It's kind of hard to outlive your past

ind. christian ozera blog from richelle mead's vampire academy book series. as told by laura

[outlivespast]

Laura, 21+, she/her or they/them, asexual. I'll only interact with people who are 18+. this is an independent rp blog for Christian Ozera of Richelle Mead’s Vampire Academy series. No movie influences, headcanon based, crossover, oc, and au friendly. largely developed and based on the worldbuilding done by @tocomefirst and I. sporadic activity + discord available to mutuals upon request. not dimitri or r/omitri friendly. other blog: @lingeringscars

rules / about / verses / exclusives / memes

[outlivespast]

I'll probably make a coherent post later but...Christian is really really bad at compulsion. He doesn't really have the ability to exert his will over others, and really does not enjoy taking autonomy away from others. Even if the cause is justified, he struggles with it to such a degree that rose had to knock the guy out. For all his bolster and threats, he really doesn't like threatening people or hurting them. He views compulsion as an extension of this. ( the exception being that when lissa uses compulsion in actual, scary ways, Christian is 😍😍😍😍 )

[casanovawrites]

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐋𝐃 𝐁𝐄𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐃  ⇢  EPISODE 1.10 SENTENCE STARTERS

tell me where you are.

would you like to hold her? 

pretend you’re with them now. what would you be doing on a tuesday night at 8:30? 

who the hell are you? 

you shouldn’t have come.

just for the record, i’m doing great. 

i still can’t believe they left without saying goodbye. 

put the pistol away, and we’ll talk.

i’m the same person i’ve always been. 

if you’ll just put that weapon away, i can explain. 

i know you don’t wanna shoot that. you don’t wanna hurt anybody else. 

remember our training?

i said to survive outside those walls, you got to make big choices quick.

i’m not gonna hurt you, i swear. 

watch your back. use your forms, like i showed you.

trust yourself. you got this.

i just ran, thinking i was next.

it wasn’t you. 

you’re not a monster. you never were.

we have to save them.

damn, you learned your shit.

all that training, shows what you can do when you apply yourself.

we should keep walking. 

i thought you came to me as a friend.

i care about all of you.

i wanted you to want to go.

i thought you were strong enough. i was right. 

you were convinced the world was gonna end, so i taught you how to fight.

i needed you to see what was worth fighting for.

so, what’s worth fighting for?

it would’ve been easier if it was just you and me. 

the world’s future is at stake. 

you killed them! 

we do what we have to do for the greater good. 

you have no idea who you are. 

this isn’t something normal kids do.

maybe they’ll save the world.

it takes a special kind of smarts to pull that off. 

it’s gonna take a lot to bring this world back. people like you need to be a big part of that. 

it’ll be dark soon. we need to find shelter. 

i wouldn’t think about running. 

they’ll find you. they always find you. 

we need to go. now. 

i can’t drive. i never learned. 

well, you’re gonna learn now. 

i don’t think i can do this. 

that’s totally something my dad would say. 

i’m glad you’re here.

thing is, it’s complicated with moms. 

if you want them to be safe, they can’t know we’re here. 

this is life and death. you gotta trust me on this. 

another big choice. time to make it.

you just left. without even saying goodbye. 

you’re here, you’re safe, and we’re all together. all good things, huh? 

when the hell are you gonna start letting other people take care of you for a change? 

not one more step. not one more word of bullshit. 

that’s what this is all about… the future. 

this is bigger than us. so, you can hate me, and i’ll live with that. 

i don’t want to hurt you.

you can’t save me. 

walking away is the only way you’ll live.

i just wanted you to be happy. i really did.

i think i might know a way out. 

follow me. 

don’t make this worse. 

you got one last chance. 

let us walk, everybody lives. 

my wound opened up. it’s bleeding bad.

i’m slowing you down. 

this blood is just gonna lead them right to you.

i didn’t give up on you before. i’m not going to now. 

you saved us. you get a fresh start.

you’re not a monster.

come on. take the shot. 

you don’t need me to protect you. 

you don’t know what’s gonna happen to you. 

turns out i’m smarter than i thought. 

don’t be the monster. 

you believed in me when i didn’t. 

you’re my best friend.

it’s not too late. you can give me that gun right now. 

i’m doing what i’m doing because i have what i have. 

i only left last night ‘cause i was trying to protect you.

