Just some unholy, filthy Joel x f!reader smut in the shower...
Contains: smut, p in v, unprotected sex, creampie, rough sex, oral sex (m receiving), dom!Joel, choking, reader makes herself gag around him, dirty talk, lots of degradation and humiliation, fingering, overstimulation, praise, possessiveness, name calling (slut, whore, babygirl), size kink, hand over mouth, Joel is absolutely feral for you and fucks your brains out, jealousy, slut shaming, dom/sub dynamic, fluff, obsessive and controlling Joel, established relationship, Jackson!Joel, implied age gap
Wordcount: 6,522
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Joel gritted his teeth, pushing you forward with a little more force than necessary to signal you to approach the wall. You understood the message either way, stumbling forward rather than walking that single step.
The shower was narrow and tight, leaving barely enough room for two people to stand comfortably while soaping their bodies, but that was only more reason to minimize the space between the two of you, Joel found. Besides, he could always justify their feral behavior in the shower by claiming that he wanted to save water.
And then there was the fact that both of you, having traveled through the country for months without any running water aside from the currents the two of you had stumbled upon, definitely had a lot to catch up on. The experience of warm, clear water trickling down one's neck was something Joel had never appreciated enough before the outbreak. Now, twenty years later, living in Jackson, he had discovered it again, and he couldn't get enough of it. Especially when you joined him in the shower.
"Fuck… Joel, fuck," you whimpered, feeling his hand stall along your slit with just enough friction to kindle a small fire within you.
"I know, baby… You like that, don't you?" His nose scrunched against the back of your wet scalp, smelling your hair, which his calloused hands had already kneaded clean a few minutes prior. Well, perhaps the two of you would have to wash your bodies again after you were done here. At least, Joel could already feel sweat pooling on his brow, although it was quickly swept away by the water crackling down on your heads.
As he didn't receive an answer, he slapped your butt harshly, the noise even louder as it echoed off the high tiles of the bathroom.
"Answer me. Or I'm gonna stop right here, right now… Use your mouth. Or do I have to remind you that you got one that works pretty well." His strong arms stirred when you still hesitated to open your mouth, too focused on not losing your mind over his thumb flicking your clit to the side.
Truthfully, you were feeling a bit anxious. Not because of Joel's lingering touch, of course, but rather because you had been marked by the many times the two of you had made use of what you had during your travels across the continent.
The days had been rough, and so had the places you had slept. Tents, rancid beds in abandoned cabins, and the steel-hard floors of buildings that had once been offices and now emitted a cold dullness. Still, Joel and you were two human beings who felt attracted to each other, which was why you had often ended up trapped between your partner's broad body and the ground while his cock and fingers had driven you to your high within minutes. Those were the times when you had had to stay quiet. Not only because your moans would have bounced off the ceiling and circulated throughout the whole building like a disease, but especially because neither of you knew what creatures were strolling in the basement.
You hadn't just gotten used to keeping your voice down while Joel's hard cock was pounding your pussy, no, you had quite literally been drilled to feel your heart skip a beat whenever a noise spilled out of your throat. Most of the time, it had been Joel pressing a hand over your mouth, his grip tightening around your throat, or whatever body part of yours he could grab first. In your opinion, it wasn't surprising that you were still trained to keep your mouth shut.
Perhaps you would learn to properly enjoy yourself again after a few months in Jackson, but for now, anxiety instinctively rose in your belly every time Joel asked you to speak up or stop holding back on him.
Consequently, you didn't reply to him even after his repeated question, resulting in his large hand pulling you down by your wrist.
"Alright, you wanted it that way," he growled between clenched teeth, eyes spitting fire while your knees uncomfortably scraped the floor beneath you. "So I gotta remind ya, mhm? That you got a fuckin' mouth, and a fuckin' tongue that's supposed to move when I tell ya so. Open your mouth."
You had to tilt your head a little and flinched when you felt water drops fall right into your eyes. It definitely wasn't a suitable position to give someone a blow job, but you didn't consider rejecting your boyfriend for an instant. In fact, that thought didn't even race through your mind. Maybe this was another effect of the past months spent far out in the country. When you traveled alone with a man, saw that same face night and day, and simultaneously felt your personal need to be intimate with someone increase, there were not a lot of options.
Joel and you had made it five whole days before the two of you had shared a sleeping bag for the first time. To prevent freezing to death, of course. After that, it had become routine, letting off steam at the end of the day, finding something similar to solace.
The way you touched each other varied day to day, you figured. At times, there had been nothing soft or gentle about the way his cock had impaled your cunt, whereas other times, you had felt like what you were doing could be called making love. It hadn't just been about Joel emptying his balls inside you or releasing some endorphins, but about appreciating a close emotional proximity that didn't just serve the purpose of satisfying each other like two feral animals. Sometimes, Joel had stayed inside you longer than necessary and had even bothered to help you get dressed afterward.
But at the end of the day, despite traveling alone and without a larger group, there had always been complications, such as exhaustion, tiredness, an unsuitable sleeping place, or the stress that just wasn't wearing off no matter how much effort you put into relaxing. On some days, Joel couldn't get hard, and on other days you were too cramped to let him in. You assumed that there was some correlation to the events that had happened throughout the day, but since there was nothing you had been able to do about it, you had just accepted the way your bodies functioned and instead went to bed.
Therefore, the two of you had a lot of yearning to make up for. All those times, you had lain on your side, head full of worries and concerns you wished you could turn off like a light switch. There was the question of what to eat tomorrow, where to sleep, whether the two of you would make it out of the QZ, and which road to take without a map to guide you. The only way, at least the only way accessible to you, was to be with Joel, his cock or hands shutting your brain off for at least fifteen minutes. But when the circumstances wouldn't allow it, all you could do was think about it and wish you were someplace else.
Exactly like you were now.
Now, living in Jackson, Joel and you could fuck all day, and nobody cared. You could use every piece of furniture, spend hours touching each other's bodies without rush, and repeat it as many times as you liked in comfortable places that didn't involve wet forest soil seeping through your clothes. You were hungry for each other, it was that simple.
"Good girl," Joel now praised, eyes skimming over your widely parted lips. "Now I want ya to go slowly, babygirl. Can ya do that?"
You nodded slowly, gaze traveling along his immense manhood, which always slapped against his soft belly so seductively when the two of you had been making out for some time.
You didn't know what you craved more, kissing the faint bulge of his tummy or licking across the tip of his cock, which looked so red and plump. But since Joel made the choice for you, you shifted a little closer to him, eyes wide and glued to his cock like you were hypnotized by the beauty of his impressive length.
"Slowly. Trace the veins, baby. Like I taught you."
It wasn't like you had needed a teacher to show you how to give a blowjob, goddamnit. You had been with guys before Joel had come into your life, yet it really did feel like he had opened your world to utterly new ways of pleasing a man. Joel had a very particular idea of how you were supposed to take him into your mouth and how to stimulate his member, which you had been quick to adapt to.
He didn't do the work. This was one of the first lessons you had learned. He was more than happy to be the active one when he had you pinned on the floor beneath him, rapidly snapping his hips into yours as he fucked your brains out, but while he was receiving pleasure from you, he leaned back. Watched you, enjoyed you, relaxed.
He still told you how he wanted it and radiated a certain dominance even while doing nothing, but he mostly kept his hands to himself aside from occasionally threading them through your hair.
Joel hummed tenderly when you darted your tongue out, but apart from that, you didn't receive much affirmation that you were doing well. Which wasn't new or unfamiliar to you. At this point, it didn't unsettle you anymore, so you didn't let his silence distract you, and you licked along his bulging veins just the way he liked it. You were careful to capture all of it, every centimeter from his base up to his tip, then made your way back down.
Your knees hurt terribly, but it wasn't worse than the knife of a raider shoved into your shinbone, so you managed. The water dripping onto your face stung your eyes, but it wasn't worse than wandering through the woods in the rain with your body soaked to the bone. At least the water was warm and felt nice the moment it left your eyes to run down your face.
"Good girl. Show me your tongue," Joel commanded, placing his heavy palm on top of your head as if to pet his favorite dog. Once you had obeyed, you felt him shift his weight to his other foot in order to have a better view of your flat tongue.
"Good. Go on now. Every single vein."
He didn't have to ask you again. Licking his massive dick, showing your admiration and awe for him in such a primal and filthy way was one of your favorite things in the world. You really did feel like worshipping his manhood by affectionately trailing along every single bulging vein and the curve of him, and it was precisely how you were feeling. Besides, you had done this so many times before that it felt as though your muscles had memorized the exact shape and texture of him, his form engraved in your tongue and surely in your pussy walls as well, given the many times he had scraped his cock along your insides.
"You look really good down there, baby… Should do this in the shower more often. Makes it less dirty."
Once again, a side effect of your long journey through the wild.
After having had no choice but to watch your face get coated in his precum, your drool, and eventually even his seed, Joel liked it clean and neat nowadays. He owned towels and tissues, so why not make use of them?
"Yeah," you agreed, licking a generous stripe from his balls up his length while carefully circling the tip with your thumb.
"Okay, enough," Joel then said after a few minutes, tapping his fingers on your scalp. "Suck on it. Slowly 'n' just the tip. You're not gonna do more than I tell you, are we clear?"
"Yes, Joel," you breathed, exactly like you knew he enjoyed it.
Joel wanted order and compliance, a clear and unambiguous hierarchy and someone who listened to him without any second thoughts. He hated chaos and spontaneous choices but loved it when you did precisely what he told you. When you waited to touch his cock until he had given you permission to bring your hand closer.
The tip of his dick disappeared between your soft lips, your lashes fluttering while you gazed up at him. The problem definitely wasn't how deep he pressed against your throat walls but the water filling your eyes.
"Suck it, babygirl," Joel repeated, his lips parting just a little further as you obeyed. He was rock hard against your mouth, so you doubted that this was anything but a punishment for being unable to use your voice while you were with him, but it didn't really feel like it. Every second you got to spend with your face pressed against his center was a blessing to you, and you liked to believe that the events of the past weeks were not the only reason for your emotions regarding this. Joel was a handsome man, so anyone would be lucky to have him all to themselves.
You suckled on his tip gently, hoping that you were doing well, but you couldn't think of anything you might be failing to pay attention to right now. You didn't shift too much — Joel didn't like that — and you focused on his tip without using your tongue too extensively.
"Gosh… sweetheart. You're really good at this. I taught you well. S'almost a 'lil boring, ain't it?"
Your eyes widened, taking in his narrow, dark gaze roaming your body as if to assess what to do with you next.
"Ain't got no reason to punish you. Except for not respondin' of course. But apart from that… All I can do is tell you that you're doin' well."
Even though you wanted to tell him that you were convinced that was a good thing, you didn't dare pull away from him without his explicit command.
Instead you hollowed your cheeks, heart stumbling at the way Joel's head rested against the wall behind him, his neck flexed like his body was under high pressure. You were doing well. He liked it.
"Use your tongue. And go deeper, sweetheart. Just a 'lil bit… Halfway."
You nodded lightly, just enough to show Joel that you had understood and knew what to do, and then allowed more of him to slide down your throat. By now, you had a very good idea of how many inches you were taking based on how he felt against your throat, and stopped when his tip was about to nudge against your palate. Yes, that was how big he was.
In the beginning, he had simply been too big for both your throat and pussy, but he had made it work. That was what he had whispered in your ear while you had trembled and whimpered, your blood running cold with the fear of forever being incapable of adjusting to his size.
I'm gonna make it fit. It's gonna be okay, he had murmured, which had soothed you surprisingly well and led you to discover a new side of him. A softer, more caring one, although you had to admit that that side of him was revealed most of the time when Joel wanted something. Such as your throat and your pussy.
But now, you were skilled and your throat was trained to take more of him.
You exhaled heavily through your nose, closing your eyes as you covered your teeth with your lips.
"You're a good 'lil pet, baby… Listenin' so well… That's how I can tell that this is exactly what you're supposed to do. Where you're supposed to be."
You knew that Joel wasn't making you suck his cock to cum down your throat. He liked blowjobs, no matter if they were messy, lazy, or passionate, but this man liked to fuck. Sliding his dick past your lips was almost always just a preparation for what was to come or one of his twisted games that were supposed to teach you a lesson.
Still, you put everything into it, bobbing your head around the upper part of his cock while your tongue played with his veins and the precum gathering at his tip. You switched quickly between forceful sucks, teasing swipes across his length, and steady stimulation in the form of your stretched lips brushing against him. And Joel seemed satisfied. He had yet to say much and limited himself to occasionally grunting under his breath or cursing quietly, but you knew that if you were doing a poor job, he would have stopped you by now.
"All the way now, kitten," he suddenly said, the few words hanging in the moist air a little longer than usual because of the empty space of the shower. "I want you to gag on it. Let's make it… three times. I'm feelin' nice today."
You granted yourself a few seconds to catch your breath, knees shifting across the cold floor to find a position that was just a little bit more comfortable for your raw skin.
"Yes, Joel."
"And you know the rules. Don't push yourself too far, alright?"
Nodding again, you straightened up, trying to hide the pain shooting through your kneecaps. Perhaps Joel would have cared if you told him, but perhaps not. In any case, what did it matter? You wanted to finish what you had started in the shower with him, not on some stupid carpet or the bed.
"Three times, babygirl. If you're gonna be good, I'll let you stand, 'n' I'm gonna fuck this pussy nicely. Do you want that?"
"Yes, Joel," you whined, feeling surprised by how vocal he was being with you. Well, maybe he was just in a good mood. Or today wasn't all about getting rid of accumulated tension or anger but rather actually relishing some time shared with you.
His promise gave you the motivation to get it over with quickly so that you could have his massive, broad frame pressed against your back. You were a little cold on the ground and you really wanted to stretch out your legs before they grew even more numb.
"Go on… Show me how good you can be. How well I taught you. The water's no problem for you, is it?"
"No, Joel," you assured him, pressing his tip against your lips. "I can do it."
"I knew you would say that, sweetheart… C'mon now. Ain't got all day, mhm?"
Actually, the two of you had all day, but you presumed that Joel just used that phrasing to emphasize the fact that he was growing impatient.
"Ohh fuck… baby. That's it. All the way inside there where it belongs. Yes."
You swallowed hard, your heart thumping in your chest like it always did when you were about to consciously make yourself gag on his cock. The way your body reacted to your nervousness just didn't change, no matter how many times Joel had asked that of you.
You went deeper, deeper than your body was supposed to go. Deeper than your throat could take, but that was the plan after all. That was what Joel wanted from you.
Around three quarters of his length were snug within you when you had to close your eyes. A low growl escaped Joel's lips, which gave you the ambition to continue, and then, there it was. You choked, your body recoiling as you immediately pulled back. He was okay with that, the rules only said that you had to make yourself gag. Joel didn't care how fast you slipped him out of your mouth after that.
Cheeks burning with searing heat, you coughed a couple of times, your body losing its upright posture as you writhed and squirmed below him.
"Good… Good, baby. That was the first. You think you can give me two more?"
Of course you could. You just needed a little bit of time between each one.
"Yes," you whispered, voice raspy and coarse already after the first.
"Alright. Look at me. I don't care how deep you go, just wanna see your pretty eyes and hear ya gag. That's all."
"Yes, Joel." You brushed the wet strands hanging in your face back and tucked them behind your ears to make everything a little tidier.
Then you repeated what you had just done, all while keeping your eyes open and glued to his face. It wasn't a very unpleasant task since his features looked like they were carved by God himself and you tended to get lost in his handsome face pretty often, but your eyes still teared up. The secret to it was letting them go and accepting that your tears were running down your skin until they hit Joel's cock. But since he didn't seem to mind, you fully ignored the wetness and kept peering up at him.
That second gag was harder due to the fact that you had to concentrate on more things than just his manhood kissing the back of your throat, but you proudly managed. After your body had calmed down, the ripples and uneven coughs slowly abating, Joel reached out to snatch your chin.
"Gosh… I don't even know what to do with ya. If I should feel proud of you for listenin' so well or be disgusted by you actin' like a cheap whore."
