its a music blog but its also me whining

"pathetic indie is not so pathetic as she is insufferable" "10/10 on a scale of clinically depressed" "has the ability to feel more deeply than others" "is full of absolute shit" "she's okay"

[patheticindie]

nick mulvey // first mind // i don’t want to go home

i feel so gross. i think that recently i’ve been having a lot of trouble deciphering between sexual love and actual friendship love. it sounds so mom of me tbh, i kind of hate it. maybe i’m realizing that what i want isn’t a one night thing and maybe i need to assert myself as a more dominant person in a relationship because otherwise i falter and don’t express what i need. 

i had sex with a guy named zack and i liked him a lot but there was nothing there that screamed relationship to me. 10/10 would sleep with him again but he’s blocked me and i can’t figure out why. i think i’m okay with it but its just been bugging me.

[patheticindie]

wet / deadwater

well i drunk texted isaac at 11pm on halloween and i don’t really know how this is going to turn out. feeling hella stressed about it. i don’t know if i’m more concerned with seeming unprofessional or just being an awkward piece of shit. i have the hugest crush on his face and i think its because he’s nice to me and no one is really ever nice to me?

[patheticindie]

vacationer / relief / the wild life

good times song, kind of a fuck you vibe. not necessarily to a particular person, but to the feeling that everything has to be figured out before you jump in and just do something. been stuck in the same depressed thinking patterns for a couple weeks so its nice to belt this out and feel like i’m making progress in that sense. 

[patheticindie]

the weepies / say i am you / gotta have you

sometimes people know exactly who a song is about when they listen to it. it’s like a projection of feelings onto someone else’s own experience. right now i don’t know what this song means to me, but i’ve been listening to it a lot lately. reminds me of sitting in imani’s room for three days straight because all we really needed was each other to be happy. that’s a feeling i miss.