‘cause that’s what we do. we protect each other, and we always will.

i love you, and i know you’re gonna be okay. 

five miles north, you’ll find safety. 

you are aces. i want you to know that. 

in this life, sometimes you got to do bad to do good. 

so grin, girl. 

i’ve got something on my mind. something that’s been eating at me, something sensitive. 

what is it? you can tell me anything. 

this place is important to you. it is to me, too. 

i think it’s possible we’re being lied to.

i was afraid you’d fight this harder. 

it’s not about the now. it’s about the future. greater good. 

thinking about the big picture, that’s what i’m doing. 

what lies ahead is not gonna be easy, but… we’re a part of it now. 

i used to think we were the last of the species, but since then, so much has changed. 

i’ve seen the impossible happen.

i know we’re gonna find the others and save them, because we can do the impossible. 

we’re gonna make our lives count. 

we’re not the last generation. we’re the beginning. 

mothers can be complicated, too. 

you’ve had quite the adventure. 

they’re not a threat. i’m taking care of them. 

you should’ve let me handle this. 

we’ll talk. a lot’s happened since you left. 

storm’s coming in. we’re gonna have to find some shelter, food.

we have spent our whole lives making each other better, stronger. 

your smarts, your instincts, your bravery. they have no clue what you can do. 

they think they need me to save the world, but you… you are gonna save the world from them. 

this is how we give our lives meaning. 

we’re the future. 

i thought you were dead.

we’ve got a lot to catch up on.

[jacobaseed-archive]

Did you ever have sex before the rain?

[this-tragic-affair]

how do people not swear??? like where does their anger go?? how do they show their enthusiasm??? what if they stub their toe??? like saying golly gosh isn’t really gonna cut it barbara 

[outlivespast]

WHAT  TYPE  OF  LOVE  ARE  YOU  ?

the confession

when you say "i love you," it carries the whole weight of your heart. it feels like closing your eyes and stepping off a cliff. maybe you've been planning to tell them for days now, or maybe it's just slipped out without you realizing, either way, it was inevitable. it's relief and dread all at once, it's mortifying yet hopeful. the words hang heavy and suspended in the air, thick enough to choke on, a brief and perilous moment against the mortal pull of gravity.

tagged   :  @intohero xo tagging   :  @tocomefirst / @wistcrias / @undred (val) / @serendpitous

[karanna1]

Whatever you want.

[inanotherunivrse]

in another universe i’m able to save you

[rp-meme-slut]

Does anyone else just get super happy when they see your partners response to the thread?? Like you just fell so giddy and excited because their writing is just amazing and you’re just so happy because your muse gets to interact with theirs and you just freak out because holy shit this is so cool and this thread is just amazing

Because I do, like almost 99% of the time I’m roleplaying with someone

[outlivespast]

[ 🚓 ] would your muse break the law?

yeah lmao. i don’t think he’d do anything like what you think when you think of breaking the law, but he has little regard for trespassing and even breaking and entering. it’s kinda like... if he sees a way to find justice even if through means that are not legal, he’s gonna do it? he also literally harbors his fugitive aunt & helps break his best friend out of jail. the law need not apply when it comes to helping his loved ones. it does also apply to people outside of those he loves; fighting for justice rarely means following the rules and laws. 

you won’t see him just steal something for personal gain or pleasure though. 

[ 🧸 ] does your muse have any guilty pleasures or hobbies that make them embarrassed?

playing the piano does embarrass him. it’s just very connected to their wealth, and he really only enjoys it because of the music connection to tasha and being able to read sheet music with her. i think the one thing he actually does feel kind of embarrassed about is his own attempts at writing?? i don’t know if that’s something he’d ever share. as a kid he did keep a diary and it was just all these feelings that were trapped inside every time he lost another friend or someone made a comment about him or his parents or tasha. as he got older it turned more into writing short stories and channeling those emotions into characters. i think it’s also part of how he learned to communicate even though tasha was big on healthy communication to begin with. but being able to write these stories where people worked out their problems and grew helped him in his own relationships. 

