Just came here to a cave to be let alone...

But... my quiet sanctuary is gone now... and so I won't be here again.

[parafinwax]

I text my kid, 1st because she asked to see a therapist through texting. She's seen multiple therapists. 2nd because I know what it feels like to be a kid and not feel like I have any one to talk to about real things even though I had a bunch of real life friends. Good friends, too. If I couldn't handle something then how could they?? 3rd sometimes I'm a little drama and don't listen right and maybe she wants to complain about me 4th anything to help my kid to be healthier and happier and better Is probably a good idea. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq77v8Mn794/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=vmz7j1ynxi2n

[parafinwax]

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#Airheads and #goldberg reruns I'm on my period. https://www.instagram.com/p/BqjVCPTnGiC/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1piepepyazgyx

[parafinwax]

Do you have John Force in your car? I never change my oil... I changed it when I had the car for 6 months.... I put some oil in it in August last year (2017)... and I think some a few months ago... It was making this sound that I wasn't sure it usually made... I don't think so. And for like a month I been all mani need fucking oil... just in my head without actual facts... I only heard the sound twice now --- first time was Saturday... so it was like maybe a quart and a half low... but I only bought one #JohnForce, usually I buy Quaker or Castrol... I only bought it cause he was on the bottle... otherwise I would been all "he won't see me" but I could see his eyes and I was all okay. Plus it's cheaper. Since I never change my oil, he will forever be in my car. So Dixie has its Christmas/holiday paper plates out now and Dollar General has them on sale for 3 for $10. I bought one. It's 75 cents off per package. Valvoline oil is on sale but the store I went to was out and it was the same price as Peak --- I think. I really wasn't interested since there was none. Duracell chargers are pretty awesome and the shelf said $15 but was only $5. I paid $6 for a flat patterned 4 foot charger as well (I need 3 and have been working with less than one as I had 3 all happy then they all broke like magic and one was a Duracell I found out in the yard.. literally... covered in dirt when my bestie came over... but it was like 4 years old and slow charges... or just doesn't actually work unless the phone is off but Brand new they're awesome and last awhile) I didn't want to go to the store so I went to the Dollar General took my purse but left the money in the car. Had to wait in a long ass line when I was beyond that point of pain... I could only walk to the back of the store without pain and going back to the front was quite alot.... then I had to go to the car (luckily an elderly lady had a perfect parking spot for me) and back and wait while some jack ass bought one plastic plate and some other lady bought chargers. Also had zero pain pills today... not that they would have helped much... but have to take one now cause my collar bones are killing me. https://www.instagram.com/p/BqYEe7hDaqQ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=8524yn9cxl79

[parafinwax]

In the book "On the Banks of Plum Creek" Laura is 7 years old so it's the life of a young girl in 1877. Matt's mom bought me the first book in the series and told me to go to the library and tell the librarian I wanted to read the rest of the books. I did. Then for Christmas one year I got the whole box set. Which I still have. She makes me laugh and reminds me so much of myself when I was like 2...and then when I got older, I was more like her sister Mary like when I was 10... So much of my life I remember parts of these books... for seemingly no reason... but I do, often, nor than from any other of the thousands of books I have read. I can't stand the show... there was a series with Michael Landon... I have watched it sometimes but it's not the book... However Anne of Green Gables, Ann of Avonlee, I love those movies... the orginals... there's a new one, "Anne with an E" on Netflix and I like it. I also like the book, Heidi. Heidi & Laura's books I read in NYC I actually read Heidi on a subway train, standing up during commuter traffic, holding the bar with my elbow so I could hold the book with two hands and not be bothered by the stops and lurches of the subway Anne I watched in Texas. I also read Little Women... there was a show that wasn't bad. While I refuse to live in the country... it's not because I don't understand it. Because I do. It's a lot of hard work and the only person i can trust, is myself. And since I'm by myself. ... it's way easier to go to a store 2 miles from home than 20. In the desert... town living is so much better in regards of being protected from the weather... weather which alters the temperature of the indoors of a home . .. winds and floods that can damage a house. ... https://www.instagram.com/p/BqTzYj7j3sg/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=dhlplxs4huo1

[parafinwax]

#onTheBanksofPlumCreek ....... I think about this book alot.... like alot alot... I dreamed about the book after this book, last night https://www.instagram.com/p/BqTNlLkjpEe/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=2je2atoudire

[parafinwax]

Being a mom is bringing chicken noodle soup to a kid playing in the snow.... And also .... "You drew a phallic in the snow? You're a train wreck!" "You're the one that raised me" "The Internet and @alex_the_lion_grr raised you, I was just here in case of emergencies --- what the hell?! Are you really doing air quotes right now?!?!" Being a mom... it's really about smiles and laughter. https://www.instagram.com/p/BqFY0VpD_es/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=zub0rmjglypg

[parafinwax]

