I’m sharing this from my facebook page. This explains why I have been feeling so icky for the past year and why my content has dropped (and also why my cosplays look like extra crap).
I'm going to be posting some really personal but it's an update I need to share here and with others, so here it goes:
I have had severe depression since I was a young tween. I've had anxiety since high school. I was diagnosed with bi polar in 2011. I've had paranoia since 2013. On top of vitamin D deficiency that affects my sleep and health, along with scoliosis and an extremely bad knee, I am a doctors best paycheck.
My vitamin D deficiency requires me to take prescriptions that I could no longer afford which helped me with my sleeping problem. I sleep too much, I get headaches, and constantly feel ill (nausea, migraines, joint pain, etc). I have tried over the counter stuff but it's not the same, my body barely produces it naturally so I need a good dosage twice a day (and over the counter would require me to take way too many at once).
Bad sleeping problems are a huge contribute to depression and as I get older and work jobs with long hours, it's getting worse over time. I've been to so many doctors to try and fix my issues, it's just leading to more medical debt, more prescriptions, more blood work, and more things I cant afford.
Over the past year, it's gotten consistently worse with my mental health. From family distress to friendship disputes, it's taken a huge toll on me and it's becoming harder and harder to cope. I do not find joy in my hobbies anymore and find myself in an endless cycle of routine (go to work, sleep, repeat). I've been in and out of therapy all year and keep ending up in the same hole. I am not happy.
So I have decided to retire from cosplay and conventions for a long while, if not permanently. I cant keep going with this, I am not producing the levels of what I want anymore, the drama tied to me is getting harder to ignore, and as I get older the more isolated I become at conventions. I have cancelled all my convention plans save for the ones I have a table at (no refunds) but that's it.
Always take care of your health, whether it be physical or mental. Cosplay isn't worth putting that above anything else. I'm old and sick and cosplay has no room in my life anymore nor the energy to put into it. I've met wonderful people in this hobby and have many memories to cherish.
Thanks for sticking with me for this far.
romaincrisis
dededos
germansingergirl
janainaart
snowghoul
yousharknotpass