オブレ と キツネ

オブレ と キツネ

[ovreandthefox]

Do You Worth The Anxiety?

For me, it’s simple. Tag eachother on instagram, or mention eachother on meme posts, or randomly sending emoji at our break time, or randomly sending uncontemplative photo of what you doing at the moment, or everything. Not that “ergh, you are too social media, i don’t like that”, but what’s so hard, i’m visual person, you know. I’d love to SEE things. Not only read it and let it go like you always do. You ask me whether i believe in a commitment or not, and all i can say is  I don’t believe in anything in the first place, tho. So, why did you decide to trust me? Yah we’ll see, if you worth my anxiety

I once had an evening walk with my friend who is married to a religious guy and they’re having a child. It’s nice and cute until i showed her a pretty pink 80s pants that i think will fit in her and she said “You know, i’ll buy this pants secretly, hahaha” She laughed. I was questioning it while she continued her line with “My husband won’t ever ever ever allowed me to wear this kind of pants.”

She laughed. I laughed. Then i think about something, After marriage, do people still fake something to eachother?

I can’t believe i would survive that ----when i secretly dying as hell and still ride the ferris wheel---- phase of life.

[postmoheartsclub]

Maybe You Were A Crab and I Were A Good Chef

Someday when you asked me, “since when” questions it brought me to the thoughts of we’ve already met in our primordial life as a crustacean or something way long long ago.

It was June, and that’s not a déjà vu, when we were being in a same group of strangers and sitting next to each other as a stranger. Not like every stranger i’d sit with, maybe sounds kinky, but this is true, i feel i’ve known you in our previous life like we’re something familiar, not as we are now, and somehow we were connected for a long time eventhough we are not having a conversation yet.

Don’t wanna talk about us right now, let me focus on how i feel when i was only 3 inches far from you, facing the lame hotel paper and the boring public speakers with their presentation slides and suddenly the time lane is leaking. I’m not a kind of people who wear jade as my spiritual statement or having a lucky charm, but that day, where my restless legs syndrome rocking under the vintage tablecloth, i believe in (i hope this won’t make me less-Moslem) reincarnation and afterlife and everything Hindu-ism. The connection between us was stronger than the wi-fi in the meeting room and i don’t know how to act when actually i want to jump to you and shout “Have we met before?”

Long time before that ‘Strange-Feeling-Experience’ with you, i used to know that i-might be-having a superstition about people i’ll meet. In some cases, i could guess whether i’ll have a fight with certain people or not at the very first time i meet them, and it 100% comes true. For the first time, it scares me, it projects me on how i lose people in my life. Then, it became my shield to protect myself from people who tend to hurt me sooner or later, because it’s getting clearer day by day that my spirit tries to communicate with me about everything it knows.

Sure you’ll just laugh it out everytime i told the ‘Strange-Feeling-Experience’. Everyone will do. They would just think it’s only a cheapy cliche caused by the euphoria but, despite our karmic relationship, how do you explain the sensation i feel back in June, when we were barely know each other and never thought it will turn into comical romantic story. And of all species, seven billion people, seven millions animals, hundred thousands fungis and plants, and mega-ultra-billion probabilities longer than the phi, we still had a chance to meet again. Reincarnated. As you and me.

[ovreandthefox]

Cheeseburger

Jam makan siang kuhabiskan bersama mama dengan mampir ke pusat pertokoan untuk jajan junkfood. Setelah membayar sekian puluh ribu rupiah, mama duduk di bangku menunggu kentang goreng masak sedangkan aku memilih untuk menunggu di pinggir konter sambil menonton kesibukkan di dapur.

Si pembuat burger yang super cepat membabarkan kertas pembungkus di atas meja stainless steel. Meletakkan roti bagian bawah, mengoleskan mustard dan saus rahasia, menambahkan dua potong acar di atasnya, menutupnya dengan daging dan melapisinya dengan keju, untuk kemudian ia tutup dengan roti bagian atas dan membungkus semuanya menggunakan kertas alas tadi, semuanya dilakukan dengan amat cekatan. Ia menoleh kepadaku yang tampak takjub dengan gerakan tangannya, dengan canggung ia memasukkan dua burger ke dalam microwave dan bersiap mengangkat kentang dari dalam fryer sambil sesekali memeriksa--apakah aku masih menonton aksinya. Dua gelas minuman soda yang berembun hadir di atas nampan. Kubawa nampan yang penuh itu ke meja di mana mama sibuk dengan telepon genggamnya dan kami melahapnya tanpa ampun---kecuali sodanya, minuman manis membuat kepalaku pusing. Menyisakan tisu kusut yang tidak terpakai dan saus-saus di pojokan wadah plastik kecil yang membuat kami diam-diam bergumam ‘Untuk apa, sih, wadah plastik?’. Tapi gumaman itu kami tinggalkan di sana, di atas meja dan nampan kotor, bersamaan dengan struk pembelian yang tidak terbaca.