His words sent tingles down your spine, the good and the bad ones alike. You sniffled gently, wiping your nose with the back of your hand.
"I guess I can make my peace with you bein' a cheap whore. The only thing I'm concerned about really is you bein' a slut for other men here in Jackson."
Joel absent-mindedly toyed with your hair, watching it give way to his fingers, then pulled you up by your arm all of a sudden. As you hadn't expected it at all and had just braced yourself for the last round, you squeaked and nearly lost your balance on the slippery floor. But Joel had you securely in his hold, spun you around so quickly your head throbbed, and pressed you face first against the wall.
"Joel," you whimpered, feeling so overwhelmed and maybe even a little disappointed. You would have liked to properly finish the task that you had been given, but it seemed like Joel had other plans for you.
"I didn't care about you bein' a cheap whore while we were out there…" he rambled on while nudging the tip of his cock against your tight entrance, his other hand draped around your middle to grope your tits.
"T'wasn't important 'cause we were the only ones out there. But here… they're all touch-starved, you know? You think any of these guys would reject you, baby? Fuck, even Tommy wouldn't push ya away."
You highly doubted that since his brother was happily married to Maria, but you were too distracted by his cock gathering your wetness to correct him. Joel pushed inside slowly, savoring how your walls welcomed him sluggishly, as though they weren't sure yet whether your boyfriend was a welcome guest.
"They would all fuck ya if they had the chance, babygirl. And that's okay… As long as they keep their hands to themselves and remember that you're mine. But I need you to know something for that. Do you know what?"
"W-What?" you asked breathlessly, your right cheek pressed against the wet tiles while Joel pinned both your wrists to your lower back.
All of this was so fucking obscene, so shameless and bad, but you just couldn't help but love every second. The way he was talking about you, like you were some valuable prize, nothing more than an object that anybody who owned it could be lucky to possess. And the way he had your body under control… how he was caging you in, using his body weight to pin you in place and his large hands to trap both your wrists in one of his. The other was free to guide his manhood deeper inside you, splitting you open on his cock, which was so thick that you were completely aware of every part of your body, your pussy first and foremost.
"I need you to know that you're mine alone. 'Cause I fuckin' dragged you through those woods, I kept you safe and I took care of ya. You're mine. So you're not gonna act like a cheap whore around them, is that clear? Not on Saturday at Tommy's birthday party, not on New Year's Eve and not at any event in the future."
He was all the way inside you now, and you felt his hips grind against yours, giving you a taste of him without thrusting yet.
"You can be a cheap whore around me, but not around them. I want every man to know that this pussy's mine. I don't care what I gotta do to achieve that, princess."
Joel started moving so abruptly that you choked on your spit and coughed a few times while his pelvis crashed into yours.
"Owww…" you howled, your hands wriggling under his grasp, but he only tightened it in response. You were a little frightened of slipping on the wet floor with your hands unable to support your fall, but at the same time, you trusted Joel enough to know that he would catch you before your head hit the wall.
"That's it, baby. Scream louder and they're all gonna hear… I don't care what it takes. I need them to stay the hell away from ya. Do you know why?"
As he no longer needed his hand to push his cock inside you, Joel brought it back to your breasts, pinching your sore nipples a few times before reaching for your throat, which looked much too delicate for him to ignore.
"N-No," you whimpered and arched away from the tiles a little to offer him a better angle as he slammed his fat dick inside you.
"'Cause you're pretty, sweetheart. You're too pretty for your own good. You don't even know what effect you have on all those old fuckers. They probably haven't felt a thing down there for years… And now they see someone like you walk through the gates and suddenly they remember that they got a cock and how much they used to like a woman's tits."
"Joel," you yelped, not so much in reaction to his words but rather to his balls smacking your core. They were heavy and hot, ready to spill the seed they carried between your snug walls and pump you full of it.
"I know, pretty girl… It's okay. I'm gonna take care of ya. You don't need to worry your pretty little head about 'em. As long as you do as I say and behave. I'm gonna keep 'em away, protect you from them. So that we can go home every night and I can rail your tight cunt like that… That's what you like, mhm? Bein' mine… Bein' taken care of and getting fucked in your perfect pussy every day."
It was almost embarrassing how flushed with blood your cheeks were, how much adrenaline was coursing through your veins just because he had used the words mine and protect a few times. It was just that Joel couldn't have been more right, which was why you nodded and let out a desperate "Yes… Yes, please."
Joel smacked your butt harshly, interrupting his rapid thrusts for a few seconds. His fingers gripped your neck firmly, swaying your head to the side just because he could. At least, that was what it felt like to you. Like Joel wanted to put his power on display, showing you that he wasn't just in control of your body but also your feelings and who you belonged to.
"I need you, Joel," you whispered, your tone carrying so much emotional weight and meaning that your breath hitched in your throat, fresh tears welling on your waterline.
"I know you do. You depend on me. Ever since I saved ya from those raiders in Kansas City. So you're gonna stay mine. No matter how many men I gotta scare away. I'll be happy to do that, princess."
Joel nudged his nose against the back of your head, your scent somehow different than before when he had fucked you against a tree or a stained mattress, but through the smell of the soap it was still you. Through every fiber.
Joel liked to think of the two of you as linked souls. After all those times he had put his hands on you, left his mark on you in the form of filling you up with his cum or driving his teeth into your neck, you were clearly carrying his scent in such a profound manner that you would never be able to scrub it off your body. The way he had claimed you seeped through all those layers, through your skin and bones right into the depths of your heart.
"Joel, s-so much," you stuttered, finally a little more unrestrained in how you talked to him. "So much, Joel, fuck…"
He gently squeezed your throat, his rough skin feeling obscenely hard against your much softer one. That was just another perk of being with him, Joel found. He kept you safe, threw himself between you and a raging infected to drive his knife into its throat before it could attack you.
Consequently, his skin became raw and coarse from gripping the handle of his gun or the handle of his knife tightly, whereas yours remained smooth like silk. It was your beauty against your safety, and you were happy to let him touch your flawless skin if it meant being protected by that man who sometimes resembled a large bear more than a man. At least you thought that way while watching him fight off infected or raiders.
"It's okay, baby… Let it happen, alright? Let daddy in… just like that, yeah."
He felt you loosen up underneath his grasp, your neck stopping its flexing and your body hunching forward. Joel immediately seized that little space, just like he wanted to occupy every part of your life, and stepped closer, your whole front pressed against the cold wall. With his hot, muscular body right behind you, it was endurable, though. It was more than endurable. The sensation was incredible, the contrast so sharp that you forgot everything about time and space, who you were and where up and down were. His hand constricting your airflow only made it more intense.
"That's it, sweetheart… Just like that. S'what it's supposed to feel like, you understand that? Just like this. And no one else can give you that. None of these men eyein' you up and down like you're some piece of fresh meat. They wouldn't make it feel like that. Only I can. Only I know your body like that."
The hand around your wrists relaxed its tight grasp, allowing you to dangle them at your sides. When you felt his hand at your pussy, you understood why he had released you. The quick, pointed swipes over your clit made your knees buckle at once, your hands slamming against the wall for support.
"Shh… I know. Look at you… So beautifully responsive. Just like a 'lil slut's supposed to be. S'how I know that you're only supposed to be my slut. 'Cause I hear how your pretty pussy cries for me."
He was probably referring to the primal noises his dick inside you produced, or maybe to his finger circling your clit. You didn't know, and you didn't care. All you cared about was getting him to go even deeper, no matter if it was physically possible or not.
As his hand tightened around your throat, you desperately pawed at his hairy thighs behind you, both pushing him away and pulling him closer. Your mind was somewhere else, body and brain separated in a way that made your words, your actions and your thoughts fail to align. There was chaos everywhere, which was why you could count yourself lucky that the man behind you hated chaos. He was there to fix it and bring order to the mess that you were.
"J-Joel," you cried against the firm hold he had on your neck, mouth falling open when he began to synchronize the touch of his thumb with the thrusts of his cock. Sometimes he waited for a beat, just watching you quiver and whimper with an evil grin on his lips, then delivered a few borderline painful thrusts inside you and set off a firework of pleasure across your clit. That was when your muscles slackened and you would have fallen to the ground had Joel not pushed you into the wall with his whole weight.
"Perfect princess… Almost like a 'lil fucktoy, jesus… I really just wanna wrap ya up when I'm done with you and throw you onto the bed. Fuck your brains out 'til my cock's gonna be drained for days. I know you'd take it all. I know your weak 'lil body would pass out on me but you'd still be cryin' my name in your sleep. Your pussy would still suck me in like the greedy 'lil thing she is. Ain't that right, sugarplum?"
By now, you were letting the tears flow as they mixed with the water streaming down the wall. You couldn't perceive any of it. Not the temperature of the water, not the color of the tiles, not even his words. It was probably for the better since they would have made you spiral even harder than you already were and you might have fallen into some sort of pleasure coma. If something like that existed.
"Your body was fuckin' made for me, baby… And I don't like sharin' ya with anyone. S'why I don't like this very much…" Joel yanked you back by your neck, pinning your head against his collarbone to get a look at the tears relentlessly trickling down your cheeks.
"I like havin' this shower and getting to fuck ya as many times as I want to. But I don't like these people here… I don't even want 'em to see ya. It'll only get their minds goin'. I can see in their faces what they're thinkin' about but I can't do anything about it. 'Cause unfortunately, they're allowed to watch… they can think about all the positions they'd like to fuck you in… And it drives me really fuckin' mad, babygirl. I wish I could just lock you in the house like a good 'lil pet that waits for me when I come home."
You howled as his hand gently swatted your throbbing clit before you finally came with a weak sob. In response, Joel pressed his hand over your mouth, not to conceal what the two of you were doing in the shower the way he had been forced to during your time in the woods. He just did it… because he could. Because he liked to hear your broken weeping muffled by his heavy palm that swallowed most of your face.
"That's it, princess. Like that, you 'lil slut. Soak my cock, fuck… squeezin' me so fuckin' good."
His grip grew narrower as Joel approached his orgasm. His nails dug into your flesh, surely leaving a mark or two, but since you were still floating on a cloud, you barely felt the pain.
He brutally forced his cock between your fluttering walls, which always clamped during your high. But Joel showed no mercy. He wanted his cum to reach every last corner of your insides, paint your cervix and preferably shoot so deeply inside you that none of it would leak out after he had pulled out. Therefore, he used a bit of his strength and drove his hips into yours even as you were whimpering in pain, fighting your body's urge to cramp up.
"Sh, baby. Shh, relax for daddy. Holy shit… Your pussy's such a naughty 'lil thing, ain't she?" Joel seized your hands once more, holding them behind your back to stop you from pushing against his hips. "First, she's beggin' me to destroy 'er and now that daddy's pumpin' 'er full, she's clenchin' so hard, barely lettin' me in… Or maybe she likes it that way, mhm? Likes when it hurts a little."
"Owww," you yelped, toes curling at the sting that spread through your lower tummy as Joel went way past your limits over and over, opening you up with no regard for the sensitivity and soreness diffusing in your core after your orgasm.
At some point, you found yourself wondering how much longer it was going to take until he finished, but it seemed like Joel was drawing out the moment as long as he physically could.
Then, it was over all of a sudden, and for a split second, you wished nothing more than for him to slip back inside. Not only did you feel cold, but your cunt was also clenching desperately, searching for something to hold onto.
"Joel," you whispered. Something was still rolling down your face, but at this point, it could be either your tears or the shower water.
"Goddamnit," he cursed, smacking your backside again. "Shit, baby… I don't know what to do with ya… you got any suggestions?"
He laughed, brushing your hair back to slide his big hand down your arm.
"Need you," you pressed and gasped softly when he turned you around.
"I know you do, kitten. And that's all that matters. You don't need anything but me. That pretty head doesn't have to think of anyone but me. And I'm gonna prove it to ya as many times as it takes."
Joel's thoughts were already running fast, like the little drops coming from the shower head.
He had all the time in the world. It wasn't long past six o'clock, so he had plenty of hours before he would go to bed…
He would show it all to you.
The things he had planned in his head while traveling through the country with you, all those times he had pictured you in new positions, dressed in his favorite outfits, doing things that had technically been impossible out there.
But now the door was open, and goddamnit, he would make use of it. Now. Tomorrow. For the rest of his life.
Just some unholy, filthy Joel x f!reader smut in the shower...
Contains: smut, p in v, unprotected sex, creampie, rough sex, oral sex (m receiving), dom!Joel, choking, reader makes herself gag around him, dirty talk, lots of degradation and humiliation, fingering, overstimulation, praise, possessiveness, name calling (slut, whore, babygirl), size kink, hand over mouth, Joel is absolutely feral for you and fucks your brains out, jealousy, slut shaming, dom/sub dynamic, fluff, obsessive and controlling Joel, established relationship, Jackson!Joel, implied age gap
Wordcount: 6,522
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Joel gritted his teeth, pushing you forward with a little more force than necessary to signal you to approach the wall. You understood the message either way, stumbling forward rather than walking that single step.
The shower was narrow and tight, leaving barely enough room for two people to stand comfortably while soaping their bodies, but that was only more reason to minimize the space between the two of you, Joel found. Besides, he could always justify their feral behavior in the shower by claiming that he wanted to save water.
And then there was the fact that both of you, having traveled through the country for months without any running water aside from the currents the two of you had stumbled upon, definitely had a lot to catch up on. The experience of warm, clear water trickling down one's neck was something Joel had never appreciated enough before the outbreak. Now, twenty years later, living in Jackson, he had discovered it again, and he couldn't get enough of it. Especially when you joined him in the shower.
"Fuck… Joel, fuck," you whimpered, feeling his hand stall along your slit with just enough friction to kindle a small fire within you.
"I know, baby… You like that, don't you?" His nose scrunched against the back of your wet scalp, smelling your hair, which his calloused hands had already kneaded clean a few minutes prior. Well, perhaps the two of you would have to wash your bodies again after you were done here. At least, Joel could already feel sweat pooling on his brow, although it was quickly swept away by the water crackling down on your heads.
As he didn't receive an answer, he slapped your butt harshly, the noise even louder as it echoed off the high tiles of the bathroom.
"Answer me. Or I'm gonna stop right here, right now… Use your mouth. Or do I have to remind you that you got one that works pretty well." His strong arms stirred when you still hesitated to open your mouth, too focused on not losing your mind over his thumb flicking your clit to the side.
Truthfully, you were feeling a bit anxious. Not because of Joel's lingering touch, of course, but rather because you had been marked by the many times the two of you had made use of what you had during your travels across the continent.
The days had been rough, and so had the places you had slept. Tents, rancid beds in abandoned cabins, and the steel-hard floors of buildings that had once been offices and now emitted a cold dullness. Still, Joel and you were two human beings who felt attracted to each other, which was why you had often ended up trapped between your partner's broad body and the ground while his cock and fingers had driven you to your high within minutes. Those were the times when you had had to stay quiet. Not only because your moans would have bounced off the ceiling and circulated throughout the whole building like a disease, but especially because neither of you knew what creatures were strolling in the basement.
You hadn't just gotten used to keeping your voice down while Joel's hard cock was pounding your pussy, no, you had quite literally been drilled to feel your heart skip a beat whenever a noise spilled out of your throat. Most of the time, it had been Joel pressing a hand over your mouth, his grip tightening around your throat, or whatever body part of yours he could grab first. In your opinion, it wasn't surprising that you were still trained to keep your mouth shut.
Perhaps you would learn to properly enjoy yourself again after a few months in Jackson, but for now, anxiety instinctively rose in your belly every time Joel asked you to speak up or stop holding back on him.
Consequently, you didn't reply to him even after his repeated question, resulting in his large hand pulling you down by your wrist.
"Alright, you wanted it that way," he growled between clenched teeth, eyes spitting fire while your knees uncomfortably scraped the floor beneath you. "So I gotta remind ya, mhm? That you got a fuckin' mouth, and a fuckin' tongue that's supposed to move when I tell ya so. Open your mouth."
