two cents

a journal.

[patrickdelacrz]

All The Small Things

It's the mundane things we often take for granted, and also the things we miss the most.

I was talking with one of my friends recently and we were just reminiscing the old normal and what we miss from it.

"Oh man, just the thought of commuting, seeing you guys is such exciting stuff."

"Right?! Just riding the bus and getting milk tea."

"Well, think about it. Those are all pretty mundane, everyday stuff we used to do. Yet it's the things we miss the most."

It got me thinking that the things we miss the most from our old normal was the regular routine, the things we often see or do but never really acknowledge or notice. Since we see it everyday, we get to the point of taking it all for granted really. We had this mindset of just getting to the next step, but never really savoring what the last step meant. We were all so fast-paced, one project after another, until one day, everything stopped. Everything has changed. And we miss everything.

I recently watched this fun zombie film called Zombieland. The first one, back in 2009. Haven't watched the sequel, but I will soon. Still got lots of time anyway. Hahaha! Back to my point, in Zombieland, well there's zombies. That's pretty obvious from the title and how I described it. Sorry, anyway. In stories like this one, an apocalypse has occurred and the people inhabiting its environment have been shellshocked and are now terrified for their own lives, always on the run, never really rested. To the point that one of the protagonists, Columbus, has devised a set of rules in order to stay alive amidst the pandemic, I mean, the apocalypse.

Some of these rules were meant for survival like rule #1 which is cardio, or #31 checking the back seat in case of valuable materials or the occasional zombie waiting to eat you. Other rules were meant not just for surviving, but for living. To be completely human. And that's rule #32, enjoy the little things.

In one of the scenes in the film, the four protagonists stop by an antiques shop, a very clean, well-preserved antiques shop. Nothing was broken, and sure a zombie popped up but that was handled pretty easily. Columbus and Tallahassee get into a bit of a playful fight and accidentally break one of the knickknacks. It's like a switch was turned on in their heads to break more, and break more they did. It was a sight to see the four wreak havoc on a little shop and just have huge smiles plastered across all their faces. I like to imagine the director tell the actors to just go wild, go ham on this scene, and it sparked joy in everyone's hearts, including mine. The scene ended with Columbus's voice over saying the 32nd rule. Enjoy the little things.

In a time of either zombie apocalypse or medical pandemic, the little things are still here. They just changed entities. From the past, with the old normal, having haircuts was a bliss and I miss it so dearly. I know a looooot of men would agree with me on this. Commuting for me was so joyful because of the adventure, the people you'd meet, and the destination you have plotted. I really can't do any of those now, but that doesn't mean blessings are entirely gone. I remember about a week ago, my dad brought home food from Jollibee. Burgers, fries, iced tea, and by God's grace, a sundae. What a big joy it was to eat some fast food, since I rarely get to eat that stuff now.

It's so funny that in the past with the old normal, I would kill for authentic lutong bahay (home-cooked food). Now? I would kill for fast food. Yet the fact I have food on the table, what a small and huge blessing! I've got a portable air conditioning unit that helps me stay cool amidst this summer heat. And I have WiFi that helps me stay connected to so many people, from old to young, and in whatever aspect I need nourishing in. Just the little blessing as well of sharing my thoughts on a platform such as this, is so mind-boggling for me and it's already sparking joy.

It's in these small moments of life you feel most alive. The quiet can be so loud and deafening. The small can be so huge and ginormous. The small spaces we reside in can be the biggest room in the galaxy. The extraordinary still occurs at times, no doubt, but the ordinary is every moment. Grab these moments today. Grab these moments here. Hold on tight. Own it.

I'm grateful for you.

P.S. Can you do me a favor? Try to list down 10 things you're grateful for this very day. It produces a heart of gratitude and invites you to a moment of meditation on the past day. You'll be surprised on what you might realize. Once done, send it to a loved one. Share the joy!

[patrickdelacrz]

Update

Even before the season of Lent ended, I had this tug at my heart to start writing again. I mean, I wasn't really doing anything besides reading, listening to podcasts, or watching stuff on YouTube or Netflix. Not that it wasn't good, but I just have this abundance of time and energy that I wanted to return to writing.

Which is why I did. I was even cautious at first, if I would be able to do it every week as to not pressure myself too much. I'm actually happy to say that the topics have just been arriving on my head recently which is why I've been able to write every week and post regularly. That's one of the top rules of content creating: consistency.

I am just glad that I've been enjoying sharing my thoughts on certain stuff, and the fact that people have taken the time out to read is already big for me. A big bonus already if some message me about the recent writeup with their own exhortations. Just wonderful to think so many relate and even learn. It gives me even more reason to keep this up as often as I can.

I am taking this post to just discuss briefly how I post. Ever since my first writeup last month, I've found myself having two different posting schedules. Either, 1. I post once a week on a Thursday evening at 6pm (Manila Time), or 2. I post twice a week, one on Tuesday and another on Friday (possibly Saturday even). Also at 6pm.

Since this is posted on Tuesday, expect a writeup by Friday. :)

I'll be talking about a scene in a fun zombie film and how it relates to us on where we were and where we are now.

If you have any suggestions as to what you want me to write on, I would gladly consider. I thank you for the sacrifice of time you give to read and I hope I exchange that with some kind of value.

Much love. God bless.

[patrickdelacrz]

Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming

In a time of wanting to go back to the good old days or wanting to get this over with, we shift our focus on what today has to offer.

I've recently been reading this book by a semi-old man talking about our current situation. He mentioned something awfully interesting about it. This is the first time he's experienced a global pandemic that caused even a quarantine to take place in his 50+ years of living.

What that's telling us is that we can't truly rely on anyone for experience. In the way that you ask mentors for help with a certain aspect of your life, this is something you'll hit a brick wall with. Old or young, rich or poor, experienced or not, we're all in the same boat. A boat that makes us fearful of what's happening. Anxiety has gotten to most of us with all the panic buying that has happened, and the isolation causes our minds to fill us up with a sense of loneliness and dread. We're around a month in to the lockdown and we think with all the extensions and speculations of the effects, will it ever truly end?

This ain't a new topic to discuss, and you may be tired of all the news that concerns this topic, or the videos, articles, or even blogs that you see discussing this. Including this, my last four write-ups have a mention of the current situation, so you know this is a pretty broad topic with many subtopics to talk about. Far as I'm concerned, this will be my last write-up on this and then I'll move on to a different idea. Bear with me on this.

I recently heard a message about this quarantine early on and he mentioned how this isn't normal. Or at least, compared to our regular normal, this is entirely different and feels like an obstacle. A lot of us have groaned ever since the beginning knowing that this will be a pain and a huge sacrifice to be distant from friends, other loved ones, and our regular routine with work, school, and such. We've been uncertain how to deal with this 'new normal' and some would say we still are.

