only he gets to call me that

In The End

“Dean.” He said, a little surprised. Dean had picked up. For the first time in a long while. A small smile began to grow.

“Hey, are you okay, man? Cas told me about—” And Sam’s smile was wiped off his face. Moron, of course he answered ‘cause of Lucifer. We have an apocalypse going on, here. Priorities, Sam.

“Yeah, Dean. I’m fine. I just wanted to check up on you. Is—uh, how’re you? Is Bobby okay?” Sam hadn’t been brave enough to call Bobby, hear the man’s voice or look him in the eye, without feeling guilty. If he’d just stayed put, then, maybe, Bobby might still be able to—

“I’m good, Sam.” (fine without you always was always will be) “What did he, uh…”

There were heartbeats of silence, the air tense, even with the distance.

“He told me I was his vessel. True vessel. That he wanted to give me everything. ‘Cause I freed him.” Sam replied, finally. “That I’m gonna say yes, because that’s fate or destiny or whatever.”

Dean didn’t reply, so Sam added, “but I’m not gonna. Say yes, that is.”

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“You better not.” He sighed, passing a hand over his face. “Look, where are you? Like, right now.” There was little point in continuing like this. And with Lucifer and Michael both on their tails, it might be easier to stay together for now. “We’ll figure this out, you and me. Okay?”

#((SORRY i just noticed this. D: sorry for the short reply too!))#rp #in the end #samefivealbums #ourdarkheaven

Unseen, his jaw clenched. You better not. It was like Dean didn't know him at all. He was never going to say yes - ever.

"I-uh, I don't think that's a good idea." Sam said, uncomfortably. "I'm still not--not okay, and I'm still--not safe. And--if we're both the, uh, true vessels, it might be better if we're--split, you know?"

In The End

samefivealbums-blog

It’d been a while since Cas left and Dean had been meaning to call, he really had.

Dean sat in the Impala for a long time just staring at his phone. He knew he should have called Sam before now, should have checked in on him, should have picked up when he called. But somehow he just couldn’t make himself do that. Every time he’d even thought about it there was something that stopped him. They were too codependent. And look where it had gotten them. The goddamn apocalypse. It was better this way. ..Wasn’t it?

Cas hadn’t thought so. He’d even gone so far as to warn Dean that Sam had been having visions of Lucifer. Well awesome. That was just what his brother needed right now. He wasn’t sure whether he should be pissed off or freaked. Right now he was a little bit of both.

After a few more minutes of watching the display on his phone go dark, Dean finally sucked it up and started to punch in the numbers when the phone went off. He jumped, cursing and nearly dropping it before answering.

“Sammy?”

#rp #samefivealbums #ourdarkheaven #in the end

"Dean." He said, a little surprised. Dean had picked up. For the first time in a long while. A small smile began to grow.

"Hey, are you okay, man? Cas told me about--" And Sam's smile was wiped off his face. Moron, of course he answered 'cause of Lucifer. We have an apocalypse going on, here. Priorities, Sam.

"Yeah, Dean. I'm fine. I just wanted to check up on you. Is--uh, how're you? Is Bobby okay?" Sam hadn't been brave enough to call Bobby, hear the man's voice or look him in the eye, without feeling guilty. If he'd just stayed put, then, maybe, Bobby might still be able to--

"I'm good, Sam." (fine without you always was always will be) "What did he, uh..."

There were heartbeats of silence, the air tense, even with the distance.

"He told me I was his vessel. True vessel. That he wanted to give me everything. 'Cause I freed him." Sam replied, finally. "That I'm gonna say yes, because that's fate or destiny or whatever."

Dean didn't reply, so Sam added, "but I'm not gonna. Say yes, that is."

Messages After The Beep

Castiel gave a small nod when Sam agreed with him, having been concerned he might have gotten it wrong. He was turning to leave (having never been one for proper conversational closure) when Sam’s words stopped him. He gave that funny small smile and looked at him. “Thank you Sam. I’m glad you’re not … I’m just glad that you’re here too.” He wasn’t sure what he was going to say there. Not Lucifer’s vessel? Not drinking demon blood anymore? Whatever it was, even he knew Sam would not benefit from hearing it.

“I will always be a call away.” He reminded him, trying to do his best to reassure him that he wasn’t alone. He wanted to say more, but eloquent words like that failed him. He just gave him a too-long unnerving stare instead.

