The Ride (Posted September 28, 2011 on FB notes)
I am walking through a familiar place of my childhood, joyful nostalgia sets in. I could recall how difficult it is for me to get to the top of the monkey bars but enjoy playing with my classmates or how long id wait in line for my turn to slide and afterwards feeling the awesome breeze cooling my sweaty cheeks. Or how i would linger sitting on the swing not caring about a thing.
The simplicity of my childhood and the carefree moments are what i miss the most.
But i dont live in Neverland. I cant stay a kid forever. I cant be carefree at all times and life is not that simple most of the time.
It is in dreams however, that i could be anything or anyone i could.
Yes, i am an escapist.
Being out of the “real world” makes me feel calm whenever i get stressed. The “real world” meaning where i am at the moment with familiar faces, places and problems.
When i am in an unfamiliar and uncomfortable environment, it excites me. Yes, i find it exciting more than frightening. It feels like i have accomplished something, or conquered a fear of some sort. It feels liberating. It like scoring the winning goal or getting a standing ovation after a performance or getting a medal for academic excellence. (you get the picture right?) It is going out of your comfort zone, exploring what’s outside of it, and triumphs over the uncertain and unknown.
I continue to walk until i reach the parking lot where the car is. I decide to go for a joyride. Alone. I pass by land marks i could recognize even if my eyes are closed. They are all beginning to be behind me. Until i reached the border separating the town i grew up in and the next.
Im thrilled. I go further. As adrenalin rushes through my body, i felt the need for speed. I stepped on the gas harder. I put the windows down so i could feel the air blowing. I want to feel the movement. The motion that is taking me somewhere and preventing me to be still.
I reach the expressway. I yearn for more speed and so i did. I am smiling. I look at my rear mirror so i could shift to the fast lane. I over take cars, buses and trucks. I feel great. I am excited.
I step on the gas more. I am enjoying the moment but i dont really have a destination in mind. I look at the exit signs and names of places. I finally settled on where i would go. I gently release my foot off the gas pedal. I begin to slow down. As i reach the place, i scoured for a parking space. I find one, and then hit the breaks. I am now at a full stop. I get out of the car. I breathe the air of the unfamiliar place i am in. I exhaled my anxieties. I feel a tear rolling down my face. I allow it. I inhaled some more to prevent my sudden outburst of emotion. I could not stop it. I am weeping. And then i smile. I went back in the car and i drive back to the familiar. To where i know everything like the back of my hand.
The excitement fades, i begin to get comfortable. I am cruising the familiar streets when i suddenly step on the breaks hard. Boom. I do not notice the kid crossing the street. I almost hit him. The breaks are not enough. I have to manuever the wheels to prevent the impact of the car from the kid. The car is spinning. I almost smash into a tree. The breaks finally take effect. I am at a full stop. My heart is beating faster than ever. I couldnt be more excited.
Someone tapped my back. It was a dream. I was dreaming. I didnt get into the car. I didnt drive out of town. And the almost accident never happened.
I am back in my real world where i am going to see familiar but real faces, common but comfortable places and most of all, dealing with same old problems but managing and staying afloat amidst it all.
It is not a crime to dream. Or go out of the world we are accustomed to. It is our right to feel the thrill. It is part of life that we conquer our fears. But there is also nothing wrong with staying with the familiar. If that is where your heart is, then that is the place you have to bloom.
We are all made to do great things, whereever we are. Our dreams are what drive us to achieve. Reality is the place we make our dreams happen.
wrote this in my ejournal 3 days ago. Just sharing it :)