Sesekali, di jalan pukul 5 sore, di atas kendaraan, lima puluh senti di belakang zebra cross, palingkan tatapan ke belakang. Kuingin kamu melihat wajah-wajah para pengendara yang baru pulang dari kantor dalam setelan kemeja dan celana hitam mereka. Tidakkah kalian ingin tahu apa yang ada di dalam kepala mereka sewaktu menunggu lampu merah menjadi hijau. Begitu pula dengan apa yang ada di kepala si pembuat burger super cepat ketika ia mengemas cheeseburger demi cheeseburger yang tidak membuatnya berliur lagi.

[postmoheartsclub]

[ovreandthefox]

follow postmohearts.tumblr.com

[ovreandthefox]

The Oscillator

lean these thirty three backbones on the cracked Victorian wallpaper black spider passed my perception and asks a question i'll never answer

the leaking ceiling leaves black stains spewing droplets of curiosity which should be there in your odd gaze that fall out to the lung of entity

for a word that unspoken as a sword that stabbed better left unclear better left half-plucked

[ovreandthefox]

Read This Before You Falling

Hello, My old-self in the future.

With this letter i’m gonna tell you what i’ve done and through. I might be younger than you-now, but trust me, what i think today, is true:

1. It’s better to feel hurt sometimes, than have an accident which hurt your body and leave scars forever. I know it’s silly, but trust me. No one can see your metaphorical scars, it’s better, because it means no one knows your weakness and no one hurts you in the same place for the second time.

2. Never trust anyone. Even your Mom? or Lovers? or Friends? I know, this is mean, but i’d rather doubt and regret than trust and regret. Because it feels bad twice when you give all your trust to a human being.

3. Because it’s easy to break any vow, to throw away what people believe, it’s easy. And you won’t believe what you see: Don’t tell your problem to anyone. JUST DON’T. Because you could be an asshole someday, and they either. It’s better to keep your problem in a journal. Yes, it’s conventional, old school, but trust me. Journal never betray you.

4. Eat whatever you want, a cancer could make your body skinnier.

5. You are permitted to hate anyone whom talk shit about your parents.

6. Love your significant other as little as possible. I know this is hard (especially, you’re a Taurean) but please, just prepare for the worst. I don’t want to see my old-self crying caused by enzyme and stupid hormones like a moron anymore.

7. When somebody’s wanna make you feel bad, shout to them: COME ON, BRING IT ON, I’M NOT SCARE BECAUSE I DON’T CARE. Or you could just do things which make you happy and forget them eventually.

[ovreandthefox]

A Leprechaun in My Head Wasn’t Making A Pair of Shoes

In a few weeks passed, i randomly read some poet, article, and story, unconsciously they were talking about the same topic: Going back to Home. (And even my previous post, i told it to someone, and asked him to guess what it’s all about. He asked me: Do you miss your home?) Almost the same moment when i spent my night dreaming about ‘doors’. It was like my unconscius self trying to talk to me. Have you ever? 

Apparently, it’s just the old me. My old soul-who had been thrown away then it comes back and haunts me. In this two or three years, i lived a different life which far-far-far in my head, i knew: i don’t fit. I pretend to like things people like, which i think ‘Nah maaaan, oh God for real?!?!!?’ I thought, it would make me less empty. But, nope. There’s still a hole, and nothing fits. I cried for no reason, i laughed at people, i didn’t like so many things, i didn’t understand everything, and everyone was annoying. And i just wanna stay in silence, no interruption from every corner. I don’t like talking, it makes me emotional. My strength is silence-I feel stronger when i’m silent. 

Every night i want to crawling back to my blanket, smell the fusion of wood and air-conditioner in my room and stay peace in silence for the next 8 hours. Could i pause everything? Could they please stop bothering me? Could we? Everybody said that there’s something wrong in my head, there isn’t, i know. Everybody wants to make me feel bad, i know. But the hell they can’t. I just need a big break, it will help, i know, and when there’s a right time, i’ll do my big leap, but not today.