We've seen the dawn of online classes and work from home and many are not happy. I am lucky my college hasn't altered their calendar year yet until the following year, or else I'd be in the same predicament as my friends in other colleges. Other than that, most of us have resorted to online chats and video calls and comparing this 'new normal' to the 'old normal', it's obviously been the same.

Now oftentimes, when faced with an obstacle, we look around on our present situation and check to see the tools available to make this problem bearable and even overcome it. These are the opportunities to make a difference and grow and do amazing stuff. Opportunities arise when obstacles come your way. In this new normal, let us find every opportunity to dive into this just like we did in the past.

Wherever we are, we always have our pros and cons. Our old normal allowed us to possess a freedom to leave the house and meet up with friends and gather, but the downside would be the traffic, the spending for every meal of the day. In our new normal, we have this opportunity to connect deeper with our family, or to spend time reading the book you've been putting off reading, working out, or even watching a simple show on Netflix. Whatever it is, we are now in a different ocean of blessings.

Our old normal brought forth different blessings, from haircuts to hangouts. With this new thing, we still have blessings! If you're healthy, that's a blessing. If you woke up this morning, that's a blessing. If you have food AND water, DOUBLE BLESSING. If you have money to spend for groceries and a car to get to the supermarket and a person strong enough to get groceries, well that's a lot of blessings right there. We're in an ocean of blessing. That's already wonderful.

Where we are is so important and so beautiful. Now, we sometimes think of the good old days or the coming future. Whether or not it's in fantasy or worry, the one sure thing is that you're not living in the now if you do that. It's a terrible mindset because you're missing out on all the learnings of the now. Our lockdown has been extended for two more weeks, and we're not even sure if that's going to be the last time, but I implore you to look at today and revel at the opportunity of feasting on the blessings that come your way. Never get tired of blessings, because as long as we have breath, we are blessed. Pandemic or not.

As I mentioned, this is the first time we or anyone for that matter, are experiencing this, yet life continues. We continue living and writing our stories, receiving the blessing as we march forward.

Keep swimming. Dive into this ocean.

Never fear, there is so much more to see.

[patrickdelacrz]

Explaining the Oratio Imperata

These are no longer words. This is what we truly believe in. Let's try to understand it better, shall we?

Recently, as one family of believers, as one Catholic church, we have been implored to pray the Oratio Imperata in petition for the Coronavirus pandemic. It is prayed twice throughout the day, once at noontime and once at 8 in the evening. It has a lot of thoughts and concerns packed into one prayer, and here, I try my best to explain the purpose of each line. This is coming from a 20-year old guy that has his fair share of taking part in a church and such, and that's why if you have any thoughts it would be great if you could comment your takes. Alright, let's begin.

Oratio Imperata in Latin is "obligatory prayer", with 'orationis' being prayer. This is normally prayed at times of desperate need and calamity. A global pandemic such as what we are experiencing right now is a valid enough reason to pray this prayer. In times of great loss, anxiety, discomfort, and weakness, a glimmer of hope is what the entire world needs.

We lift up to God this cross we are currently bearing and trust in what He has planned.

When we pray, "God our Father, we come to you in our need", we remind ourselves of who God is in our lives. A father. Our father. Not mine. Not yours. Because of Jesus dying on the cross, we are bought by His blood and adopted into His family, so we can say Our Father. The Father that embraces the disturbed. The One who comforts. The One who has everything planned out. With that, we are humbled. We remember how small and weak we are, that all we could do is come boldly to Him. We don't deserve it, but we need it so badly. Mercy is what we need. As His children, He will not hold back from giving His mercy. Here, we pray for mercy.

When we pray, "to ask your protection against the COVID 19 that has disturbed and even claimed lives.", we take into account the lethality and high rate of contagion of the disease. So much so, everyone's lives have been altered. Rich or poor, young or old, everyone is affected one way or another. Some reside in hospitals, some worry about funerals, others are stuck at home, and some have to go with their regular routine as if a disease won't affect them suddenly. It's a terrifying thought and we just need some kind of assurance that we'll be alright in time. Here, we pray for protection.

When we pray, "We pray that you guide the people tasked to find cures for this disease and to stem its transmission. Protect the medical experts that they may minister to the sick with competence and compassion.", we remember the people who are out there fighting. We know of them as the front-liners. These brave souls, who have stepped into the battlefield are out of their minds and we're the people who benefit who can just stay home during this lockdown. We do our part by stemming the transmission to fewer. Here, we pray for wisdom.

When we pray, "We pray for those afflicted. May they be restored to health soon. Protect those who care for them. Grant eternal rest to those who have died.", we keep in our minds and hearts the men and women suffering firsthand on the clutches of this sickness. The pain they are going through and those people around them who are suffering with them, is unimaginable. We pray that the sick may hold on to the path of healing, for the caregivers to do all that they can, for their families to be relieved of worry, and for the ones who have already passed. May they see the light of heaven. Here, we pray for healing and comfort.

When we pray, "Give us the grace in this trying time to work for the good of all and to help those in need.", we are reminded of our strength and the opportunity we have to give and help and be a blessing. We can't do everything, but we can do something. Whatever our talents, gifts, capacities are, if we can give, we can bless and love. Here, we pray for generosity and courage.

When we pray, "We implore you to stop the spread of this virus and to save us from our fears.", we put our minds back at God's power and marvel at what He can do. What He can do is heal all of us instantly of this disease. What He can do is limitless, we just focus back on His power to do amazing things. Here, we pray for humility.

This is our prayer. Not just some words we recite nor memorize, but to live by. It is an encounter that leads us to see not just God's identity, but also ours. For who God is, that is who we are in turn if we just tap into His vast power. If we continually, unceasingly pray for God to work, He will. We receive this grace today. Twice, even.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Holy Spirit. Thank you, God.

This period of our lives is for you.

[patrickdelacrz]

...Social Distancing Can Also Be Totally Impractical

Quarantine ≠ Socially Distant People. This is why.

We're already 5-6 weeks in the quarantine, and each day we've seen countless news articles, vlogs, podcasts, even late night television shows dealing with this new thing. It's gotten all of us shaken to the core and we're not too sure what happens next.

Though, I could exhort and say that there is so much more to where we are right now, to continue hoping and finding ways to use this new thing for better. I'll be posting a write up about that next week! For today, I just wanna focus on two words that have been thrown around quite often these past weeks.

Social Distancing.

Now, I've already written about this last time, but hear me out. That was under a different context personally. Today, I look at it in the context of quarantine.

