PASSION

closed 1x1 private rp. nsfw. 18+.

[pasxiion-blog]

                     ▓▓▓▓ ‘ @fluorvte / @dxlxgence​

[ YUTAE ] “hey, guys? you see that black cam screen in the corner? we have a stranger in the group.” [ KYUMIN ] “ehhh-- how’d they get in? this is a closed channel.” [ SEUNGHAE ] “just kick them out, yutae.” [ YUTAE ] “been trying to do that but it’s not workin--” [ STRANGER ] ( --- // black cam window flickers. glitching. the frame clears up to reveal a bloody and beaten man slumped in a chair. holding a gun in his lap. it’s a nondescript room. blank gray walls. the man keeps his eyes on the camera as he lifts the weapon. puts the gun in his mouth. his movements are tense, rigid. something about his eyes are silently pleading, screaming-- he pulls the trigger. blood splatters. head lolls back. falls over. ) [ KYUMIN ] “what the fuck. what the FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK--!!” [ SEUNGHAE ] “shut UP, kyu!” [ YUTAE ] “we need to call the police!” [ STRANGER ] ( --- // cam window glitches out. then clears up to show a bedroom. packed bookshelves. stacks of manila folders and binders everywhere. constellation map pinned above the bed. ) [ YUTAE ] “.........that’s my room.” ( --- // the camera shifts over slightly to show yutae’s back, and everyone else’s faces on his computer screen. ) “--oh, god--” ( --- // suddenly his cam window glitches out. fragments of shouts and screams heard in the background. window shows jarring switching from glitches to clearer images of yutae in distress, thrown around the room, camera shifting to a lower elevation as something pulls the laptop down to the ground. until finally the window goes clear to show yutae collapsing, coughing up blood. face close to the camera. panting heavily. ) “--ki-- kibum--” ( --- // something grabs at his legs, drags him across the floor, pulling him further away from the camera. shouting in panic, his fingers claw at the ground in an attempt to grab onto something. hand reaches out towards the camera---- then his cam window goes black. )

[pasxiion-blog]

fluorvte :

「 ♡ 」 … *┊                               SOMETIMES, AZRAEL REALLY LOOKED up for a chance to turn back time. With each day, he could see how much the situation was ruining Jintaek inside. Dancing has been his life all the time and losing it must have been the worst kind of punishment anyone could think of. As the great ruler of Death, Azrael could feel that there was a growing death wish within the other man and yet it wasn’t something Azrael could accept. No matter what Jintaek was going to say, he was alive and he was healthy despite the fact that he was unable to dance. If anything, then Jintaek’s life should end in a natural way when he was old and has lived his life to the fullest, but not like this. Jonghoon traced his flat palms over the other’s back in a gentle manner as soon as he ended up in this sweet embrace. Carefully, Jonghoon leaned his head against the other man’s and closed his eyes for a bit, at least for as long as the embrace lasted, then he opened his eyes again and took his hands away again. “Good, because I really need you to finish my work. And yes, I have kept my recent project a secret from you because I wanted you to hear the almost final version.” With a chuckle, Jonghoon adjusted the man’s jacket a bit before he nodded. “Good your treat then and I choose.” He winked before they were walking over to his car slowly. Quite interested in the story, Jonghoon listened to Jintaek talking about his two students before he laughed a little bit. “Well, either way, they have fallen for the same person in the past and fought over this. Or…they have been a thing in the past. It’s never something else, trust me.”

With these words, Jonghoon opened the door of his car and sat down on the driver’s seat. After closing the doors and fastening his seatbelt, Jonghoon turned the engine on, still, he wasn’t driving since Jintaek’s fingers brushing away some strands of his hair were distracting him. Immediately, the horseman looked over to the human and gave him a bright smile again. “I know you are hungry, I know you by now.” Azrael winked, then he finally started driving. “About the project, I’ve been working on, a ballet studio in Japan asked me to create a song for their dancers for a competition. Forgot the name. I made three songs because I don’t know how danceable they are that’s why I need you.” Azrael pushed a button which was for the car’s audio system. “I have one song here,” he commented before he let the soft piano music playing. The place Jonghoon was driving to was a bit away, actually, he was driving to the little place they have visited often during Jintaek’s lunch breaks back when he has still been a dancer. It wasn’t a fancy place for sure, but there were so many memories connected with this place that Jonghoon would always prefer this little place.