[ 🩹 ] what does your muse do to de-stress?

when isn’t he stressed. actually christian is very good at realizing when he’s overwhelmed or when things are too much and he needs to take a step back. in terms of like...activities that he does to de-stress, he reads. but what he really does ... is hide. christian loved hide and seek as a kid and actually takes comfort from small spaces. remember...he’s 6′3 so a lot of spaces are small to him. but he feels comfortable in a tight ball and it helps him center himself and focus on the present instead of letting his thoughts spiral out of control. he needs the confinement to work through his emotions. the silence helps him. when things are very stressful in his life, don’t be surprised if he is nowhere to be seen. he was very good at hide and seek.  

@serendpitous / headcanon memes inspired by things i like, part 1. / still accepting

[outlivespast]

[ 🃏 ] how does your muse handle being lied to?

not well. christian is really big on honesty, and he can forgive almost anything if the person is upfront with him. he doesn’t do well when people lie, and he doesn’t do well with people thinking they’re telling the truth but can’t follow through with it either. that’s more of a blindspot, really, where he convinces himself it was a lie from the jump instead of what it was: someone overestimating their ability. 

he’s also just... brutally honest. but not even in a malicious way !! he isn’t trying to hurt anyone, he just doesn’t have a filter and lacks the social skills to realize he’s talking without thinking. he has a good read of people, and he tends to.. exploit isn’t the word i’m looking for but basically he isn’t afraid to just say whatever he thinks of the other person and what they’re thinking / feeling if he believes that he’s right. LIKE rose when she finally broke off her engagement struggled getting rid of the ring, and christian was like well you never liked the thing anyway. without even thinking about it, even if that wasn’t something they had discussed before and without realizing that it goes much deeper than it just being a ring. 

he thinks lies of omission are just as bad, and he isn’t one to sugarcoat, even when comforting someone. he’s more likely to lean into the situation to address whatever the problem is and focus on the facts when making an assessment. 

he has a very bad history of people keeping things from him, and he doesn’t want to perpetuate that. he needs to get better and understanding circumstances, but for now... yeah not well. 

@heartborrow / headcanon memes inspired by things i like, part 1.  / still accepting 

[outlivespast]

does your muse like giving compliments?

yes. he likes it when other people feel good. he’s not really big on like...appearance compliments unless they’re very casual? like he very casually says rose has nice hair. it’s not like he’s trying to give a compliment but it is one, you know? he tends to compliment people based of their personality traits, and he likes to !! 

how easy is it for your muse to say ‘ i love you’?

asked and answered by mace xo

what is one compliment your muse is dying to hear?

asked and answered by liz <3

what is something your muse loves being praised for?

this goes hand and hand with the compliment part i think. he likes being praised for things he does instead of who he is ( being royal is supposed to come with praise; being king too. he hates that ). so being praised for his cooking..he loves that. it’s a skill he sought out and honed. he prickles when people comment on his ability to play the piano because that was forced on him, but he chose to start cooking and really enjoys it. his fire magic is who he is, but he does appreciate it when people recognize how powerful he really is at it. it could be seen as something negative, but he’s really powerful and really good and that’s an ego boost too. he has more control than most adults; he thinks he gets to be obnoxious about it. 

@terrifyingstories / headcanons based off the five love languages / not accepting bc tiffany asked all of them  

[outlivespast]

does your muse like it when people do work for them?

not really. he does a lot of mental work to handle having guardians, especially since his parents killed theirs. which i know is a very literal take of work, since it’s literally their job to look after him. but laurel, his guardian, is more like his friend than an employee. she lives in his house and has free time whenever christian can give it to her. he doesn’t let her stand in the background in his home he’s like tf are u doing get over here. he also fights rose when she tries to do work around the house bc he’s like ?? you don’t ?? need to do that ?? 

part of this is that he’s very self-sufficient. he had to grow up fast, and he learned how to take care of a home at a very young age. tasha helped make sure he was independent, and so he sees other people doing things and he’s very wtf. he also grew up with people who would clean and cook for him, and he doesn’t want the people he lives with to think they have to do that, too. which is dumb bc it’s their space, too, but he’s working on that. 

does your muse enjoy giving people a hand with work?

