17&29 with nicho! angst but fluff at the end please
prompt #29 "you looked really flirty with him tonight."
prompt #17 “come back to bed, it’s cold without you.”
notes: finally got this out of my drafts lol also not me doing all the nico requests oops.. ill try to make more these days sorry to everyone waiting for their fic :(
• you can find my prompt list here
pairing: nicholas x reader
tags/warnings: angst with happy ending, arguments, crying, maki mentioned, barely proofread i hope it makes sense
wc: 2.7k
"baby, can you please tell me what's wrong?"
you tried again, a softer tone this time. still, no response from nicholas. you sighed deeply from your spot on the passenger seat.
you two were leaving from a small party with your friends, where you just shared a few drinks and some silly conversations. you thought everything was fine, until you got in the car and locked eyes with a moody, unusual quiet nicholas.
"are you feeling sick?" you asked him, running out of ideas of what could be causing such drastic moodswings.
he just shook his head and started driving in silence, but you could see the slight frown on his face and how he was holding onto the steering wheel a bit too tightly.
you frowned too, confused and irritated because he was obviously upset, but he wouldn't tell you the reason.
once he reached your apartment, he got off the car without even waiting for you. he stepped into the house and directly went to the room. you followed behind.
"nicho, seriously, what's going on?"
"nothing's going on, y/n."
and there he was again.
for the past weeks, the arguments between him and you had been quite frequent. they were actually stupid fights over who left the lights on or who forgot to buy milk for breakfast, so you didn't pay it much attention, guessing you both were just a bit more irritable than usual.
but it was starting to piss you off, because every time you asked him if something was bothering him, he always brushed it off with a quick shrug or a quiet "i'm fine, just tired." and of course you knew he was tired, but was it so hard to just tell you when he wasn't happy about something?
you watched in disbelief as he changed into some comfy clothes, completely ignoring you and the growing tension in the room.
"you're doing it again." your voice turned out sharper than you meant.
"what am i doing again?"
"shutting me out when there's clearly something bothering you."
"i told you i'm fine."
"you're lying, nicholas."
his jaw tightened at the full name. you could tell things were about to scalate again.
"i'm not lying. god, you're so annoying."
"oh so now i'm annoying? for trying to understand what the hell is going on inside your head?"
"yes you are! you keep nagging me for everything. it's annoying."
"i only asked you one thing, nicho. if there's something wrong, if i did something to upset you. and it seems to bother you so much to just tell me."
your voice was getting louder without noticing, and so did his.
"well, yes! you did upset me, okay? happy now?"
"and what did i even do?"
he chuckled dryly, like he couldn't believe you were asking that.
"you didn't look so clueless when you were sitting next to maki."
"what?"
"you looked really flirty with him tonight. you were laughing at everything he said, leaning on his arm like i wasn't even there!"
your expression went from confusion to anger in less than a second.
"are you serious right now? i can't even be friendly with my friends now?"
he laughed again, the same dark, humourless laugh. even his eyes were darker when he looked up at you.
"don't try to buy me with that bullshit. i saw the way you were looking at him. you were two words away from just jumping all over him."
his words actually made something tear in your chest.
"you really think i would do that?"
he fell silent for a second, almost like he was hesitating.
"maybe." he finally answered in a low, tight voice.
you took a step back, like the words physically hit you. the action didn't go unnoticed by him.
"you see? you keep asking me but then get upset when i tell you what bothers me."
it was your turn to chuckle, because you couldn't believe he was saying all that. it was ridiculous.
"and what do you expect? you're accusing me of flirting with another man!"
"because you clearly were! do you think i enjoy watching you drift away from me!?"
you were screaming at each other at this point.
"drift away? i've been trying to get to you for weeks and you just keep pushing me away!"
"because every time i say something, it turns into this!"
he gestured in between you and him, his hands flying in frustration.
"that's because you wait until it explodes! you keep everything in, mask it behind yours "i'm fine" until you can't take it anymore and then you just snap at me! i'm getting tired of you lying at my face."
"and i'm tired of you pretending to care."
his voice sounded so cold it sent chills down your spine.
"what?" you whispered.