jintaek’s eyes brightened-- which was saying something, since the man was normally stoic these days. it wasn’t his intention to come off as intimidating. but after the accident, jintaek fell back on expressing less. his main form of expression was through dance. without his ability to dance at his former high caliber, it was as if the man lost a part of his heart. but when he was around jonghoon, it took no effort on jintaek’s part to be his old self. it wasn’t his complete old self, but he certainly felt more alive, more human around the other male. “i can’t wait,” he replied sincerely. “you know how much i enjoy hearing your work.” during the...bad days, jintaek relied on music to get through the seemingly neverending hours. there were only two artists he would listen to: jonghoon and...his former music professor. the man was like a mentor and guardian-figure in one. jintaek wasn’t sure how or why, but there almost seemed to be a common thread between jonghoon’s and his music professor’s music. he didn’t dwell on it too much. he just let himself appreciate the beauty of their art. jintaek grumbled a little as jonghoon shared his theories about why kibum and seunghae were figuratively clawing at each other’s throats. “whatever their problems might be-- i just want it resolved. both of them have potential. i don’t want to see them ruin that over interpersonal conflicts.”

he visibly softened when jonghoon smiled brightly at him. here was at least one good thing still left in his life. “ah-- i see,” he replied with a nod as jonghoon explained what he had been working on. and why he wanted jintaek’s thoughts. the man settled back in his seat. he closed his eyes. jintaek exhaled slowly. already by the first few notes, the man could see-- no, feel how one’s body would move to this music. his fingers twitched. jintaek used his closed eyes to his advantage, so he could regain his composure. now wasn’t the time to cry over the invisible, yet ever present grief of no longer being able to dance. jonghoon didn’t need his sadness. jonghoon just needed his critique. “...can i steal it?” he opened one eye, turning slightly to glance at jonghoon. the man showed a subtle smirk. “keep it to myself. i’m tempted to dance to it.” the smirk grew into a full smile. he couldn’t fight the impulse to reach out, and run his fingers through jonghoon’s hair. “it’s beautiful. it’ll be perfect for a dance. they’re lucky to have your music to work with. you’re brilliant, jonghoon. i’m proud of you.” he was about to say something else, but stopped when he caught sight of where they were beyond the windows. the man laughed, then glanced at jonghoon in endearment. “back here, huh?” he seized the chance to lean in and lightly kiss his temple. “thank you, jonghoon.”

[pasxiion-blog]

                ( @dxlxgence ) 

by now, jintaek lost count of how many times they had been running through this routine. he sat in a chair with arms folded across his chest while watching kibum. it was only the two of them in this practice room. the man’s expression was stoic. he preferred to show a neutral composure whether a dancer was doing exceptionally well or exceptionally terrible. jintaek didn’t want to throw a dancer off mid-routine depending on whatever his face was conveying. but this today, the man had to break halfway through by letting out a sigh. he hit the Pause button of the remote in his hand. the music stopped abruptly. jintaek unfolded his arms, leaning forward to rest his elbows upon his knees. “kibum, i have one question,” he said. “and i want you to think on it before answering. think on it well. because i want the truth, and nothing but the truth from you.” his gaze turned piercing. there was a moment of silent before jintaek continued with the question: 

“why do you dance?”

[yeobae]

[pasxiion-blog]

dxlxgence :

« K I B U M. » ✧ ┆   Sometimes, the young dancer wished that he could tell the truth to anyone, but no one was out there who would understand him. Kibum never stopped because he wanted to, he stopped because he had to in order to save Yutae from any harm. But that didn’t mean that he was feeling good. Each look in the mirror was a devastating torture to him. Other people would say that he was slowly looking more healthy, that his bones weren’t sticking out that much anymore, but to Kibum his own reflection was as if he was looking at a ton of flesh and fat. The clothes he wore now were mostly at least one or two sizes too big, just to cover up the “fat” he was seeing. Of course, this was impossible when he was dancing. The tight clothing was making him insecure and gave him the impression that everyone was looking at the weight he gained. To Kibum, it was almost a miracle that their dance instructor hasn’t said anything about his weight yet. Seunghae would probably be the only person who would understand the pressure of holding the weight, but there was no way Kibum could talk about his problems with Yutae with Seunghae.

