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@paperboatsinkdreams
Rediscovered a notebook of mine from a few years ago that was ruined by water. This was the last page, and I think it's fitting.
"I'm sorry to myself. All I can think about is love and all I fucking want is to rip my goddamn heart out just to make this fucking stop.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. "
It is June. I am tired of being brave // Anne Sexton.
Obligatory annual reblog.
this love is thorns around my throat // I dream of your hands on my waist // my heart catches fire // you don't remember like i do
i miss you when it rains, and i wonder about the love that isn't mine to keep anywhere but my dreams
this hope feels empty, trying to hold the wind in my hands. it is cold and knocks me down, shivers fill me instead.
please. I need hope.
I want to leave, to go, turn to fog and disappear, I say.
Don't you ever get the urge? To lose your name along with your mind and be free of it?
No, they say, why would I do that? I am happy.
Oh, I understand now.
I wish winter didn't make me think of you, your candle stories, and the laugh you only show me. Our secrets, right?
iām listening to my leaving playlist where all the songs rain and itās snowing out and iām thinking about that little cabin iāve built where thereās so much warmth i breathe lightly and blanket myself in all the dreams come true.
reckless love!
I keep waiting to be whisked away. For someone to appear, of cloth and silver, to say "I'm sorry I was late, your story has begun"
to be unalone in this world with a hand intertwined in mine, fibers of golden silk between my fingers with laughter the only thing i leave behind.
longing replaced with freedom, regret a companion to the past as i flip the page. i wish to be more than half.
they'll say they love you, and ask why your eyes fall to the ground. because you know their heart has a tongueĀ full of lies and you cannot bear to smile as the clock runs out.
all those sweet words (n.s. 9.26.19)
i miss you i miss you i miss what we had when it was all better than my dreams and i couldn't say anything back im hurting so much
What's love like I genuinely cannot process this like... What's it like to love someone and be loved inr return? Wholly and without reservation?? What's it like to not feel your heart ache out of your chest constantly because you want it so fucking bad
I want to go home with you. I asked what you wanted and you said:
to hold you in my hands.
It's a goddamn shame that you only responded in my dreams.
i just want to live by the water, where my heart hurts less and the desire to carve it out of my chest is gone with the waves.
cause being by the sea is a nice reminder that no matter how i feel, the water is rougher and welcomes me home.
i don't have to worry about
being too much for the wrong people or not enough for the right ones
My heart hurts so fucking bad when I dream about you.
how beautiful it is to be human,
and such a tragedy i don't want to be one.
