i need to find my passion again. the last year and a half of science at uni has really destroyed me. i don’t know why i kept at it for so long. maybe because my parents told me that even though i hated it, that it was the right thing to do. or the promise of travel after graduation. but today, i kind of came to a realisation that i don’t read anymore, and nor do i write anymore. i used to have books and books filled with ideas and incoherent ramblings and terrible doodles. and although i wasn’t particularly spectacular at anything creative, i remember being able to spend hours writing and drawing and even dancing. i met up with an old friend the other day. she and i used to spend every study hall period at school discussing books and characters and quotes. when i spoke to her, i discovered that she had kept up with that passion. i think she was disappointed to see that i hadn’t. nothing really excites me anymore. i used to spend hours researching countries that i wanted to visit, designing my studio apartment overlooking central park and making lists of things i wanted to accomplish in my life. and even though i’m really happy right now (because of some specific people and because of my mum’s support), i haven’t really accomplished any of my goals. i remember i planned to visit Tibet in 2016 and visit the temples and chat with the monks and just experience the culture. and it sucks because i’m nowhere near ready for a trip like that. and i lost the motivation to save and research and plan that i once had. where did that drive go? where is that passion? i really want to get that back.Â
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