2017 was indeed overwhelming. A lot of things have had occurred, some good most bad. I have lost people i have loved for years and closed doors for more. I have stopped myself from growing and learning, i have thrown out the wisdom out of the windows i'm leaning on as if i didn't walk through the aisle of thorns just to acquire them. I have lost myself, completely. I have drowned myself from sorrow, i have realized there's more to life i cannot conquer and those dreams i plotted for two decades will not come too soon and may not come at all. I am suffering. I am in pain. My mind haven't had enough rest for nights. It's like a kid playin and playin it gets tired yet never stops, cause it doesn't want to. I am not myself anymore. In fact, i do not know anymore who i am or who i want to be or who i should be. I don't know is the only answer i could get from the pocket full of tears cos i myself cannot understand. This head is indeed an unanswered puzzle. I am full of hate. I am full of insecurity. I am full of doubt. I am full of sadness. 2017 is indeed ain't the year for me. I just completely lost myself. There are things i haven't done and those what ifs are haunting me on sleepless nights. I cannot come to that sunshine which will enlighten me and would fix up this messy mind of mine. Cause i am a hurricane and no one would dare fix this up not even i could put up a battle with my own self, hence it would be as it is. I have travelled through dusk till dawn not shutting down my eyes to foresee the struggles along the way and to daydream of owning the goals i have since i was a little girl. I have climbed the highest mountains and went back to the cave i am hiding from. I don't know where it all went wrong, what i've done and thought to have fell down so badly. I am not expecting nor wishing. I am just hoping i wouldn't fall this bad anymore in the coming year. I'll just let it be. ✏️By Patty