“Yutae made me stop. And he takes care of my diet now. I don’t want to worry him anymore that’s why I have stopped.” It wasn’t the full truth but it wasn’t a lie either. Yutae made him stop and Kibum didn’t want to worry the other anymore, but at the same time, their one-sided deal was forcing Kibum to keep the food in his system. If he would force himself to purge, another cut would end on Yutae’s body and this was surely something Kibum couldn’t risk again. He has already destroyed so much with his hallucinations. “We are…I think we are? We never talked about our relationship status but we live together. I’m not sure what we are.” Why was Seunghae pointing out such things Kibum has never thought about? The young dancer wanted to walk away from his former friend to get to his phone, but after taking two steps, Kibum was forced to stop again. Something like terror was lingering in his eyes for a moment. “N-No, Seunghae please you don’t—” Even before he could finish his sentence, Seunghae has turned away again. The other was right, if they wouldn’t learn to work together again, they would get a major problem with their dance instructor. Actually, Kibum has never been yelled at so often like now with the man he has admired since ages now. It was a shame that such a brilliant dancer has been forced to stop because of an injury.

The younger lowered his head, his body trembling a bit. One minute too late meant one more cut on Yutae’s body if he wouldn’t give the other a call. Kibum felt how the fingers of his right hand touched the index finger of the left hand. But before he could pick on the sensitive skin, Seunghae was back by his side. Instead of keeping his fingers on the skin that was screaming to get picked on, Kibum put his hands loosely on Seunghae’s waist. “Okay,” the soft voice of the younger was barely above a whisper while he leaned more into Seunghae’s touch. This time he could let go, right? No one would see it. A soft smile appeared on Kibum’s bow-shaped lips the moment a familiar music started playing. How could he forget this music and the story behind it? He remembered how devastated he has been back then when the studio wanted to force them to dance with someone else, with female dancers and how Seunghae managed to fight for them to stay together. Kibum remembered how he stayed at the studio with Seunghae until late at night, sometimes until the next day just to perfect the choreography. Sometimes, they just showered at the studio and went to school right after without any sleep. But it has been worth it. Not just that their connection grew incredibly strong, but they’ve shown all the odds that two men could achieve the same as a casual male and female couple.

Back then, Kibum’s heart has beat for Seunghae in more than just a platonic way. There has been so much love and admiration that Kibum was not even been forced to play the loving couple. Kibum drowned in his memories while his body started moving to the music. Even after all those years, Kibum still knew every step, every position, and lifting. He felt like the little boy again who still had this playful mind, who danced for the fun and for the passion, not for the perfection. Kibum felt how his body became one with Seunghae’s again, how they moved together in perfect harmony. The dance was so effortless, that Kibum forgot about his own exhaustion. Seunghae always had this effect on him. His expressive and powerful dancing was carrying Kibum with him all the time. A soft smile appeared on his lips the moment he ended up in in a tight embrace from behind before turning around. Kibum had both arms wrapped around the older, their bodies so close that not even a piece of paper would fit between them. And now that they looked into each others eyes, there was so much Kibum wanted to say. He wanted to ask top forget about everything that drew them apart, to become what they used to be, but he couldn’t. Not because his mouth was unable to say something, but because of the person who has watched them.

Kibum followed Seunghae’s gaze, just to see the one he loved, the one he cared about, the one he was always hurting so much. 

                                                                     Y u t a e . 

Immediately, Kibum’s heart started to beat a bit faster and his arms sank down. There was no reason for him to feel guilty, not anymore. Kibum knew that there was no romantic feeling anymore between Seunghae and him, but why was Yutae looking at them like this?

Only as Seunghae’s grip became tighter and full, warm lips brushed over his temple, Kibum seemed to come back to reality. “Stop this bullshit, Seunghae.” Kibum rolled his eyes and shoved the other man away from him with both hands on Seunghae’s shoulder. “THIS is Yutae.” After freeing himself from Seunghae’s embrace, Kibum almost ran over to the tall male with a smile on his lips. “Hey.” Carefully, Kibum reached out, wrapping his slender fingers around Yutae’s hands. “I’m sorry. I wanted to call you. I would have called you now.” Has Yutae hurt himself again? Kibum tried to see if there were any new cuts, but he couldn’t see any. “Are you here to pick me up? Sorry, I’m sweaty.” With a bright smile, Kibum leaned in and placed a sweet little kiss on Yutae’s lips. “Oh,” he stepped aside again. “This is Seunghae, my dance partner for the Romeo & Juliet performance. You know…the one I’ve ranted about the past days.” of course, he has told Yutae about it, about how Mr. Lee was scolding him for not being expressive enough in comparison to the older dancer.