[ovreandthefox]

Sepulang dari belanja di supermarket,

 mengantongi struk belanja beserta beberapa keping uang koin 

yang digulung di dalamnya.

Merogoh saku di sisi lain,

mengambil kunci motor,

menengok ke jalan raya.

Ada mama kucing!

Ada anak kucing!

Di belakang mama kucing 

tertinggal jauh, 

matanya sayu, 

langkahnya gontai.

Ada dua bocah 

berseragam pramuka,

berboncengan dan mengebut!

Awas. 

Pekik ku dalam hati.

Meraih perut si anak kucing, 

mengangkatnya 50 cm 

di atas tanah beraspal

atau setinggi lututku 

yang ada bekas luka tahun lalu.

Bocah-bocah tertawa 

berlalu,

menurunkan kecepatan sepeda motornya.

Yang dibonceng menengok 

ke belakang,

Tertawa 

tanpa suara.

Mama kucing kembali 

menemui anak kucing.

Di seberang jalan, 

anak kucing bingung.

Kok aku kembali lagi ke jalan ini?

 Pekiknya dalam hati.

Dengan bahasa kucing.

Manusia tidak adil?

Tanya mama kucing.

Dengan bahasa kucing.

Tidak bersuara, 

karena lidahnya,menjilati tubuh anaknya.

[ovreandthefox]

Katanya semua ini sementara, rasa senang pun sementara, tapi kenapa rasa sedih bisa ada selamanya. Kemaren-kemaren ini banyak-banyak mikirin tentang perasaan. Hadech. Rasa senang, sedih, marah dan lain-lain yang susah untuk dikategorikan. Terus, pikiranku jatuh kepada konsep search engine. Kamu ketik keyword. Hasil pencarian muncul. Dari yang paling baru, hingga yang paling lama sampai orang orang pun nggak pernah lihat dan nggak pernah ingat. Mungkin Larry Page kepikiran bikin google waktu dia lagi ngumpul bareng keluarga besarnya, dan nggak sengaja dengar sebuah kata yang dilontarkan salah satu anggota keluarganya, yang kemudian membawa pikirannya menuju momen-momen absurd, abstrak, hingga ia menemukan satu cerita yang dia bisa ingat-ingat kembali. Cerita yang udah lamaaaaaaa banget, yang ia ingat lagi gara-gara dengar satu keyword. Makanya perasaan sedih, gak akan pernah benar-benar kita lupakan. The memories of them found, within 1/1.000.000.000 second then hit your head, and fall to your endless heart. As endless as goooooooooogle. As endless as the link to next page that you never click.

[ovreandthefox]

Looking Back to A Minute which I Shouldn’t Pack My Bag

Late night drawing with Sleep Apnea of Beach Fossil’s

Thinking

Thinking

Thinking

Thinking

Thinking

There’s no any special reason why i said it five times, 

nor any reason of why i listen to that song.

Gorge is inside my barely-dead body.

Either in between us, when ourselves no longer hear an echo.

[ovreandthefox]

21 3/4

Umur sebentar lagi dua puluh dua. Mama udah tua. Nenek juga udah tua. Yang kesisa tinggal mereka aja di hidup ini. Nenek umurnya udah 86 tahun, tapi kan kalian tahu manusia gak mungkin hidup 100tahun. Apalagi generasi rokok Mama, dan pola hidup junk-food kita yang super duper.

Mau gak mau sebelum umur 25, semua harus udah stabil. dan di umur 30 mau beli apa-apa udah gaperlu ngitung uang lagi. Biar bisa ngurus Mama dan (semoga masih bisa ngurus nenek) tanpa ngitungin biaya apapun.

Dan, nanti. Se-nanti-nantinya. Pada akhirnya akan sebatang kara, nggak punya saudara, which means, harus berdiri di atas kaki sendiri tanpa pegangan apa-apa. Dengan begitu juga, harus punya kehidupan baru (baca: pernikahan) yang mulus, tapi udah nggak pernah lagi berharap banyak dengan pernikahan, i see people come and go. I see people broke their vow easily, etc. Dan agak commitment phobia mungkin salah satu faktornya?

And when i was a 2nd grader, i secretly wish i died before 20.

But shit here i am now on my way to scary 22.

[ovreandthefox]

dandelion

Di kehidupan selanjutnya, kamu ingin jadi apa? Kalau aku ingin jadi bunga dandelion, atau angin. Terserah. Asalkan bukan manusia lagi.