You had to tilt your head a little and flinched when you felt water drops fall right into your eyes. It definitely wasn't a suitable position to give someone a blow job, but you didn't consider rejecting your boyfriend for an instant. In fact, that thought didn't even race through your mind. Maybe this was another effect of the past months spent far out in the country. When you traveled alone with a man, saw that same face night and day, and simultaneously felt your personal need to be intimate with someone increase, there were not a lot of options.
Joel and you had made it five whole days before the two of you had shared a sleeping bag for the first time. To prevent freezing to death, of course. After that, it had become routine, letting off steam at the end of the day, finding something similar to solace.
The way you touched each other varied day to day, you figured. At times, there had been nothing soft or gentle about the way his cock had impaled your cunt, whereas other times, you had felt like what you were doing could be called making love. It hadn't just been about Joel emptying his balls inside you or releasing some endorphins, but about appreciating a close emotional proximity that didn't just serve the purpose of satisfying each other like two feral animals. Sometimes, Joel had stayed inside you longer than necessary and had even bothered to help you get dressed afterward.
But at the end of the day, despite traveling alone and without a larger group, there had always been complications, such as exhaustion, tiredness, an unsuitable sleeping place, or the stress that just wasn't wearing off no matter how much effort you put into relaxing. On some days, Joel couldn't get hard, and on other days you were too cramped to let him in. You assumed that there was some correlation to the events that had happened throughout the day, but since there was nothing you had been able to do about it, you had just accepted the way your bodies functioned and instead went to bed.
Therefore, the two of you had a lot of yearning to make up for. All those times, you had lain on your side, head full of worries and concerns you wished you could turn off like a light switch. There was the question of what to eat tomorrow, where to sleep, whether the two of you would make it out of the QZ, and which road to take without a map to guide you. The only way, at least the only way accessible to you, was to be with Joel, his cock or hands shutting your brain off for at least fifteen minutes. But when the circumstances wouldn't allow it, all you could do was think about it and wish you were someplace else.
Exactly like you were now.
Now, living in Jackson, Joel and you could fuck all day, and nobody cared. You could use every piece of furniture, spend hours touching each other's bodies without rush, and repeat it as many times as you liked in comfortable places that didn't involve wet forest soil seeping through your clothes. You were hungry for each other, it was that simple.
"Good girl," Joel now praised, eyes skimming over your widely parted lips. "Now I want ya to go slowly, babygirl. Can ya do that?"
You nodded slowly, gaze traveling along his immense manhood, which always slapped against his soft belly so seductively when the two of you had been making out for some time.
You didn't know what you craved more, kissing the faint bulge of his tummy or licking across the tip of his cock, which looked so red and plump. But since Joel made the choice for you, you shifted a little closer to him, eyes wide and glued to his cock like you were hypnotized by the beauty of his impressive length.
"Slowly. Trace the veins, baby. Like I taught you."
It wasn't like you had needed a teacher to show you how to give a blowjob, goddamnit. You had been with guys before Joel had come into your life, yet it really did feel like he had opened your world to utterly new ways of pleasing a man. Joel had a very particular idea of how you were supposed to take him into your mouth and how to stimulate his member, which you had been quick to adapt to.
He didn't do the work. This was one of the first lessons you had learned. He was more than happy to be the active one when he had you pinned on the floor beneath him, rapidly snapping his hips into yours as he fucked your brains out, but while he was receiving pleasure from you, he leaned back. Watched you, enjoyed you, relaxed.
He still told you how he wanted it and radiated a certain dominance even while doing nothing, but he mostly kept his hands to himself aside from occasionally threading them through your hair.
Joel hummed tenderly when you darted your tongue out, but apart from that, you didn't receive much affirmation that you were doing well. Which wasn't new or unfamiliar to you. At this point, it didn't unsettle you anymore, so you didn't let his silence distract you, and you licked along his bulging veins just the way he liked it. You were careful to capture all of it, every centimeter from his base up to his tip, then made your way back down.
Your knees hurt terribly, but it wasn't worse than the knife of a raider shoved into your shinbone, so you managed. The water dripping onto your face stung your eyes, but it wasn't worse than wandering through the woods in the rain with your body soaked to the bone. At least the water was warm and felt nice the moment it left your eyes to run down your face.
"Good girl. Show me your tongue," Joel commanded, placing his heavy palm on top of your head as if to pet his favorite dog. Once you had obeyed, you felt him shift his weight to his other foot in order to have a better view of your flat tongue.
"Good. Go on now. Every single vein."
He didn't have to ask you again. Licking his massive dick, showing your admiration and awe for him in such a primal and filthy way was one of your favorite things in the world. You really did feel like worshipping his manhood by affectionately trailing along every single bulging vein and the curve of him, and it was precisely how you were feeling. Besides, you had done this so many times before that it felt as though your muscles had memorized the exact shape and texture of him, his form engraved in your tongue and surely in your pussy walls as well, given the many times he had scraped his cock along your insides.
"You look really good down there, baby… Should do this in the shower more often. Makes it less dirty."
Once again, a side effect of your long journey through the wild.
After having had no choice but to watch your face get coated in his precum, your drool, and eventually even his seed, Joel liked it clean and neat nowadays. He owned towels and tissues, so why not make use of them?
"Yeah," you agreed, licking a generous stripe from his balls up his length while carefully circling the tip with your thumb.
"Okay, enough," Joel then said after a few minutes, tapping his fingers on your scalp. "Suck on it. Slowly 'n' just the tip. You're not gonna do more than I tell you, are we clear?"
"Yes, Joel," you breathed, exactly like you knew he enjoyed it.
Joel wanted order and compliance, a clear and unambiguous hierarchy and someone who listened to him without any second thoughts. He hated chaos and spontaneous choices but loved it when you did precisely what he told you. When you waited to touch his cock until he had given you permission to bring your hand closer.
The tip of his dick disappeared between your soft lips, your lashes fluttering while you gazed up at him. The problem definitely wasn't how deep he pressed against your throat walls but the water filling your eyes.
"Suck it, babygirl," Joel repeated, his lips parting just a little further as you obeyed. He was rock hard against your mouth, so you doubted that this was anything but a punishment for being unable to use your voice while you were with him, but it didn't really feel like it. Every second you got to spend with your face pressed against his center was a blessing to you, and you liked to believe that the events of the past weeks were not the only reason for your emotions regarding this. Joel was a handsome man, so anyone would be lucky to have him all to themselves.
You suckled on his tip gently, hoping that you were doing well, but you couldn't think of anything you might be failing to pay attention to right now. You didn't shift too much — Joel didn't like that — and you focused on his tip without using your tongue too extensively.
"Gosh… sweetheart. You're really good at this. I taught you well. S'almost a 'lil boring, ain't it?"
Your eyes widened, taking in his narrow, dark gaze roaming your body as if to assess what to do with you next.
"Ain't got no reason to punish you. Except for not respondin' of course. But apart from that… All I can do is tell you that you're doin' well."
Even though you wanted to tell him that you were convinced that was a good thing, you didn't dare pull away from him without his explicit command.
Instead you hollowed your cheeks, heart stumbling at the way Joel's head rested against the wall behind him, his neck flexed like his body was under high pressure. You were doing well. He liked it.
"Use your tongue. And go deeper, sweetheart. Just a 'lil bit… Halfway."
You nodded lightly, just enough to show Joel that you had understood and knew what to do, and then allowed more of him to slide down your throat. By now, you had a very good idea of how many inches you were taking based on how he felt against your throat, and stopped when his tip was about to nudge against your palate. Yes, that was how big he was.
In the beginning, he had simply been too big for both your throat and pussy, but he had made it work. That was what he had whispered in your ear while you had trembled and whimpered, your blood running cold with the fear of forever being incapable of adjusting to his size.
I'm gonna make it fit. It's gonna be okay, he had murmured, which had soothed you surprisingly well and led you to discover a new side of him. A softer, more caring one, although you had to admit that that side of him was revealed most of the time when Joel wanted something. Such as your throat and your pussy.
But now, you were skilled and your throat was trained to take more of him.
You exhaled heavily through your nose, closing your eyes as you covered your teeth with your lips.
"You're a good 'lil pet, baby… Listenin' so well… That's how I can tell that this is exactly what you're supposed to do. Where you're supposed to be."
You knew that Joel wasn't making you suck his cock to cum down your throat. He liked blowjobs, no matter if they were messy, lazy, or passionate, but this man liked to fuck. Sliding his dick past your lips was almost always just a preparation for what was to come or one of his twisted games that were supposed to teach you a lesson.
Still, you put everything into it, bobbing your head around the upper part of his cock while your tongue played with his veins and the precum gathering at his tip. You switched quickly between forceful sucks, teasing swipes across his length, and steady stimulation in the form of your stretched lips brushing against him. And Joel seemed satisfied. He had yet to say much and limited himself to occasionally grunting under his breath or cursing quietly, but you knew that if you were doing a poor job, he would have stopped you by now.
"All the way now, kitten," he suddenly said, the few words hanging in the moist air a little longer than usual because of the empty space of the shower. "I want you to gag on it. Let's make it… three times. I'm feelin' nice today."
You granted yourself a few seconds to catch your breath, knees shifting across the cold floor to find a position that was just a little bit more comfortable for your raw skin.
"Yes, Joel."
"And you know the rules. Don't push yourself too far, alright?"
Nodding again, you straightened up, trying to hide the pain shooting through your kneecaps. Perhaps Joel would have cared if you told him, but perhaps not. In any case, what did it matter? You wanted to finish what you had started in the shower with him, not on some stupid carpet or the bed.
"Three times, babygirl. If you're gonna be good, I'll let you stand, 'n' I'm gonna fuck this pussy nicely. Do you want that?"
"Yes, Joel," you whined, feeling surprised by how vocal he was being with you. Well, maybe he was just in a good mood. Or today wasn't all about getting rid of accumulated tension or anger but rather actually relishing some time shared with you.
His promise gave you the motivation to get it over with quickly so that you could have his massive, broad frame pressed against your back. You were a little cold on the ground and you really wanted to stretch out your legs before they grew even more numb.
"Go on… Show me how good you can be. How well I taught you. The water's no problem for you, is it?"
"No, Joel," you assured him, pressing his tip against your lips. "I can do it."
"I knew you would say that, sweetheart… C'mon now. Ain't got all day, mhm?"
Actually, the two of you had all day, but you presumed that Joel just used that phrasing to emphasize the fact that he was growing impatient.
"Ohh fuck… baby. That's it. All the way inside there where it belongs. Yes."
You swallowed hard, your heart thumping in your chest like it always did when you were about to consciously make yourself gag on his cock. The way your body reacted to your nervousness just didn't change, no matter how many times Joel had asked that of you.
You went deeper, deeper than your body was supposed to go. Deeper than your throat could take, but that was the plan after all. That was what Joel wanted from you.
Around three quarters of his length were snug within you when you had to close your eyes. A low growl escaped Joel's lips, which gave you the ambition to continue, and then, there it was. You choked, your body recoiling as you immediately pulled back. He was okay with that, the rules only said that you had to make yourself gag. Joel didn't care how fast you slipped him out of your mouth after that.
Cheeks burning with searing heat, you coughed a couple of times, your body losing its upright posture as you writhed and squirmed below him.
"Good… Good, baby. That was the first. You think you can give me two more?"
Of course you could. You just needed a little bit of time between each one.
"Yes," you whispered, voice raspy and coarse already after the first.
"Alright. Look at me. I don't care how deep you go, just wanna see your pretty eyes and hear ya gag. That's all."
"Yes, Joel." You brushed the wet strands hanging in your face back and tucked them behind your ears to make everything a little tidier.
Then you repeated what you had just done, all while keeping your eyes open and glued to his face. It wasn't a very unpleasant task since his features looked like they were carved by God himself and you tended to get lost in his handsome face pretty often, but your eyes still teared up. The secret to it was letting them go and accepting that your tears were running down your skin until they hit Joel's cock. But since he didn't seem to mind, you fully ignored the wetness and kept peering up at him.
That second gag was harder due to the fact that you had to concentrate on more things than just his manhood kissing the back of your throat, but you proudly managed. After your body had calmed down, the ripples and uneven coughs slowly abating, Joel reached out to snatch your chin.
"Gosh… I don't even know what to do with ya. If I should feel proud of you for listenin' so well or be disgusted by you actin' like a cheap whore."
His words sent tingles down your spine, the good and the bad ones alike. You sniffled gently, wiping your nose with the back of your hand.
"I guess I can make my peace with you bein' a cheap whore. The only thing I'm concerned about really is you bein' a slut for other men here in Jackson."
Joel absent-mindedly toyed with your hair, watching it give way to his fingers, then pulled you up by your arm all of a sudden. As you hadn't expected it at all and had just braced yourself for the last round, you squeaked and nearly lost your balance on the slippery floor. But Joel had you securely in his hold, spun you around so quickly your head throbbed, and pressed you face first against the wall.
"Joel," you whimpered, feeling so overwhelmed and maybe even a little disappointed. You would have liked to properly finish the task that you had been given, but it seemed like Joel had other plans for you.
"I didn't care about you bein' a cheap whore while we were out there…" he rambled on while nudging the tip of his cock against your tight entrance, his other hand draped around your middle to grope your tits.
"T'wasn't important 'cause we were the only ones out there. But here… they're all touch-starved, you know? You think any of these guys would reject you, baby? Fuck, even Tommy wouldn't push ya away."
You highly doubted that since his brother was happily married to Maria, but you were too distracted by his cock gathering your wetness to correct him. Joel pushed inside slowly, savoring how your walls welcomed him sluggishly, as though they weren't sure yet whether your boyfriend was a welcome guest.
"They would all fuck ya if they had the chance, babygirl. And that's okay… As long as they keep their hands to themselves and remember that you're mine. But I need you to know something for that. Do you know what?"
"W-What?" you asked breathlessly, your right cheek pressed against the wet tiles while Joel pinned both your wrists to your lower back.
All of this was so fucking obscene, so shameless and bad, but you just couldn't help but love every second. The way he was talking about you, like you were some valuable prize, nothing more than an object that anybody who owned it could be lucky to possess. And the way he had your body under control… how he was caging you in, using his body weight to pin you in place and his large hands to trap both your wrists in one of his. The other was free to guide his manhood deeper inside you, splitting you open on his cock, which was so thick that you were completely aware of every part of your body, your pussy first and foremost.
"I need you to know that you're mine alone. 'Cause I fuckin' dragged you through those woods, I kept you safe and I took care of ya. You're mine. So you're not gonna act like a cheap whore around them, is that clear? Not on Saturday at Tommy's birthday party, not on New Year's Eve and not at any event in the future."
He was all the way inside you now, and you felt his hips grind against yours, giving you a taste of him without thrusting yet.
"You can be a cheap whore around me, but not around them. I want every man to know that this pussy's mine. I don't care what I gotta do to achieve that, princess."
Joel started moving so abruptly that you choked on your spit and coughed a few times while his pelvis crashed into yours.
"Owww…" you howled, your hands wriggling under his grasp, but he only tightened it in response. You were a little frightened of slipping on the wet floor with your hands unable to support your fall, but at the same time, you trusted Joel enough to know that he would catch you before your head hit the wall.
"That's it, baby. Scream louder and they're all gonna hear… I don't care what it takes. I need them to stay the hell away from ya. Do you know why?"
As he no longer needed his hand to push his cock inside you, Joel brought it back to your breasts, pinching your sore nipples a few times before reaching for your throat, which looked much too delicate for him to ignore.
"N-No," you whimpered and arched away from the tiles a little to offer him a better angle as he slammed his fat dick inside you.
"'Cause you're pretty, sweetheart. You're too pretty for your own good. You don't even know what effect you have on all those old fuckers. They probably haven't felt a thing down there for years… And now they see someone like you walk through the gates and suddenly they remember that they got a cock and how much they used to like a woman's tits."
"Joel," you yelped, not so much in reaction to his words but rather to his balls smacking your core. They were heavy and hot, ready to spill the seed they carried between your snug walls and pump you full of it.
