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izzy's playlists!
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@overlyinfatuated
Just a reminder my blog is trans inclusive. It’s bi inclusive. It is pan inclusive. It is intersex inclusive. It is ace/asexual inclusive. It is aro/aromantic inclusive. It is queer inclusive.
I don’t support terfs or exclusionists.
If you came here looking for an ally in your bigotry you came to the wrong blog. Go away. You are not welcome here.
meet me in the in between?
like Alessia said; when did you fall out of love with me?
nothing hurts worse than being told how much of a pos I was for saying something damaging to you. while I was in the middle of my first known hypomanic episode, when I felt like I was losing my mind and going to die. scared and begging you for help you chose to withold whilst acting like you were helping. yet you say the exact same thing to me casually on a sunny Tuesday afternoon and I'm just supposed to take it and not say anything? like this has just been my entire experience. NOTHING matters when it's done to me. but EVERYTHING matters if I do it to anyone else. what the fuck is going on bro. 😭
Brugmansia arborea
These pretty and hallucinogenic plants are used in shamanic ceremonies.
can it all just be a wash? not ignore it all, but put it on the back burner for now, set a day to bring it up. even if it means we do it with J or A present... work back to what we want in the interim, please?
why am I forced to live a life that isn't even my own?
there is no point. I've given everything I fucking can. I kept holding on and it only ever gets worse. noone gives a fuck anyway, that's obvious.
got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?
"I understand you and your disabilities" then immediately explain several different things you feel like I'm doing wrong, you don't understand why I'm doing, insist I'm doing things on purpose, etc. everything you lists is a characteristic or symptom of said disabilities... i'm telling you these things significantly impact my ability to function and respond as you see fit. that I need understanding, and help/time to change. I don't get understanding and comprehension of my struggles. I get to be on the receiving end of you getting noticably more mad at me for trying to explain and be understood. then it shifts to "you always have a reason" I AM FUCKING DISABLED. my brain does not process information or stimulation the way you people want it to and I CAN'T fucking change it. I can only try and figure out how to accomdate it. funny thing is, I'm now allowed to do that either. you just get mad. no matter how you THINK you behaved you have ALWAYS just gotten mad or belittled me. like quite literally what the fuck am I supposed to do? labotomize me or something at this point. I don't fucking care anymore. free me from this endless hell that is my mind. I'm so sick of feeling like every aspect of my existence is somehow wrong.
my mental disabilities are not an excuse for my behavior, they are an explanation for why I'm not behaving the way YOU may think I should or in a way that you don't understand. I understand I can still do things incorrectly and I do my best to apologize and talk thru it. you encouraged me to seek help then have treated me like shit in practically everyday since I got diagnosed. I am trying my fucking hardest and it quite literally never matter because my brain isn't worth learning, I am not worth learning. my hardships, my disabilities, my voice, me in the grand scheme of things none of it fucking matters. all I am ever good for is whatever other people decide to take from me and never replenish. I'm always wrong. I'm just so fucking done.
everyone just decides my reality for me rather than listening to (and comprehending with empathy) my experience. it's quite exhausting feeling like I'm living a life that doesn't actually exist.
{via}
everything feels so god damn meaningless.