Jika dalam hukum kekekalan energi dikatakan bahwa “energi tidak dapat dimusnahkan, tetapi dapat berubah bentuk”, aku percaya kita tidak akan pernah benar-benar mati, hanya ruh yang berpindah tempat. Dan jika memang benar begitu, itu pasti akan menjadi suatu hal yang amat menyebalkan;kita tidak bisa benar-benar mati.

Aku selalu berpikir bahwa kematian itu rasanya dingin. Dingin dan remang-remang. Bukan gelap atau hitam pekat seperti kamu sedang menutup mata;aku pikir rasa mati jauh dari perasaan yang seperti itu. Segala hal yang ada di bumi ini memiliki ruh yang suatu saat, tiba-tiba, blub, mati. Namun sekali lagi, aku yakin, Semuanya tidak pernah benar-benar mati.

Tempat makan kucing. Vas bunga berlumut. Sebungkus keripik tortilla. Buku yang ujungnya sedikit terlipat karena ketiduran. Cermin persegi panjang di tembok kamar. Sepetak ubin di dapur yang tidak pernah terinjak. Pintu yang sulit ditutup. Lampu penerang jalan raya di sepanjang perjalanan menuju rumah. Semuanya memiliki ruh. Mereka hidup, dan suatu saat mereka tiba-tiba mati. Ruh itu pergi.

Percakapan antarmanusia juga memiliki ruh.

Sebuah percakapan yang lambat laun tidak pernah sama seperti di saat-saat sebelumnya. Hambar? Saat itu, kupikir ruh percakapan sedang pergi, mungkin singgah di sebuah percakapan yang lain.

[ovreandthefox]

Who Killed The Stars? Who Hurts Your Cats? Who Makes Those Life Shits Ever Happened?

5.51 AM, can’t sleep since you went to your dark bedroom and sleep in your blanket, and in your really bad cat-related feeling. And my self, here, was scrolling the darkest side of internet when i found a so-called inspirational quote picture, although the illustration is just a piece of shit, the words are, simply confusing beautiful, they really do:

“When you see the most stars, you're essentially looking hundreds or thousands of years into the past.”

I, once remembered, that on our specific typical long-long-long night---or morning?, it was 2 or 3 am i’m not sure, but what i’m sure is that you said “Kalo kamu liat ke langit ada bintang, itu bintangnya udah mati berjuta-juta tahun yang lalu. Selamat dini hari.”

Heheheh... (Yes, itu sempat aing simpen di shelf-shaped mind room aing as a long-term memory because bodoamat you deserve my daily dose of alayness-relationship-thingies. yUcKsSs.)

Terus kemaren-kemaren malem iseng nanyain maksud dari kalimat itu lagi dengan tujuan hati ingin berbuat gabut padamu hahahah.

“Tolong jelasin ini dong.” that runtah question.

Gitu doang.

I don’t think you will answer my arbitrary shitty question. Hhhhhh. Eh ternyata kamu jawab panjang banget:

“Secara teori, cahaya bintang yang kita liat di langit malem-malem itu adalah cahaya yang baru nyampe. Analogi sama ngirimin paket. Waktu paket baru nyampe di depan rumah, apa dalem waktu bersamaan paket itu ada di tangan pengirim ? Engga kan. Cahaya butuh waktu buat nyampe, cuman karena kecepatannya sangat cepet, di bumi keliatannya kaya travelling dalam 0 detik. Tapi buat di luar angkasa yang jauh, waktunya bisa lama. makanya ada istilah ' 2 tahun cahaya / sebagainya'. Jadi bisa dibilang bintang yang kita liat malem-malem itu bisa jadi udah mati. Makanya teleskop hubble bisa nangkep supernova yang notabene terjadi di masa lampau.”

But, instead of understanding it, what i really understand is: There are still a lot a lot a lot a lot of things which i don’t understand in this life, and i need you to explain me all, all, all of them.

[ovreandthefox]

[ovreandthefox]

beberes galeri bntr

[ovreandthefox]

#handwriting #scribbles #writings #doodle

[ovreandthefox]

It’s ok to not have it all figured out.

http://www.theunlost.com/life-in-general/what-to-do-when-youre-lost-and-confused/

What’s the worst that could happen if you let go of needing to know all the answers? it’s ok to be lost. It’s ok to let go of needing all the answers. It’s not going to kill you— in fact, it just might bring you to life.