#rp #caswhowouldbeking #ourdarkheaven #messages after the beep

"Thanks, Cas." Sam smiled again, the comment directed to both of Castiel's remarks. He'd probably meant his remarks to be profound, to mean something, but Sam knew better.

(the boy with the demon blood)

There was the faint sound of wing beats, and Cas was gone. Typical. Sam slumped down in his chair, exhausted. His breath caught in his chest as he took several deep lungfuls of air, one after another, concentrating on nothing but the beat of his heart, and the thrum of the traffic outside.

It was a long time before Sam got back up again.

the-ex-angel started following you

...Cas?

#the-ex-angel #theexangel #awkward sam

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The first word Sam ever said was ‘Dean.’ It was also his last.

#reblog

In The End

It was a decision harder than what most people thought it had would be. The decision to go back to hunting. Not at all the same as it had been nearly five years ago, when Dean had shown up on his doorstep (or, in his living room, pinned underneath Sam) with dad's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days. He had tried to live a normal life, despite the fact that he was a freak. This time, things were different, no matter what Je--Lucifer said.

He pulled himself out because he was aware that he posed a danger to everyone around him. And still, the 'life' kept dragging him back into it.

He picked up his phone. Speed dial one. Dean.

Sam stared at the opposite wall, pressing the phone to his ear. He hoped Dean would actually pick up this time. Sam could always track Dean down, if he needed to, but it was a waste of time that they couldn't really afford.

#rpopening #samefivealbums #ourdarkheaven #in the end

Messages After The Beep

Castiel looked over Sam’s smile, wondering what Sam thought. He could never begin to understand the human mind, just as they could never understand his. Being of different species made communication difficult, especially since he couldn’t be heard unless he took a vessel. He was learning, but his understanding wasn’t perfect.

He returned the handshake with his too-strong grip and glanced down at the way Sam met his handshake. He glanced back up at him and gave him another nod, remembering that handshake. In his eyes, much had changed between them since. Sam had been starry eyed, having never seen an angel before. Now, he was practically family.

Sam’s statement brought a puzzled look out of Castiel, still in the handshake. “Of course.” He replied, his hand slipping out of Sam’s as he watched the other man. “Aren’t those the same things?” He questioned, interested in what Sam was questioning. To him, protecting his friends was the right thing. That came first. Stopping the impending apocalypse was only part of that sentiment.

#rp #ourdarkheaven #caswhowouldbeking #messages after the beep

Sam considered Castiel's view. Then, he wondered how he could tell Cas that, sometimes, doing what was right and what people would approve of were two different things - that sometimes, him or Dean wouldn't approve of what he was doing, but that didn't mean Cas wasn't right. Then again, that had been his maxim with Ruby - it was unlikely Castiel would believe him, or put faith in his words.

Instead, Sam shook his head. "Yeah. They are."

"Uh, y'know, I didn't get to say it last time, but I'm really glad you're--here." Sam said. He didn't really know how to phrase it in a less awkward way. "That you're not, uh, in angel limbo or whatever."

Messages After The Beep

Castiel was awfully gullible, and Sam’s words and smile fooled him. He gave a curt nod, looking around the room. If he only knew the things Sam thought about him, he would be dismayed. He had his own opinions of the two Winchesters, but they were far more complex than Sam could have imagined. And despite his stumbling words and distrust in their ability to be manipulated, he believed in them. They had changed the way he believed in everything. He would follow them again and again.

“I will stay close by, in case you need my help. You only need to call, and I will come.” He assured him. He didn’t need to stay near Dean at the moment. He knew the older brother would be able to defend himself, that he wasn’t the target at the moment. “I don’t know where Lucifer is just yet, but he won’t be able to find you anywhere but your dreams. For now.” He said, trying to reassure him.

He extended his hand to shake with Sam, the gesture he had learned from the man himself. “You don’t need to thank me. I’m here to protect my friends.” He said, trying to smile for him.

#rp #ourdarkheaven #caswhowouldbeking #messages after the beep

You only need to call, and I will come. The sentiment, at least, reached Sam and a real smile curved his lips. Even if Cas didn't trust him, or didn't have faith in him, Sam had backup, should he ever need it. Knowing that news of his...actions a few months back was going to spread pretty quickly through the hunting circles, this eased Sam's worries by a small fraction.

An angel trumps a hunter, after all, and no one knew more about angels than the Winchesters, anyway.

Sam doubted that Cas would be able to keep Lucifer at bay; the archangel had managed to slither into his dreamscape the night before, despite Castiel's attempts. Still, Sam appreciated the sentiment.