"you don't care. you were just about to make out with maki in front of me. you don't care how i feel."
your throat tightened as your eyes were already watering. but you wouldn't cry in front of him, not after those words left his mouth.
"so you really think like that about me..." your voice wavered. "you really think i don't care, when all these weeks all i've been doing is trying to help you? to help us?"
his expression flattered for a moment, but he quickly hide it.
"maybe you should stop trying so much."
his voice was quieter now, but that didn't stop his words from hurting.
you stared at him for a while, like waiting for him to take his words back. but he didn't. you couldn't find any trace of your sweet, caring boyfriend in the man you had in front of you.
you finally nodded, blinking your tears away. "fine. i'll stop trying then, if that's what you want. i won't ask you anymore." you yanked your pillow from the bed. "i won't bother you anymore."
he looked up, an almost unrecognizable trace of panic in his eyes. but he didn't move, he didn't stop you as you left the room with your pillow in hand.
you reached the living room trying to breathe through the ache in your chest. his words hurt. they hurt too much.
you felt like an idiot, for worrying so much when he just made clear he didn't want any of your care. but you were also angry. flirting with maki? does he really think you would change him for your best friend? does he think you're that easy?
as you sat on the couch, you couldn't help the tears from falling. you threw the pillow on the armrest and buried your head on it, crying silently into the soft cotton.
you hated fighting with him. you hated how he sounded like he really meant everything he said to you. but you hated even more how, deep down, you were still worried about him.
back in the room, nicholas was still standing right where he was before you left. the moment you walked out the room, regret started hitting him so hard it made him feel sick. he hated seeing you cry, even more knowing he was the reason of your tears.
he didn't mean any word he said, but he couldn't help it.
the image of you sitting next to maki, looking so happy and carefree, while the two of you couldn't even hold a normal conversation without turning it into an argument, was eating him alive.
it wasn't jealousy. it was fear.
he knew you would never cheat on him, but there was always a voice in the back of his head, telling him "what if..." what if you get tired of him? what if you realize someone else could make you happier than he could?
but he never admitted those things out loud. it was easier to turn them into anger, to bury his emotions deep down and pretend everything was fine.
what he didn't realize, is that he was actually making it worse. he was pushing you away, without even giving you a proper explanation.
he was a coward.
now you were mad, you had every right to be. and you were hurt, and that killed him inside.
he got on the bed, guessing you probably didn't want him to come after you. god, maybe you would never want to see his face again.
he pulled the blankets up, ignoring the lump threatening to explode in his throat. his eyes landed on the empty spot next to him, where your pillow was supposed to be, where you were supposed to be. he felt a chill running down his spine, so he hugged himself tighter.
he stayed in that position for a while, his eyes closed as he tried to force himself to sleep. but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't relax. he couldn't stop replaying the same scene in his mind; the hurt in your eyes when he told you those awful words. the guilt was eating him alive.
he found himself walking towards the living room.
you were also still in the same position, pretending to be asleep. your eyes opened when you heard soft footsteps approaching and just a second after, nicholas was kneeling in front of you.
"y/n..." he whispered so lowly you almost didn't hear him. you locked eyes with him, and he looked genuinely devastated. even his eyes were slightly red. he might have cried too, you thought.
"come back to bed, it's cold without you." he muttered, reaching to brush your cheeks with his thumb.
his touch felt so comforting it made you angry. you were supposed to stay mad at him. "you don't get to ask me for anything, after what you just said." you tried to sound firm, but he didn't miss the slight shake in your voice.
"i know. i know, and i'm sorry. just... let's go back to bed and talk, um? please, baby..." he didn't give you much time to think about your answer, before he was already pulling you into his arms. he easily lifted you up from the couch, your pillow on his other hand as he walked with you back to the room.
and you couldn't help but give in, rest your head on his shoulder and wrap your arms around him while he carried you to bed. you already knew you wouldn't be able to sleep without him anyway.
"look at me..." he whispered as he carefully put you down on the bed beside him.
you hesitated. part of you still wanted to turn away from him, but the look on his face made it almost impossible. the worry and guilt painted on his expression made the empathetic part of your heart soften up, so you looked up.
"why did you say all that?"
nicholas cringed at the way your voice was shaking. god, he hated this.
