Hearts Don't Breakeven

Mind speaker. Word player. Sketch maker.

[pastenses]

I doubted love, long before you came around. People aren't meant to be together forever, I'm sure. I thought you were gonna be a game changer. No. Thanks to you I still flinch at gestures of love. I perceive no guy as sincere. I keep digging for their flaws and weaknesses. I keep waiting for them to reveal their true, rotten nature.

[pastenses]

Ingat waktu kita bicara sampai pagi membahas mantan kekasih hingga alasan langit itu biru? Ingat bahagiamu ketika aku sakit, supaya kamu punya alasan untuk ke rumah? Ingat janjimu untuk tinggal? Ingat rasa menyiksanya berada di dua benua yang berbeda? Jangan diingat-ingat. Sudah lewat.

N

[pastenses]

The sky was just about to cry when we were tiptoeing down the slippery sidewalk, chuckling.

Your palm was as warm as a cup of morning coffee to my frozen fingertips.

The rain was pouring, loud and crisp. The song you sang was as loud as the drops hitting the front glass.

Our time ended the moment I stepped off the car. But the feeling lingered. I was happy, I was complete.

And we were whole.

[pastenses]

Even long after I’m fully capable of letting time passes without breathing your scent, it stays afloat still. Your voice whispers to me through songs that you played when I was in your embrace. Let me tell you, that it’s possible for a melody to be soothing and agonizing at the same time. I never liked the kind of song I listen to, if it weren’t for the memories that came across my mind the second I heard the first note hit.

[pastenses]

.

You know what I miss the most about us? The fact that I can utter a string of gibberish but you'd still understand what I'm saying. We're still holding on to the familiarity that lingers even when our relationship had run its course long ago. Our demise was something inevitavble. Fate, they call it. Though oblivion is something that I fear the most, I'm sure I'd still be able to retell our story, decades from now. Without leaving any single gruesome details. Amidst all the ruckus, doubt, regret and tears, my hands still reach out for your existence.

[pastenses]

I realize that sometimes love brings you flowers. Then it builds you coffins.

Alessia Cara - River of Tears

[pastenses]

Hi are you awake? I find it hard to sleep in a sheet that smells like you I'm just one kiss away from falling asleep I want to feel the burning touch of your fingertips stroking my cheek before I doze off

N

[pastenses]

Falling so deeply in love with someone and investing your life into theirs, only to discover that they do not feel the same about you, is how you die a slow and painful death while you're still breathing. You can never recover from that, no matter how hard you try. The scariest part is that you're never going to know if you're falling for the wrong person.

anonymus

[pastenses]

Does your heart break whenever you see her cry the way she does whenever you do?

Does her touch leave burning feeling on your skin the way yours does on her skin?

Does the taste of her lips lingers for days?

Do you remember the scent of her presence, as vivid as she remembers yours?

Do you get cranky when you don’t get your weekly dose of her flesh the way she does?

Do you think you love her as much as she loves you?

You don’t

You’re so used to have her by your side you’ll crumble the day she leaves

You take her for granted

Stop

[pastenses]

Kiranya beranjak dari kisah menyakitkan akan terasa lega. Seperti bernapas. Seperti bebas. Seperti berjalan tanpa dikejar masa lalu. Tapi kenapa aku  merasa berkhianat?

N

[pastenses]

Kita seperti permen karet yang habis dikecap. Banyak hambar, nyaris pahit. Kata-kata yang terucap sekedar mengisi sepi. Kamu seasing laki-laki yang kutanyai arah saat tersesat. Terburu ingin pergi, satu kaki sudah melangkah menjauh. Kita seolah hanya mimpi dari kehidupan sebelumnya. Seperti ingatan masa kecil yang diragukan kebenarannya.

N

[pastenses]

Kamu apa kabar? Masih suka mengigau ketika tidur? Masih suka mengunyah bongkah es di dasar gelasmu? Kuku mu apa sudah tumbuh, atau masih suka kau gigiti? Kamu apa pernah merinduku? Waktu mendengar lagu kita, rasanya sakit juga kah? Kemana pikirmu berkelana sebelum terpejam? Setelah pergi, bagaimana rasanya? Ringan kah hidup tanpa aku? Mudah? Bahagia? Kamu Ayo bertemu

N

[pastenses]

Kita pernah manis, terbahak hingga menangis, berbagi kelam hingga lupa rasanya malam. Aku pernah mendengarmu mendengkur di sela gerimis, mencintaimu hingga habis, merindumu sampai tiris. Dan masih menginginkanmu dalam diam.

N

[pastenses]

You’re my first breath after coma. A living proof that some human are really worth waiting for. More than a pain killer, you’re the cure. You’re the first streak of light on the horizon during the dusk after a long suffocating pitch black of night. s t a y

N

[pastenses]

How did I end up here? When I've spent every waking moment wanting you, shaping future with you in my head When all I did was love you How could you feel nothing When every pore on my skin demands to breathe your scent When your taste burns my tongue still When every second that passes without you feels like weak pulse throbbing with agonizing pain

N

[pastenses]

Aku berbaring berbantalkan lengannya Menempelkan wajah pada sisi tubuhnya Menghirup aromanya, membayar lunas rinduku “Aku mau begini terus”, kataku “ Sampai kapan?”, padahal dia hafal jawabanku “Selamanya” Dia terkekeh, aku tenggelam di antara lengannya Lebih erat dari sebelumnya Sesak oleh bahagia

Dan itu, adalah terakhir kali aku menyentuhnya

[pastenses]

I want to tuck my head into your neck, and feel you arms too hard around my ribs. I miss that split second not being able to breathe because you hug me way too hard.

N