yeah ! he doesn’t always think to though. he’ll make sarcastic comments the entire time, but he does like feeling useful and keeping busy. he wants to help out where he can, and honestly would make a good househusband. the problem is he’s not really big on physical labor and much prefers activities and work that require mental labor. he would rather help solve a puzzle than garden. 

what acts of service would your muse appreciate the most?

vacuuming the house... i know this contradicts everything that i said up there but.. he really doesn’t like vacuuming. or taking out the trash. he eventually becomes okay with rose buying groceries, and if laurel wanted to do the dishes after a meal he cooked, he wouldn’t complain. 

what is one chore your muse would prefer someone else do for them?

see above. i looked up examples of acts of service and went from there, but these are chores so yeah. 

@terrifyingstories / headcanons based off the five love languages / not accepting bc tiffany asked all of them  

[outlivespast]

does your muse enjoy giving gifts?

honestly, no. he feels weird giving gifts. it was always something that was seen as this act of polite exchange, and he has too many memories of being asked to pick out something for complete strangers. he’s bigger on like...Big Gestures? small gifts aren’t his thing, but he’ll pay to put his friends through college lmao. he needs to learn money boundaries, but he also doesn’t like the money that he has because of the attachments it comes with. he’s simple; he just wants to make sure the people he loves are eating and have somewhere to sleep. he can gift his home. 

what is a gift your muse is hoping to receive?

love lmao. i’m sad. it’s really...the only thing. and at this point he kinda views it as a gift because it’s been so long that he’s like oh someone is kind to me and gifted me with love. in terms of like tangible things... i don’t think he really has anything. he stopped wishing for things a long, long time ago. he would probably geek out over a fancy kitchen kit, so i guess that. he kinda just gets whatever he needs when he needs it. which makes giving him practical gifts very difficult. he also has some major jess mariano energy in that he wants book recs and wants people to gift him their favorite books. 

does your muse prefer receiving more practical or fun gifts?

asked and answered thanks liz <3 

does your muse like it when someone spends a lot of money on them?

no. not at all. which is ironic when he’s the type to do exactly that without thinking about it. his parents just kinda spent a ton of money to uphold appearances, and he rejects that so supremely. he enjoyed his life so much more in his small apartment with tasha that they got to decorate themselves than he ever did with any gift his parents spent money on him with. it just makes him uncomfortable. he also just wouldn’t like any lavish gifts that would be expensive to begin with. 

@terrifyingstories / headcanons based off the five love languages / not accepting bc tiffany asked all of them  

[outlivespast]

what is your muse’s ideal date night?

INSIDE. like whew he does not want a night out. he’d feel weird and awkward because it’s just not his scene?? he gets used to large crowds, but it’s never where he’s gonna feel comfortable. it’s too reminiscent of dinners he was forced to go through as a child where it feels like appearances are all that matter. he’s rather just stay home, cook a meal, and watch some movie cuddled on the couch. WITH THAT SAID. he’s absolutely that guy who would love a library date tbqh. it’s a quiet place but like sharing your fave books and just reading next to each other...he’d feel so close to the other person. 

how comfortable is your muse with prolonged eye contact?

not very. even with people he loves, he finds that very odd. if there’s some sort of purpose to the eye contact, like trying to calm down or comfort the other person, then he will be okay. but overall he’s very...please stop looking at me. if he feels like he needs to protect someone he loves, however, he’ll stare down anyone. 

does your muse prefer conversation or just sitting quietly with their s/o?

sitting quietly!! conversation is nice and all but he’s not exactly known for his conversational skills. he doesn’t like mindless conversation very much, and would much prefer to sit in comfortable silence with the person he loves. it’s another reason why he doesn’t like going out on dates; he feels more pressure to hold a conversation and have small talk. it feels more like a business arrangement than a date. 

is it easy for your muse to devote their full attention to one person at a time?

yes. once you have his attention, you have all of him. he gets annoyed at other people interrupting his time with his s/o because he’s trying to spend time with them and wants to be with them completely, only them. he’s very quick to kick people out of the room if they try and interrupt ( this does usually apply to adrian ). 

