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The Millennial Question:

The idea that we are tough to manage. Accused of entitlement, narcissism, self-interested, unfocused and lazy. Entitled is a big one. Leadership is confounded so much that leaders ask the millennial what they want. They get what they want and they’re still not happy. It’s because there are four missing pieces: 1. Parenting:

Grew up on failed parenting strategies. We were told that we were special, all the time. Told that we can have anything we want in life, just because we want it. Some people were put in honours classes, not because they deserved it but their parents complained. Children got participation medals, you get a medal from coming in last. The science is clear. Doing so devalues the medals and the rewards for those that work hard and the person that comes in last feels embarrassed because they know that they didn’t deserve it.

As soon as children were out into the real world they suddenly find out that they’re not special, that their mums can’t get them promotions, that you get nothing for coming in last and you can’t just have it because you want it. In an instant the entire self-image is shattered.

2. Technology:

We live in a Facebook, Instagram world. We are good at putting filters on things. We are good at showing how life is amazing even though we are depressed. Everybody sounds tough and like they all have it figured out. But the reality is, is that none of us are tough and none of us have it figured out.

Engagement with social media and cell-phones releases a chemical called dopamine. Even down to texts. Feeling a bit sad can lead us to message 10 people to get a response. It is highly addictive. We have age restrictions for smoking, drinking and gambling.

As we go through adolescence we move away from needing the approval of our parents and into the approval of our friends. It allows us to cultivate and move into the broader tribe. During this stage we are taught to rely on our friends. Many of our friendships are superficial. We know that our friends will cancel, we don’t form meaningful bonds. We don’t find healthy support networks and find ways to cope, so much like an addict, we turn to social media to relieve stress.

3. Impatience:

We have grown up in a world of instant gratification. You want to buy something? Log onto Amazon and it will arrive the next day. You want to watch a movie? Watch a movie you don’t have to check a movie time. You want to watch a TV show? Binge. You don’t have the time to learn the social coping mechanisms.

Skill-sets, self-confidence, joy: all of these things take a whole lot of time. If you don’t ask for help and learn the skill-set, you will fall off the mountain. We’re seeing an increase in suicides, job quitting, etc. The best case scenario is just wafting through life without really enjoying it.

4. Environment:

The corporation cares more about more about the business than building confidence. That isn’t helping us build confidence. We blame ourselves, we think it’s us that can’t deal. We were dealt a bad hand. Trust forms over a slow and steady consistency. The small things count towards building trust. Ideas happen when our minds wander. When we don’t have instant gratification.

Positive Social Network.

No manipulation machine. Paid service. Different business model.

I don’t really find Twitter relaxing. I just habitually use it while propelling my own anxiety. I do so because I am attempting to ascertain a certain experience when using Twitter. Maybe to pass time (boredom), maybe to try and connect (loneliness), maybe to consciously or unconsciously compare. Conscious compare to wallow in pain: our reward circuits make it possible to get a indulgent sensation from this. Unconscious compare as a byproduct of simply logging onto the app.

Your attachment to Thai Boxing and BJJ comes from a place of love. You see yourself competing one day in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. The constant pressure you feel to improve rapidly. To be better than everyone else. That isn’t wholesome competitiveness. That’s ego and insecurity. You’re scared of getting hurt in a self-defence situation. If you let go of them, you will be happy. You will compete and train only because that, for you, it brings joy. You will never need attachment or possession over it because it is an extension of yourself.

You will never need attachment or possession over her, because you appreciate and truly care for her. You appreciate everything that she is risking just to be with you. You are drawn to her out of appreciation, affection and admiration. And it is in that trifecta that means you have to let her go. She is her own spirit and I am too. I don’t need to hold onto her to be with her. I can walk with her, side-by-side, for as long as anything lasts. I can show my affection while knowing that, truly, at the end of the day I am whole. I am complete. I am attached to nothing and that is why I see and belong to everything.

You like iced water because you used to drink it when you were little. Nostalgia.

Practical Application of the Noble 8-Fold Path

Following these precepts isn’t about suppressing the thoughts and feelings when breaking one of them may arise. It’s about having a thought about not wanting to do it. It’s about wanting to abstain. It’s a moment-to-moment experience rather than a sole intellectual understanding. It’s about being set in morality, concentration and wisdom. Morality, concentration and wisdom are the abbreviated form of the eight-fold noble path. Morality is guarding speech and guarding bodily behaviour. Concentration is to focus our minds and keep them pure and clear for our reality. Wisdom is to understand reality based on our focus and awareness. You should start with morality, based on morality. Concentration based on concentration and subsequently you will develop wisdom. It is our duty and our path to perfect practice of the eight-fold noble path.

#1: (Wisdom) Right view. This is the first and foremost thing to purify (not chronologically). Our view will determine how we practice. The Buddha taught that we should give up view. Any view of reality that is based on belief, that is based on conjecture, that is based on logical reasoning. In favour of a direct and experiential understanding of reality. Our belief should be based on experience and solely on experience. For example, you can break things up into pieces. You can say that “this view has arisen, based on a misunderstanding of reality for what it is.” If you see a bright light, you can’t know for certainty that it is God. It can be A, B, C or D. You need to accept it for what it is. An experience.