For now.

And that was the real issue, wasn't it? The Devil would find him - he'd promised it in a dark tone to Sam himself - and would try to coerce and force Sam to say yes. Tricking was entirely different to manipulation, after all.

Castiel stuck his hand out, a little awkward, but eyes as curious as Sam's had been, a few months ago. A wide smile crossed Sam's face and he grasped the angel's hand with his own, the other hand coming to close over the back of Castiel's palm, mimicking the exact same handshake Castiel had given him.

"And to do the right thing." Sam's voice curled, almost in question.

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Kings Of Leon - Use somebody

#samsplaylist

Messages After The Beep

Castiel quickly realized he had hurt Sam’s feelings. He wasn’t very good at offering words of comfort, but he didn’t want Sam to think that Castiel wasn’t his friend. He struggled to think of what to say to make it up to him.

He lowered his eyes humbly, his own remorse for his strong words showing on his face. “I am sorry, Sam. I didn’t mean to say…” He trailed off, not sure what to say exactly, but Sam had already turned away from him.

“Last night, when you were sleeping, and he tried to lure you in, I went instead.” Castiel spoke suddenly, needing Sam to understand that he cared beyond trying to prevent disaster for mankind. “I faced an archangel and dared stand up to him, because I don’t want him to do this to you.” He said, struggling with the way he put his words together. He became frustrated. “I don’t want him to say or do those things to you, and not because I’m afraid you’ll say yes, but because you are my friend.” He raised his gaze to stare at the back of Sam’s head.

The things he did for these two often went unappreciated. Appreciation wasn’t why he did them. He did them because they were right. He looked at Sam and didn’t see Lucifer’s vessel walking, just one ‘yes’ away. He saw one of the two people he trusted most, and one of the two people he would die for (again).

#rp #ourdarkheaven #caswhowouldbeking #messages after the beep

A bitter smile crossed Sam's face, unseen by the angel. He didn't doubt the sincerity of Castiel's words, but Sam wasn't stupid. The primary objective was to keep the unpredictable factor as controlled as possible; and right now, that was him. Castiel didn't trust him to do the right thing - neither did Dean.

He deserved that, though. Deserved every bit of their distrust and suspicion and lack of belief. Because they had every reason to feel that way.

Abomination. The boy with the demon blood. They were his defining characteristics, no matter what Sam did. People expected him to fail and, so, in their view - he did. And he always would. That was just fine with him; Sam would refuse the Devil, not for glory but because it was the right thing to do.

He turned to Cas, masking his thoughts with a smile, the hem of his shirt brushing the towel as it settled into place. "Thanks, Cas. For risking your life, again."

I don't really deserve it, remained unspoken.

It didn't matter if Cas actually thought he was unstable; that he was one step away from saying yes. Sam already knew how Castiel really felt (the boy with the demon blood), and it wouldn't change his decision to resist and keep fighting, to the last breath.

Dream a little dream of me.

Lucifer nodded against every no Sam tried to throw at him. It broke his heart that the boy thought he could wish the whole thing away just by denying it so completely. But he could see the tear forming in his eye as he realised the truth. He could practically see the cogs turning in his head, connecting all of the dots.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and in a sense he was. He understood the burden Sam was being faced with, but equally he could see how necessary it was that he take it on. And in time, he would make Sam see that too. It didn’t really matter though, this form before him, this moulding of flesh and bone, it was his. Sam was made for him, and he could almost feel the prickle of anticipation for when he would finally be allowed entry. “I will find you,” he said, calmly, because this was one thing of which he was certain. He started moving towards Sam, who instantly moved in the opposite direction to stand where Lucifer stood. Gone was the string that tied them together in their movements while he had taken Jessica’s form, now they were like polar opposites on a magnet. “And when I do, you will let me in. I’m sure of it.”

There was a flicker of hope in Sam’s eyes, his mouth twitching slightly into what could have been a triumphant smile. There was never any point in lying about the terms, he was really almost disappointed that Sam hadn’t realised that sooner. “Of course, I’m an Angel,” he said, folding his arms with a smile. His expression a mixture of pride of his race and bemusement in Sam’s interest in him. It was like they were starting to bond already. It was the first thing Sam had really asked him without any hint of aggression or distress.

“I will kill myself before letting you in.”

