C.O. John Bennett

Closed indie OITNB RP Blog. Mun is 21+ NSFW Images will be tagged.

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Dayanara looks away when he admits that he loves her, because it hurts to hear it, but it also makes her melt inside. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t want to spend her life with him, in fact, he’s the only person she’s ever wanted that with. That’s why all of this hurts so badly. “Good, I like her already,” she finally jokes, a small smile pulling at her full and luscious lips. “I really hope you don’t fuck up again either, because I don’t think I would be able to handle that. It’s hard enough being here, not being able to see my daughter every day, take care of her…” Shaking her head she lets out a sigh, glancing down at the table then back at him. “You need to be in this for real, be willing to take things slow until I can trust you again, and you can’t…you can’t abandon us. She needs you. “

“….I need you. Even if we aren’t together, you’re still my best friend.” 

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More than anything right now, John wants to touch her.  Just to put his hand over hers and assure her that he felt the same way.  That he needed her more than anything else and that she made him stronger, despite the weakness he’d shown lately.  He nodded though, focusing his eyes on the baby cradled in Daya’s arms as if she’d never left.  

“You’ll meet my mother.  Once I come back to work, she’s going to bring Z in to see you every visiting day, we’ve already discussed it,” he tells Daya confidently.  Their relationship was more than complicated, but the one thing that was for sure was they were both in love with their daughter.  John never wanted Daya to think that she couldn’t see her.  “Look in the pocket of her onesie,” he says, his voice lower as he directs Daya to where he’s stashed a picture of their daughter sleeping in her crib.

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Daya breathes out slowly, her mind reeling from all this information. She wasn’t sure what she wanted anymore, but she missed him. Every day that John was gone felt like hell, and here he was, stepping up and taking care of their daughter. She wanted so badly to pull him back in, to go on like nothing happened. She has trust issues though, and even deeper than that, she’s terrified. “We still have two years before I get out, so a lot can change in that time. You might meet someone else…maybe we’ll patch things up between us, but I can’t make any promises, and I don’t want you to.” 

“You can have this house paid off in that short amount of time? I thought that takes like thirty years or some shit,” she says with a shrug, not entirely sure how owning a home works. She’d always been bounced around from rundown apartment to rundown apartment. “Does your mom know the truth? That she’s….” Her question trailed off, not wanting to say it out loud, scared someone might hear. 

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John takes a deep breath.  He’s been expecting something like this, and honestly, he deserves it.  The skepticism... Daya not wanting to jump back into things... he’s known that was coming and in a way, he respects her for actually sticking to her guns and not giving in to him right off the bat.  

“That she’s my daughter?  That her mother is the woman I love and hope to spend the rest of my life with?” he asks, keeping his voice low so  they’re not overheard, then nodding.  “Yes, she knows, and she kicked my ass for leaving too,” he says with a slight chuckle, even though it’s far from funny.  “And I won’t promise you anything if you don’t want that, but I’ll tell you that I’ve got my mind on straight this time, and I’m hoping that means I won’t fuck up again, okay?”

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Dayanara can feel a blush creeping into her cheeks, and she fights hard to keep it at bay. He can’t just show up here and say things like that, and expect her to welcome him back with open arms. Even though it seems to be working just fine, she won’t admit that. Not yet, anyway. “You’re easy enough to like when you’re around.” It’s a bit of an underhanded compliment, and a slight jab at him, he does seem to be trying though, and that has to count for something. If she were like her mother though, it wouldn’t mean shit. “I think that’s her way of paying you back, by the way. She’s not going to make things easy on you.” 

“I can’t pump though, I’ve already dried up, so it’s best to just keep her on formula. She got breast milk the first couple days, and they say that’s the most important anyway.” The woman can’t help but wonder how he can afford to take care of her on his own, how he’s going to feel in a couple of weeks, or months. When it’s going to actually start to get to him. Her brows furrow as he sets the pictures down on the table, reaching out with one hand to spread them out. There are pictures of Zamora sleeping, but they are mostly pictures of a perfect little house, the kind she always dreamed of living in. 

“Is this…yours?” 

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“Ours,” he corrects her.  “I mean... if you still want all of this with me once you get out,” he finished.  “Even if we’re not, you know, there’s three bedrooms so we could do a roommate thing and coparent... I know it’s presumptuous of me to think you might still want what we had planned, but you know... just in case,” he told her, keeping his voice down so nobody would overhear him talking about their relationship and the fact that technically, they were still engaged.

“My mom helped with the down payment, and she’s gonna watch Z when I’m at work... but once I’m back on, I can cover the monthly mortgage and hopefully have it all paid off by the time you’re out,” he explains in such a way that makes it obvious he’s been thinking about  this.  

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Daya can feel the anger melting away inside of her, and she hates that it’s so easy for him to make his way back into her life. She wants to believe that he’s not going to leave, that he’s going to prove it to her after all. The Latina can feel his eyes on her, searing through her skin and straight to her very soul, effectively pulling her apart with his gaze. She can’t look up at him for fear of becoming vulnerable, letting him see that softer side of herself shining through. 

“I think it’s just a mother’s touch, you know? I like to think she’s remembered me even though it’s been a while,” she says softly, shrugging her shoulders as if that’s the only explanation that needs to be said. “I miss being able to hold her while she falls asleep.” There’s a crack in her voice, and she’s trying hard not to cry again, but everything about this situation is fucked up. “How have you been with her? What kind of formula are you giving her? What are you going to do when you back to work?” 

