Anne

Fangirl | BAND GEEK | Hollywood Series and Korean Drama | Bookaholic | WRITES | Flawed. Astrophile. Selenophile. Crestfallen. PARIS | Dreams in sparkly pink | Lippie enthusiast | Nightmare dressed like a daydream | Wake up and Make up | Wanders in the constellation of stars, in the sea of glitters, in the galaxy of melancholy, in the world of poetry, in the passel of book pages and in the array of song lyrics. Cheerleader 💕

[patwishaannie]

2017 was indeed overwhelming. A lot of things have had occurred, some good most bad. I have lost people i have loved for years and closed doors for more. I have stopped myself from growing and learning, i have thrown out the wisdom out of the windows i'm leaning on as if i didn't walk through the aisle of thorns just to acquire them. I have lost myself, completely. I have drowned myself from sorrow, i have realized there's more to life i cannot conquer and those dreams i plotted for two decades will not come too soon and may not come at all. I am suffering. I am in pain. My mind haven't had enough rest for nights. It's like a kid playin and playin it gets tired yet never stops, cause it doesn't want to. I am not myself anymore. In fact, i do not know anymore who i am or who i want to be or who i should be. I don't know is the only answer i could get from the pocket full of tears cos i myself cannot understand. This head is indeed an unanswered puzzle. I am full of hate. I am full of insecurity. I am full of doubt. I am full of sadness. 2017 is indeed ain't the year for me. I just completely lost myself. There are things i haven't done and those what ifs are haunting me on sleepless nights. I cannot come to that sunshine which will enlighten me and would fix up this messy mind of mine. Cause i am a hurricane and no one would dare fix this up not even i could put up a battle with my own self, hence it would be as it is. I have travelled through dusk till dawn not shutting down my eyes to foresee the struggles along the way and to daydream of owning the goals i have since i was a little girl. I have climbed the highest mountains and went back to the cave i am hiding from. I don't know where it all went wrong, what i've done and thought to have fell down so badly. I am not expecting nor wishing. I am just hoping i wouldn't fall this bad anymore in the coming year. I'll just let it be. ✏️By Patty

[patwishaannie]

Here i go again!

No matter how much you try. Things will never be okay as frequent as you want 'em to be. In fact it would provide you sorrow and misery first before it gives you a taste of that "okay" you've been longing to have.

I haven't been doin okay for quite some time now and i really am sad confused lonely unmotivated stressed out depressed and such things and i canny help it, i cannot do anything to stop those. I'm just waiting for the time to fix this lonely mind of mine.

Anyways have a merry merry christmas and happy new year everyone. Stay away from the sadness i'm feeling so deeply.

[patwishaannie]

It will always always be o k a yyyy. It’s just that good things take a lil bit more time to finally occur. The past months have had been quite difficult for me to deal with. I struggled a lot to keep up with the awful things and to survive each day. I’ve had a really hard time coping up with my new life, with decision making and with adulting. It’s a battle of settling to the one you don’t want and of seeking to the one you truly desire yet risk certain opportunities. The pressures, disappointments, and rejections were just too much for me. All i’ve been doing is breathing day by day, and nothing changes. But i kept hanging on! It tested my faith, and i almost almost give up. But God really loves me, despite the negative thoughts. He keeps on showering me with blessings that i don’t deserve due to the sins and mistakes that i commit. It was really surprising how many blessings He can give in a short span of time, like He could make those blessings arrive all at once. Right now, i feel really blessed and thankful to have received such blessings in life. Thank you Lord for never leaving me and for giving me reasons to stay and to keep on believing. I can’t believe i’m saying this, but i’m really really happyyyy right now. I’ll finally get one of the things i WANT the most and all the hard work paid off. Fulfilling to know that i’m enough to the path i wanna follow. Yayyy! Just pure happiness and excitement ❤

[patwishaannie]

So here i go again, blogging about Taylor Swift. Well what can i do, she’s just like a bomb. I can’t stop myself, spending some time upon her.