“he made you stop,” seunghae echoed with another raised brow. he wasn’t discreet at all about expressing skepticism. seunghae knew the severity of kibum’s eating disorder. combined with his own experience, seunghae was pretty fucking skeptical about how this yutae made kibum just...stop. “how did he make you stop?” seunghae had his doubts about the answer being innocent and harmless. addiction was ugly. ugly things usually required ugly solutions. he never met this yutae guy, but seunghae’s opinion of him only worsened as he listened to kibum stumble over trying to explain what the two were. “the fuck--? is he playing you or what? what the hell do you mean you guys don’t know what you are? is the sonuvabitch just using you? manipulating you like a toy?” seunghae was graceful with his body, but when it came to people he was closest with, the man wasn’t eloquent at all with his words. this was endearing when he liked you, since then he was just a puppy. a lot of stammering and flustered moments. but since his friendship with kibum took a darker turn, his words were crude and vicious.

( --but his fear, his paranoia wasn’t out of nowhere. only kibum would understand why seunghae could be so overprotective of the people he cared about, and mistrusting of those he didn’t know well enough yet. what happened to seunghae occurred years ago...but it still lived with him. he was still dirty. still unclean. still fucked up. all the more reasons as to why he was terrified of sanghyun ever learning more about him. who wouldn’t run from that? )

seunghae felt at peace for once when he danced with kibum. this was what they needed. he had greater hope now that kibum and he would be able to perform together again. but his sense of content was short-lived when a stranger interrupted. seunghae watched them carefully. kibum seemed...happy. genuinely happy.

yutae returned the kiss lightly. “yeah, i thought i’d stop by,” he answered quietly. he kissed kibum’s cheek. “i missed you.” after a moment of hesitation, yutae looked back up at seunghae. there were only two emotions in yutae as he stared at seunghae: awe and fear. he was everything yutae was not. he was grace and beauty and confidence and brilliance all in one. yutae couldn’t help but look seunghae up and down. the other male was dressed in simple black tights and black sleeveless shirt. the skin of his exposed arms were...flawless. not a single scar on them. at least, nothing disgustingly obvious like yutae’s arms. he felt his scars and injuries crawling, coming to life under the gauze and clothes. it only got worse when yutae realized seunghae was studying him as well. subconsciously yutae pulled his sleeves down, so they went to his knuckles. but he knew seunghae must’ve caught sight of his bandages.

“oh-- so you’re yutae.” seunghae approached yutae. he held his hand out. “nice to meet you. i’m seunghae.” yutae hesitated before taking seunghae’s hand to shake. before he could return the verbal formality, seunghae tightened his hold on yutae’s bandaged hand, and pulled him in closer. “i know kibum better than anyone,” he whispered in a low voice, so only yutae could hear. “so if you damned well better be fucking perfect if you think you’re anywhere near deserving of him.” then seunghae drew back with a warm, kindhearted smile. “i hope we can be good friends, yutae.” he gave yutae’s hand one more squeeze, then withdrew his hand.

yutae was frozen. he didn’t know how to respond other than stammer out, “s-same. it’s-- it’s nice to meet you too.” he looked to kibum, and suddenly seunghae’s words echoed violently inside his head. yutae stepped back. “...i’ll see you later, kibum.” he turned to leave. in case kibum would try to go after him, seunghae reached out to grab kibum’s arm. he turned kibum to stare down at him. 

“he’s a cutter, isn’t he?” seunghae hissed. “you’re living with an addict.”

[pasxiion-blog]

fluorvte :

「 ♡ 」 … *┊                               THERE WAS THIS ONE human, Azrael was watching ever since his birth. Lee Jintaek, a fascinating man with an incredible talent and yet a hard fate. Azrael has changed his appearance several times to stay hidden for Jintaek. When the other was still a kid, Azrael appeared as an old friendly man from the neighborhood who gave the boy some candy and pet his head whenever they would see. When Jintaek reached his teenage years, Azrael appeared as one of his teachers in school, using a safe distance but still keeping an eye on him, now, he was Jonghoon for a whole lot of time, the one who tried to warn Jintaek not to perform, but the stubborn man who lived for his dancing didn’t listen and paid the price. Even the mightiest horseman and oldest creature has been unable to save this man who grew so important to him during the years. All Azrael, or better said Jonghoon, could do after the tragedy was staying by the man’s side, giving him love and affection and encourage him to keep on. It wasn’t much and Azrael knew that behind the surface, Jintaek was on the edge of something, but that didn’t mean that Jonghoon would give up on this human – he never would. “Surprise!” Jonghoon spread his arms out. “I’m here to pick you up, what else?” With some quick footsteps, the tall male approached the other and wrapped one arm around the dance instructor’s shoulder. With his free hand, Jonghoon made a gesture over to his car. “Your voice sounds raspy. Have you yelled at your students again?” The fine lines around his eyes to show up more visibly again. “And woah you look tired as hell. Originally, I have thought about treating you dinner and then driving you to the studio to show you what I’ve been working on the past weeks, but maybe we should just order something and just sit down on the couch and I give you a massage later?” He cared and this wasn’t a common thing for Azrael to do, it was even against the rules for Death to care about a mortal and try to manipulate his fate for the better.

