hello vonnie
Cosimo Galluzzi
Misplaced Lens Cap
Today's Document
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d e v o n
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Claire Keane
noise dept.
NASA
Jules of Nature
Game Changer & Make Some Noise
Show & Tell
occasionally subtle
The Bowery Presents
★
todays bird
No title available
Sade Olutola
bliss lane
seen from United States
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seen from Bangladesh
seen from Colombia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Maldives
seen from United States
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seen from Argentina
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@outtathevirgosupercluster
June 17, 2020
This is the first time I've opened tumblr in probably close to a year. Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm ok, and I'm alive, and I'm 21 now. Fucking crazy yo.
Jordan and I are still going strong
I dont talk to Joey anymore
I made it through year 1 of Uni after moving
The pandemic is killing me mentally
But I'll be ok. I'm gunna be ok.
Stay safe. Stay strong.
Love always,
Camryn
This heart-warming Disneyland Paris spot features a sweet CG duck who simply adores Donald Duck. It’s the perfect cure for post-Christmas blues!!!
i can’t believe disney has me crying about a goddamn duck
Hey, unpopular opinion, apparently. But people don’t just “have pain for no reason” doctors say this all the time (especially to women and chronically ill people) and the truth is, Thats literally not possible. Even if your pains are psychosomatic (a word I hesitate to even use because of the way its used so often) there is a reason you are having those pains whether its mental illness, abuse, etc. If your doctor consistently tells you that “well some people just have pain for no reason” get a new doctor. That’s a doctor who is not going to give a shit what your actual symptoms or experiences are.
I just wanna add to clarify the psychosomatic thing.
That word DOES NOT MEAN you’re making it up. It doesn’t mean you’re imagining the symptom. What it means is that the symptom ISN’T DIRECTLY CAUSED BY ANY OF THE THINGS THAT WOULD NORMALLY CAUSE IT.
I fought to get a PCOS diagnosis for 2 and a half years. For the ENTIRE time I was fighting, I was dealing with 3 cysts that were not going away by themselves and eventually required surgery to remove. At one point close to the end of the battle, I suddenly went blind. I was visiting my parents and was standing on the veranda looking out over the tree we had planted in memory of my dog and suddenly I got one of the shooting pains that I was quite frankly used to at that point and my vision started to go dark. It was like the sun was setting while being completely hidden behind storm clouds but it was 2pm in the middle of Summer on a clear day. Within about 30 seconds I couldn’t see ANYTHING. I was 27 years old and I was screaming for my mother.
My mum raced me to her doctor (he was a 15 minute drive away as opposed to 45 minutes to the nearest hospital) and he quickly worked out that there was nothing wrong with my eyes and what had happened was totally unrelated to them. Then he said it was psychosomatic and I freaked out, yelling that I was NOT making this up and I definitely wasn’t imagining it. Very quickly he calmed me down and said he believed me and I had misunderstood. He explained that whatever was going on with my abdominal pains (he suggested PCOS which I hadn’t even heard of at that point) had been ignored for so long that my body was starting to do things other than the normal pain response to try to draw my attention to the problem. My sight going was my body basically jumping around in front of me going “HEY ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME HELLLOOOOOOO??????”
He gave me some prescription strength painkillers and my sight started to come back as soon as they started to kick in. About 45 minutes after it started I could see well enough to walk around without help and within a day and a half I was back to normal. On top of that I finally had a scan booked to figure out what the hell was causing all the pain.
Psychosomatic symptoms are NOT imagined or fabricated or happening for “no reason”. Experiencing them DOES NOT make you a liar. It makes you someone who has been battling with something serious for so long that your own body has started to get impatient with you.
I completely agree. Thank you for sharing this.