We've been praying this prayer called the "Oratio Imperata" for quite some time, and it's against this current pandemic. And one of the lines is to "stem the tide of its transmission." This is to ingrain in our hearts the value of minimizing the risk of spreading the virus to others who aren't sick, like most of us are. We can't risk any of our precious lives, which is why we have been prohibited from leaving the house.

Let me tell you, the first few days, weeks were alright. I got to be intentional with the stuff in the house, but eventually the honeymoon phase was gone and I found myself getting more anxious about the monotony that has been transpiring. It's been draining, to say the least. We've been isolated at home with family or our colleagues, and there's nothing else really going on.

Our only way of connection to people outside is with messaging apps and video call apps, such as Messenger, Viber, Telegram, and Zoom. Let's face it, we miss each other, so we employ all efforts to stay connected with others. This is who we are. We are a social being, and the term "social distancing", well, I ain't buying it. If we really, truly social distanced from others, we wouldn't be talking, communicating, connecting. It's in our very identity to connect with people we value. Check out the different livestreams that have been happening recently, with Catholic masses going online, and cliques and friend groups staying connected via video calls.

Really, we stem this disease's transmission by "physical distancing". Maybe it doesn't have the same ring like social distancing, but it is more correct in my opinion as we have prohibited the gatherings of hundreds, thousands of people in certain places. I recently even heard that the Department of Health is actually using the term "physical distancing", which just affirms my thoughts on the term.

Moreover, it is necessary as to avoid any further infection to the people we love and of course, ourselves. For everyone's sake, we keep distance physically, and at the same time, we keep connected socially.

In a time of disconnect and anxiety, it is more than necessary as well to be united in heart and spirit. Our anxious thoughts could be minimized if we open ourselves to others who are dealing with the same issues. In the same way, we could help those people. Give and take.

Go and message someone today. Comfort them. A laugh is always the best medicine.

Stay connected and stay hydrated. Much love.

[patrickdelacrz]

While Social Distancing Can Be Totally Practical...

My social media detox and how it led me to better consumption/creation

I did a social media fast! Something I didn't really see myself doing in the past as others have done it as well. The good content, whether it be uplifting to my spirit or my mood, was totally on show when I scrolled through my feed. Scrolling isn't really a hard thing to do, unless you don't have signal reception or internet connection, then it's downright impossible.

Back to December (not the Taylor Swift song, thank you.), my annual vacation to the province in Negros Occidental consisted of early sleeping times, fresh food, and yes, no signal reception (I guess you could say early sleeping times were a thing due to the lack of internet and distraction. Okay, anyway.). I looked at my phone and it being not the smartest of smartphones (I'm happy with it, don't worry), was lacking space in the memory. Too much apps and such. I thought of deleting some apps, especially the social media ones, because well, I can't really utilize it now, can I? And so I did, subsequently adding space on my phone.

When I got back to Manila, I would go and check the platforms, but instead I had no sense of joy to do so. I just checked some of the apps for a few days, and after a while, I deleted again. The only app that stuck around was Twitter, and boy, let me tell you something about that app and this year.

Basically, it did not mix well.

Each week of January 2020 was absolutely crazy. From the dispute with USA and Iran to the Philippine's Taal Volcano erupting and spewing ash, to the Coronavirus epidemic and Kobe Bryant passing away suddenly, it was wild. I haven't even noted the wildest one yet. The JaDine breakup. I know, I know, some issues are bigger than others. Through the eyes of the internet though, an issue is an issue and opinions are thrown and emotions run high. Especially, Twitter.

No hate on Twitter, it is a beautiful place where you can finds pockets of sunshine and actual proper discussions, but man, does negativity spread like wildfire.

A good friend of mine once said that when he opened Twitter after quite a long time out, he just wanted to drop out and delete the app again. The absolute mudslinging and dumpster fire that the users have dealt has been draining, and I knew that it's about time to do the same thing I did with the other apps and what my friend suggested -- delete the app.

Worth it.

I'm only really able to do this, because I'm not really that active or dependent on the platforms. I find more joy on messaging apps as my way of connecting with others.

By saying no to some stuff (social media, in my case), I had the opportunity say yes to other things. A good example was my time. Since I had no Facebook feed to aimlessly scroll through or check notifications on, I was able to spend my time on other things that held more value for me. Not to mention, I kept my distance from the social toxicity of free speech that is abused and thrown around. By saying no to aimless scrolling on draining content, I now have the ability to say yes to intentional uplifting, beneficial content that I honestly like.

I branched out to podcasts, books, and videos. I got to listen to some great sermons by international Christian speakers, to football related content, to watch some fun films, and read a bit on finances and self-help. I was consuming some great stuff and found myself establishing a routine. Inside me, habits were being built and it's all thanks to unforced discipline.

It was kinda forced, since the toxicity drove me to do some measures of detox. Nevertheless, my heart and character got better nourishment. I was finally spending my time and energy on things that I actually really like and value! It's very freeing and nice. Freeing to the point, I was being drifted back to this place.

Again, I'm back. This is wonderful. The past 4 months have been wild, but it has been great in disciplining me and manifesting an overflow of my thoughts and learnings from quite a lot of stuff. As I create, I continue to consume properly. It's now going to be a struggle to balance. A balance that I am willing to grasp and be responsible of.

I relay these messages now to you, reader. Thank you for lending me your valuable, precious time. I hope I was able to bring some value in exchange. I wish you good health and happy consuming.

Much love.

P.S. If you wanna do a social media detox since it has been draining, maybe 3-4 months isn't the best thing. Hahaha! Take it easy and slow. Just a few days would work. :)

P.P.S. Some suggestions for better consumption:

Podcasts - Bo Sanchez Radio (check out his Fulltank series that talks about the Gospel for the day in a personalized way), The Joncast (by Jon Jorgenson), Craig Groeschel Leadership Podcast (as the title suggests, for leadership building)

Enjoy!

[patrickdelacrz]

Coins Inserted: I'm back!

Hey, readers!

I missed this! Thanks for joining me on this.

Man, it's been around 4 months since my last write-up. If you didn't notice me not posting, well here I am! Haha! If you did notice and missed my thoughts, well thank you, I appreciate that. This will be just a quick update on what's been going on with me!

Mainly life just happened, with school, church and me transferring dorms. A bit of a long story, honestly. I might even do a write-up on that if anyone's interested. My mind was set on other things that I didn't really have the words to write for the blog. It's not that I didn't really have the big reason why I'm doing it, I just needed better fuel to actually keep writing. That's when January of this year came and I had this call to delete my social media apps and fast indefinitely.