It's Friday I'm doing this I can smoke and get a soda on Fridays thing There's this guy.. he seemed completely wasted drunk the first couple times I saw him but today he actually seemed sober I made myself not be bothered that I felt an aura of lewdness from him and he called me honey I call people honey and sometimes I'm a lushy. So.. But today I go with my kid. .... And we have change but we have enough. I was waiting for him to count what my daughter gave and I had a dollar in quarters and a handful of change. We had like $5 in change and it was $3.79 for a medium coffee and medium soda and 1 pack of cigars So he pushed back alot of change to her although I thought he was drunk and not counting correct, I didn't argue. But next.. he says "do you want to go on a date with me?!" I said "no, I cant" He had the nerve to ask why... uhhh because I don't go to the gas station to get dates? But I noticed I forgot a straw again cause I'm always in a hurry to get my stuff and go before the pain starts. So I said really loud "because I forgot to get a straw!!!" Grabbed my cup and ran off. I ain't got time for that shit. He yells after me "but I'll work for you!!!" Dude you ain't worked there but a month at best and you probably didn't have a job before then so no. You probably wont. Don't brag. So Matt is all "how half naked were you?" "Alot" He was just trying to perv on me. If you can't beat them, join them. 😁😁😁😁 I'm always half naked but it don't mean a thing "I know it's just like a thigh is what you see at the beach" said matt I told my kid, "maybe the guy was asking you out" LoL unless you're under the age of 2, you don't have a reason to drool on my boobs. They are for breastfeeding. Ask a toddler. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo2_6dblfU9/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=14p1rj6a6y4re

[parafinwax]

#campbellscountrychilli #ritzcrackers #extrasharpcheese And cause sometimes chilli gets boring and don't like it on my potato #wendyssourcream https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo2K_7VlkNG/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1vyq6j0bwoct3

[parafinwax]

From 8/3/2017 to 8/27/18 I lost 37 pounds. I just turned 38 6 days ago so that's pretty cool. I didn't try. The other day I found the jar I had which had my little glass pieces in it... I had read somewhere you should visualize your weight loss. Like putting pennies in a jar or feathers on a dream catcher or something like that. One item for each pound or one item for each 5 pounds. It's your weightloss, your body, your mind, so whatever feeds your soul to remind you what you lost, and not take away what you gained. Hopefully feeling better, sexier, healthier. To use your losses to add to the positivity in your life. I saw my jar the other day and I thought yeah whatever, the thought was nice but who knows what I did to my body. But today I was looking at my medical records and I saw I had lost quite a bit of weight. So I thought maybe I should get the glass down. I counted the pebbles. I had to add 5 pebbles to what was in the glass, because I had actually lost more weight than I had before when I tried to lose weight. Unfortunately, I lost the Weight this time because I was sick. I just didn't want to eat. I had to drink like those meal replacement shakes or I would get bathroom sick and stupid sick. Sometimes the pain in my neck was so bad that literally moving my hand/arm to my mouth for each Bite hurt more than a mommas pissed off whippings. My blood sugar sky rocketed 4 A1C points. But I'll be honest. When I have to take 20+ pills per day, I miss some. When I can barely move for the pain and I know my pill is 12 more inches away... sometimes it's just too far. And I wouldn't take my metformin. I know i skipped it alot. Because the pills are so huge, I had to keep them separate from the rest of my pills. My cholesterol is crazy, too. One time I took pills for it but I had horrible side effects which made me feel extreme pain if I ate more than half a kids meal. I lost alot of Weight and I got my sugar under control quick. I quit taking those pills. They were fucking horrible. Well. That's just the way it is. PCOS is like PTSD and it's one name for an umbrella of other diseases, not just symptoms. Then diabetes causes alot of pain filled diseases. https://www.instagram.com/p/BozxNcPFWWx/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ukbrrbzgmwxv

[parafinwax]

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For reals always running shit over, dragging shelves... I got caught on the edge of the Halloween shelf.. like the real big 9 foot tall 12 feet long shelf... and all drug it... shit. It's so dangerous... could been some little kid over there. .... https://www.instagram.com/p/BorUZ7gFBy6/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=clfv5y9vwxla

[parafinwax]

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Towels mean they can be forced to not move and can't scratch you and some random dog can't attack you and the cat because she likes to attack other animals according to Denise, whom lies alot, and she says the neighbors told her. Which really. She lies alot. https://www.instagram.com/p/BorSbVwF-Za/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=12721aefr79j3

[parafinwax]

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#ApolloAndMe https://www.instagram.com/p/BorRbySlDyB/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=krl1uu0my9bd

[parafinwax]

Warmest kitten ever Under a blanket and pillow This morning I found. Him by my feet already wrapped up in the blanket. I guess he did it himself while I was asleep... asleep without a blanket in a strapless and sleeveless dress and no blanket and him in his fur coat and blanket. I had a dream that he caught a huge fish bigger than him and #mattandme were so proud we strapped him into his stroller while he slept and the fish just stared at us with a dead eye https://www.instagram.com/p/BorPnWCFmTL/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=h2yce6ibiet6

[parafinwax]

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Today #ApolloAndMe https://www.instagram.com/p/BopZ8wFlow-/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=tskw5l64bpnw

[parafinwax]

All the time this is us. Little blue bird on my shoulder --- no. Little gray kitten on my shoulder --- yes. #ApolloAndMe https://www.instagram.com/p/BonJuxzlHQu/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1vpc6we7kiwop

[parafinwax]

🎼🎵🎶🎶🎶Momma told you there would be days like this 🎶🎶🎶📯📯🔔

[parafinwax]

Top, us in our trailer with my parents. Bottom is my Aunt P and my brothers and me. Earlier I posted a photo of the outside of our trailer and the master bath... and my brothers and I had a jack and jill bathroom -- a bathroom between our two bedrooms (my brothers shared a room) .... like the Beverly Hills 90210 twins, Brenda and Brandon and like my daughter has between her room and her play room.