Psychosomatic symptoms are literally your body flipping random alarm switches just to get any alarm blaring because you’ve been ignoring the regular ones
december 30, 2018
ive been mentally cutting myself for like 2 months because of how lonely i feel when im left entirely alone and i think maybe thats why i go on the homestuck roleplay site so much 🙃🙃🙃
December 19, 2018 - 12:19am
why do i still feel so alone?
hah
October 23, 2018
A lot happened today. A lot of things I didnt think would happen. Things I didnt expect and I dont know how to feel about. I feel like im collapsing, like everything is finally imploding and I dont know how to hold it together anymore. But I am, some how. I made it through the day. Im alive, and life goes on. I am still here. Joey is okay, Chance is fucking gone thank God, and everything is going to be okay. I need to work a little harder at my physics, but I think I can do it. Its going to be hard, but the best things in life arent easy. This was a bit of a set back, but I will get back up and I will try again tomorrow.
Heres to another day, and heres to new beginnings, fresh starts, and hopefully the beginning of something better than before.
Lets try again.
“The prophecy did say ‘no man of woman born’… but you are not what I was expecting.” The old witch peered beadily over her spectacles. “I thought the hero would be a young lady, or someone delivered by C-section, or maybe the child of a transgender man. Not… whatever you’re supposed to be.” She gestured vaguely at Cam with a wizened and knobbly hand.
“I am an automaton, ma’am.”
The witch scoffed. “An Ottoman? The empire may be large, hero, but it is not that large. I’d know if there were metal men stomping around in some far-off corner of the world. Don’t lie to me, hero. I’ll smell it.”
Cam dipped its head. “I am a mechanical construction, assembled by a master craftsman. I can perform many actions like a living thing, if my springs are wound beforehand.”
“PAH!” The witch spat. “So humans send clocks to slay dragons now, is that right? Pathetic!”
“To be fair,” said Cam, “I am a very nice clock.”
The witch huffed, but her scowl cracked into a toothy grin. “Ahh, so you are. Polite, too, an’ that’s rare these days. Come in, hero, an’ I’ll see if I can’t find a boon to grant you.”
Cam stood up and dusted itself off. “I beg your pardon, sir, but I am on a quest and in a hurry. Could you tell me how to get out of this place? My compass was damaged by a troll, and I am very lost.”
“You chipped my fang!” The vampire‘s words were muffled as he held his hands over his mouth.
“I am very sorry, sir,” said Cam. “I would have warned you, but you jumped on me before I had the chance. Will you be alright?”
“No!” The vampire glowered. “I’ve been stalking you all night and now I’m starving! All I wanted was blood!”
“I haven’t got any of that,” Cam apologized. “I am only an automaton.”
“No blood?” The vampire’s shoulders slumped. “Well, what about oil…? Lubricant…? Any kind of vital fluid?”
“I’m afraid not. Can you actually drink lubricant?”
“I dunno. I’ve never tried,” said the vampire, shrugging. “Honestly, it all sounds good about now. I haven’t fed in weeks!”
Cam opened its chest to reveal the jungle of complex machinery inside. “I am made entirely of clockwork,” it said. “I am sorry to inconvenience you.”
The vampire squinted suspiciously at Cam’s clicking gears and took a step back. “Any of your bits made of silver?” There was a note of anxiety in his voice.
“I don’t think so.” Cam looked down at itself. “I’m mostly brass, as far as I can tell, with steel reinforcements…”
“Just checking. Sorry if that was an invasive question, it’s just, you know, I’ve got an allergy to silver and all… I’ve got to be careful.” The vampire looked away sheepishly.
“Oh!” Cam shut its chest and opened a compartment on its thigh. “I always carry an EpiPen! You never know when someone will need it.”
The vampire’s jaw dropped. The very tip of one of his fangs had broken off. “Those things are so expensive! I haven’t owned one since I was alive!”
“I don’t need it,” said Cam, and offered it to the vampire. “If your silver allergy is that dangerous, it should be yours. Go ahead - keep it.”
“Really?! But… I just tried to eat you…”
“Lots of people have.” The automaton shrugged. “I’ve gotten used to it.”