There's been much controversy ever since the year started, so abstaining from it helped me moderate the time I use for scrolling and actually seeking content that I truly liked and valued. (More on this social media fast soon!) From there, I would start small by going to the people closest to my heart and have long, beautiful conversations about my learnings. So that I won't be pressured in sharing in such a big platform where I don't even know who reads my content, and also that I can have my thoughts incubated and properly chewed in order to honestly say to myself that I believe in this.

I'm now here, though. What does that mean? I guess you could say those incubated thoughts have overflowed in my heart and beckoned me to create. It's that condition where it's time to lessen on consuming and increase on creating. I said, lessening on consuming because you can't give what you don't have. Intentionally learning from a point of humility is the way to go to grow and never go stale.

The overflow has reached here and you could say it's due to the worldwide quarantine we're all going through (which I also plan to write on!). Nevertheless, I'm back and excited to bring valuable content from the articles, sermons, events, and news that I've dived into! This is to bring you, reader, a fresh perspective on topics from the eyes of a 20 year old guy from the Philippines. I hope you understand the message that I convey and possibly be a conversation starter for you with friends, family, or loved ones.

Lastly, I would love to have you send me a message or e-mail if you have any comments or negative reactions to what I said. It would be really cool to have a conversation about it! :)

Thanks, guys.

P.S. I might not do an every week posting of write-ups. I'll go slow for the time being, since I'm just getting back into it. Cool beans.

P.P.S. Future topics, you ask? We're still currently on quarantine and I would love to offer some of my kinda late thoughts on the subject. Be on the lookout for that one! :) besides that, the social media fast, my house transfers, and the difference between a winner and a champion. Cool beans (1).

[patrickdelacrz]

You are [BLANK] years away from your breakthrough! pt. 2

'Your breakthrough'

Last week, we talked about the time allotted for this dream, this breakthrough you have in your heart. Now you have to realize that as much as it's necessary to think about the time and work and all, it's also necessary to remember that you're only human.

Along with the work you apply, remember you are only human and you need rest. That's when you wait. "But how? My works won't write itself, my bass won't play itself, my art won't art itself, my business won't business itself?" I used that incorrectly, but that's not the point. You can only do so much and it's okay to take a break.

You will make mistakes, for sure. You might play the wrong notes, lose some rounds, fall back into square one, and that's okay.

Look back on the title. Sometimes (most times actually, especially for me) we tend to focus on the "years away" part. And sometimes we focus on the 'breakthrough' part. It will take time. Lots of it. It will take energy. Oh, yes. However, I can assure you that it won't all be in vain. What you're doing will be huge and amazing.

What's happening now is as big of an achievement as the one when you get that medal, that recognition, that done deal. Have your goal in mind and you'll find yourself smiling and getting back into it.

It will arrive. Years away may even be months away, weeks away, days away. Just keep going. The fact the word 'breakthrough' is on the sentence means it exists. Honestly, this is all just a message of assurance to hold on to the glimmer and hold hope.

Your breakthrough is excited to meet you! You've already started; you're well on your way to greatness.

[patrickdelacrz]

You are [BLANK] years away from your breakthrough! Pt. 1

'Years away'

(This is a two-part message. Lol nice.)

What?! 4 more years until this business booms?

What?! 5 more years taking up medicine in med school?

What?! 6 more years until I can go abroad and hang with my friends?

Yes. Yes. And, yes. It obviously takes time and effort. I mean, isn't this what you wanted?

"Yeah, but like I want to get there as soon as possible."

So, basically instant success.

There is no such thing as instant success. When you start taking up judo/jiu-jitsu (a kind of Brazilian martial art) classes, you don't become the master instantly. You are the student starting on the white belt. And when the master sees your improvement along time, you become a yellow belt, and soon enough you get your stripes to go into green belt, and so on until the black belts.

When you commute for the first time, it is a scary thought "what if I get lost?" We've all been there and just as long as you know the destination, you'll be fine. You might ride the wrong jeepneys, take the wrong turns, but once you arrive at your destination, you get this sense of accomplishment. Soon enough, you'll love commuting. You know the ins and outs of the neighborhood and then the city's.

Muscle memory is doing the same thing over and over again until you're used to doing that exact thing. And when you think about it, this is one of the most fun stage(s) of your life. Where you're constantly learning new things, getting the joy out the little victories, and also honing those skills to be even sharper and more exact. What's important is you focus on what's at hand and honestly. Love. The. Process.

A harvest doesn't happen when you're still in the planting stage. Respect your limitations and realize you have a long way to go, but that's okay.

Humble yourself, you're still growing. No matter what, you are still.

[patrickdelacrz]

Value Me Please

Sow an act, reap a habit. Sow a habit, reap a character. Sow a character, reap a destiny.

One of the greatest fears most of us have is the fear of not being good enough. The thought of not amounting to anything in the future cripples our thinking to the point of unbelief. Why is that so?

There's this saying that your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow. How we act today relies greatly on our beliefs; and for most of us, our beliefs rely on either our happiness or what others think.

See, the two are different because you can't base your happiness on what others think. Ideally, what others think depends on your happiness. Why? Well, the difference there is your scope of control.

You can't control what others think. That's their opinion of you. Whether or not they saw good or bad from their interaction with you, shouldn't affect you to the point of lost sleep. Their image of you isn't 100% certain on your true character, however it does show a small portion of that true character that only you truly know about.

What you can control now is your happiness. Ask yourself what makes you happy. Is it being with a group of friends that you have to change your personality for in order to fit in? Is it getting good grades in order to be on top? Or is it getting an awesome salary from your job that you could buy anything and everything you want?

Or is it something more? Or something less? Less in grandeur, less in vanity, less on... Self?

What if your happiness was on the things relatively smaller, like having a nice dinner with your family. Watching a movie or playing a video game. Maybe even just petting a dog that you saw on the street. What matters at the end of the day isn't your achievements, or your status in life, but how happy you are amidst the process.

If you're not happy and put other people's happiness ahead of yours, you're setting yourself up to hit a brick wall eventually.

A masterpiece wasn't made instantly. Rome wasn't built in a day. What more, you? Who is a person destined for greatness. Even when you fail.

[patrickdelacrz]

Cancelling Cancel Culture

Here's my two cents.

'Cancel culture', at its core, is good. When you see someone use their strength as a person, whatever the gender, socioeconomic status or age, for something evil, you call them out because you care about them, yourself, and the people around.

You want them to be better. You want them to live harmoniously with everyone else around.

But it doesn't stop there. You go out of your way to make this person not feel alienated. Nagkamali siya, kaya ngayon ipaalala mo na tao lang siya at nagkakamali naman talaga ang tao. Walang perpekto, diba?