"I know, pretty girl… It's okay. I'm gonna take care of ya. You don't need to worry your pretty little head about 'em. As long as you do as I say and behave. I'm gonna keep 'em away, protect you from them. So that we can go home every night and I can rail your tight cunt like that… That's what you like, mhm? Bein' mine… Bein' taken care of and getting fucked in your perfect pussy every day."
It was almost embarrassing how flushed with blood your cheeks were, how much adrenaline was coursing through your veins just because he had used the words mine and protect a few times. It was just that Joel couldn't have been more right, which was why you nodded and let out a desperate "Yes… Yes, please."
Joel smacked your butt harshly, interrupting his rapid thrusts for a few seconds. His fingers gripped your neck firmly, swaying your head to the side just because he could. At least, that was what it felt like to you. Like Joel wanted to put his power on display, showing you that he wasn't just in control of your body but also your feelings and who you belonged to.
"I need you, Joel," you whispered, your tone carrying so much emotional weight and meaning that your breath hitched in your throat, fresh tears welling on your waterline.
"I know you do. You depend on me. Ever since I saved ya from those raiders in Kansas City. So you're gonna stay mine. No matter how many men I gotta scare away. I'll be happy to do that, princess."
Joel nudged his nose against the back of your head, your scent somehow different than before when he had fucked you against a tree or a stained mattress, but through the smell of the soap it was still you. Through every fiber.
Joel liked to think of the two of you as linked souls. After all those times he had put his hands on you, left his mark on you in the form of filling you up with his cum or driving his teeth into your neck, you were clearly carrying his scent in such a profound manner that you would never be able to scrub it off your body. The way he had claimed you seeped through all those layers, through your skin and bones right into the depths of your heart.
"Joel, s-so much," you stuttered, finally a little more unrestrained in how you talked to him. "So much, Joel, fuck…"
He gently squeezed your throat, his rough skin feeling obscenely hard against your much softer one. That was just another perk of being with him, Joel found. He kept you safe, threw himself between you and a raging infected to drive his knife into its throat before it could attack you.
Consequently, his skin became raw and coarse from gripping the handle of his gun or the handle of his knife tightly, whereas yours remained smooth like silk. It was your beauty against your safety, and you were happy to let him touch your flawless skin if it meant being protected by that man who sometimes resembled a large bear more than a man. At least you thought that way while watching him fight off infected or raiders.
"It's okay, baby… Let it happen, alright? Let daddy in… just like that, yeah."
He felt you loosen up underneath his grasp, your neck stopping its flexing and your body hunching forward. Joel immediately seized that little space, just like he wanted to occupy every part of your life, and stepped closer, your whole front pressed against the cold wall. With his hot, muscular body right behind you, it was endurable, though. It was more than endurable. The sensation was incredible, the contrast so sharp that you forgot everything about time and space, who you were and where up and down were. His hand constricting your airflow only made it more intense.
"That's it, sweetheart… Just like that. S'what it's supposed to feel like, you understand that? Just like this. And no one else can give you that. None of these men eyein' you up and down like you're some piece of fresh meat. They wouldn't make it feel like that. Only I can. Only I know your body like that."
The hand around your wrists relaxed its tight grasp, allowing you to dangle them at your sides. When you felt his hand at your pussy, you understood why he had released you. The quick, pointed swipes over your clit made your knees buckle at once, your hands slamming against the wall for support.
"Shh… I know. Look at you… So beautifully responsive. Just like a 'lil slut's supposed to be. S'how I know that you're only supposed to be my slut. 'Cause I hear how your pretty pussy cries for me."
He was probably referring to the primal noises his dick inside you produced, or maybe to his finger circling your clit. You didn't know, and you didn't care. All you cared about was getting him to go even deeper, no matter if it was physically possible or not.
As his hand tightened around your throat, you desperately pawed at his hairy thighs behind you, both pushing him away and pulling him closer. Your mind was somewhere else, body and brain separated in a way that made your words, your actions and your thoughts fail to align. There was chaos everywhere, which was why you could count yourself lucky that the man behind you hated chaos. He was there to fix it and bring order to the mess that you were.
"J-Joel," you cried against the firm hold he had on your neck, mouth falling open when he began to synchronize the touch of his thumb with the thrusts of his cock. Sometimes he waited for a beat, just watching you quiver and whimper with an evil grin on his lips, then delivered a few borderline painful thrusts inside you and set off a firework of pleasure across your clit. That was when your muscles slackened and you would have fallen to the ground had Joel not pushed you into the wall with his whole weight.
"Perfect princess… Almost like a 'lil fucktoy, jesus… I really just wanna wrap ya up when I'm done with you and throw you onto the bed. Fuck your brains out 'til my cock's gonna be drained for days. I know you'd take it all. I know your weak 'lil body would pass out on me but you'd still be cryin' my name in your sleep. Your pussy would still suck me in like the greedy 'lil thing she is. Ain't that right, sugarplum?"
By now, you were letting the tears flow as they mixed with the water streaming down the wall. You couldn't perceive any of it. Not the temperature of the water, not the color of the tiles, not even his words. It was probably for the better since they would have made you spiral even harder than you already were and you might have fallen into some sort of pleasure coma. If something like that existed.
"Your body was fuckin' made for me, baby… And I don't like sharin' ya with anyone. S'why I don't like this very much…" Joel yanked you back by your neck, pinning your head against his collarbone to get a look at the tears relentlessly trickling down your cheeks.
"I like havin' this shower and getting to fuck ya as many times as I want to. But I don't like these people here… I don't even want 'em to see ya. It'll only get their minds goin'. I can see in their faces what they're thinkin' about but I can't do anything about it. 'Cause unfortunately, they're allowed to watch… they can think about all the positions they'd like to fuck you in… And it drives me really fuckin' mad, babygirl. I wish I could just lock you in the house like a good 'lil pet that waits for me when I come home."
You howled as his hand gently swatted your throbbing clit before you finally came with a weak sob. In response, Joel pressed his hand over your mouth, not to conceal what the two of you were doing in the shower the way he had been forced to during your time in the woods. He just did it… because he could. Because he liked to hear your broken weeping muffled by his heavy palm that swallowed most of your face.
"That's it, princess. Like that, you 'lil slut. Soak my cock, fuck… squeezin' me so fuckin' good."
His grip grew narrower as Joel approached his orgasm. His nails dug into your flesh, surely leaving a mark or two, but since you were still floating on a cloud, you barely felt the pain.
He brutally forced his cock between your fluttering walls, which always clamped during your high. But Joel showed no mercy. He wanted his cum to reach every last corner of your insides, paint your cervix and preferably shoot so deeply inside you that none of it would leak out after he had pulled out. Therefore, he used a bit of his strength and drove his hips into yours even as you were whimpering in pain, fighting your body's urge to cramp up.
"Sh, baby. Shh, relax for daddy. Holy shit… Your pussy's such a naughty 'lil thing, ain't she?" Joel seized your hands once more, holding them behind your back to stop you from pushing against his hips. "First, she's beggin' me to destroy 'er and now that daddy's pumpin' 'er full, she's clenchin' so hard, barely lettin' me in… Or maybe she likes it that way, mhm? Likes when it hurts a little."
"Owww," you yelped, toes curling at the sting that spread through your lower tummy as Joel went way past your limits over and over, opening you up with no regard for the sensitivity and soreness diffusing in your core after your orgasm.
At some point, you found yourself wondering how much longer it was going to take until he finished, but it seemed like Joel was drawing out the moment as long as he physically could.
Then, it was over all of a sudden, and for a split second, you wished nothing more than for him to slip back inside. Not only did you feel cold, but your cunt was also clenching desperately, searching for something to hold onto.
"Joel," you whispered. Something was still rolling down your face, but at this point, it could be either your tears or the shower water.
"Goddamnit," he cursed, smacking your backside again. "Shit, baby… I don't know what to do with ya… you got any suggestions?"
He laughed, brushing your hair back to slide his big hand down your arm.
"Need you," you pressed and gasped softly when he turned you around.
"I know you do, kitten. And that's all that matters. You don't need anything but me. That pretty head doesn't have to think of anyone but me. And I'm gonna prove it to ya as many times as it takes."
Joel's thoughts were already running fast, like the little drops coming from the shower head.
He had all the time in the world. It wasn't long past six o'clock, so he had plenty of hours before he would go to bed…
He would show it all to you.
The things he had planned in his head while traveling through the country with you, all those times he had pictured you in new positions, dressed in his favorite outfits, doing things that had technically been impossible out there.
But now the door was open, and goddamnit, he would make use of it. Now. Tomorrow. For the rest of his life.
Just some unholy, filthy Joel x f!reader smut in the shower...
Contains: smut, p in v, unprotected sex, creampie, rough sex, oral sex (m receiving), dom!Joel, choking, reader makes herself gag around him, dirty talk, lots of degradation and humiliation, fingering, overstimulation, praise, possessiveness, name calling (slut, whore, babygirl), size kink, hand over mouth, Joel is absolutely feral for you and fucks your brains out, jealousy, slut shaming, dom/sub dynamic, fluff, obsessive and controlling Joel, established relationship, Jackson!Joel, implied age gap
Wordcount: 6,522
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Joel gritted his teeth, pushing you forward with a little more force than necessary to signal you to approach the wall. You understood the message either way, stumbling forward rather than walking that single step.
The shower was narrow and tight, leaving barely enough room for two people to stand comfortably while soaping their bodies, but that was only more reason to minimize the space between the two of you, Joel found. Besides, he could always justify their feral behavior in the shower by claiming that he wanted to save water.
And then there was the fact that both of you, having traveled through the country for months without any running water aside from the currents the two of you had stumbled upon, definitely had a lot to catch up on. The experience of warm, clear water trickling down one's neck was something Joel had never appreciated enough before the outbreak. Now, twenty years later, living in Jackson, he had discovered it again, and he couldn't get enough of it. Especially when you joined him in the shower.
"Fuck… Joel, fuck," you whimpered, feeling his hand stall along your slit with just enough friction to kindle a small fire within you.
"I know, baby… You like that, don't you?" His nose scrunched against the back of your wet scalp, smelling your hair, which his calloused hands had already kneaded clean a few minutes prior. Well, perhaps the two of you would have to wash your bodies again after you were done here. At least, Joel could already feel sweat pooling on his brow, although it was quickly swept away by the water crackling down on your heads.
As he didn't receive an answer, he slapped your butt harshly, the noise even louder as it echoed off the high tiles of the bathroom.
"Answer me. Or I'm gonna stop right here, right now… Use your mouth. Or do I have to remind you that you got one that works pretty well." His strong arms stirred when you still hesitated to open your mouth, too focused on not losing your mind over his thumb flicking your clit to the side.
Truthfully, you were feeling a bit anxious. Not because of Joel's lingering touch, of course, but rather because you had been marked by the many times the two of you had made use of what you had during your travels across the continent.
The days had been rough, and so had the places you had slept. Tents, rancid beds in abandoned cabins, and the steel-hard floors of buildings that had once been offices and now emitted a cold dullness. Still, Joel and you were two human beings who felt attracted to each other, which was why you had often ended up trapped between your partner's broad body and the ground while his cock and fingers had driven you to your high within minutes. Those were the times when you had had to stay quiet. Not only because your moans would have bounced off the ceiling and circulated throughout the whole building like a disease, but especially because neither of you knew what creatures were strolling in the basement.
You hadn't just gotten used to keeping your voice down while Joel's hard cock was pounding your pussy, no, you had quite literally been drilled to feel your heart skip a beat whenever a noise spilled out of your throat. Most of the time, it had been Joel pressing a hand over your mouth, his grip tightening around your throat, or whatever body part of yours he could grab first. In your opinion, it wasn't surprising that you were still trained to keep your mouth shut.
Perhaps you would learn to properly enjoy yourself again after a few months in Jackson, but for now, anxiety instinctively rose in your belly every time Joel asked you to speak up or stop holding back on him.
Consequently, you didn't reply to him even after his repeated question, resulting in his large hand pulling you down by your wrist.
"Alright, you wanted it that way," he growled between clenched teeth, eyes spitting fire while your knees uncomfortably scraped the floor beneath you. "So I gotta remind ya, mhm? That you got a fuckin' mouth, and a fuckin' tongue that's supposed to move when I tell ya so. Open your mouth."
You had to tilt your head a little and flinched when you felt water drops fall right into your eyes. It definitely wasn't a suitable position to give someone a blow job, but you didn't consider rejecting your boyfriend for an instant. In fact, that thought didn't even race through your mind. Maybe this was another effect of the past months spent far out in the country. When you traveled alone with a man, saw that same face night and day, and simultaneously felt your personal need to be intimate with someone increase, there were not a lot of options.
Joel and you had made it five whole days before the two of you had shared a sleeping bag for the first time. To prevent freezing to death, of course. After that, it had become routine, letting off steam at the end of the day, finding something similar to solace.
The way you touched each other varied day to day, you figured. At times, there had been nothing soft or gentle about the way his cock had impaled your cunt, whereas other times, you had felt like what you were doing could be called making love. It hadn't just been about Joel emptying his balls inside you or releasing some endorphins, but about appreciating a close emotional proximity that didn't just serve the purpose of satisfying each other like two feral animals. Sometimes, Joel had stayed inside you longer than necessary and had even bothered to help you get dressed afterward.
But at the end of the day, despite traveling alone and without a larger group, there had always been complications, such as exhaustion, tiredness, an unsuitable sleeping place, or the stress that just wasn't wearing off no matter how much effort you put into relaxing. On some days, Joel couldn't get hard, and on other days you were too cramped to let him in. You assumed that there was some correlation to the events that had happened throughout the day, but since there was nothing you had been able to do about it, you had just accepted the way your bodies functioned and instead went to bed.
Therefore, the two of you had a lot of yearning to make up for. All those times, you had lain on your side, head full of worries and concerns you wished you could turn off like a light switch. There was the question of what to eat tomorrow, where to sleep, whether the two of you would make it out of the QZ, and which road to take without a map to guide you. The only way, at least the only way accessible to you, was to be with Joel, his cock or hands shutting your brain off for at least fifteen minutes. But when the circumstances wouldn't allow it, all you could do was think about it and wish you were someplace else.
Exactly like you were now.
Now, living in Jackson, Joel and you could fuck all day, and nobody cared. You could use every piece of furniture, spend hours touching each other's bodies without rush, and repeat it as many times as you liked in comfortable places that didn't involve wet forest soil seeping through your clothes. You were hungry for each other, it was that simple.
"Good girl," Joel now praised, eyes skimming over your widely parted lips. "Now I want ya to go slowly, babygirl. Can ya do that?"
You nodded slowly, gaze traveling along his immense manhood, which always slapped against his soft belly so seductively when the two of you had been making out for some time.
You didn't know what you craved more, kissing the faint bulge of his tummy or licking across the tip of his cock, which looked so red and plump. But since Joel made the choice for you, you shifted a little closer to him, eyes wide and glued to his cock like you were hypnotized by the beauty of his impressive length.
"Slowly. Trace the veins, baby. Like I taught you."
It wasn't like you had needed a teacher to show you how to give a blowjob, goddamnit. You had been with guys before Joel had come into your life, yet it really did feel like he had opened your world to utterly new ways of pleasing a man. Joel had a very particular idea of how you were supposed to take him into your mouth and how to stimulate his member, which you had been quick to adapt to.
He didn't do the work. This was one of the first lessons you had learned. He was more than happy to be the active one when he had you pinned on the floor beneath him, rapidly snapping his hips into yours as he fucked your brains out, but while he was receiving pleasure from you, he leaned back. Watched you, enjoyed you, relaxed.
He still told you how he wanted it and radiated a certain dominance even while doing nothing, but he mostly kept his hands to himself aside from occasionally threading them through your hair.