We should not make more of things than for what they are. We should not extrapolate reality to develop beliefs. We experience something and then we develop a belief on it. For example, a near death experience may create a belief that we will go to heaven.

A common view that arises is that views arise on scriptural study. But they will study it and formulate views on it. It is important that we don’t intellectualise these things and that we will base our learning on experience. “There is no part of reality that is worth clinging to.” There is nothing that can make you happy. Clinging to things evokes suffering. The idea is that, instead of looking at the world and trying to find that one thing that makes you happy and run away from the things that make us unhappy. Is to understand reality to the point where nothing makes us unhappy. There is no one thing that can hurt us. As long as you’re always trying to find what makes you happy you are always going to have partiality. You’re always going to dislike certain things and like others. You’re always going to compartmentalise reality into the good and the bad. Nothing that arises is going to make you happy because it is going to vanish.

The cause of the suffering is through attachment to anything. The sensation of suffering is the sensation of our attachment. The eight-fold noble path is considered to relieve suffering.

#2: (Wisdom) Right thought: when we practice the Buddhist teaching and we see reality our minds will become impartial. The thoughts that arise are free from greed, free from anger and free from delusion. This is a moment-to-moment practice, not an intellectual understanding. The only way to be free from these is to clearly see things as they are and not repress them and force them away.

#3: (Morality) Right speech: it is important to understand that these factors are a state of mind. Right speech and action on a superficial level means refraining from lying, gossiping and useless speech. The right speech factor is only fulfilled when there is no desire to say these things. Even if the chance arose at that moment, there would be no desire to. If someone said something nasty to you, you have the opportunity to say something nasty back, you don’t reply because you feel no desire to. You can make mental notes during these times by saying, “hearing, hearing, hearing.” Acknowledging that in reality, it’s just speech and noise.

Right action is not simply refraining from stealing, lying and cheating. It means that we have no desire to do these things.

#4: (Morality) Right Livelihood: following the other precepts will allow for the right livelihood. You won’t misrepresent who you are, your business, your practices such as pricing fairly. You won’t engage in practices that aren’t of benefit to others or yourself. Arms dealing is causing harm to others. Engaging in an activity that is neutral or of benefit to others is moral. #5: (Concentration): right view is the most important so it comes first. But in many respects we start practice concentration first. This is the practical part of the teaching. We manage to gain an understanding of reality as it really is through the concentration practice.

Chronologically, we should practice meditation first. True morality only arises when we start to practice meditation. Once we have an intellectual understanding we have an idea of what the right view, morality, etc is. It means that we are refraining from the things which we know we are going to give up. It doesn’t mean we have those qualities.

Practice these first.

Wrong effort, wrong mindfulness and wrong concentration can lead us to the wrong path. Too much effort is the wrong effort. Your mind will be unable to focus if you exert yourself too much. Your mind will not be calm with too much effort. If your energy is too much, you are not following the middle ground. Having not enough effort is also bad. You need a balance of effort. To set the mind on seeing things as they are. Right mindfulness is based on the present moment. In the act of meditation many people with go back to the past.

Right mindfulness has to be here-and-now. When we’re walking our attention and recognition should be on the moment of the movement. When we’re thinking we have to recognise that it is a thought as it occurs.

Right concentration is very important to understand. Wrong concentration is any concentration which still has some kind of attachment or partiality or judgement. That sort of concentration simply suppresses the defilement of greed and anger without getting at the root of them, which is delusion. (Address this, kick-boxing). Conceit can arise based on our strong concentration. There are people that believe that enlightenment based on calm states. Mindfulness has to be in the present and based in reality. Concentration should be impartial and focused on something as it is. Our concentration should not be fixed or focused on one single object because there is no one single object of reality that lasts. The only way you can see reality is by focusing on one thing after the other.

The Noble Eight-Fold Path

1. Right view: know the truth. (Wisdom) 2. Right intention: free your mind of evil. (Wisdom) 3. Right speech: say nothing that hurts others. (Ethical conduct) 4. Right action: work for the good of others. (Ethical conduct) 5. Right livelihood: respect life. (Ethical conduct) 6. Right effort: resist evil. (Mental development) 7. Right concentration: practice meditation. (Mental development) 8. Right mindfulness: control your thoughts. (Mental development)

The Four Noble Truths

#1: There is suffering and constant dissatisfaction in the world. #2: The suffering is caused by our desires. “Attachment is the root of all suffering” - Buddha. #3: We can transcend suffering by changing our outlook, not our circumstances. We are unhappy, not because we don’t have enough money, love or status. But because we are greedy, vain and insecure. We can turn ignorance into wisdom. Anger into compassion. Greed into generosity. #4: We can learn to turn suffering by practising the noble eight-fold path.