It's okay to make mistakes. It's human to make mistakes. Imagine if you were in their shoes. You're not perfect as well, you've made some mistakes, but those mistakes don't define your entirety. Now you know better, now you know the truth, you then aim for betterment.

Hope in other people, support their hearts so they can live life happier. And so will other people hope in you and support you to become the person you were meant to be. Find those people. Treasure them. And hope in other people again, as you walk each day a little closer to where you were meant to be.

Sounds tiring, I know. But life was meant to be shared, not kept to one's self. When all is said and done, love is the goal. Love is the method, because only love fulfills.

Go, you.

[patrickdelacrz]

iv. Weirdo

Sa ngayon ay paguusapan natin ang kwentong 'Ang Lohika ng mga Bula ng Sabon' na isinulat ni Luna Sicat-Cleto. Aaminin ko, ito na ata ang isa sa pinaka nahirapan akong basahin na kwento. Maikli lang ito at kayang basahin sa isang upuan. Ang nangyari sa akin ay palipat-lipat ako ng upuan. Sa eskwelahan, sa upuan ng bus, sa aking kama at ang upuan sa may lamesa. Nako, hindi ko alam kung matatapos ko. At nang matapos ko, sigurado ba akong naintindihan ko ang ipnahihiwatig ng manunulat? Mabibigyan ko ba ng taos-pusong respeto ang panunulat na inilahad? Hindi na ata kasi kahit ilang ulit ko, nabblanko pa rin ako. Ganun lang nang dumating ang Oktubre.

Ito na ang mga panahon sa mga nakaraang taon ay lagi akong nalulungko. Simula 2017, nawawalang gana umaksyon, magsulat, mag-isip, at gusto lang mapag-isa. Dun yung mga oras na nakonsuma na ng mga kailangan gawin sa paaralan o kaya sa pagpasa ng mga dokumento sa kolehiyo ay hindi ko na kinakaya at umiiyak na lang ako. "Tulong, tulong" imik ng aking puso. Pero "tigil, tigil" banat ng aking utak. Senior year ng aking high school ay kailangan pagbalansahen ang iba't ibang bagay at dahil mga kaibigan ay bumabalanse rin ay nahanap kong sarili ko na mag-isa. Naghahanap ako ng distraksyon, para hindi mahuli, para tuloy tuloy lang at walang maubos na oras. Maging mabuti man yan o hindi, gagawin para lang sumaya. Yun ay si Sandali para sa akin.

Si Sandali ang naging temptasyon. Temptasyon na siya ay pupuntahan ko o siya mismo ang pupunta para naman sumaya ako. Na pag sa panonood ng porn ay nalilimita lang sa loob ng kalahating oras, magpadala sa emosyon at sigawan ang kinagagalitan, at mainis lang sa mga tao sa paligid -- si Sandali lahat yun para sa akin. Dumating sa punto na siya na lang kasama ko kaya hindi ko alam kung tama pa ba ito. Tumitingin na lang sa dati at sasabihin na hindi naman ito mabuti. Obvious ba? Dahil sa pagdala ko sa kanyang bulong ay patuloy akong lumalalim sa kabaliwan. Nababaliw dahil ako lang ang nandun para sa sarili, ako na lang ang nagpapasaya sa sarili, kasi takot na takot ako sa iisipin ng iba.

Si Sandali sa kwento ay may pagka-temptasyon, pero sa totoo ay imahinaryong kaibigan lang talaga siya. Kathang isip na nagiging kaibigan, kalaban at kasintahan. Dati, sinapak ako sa gilid ng ulo ng isang lalaking may tama dahil sa droga. Malapit pa yun sa bahay namin at noong nangyari yun, hindi ko alam ano gagawin ko. Tako na takot. Yung kabaliwan ko nun hindi natapos noong araw na yun. Tumuloy ng ilang buwan. Na tuwing dumadaan ako sa kalsada na yun na malapit sa bahay namin ay iniisip kong sinasapak ko rin siya, binubugbog, sinisira yung mukha. Tangina niya. Tangina niya. Tangina. Tangina. Naninilim mata ko at hindi ko alam na gusto ko nang umiyak sa mga oras na yun kasi alam kong mali yun. Ang lakas ko magdasal pero alam ko sa sarili ko na ipnagdadasal ko na mabugbog ko siya pabalik.

Hindi ko siguro maiintindihan ng buo yung kwento ni Sicat-Cleto, pero sa ibang panahon ay naranasan ko na ang naranasan ng karakter. Wala akong depresyon, akala ko lang. Posibleng nagkaroon ng Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, pero di ko rin masasabi. Ang masasabi ko lang ay bumulong na rin sa akin si Sandali. Sa ayaw at sa gustuhin ng tao, ay bubulong din si Sandali sa inyo. Kahit papano ay sasamahan ka niya. Pero wala siyang pake. Ang hanap niya lang ay makasama ka. Ng sandali.

[patrickdelacrz]

Si Lolo at ang kanyang kaibigan - Maikling Kwento

Miss ko na lolo ko.

Hindi strikto, hindi katulad ng mga naririnig ko sa iba kong tropa na sa lolo nilang may bakal na kamay. Tumaas lang boses ng kaunti, napapaihi na sa shorts. Lolo ko naman kung tumawa, wagas. Rinig sa kabilang barangay. Ang ngiti hanggang Estados Unidos. Nakakatuwa, nakakamiss.

'Di pa naman siya patay, nasa malayong lugar nga lang kaya ang lakas ng epekto sa akin na hindi ko na siya nakita simulang 10 taon na. Mga natatandaan ko na lang yung mga kwento niya puno ng tawa at wisyo.

"Galing sa mga sulok ng Mandaluyong, doon ako lumaki. Kasama ang aking mga barkada ay napapagalitan ng mga magulang at pulis. Tambay dito, tambay doon, yan ang jam namin. Basta lang wag kaming tawaging batang hamog. Bastusan na yun."

"Isang mainit na hapon sa kalsadang Nueve ay umiinom lang kami ni Ricky. Tubig! 'Wag ka uminom ng alak, bata ka pa, Gabriel." Tumango lang ako, tinatago ang tawa at hiya. "Sarili lang pinapansin namin nang may dumaan na gandang babaeng naghihintay ng jeep. Napatingin kami, walang malisya. Parang yung kanta niyo ngayon. Nadarang sa apoy? Lumiyab ang puso namin ni Ricky. 'Ganda niyo oh, pre! Sabi ko, 'Ah talaga, sasabihin mo rin ba mainit yung panahon at may dalawa tayong tenga? Alam ko na kasi yun, tol. Pabayaan mo muna ako.' Biglang naglakad ang babae, papunta sa amin!"