The vampire reached out a thin white hand and reverently accepted the cylinder of medicine. He looked at Cam with an odd expression. “Thank you…” His voice came out choked. “I… don’t know what to say… how can I repay you, automaton?”
“Payment is not necessary. I do not need to eat or drink or pay for room and board… but if it’s not too much trouble, could you show me how to get out of these woods?”
The vampire nodded gravely.
[Content warning: SWARMS!]
The little bee returned and buzzed around Cam’s head. “I am back!” she said brightly. “I brought some of my sisters to meet you!”
Cam held out its hand and the three worker bees alighted gently upon its palm. “Hello,” it said. “My name is Cam. I am pleased to meet you!”
“My sisters are quiet,” said Scout. “But they are the wisest and bravest in the clan.” She did an odd little dance on the swell of Cam’s thumb. “See, sisters?! I found it - all by myself! Isn’t it wonderful?”
“It is very strange,” said the largest bee, regarding it critically with her tiny compound eyes and twitching her antennae. “I have never seen a tree that moved so much.”
“I am not a tree,” said Cam. “I am an automaton; a very complicated kind of machine. Do you think can help me? I carried an old man across a river, but my legs have rusted and I cannot move them.” It pointed at its knees. “I am stuck here and cannot continue my quest until I am freed.”
The bees whispered to each other. Scout wiggled excitedly for a moment, speaking in a hushed voice, and then the largest bee spoke again. “We are only three little worker bees and can do little on our own,” she said. “But we serve a clan of fifteen thousand strong, and the strength of the hive cannot be measured!” Her tiny voice swelled with passion. “Our queen will know what to do - we will return and consult with her now.”
The three bees took off and sped away in the direction of their hive. Scout lingered for a moment, buzzing, and Cam waved at her gratefully. Then she zipped off in pursuit of her sisters.
Cam stood still, listening to the steady ticking of its gears. In the distance it could hear the faintest rumble of thunder, and hoped that the bees would hurry back and free it before it began to rain. Ten minutes passed, then twenty, and the storm grew nearer and nearer. Just as the automaton began to lose hope, it heard a low humming from beyond the trees that grew louder and louder, until the leaves erupted with motion.
Thousands upon thousands of bees burst into the clearing. The air became thick with sound and motion as the insects churned it with their tiny wings, circling around and around in a dark, dense cloud. Some began to land on Cam.
“I brought my family!” said a tiny voice. Scout had to shout to be heard over the loud droning of the swarm.
“Thank you!” said Cam, raising its arms slightly to avoid crushing the bees that were now clinging to its sides. “I am very grateful for your help!”
Scout landed on its nose and peered at it intently. “Our queen is very tired, and we have all traveled very far with no food. We must rest now before we get to work.”
“I understand,” said Cam. “I would not ask you to exhaust yourselves.”
Scout hopped from foot to foot to foot as more bees began to land. “Splendid!” she exclaimed. “We must find cover from the storm, or many of us may die. Will you let us shelter within you?”
“Oh,” said Cam. “Okay.” It could already feel little fuzzy bodies squirming through the gaps of its knees.
“We thank you, friend Cam!”
The air began to still as all the bees settled to rest on the automaton’s body, forming a thick, humming blanket that covered it from head to toe. Some found gaps and crevices at its joints and squeezed inside, and others followed. Cam opened its mouth to ask how long they would need to rest, but bees clambered over its brass lips and upward into its face. To speak would be to crush them between moving gears.
Soon, the entire hive had found its way inside. The soft clattering of millions of tiny feet upon the inner surface of Cam’s brass sheeting echoed in its head, drowning out the sound of its own ticking clockwork. Dark clouds rolled overhead and rain began to patter on the automaton’s body. Most of the water rolled off harmlessly, but some trickled in through the seam of its neck, where more vulnerable mechanics were located. Cam readjusted carefully.
“Please stop moving!” shrieked a tiny voice inside its head. “You’re hurting us!”