So here’s the thing, I've had been reading a lot of opinions regarding her new album “reputation” and song, entitled “look what you made me do” and i have to admit that i kind of like, struggle quite a bit to understand the whole point, and the depth on that. But among all the things I've read, one opinion enlightened me to what was the song was about.

Here’s my thought, i don’t know if this is right or if it is even close from the truth but this is what i think….first off, everyone knows that Taylor is like one of those goody good person, like you’re really going to categorize her on that area. She’s also very sweet and also quite of a conservative, girl-next-door, and also everyone knows that she’s the kind of person who puts her mind and soul in creating songs based on her real-life-situations. Basically she’s a good person.

But then before this new single came out, and right after she’s done with her tours for the 1989 album, controversies spread out like a disease. She was bashed like crazy, she was accused as a fake person and such thing, and the way she writes her songs was pretty much criticized too.

She was gone for quite some time like it was plain black, no social media posts, no appearances and everything. Then hambaaam reputation, snakes, look what you made me do came out all of a sudden. So savage and shady!!

The point is, she got super hurt, like i’m pretty sure she was,this was because of all the people who tried to pull her down, and is pulling her down. 

What i don’t understand is, why do people hate on rude ones yet hate the good ones even more. People just wanna take advantage of other people’s kindness, and think that they’re less responsible of their cruel opinions just because they might not react or even if they would, it would be like that of a whisper, not enough to scare them away. Another thing, people want to drag other people down, instead of being happy for them. They would want to put you in your misery. People like hurting other people in any way that they could.... 

And Taylor got a hold of that, she was hurt but wouldn’t let the awful things and rude people drag her down from her spotlight. She’s a very smart lady, she planned everything thoroughly, the song, the album title, the music video like damn!

Haters must know that she’s gonna get up and rise back to fame using the bad things they threw at her, like okay fine, say whatever you wanna say. People just believe to whatever they want anyways, so she was like okay she is that person if that’s what they want herself to appear with but SHE DOESN’T CARE! She is a strong person, she knows who she is and she won’t let these awful awful words affect her one more time. She’s gonna stand stronger and ignore the things that wouldn’t help in any way. 

So yeah, like i don’t know, it’s just amazing how she repeated every criticisms on her video, like hell yes people she knows what you’re talking about and she doesn’t care and i wanna be like her, i wanna ignore the bricks that haters threw at me, i wanna be stronger, and believe in myself, and most especially know who i really am, and just stick with it. I should never be affected by the things that i’m going to hear from people who doesn’t even know me that much, or knows me that much BUT hate me as much as well and would do everything to pull me down.

You’re so amazing TAYLOR SWIFT. Thank you for existing. Hands down to you once again. You’re just so fucking amazing. I love you so much! You’re inspiring so many people ❤

(GIFs are not mine tho) 

[patwishaannie]

This is for the insecure souls out there, with shattered hearts, and with lost minds..who are trying so hard and keep on wandering through the labyrinth of darkness but seem to never reach the destination that they desire.

If you were like me, it all started when i entered highschool. From then on, i were able to see the world clearly and understand the concept of life.

Do you ever compare yourself to multiple people yet you always lost it? Do you ever feel like life is always against you? Do you ever feel cursed? Do you ever feel like life is so unfair? Do you ever feel so ugly? Do you ever feel so worthless? Do you ever feel so stress out? Do you ever feel so lonely? Do you ever feel so depress? Do you ever feel anxiety’s kicking in every now and then? Do you ever feel like you wanna give up? Do you ever feel like death is the only escape left for you?

Cos i did! I did all of those. I felt all of those, all at the same time. Like can you even imagine what’s going on in my head? It’s like a tornado, a hurricane, an earthquake, a massive disaster inside my head that i cannot escape from.