when he lost his ability to perform, jintaek lost...everything-- his career, his purpose, his sense of identity, his reason to live. there were only two things that anchored him from the time of the accident to present day: jonghoon and teaching. but as of late, the contemplation of ending his own life lurked more than ever in his mind. jintaek was already considering that the most ideal time to end his life was after the romeo & juliet performance. he was too deep in these thoughts to realize what a dangerous headspace he was in if the man already had a vague sense of timeframe. but then there were moments like these with jonghoon that had jintaek reconsidering. jonghoon who would be waiting for him. jonghoon who shared meals with him. jonghoon who would simply smile at him. whether it was the mental exhaustion from earlier today, or just his general weary state, jintaek didn’t fight the urge to embrace jonghoon. he pulled the man into his arms. jintaek buried his face in his shoulder, taking a moment of silence to breathe him in. “...i want to know what you’ve been working on,” he answered, his voice muffled against jonghoon’s shoulder. the man drew back a little. “whether we go out or order in, i’ll treat you to dinner this time.” finally a smile broke through. fondness warmed his eyes. he only ever looked at jonghoon this way. “it’s my turn, remember?”

jintaek couldn’t help but let out a sigh. “it’s the two i mentioned the last time we spoke. they’re having the kind of drama i don’t get paid enough to deal with. you know-- personal drama.” truthfully jintaek was concerned. he cared about his students. but he was all tough love. meaning he gave it harshly to seunghae and kibum today to resolve whatever was going on between them. jintaek contemplated on if he should be more like his past music teacher. he was the closest older male figure jintaek had in his life. one of the only people jintaek ever trusted enough to confide in about his struggles during his youth. but what right did jintaek have to be a teacher who could emotionally support students when jintaek could hardly take care of himself? it was hypocritical. jintaek got into the front passenger seat of jonghoon’s car. it felt good to relax and sink back into the seat. he probably burned more energy mentally stressing out over his two male leads than physically going through choreography with them. “hey--” jintaek looked over as he reached out. his fingers brushed away a few stray strands from jonghoon’s eyes, then ran down the side of his face. “thanks for coming. i--” ‘i missed you. i need you. i love you.’ “--i was hungry. hope you are too.”

[pasxiion-blog]

fluorvte :

「 @pasxiion receives a starter from SANGHYUN 」

「 ♡ 」 … *┊                               THE SLENDER BLONDE MALE walked over to a familiar man, sitting on the ground of the studio practice room, leaning against the wall. Carefully, Sanghyun sat down on the other man’s right side. Then he held his left hand out to hand him the cold drink Sanghyun has been getting for each of them before. “Here,” he said, handing Seunghae the drink before he finally leaned against the wall as well. Sanghyun stretched his legs out while taking a sip from his cold juice. No matter how often Sanghyun was seeing Seunghae, he was still not able to understand how a professional dancer could bother with amateurs like him. Surely, the blonde male knew by now that Seunghae was a professional ballet dancer and not some background dancer or something like this, but shouldn’t he have enough dancing on a daily basis? Of course, he would never complain. Dancing with Seunghae was a blessing and fun as well. Ever since their first meeting, they seemed to get along perfectly even though Sanghyun has been quite distant at first.