"Mundo'y bumagal ang ikot at mistulang napalipad ang isipan at damdamin. Tapos biglang, dumura? Ha? Tas isa pa? Sa kalsada pa? Yun pala may kendi ningunguya, at sabay dinura. Yung pangalawa, inuubo pala siya. Tinapon niya pa ang wrapper sa daan. Labas naman siya ng sigarilyo. Okay lang naman sana hangga't ako rin sumabay sa kanya. Tanong ni Ricky sa akin, 'Ano ginagawa niya?' Tinaas niya boses niya, sabay lingon sa babae, 'Te, may basurahan diyan sa tabi oh.' Sumagot! Nako po. 'Pake mo ba, hamog?' Grabe, nandilim ata paningin ko o ni Ricky, 'di ko na matandaan. Bastusin ba kami at ang paligid? May pake naman talaga kami sa paligid kasi ito yung tinitirhan namin. Ginaya niya lang yung basurahan sa tabi. Baho ng lumabas sa bibig nang minura pa kami pandagdag. Rinig lang namin yung salitang h, sira na araw namin at imahe niya sa amin."

Sakto binigyan ako ng bagong selpon noong nakaraang pasko, at malipas 6 na buwan, wala, ako si burara, nawala. Bili ng bago, 3 buwan naman, nahulog. Basag. Nagbago na tingin ko doon kasi ang hirap magbasa, hindi na katulad ng dati na may kilig pa, saya. Ngayon, nang masira, nawala na ang kilig, medyo yung pake nga rin eh. Sira na rin naman. Parang yung babae sa kwento ni Lolo.

"Nalungkot lang talaga ako noon pati si Ricky. Alam naman namin hindi kami ganun. Kilala ko sarili ko, 'di ako hamog, 'di ako dukha. May kwento ako, kahit and pananamit ay hindi plantsado o makabago. Tsinelas kong abusado na sa iilang laro tulad ng tumbang preso o tayaan. Shorts na maliban sa tatlong butas na talaga naman dapat may butas, ay meron din sa likod at harap. Tago naman si Junnie boon, 'wag ka mag-alala." Tawa kami na may kaunting diri. Patawa talaga si Lo, kahit kailan. Tinuloy niya na, pero mas seryoso at may halong lungkot sa tono. "Nagtapos kami hayskul noon, si Ricky yung isa sa honors habang ako bise presidente ng student council. Ang dami namin naambag na kalokohan, mula sa pagalitan ng pulis sa pagtamabay eh, ay alam pa rin namin ang aming lugar."

"Ang pait lang na yung isang babae na hindi kami alam at ang aming pinagdaanan ay may lakas ng loob bumitaw ng ganoong salita. Sa linis ng kanyang kutis ay nagpakita ang puso na parang itim na pusa. Puno na kamalasan at masamang espiritu and dumating nang dumaan siya. 'Di ko alam kwento niya, at bakit niya ito nasabi. Yun na lang iniisip ko habang pauwi. Hinalikan sila mama sa pisngi, nakinig sa radyo ng mga balita patungkol sa mga digmaan at giyera, kumain ng hapunan, at matapos ay bumalik sa kwarto. Pahiga na dapat nasulyapan ko ang sarili sa salamin. Pandak, malaki ang tiyan, kulay tsokolate and kutis. Parang tuldok. Yun ang pang-asar sa akin eh. Maliban doon, may isa pa ako napansin. Sa mata. Luha?

'Bakit ako umiiyak?' Tanong ko sa sarili. Itsurang hamog ba talaga ako? Porke ba ganito ang itsura, yun lang ang pakay ko? Hindi naman siguro. Pinaniwalaan ko na may mas marami pang ganap na hindi lang nakabase sa pananamit ko't itsura. And importante ang nasa loob. Kasi doon makikita ang katotohanan at magandang kwento at isip. Maging totoo ka kung sino ka at maging mabuti kang anak, kapatid, mamamayan, tao. Kasi ganun tayo lahat." Sabay labas ng maliit na kahon at binigay ito sa akin. "Maligayang pasko, apo. Mahal kita." Pagbukas ko, snowglobe ang laman. Ang presko ng hangin sa labas, magpapahinga na ako. May simbang gabi pa kami pupuntahan.

[patrickdelacrz]

iii. Mabuo-buo

Naniniwala ako na sa lahat ng bagay, kahit ano man yan -- maging maliit o malaki, may kasarian o wala, nagbibigay tuwa o lungkot o inis o diri, ay may matututunan ka. Kahit papano. Kahit ang usapan ay dumi. Dumi na nanggagaling sa buhay na anyo. Lumalabas sa ilalim. Natin. Sa may bandang likod. Oo na, nalarawan na siguro sa isip mo yung tinutukoy ko.

Tae. Sinabi pa talaga eh 'no? Sige, jebs na lang. O ebak. Tama na nga.

Yun lang din naman pinaguusapan sa binasa kong maikling kwento na isinulat ni Nancy Kimuell-Gabriel. Bago tayo magpatuloy sa kwentong libangan, kailangan natin ipakilala ang may-akda. Mas madaling intindihin ang akda kung maintindihan muna ang konteksto ng teksto. At ang kanyang kabilangan sa pagiging aktibista ay makikita sa kanyang panunulat. Lalo sa huling mga talata ng kwento ito ay mapapansin. Ang isang manunulat kasi ay nagpapahiwatig, nagdadala ng hindi lang emosyon, pero paniniwala sa kanyang mga salita. Hindi ba tuwing nagsasalita ka at may sinabi kang hindi ka naman kunbinsado ay naiilang ka kung nagiging totoo ka ba sa sarili?

Dito ay mapapansin ang totoong paniniwala ng may-akda base sa mga karanasan niyang mali at nakakalungkot (at nakakadiri). Ang isa sa kayang gawin ng manunulat ay magimplumensiya ng mambabasa sa kanyang sinasabi at buksan ang mata't kamay para gumalaw ang sambayanan papunta sa kaayusan.

Ikatlong gantimpala ang karangalan na naitanggap ni Gng. Kimuell-Gabriel dito nang dahil sa pagpokus sa isang bagay na ginagawa ng tao o hayop, maliban sa kumain at gumalaw. At sa pagsabi ko ng pagpokus ay pokus nga naman talaga, na nakikita mo na ang mga larawan niyang nakakakilabot at mapapaisip ka na "itutuloy ko pa ba 'to? Ang kadiri."

