever really look at her, but she guessed she couldn’t blame him if he was upset. Astrid pursed her lips as he left and headed towards the kitchen, looking down at her hands.

“Mm, spaghetti.” She started to run down the list. “Lunchmeat and bread. Rice, crackers, clementines. One slice of leftover pizza. I had the other for breakfast this morning. I can’t go for groceries until Thursday.”

[otto1x1-blog]

He opened the fridge, looking over its contents as Astrid listed what little food they had. “Thursday?” He wasn’t shocked, but he shouted and would complain anyway. It wasn’t uncommon for them to be low on food, in fact the lack of food was probably most evident in their size. Fortunately, for him at least, he was easily distracted from the empty feeling rumbling in his stomach. 

“Thursday is years away, we will be skin and bones by then.” He came back to her with the leftover piece of pizza, unmicrowaved and all. Taking a bite of the pizza, he used his free hand to pull up a section of Astrid’s hair and let if fall messily over her head. “Bones and dust by then.” He continued with a full mouth. “I wonder if I take a part time job will I be paid in time to not die by Thursday.” He teased, leaning over the back of the couch. “And I remember calling dibs on the pizzas, now my property is traveling through your guts and you have a debt to repay.” He turned over, leaning on the couch on his back now so he watched her upside down, taking another bite of the pizza that should have caused him to choke. 

[dach1x1-blog]

She believed him when he said he would, because Otto rarely ever really “lied” to her. If he intended to do something she asked him not to he wouldn’t tell her otherwise, unless it was to say something like he’d try, which to her often meant he would “accidentally” disobey. So Astrid was relieved at the double agreement, blinked at him softly, appreciatively, and dragged her suitcase the rest of the way into the bedroom before coming back out.

She leaned on the corner of the hallway and looked at him with equal parts pity and firmness. “I can’t, Otto. They can take you away from me, you know.” She paused, searching for signs that he understood on his face. “It won’t be like before, staying in other people’s houses. They will take you and they won’t tell me where you are. I wouldn’t be able to find you no matter how I tried.” Astrid left the doorway to sit beside him on the couch, sideways on her hip. This was the only thing that really scared her anymore. Until Otto was eighteen, there were a hundred people above them who had the power to separate them from each other, like they did to their parents. Losing Otto, having to live without him, she didn’t want to do that.

Astrid leaned against the couch with him and slipped her hand into his, speaking quietly as though they could be observed. “It is just for a little longer. Then I won’t ask you to go anywhere you do not want to go. And we can spend more time together. Please go to school.”

[otto1x1-blog]

The first change in Otto’s demeanor was the way his shoulders sank a bit at the mention of being taken away. Then it was the way his gaze went unfocused, only looking in Astrid’s general direction before looking away. It was something they had been running from practically all their lives and there was nothing that scared him more. He was no longer a child, but he still likened the child protective services to some kind of omnipresent boogeyman. He hated school, hated having to get up early and dress acceptably to spend eight hours with people he didn’t care about. But apparently there would be a bigger problem if he didn’t suck it up and attend anyway.

He didn’t look up when he felt the smaller hand take his, but he squeezed it gently in acknowledgment. “I won’t enjoy it.” An acceptance of his fate, more of a stubborn refusal to see the school system that seemingly wanted to hold him prisoner as a good thing. He took a deep breath, sitting up tall and stretching his back as he looked up. “I’m hungry.” It’s a subject change and a way to push the fear of being taken away back to the depths of his thoughts. “What we got?”

[dach1x1-blog]

Otto’s smiles only gave her the same kind of joy half of the time. At most. She blinked at him just as knowingly, able to read that kind of mischievous gleam in his eyes from a mile away. It wasn’t often she was able to dissuade him from something–Otto made his own decisions. She could only make her feelings and desires known, roll the die whether Otto’s curiosity or his respect for her would take precedence.

…even still, it was hard to be upset at him. Astrid would do anything for him, and it was hard to want to curb his habit of stealing entirely when a) she knew most of the things he took she couldn’t afford to get for him on her own, and b) that the owners of whatever he stole should have kept a closer eye on their things. It wasn’t in her dreams, Otto being any kind of thief, but then, they way they lived, they didn’t have a choice in a lot of things.

Astrid stayed standing where he used to be, arms crossed around her middle as she watched him examine the ceiling without a care. She scowled when he asked his question, though, scoffing and taking her suitcase handle to drag it towards the hallway. “I just told you I don’t know. Please do not try to find out.” She was half-covered in the shadows of the hall when she added on: “–without me. I mean it, Otto. There could be dangerous people here.” She frowned. “…and you have to go to school more often. They are starting to call.”