Joel hummed tenderly when you darted your tongue out, but apart from that, you didn't receive much affirmation that you were doing well. Which wasn't new or unfamiliar to you. At this point, it didn't unsettle you anymore, so you didn't let his silence distract you, and you licked along his bulging veins just the way he liked it. You were careful to capture all of it, every centimeter from his base up to his tip, then made your way back down.
Your knees hurt terribly, but it wasn't worse than the knife of a raider shoved into your shinbone, so you managed. The water dripping onto your face stung your eyes, but it wasn't worse than wandering through the woods in the rain with your body soaked to the bone. At least the water was warm and felt nice the moment it left your eyes to run down your face.
"Good girl. Show me your tongue," Joel commanded, placing his heavy palm on top of your head as if to pet his favorite dog. Once you had obeyed, you felt him shift his weight to his other foot in order to have a better view of your flat tongue.
"Good. Go on now. Every single vein."
He didn't have to ask you again. Licking his massive dick, showing your admiration and awe for him in such a primal and filthy way was one of your favorite things in the world. You really did feel like worshipping his manhood by affectionately trailing along every single bulging vein and the curve of him, and it was precisely how you were feeling. Besides, you had done this so many times before that it felt as though your muscles had memorized the exact shape and texture of him, his form engraved in your tongue and surely in your pussy walls as well, given the many times he had scraped his cock along your insides.
"You look really good down there, baby… Should do this in the shower more often. Makes it less dirty."
Once again, a side effect of your long journey through the wild.
After having had no choice but to watch your face get coated in his precum, your drool, and eventually even his seed, Joel liked it clean and neat nowadays. He owned towels and tissues, so why not make use of them?
"Yeah," you agreed, licking a generous stripe from his balls up his length while carefully circling the tip with your thumb.
"Okay, enough," Joel then said after a few minutes, tapping his fingers on your scalp. "Suck on it. Slowly 'n' just the tip. You're not gonna do more than I tell you, are we clear?"
"Yes, Joel," you breathed, exactly like you knew he enjoyed it.
Joel wanted order and compliance, a clear and unambiguous hierarchy and someone who listened to him without any second thoughts. He hated chaos and spontaneous choices but loved it when you did precisely what he told you. When you waited to touch his cock until he had given you permission to bring your hand closer.
The tip of his dick disappeared between your soft lips, your lashes fluttering while you gazed up at him. The problem definitely wasn't how deep he pressed against your throat walls but the water filling your eyes.
"Suck it, babygirl," Joel repeated, his lips parting just a little further as you obeyed. He was rock hard against your mouth, so you doubted that this was anything but a punishment for being unable to use your voice while you were with him, but it didn't really feel like it. Every second you got to spend with your face pressed against his center was a blessing to you, and you liked to believe that the events of the past weeks were not the only reason for your emotions regarding this. Joel was a handsome man, so anyone would be lucky to have him all to themselves.
You suckled on his tip gently, hoping that you were doing well, but you couldn't think of anything you might be failing to pay attention to right now. You didn't shift too much — Joel didn't like that — and you focused on his tip without using your tongue too extensively.
"Gosh… sweetheart. You're really good at this. I taught you well. S'almost a 'lil boring, ain't it?"
Your eyes widened, taking in his narrow, dark gaze roaming your body as if to assess what to do with you next.
"Ain't got no reason to punish you. Except for not respondin' of course. But apart from that… All I can do is tell you that you're doin' well."
Even though you wanted to tell him that you were convinced that was a good thing, you didn't dare pull away from him without his explicit command.
Instead you hollowed your cheeks, heart stumbling at the way Joel's head rested against the wall behind him, his neck flexed like his body was under high pressure. You were doing well. He liked it.
"Use your tongue. And go deeper, sweetheart. Just a 'lil bit… Halfway."
You nodded lightly, just enough to show Joel that you had understood and knew what to do, and then allowed more of him to slide down your throat. By now, you had a very good idea of how many inches you were taking based on how he felt against your throat, and stopped when his tip was about to nudge against your palate. Yes, that was how big he was.
In the beginning, he had simply been too big for both your throat and pussy, but he had made it work. That was what he had whispered in your ear while you had trembled and whimpered, your blood running cold with the fear of forever being incapable of adjusting to his size.
I'm gonna make it fit. It's gonna be okay, he had murmured, which had soothed you surprisingly well and led you to discover a new side of him. A softer, more caring one, although you had to admit that that side of him was revealed most of the time when Joel wanted something. Such as your throat and your pussy.
But now, you were skilled and your throat was trained to take more of him.
You exhaled heavily through your nose, closing your eyes as you covered your teeth with your lips.
"You're a good 'lil pet, baby… Listenin' so well… That's how I can tell that this is exactly what you're supposed to do. Where you're supposed to be."
You knew that Joel wasn't making you suck his cock to cum down your throat. He liked blowjobs, no matter if they were messy, lazy, or passionate, but this man liked to fuck. Sliding his dick past your lips was almost always just a preparation for what was to come or one of his twisted games that were supposed to teach you a lesson.
Still, you put everything into it, bobbing your head around the upper part of his cock while your tongue played with his veins and the precum gathering at his tip. You switched quickly between forceful sucks, teasing swipes across his length, and steady stimulation in the form of your stretched lips brushing against him. And Joel seemed satisfied. He had yet to say much and limited himself to occasionally grunting under his breath or cursing quietly, but you knew that if you were doing a poor job, he would have stopped you by now.
"All the way now, kitten," he suddenly said, the few words hanging in the moist air a little longer than usual because of the empty space of the shower. "I want you to gag on it. Let's make it… three times. I'm feelin' nice today."
You granted yourself a few seconds to catch your breath, knees shifting across the cold floor to find a position that was just a little bit more comfortable for your raw skin.
"Yes, Joel."
"And you know the rules. Don't push yourself too far, alright?"
Nodding again, you straightened up, trying to hide the pain shooting through your kneecaps. Perhaps Joel would have cared if you told him, but perhaps not. In any case, what did it matter? You wanted to finish what you had started in the shower with him, not on some stupid carpet or the bed.
"Three times, babygirl. If you're gonna be good, I'll let you stand, 'n' I'm gonna fuck this pussy nicely. Do you want that?"
"Yes, Joel," you whined, feeling surprised by how vocal he was being with you. Well, maybe he was just in a good mood. Or today wasn't all about getting rid of accumulated tension or anger but rather actually relishing some time shared with you.
His promise gave you the motivation to get it over with quickly so that you could have his massive, broad frame pressed against your back. You were a little cold on the ground and you really wanted to stretch out your legs before they grew even more numb.
"Go on… Show me how good you can be. How well I taught you. The water's no problem for you, is it?"
"No, Joel," you assured him, pressing his tip against your lips. "I can do it."
"I knew you would say that, sweetheart… C'mon now. Ain't got all day, mhm?"
Actually, the two of you had all day, but you presumed that Joel just used that phrasing to emphasize the fact that he was growing impatient.
"Ohh fuck… baby. That's it. All the way inside there where it belongs. Yes."
You swallowed hard, your heart thumping in your chest like it always did when you were about to consciously make yourself gag on his cock. The way your body reacted to your nervousness just didn't change, no matter how many times Joel had asked that of you.
You went deeper, deeper than your body was supposed to go. Deeper than your throat could take, but that was the plan after all. That was what Joel wanted from you.
Around three quarters of his length were snug within you when you had to close your eyes. A low growl escaped Joel's lips, which gave you the ambition to continue, and then, there it was. You choked, your body recoiling as you immediately pulled back. He was okay with that, the rules only said that you had to make yourself gag. Joel didn't care how fast you slipped him out of your mouth after that.
Cheeks burning with searing heat, you coughed a couple of times, your body losing its upright posture as you writhed and squirmed below him.
"Good… Good, baby. That was the first. You think you can give me two more?"
Of course you could. You just needed a little bit of time between each one.
"Yes," you whispered, voice raspy and coarse already after the first.
"Alright. Look at me. I don't care how deep you go, just wanna see your pretty eyes and hear ya gag. That's all."
"Yes, Joel." You brushed the wet strands hanging in your face back and tucked them behind your ears to make everything a little tidier.
Then you repeated what you had just done, all while keeping your eyes open and glued to his face. It wasn't a very unpleasant task since his features looked like they were carved by God himself and you tended to get lost in his handsome face pretty often, but your eyes still teared up. The secret to it was letting them go and accepting that your tears were running down your skin until they hit Joel's cock. But since he didn't seem to mind, you fully ignored the wetness and kept peering up at him.
That second gag was harder due to the fact that you had to concentrate on more things than just his manhood kissing the back of your throat, but you proudly managed. After your body had calmed down, the ripples and uneven coughs slowly abating, Joel reached out to snatch your chin.
"Gosh… I don't even know what to do with ya. If I should feel proud of you for listenin' so well or be disgusted by you actin' like a cheap whore."
His words sent tingles down your spine, the good and the bad ones alike. You sniffled gently, wiping your nose with the back of your hand.
"I guess I can make my peace with you bein' a cheap whore. The only thing I'm concerned about really is you bein' a slut for other men here in Jackson."
Joel absent-mindedly toyed with your hair, watching it give way to his fingers, then pulled you up by your arm all of a sudden. As you hadn't expected it at all and had just braced yourself for the last round, you squeaked and nearly lost your balance on the slippery floor. But Joel had you securely in his hold, spun you around so quickly your head throbbed, and pressed you face first against the wall.
"Joel," you whimpered, feeling so overwhelmed and maybe even a little disappointed. You would have liked to properly finish the task that you had been given, but it seemed like Joel had other plans for you.
"I didn't care about you bein' a cheap whore while we were out there…" he rambled on while nudging the tip of his cock against your tight entrance, his other hand draped around your middle to grope your tits.
"T'wasn't important 'cause we were the only ones out there. But here… they're all touch-starved, you know? You think any of these guys would reject you, baby? Fuck, even Tommy wouldn't push ya away."
You highly doubted that since his brother was happily married to Maria, but you were too distracted by his cock gathering your wetness to correct him. Joel pushed inside slowly, savoring how your walls welcomed him sluggishly, as though they weren't sure yet whether your boyfriend was a welcome guest.
"They would all fuck ya if they had the chance, babygirl. And that's okay… As long as they keep their hands to themselves and remember that you're mine. But I need you to know something for that. Do you know what?"
"W-What?" you asked breathlessly, your right cheek pressed against the wet tiles while Joel pinned both your wrists to your lower back.
All of this was so fucking obscene, so shameless and bad, but you just couldn't help but love every second. The way he was talking about you, like you were some valuable prize, nothing more than an object that anybody who owned it could be lucky to possess. And the way he had your body under control… how he was caging you in, using his body weight to pin you in place and his large hands to trap both your wrists in one of his. The other was free to guide his manhood deeper inside you, splitting you open on his cock, which was so thick that you were completely aware of every part of your body, your pussy first and foremost.
"I need you to know that you're mine alone. 'Cause I fuckin' dragged you through those woods, I kept you safe and I took care of ya. You're mine. So you're not gonna act like a cheap whore around them, is that clear? Not on Saturday at Tommy's birthday party, not on New Year's Eve and not at any event in the future."
He was all the way inside you now, and you felt his hips grind against yours, giving you a taste of him without thrusting yet.
"You can be a cheap whore around me, but not around them. I want every man to know that this pussy's mine. I don't care what I gotta do to achieve that, princess."
Joel started moving so abruptly that you choked on your spit and coughed a few times while his pelvis crashed into yours.
"Owww…" you howled, your hands wriggling under his grasp, but he only tightened it in response. You were a little frightened of slipping on the wet floor with your hands unable to support your fall, but at the same time, you trusted Joel enough to know that he would catch you before your head hit the wall.
"That's it, baby. Scream louder and they're all gonna hear… I don't care what it takes. I need them to stay the hell away from ya. Do you know why?"
As he no longer needed his hand to push his cock inside you, Joel brought it back to your breasts, pinching your sore nipples a few times before reaching for your throat, which looked much too delicate for him to ignore.
"N-No," you whimpered and arched away from the tiles a little to offer him a better angle as he slammed his fat dick inside you.
"'Cause you're pretty, sweetheart. You're too pretty for your own good. You don't even know what effect you have on all those old fuckers. They probably haven't felt a thing down there for years… And now they see someone like you walk through the gates and suddenly they remember that they got a cock and how much they used to like a woman's tits."
"Joel," you yelped, not so much in reaction to his words but rather to his balls smacking your core. They were heavy and hot, ready to spill the seed they carried between your snug walls and pump you full of it.
"I know, pretty girl… It's okay. I'm gonna take care of ya. You don't need to worry your pretty little head about 'em. As long as you do as I say and behave. I'm gonna keep 'em away, protect you from them. So that we can go home every night and I can rail your tight cunt like that… That's what you like, mhm? Bein' mine… Bein' taken care of and getting fucked in your perfect pussy every day."
It was almost embarrassing how flushed with blood your cheeks were, how much adrenaline was coursing through your veins just because he had used the words mine and protect a few times. It was just that Joel couldn't have been more right, which was why you nodded and let out a desperate "Yes… Yes, please."
Joel smacked your butt harshly, interrupting his rapid thrusts for a few seconds. His fingers gripped your neck firmly, swaying your head to the side just because he could. At least, that was what it felt like to you. Like Joel wanted to put his power on display, showing you that he wasn't just in control of your body but also your feelings and who you belonged to.
"I need you, Joel," you whispered, your tone carrying so much emotional weight and meaning that your breath hitched in your throat, fresh tears welling on your waterline.
"I know you do. You depend on me. Ever since I saved ya from those raiders in Kansas City. So you're gonna stay mine. No matter how many men I gotta scare away. I'll be happy to do that, princess."
Joel nudged his nose against the back of your head, your scent somehow different than before when he had fucked you against a tree or a stained mattress, but through the smell of the soap it was still you. Through every fiber.
Joel liked to think of the two of you as linked souls. After all those times he had put his hands on you, left his mark on you in the form of filling you up with his cum or driving his teeth into your neck, you were clearly carrying his scent in such a profound manner that you would never be able to scrub it off your body. The way he had claimed you seeped through all those layers, through your skin and bones right into the depths of your heart.
"Joel, s-so much," you stuttered, finally a little more unrestrained in how you talked to him. "So much, Joel, fuck…"
He gently squeezed your throat, his rough skin feeling obscenely hard against your much softer one. That was just another perk of being with him, Joel found. He kept you safe, threw himself between you and a raging infected to drive his knife into its throat before it could attack you.
Consequently, his skin became raw and coarse from gripping the handle of his gun or the handle of his knife tightly, whereas yours remained smooth like silk. It was your beauty against your safety, and you were happy to let him touch your flawless skin if it meant being protected by that man who sometimes resembled a large bear more than a man. At least you thought that way while watching him fight off infected or raiders.
"It's okay, baby… Let it happen, alright? Let daddy in… just like that, yeah."
He felt you loosen up underneath his grasp, your neck stopping its flexing and your body hunching forward. Joel immediately seized that little space, just like he wanted to occupy every part of your life, and stepped closer, your whole front pressed against the cold wall. With his hot, muscular body right behind you, it was endurable, though. It was more than endurable. The sensation was incredible, the contrast so sharp that you forgot everything about time and space, who you were and where up and down were. His hand constricting your airflow only made it more intense.
"That's it, sweetheart… Just like that. S'what it's supposed to feel like, you understand that? Just like this. And no one else can give you that. None of these men eyein' you up and down like you're some piece of fresh meat. They wouldn't make it feel like that. Only I can. Only I know your body like that."
The hand around your wrists relaxed its tight grasp, allowing you to dangle them at your sides. When you felt his hand at your pussy, you understood why he had released you. The quick, pointed swipes over your clit made your knees buckle at once, your hands slamming against the wall for support.
"Shh… I know. Look at you… So beautifully responsive. Just like a 'lil slut's supposed to be. S'how I know that you're only supposed to be my slut. 'Cause I hear how your pretty pussy cries for me."
He was probably referring to the primal noises his dick inside you produced, or maybe to his finger circling your clit. You didn't know, and you didn't care. All you cared about was getting him to go even deeper, no matter if it was physically possible or not.