Oo, maniwala ka. Natatawa na lang ako sa ibang imahe dahil nakakadala talaga at mapapaurong na lang ako sa inuupuan. Kahit sabihin nating "creative non-fiction" ang akda, na nanggaling sa totoong karanasan na binigyan ng kaunting kalalaan, ito ay nakakalungkot na lang isipin na sa palikuran ay lumilitaw ang problema sa paligid at pamahalaan. Tandaan, aktibista itong may-akda natin, bukas kaisipan dapat. Maging sa kapital ng bansa ito binase o hindi, totoong nagaganap sa bansa, kahit sa mundo. Palagi nating pinproblema ang papasok sa bibig, ni hindi natin naiisip na kasing-bigat ng problema yun sa paglabas sa puwit. Ito ang kwento ng kahirapan na nasa ilalim ng ibang ilaw, ibang anggulo.

Ang ganda ng intensyon pagdating sa progreso pero maraming beses nanggagaling ito sa mapangit na karanasan. Dumali ang buhay ng ating mga anak at sa mga anak nila at sa mga anak nila at sa mga anak nila ay nasa isip nating 'pag tayo ay madapa, masugatan, o mabigatan. Maganda ang bunga ng kahirapan dahil dito ka mas matututo. 'Pag napaso ka sa apoy noong bata ay nakatatak na sa isip mo na masakit yun, at hindi na mauulit. Kamangmangan na ang bumalik sa nakakasakit. Kaya sensitibo siya sa kwentong kubeta. Alam niya ang sakit na dinadala nun at masasabi ay hindi kailangan maranasan pa ng iba, lalo na ang kanyang mga anak.

Sino ka ba naman kung ang bahay mo, na koleksiyon ng iba't ibang mga kwarto, ay hindi aalagaan ang kwartong hindi lagi nakikita ng tao o bisita, pero kailangang kailangan pagtapos kumain? Pansin ba na ang isang kwarto ay pwedeng makaapekto sa ibang mga kwarto kung hindi nagagawa ang layunin? Nagiging living room ba talaga ang living room kung hindi ka nakakain ng maayos sa hapagkainan o makatulog sa tintulugan? Nagiging tunay na mabait kang tao kung hindi mo inaalagaan ang relasyon mo sa pamilya? At nagiging mabait ka lang sa tao sa labas? O yung baliktad na mabait ka lang sa kilala at walang kwenta ang 'di kilala? Nagiging tirahan ba ang bahay 'pag di ka kumportable sa isang kwarto? Dahil nga tirahan mo siya, dahil nga buhay mo siya, ay dapat bigyang pansin ang lahat ng pumapasok -- maging tao, paniniwala, pagkain, gamot, at ang lahat ng lumalabas -- salita, kilos, o tae.

Tuloy lang.

Patrick

Link to original text: https://katimawaan.wordpress.com/kubeta/

[patrickdelacrz]

Heads-up!

It's been quite some time since I wrote since I've been busy with some big moves.

Literally, my family and I moved to a different city a long way from my past home. Had to handle a lot of things and juggle it with my academics and ministry in church. It's been tough, scary at times, but I'm grateful it happened.

I'm adjusting to the new house and living with my aunt as a makeshift dormitory when I have classes has been a ride, and it ain't done yet.

If you do, continually pray for me in this big move. I'll get back to writing as soon as possible, I got a new short story review coming up and something else in store, so be on the look out!

Patrick

[patrickdelacrz]

ii. Tito Benjie

Mahirap respetuhin ang sarili kapag hindi mo alam ang gusto mo at kung sino ka ba. Itong linggo ay paguusapan natin ang maikling kwento na "Dangal". Isinulat ni G. Norman Wilwayco, isang prestihiyosong manunulat na ilang beses na nanalo sa gantimpalang Palanca. May kaunting bias ako sa kanya dahil isa siyan bahista, katulad ko. Kaya hindi ko alam kung ano aasahan ko noong nabasa ko ang kwento.

Nasabi ko nga na isa siyang manunulat na kilala ng karamihan sa kanyang mga titulo, pero bakit habang binabasa ko ang kwento ay mistulang katabi ko siya. Tipong sa isang silid-aralan na wala pa ang guro, o kaya sa computer shop na naguusap ng kaswal. Ang pagbitaw niya ng mga salitang hindi mo makikita sa libro ng kanlurang bahagi ng mundo. Madaling intindihin ang sulat ni N. Wilwayco dahil ang babaw ng panunulat niya na mahihila ka lang sa bawat salitang nabibitawan niya at nahuhulog sa papel. At kung mapansin ay may mga kamalian sa pag-type. Ito ay dahil sa pagiging malaya niya hindi lamang sa pagsusulat ng kwento, pero sa pagsusulat mismo. Makasarili siya. Konsepto, isip, sulat, edit, publish, tatak Norman.

Unang mga linya pa lang ng kwento ay mapapaisip ka ano itong bagong paraan? Ibang klaseng paguusap ito and nakuha ni G. Norman na maging nakakaintindi at tsaka malalim. Kahit anong porma ng bullying ay nagaganap pa rin naman, pero naiiba lang ang midyum. Sa kwento, si Marissa ay parang nagkaroon ng mabantot na tsismis at nasilaw sa pera. Wala siyang pake dati kay Chris noong "average" lang siya, kaya noong nagkaroon ng karangyaan ang "average", dun lang siya pinansin ng mga tao kasi pake lang nila yung nakikita nila. Akala ni Chris na maayos talaga si Marissa, ngunit noong bumigay siya, wasak ang akala niya na iba si Marissa, na siya ang tunay na babae. Makatarungan, tapat sa pinaniniwalaan, at mamahalin ang tao ng totoo na hindi ipagpapalit ang katawan para sa pera. Tulad ng pagwasak ng "reputasyon" ni Marissa, ay may nasirang respeto sa sarili ang isa pang karakter -- walang iba kundi si Chris.

Wala pala talaga siyang kwenta, pinansin lang siya ng mga tao noong nagkapera at nakakakain sa canteen. Nagpapakuha ng atensyon ang bawat babae't lalaki sa kanya, pero hindi si Marissa. Akala siguro ni Chris perpekto na si Marissa, na hindi siya magbibigay tulad ng mga pakitang tao na napapansin niya sa paligid. Nagkamali siya at nawasak ang respeto sa sarili, kung meron man. Hindi naman talaga gustong ipapunta sa motel ang kanyang relasyon kay Marissa, ang gusto niya ay habang-buhay niya itong tunay na mamahalin. Iba at kwestyonable ang paraan ni Chris, pero sa dulo nito ay napakita ang tunay na kulay ni Marissa. Tuloy siguro ang butas ng buhay ni Chris sa pamamaraan ng alak, sugal at posibleng babae. Parehong landas lang siguro sa kanyang tiyahin? Sino makakaalam? Ganito na lang: Kahit anong takip ng butas, kahit saan ka maghanap ng pagmamahal galing sa mundo ay mabibigo ka lang paulit-ulit.