@terrifyingstories / headcanons based off the five love languages / not accepting bc tiffany asked all of them  

[soulrph]

potentially romantic prompts.

u know the pining content? yearning stuff, stuff that you see on the television or in a book that gets you shipping things like crazy?? yeah. here u go buddies. as always, feel free to reverse the circumstances! sender is the person sending the meme, receiver is the person receiving the meme, and specify muses if you're sending it as or to a multi!!!

[ JACKET ] : sender gives receiver their jacket after seeing them shiver in the cold.

[ EXTRA ] : sender buys an extra coffee/snack/etc. to give to receiver.

[ GAZE ] : sender stares longingly at receiver when they think they aren't looking.

[ HOLD ] : sender holds receiver in their arms in order to comfort or protect them.

[ CATCH ] : sender catches receiver's hand instinctively out of surprise or concern, and holds it.

[ WAIT ] : sender, out of concern, waits for receiver to make sure they're okay after noticing them act strangely.

[ ESCORT ] : sender accompanies the receiver home late at night, in order to ensure they're safe.

[ RESCUE ] : sender goes out of their way to help the receiver after they call for help. ( aka: 'stay right there, i'm on my way' )

[ TACKLE ] : sender instinctively tackles or shields receiver from harm's way.

[ LISTEN ] : sender attentively listens to receiver as they speak. ( i.e., eye contact, leaning forward, nodding etc. )

[ NOTICE ] : sender verbally acknowledges a recent change in the receiver, either physical or in their personality.

[ TEND ] : sender gently tends to a wound the receiver recently got. ( 'you're such an idiot' but lovingly??? yeah i'm weak-- )

[ CUP ] : sender cups or caresses receiver's face.

[ CHECK ] : sender checks in on receiver following an emotionally distressing incident to make sure they're okay.

[ ADJUST ] : sender adjusts an item of clothing or jewellery that the receiver is wearing, resulting in them being very close together.

[ SMILE ] : sender lights up with a bright smile upon seeing the receiver enter the room.

[ OPEN ] : sender is openly emotionally vulnerable in front of the receiver, trusting them with this moment of vulnerability.

[ FAVOR ] : sender does a favor for receiver without being asked to, or expecting a reward in return.

[ TALK ] : sender initiates conversation with the receiver to comfort them. ( BONUS: ADD A QUESTION THAT THEY MIGHT ASK THE RECEIVER! )

[ BEDSIDE ] : sender waits by receiver's bedside as they recover from an illness or an injury.

[ LOOK ] : sender engages in focused eye contact with the receiver.

[ CONFESS ] : sender confesses their feelings for receiver.

[ CLOSE ] : sender and receiver find themselves unexpectedly close to one another.

[ KISS ] : sender kisses receiver in order to protect their identities, but is the kiss completely professional? or is there something else...?

[outlivespast]

does your muse like being hugged?

it’s complicated. the short answer is yes. he just hasn’t been hugged by anyone other than his aunt in years, so he might take a long time to respond and be incredibly awkward about it. once he’s comfortable, though, he loves it!! it’s not really relevant he’s just such a little spoon !! he loves being held. 

where could someone touch your muse to calm them down?

asked and answered by liz <3 

is there anywhere on your muse’s body they want to be touched most?

this is such a weird question tbh. i don’t think it’s all that different from where he is touched to calm down?? aka hair, back, arms. i think shoulders are a big thing but that’s a bellamy thing. yes this is a va verse thing where i self inserted bellamy. but bellamy is big on shoulder touches and he got torn away from chrsitian when he was younger and he just misses that small, encouraging touch. 

does your muse find themselves subconsciously seeking out physical contact? ( ie. reaching for s/o’s hand without realizing it )

not really tbh. it’s not subconscious !! he doesn’t tend to reach out when he needs support so he kinda needs someone who can see when he needs that contact in his life, but he’s really good at that for other people! if he sees that someone else needs that, then he’ll reach out. it tends to be more of a conscious trying to comfort other people ( usually an s/o ) with physical touch. he’s big on resting his head on people’s shoulders / in their lap when he feels comfy ( again usually with an s/o ). anyway basically it’s usually deliberate. 

@terrifyingstories / headcanons based off the five love languages / not accepting bc tiffany asked all of them