“You seem quite moody lately. Did something happen?” This was probably nothing of his business and yet Sanghyun felt worried whenever he watched Seunghae in secret. Was his work stressful? Was he having some personal problems? Sanghyun ran his tongue over his plush lips before he turned his gaze back to Seunghae. “You don’t have to talk about it, but I’m here listening if you need someone to talk, alright?”

any dancer knew that form, technique and skill were all essential parts of this art form. but there was also something else: heart. for seunghae, dance was his way to completely lose himself. when the loss of his parents at an early age paralyzed seunghae with grief and depression, it was dance that literally got him out of bed. it was impossible for him to dance without his emotions playing into it. the pros of this was how everything seunghae conveyed with his body was raw, visercal and genuine. the cons of this was how if seunghae’s emotions were in turmoil and he hadn’t found a way to resolve them yet-- his body got distracted. the movements felt disconnected. he was still hitting every move with precision, but there was unwarranted tension to his body today. 

even before sanghyun fully settled down sitting next to him, seunghae rested his head on the other male’s shoulder. “thank you,” he said as he took the drink. he flashed a grin. “you’re the best.” seunghae appreciated how sanghyun took care of him. it might’ve been just small gestures, but they meant a lot of seunghae. after taking a few long sips, seunghae set the drink down, so he could sprawl out and rest his head in seunghae’s lap. he laughed as seunghae pointed out that he’s been moody. “just worried,” he answered. “kibum and yutae are going about ‘treating’--” he even used air quotes “--their addictions in the worst way possible. they’re destroying each other by destroying themselves. and i-- i don’t know what to do.” 

seunghae’s hand found sanghyun’s hand, so he could hold onto it while running his thumb over the back of the other’s hand. when seunghae looked up, he caught sight of sanghyun’s tongue flickering over his lips. a blush quickly crept up onto the dancer’s face, so he turned his head to hide his face. seunghae’s dreams about sanghyun weren’t even that sexual. ( but that wasn’t also to say his dreams were completely absent of that. ) just...hopelessly, helplessly romantic. he didn’t think he would ever fall in love with anyone again. but dance never lied to seunghae. he felt sanghyun’s soul even just in the air between them when they danced together. and maybe what was frightening how moments like now when they were taking a break, seunghae still felt the call of this beautiful soul. 

after a deep breath, seunghae sat up, and finished the rest of his drink. after wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he looked over at sanghyun with smile. “i have an idea. let’s do something different. something new.” seunghae stood up, pulling the other up by reaching for their hand. he switched the setting for the music player on shuffle, then hit play. “people call this improv. i just call it having fun.” seunghae grinned as he pulled sanghyun in closer. for him, it wasn’t just pulling out whatever moves that were in his mental inventory. it was about responding to sanghyun’s body. dancing in a way that complemented his partner. the tension from earlier eased out of seunghae as exhilaration coursed through his veins. it was pure joy. there were moments of laughter that made him feel so light. somehow their bodies came together in the climax of the song. 

----as if drawn together by gravity. and it only seemed right for their lips to collide.

[pasxiion-blog]

dxlxgence :

« K I B U M. » ✧ ┆   There was a certain vibe about Seunghae that caused Kibum to feel annoyed and pressured at the same time. Whenever this innocent face was looking at him, Kibum had to refrain from the urge to scratch the other man’s eyes out with the question in mind of how they could have been friends long ago. Jung Seunghae was more than just annoying, he was the person who blocked the way for Kibum to climb up the latter of success. His style was different from Kibum’s, but at the same time, everything Kibum was lacking of. Ballet wasn’t just dancing, it was about emotion, about acting. Whenever Kibum looked at Seungae, he felt like looking into a mirror and seeing a reflection that wasn’t his but that should become his.

“No, I don’t. But not because I want to spare you any problems,   H y u n g . ”

Kibum almost spat the title out as if it was something disgusting. He could clearly remember the last time they were supposed to dance with each other and how it almost destroyed each other. Now, they had to go through this again just with something so much more important. They both had the leading role in an unusual and new kind of production, about the hardships and longing of a homosexual couple. If they wouldn’t perform it perfectly, they wouldn’t just ruin the whole season’s performance but also the view on such a sensitive topic.

Trying to shove these thoughts away, Kibum focused on the steps again, perfecting them in the best way he could. All he could think about was how he would get his steps right and perfect at the same time. It was more than obvious that he wasn’t even having the time to pay attention to his emotions and the acting. Of course, even Seunghae was recognizing it by now. The strong grip on his wrists pulled Kibum back to the reality. With some fierce and annoyed gaze, Kibum was facing his rival and former friend while listening to his words, then he looked at the space between them. Was this really a problem? A soft snort was audible and the first response Kibum was giving his dancing partner. Weren’t those questions a bit too private?