Bilang katoliko, naniniwala ako na walang kahit ano ay papantay sa pagmamahal na binibigay ng libre ng Diyos. At patuloy siyang magbibigay ng biyaya at pagmamahal, ngunit nasa sa atin na kung tatanggapin natin ito at ipapahalagahan at pasasalamatan na galing sa totoong nagmamahal o kaya babastusin ko siya at papanghawakan ko ang biyaya at ibabase ko ang aking sarili sa nagagawa ko at wala ng iba. Iniisip natin na pag nakamit na natin ang pagiging perpekto sa mata ng tao ay magiging masaya tayo. Doon tayo nagkakamali. Kaya nga binigay sa atin hindi dahil kaya natin, ngunit sabay nating natututunan na ang kapangyarihan ay lagi may kasamang responsibilidad at para malaman na hindi natin makokontrol lahat ng bagay. Nakakalungkot nga naman kung magkamali tayo at mawawala na respeto ng tao sa atin. Pre, hindi tayo perpekto. Tao lang tayo, nagkakamali, okay lang yun. Matututo ka naman eh. Kapag naulit mo yung pagkakamali mo ay may problema ka na talaga. Matuto sana tayong umintindi sa opinyon ng iba kasi may konting katotohanan kahit papano ang opinyon. Galing sa ibang mata maliban sa'yo yun eh, baka mas gumanda ang iyong kinalalagyan 'pag naisabuhay mo ang tama at hindi ang nararamdaman.

Magpahinga ka.

Patrick

Link to original text: https://facebook.com/notes/norman-wilwayco/dangal/444036357458/

[patrickdelacrz]

i. Hiwalay

Sa isa naming asignatura na tumatalakay sa iba't-ibang likha ng panitikan ay pinabasa sa amin ang maikling kwento na ipinamagatang 'Kasal'. Ito ay isinulat ni G. Eli Rueda Guieb III at muntikan nang manalo ang kanyang inilikha sa mga parangal ng Palanca sa literatura. Kung doon pa lang interesado na kayo, ay magugulat na lang kayo 'pag nabasa niyo na ang mga salita ng "love story" na hindi "love story".

Naririnig ko pa lang sa mga kasama ko na, "Nakakalungkot yung ending! Jusko." "Ang sakit, bakit ganun?" Hindi naman ako ganun kadali madala sa emosyon katulad ng iba kasi mas ginugusto kong isipin, intindihin muna bago maglabas ng reaksyon. Ngunit tulad lamang ng iba ay kumirot sa aking dibdib ang huling mga taludtod. Natindihan ko. Madulas. Natural. Hindi pinpwersa ang hugot, pero nandiyan ang tunay na emosyon at iniisip ng protagonista. Dito nasagot para sa akin ang tanong na paano ba masasabi na maliwanag ang kwento? Hindi siya yung tipikal na love story na paulit-ulit na natin napanood sa pelikula o nabasa sa libro. Ito naman ay iba. Ibang aspeto ng pagmamahal ay natalakay kaya nakakagulat, kasi mas naging totoo pa ito kaysa sa ibang kwentong mababaw lang ang natatalakay. May natandaan nga akong pelikula na katulad lamang nito.

Kung alam mo ang 'La La Land' na idinirekta ni G. Damien Chazelle, siguro magkakaintindihan tayo sa sasabihin ko. Hindi rin ito tipikal na "love story", ito ay kwento ng dalawang tao na may ambisyon at malakas na pangarap na umunlad sa kinalalagyan na naging magkasintahan para maging gabay para sa isa't-isa sa habol nila. Dumating sa punto na marami na ang responsibilidad at ang kanilang pagmamahal ay kailangang huminto para ang kanilang pangarap ay maging totoo. Ayaw nila maging hadlang sa isa't-isa at sa huli ay lumago sila, naging masaya sa sarili, at kahit may pagkapait sa tingin nila ay masaya pa rin sila sa tagumpay na narating nila.

Ang habol nila ay may pagkatulad, pero hindi pa rin sila parehong kwento. Ang masakit sa pagkakaiba dito ay masaya ang dalawa sa 'La La Land', eh pagdating sa 'Kasal' ay mapapakamot ka na lang sa ulo at mapapabuntong-hininga sa kapalaran nung isa ay ibang iba sa kabilang panig. Nakakalungkot kasi may posibilidad na nawala na ang lahat ng isa at nakonsuma na ng lungkot at habang ang isa ay may bagong pag-asa, muling ulit sa buhay. Saan ka pa nakakita ng magasawa, may singsing pero tila naging lubid ito sa kanila para maging masaya. Ang lapit nila, pero ang layo nila. Darating siguro sa punto na sa sunod na ilang buwan ay hahanap lang sila pareho ng panakip butas para matago ang tunay na sakit at sa huli ay wala talagang naging masaya sa transakyson na naganap.

Malungkot man isipin ay malago pa rin ang 'fixed marriages' o ang gusto kong sabihin na "pekeng pagmamahal". Pakitang tao lamang sa pamilya ng isa't-isa na sila na ang magtatapos sa problema at magiging maginhawa ang lahat. Doon sila nagkakamali. Ang kasal ay hindi isang confession booth, na pwede mong pasukan at mawawala na ang iyong mga kasalanan at matatanggal ng kabilang panig ang iyong kamalian at sala sa buhay. Ito ay pinagiisipan ng mabuti, binibigyan ng panahon at lalong lalo na ay hindi pinpwersa. Kasi ang tunay na pagmamahal ay natural lamang. Swabe pa nga eh. Hinding hindi ito pwedeng biglain. Magkakaroon lang ng mas maraming problema, luha, at sakit na hindi naman kinailangan maranasan. Lahat naman tayo pareho, sa loob, sa gitna ng ating sarili ay gusto lamang natin mahalin. At magmahal. Kasi ganun lang talaga karakter natin. Ang mahirap lang dito ay hinahanap natin sa maling lugar.

Mahalin mo sarili mo ng sapat na pupunta ka sa tama. At magandang palatandaan itong gawa ni G. Guieb na nakapag-isip ako sa kinalalagyan ko at kung tama nga ba ang lugar na kinaroroonan ko at sa mga tao na pumapaligid sa akin.

Ingat kayo.

Patrick

Link to original text: https://lvnsntsnodustollens.tumblr.com/post/156942852600/kasal-ni-eli-rueda-guieb-iii/amp