I just wanna say that i’m STILL STRUGGLING HARD to deal with myself but i’m TRYING and i would want you to try hard as well!

So here it goes… First off, you should never ever compare yourself to anybody, i know it’s hard for people like us but you shouldn’t. Because it feels like hell. I know it trust me. It feels like you’re torturing yourself and you cannot even do anything for it to stop and you don’t even know who to talk to.

Well, you shouldn’t do that to yoself fam, because someone will always be better, someone will always be prettier, someone will always be someone that we aren’t and we have to ACCEPT that fact because if we will not, then we’re just gonna suffer BIG TIME and no one knows except us, how difficult it is to deal with our insecurities. So you have to keep in mind that you can never be anyone else. What you are is what you are, you have to embrace your flaws and stop comparing yourself to everyone or someone that you’re not. If it ain’t too late, invest in yourself, and MAKE YOURSELF SOMEONE BETTER. Someone that you’ll be PROUD OF. Engage into activities before it’s too late, be active in almost everything as much as you can. In this way, your attention will divert into things, you wouldn’t focus on the qualities, skills, and things that you don’t have. Make yourself BUSY and HAPPY. You’ll be able to find your worth by doing so and meet people who’d help you in becoming better. It had been two decades, and believe me this is what i’ve learned. Be active, take risks, don’t be afraid and try out different things. You could stop if you don’t want it anymore, but at least you tried. I swear to you that you’re going to feel your worth even more if you are doing THINGS. Don’t just lay there and curl up in your bed, like i always do. Go out and explore this wonderful world. You could also read books if that’s what you want, but i think that going out, doing certain activities, and meeting people is the best way for us to forget all these things going on in our heads. That’s the thing that i would really really suggest for you guys to do. Just live your lives to the fullest, and you’ll forget all these awful things.

Yet the funny part is, i haven’t done any of the things that i’ve said. That’s why my thoughts are eating me alive, but i have had thought this through and i’m going to TRYYYY my very best to be the person that i would want to be and stop myself and other people from dragging myself down.

And also, always ask God about the best thing that you could do in every situation that you’re in. I’m pretty sure He will answer you in ways that He knows and in ways that you will understand. He got us always.

Just remember that we are all pretty in our own ways, we just have to FEEL it, don’t brag about it or anything. Just feel the beautiful you, that God sculpted perfectly.

✏By Patty

(photo not mine)

[patwishaannie]

How to be happyyyy? When you’ve got the smile But don’t know how to flaunt it out

How to take all the negativities away? When your life took off from positives

How to take all the self doubts away? When you question your worth every now and then When you don’t believe upon your capabilities

How to take all the insecurities away? When you look in the mirror you don’t like the reflection staring back at you When you’re not pretty nor talented. You’re nothing

How to take all the second thoughts away? When you're indecisive and you suck at decision making all the time

How to take all the ego away? When that’s all you’ve got When that’s all there’s left that’s keeping the broken you in one piece

How to take all the anxiety away? When it haunts your head every time you close your eyes When it dominates your thought like it’s the president that controls you

How to take all the depression away? When over thinking is a part of you When drowning yourself is the path you always choose

How to take all the sadness away? When you’re so used to that emotion When it completes the broken you When happiness feels wrong When you can’t find any reason to be happy

How?

✏By Patty

(photo not mine)

[patwishaannie]

I’m so in love with this green dress. So now i’m on the haunt for more green dresses ❤

[patwishaannie]

I can see myself hurting myself. That's when i realized i am my own enemy, my own demon. I cannot escape this reality, it's drowning me from above

[patwishaannie]

RIP CHESTER!!! 💔 So here's the story, everyone knows i'm fucking in love with Justin Bieber. Yet only a few knows (close frands of mine) how obsess i am with band guys. Like 60% of the songs in mah phone are rock songs....and it all started with Chester, he was like one of the first guys i ever had a biggest crush on. I started loving band guys with lotsa tattoos because of him. Like i'm freaking in love with that bad-guy-look thingy. And of course who wouldn't love his voice tho. It's like better, or as good as it was on record. He's just so freaking amazing, and it's sad that he took his own life away. But, everything's in those songs tho, the fans (including me) just stayed so blind asf that it was just a song for the fans, but everything's in there, it's like multiple pieces of suicide notes combined together to produce really good songs. It's just so sad. I'll never forget that guy tho. Love you chester! I hope you're happier now. May ur soul rest in peace ❤

[patwishaannie]

Nothing!

