Pages of Thoughts

Just a bunch of thoughts I have

[pagesofthoughts]

Just Because

Just because you stopped thinking about me when ‘that’ song comes on doesn’t mean I don’t have a song that still makes the lump in my throat so prominent I can’t even begin to ignore it, your song. Just because you don’t look at our old messages trying to think of the perfect text to send that will get us back on track doesn’t mean I’m not constantly hoping I’ll see you in my notifications. Just because you don’t sit alone and replay everything that led to the end of us doesn’t mean I don’t still cry wishing I could go back and say what I really meant.

-Just because you stopped loving me doesn’t mean I’m not still completely in love with you.

[pagesofthoughts]

You Promised...

You promised me you would always be here for me, that I always had a friend in you.

You promised me that I could always reach out and talk to you when I needed to.

You promised me that we would speak and see each other regularly.

You promised me that I was someone worth having in your life.

You promised me you would stay.

- and yet I haven’t heard from you in months. I hope she’s worth it.

[pagesofthoughts]

New Year...

“Happy new year...I’m done” I can’t carry on doing this, you may not still be in pain but I guess that’s the difference between you and me, it was all real for me, it all meant so much to me. All the sleepless nights that we would spend talking, the compliments that I couldn’t accept because I didn’t see what you did, the times I would call you just to hear your voice. It was all completely authentic, I was undeniably falling in love but you were just seeing how long you could keep the charade up. I am not taking you into the new year with me because it hurts too much to be let down time and time again by the person who could make me the happiest. It was all fake for you so now I’m done, good luck.

-this new year is a new start, one without you. Goodbye...

[pagesofthoughts]

Past...

Everyone has a past,

the next time you want to dig someone else’s up ask yourself

do you want yours to stay buried?

- Know that some things aren’t yours to expose...

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Broken promises...

I promised I wouldn’t let this happen again again, I wouldn’t let another man crush me so badly that I stayed in bed all day and couldn’t figure out how to function without his presence in my existence. I promised my heart that I wouldn’t let somebody else hold it and hurt it again after finally putting all the pieces back together the best I could, and yet I’m laying here wondering if you’re thinking about me wherever you are or if you miss me at all? I wonder how long it will take for me to retrieve all of the pieces of my shattered heart and put them back together again. Although this time it feel like I don’t have all of the pieces inside me anymore.

- I wonder if you took them with you when you left...

[pagesofthoughts]

Masks...

I’ve spent so much of my life layering on the masks that I’m not even sure where they end anymore, I spent years convincing myself I had all of these qualities and quirks, but in reality I’m only just beginning to tear the masks off to figure out who the girl is that is so scared of showing the world her face and ask her what makes her believe that she has to hide everything she is and everything she has.

- I think her and I need to have a little chat...