[otto1x1-blog]

At first he grumbled to himself, sinking further into the couch as he messed with his hair. Astrid could read him like a book, there was no doubt about that. She probably knew him better than he knew himself and even though he just wanted to snoop around, she just wanted him to stay safe. A negative reaction was to be expected. 

He wanted to know who the people around them might be, better yet, he wanted to know what they might have. The place they were in now was far from luxurious, bad enough to have Astrid warning him about possible gangsters, but there was always something for him to find and play with. And the possessions he currently had could only keep him busy for so long. He was just about ready to an early defeat when Astrid tacked on a ‘without her’. The smile that had faded came back. 

“Sure sure.” He answered quickly, happily. To anyone else the reply could have seemed like he was brushing her off, but he wasn’t and he would wait for her. He groaned a ‘no’ the moment school was mentioned, sitting forward and turning his head in the direction Astrid left to. “There’s nothing to do at school. They want for me to sit in hour long classes to do work that takes no longer than twenty minutes if you have a brain cell. Block the calls.” The sentence is demanding, but his tone is soft because she’s ultimately the boss in this area. 

[dach1x1-blog]

With a curse, Astrid wrenched her suitcase into the apartment and onto the dusty carpet of the living room, lightly kicking Otto’s shoes out of her way. The place suffered from lighting problems, insulation problems, and occasionally water problems. The grout around the sink and toilet was dark and off-putting. The included appliances were minimal. But it was a roof and a room and Astrid wasn’t–couldn’t–be picky.

At least Otto didn’t seem troubled by it. But then, he rarely was. And just as she was thinking about him, Otto reappeared from the hallway and she gave him a dry, accepting look as she shut the front door with her back. “Try to stay away from them, Otto,” she said, tone warm, but warning. “I don’t know anything about anyone this time. Our landlord will not tell me about the other people here. But he is letting us stay for less money every month.” Though, part of her knew even that wasn’t something to be too fond of. He gave her strange looks when they signed the paperwork and would probably be trouble in the future. But this discount was heavy and Astrid might consider drawing their arrangements here out as long as possible, depending on what he wanted. “I want you to promise to keep your hands to yourself and our things  until we know more. I do not want to come home from work to find some gangsters searching for you.”

Astrid walked forward and reached to pinch some of his hair between her fingers, twisting it affectionately. “And let me clean the drain before you use that bathtub.” She said, lest some suspicious clog from however-many months ago lead to the buildup of rotten, brown water for her to wade through later. 

[otto1x1-blog]

When Astrid warned him about staying away from the neighbors Otto smiled knowingly. He stopped tormenting the wallpaper to go and take a seat on the old couch in the middle of the area. The cushion’s springs easily bent under his weight, and he barely took notice of the stains and dust on the upholstery as he watched the ceiling. With the fingers of one hand in his hair, his eyes searched the ceiling panels as he contemplated who their mysterious new neighbors were. As far as he knew, Astrid was always fully aware of who lived around them, but this new building was a completely blank slate. He whispered an affirmative, almost having a plan already. It would only add to the fun of their new environment. 

His gaze dropped to his sister when he heard her walk over, watching her and listening. The tub looked clean enough to him, but most objects were always ‘clean enough’ to him. He knew he was going to have to listen out for later, wanting to be there to snag anything interesting Astrid might find while she was cleaning. 

He was quiet for a moment, but his eyes were alive with thought. “Are there gangsters here?” He asked, referring to the promise he was supposed to make. 

[otto1x1-blog]

The moment the apartment door was open, Otto ran inside and dropped his bags. Moving has always been fun for him, like opening the door to each new home was a new adventure. The new place was nothing to gasp at, it was small and the old, wood floor creaked under his feet, but it was exciting for him regardless. A hushed swear in Swedish could be heard from down the hall as he went into the bedroom. He took his shoes off there and walked across the hall to the bathroom. “Astrid, this one has a bathtub!” He called before walking out and back toward what would most likely be their living room, eventually. “I can deal with this.” As he spoke he pulled carefully at a piece of wallpaper that was peeling off the wall. “As long as the neighbors quieter than the last place, jesus christ.”

[peetamellarkthebaker]

I chose to love you in silence, for in silence I found no rejection. I chose to love you in my dreams, for in my dreams you were only mine.