Well, there goes that. “And I’ll just bring you back,” he said, rolling his eyes and nodding quickly. He sighed, as if he was talking to a child who couldn’t quite keep up. But he could see that Sam was losing hope quickly as every defence he threw up was shot down. He didn’t like doing it, but it was necessary. “Sam…” he said, looking down again with a sadness in his expression. It hurt him that this boy, who was going through things so parallel to his pain was only being caused more by the one who understood it best. “My heart breaks for you,” he said, with melancholy dripping from his tone, he finally looked back up. To make some connection with Sam, right through their locked eyes to his heart. “The weight on your shoulders, what you’ve done, what you still have to do.” He paused briefly, just watching the torture in the poor boy’s face. “It is more than anyone can bear. If there was some other way…” He looked away, throwing his hands into a shrug almost seeming like he was trying to catch some answer he hoped would fall from above, but then he stared back into Sam’s eyes, “but there isn’t.”

He took a step forward, his arms crossed again, but his voice contained some renewed spirit and almost a sense of urgency, he wanted Sam to listen to these words, to understand and trust them “I will never lie to you, I will never trick you,” he hesitated for the briefest of moments, “but you will say yes to me.”

#rp #thedevilandi #ourdarkheaven #dream a little dream of me

"I am an angel." Lucifer pointed out, shoulders rolling. Sam could almost imagine thousands of huge wings, torn by hellfire and suffering and hatred, rolling in compliance, shifting over each other. Lucifer was preening with pride, and it disgusted Sam.

"I will kill myself before letting you in."

And he meant it. Lucifer was everything Sam hated about himself, condensed and amplified over millenia.

"And I'll just bring you back." The Devil shrugged and Sam almost broke then, knowing there was no escape. That the Devil would be here, again and again, words slithering through all the wounds and gaps in his armor, no matter how small or insignificant. The Devil would worm his way in and burn Sam, from the inside out.

"Sam," Lucifer sighed, voice filled with an oversucculent pitying tone, his name curling around the syllable as though he owned it. "My heart breaks for you. The weight on your shoulders - what you've done. What you still have to do. It is more than anyone can bear. If there was some other way..."

Lucifer's voice trailed off, and he almost managed to convince Sam that he was sorry. But then his eyes dragged back to Sam's, gleaming with possession and victory and arrogance, and Sam hated him. Shut up, shut up. You don't know anything about me, or what I've done. And I'm not gonna just roll over. Find another prom date, you dick. But he held his tongue.

"But there isn't."

Lucifer took another step toward him, until the sharp scent of ozone and dried blood hit Sam, hard. "I will never lie to you. I will never trick you. But you will say yes to me."

"You're wrong." Sam was sure that the Devil is wrong. But why was his throat closing up? Why was it so hard to breathe? Why did it hurt?

"I'm not." Lucifer shook his head, minutely. "I think I know you better than you know yourself."

There was an infuriating amount of pity in the Devil's eyes - and wasn't it just hilarious that even Satan pitied Sam's existence? - but a jarring amount of sympathy too.

A thought flashed before Sam, that maybe the Devil was just a little brother left behind, but it escaped him, slipping between his tightly clenched hands. Sam's breath left his body in a shuddering exhale and he held back sounds of despair.

"Why me?" He didn't know who he was asking anymore.

"Because it had to be you, Sam. It always had to be you."

Sam raised his head, evidence of his anguish slick and wet on his face, but Lucifer was gone.

Messages After The Beep

Castiel gave him an icy stare when he became defensive immediately. He wasn’t very well trained in empathetic looks, so it was that same cool gaze he always had. His eyes were trained on his, as he pleaded for Cas to believe him.

“Sam.” He began, his tone as lacking in emotion as it generally was. “Lucifer is manipulating you. I’ve already seen that he has been posing as Jessica. That he will do and say anything to make you say yes.” His tone lowered, his sentiments grave as he stepped forward to stare right up at the taller man.

“I can’t be sure that you won’t say yes, Sam.” He said, searching his face. “How can I know that you’ve learned from your mistakes?” He asked. It was impossible to tell, and hard to trust him not to fall for Lucifer’s way with words and empty promises. It wasn’t Sam’s fault - Lucifer could tempt the most resolute and devout. It just didn’t help that Sam had recently turned on his only living flesh and blood to let Lucifer out. And. Castiel knew… the Winchesters could be manipulated in ways easier than other humans.