As his hand tightened around your throat, you desperately pawed at his hairy thighs behind you, both pushing him away and pulling him closer. Your mind was somewhere else, body and brain separated in a way that made your words, your actions and your thoughts fail to align. There was chaos everywhere, which was why you could count yourself lucky that the man behind you hated chaos. He was there to fix it and bring order to the mess that you were.
"J-Joel," you cried against the firm hold he had on your neck, mouth falling open when he began to synchronize the touch of his thumb with the thrusts of his cock. Sometimes he waited for a beat, just watching you quiver and whimper with an evil grin on his lips, then delivered a few borderline painful thrusts inside you and set off a firework of pleasure across your clit. That was when your muscles slackened and you would have fallen to the ground had Joel not pushed you into the wall with his whole weight.
"Perfect princess… Almost like a 'lil fucktoy, jesus… I really just wanna wrap ya up when I'm done with you and throw you onto the bed. Fuck your brains out 'til my cock's gonna be drained for days. I know you'd take it all. I know your weak 'lil body would pass out on me but you'd still be cryin' my name in your sleep. Your pussy would still suck me in like the greedy 'lil thing she is. Ain't that right, sugarplum?"
By now, you were letting the tears flow as they mixed with the water streaming down the wall. You couldn't perceive any of it. Not the temperature of the water, not the color of the tiles, not even his words. It was probably for the better since they would have made you spiral even harder than you already were and you might have fallen into some sort of pleasure coma. If something like that existed.
"Your body was fuckin' made for me, baby… And I don't like sharin' ya with anyone. S'why I don't like this very much…" Joel yanked you back by your neck, pinning your head against his collarbone to get a look at the tears relentlessly trickling down your cheeks.
"I like havin' this shower and getting to fuck ya as many times as I want to. But I don't like these people here… I don't even want 'em to see ya. It'll only get their minds goin'. I can see in their faces what they're thinkin' about but I can't do anything about it. 'Cause unfortunately, they're allowed to watch… they can think about all the positions they'd like to fuck you in… And it drives me really fuckin' mad, babygirl. I wish I could just lock you in the house like a good 'lil pet that waits for me when I come home."
You howled as his hand gently swatted your throbbing clit before you finally came with a weak sob. In response, Joel pressed his hand over your mouth, not to conceal what the two of you were doing in the shower the way he had been forced to during your time in the woods. He just did it… because he could. Because he liked to hear your broken weeping muffled by his heavy palm that swallowed most of your face.
"That's it, princess. Like that, you 'lil slut. Soak my cock, fuck… squeezin' me so fuckin' good."
His grip grew narrower as Joel approached his orgasm. His nails dug into your flesh, surely leaving a mark or two, but since you were still floating on a cloud, you barely felt the pain.
He brutally forced his cock between your fluttering walls, which always clamped during your high. But Joel showed no mercy. He wanted his cum to reach every last corner of your insides, paint your cervix and preferably shoot so deeply inside you that none of it would leak out after he had pulled out. Therefore, he used a bit of his strength and drove his hips into yours even as you were whimpering in pain, fighting your body's urge to cramp up.
"Sh, baby. Shh, relax for daddy. Holy shit… Your pussy's such a naughty 'lil thing, ain't she?" Joel seized your hands once more, holding them behind your back to stop you from pushing against his hips. "First, she's beggin' me to destroy 'er and now that daddy's pumpin' 'er full, she's clenchin' so hard, barely lettin' me in… Or maybe she likes it that way, mhm? Likes when it hurts a little."
"Owww," you yelped, toes curling at the sting that spread through your lower tummy as Joel went way past your limits over and over, opening you up with no regard for the sensitivity and soreness diffusing in your core after your orgasm.
At some point, you found yourself wondering how much longer it was going to take until he finished, but it seemed like Joel was drawing out the moment as long as he physically could.
Then, it was over all of a sudden, and for a split second, you wished nothing more than for him to slip back inside. Not only did you feel cold, but your cunt was also clenching desperately, searching for something to hold onto.
"Joel," you whispered. Something was still rolling down your face, but at this point, it could be either your tears or the shower water.
"Goddamnit," he cursed, smacking your backside again. "Shit, baby… I don't know what to do with ya… you got any suggestions?"
He laughed, brushing your hair back to slide his big hand down your arm.
"Need you," you pressed and gasped softly when he turned you around.
"I know you do, kitten. And that's all that matters. You don't need anything but me. That pretty head doesn't have to think of anyone but me. And I'm gonna prove it to ya as many times as it takes."
Joel's thoughts were already running fast, like the little drops coming from the shower head.
He had all the time in the world. It wasn't long past six o'clock, so he had plenty of hours before he would go to bed…
He would show it all to you.
The things he had planned in his head while traveling through the country with you, all those times he had pictured you in new positions, dressed in his favorite outfits, doing things that had technically been impossible out there.
But now the door was open, and goddamnit, he would make use of it. Now. Tomorrow. For the rest of his life.
hi so you’d written this one shot about harry castillo being the reader’s ex husband and how he hires her as his assistant and the yearning, angst, romance and smut follows. Could you please turn it into a series or atleast do a part 2. It’s genuinely one of my fav fics and i think of it constantly. Also please keep the hand kink, it was the cherry on the cake.
Contains: violence, death, canon typical themes, fighting, angst, tension, strong language, hostility, Joel being Joel, references to past trauma, they both need a hug
Wordcount: 5,587
Masterlist of this story
Masterlist
Joel stuffed his water bottle back inside his bag, glancing up to watch Amy pull her jacket tighter around her body. She was clearly freezing, given the way her shoulders were hauled up to her ears, shaky hands shoved inside her pockets.
"Here."
He peeled his jacket off and dangled it in front of her to grab it. She didn't though, which irritated him.
"Take it."
"I don't need it."
"You clearly do. You're freezin'."
She released a breath, making Joel believe that she was about to give in, but her hands remained snug within her pockets.
"I don't want it."
"Why?" His tone was harsh and cold, but Jesus, his composure was about to snap with her stubbornness, her way of contradicting him for no reason. Hell, it was better for both of them if she didn't get sick. It would certainly spare him many complaints from her.
"I just don't want it."
"Take it. Or you're gonna get sick."
Finally, her trembling hand slowly stretched toward him, catching the piece of clothing Joel dropped.
"You gotta drink some water. We're gonna keep walkin' in five minutes."
"I'm not a child. You don't have to remind me when to drink fuckin' water."
Though his mood had just calmed down as she had followed his order, new rage was brewing in his belly at once. Shit, his nerves were thin after everything that had happened, he didn't need another quarrel with Amy that only had one purpose: agitating his anger.
"I'm supposed to look out for you, you understand that? That's what I promised Marlene, and it's – what I promised 'er." His voice quivered ever so slightly, hopefully in a way that would go by unnoticed by Amy.
"I'm gonna get ya to Bill and Frank, so for me to do that, I can't have ya pass out from dehydration after a fucking mile. Do you understand me or is there anything unclear about that?"
"Who are Bill and Frank?" Amy asked, but she was met with a steep groan, nothing else.
"Joel."
"What?" he barked and fastened the straps of his rucksack, thinking that her ungrateful ass didn't deserve the five minute break he had promised her.
"It's not my fault Tess did that. I… I'm sorry that it happened, but I – I mean if you blame me, I… I just – She got infected. That sucks, but that's not my fault."
"Get up," Joel uttered, hands clenched into fists that hopefully prevented him from driving his fist into a tree close by.
"What, you just don't wanna talk about it?"
"No I don't. I want you to keep your mouth shut about Tess, about anything that's got to do with her – actually, you can just keep your mouth shut the entire time."
In Joel's mind, that was all that needed to be said, which was why he set off while Amy hurried up to catch up to him, clearly startled by the severity of his words. Fortunately, she followed his advice that was more closely related to an instruction than to guidance.
For a while, Joel and Amy were hiking through the forest side by side, Joel's eyes strictly ahead on the road while Amy's were scurrying around as if she were trying to suck in every scene from every angle. Had this girl never seen an abandoned city or a forest before? Where the hell had she grown up?
"How many days is it gonna take? To get to – Bill and Frank."
He scarcely even reacted, just his pupils snapping to the left for a beat before they found their familiar spot on the ground again.
"We're gonna be there tomorrow. Afternoon, probably."
"Can you tell me who they are?"
"Friends."
Amy nodded slowly, at least that was what he could assume she was doing after darting a glance at her from the corner of his eye.
"Of yours or of Tess's?"
"Both."
"Are you angry at me or something?"
"Are you fucking kiddin' me?" He finally shot her a furious look that seemed to make her remember something. Whom she was talking to, hopefully. Amy looked like she was shrinking beneath his gaze, her throat bulging as she swallowed hard.
"I told you that I – "
"No, I told you to keep your mouth shut, didn't I?" Joel exhaled unevenly, his breath a little shaky, which irritated him.
"I'm sorry about what happened. I really am. But what you're doing is very unfair, and I think it's gonna make this even more difficult."
Despite his initial urge to tell her to shut up once more, he couldn't help but shoot back another snarky reply.
"This? What is this? There is nothing. I'm gonna leave you with Bill and Frank tomorrow, and after that, we're never gonna see each other again. You better already forget my face."
"You're a real asshole, you know that? You've been treating me like a fucking monster from the start and now you're blaming me for Tess's death and I'm not even saying –"
Joel's hand extended suddenly, grabbing Amy by her shoulder. His fingers dug into her flesh forcefully, most likely creating a mark at that very moment, but if it was what it would take for her to learn her lesson, Joel gladly accepted it.
"I told you not to talk about her. Don't say her name. Don't mention her. You know that I could leave you out here, don't you? Maybe you're immune to the cordyceps but that doesn't mean that you can't be ripped apart by infected. Or by fucking wolves. So if you wanna survive, you. Don't. Mention. Her."
Amy squirmed under his grip, but then she nodded weakly, rubbing her arm for the second time today once he had let go.
This time, Joel didn't tell her to start moving. He was so done with her behavior, he might as well throw up in the bushes and hope that his upset stomach would settle down. Maybe he would have done so, if the food inside his belly hadn't been too precious.
Two hours later, Joel and Amy set camp in the middle of the forest.
Since they didn't have any sleeping bags with them, they had to use their jackets as bedding and wrap themselves in all the clothes they possessed, which weren't a lot, but it would have to suffice for tonight.
They spread them out in utter silence, sat down in silence and even spent most of their dinner in silence. They were busy chewing anyway, Joel found. When Amy was just about to finish the second of her delicious-looking sandwiches Marlene had given her as provisions for her journey, she raised her raspy voice for the first time in hours.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Depends," was his short response.
"What are you gonna do after you bring me to Bill and Frank? Are you gonna head back to the QZ?"
Obviously, it was none of her business. He had no obligation to share any of his ideas or plans for the future with her.
"No. I'm gonna find my brother."
"Your brother? Where is he?"
Joel sighed faintly, taking a bite from the dried bacon he had found in the last forgotten corner of his bag. It was really time to get to Bill and Frank, get a proper meal and trade for food and other supplies he was in need of.
"I don't know. If I knew, I wouldn't have to find him, would I?"
"No, I mean, do you have a rough idea?"
"Yeah."
Amy waited, clearly expecting him to add something else, but when he didn't speak, she opened her mouth again. This time, Joel was faster, though.
"Eat up. Then get some sleep."
"Sleep," Amy scoffed, pointedly glancing at the pile of clothes beneath her. "I don't think I'm gonna be able to."
"Why?" Joel asked before he could have possibly stopped himself.
"No, it's okay… Just – you know… The cold. And we're in the middle of fucking nowhere. But it's fine, it's gonna have to do."
Amy avoided his gaze as she pulled her legs to her chest, resting her chin on her kneecap. He waited without knowing what for.
"Take it." He took off his jacket like he had done earlier, shoving it roughly against her chest, but Joel assumed that she would be grateful regardless.
"Really?"
"Yes. I'll be fine."
In truth, there was no real answer for why he felt generous enough to forgo the piece of clothing to ensure she experienced more comfort during the night. The only thing Joel could come up with to justify his action was the sight of her small frame, her pale face, as well as her ensnared fingers. She looked helpless and scared. She most certainly didn't deserve his kindness, but the sight moved him in some way. It was an instinct, not a conscious choice. Besides, he didn't want her to freeze to death under his watch.
"Thank you."
Joel nodded briefly, then glanced at the rest of her sandwich.
"Now eat. It's also gonna help you with the cold. And don't fuckin' tell me that you don't wanna be treated like a child. I'm just tryna make ya stay alive."
Amy swallowed heavily but followed his advice without another snappy comment, which pacified his thrumming heart at last.
After she was done, and Joel was too, there was no reason to stay awake another minute, so he spread out his clothes a little more and lay down on his side, facing the deserted expanses of the forest. Even he had to admit that the gnarled, thin branches looked eerie, reminding him of the slender wrists of ghosts or monsters. He wondered if Amy felt that way too.
"Joel?"
It was as though she had read his thoughts.
"What?" he snapped in the opposite direction.
He heard some rustling as she lay down as well, buried underneath a pile of clothes that would ideally keep her warm during the night.
"We should keep watch, shouldn’t we?"
"Not here."
"Why?"
He stirred slightly, turning on his back but not yet changing his orientation. An owl cried nearby, and somewhere farther away a wolf barked.
"'Cause there ain't gonna be anyone here."
"What about infected?"
"Clickers won't see us, and we won't make any sound tonight. And we're not gonna keep on any light. We should be fine."
Joel closed his eyes. Still, it felt like the conversation wasn't over yet. In her mind, at least.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, goddamnit. Now sleep. Or you're gonna attract raiders with your voice."
"Raiders?"
Groaning softly, Joel turned toward her at last, though all he could see of her face were her eyes. Amy had pulled her sweatshirt up to cover her mouth and nose, while the hood was hiding her hair and brow.
"They won't come here. Why should they? Unless we make any light or noise. Now sleep. It will be easiest if you sleep. It's just a second, and then it will be the next day."
"But for that, I have to fall asleep first..."
Amy received no answer.
Joel could see her nose scrunch before he turned on his back again, glaring up at the night sky. It was cloudy with the exception of a small gap within the opaque veil, which showed him a glimpse of the silvery moon. Everything about the sight only added to the mysterious, unearthly feeling that lay upon the forest.
The next night would be easier. Perhaps he could even spend it in a comfortable bed within the safe walls of Bill and Frank's house, if they would be kind enough to let him stay for the night before they took Amy to Colorado.
Yes, a bed would be good, even if it was just for one night.
Amy
Amy woke up so suddenly, her heart jumped in her chest. She blinked a few times into the sun, thinking that she couldn't remember the last time she had been woken up by nature. By the natural daily cycle.
The next thing she noticed was the biting cold unfurling across her calves. She must have moved in her sleep, which had caused her jeans to ride up her legs. Quickly, she adjusted her clothes, tucked the end of Joel's jacket underneath her body, and turned around to see if he was awake yet.
Just when she looked at his face, a muscle twitched in his cheek, but he appeared to be soundly asleep with his steadily rising chest. Was she supposed to wake him up? Were they in a hurry to reach the ominous Bill and Frank as soon as possible? Or did Joel place value in a long, restful night before the last stage of their travels?
Amy decided to delay her decision until later and folded her hands on top of her stomach, covered by his jacket, of course. It smelled good, she had to admit. Not scruffy or sweaty as she had expected. Obviously, she didn't feel like she was burying her nose in a flower meadow, but the scent reminded her of wood and leather. Yeah, that fit with the picture of Joel that had formed in her head over the past day.
Wood and leather. Hardness. Strength. Uncompromising doggedness. Generosity, maybe? Amy wasn't sure yet. After all, he had willingly given her his jacket the night before, which had warmed her up in a way that hadn't been enough to keep every part of her body completely comfortable, but she didn't want to know how much worse it would have been without it.
So was there a soft side to him? Or had he only been driven by his hunger for Marlene's reward that awaited him after he had delivered her to her?