"i didn't mean anything i said. i know you would never do something so filthy to me. i just..." his voice wavered slightly. "i'm scared." he whispered the last words, you almost couldn't hear him.
"scared?" you were confused.
"you know, how busy i've been. we barely spend time together anymore. and when we do, i end up ruining it everytime. you just... looked so happy with maki tonight."
"that doesn't mean i'd cheat on you."
"i know." he was fast to answer this time, like he wanted to make sure you believed him. "it's just in my head. there's always this voice telling me i'm gonna lose you, and i can't shut it off."
the vulnerability in his voice caught you off guard. nicholas wasn't the type to talk about his feelings so openly. he always swallowed everything down so no one could notice it. but now that you had him in front of you, you could see the dark circles under his eyes, his messy hair and clear exhaustion weighting on his shoulders. it made you feel a little guilty, because you didn't notice sooner.
"you're tired, nicho." you softened your voice now.
he nodded, his lower lip trembling just slightly. "i'm so tired. i'm exhausted and my head's a mess. i keep overthinking work, life, us... and i feel like i'm becoming harder to love."
you could hear the self hatred in his words, and it made your heart ache. you had no idea it had gotten this bad.
"nicho. i don't need you to be perfect all the time, i just need you to let me in."
"but i don't want you to see me like this."
you sighed deeply. he was so stubborn.
"i'm an idiot, aren't i?" he asked before you could keep talking.
"a little bit, yeah." you smiled softly, brushing his messy curls away from his forehead. "but i still love you. when you're an idiot, when you're mad, when you're tired... i don't care. but i need you to talk to me, you understand?"
he nodded quickly, and the next second he was practically throwing himself towards you. he couldn't help it anymore, he needed to feel you close. he was hugging you so tightly you almost had trouble breathing. but you didn't care, because he was finally allowing himself to be vulnerable.
"are you still mad?" he muttered against your neck, and you were sure he was pouting.
"yes." you let out another tired breath, but hugged him back. "you said some really awful things, baby."
"i'm sorry." he pulled away to cup your face, then his lips were pressing against your cheek. "sorry for making you cry."
you ended up smiling despite the still lingering hurt in your heart. "it's fine. but don't do it again, or i'll leave you for good."
he chuckled. a small, subtle laugh that still warmed your heart. that's the nicholas you loved. the playful, sweet and caring one. "noted." he muttered, his nose brushing against yours.
then without warning, he moved you onto his lap, his arms firm around your waist.
"nicho! i can't breathe, idiot."
"don't care." his voice was muffled in your chest. "i missed you."
"i was gone for like 20 minutes." you rolled your eyes.
"worst 20 minutes of my life." he pouted at you.
"you're a baby." you chuckled, then shivered when his hands slipped under your shirt.
"i'm your baby." he started leaving tiny kisses on your cheek, then down your jaw and your shoulder.
"is this your way of earning my forgiveness?"
and he nodded, a sly grin on his face. "is it working?" he looked up at you with innocent eyes while he left a kiss on your neck.
"you're not fair, nicholas."
"not my full name again." he frowned at you. "call me nicho. or baby, or love, or anything but that."
"okay, okay! dramatic baby... i'll call you love, you like that?"
he nodded, a satisfied smile on his lips. you noticed how his head was now hanging off your shoulder, like it was getting harder for him to keep it up. you gently pushed him back against the pillows, and then got off his lap to lay beside him instead. he let out a small whine, reaching for you.
"shh... i'm here, love." you quickly got back into his arms.
"good... i can't sleep without you." he sleepily murmured against your hair. he wasn't able to relax even a bit just some minutes ago and now he was acting like a big baby in your arms. it was funny, and adorable.
"thank you." you heard his raspy voice again after some minutes of silence.
"for what?"
"your patience." he tried to open his eyes to look at you. "and for not giving up on me."
you shook your head, silencing him with a sweet kiss on his lips. "never. you're stuck with me, the same way i'm stuck with you."
he smiled warmly this time, genuinely. "i'm glad."
he tugged you closer if that was possible and put the blanket higher around both of you. "sleep..."
"yeah." you sighed, finally letting sleep take over you now that you could feel his steady heartbeat in your ear and the weight of his arm around your waist. "love you."