“Lucifer will sway you with everything he has.” Castiel reminded him, reaching out and placing a comforting hand on Sam’s shoulder. “He will never stop hunting you, Sam. He knows everything about you, probably more than any other being, and he knows exactly how to twist his words for you.”

Cas pulled his hand away, the brief touch being more than enough human contact for him for a few weeks. “I have to know you won’t give in. No matter what he does, says, or shows you.”

#rp #ourdarkheaven #caswhowouldbeking #messages after the beep

"He's trying to manipulate me." Sam pointed out, "He's not going to succeed in doing that. I--Jess won't die for nothing."

I can't be sure you won't say yes.

Sam flinched like he'd been struck.

Castiel's hand on his shoulder was even worse, heavy and judging - as though Cas had pinned him to one fate. Failure. The decision - his fate - to end the world, because Lucifer would burn it all to ashes, if Sam said yes.

But, just as Sam had been sure he'd be the one to watch the filthy light go out of Lilith's eyes, he was sure in this. He would not fall to Lucifer. Failure wasn't an option.

"You don't believe me," Sam started, "but I'm sorry for what happened, Cas. I'm sorry that Raphael got to you, I'm sorry that I let Lucifer out, and I'm sorry I didn't trust Dean. I should've known better, and now I do. You don't have to believe me, it doesn't change the fact that I'm not going to give in. No matter what he does, or who he pretends to be."

Even if he kills Dean. In fact, especially if Lucifer killed Dean.

"Thanks for your--concern, Cas. And checking up on me. I'm fine. Dean's probably wondering where you are." His voice was clipped, hurt. Castiel was an angel -- and angel doing the right thing. Sam had believed ever since he could remember, had faith because Dean had told him that angels were watching over them.

And they had been. Just not in any way Sam expected.

Dean was righteous. He was good and he was a hero; Sam could see it, and now, Heaven could, too. Dean's intrinsic good was the reason the first seal had broken, of course. His brother had, eventually, told Sam what Alistair had told him - and Sam had replied that he didn't believe that John hadn't broken in Hell. He'd probably broken a thousand times over; it just didn't matter because he wasn't the righteous man - he wasn't Michael's true vessel, and he probably wasn't given an option to take up the knife either.

On the other hand, Sam was evil - an abomination - despite the fact that God had, for whatever twisted reason, ensured that he'd been made this way. He couldn't help but hope that Cas could see that he could be more than an abomination - that he was trying, so hard, all the time.

In the end, Castiel had merely rejected and torn down whatever little self-confidence and faith Sam had.

Sam turned away from the angel, pulling a black shirt over his head.

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one cap per episode: 1.14

#reblog

Dream a little dream of me.

“Thanks to you,” he said, bowing his head slightly with an almost proud smile “I walk the Earth.” His head nodded with appreciate, “I wanna give you a gift, I wanna give you everything,” he said with a shrug, jerking his head slightly to show how serious he was.

“I don’t want anything from you,” Sam’s words cut harshly through his, showing how much regret Lucifer was stirring up by looking at the situation with such thanks and admiration. Like it had been Sam’s choice to bring him here, his intention all along, like he hadn’t been tricked into it.

Lucifer stared into him, body rigid for a moment until what Sam said lost it’s meaning, until the words seemed unnecessarily blunt, and he sighed, suddenly looking down, realising how much this hurt Sam. And he knew that, because he’d been there before. Maybe the situations weren’t exactly the same, but he had lived through such similar pain. “I am so sorry, Sam, I… I really am. But,” he paused, pulling his mouth into a tight line that said ‘well, what can I do?’ as he looked down at his vessel, gesturing down it with both hands, “Nick here is just an improvisation.” He shook his head, looking back up at Sam, brows drawn together hoping he would understand. “Plan B - he can barely contain me without spontaneously combusting.” His words were essentially monotone, like he was talking about some flower he’d bought at the market that just refused to grow.

“What are you talking about?”

He could see the confusion, feel it vibrating from his words, and he stood. How could he not see? How could he not understand? “Why do you think you were in that chapel?” He asked, advancing on him slowly, one step, two steps. His hands pressed together in front of him, as if he was about to pray, but really it was an imploration. “You’re the one, Sam,” he said, pausing to let it sink in. Trying to choose his words carefully. “You’re my vessel,” he paused again, before speaking with conviction, each word emphasized, “my true vessel.” His sheepish smile showed how he almost naively hoped that was all Sam needed to hear to convince him. Like he would understand the importance, and the pain he was already feeling would convince him to just say ‘yes’ when the time came.