Amy would have rather bitten off her own tongue than even just say it out loud when no one else was around, but she wasn't utterly immune to his protection the way she was immune to the cordyceps. Unless, of course, there had been a different reason why she had felt the skin of her forearms prickle and why she had had to swallow extra hard to make the lump in her throat disappear.
Secretly, Amy suspected that her reaction was rooted somewhere in the past twenty years of her life, though she didn't care to go back to that place too extensively. No matter how awfully and rudely Joel treated her, at least he made sure she didn't get killed on her way to Bill and Frank. And that was something that got to her, no matter if she liked it or not. It was simply too easy to feel safe in Joel's presence, even though she might have gone insane for thinking that way.
He was impolite and mean to her, leaving no opportunity to make her feel dumb and unimportant. But at least he protected her. Not in a selfless and amiable way like Amy had always wished for growing up, but the outcome was just the same. Besides, it wasn't like she could control her body's reaction anyway.
Amy was ripped from her thoughts when the bunch of clothes next to her shifted. After some blinking and a low groan, Joel straightened up, his hair messed up and standing in all directions, which indicated that he had been just as restless as she had.
"Morning," Amy whispered and sat up as well.
"Mhm," he just grunted in response, making her doubt her attitude toward him all over again. Maybe he was just an arrogant, impudent asshole who couldn't have cared less about her life. Maybe he was just dreaming of getting rid of her as fast as possible and showed brief signs of cordiality so Amy wouldn't run away from him.
Did she have a choice, though? She wouldn't survive a day in the wild, and once she had eaten all her food, her end would be imminent.
Ten minutes later, Joel and Amy were nibbling at their food, which couldn't have been more different. She was chewing another one of her sandwiches, whereas Joel had to content himself with a few slices of plain bread and some almonds.
"Do you want some?" Amy said after a while, holding out the last remaining sandwich.
It was precious to her, sure, especially in case she actually ended up alone out here. But if Joel would understand it as some kind of peace offering, it might be worth a shot.
It wasn't like Amy was eager to uphold the ongoing dispute with him, though she had felt hostile toward him in the beginning. But now, with Tess gone and her supplies fading away, she sort of depended on him until Joel had brought her to his friends, who might be a little friendlier. She would surely benefit from him changing his feelings toward her and brightening his mood.
"No."
Great. So he was grumpy again. Perhaps it was just his nature, and there wasn't anything she could do about it. How had Tess handled that? Amy was seriously curious to know.
"Fine," she scoffed, putting the sandwich back inside the plastic bag with more force than necessary. "When are we gonna leave?"
If Joel treated her so coolly, why be nice to him? He didn't appreciate her truce but preferred to stay that ignorant, sullen prick who—
"Right now. Pack your things."
Another inimical reply tingled on her tongue, but she swallowed it and instead ground her teeth.
"Joel?"
He barely even twitched a lash, which bewildered her. How was he able not to shriek in startlement the way she usually did when someone suddenly raised their voice at her?
"What?"
"You know all about the world before the outbreak," she carefully asked, not wanting to upset him at once but to feel her way slowly.
"Is that a question?"
"No. I mean, I assume that you know all about the world before the outbreak."
Finally, his neck turned, and his dark eyes scanned her earnest expression. For once, Amy had a genuine interest in the answer to the question she was about to ask and didn't plan to taunt him.
"Yeah. Why?" he growled, his eyes flashing suspiciously.
"Can you tell me about it?"
"What?"
Scoffing harshly, Joel pulled up his shoulders, picking up the pace slightly as though to flee from her annoying questions. But Amy wouldn't give up. What did it matter anyway? In two hours, they would arrive at the place of those two guys who would hopefully take care of her, and she could say goodbye to Joel. Even if she was sinking lower in his estimation, Amy would forget all about that and this strange man in the coming days and never feel any consequences of their fighting for the rest of her life.
"I wanna know about how you lived. What you did all day."
"Didn't you have parents to tell ya about it? School?"
"My parents died when I was young."
She had told that piece of information to Tess the other day, and until now, Amy had believed that Joel had shamelessly eavesdropped on the two of them.
"So school."
"C'mon. I went to FEDRA school, okay? We didn't learn about... you know, the real daily lives of people. We learned about history and science. But not that. Besides, that was years ago."
"What do you wanna know, then, mhm?" Joel sighed like there was nothing he was less keen to do than have this conversation with Amy.
"What did you do when there was nothing else to do?"
He thought about it for a few seconds, his wrinkled forehead furrowed.
"Sometimes I read books. Or I played the guitar."
"You play guitar?" Amy asked, her features involuntarily drawing with interest and even delight.
Well, that was fascinating. She had once seen a couple of kids in FEDRA school play a ukulele, but she only knew what a guitar sounded like from TVs and her headphones. Joel, on the other hand, looked like he instantly regretted telling her about that part of his history and would have liked to take it back.
"I did. Yeah."
"That's nice. My mother played the piano before the outbreak. She even had lessons."
Amy absent-mindedly kicked a stone away, smiling at the memories that were more than blurry in her mind, but whenever she focused on them with all her willpower, she swore she could see her mother's ash-blond locks, as well as the dimples on her face.
"Great. Congrats, I guess."
"Fuck you," she hissed, the lines around her mouth pulling taut in an instant.
"You were the one who started this."
"Yeah, because I prefer to talk about something instead of boring myself to death."
The two of them remained silent for a beat, both mulling over what to say next, though Amy first and foremost contemplated whether it was worth forcefully keeping up their conversation.
"You're from Texas, aren't you?"
For the first time, surprise flickered across his face, though it was short-lived and faint.
"Yeah. How do you know?"
"Your accent. Obviously."
"Oh, sorry, Miss I-went-to-FEDRA-school."
Amy's eyebrows shot together, her eyes squeezing into two small slits.
"Do I sound like I'm proud that I went there?"
"No. But you're a smartass."
Joel looked fully unbothered by their argument, which only increased the temperature of the searing blood rushing through her veins.
"You got a strong accent. I'm gonna guess... Dallas?"
"Austin."
"Close."
"Not really."
Amy rolled her eyes, chewing on the inside of her cheek. "Austin... I went there once."
"Congratulations."
Deciding to just ignore his scathing comments, she continued speaking like she was the only one there.
"I can't remember, obviously. I must've been... three. But I have a photo."
"I don't wanna see."
"I didn't offer to show it to you, did I?" Amy sneered loudly, her jaw so tight she felt as though she were about to crack a tooth.
"Whatever. Are you done now?"
"What was your job before the outbreak?"
"None of your fuckin' business."
Amy halted, which seemed to catch him off guard, his feet coming to an abrupt stop as well. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah?" Joel shrugged.
"Oh my god, you're the child here, you know that?"
She lengthened her stride and suddenly set in motion. For once, she felt like she had the upper hand, like she was the reasonable, balanced adult rather than the needy child.
"I was a contractor. You know what that is?" Joel blurted after a short pause.
"Yes," Amy lied and stubbornly glared ahead of her, though the sun stung her eyes. It was a tolerable pill to swallow if it meant remaining the one with a clear head.
"What about you, mhm?"
"I was four years old when the outbreak happened," she hissed through gritted teeth, her chin high in the sky.
"I know, smartass. What was your job before Marlene picked you up? Did FEDRA pay you to be their break clown?"
"Funny," she scorned and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I worked in a shop that repaired clothes and shoes. Sometimes electronics too."
"Mhm," Joel snorted, showing no interest at all, but Amy hadn't expected anything else, even though he had been the one to ask.
"What about..." she started, but her voice trailed off, remembering one of the core rules Joel had told her.
No mention of Tess.
Even though her need to say something about the incident that had occurred the other day, as well as her curiosity, wasn't slaked yet, she was hesitant to strain Joel's nerves by bringing her up again, which was why she bit her tongue.
"What?" he snapped, his jaw flexing.
"Nothing."
"Do that more often."
Amy frowned, then put her confusion into words. "What?"
"Remembering to keep your mouth shut," Joel answered without a trace of amusement or anger in his tone. It was pure neutrality. Cold, distant indifference.
Amy's mouth opened, the words bubbling in her throat, but Joel actually had the audacity to cut her off and even lift his hand.
"No. Shut up."
She hated how much it got to her. How infuriated and livid his words made her feel, how hurt she felt deep inside despite knowing that this man was an insignificant, irrelevant person in her life and that his opinions and feelings toward her didn't matter at all.
Joel most definitely wasn't the first to willfully insult her or humiliate her with the phrases tumbling out of his mouth, but perhaps she had just never gotten used to it over the course of the past twenty-four years of her life.
Amy's mouth tightened, her hands forming fists, which she shoved deep inside the pockets of her jacket. Fine, if he wanted to behave like an imbecile, she would simply dwell on her own thoughts and not pay any attention to him until she absolutely needed to.
Two hours later, Joel cleared his throat, jutting his shoulder out to signal to Amy that the fence they were about to reach was the one they were searching for.
"Is that their home?" she asked, softly whistling at the sight of the heavy gate. She had expected a lot of things, but she had presumed that an abandoned cabin would be more likely than a whole goddamn town.
"Yeah. That's it..."
"Do you know the code?" Amy peered at Joel's profile. He seemed lost in his thoughts for a heartbeat before his body flinched and he cleared his throat for a second time.
"Yeah. Step aside."
His fingers flying over the number pad, Joel had his eyebrows low on his face, his features contorted with deep focus.
"Is... everything fine?"
"Yeah. Why shouldn't it be?" he answered and opened the gate, leading to a broad path that meandered through a town that looked both desolate and inhabited at the same time.
The houses were clean and tidy, not grey and splintered like the facades of the buildings Amy was used to in the QZ. Some even looked rather friendly with their planted front gardens and the colorful sunflowers that seemed to smile at her.
It was... unreal. A strange dream.
This was exactly what Amy had imagined neighborhoods in the rural areas of the country to look like before the outbreak. Whoever Bill and Frank were, they either had gone crazy, were geniuses, or had gotten very lucky and FEDRA had missed that little town in the middle of Massachusetts.
"Joel?" Amy whispered while Joel guided the two of them to one of the houses at the end of the street. It was just as well maintained as the rest of them, with a plant bed next to it, the lawn neatly trimmed, and the door painted a bright yellow, but it didn't look as untouched as the rest.
"What?" He seemed to be elsewhere with his thoughts.
"What the fuck is going on here?"
"What do you mean?" Joel barked, like the answer was right there on the table for everyone to see.
"What is this place?"
"Bill. He was a survivalist before the outbreak. You know what the government did in the first weeks of the outbreak?"
Amy looked up at him, surprised by Joel giving her the explanation she had asked for. "No."
"They evacuated most of the cities in this area. Well, Bill didn't want that, so he locked himself in the basement of his house, waited for everyone to leave, and then built his place."
"So he... he's been living here for twenty years?"
Joel shrugged faintly, pursing his lips as they stepped onto the porch of the house. "Yeah. I don't think there're many people on this continent who are livin' better lives."
Pushing the handle down, his eyes narrowed. It opened without any resistance.
"Stay by the door," he instructed Amy, whose gaze curiously drifted around the hallway, the paintings on the wall, and the flower bouquets on a wooden cupboard. Their heads were drooped, the stems starting to wilt, but they still couldn't have been picked more than a week ago.
"Where are they?" Amy whispered, somehow feeling intimidated by the house despite its beauty.
"I don't know. Stay here, I'll be right back."
She watched the dark-haired back of his head disappear through a door, then turned toward the canvases. Most of them depicted landscapes: flower meadows, mountains piling up at the horizon, and enraged storm clouds that looked on the verge of exploding, colored in all different shades of blue and purple.
Amy smiled gently, wondering which of the two men living here was the artist. Probably Frank. She couldn't picture a survivalist bringing such softness as the orange-pink flowers on the painting by the door to life.
When Joel hadn't returned after another minute, Amy slowly strolled through another door that led her to the living room.
It was just as lovingly decorated, only in here, the absence of any living creature became even more apparent.
On the table, rotten food sat on elegant porcelain lined with gold details on the rim. Amy could spot a wine bottle, two glasses that were completely empty, and dust that had gathered upon the surface.
This didn't look good.
There were endless possibilities running through Amy's mind, but every single one had an ugly undertone.
Joel appeared suddenly, his face rigid and dour as ever, though he had his head lowered. She pieced the puzzle together automatically, and when her eyes fell upon a letter on the coffee table, she had to gulp.
"Are they..." she began but didn't feel the need to finish the thought in front of Joel.
"Yes."
"Shit. I'm sorry."
She had no idea how close Joel had been with the two men. Hell, she didn't even have a clue whether Joel was generally capable of close human relationships, but Amy had learned to offer her condolences when someone's friend had passed.
Nodding once, Joel clenched his hands into fists, his eyes landing on the letter as well. Contrary to what she had thought would happen, he didn't move at once. He just kept his gaze fixed on the item as though his stare could magically make the paper levitate in his direction. But then his broad body moved so suddenly that Amy flinched.
In order to give Joel some peace while he read the words, she observed all the different furnishings closely, such as the olive-colored couch, the wall decorations, the lamps, and the calendar by the kitchen door.
Just when she was about to examine the leftovers of the food on their plates, Joel abruptly slammed the letter back onto the table.
To say that Amy was curious was an understatement. She would have loved to find out what exactly had happened to Bill and Frank, why they had ended it that way, and what words they had felt the need to write to Joel, but she didn't want to risk pissing him off further. Amy had lost people too, and even without having more insight into Joel's relationships, she suspected that an inquisition wasn't what he wished for right now.
"Get up."
His cutting voice made the air around her vibrate. Her body reacted automatically, her feet planting in front of him.
"Okay. Here's what's gonna happen." Joel sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair like he was still doubtful about what he was going to say. "We're gonna grab all the supplies we can find. Bill and Frank left us all they have, their food, their weapons, their clothes, their... car."
Joel's voice stammered, his eyes scurrying across Amy's face.
"We're gonna take whatever we can grab. Fill the car with it. Then we're gonna go west. My brother is... west. In Wyoming. He used to be a firefly so he might know where they are."
She didn't answer at once, just glaring back at Joel, whose jaw and neck were still stiff.
"Okay," she whispered after a while and grabbed the ends of her sleeves just to keep her hands busy.
"But if we do that, we're gonna set up some rules." Joel's teeth clenched. "You're gonna do as I say. When I tell you to shut up, you shut up. When I tell you to move, you move. When I tell you to stay somewhere, you don't move. Am I clear?"
Amy nodded slowly, feeling cowed by the sharpness in his voice.
"Say it."
"I understand. I'm gonna do as you say."
His head swayed slowly, his eyes moving away from her face at last to properly take in the room for the first time.
"Okay. We're gonna go through the rooms on the second floor and put the stuff we need in bags. C'mon."
She inhaled deeply, thoughts swirling rapidly through her head. All the plans she had silently made, her idea of how things were going to go once they arrived here, were thrown overboard.
And Amy didn't even have time to process all of it as Joel was already striding toward the staircase.
Contains: violence, death, canon typical themes, fighting, angst, tension, strong language, hostility, Joel being Joel, references to past trauma, they both need a hug
Wordcount: 5,587
Masterlist of this story
Masterlist
Joel stuffed his water bottle back inside his bag, glancing up to watch Amy pull her jacket tighter around her body. She was clearly freezing, given the way her shoulders were hauled up to her ears, shaky hands shoved inside her pockets.
"Here."
He peeled his jacket off and dangled it in front of her to grab it. She didn't though, which irritated him.
"Take it."
"I don't need it."
"You clearly do. You're freezin'."
She released a breath, making Joel believe that she was about to give in, but her hands remained snug within her pockets.
"I don't want it."
"Why?" His tone was harsh and cold, but Jesus, his composure was about to snap with her stubbornness, her way of contradicting him for no reason. Hell, it was better for both of them if she didn't get sick. It would certainly spare him many complaints from her.
"I just don't want it."
"Take it. Or you're gonna get sick."
