patulae

Studyblr | 25 | I want many things | Deleuzian | Currently working on: PhD Film Studies Proposal and Job Search

[patulae]

Tired of rejection.

[patulae]

Why do I always feel defeated?

[patulae]

On changing.

Big changes are happening in my life. I am calm and happy. And have a rash on the back of my head.

[patulae]

09.06.18 | London The past week have been difficult. I found myself loosing control of my feelings, of the way I treat people, of the way I live my life and work for it. And I took a break from think, found the support of my beautiful friends and understood what is going on inside me. I have decided to work to grow and be happy, and generous. Who thought it would be that simple. I found the joy of doing what I love and work for it. I have been sending my PhD proposal to professors. I have made a step forward. Cut my hair. Started doing yoga in the garden again. I can work for myself, and love myself.

[hirxeth]

Phantom Thread (2017) dir. Paul Thomas Anderson

[historyofartdaily]

Emile Vernon x Flowers

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

[delphicoracle]

getting started.

[cultof-aphrodite]

https://instagram.com/p/BjPx0U_gwa4/

[patulae]

30.05.18 | somewhere in England

Back to work on the PhD proposal after a long long break. The translation is finished, the little article writing job is going to be easier this month. I’ve had time to relax and get a grip on things. And I am getting impatient. I have a list of professors and universities, but every time I am about to send the email, I get from terribly excited to disheartened - because what if they say no? And I have postponed this for a while out of fear of being rejected. But it’s time to do this. Revising some stuff before editing my proposal and sending it off to people. I can do this. And I love this so much.

[stemcellee]

May 28 2018

Two notebooks i painted yesterday!

anyway im in like 50 different dilemmas when in reality i can’t do anything about solving any of them at this time so i should just forget about them and study instead but here i am, still trying to work out a solution that can’t be found

on the bright side i scored surprisingly high on the biochem midterm from last week

[objetpetita]

We are constructed in memory.

Gilles Deleuze quoting Fellini in The Time-Image (via objetpetita)

[tonsille]

Produrre ❤

[patulae]

Old times ❤

[patulae]

On motivation.

Turns out, I only needed a couple of things. A trip to the Photographers’ Gallery and two friends. The first one that reminded me that I should make more money to buy more 35mm film. Which means: writing more, emailing magazines, finding more commitments, writing more good stuff, sending it around, keep applying for jobs. Because I want to write cool things and take cool pictures. The two friends reminded me that I need to do things for myself. To take care of everything, one after the other, to become the person I want to be. The productive, cultivated, creative person that I want to be. For myself.

And oh, I’m getting a free haircut and I’m going full Miranda July. What a glorious world we live in.

[charlottecors]

[herzgewachse]

almost 26 and still questioning what i am doing with my life

[exhaustedscreen-deactivated2019]

The body is never in the present, it contains the before and the after, tiredness and waiting. Tiredness and waiting, even despair are the attitudes of the body. No one has gone further than Antonioni in this direction. His method: the interior through behaviour, no longer experience, but ‘what remains of past experiences’, ‘what comes afterwards, when everything has been said’, such a method necessarily proceeds via the attitude or postures of the body.

Gilles Deleuze, Cinema II (via exhaustedscreen)

[patulae]

04|05|18 Had a few terribly stressful days, got a rejection letter, cannot keep up with anything, the cat is sick (taking antibiotics now tho), and I kind of hate everything I'm doing at the moment. Translation is not finished yet, some writing is taking longer than I thought, and I just keep sending job applications. I feel stressed and hopeless, even if I know I have no reason to. But it's warm today and I have a t-shirt with hearts on my nipples.