All your dreams r starting to drift away And you lost track of the path you wanna follow All the self-esteem that remains Melted away As sorrow comes your way You no longer know the purpose Why is it that you’re still alive What should you do What should you not? One mistake, and it will all mess up You just wanna give up You just wanna stop breathing for awhile Or for a week, month, year You just wanna see the end We will all end up to that anyways You wanna stop growing old Because you never grow up You’re blinded by the future Thinking you’ve got alot of time You look back to those wasted hours You’re still nothing as you are back then Nothing It hurts you the most, you wanna cry But then your soul emptied you with it You wanna see and feel But all you ever are, is a chagrin You’re captivated by the word bliss Then you never felt it It’s just a word, not even an air You no longer knows why you even bother To wake up To open your eyes To breathe To try To survive All you wanna do is lay down and do nothing Perhaps think yourself into a worse mood But nothing It’s just nothing It’s nothing But i fear that the most Having nothing, feeling nothing, doing nothing are absolutely terrifying How come all those dreams Achievements, travels, and journey All comes down to nothing And you ask yourself Where did you go wrong Once again, you thought you’re flying high But you’re not Now the ground’s swallowing you up And yes, you are nothing.

✏ By Patty

[patwishaannie]

How to be happy? How to take all the insecurities, doubts, and negativities away? How?

[patwishaannie]

The sun rose and so did you. You opened your eyes to yesterday. Tragic isn’t it? It has always been the same. The things and stuff going on. Like the round of a clock. It keeps on going and going. On the same circle, on the same numbers.

Nothing changes

You questioned yourself. Was it really worth it? Waking up every single day. Living like it was yesterday. You loathe changes. You fucking do. On the contrary, it angers you how it had always been the same.

Two decades it is. It had been a long journey, yet it felt longer than it really was. Looking back, you’ve got a bit of a blurry view of things. Like the same pages turned on repeat, just different ways of crumpling.

So now you’re confused. What have had occurred that will never change the fact that your soul sunk to the paradise of chagrin, to the replay button, to the midst of misery.

Wishful thinking. Like you always do. What if somewhere in neverland there’s a place for you to stay. A place as an excuse to never be surprised how things never went as planned yet foresee no changes as well. What if?

Will it be better? Will you be more satisfied to live in such place where the word change never occur and the chances of uplifting bow down to zero. Will you? Or will you close your eyes once again as dawn came and survive another day of yesterday

✏ By Patty

(photo NOT MINE tho)

[patwishaannie]

If you know me well enough or at least u follow me on my social media accounts, you'll know for a fact that i'm one of JUSTIN BIEBER'S biggest fans. I've loved him since 2009. Like i'm a cray cray fangirl, i got into some shallow fights just because of him and because of people calling him gay (why are they using gay as an insult anyway? It's the 20s now, give that up) or talentless. So justin had his first concert in the Philippines when i was in highschool, and i cried myself to sleep because i weren't able to watch him. After that i promised myself that i will not let that happen again. But life really loves fucking my life over and over again. He's going to have his second concert at the Philippines this September 30. Specifically the Purpose tour. And damn i so love that album. But as expected i wouldn't be able to watch it again, because i'm so DUKHA. If only i knew that he's going to have his concert in 2017, and not in 2018. I should've just looked for a job way earlier. And now it's too late and i wanna cry for a year or two, cos only a miracle would change the fact that i wouldn't be able to attend his concert once again. Like i'm so broke fucking broke. I hope it's going to rain money at least once but of course it wont. So yeah, i'll just cry myself to sleep and feel how unlucky i am with almost everything. I wanna be positive but in times like this, i cannot help it, but embrace my pessimist side. I'm sad. So sad!!!!