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He takes a deep breath.  He can tell she’s mad, but she’s more hurt than angry and while that kills him, he has hopes that he can make it better.  “Of course she remembers you, nobody could forget that voice,” he tells her honestly, then reaches into his pocket for a stack of  pictures he’d printed, knowing he couldn’t bring his phone in.  “We’ve been good... I think she likes me most of the time, though she’s a huge fan of screaming her little head off in the middle of the night,” he teased.

“I’ve got her on Similac, it’s supposed to be really good and she seems to like it... but I talked to Caputo and... he said if you want to pump, they can let you do that.  As far as everything goes, nobody on the board will know that I’m her birth father,” he said, lowering his voice, “they just think I’m compassionate and adopted her because I felt like it,” he explained, then put the pictures on the table.  “And this... this is my peace offering... and the only way I can prove to you that my freak out was a one time thing... that I’m in this.”

[[HOUSE]]

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Daya takes the baby in her arms, and her chest feels tight. She hasn’t held her daughter since the day she was born, and a thousand emotions assault her all at once. The tips of her fingers brush against her face, tracing the line of her jaw and ghosting over those tiny pink lips. It gets a smile out of Zamora and Daya laughs, but it’s full of raw emotion as tears stream steadily down her face. “I’ve missed you so much, baby girl,” she whispers, unable to tear her eyes away from that precious face. 

When she does though, when she looks at John with a vulnerability she never wanted to feel, she scoffs. “Cesar ain’t shit, and you letting him get in your head? How am I supposed to know you’re not going to turn your back on me the first time things get rough again?” She glances down to see a tiny hand wrap around her pointer finger, gripping tight and pulling it towards her small mouth. Dayanara rocks her gently in her arms, and Zamora’s eyelids flutter shut, falling asleep soundly. 

“Thank you though…for bringing her here.” 

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He hates that her attitude is so hot to him.  He needs to not be on the brink of popping wood because she snapped at him and needs to actually have a conversation with her.  There’s so much he wants to say... so much he can’t tell her because he’ll be back in here in a week and just... it’s fucked up.  “You’re welcome... and there’s no way you CAN know that... I’m just going to have to prove myself to you, and I have every intention of doing that,” he told her honestly.

His eyes won’t leave her as she holds Zamora.  It’s everything he’s ever wanted in the world and he hates that it took him so long to get his head out of his ass and realize that he should have fought.  That he could have left his job before rumors of her pregnancy ever got out... found something new... something better.  Instead he’d lied, and he’d lucked out that Caputo hadn’t fired him on the spot when he found out.  That man... John owes him so much, but he’s pretty sure if he wasn’t taking care of the baby, Caputo wouldn’t have been nearly as radiant.

“She likes you so much better than me... she just settled in and passed out... it takes her forever to go to sleep back home,” he said, changing the subject to focus on their child, as he was pretty positive Daya would want to know everything that he’d learned in the past week since he’d taken custody of her.

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Dayanara is angry at the world. She’s mad at John for leaving, her mother for ruining a good life for her daughter, and she’s pissed at the fact that her daughter was snatched from her home and taken away. Deep down though, she’s more angry at herself than anything. For thinking this could have worked out, for not being there for Zamora. She was a bundle of mixed emotions when she got that letter, and she had half a mind to refuse to put him on her visitation list, but it was the only chance she had to see her baby. 

Her nerves are frazzled as she waits for the guard to come and get her and take her to her visit. Daya thinks for a moment that he’s probably not going to show, that he’s changed his mind and run off with their child. It’s easier to imagine that than having to face him. She doesn’t know if she feels joy or sadness when she’s told her visitor is here, hands wringing in front of her as she walks down the vast hall to the crowded room. 

The latina’s heart lurches when she sees him there, holding their child who is beyond perfect. Her cheeks perfectly round and her skin appearing to be so soft. Those dark curls stick to her tiny forehead and tears spring to Diaz’s eyes. Sinking down into the chair she takes a breath, allowing herself to look at John for the first time in months. “Why did you leave?” 

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He’s regretted it for so long that he was actually considering seeing a shrink to find out what had been going through his head.  How he could let Cesar intimidate him so much... how he could even consider turning his back on the woman he loved, and who he’d been planning to spend the rest of his life with.  How he could have even attempted to live with himself after giving up the most perfect and beautiful little girl in the entire world.

The call from social services had been a godsend, and John had only hesitated for a brief moment before he’d agreed to take custody of his daughter and take responsibility like he should have when she’d been born.  Now, he’s as in love with her, if not more in love with her, as he is with Daya, and he’s ashamed of himself for what a coward he’s been.  

He doesn’t even know how to answer her question, so for right now, he hands Zamora to her.  The guards have made an exception and since he’s planning on returning to his post in the next two weeks, they’re giving him courtesy.  The official story was that he’d had a family emergency and upon coming back, learned of Dayanara’s problem and stepped in because he was such a good man.  Caputo had told him the story went over well, that the guards bought it... some thought he was stupid, some admired him... he didn’t care about anybody other than Dayanara right now though.

“I have no excuse... I was a coward... Cesar gave me your old crib for her and everything was so much more real... I freaked out,” he told her honestly.

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