“I am in love but it’s none of your business.” Kibum lowered his head a bit as he tried to calm his mind. Seunghae wasn’t Yutae and he would never be like him. How should Kibum even pretend that this man was the one he loved? At the same time, the closeness between Yutae and him was so different from what Seunghae and Kibum were forced to act out. Carefully, Kibum put his hands on Seunghae’s body again, getting back into the position of the sequence they have interrupted. “Our love is different.” With these words, Kibum started the first steps again, trying to get closer to the older this time.

For a second or two, Kibum closed his eyes, tried to imagine Yutae by his side while he wrapped his arms around the other male. His fingertips traced over the back of Seunghae’s neck, their faces so close that Kibum could feel the other man’s hot breath fanning over his lips. “Darling,” he whispered under his breath. “He calls me darling.” This time, it was Kibum stopping his dancing. He stepped back from Seunghae and turned to face the clock at the wall. It was close to midnight. “I should give him a call.”

“oh?” 

seunghae quirked a brow in genuine surprise. deep down, he was relieved. kibum was clean? god, he hoped so. seunghae understood why kibum developed such eating habits (or lack thereof.) the world of dance was beautiful to the audience, but could be mercilessly cruel and vicious to those in it. even seunghae had his periods of ‘restricting.’ but he had been motivated to try to eat a healthy, average diet back when kibum was still in his life. if seunghae didn’t eat, then it would’ve only encouraged kibum to not eat either. but all of this was the seunghae buried deep down. the seunghae who still burned with guilt for almost costing kibum his ability to dance, his career, his entire life. the seunghae he presented to kibum just smirked with a hint of mockery.

“how come? what got my lovely little dongsaeng to stop shoving his fingers down his throat?” seunghae was genuinely intrigued. what made kibum stop purging when nothing seunghae ever did in the past worked? 

things only got curiouser and curiouser when kibum revealed that he was in love. seunghae scoffed out a laugh. “different, huh?” he held his smile, but it was all teeth. the man couldn’t help but feel challenged. what did this other love of kibum’s have that seunghae didn’t? another laugh when kibum said this mystery man called him ‘darling’. “so-- you guys together or what?” he wasn’t jealous. just worried. seunghae knew kibum. he needed to be handled with care. with gentleness. with kindness. was this person giving kibum all of that? when kibum stopped dancing, seunghae caught his wrist again. “the call can wait,” he said sharply. “mr. lee’s going to kill us if we don’t-- if--” he struggled on how to phrase it until finally spitting out, “--if we don’t reconnect. stay here. just wait.”

seunghae turned away from kibum to walk over to the music player. he stopped the current track, then hooked up his own phone. after scrolling through the library, seunghae found the song. there was about 30 seconds rest period before the cut music played. seunghae took kibum’s face in his hands. “let’s forget everything,” he whispered. just as he would say when they were younger. “let’s forget our pasts. let’s forget everything holding us down. let’s forget the rest of the world. right now, it’s only you and me.” his thumb brushed across kibum’s cheek. even if the romance didn’t exist between them anymore, kibum was his dance partner. his soulmate onstage. nobody seunghae danced with after kibum could even compare. “remember, kibum-- i’ll be your wings.” he kissed kibum’s forehead, then stepped back to get into position.

the first few notes of the intro played. it was one of the first performances they did together. the studio they were at the time was wary about sending a pair of two young boys into a major competition. seunghae threatened to leave the studio if he wasn’t allowed to have kibum as his partner. he refused to dance with anyone else. the studio gave in. they performed. they won 1st place. but it wasn’t just about winning that made the performance unforgettable. it was all the countless days and nights they spent together practicing. they created the choreography together. the dance was to tell the story of how love could heal, how love could give you wings. all of this led up to the moments on stage when seunghae wasn’t only dancing anymore. he was just there to show the world how much he loved this boy.

and if they were going to do romeo & juliet, then they needed to learn how to love each other again. not romantically. but still deeply. still purely. somehow after all of these years of being apart, their bodies still knew how to move together. it would’ve been impossible to forget this dance. when seunghae danced with kibum, there was only one thing seunghae existed for: to make kibum shine. to show the world how beautiful kibum was. seunghae was there as a support-- catching every outstretched hand, anchoring turns with a gentle hold to the waist, and of course, lifting him into the air. seunghae felt tears threaten to sting his eyes. he was reminded of what he shared with kibum that he’d never have with another dance partner: genuine intimacy, unfaltering trust, endless love. there was nothing false about the great comfort he took in resting his cheek against kibum’s. or the way he would look into kibum’s eyes. for all the raving praises people gave about seunghae’s expressive dancing-- if only they knew that it was kibum who made seunghae the dancer he was today. as the dance drew to a close, seunghae’s hand drifted up kibum’s arm, and drew him in for an embrace from behind. he gently turned kibum around, so their eyes met. he was about to whisper, “i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. i was terrified after i almost hurt you. i’m sorry for being cruel to you. i’m afraid to love you again if it means hurting you. but oh, god-- i miss you, i fucking miss you, kibum. will you forgive me?” 