[patwishaannie]

It was the month of april and mah friends and i decided to go to some trip. It was like a graduation celebration lols so yep, we went to yel’s resort at the quezon province and hell i missed the smell of the fresh air, and the sight of the beautiful trees and the dose of vitamin sea. The place was truly beautiful, and peaceful. I feel ecstatic.

I am very much thankful for this trip. I have been engaged to that confusing stage right before graduation, i don’t know maybe i’m just pressured or what. I thought i have everything figured out but as always, life gives me a different path to walk through. I stopped caring, i became so clueless, i didn’t know what’s there ahead of me, and i am afraid it would suck so badly. I had been so mean to the only person who tries his best all the time to understand me and make me happy and that doesn’t feel right. But this trip just made me think a lil straight. I forgot about my problems, stressors, and social freaking media, and i was just focused on mahself and friends. So i tot it’s going great…

But of course life hits me hard big time again, like it always makes me so lonely and cursed and i’m being so fucking depress once again.

And so i figured maybe i just need another trip away with good people and, forgot for a while how my life never went good and as planned.

[patwishaannie]

Everything in my blog, are pieces that i wrote. Some are lyrics and lines from my fave books but 90% of the things in here, i wrote it all by mahself ❤

Just clearing that one out

[patwishaannie]

Midst of Apathy

When you prayed hard enough for something. You were just hoping for the best. You worked hard for it. You believed it would transpire. Yet it didn’t. When these things happen, it’s kinda hard to keep up the faith and all you have in your head are the why’s. You keep asking yourself where and how it went wrong.

When it’s not just your faith that it’s trynna test, cos even that little confidence that you have in you suddenly dissolves into pieces as well. When you feel like everything’s going to fall into place, finally, at least once in your life. But then you’re wrong. And life’s gonna break you hard in any way that it could.

When all you wanna do is be good and become who you should be because you worked hard to achieve it all. But the road’s seemed unfinished. It is truly a rocky journey.

When you wanna keep the faith upon Him and trust upon you. But it always always is wrong because you keep your hopes up and life will bring you down in a snap.

Now, you’re just trynna survive the freaky labyrinth. Trynna see the light if there would be. Trynna get up cos you stumbled down. Trynna keep believing cos you still know that He is up there watching you guiding you. And you’re trynna find the answer why you’re put up to multiple bullshits in life and hope and pray that it would come to an end soon.

[patwishaannie]

Cruel place we live in

People just turned this wonderful world into madness Cruel people without conscience running down the halls Releasing their inner demons Being mean, bullying, stealing, or Worse killing Crimes everywhere It happens all the damn time It becomes so common You can barely watch the news Of course you can’t All these killings for fame, power, and money What have we become Scared to go walking upon the streets when the lights dimmed down Cos life and dignity are what’s at stake You do good, because you’re clean But you’re surrounded by evil voices And now you’re dead Media showers our mind With things that shouldn’t matter And throw away those things that should God should run this world His rules, only his But when we got to live this gift of life Many of us tend to forget We should obey him and love one another Yet it becomes “i” Self-centered isn’t it? But what can you do? Trust doesn’t even exist It’s just a word not a verb You cannot trust anyone anymore not even yourself Environment’s crying out for help We have ruined it The only home that He let us see and live with What kind of sons and daughters are we What have we become How did we turn into this stone cold bodies Now i’m just waiting for everything to collapse And guessing that all these crimes and calamities all lead to one thing For us to just all die, and for this world to start all over again with love and care

✏ By Patty