“I am sorry! I did not mean–”
“Don’t speak!” The little voice was desperate. “It hurts when you speak!”
Cam fell quiet and waited for morning.
When the sun rose, some of the bees began to stir. Workers clambered out of its torso and stretched their little legs, humming softly to themselves before rising into the air and flying off. Cam watched them go curiously.
“We are all very hungry,” explained Scout, stifling a yawn. “Most of us have not eaten in days, but there is a field nearby full of sweet yellow flowers. We must collect nectar and pollen for our queen and brothers to regain our strength.”
Cam nodded very slightly, eliciting buzzes of irritation inside its head.
The next morning, it tried to ask again, but the queen was busy laying eggs and could not be disturbed from her most noble duty.
On the fourth day, Cam had to interrupt the business of the hive. Its mainspring was unwinding and needed to be tightened by turning the key in the center of its back, just like any clock. If it unwound completely, the automaton would run out of kinetic energy and become senseless and immobile.
“I’m sorry, friend Cam!” said Scout. “But my baby sisters have only just hatched, and they need to be tended to! They are soft and legless things, and cannot leave their cells. You will surely kill them if you move! Please do not hurt them!”
On the seventh day, Cam found itself unable to move. Its mainspring was very loose and it had to speak with great effort, for thick honeycombs had been built around delicate mechanics, paralyzing it from within. It could not move its arms to reach its winding key.
“You tricked me,” it said in a weak voice. “I thought that you were going to help me.”
“I have helped my clan,” retorted Scout. “There can be no evil in that.”
“I am going to shut down,” said Cam. “And there is no one around to wake me up again.”
Scout sighed and rubbed her antennae with her front legs. “To die for the good of the hive is a great honor. You are a worker too, friend Cam! We both serve, and you can serve so many lives!”
Cam could not argue with that even if it wanted to, for its gears were gummed up with honeycomb. The slow, labored ticking of its clockwork could just be heard over the steady hum of the hive within.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick…
And then it was still, and Cam was aware of nothing more, until the great snuffling and slurping of a shaggy beast interrupted its oblivion.
“Stupid. Fucking. Ugh! Bees!” The bear snorted in annoyance, and pawed again at Cam’s back.
Arctic fox at a glacial river
Benjamin Hardman
i feel a spiral coming on
yaaaaay
fucking.. wonderful
September fucking 30th, 20 fucking 18
i just want to fucking die
just fucking kill me so i dont have to do it myself
god i just want a fucking hug
i just want to feel happy
why the fuck does this keep ahppening to me
oh yeaah you wer fuckin "sick" hey? totally fine friday, cant move out of bed saturday, totally fuvking fine on sunday. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. fuck you. GOD you are fuckign infuriating sometimes
fuck this fucking life fuck fuck fuck
Sept 26, 2018 - 10:07pm
yknow as much as i complain about my relationship on here, Jordan is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Hes so sweet and kind and soft and handsome (and sexy) and just.. amazing. I’m in a discord call with him right him right now and i cant help but swoon over him as he nerds out about skyrim. I got to see him for a bit today, and it made my day so much better.
he let me borrow his tablet since I smashed mine yesterday, and theres some stuff on it that should be left privately, so ill laugh at it for a second and just give it back. Its not weird, compared to some of the stuff i’ve looked up no doubt, even recently (yikes cam).
oh man if he knew hed probably break up with me lmao. somethings are better left a secret.
someone.. please.
just make me feel okay
just for one nigbt
before its too late
i didnt sign up for this life. i dont want to live like this. i cant. i feel so empty. everything is so meaningless
pllesse
i miss feeling normal
i miss feeling like i meant something
why am i so worthless to everyone around me
ive been begging and screaming and crying for help
nobodys listening
nobody sees me drowning
not even jordan
all i can get from everyone is "yikes" or "oof" or "mood"
why cant someone give me some god damb compassion every now and then
i just want to feel loved
is that too much to ask?