but those words never made their way out. because as seunghae embraced kibum with the song ending, he saw someone across the room. a stranger. thin. tall. pale. dark circles under eyes. what got seunghae puzzled was the utterly devastated look on the young man’s face. he seemed to hesitate before speaking: “...h-hello.” 

just by the wavering tremor in the young man’s voice, and the glimmer of something wet in his eyes-- seunghae knew this must be yutae. seunghae’s eyes flickered to see a glimpse of gauze bandages wrapped around the man’s hands, most likely leading up his arms hidden by the sweater sleeves. more gauze around his throat. seunghae’s gaze sharpened as he held onto kibum tighter. his possessiveness was surfacing. yutae flinched, taking a step back. the dancer brushed his lips across kibum’s temple as he said loud enough for yutae to hear, 

“who’s that, darling?”

[pasxiion-blog]

                  ( @fluorvte )

“...what are you doing here?” there was such derision laced into that one word: ‘you.’ as if the silent intensity of his gaze wasn’t enough to convey how jonghoon was someone jintaek didn’t want to see again. no-- that was a lie. of course, jintaek still wanted to see jonghoon. he was the only one to possibly move the man’s heart outside of the arts. it was because of jonghoon that jintaek’s expression of love became so real, so raw, so authentic when the man danced. but so would expressions of heartbreak, of anger, of bitterness, of resentment-- if jintaek could still dance as he used to. the man was able to move his body enough to teach. but not to perform at the same caliber as he once did. his performance career was cut short after the accident jonghoon...predicted? jintaek still didn’t understood. but he had not other outlet for his devastation. so it was directed at the man he loved. why would jonghoon want to stay with him anyways? without dance, jintaek was nothing. the instructor was just leaving the company building for the evening, and debating on whether to go home or wander about. now he wasn’t so sure seeing as how jonghoon was here. “what do you want, jonghoon?” he sounded...weary. the man had just lectured the hell out of seunghae and kibum again. there was something personal between them that was blocking the two leads from reaching their full potential. jesus christ. jintaek didn’t sign up to be a counselor. he demanded them to work their shit out sooner rather than later. “or are you lost?”

[chungmurostuff]

[pasxiion-blog]

                           ( @dxlxgence )

"are you still throwing up these days? i hope not. seeing as how we have to kiss onstage.”

it was just the two of them in the main practice room. they always stayed the latest. everyone assumed it was because kibum and seunghae were chosen as the main leads for this season’s performance. it was ‘unconventional’ in the sense that it featured male leads, and had them as romantic interests. this wasn’t very common in the traditional ballet world, but the company director had visions for “breaking new ground” and whatnot. seunghae was the newest member of the dance company. he spent the past few years dancing in europe. he was stunned to be chosen as a lead so soon. his happiness was short-lived when he realized who his partner would be.

the last time they danced together, kibum and seunghae almost destroyed each other. that wasn’t just a figure of speech. kibum brought the best and worst out of him-- the best as a dancer, the worst as a human being. it would’ve been better if they were strangers. or just rivals. instead they were childhood friends turned rivals. carrying history of something good made this fucking worse. he should’ve done more research into this company. if he had known kibum was here, maybe he wouldn’t have--...no. seunghae still would’ve joined. because he wanted to learn from the famous instructor here. seunghae and kibum hero worshipped the hell out of that dancer since they were kids. now was seunghae’s chance to finally learn from him. so like hell was he going to let kibum ruin this chance.

seunghae swore in frustration as he stopped the practice by catching kibum’s wrist. he forced the other dancer to look at him. “you ever been in love? have you ever expressed it? because damnit, kibum. this--” he gestured to the space between them “--isn’t going to work if you don’t love me-- the character i’m playing. i don’t care what you do. pretend i’m someone else. but you can’t fake love. it’s the one thing the audience is an expert on everywhere.” seunghae repositioned his hands on kibum’s body to restart the sequence. “if it helps-- you can even call me by his name,” he whispered. “what does he call you?”

[dazzlingkai]

KAI | They Never Know [ VCR ]