Finally, her trembling hand slowly stretched toward him, catching the piece of clothing Joel dropped.
"You gotta drink some water. We're gonna keep walkin' in five minutes."
"I'm not a child. You don't have to remind me when to drink fuckin' water."
Though his mood had just calmed down as she had followed his order, new rage was brewing in his belly at once. Shit, his nerves were thin after everything that had happened, he didn't need another quarrel with Amy that only had one purpose: agitating his anger.
"I'm supposed to look out for you, you understand that? That's what I promised Marlene, and it's – what I promised 'er." His voice quivered ever so slightly, hopefully in a way that would go by unnoticed by Amy.
"I'm gonna get ya to Bill and Frank, so for me to do that, I can't have ya pass out from dehydration after a fucking mile. Do you understand me or is there anything unclear about that?"
"Who are Bill and Frank?" Amy asked, but she was met with a steep groan, nothing else.
"Joel."
"What?" he barked and fastened the straps of his rucksack, thinking that her ungrateful ass didn't deserve the five minute break he had promised her.
"It's not my fault Tess did that. I… I'm sorry that it happened, but I – I mean if you blame me, I… I just – She got infected. That sucks, but that's not my fault."
"Get up," Joel uttered, hands clenched into fists that hopefully prevented him from driving his fist into a tree close by.
"What, you just don't wanna talk about it?"
"No I don't. I want you to keep your mouth shut about Tess, about anything that's got to do with her – actually, you can just keep your mouth shut the entire time."
In Joel's mind, that was all that needed to be said, which was why he set off while Amy hurried up to catch up to him, clearly startled by the severity of his words. Fortunately, she followed his advice that was more closely related to an instruction than to guidance.
For a while, Joel and Amy were hiking through the forest side by side, Joel's eyes strictly ahead on the road while Amy's were scurrying around as if she were trying to suck in every scene from every angle. Had this girl never seen an abandoned city or a forest before? Where the hell had she grown up?
"How many days is it gonna take? To get to – Bill and Frank."
He scarcely even reacted, just his pupils snapping to the left for a beat before they found their familiar spot on the ground again.
"We're gonna be there tomorrow. Afternoon, probably."
"Can you tell me who they are?"
"Friends."
Amy nodded slowly, at least that was what he could assume she was doing after darting a glance at her from the corner of his eye.
"Of yours or of Tess's?"
"Both."
"Are you angry at me or something?"
"Are you fucking kiddin' me?" He finally shot her a furious look that seemed to make her remember something. Whom she was talking to, hopefully. Amy looked like she was shrinking beneath his gaze, her throat bulging as she swallowed hard.
"I told you that I – "
"No, I told you to keep your mouth shut, didn't I?" Joel exhaled unevenly, his breath a little shaky, which irritated him.
"I'm sorry about what happened. I really am. But what you're doing is very unfair, and I think it's gonna make this even more difficult."
Despite his initial urge to tell her to shut up once more, he couldn't help but shoot back another snarky reply.
"This? What is this? There is nothing. I'm gonna leave you with Bill and Frank tomorrow, and after that, we're never gonna see each other again. You better already forget my face."
"You're a real asshole, you know that? You've been treating me like a fucking monster from the start and now you're blaming me for Tess's death and I'm not even saying –"
Joel's hand extended suddenly, grabbing Amy by her shoulder. His fingers dug into her flesh forcefully, most likely creating a mark at that very moment, but if it was what it would take for her to learn her lesson, Joel gladly accepted it.
"I told you not to talk about her. Don't say her name. Don't mention her. You know that I could leave you out here, don't you? Maybe you're immune to the cordyceps but that doesn't mean that you can't be ripped apart by infected. Or by fucking wolves. So if you wanna survive, you. Don't. Mention. Her."
Amy squirmed under his grip, but then she nodded weakly, rubbing her arm for the second time today once he had let go.
This time, Joel didn't tell her to start moving. He was so done with her behavior, he might as well throw up in the bushes and hope that his upset stomach would settle down. Maybe he would have done so, if the food inside his belly hadn't been too precious.
Two hours later, Joel and Amy set camp in the middle of the forest.
Since they didn't have any sleeping bags with them, they had to use their jackets as bedding and wrap themselves in all the clothes they possessed, which weren't a lot, but it would have to suffice for tonight.
They spread them out in utter silence, sat down in silence and even spent most of their dinner in silence. They were busy chewing anyway, Joel found. When Amy was just about to finish the second of her delicious-looking sandwiches Marlene had given her as provisions for her journey, she raised her raspy voice for the first time in hours.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Depends," was his short response.
"What are you gonna do after you bring me to Bill and Frank? Are you gonna head back to the QZ?"
Obviously, it was none of her business. He had no obligation to share any of his ideas or plans for the future with her.
"No. I'm gonna find my brother."
"Your brother? Where is he?"
Joel sighed faintly, taking a bite from the dried bacon he had found in the last forgotten corner of his bag. It was really time to get to Bill and Frank, get a proper meal and trade for food and other supplies he was in need of.
"I don't know. If I knew, I wouldn't have to find him, would I?"
"No, I mean, do you have a rough idea?"
"Yeah."
Amy waited, clearly expecting him to add something else, but when he didn't speak, she opened her mouth again. This time, Joel was faster, though.
"Eat up. Then get some sleep."
"Sleep," Amy scoffed, pointedly glancing at the pile of clothes beneath her. "I don't think I'm gonna be able to."
"Why?" Joel asked before he could have possibly stopped himself.
"No, it's okay… Just – you know… The cold. And we're in the middle of fucking nowhere. But it's fine, it's gonna have to do."
Amy avoided his gaze as she pulled her legs to her chest, resting her chin on her kneecap. He waited without knowing what for.
"Take it." He took off his jacket like he had done earlier, shoving it roughly against her chest, but Joel assumed that she would be grateful regardless.
"Really?"
"Yes. I'll be fine."
In truth, there was no real answer for why he felt generous enough to forgo the piece of clothing to ensure she experienced more comfort during the night. The only thing Joel could come up with to justify his action was the sight of her small frame, her pale face, as well as her ensnared fingers. She looked helpless and scared. She most certainly didn't deserve his kindness, but the sight moved him in some way. It was an instinct, not a conscious choice. Besides, he didn't want her to freeze to death under his watch.
"Thank you."
Joel nodded briefly, then glanced at the rest of her sandwich.
"Now eat. It's also gonna help you with the cold. And don't fuckin' tell me that you don't wanna be treated like a child. I'm just tryna make ya stay alive."
Amy swallowed heavily but followed his advice without another snappy comment, which pacified his thrumming heart at last.
After she was done, and Joel was too, there was no reason to stay awake another minute, so he spread out his clothes a little more and lay down on his side, facing the deserted expanses of the forest. Even he had to admit that the gnarled, thin branches looked eerie, reminding him of the slender wrists of ghosts or monsters. He wondered if Amy felt that way too.
"Joel?"
It was as though she had read his thoughts.
"What?" he snapped in the opposite direction.
He heard some rustling as she lay down as well, buried underneath a pile of clothes that would ideally keep her warm during the night.
"We should keep watch, shouldn’t we?"
"Not here."
"Why?"
He stirred slightly, turning on his back but not yet changing his orientation. An owl cried nearby, and somewhere farther away a wolf barked.
"'Cause there ain't gonna be anyone here."
"What about infected?"
"Clickers won't see us, and we won't make any sound tonight. And we're not gonna keep on any light. We should be fine."
Joel closed his eyes. Still, it felt like the conversation wasn't over yet. In her mind, at least.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, goddamnit. Now sleep. Or you're gonna attract raiders with your voice."
"Raiders?"
Groaning softly, Joel turned toward her at last, though all he could see of her face were her eyes. Amy had pulled her sweatshirt up to cover her mouth and nose, while the hood was hiding her hair and brow.
"They won't come here. Why should they? Unless we make any light or noise. Now sleep. It will be easiest if you sleep. It's just a second, and then it will be the next day."
"But for that, I have to fall asleep first..."
Amy received no answer.
Joel could see her nose scrunch before he turned on his back again, glaring up at the night sky. It was cloudy with the exception of a small gap within the opaque veil, which showed him a glimpse of the silvery moon. Everything about the sight only added to the mysterious, unearthly feeling that lay upon the forest.
The next night would be easier. Perhaps he could even spend it in a comfortable bed within the safe walls of Bill and Frank's house, if they would be kind enough to let him stay for the night before they took Amy to Colorado.
Yes, a bed would be good, even if it was just for one night.
Amy
Amy woke up so suddenly, her heart jumped in her chest. She blinked a few times into the sun, thinking that she couldn't remember the last time she had been woken up by nature. By the natural daily cycle.
The next thing she noticed was the biting cold unfurling across her calves. She must have moved in her sleep, which had caused her jeans to ride up her legs. Quickly, she adjusted her clothes, tucked the end of Joel's jacket underneath her body, and turned around to see if he was awake yet.
Just when she looked at his face, a muscle twitched in his cheek, but he appeared to be soundly asleep with his steadily rising chest. Was she supposed to wake him up? Were they in a hurry to reach the ominous Bill and Frank as soon as possible? Or did Joel place value in a long, restful night before the last stage of their travels?
Amy decided to delay her decision until later and folded her hands on top of her stomach, covered by his jacket, of course. It smelled good, she had to admit. Not scruffy or sweaty as she had expected. Obviously, she didn't feel like she was burying her nose in a flower meadow, but the scent reminded her of wood and leather. Yeah, that fit with the picture of Joel that had formed in her head over the past day.
Wood and leather. Hardness. Strength. Uncompromising doggedness. Generosity, maybe? Amy wasn't sure yet. After all, he had willingly given her his jacket the night before, which had warmed her up in a way that hadn't been enough to keep every part of her body completely comfortable, but she didn't want to know how much worse it would have been without it.
So was there a soft side to him? Or had he only been driven by his hunger for Marlene's reward that awaited him after he had delivered her to her?
Amy would have rather bitten off her own tongue than even just say it out loud when no one else was around, but she wasn't utterly immune to his protection the way she was immune to the cordyceps. Unless, of course, there had been a different reason why she had felt the skin of her forearms prickle and why she had had to swallow extra hard to make the lump in her throat disappear.
Secretly, Amy suspected that her reaction was rooted somewhere in the past twenty years of her life, though she didn't care to go back to that place too extensively. No matter how awfully and rudely Joel treated her, at least he made sure she didn't get killed on her way to Bill and Frank. And that was something that got to her, no matter if she liked it or not. It was simply too easy to feel safe in Joel's presence, even though she might have gone insane for thinking that way.
He was impolite and mean to her, leaving no opportunity to make her feel dumb and unimportant. But at least he protected her. Not in a selfless and amiable way like Amy had always wished for growing up, but the outcome was just the same. Besides, it wasn't like she could control her body's reaction anyway.
Amy was ripped from her thoughts when the bunch of clothes next to her shifted. After some blinking and a low groan, Joel straightened up, his hair messed up and standing in all directions, which indicated that he had been just as restless as she had.
"Morning," Amy whispered and sat up as well.
"Mhm," he just grunted in response, making her doubt her attitude toward him all over again. Maybe he was just an arrogant, impudent asshole who couldn't have cared less about her life. Maybe he was just dreaming of getting rid of her as fast as possible and showed brief signs of cordiality so Amy wouldn't run away from him.
Did she have a choice, though? She wouldn't survive a day in the wild, and once she had eaten all her food, her end would be imminent.
Ten minutes later, Joel and Amy were nibbling at their food, which couldn't have been more different. She was chewing another one of her sandwiches, whereas Joel had to content himself with a few slices of plain bread and some almonds.
"Do you want some?" Amy said after a while, holding out the last remaining sandwich.
It was precious to her, sure, especially in case she actually ended up alone out here. But if Joel would understand it as some kind of peace offering, it might be worth a shot.
It wasn't like Amy was eager to uphold the ongoing dispute with him, though she had felt hostile toward him in the beginning. But now, with Tess gone and her supplies fading away, she sort of depended on him until Joel had brought her to his friends, who might be a little friendlier. She would surely benefit from him changing his feelings toward her and brightening his mood.
"No."
Great. So he was grumpy again. Perhaps it was just his nature, and there wasn't anything she could do about it. How had Tess handled that? Amy was seriously curious to know.
"Fine," she scoffed, putting the sandwich back inside the plastic bag with more force than necessary. "When are we gonna leave?"
If Joel treated her so coolly, why be nice to him? He didn't appreciate her truce but preferred to stay that ignorant, sullen prick who—
"Right now. Pack your things."
Another inimical reply tingled on her tongue, but she swallowed it and instead ground her teeth.
"Joel?"
He barely even twitched a lash, which bewildered her. How was he able not to shriek in startlement the way she usually did when someone suddenly raised their voice at her?
"What?"
"You know all about the world before the outbreak," she carefully asked, not wanting to upset him at once but to feel her way slowly.
"Is that a question?"
"No. I mean, I assume that you know all about the world before the outbreak."
Finally, his neck turned, and his dark eyes scanned her earnest expression. For once, Amy had a genuine interest in the answer to the question she was about to ask and didn't plan to taunt him.
"Yeah. Why?" he growled, his eyes flashing suspiciously.
"Can you tell me about it?"
"What?"
Scoffing harshly, Joel pulled up his shoulders, picking up the pace slightly as though to flee from her annoying questions. But Amy wouldn't give up. What did it matter anyway? In two hours, they would arrive at the place of those two guys who would hopefully take care of her, and she could say goodbye to Joel. Even if she was sinking lower in his estimation, Amy would forget all about that and this strange man in the coming days and never feel any consequences of their fighting for the rest of her life.
"I wanna know about how you lived. What you did all day."
"Didn't you have parents to tell ya about it? School?"
"My parents died when I was young."
She had told that piece of information to Tess the other day, and until now, Amy had believed that Joel had shamelessly eavesdropped on the two of them.
"So school."
"C'mon. I went to FEDRA school, okay? We didn't learn about... you know, the real daily lives of people. We learned about history and science. But not that. Besides, that was years ago."
"What do you wanna know, then, mhm?" Joel sighed like there was nothing he was less keen to do than have this conversation with Amy.
"What did you do when there was nothing else to do?"
He thought about it for a few seconds, his wrinkled forehead furrowed.
"Sometimes I read books. Or I played the guitar."
"You play guitar?" Amy asked, her features involuntarily drawing with interest and even delight.
Well, that was fascinating. She had once seen a couple of kids in FEDRA school play a ukulele, but she only knew what a guitar sounded like from TVs and her headphones. Joel, on the other hand, looked like he instantly regretted telling her about that part of his history and would have liked to take it back.
"I did. Yeah."
"That's nice. My mother played the piano before the outbreak. She even had lessons."
Amy absent-mindedly kicked a stone away, smiling at the memories that were more than blurry in her mind, but whenever she focused on them with all her willpower, she swore she could see her mother's ash-blond locks, as well as the dimples on her face.
"Great. Congrats, I guess."
"Fuck you," she hissed, the lines around her mouth pulling taut in an instant.
"You were the one who started this."
"Yeah, because I prefer to talk about something instead of boring myself to death."
The two of them remained silent for a beat, both mulling over what to say next, though Amy first and foremost contemplated whether it was worth forcefully keeping up their conversation.
"You're from Texas, aren't you?"
For the first time, surprise flickered across his face, though it was short-lived and faint.
"Yeah. How do you know?"
"Your accent. Obviously."
"Oh, sorry, Miss I-went-to-FEDRA-school."
Amy's eyebrows shot together, her eyes squeezing into two small slits.
"Do I sound like I'm proud that I went there?"
"No. But you're a smartass."
Joel looked fully unbothered by their argument, which only increased the temperature of the searing blood rushing through her veins.
"You got a strong accent. I'm gonna guess... Dallas?"
"Austin."
"Close."
"Not really."
Amy rolled her eyes, chewing on the inside of her cheek. "Austin... I went there once."
"Congratulations."
Deciding to just ignore his scathing comments, she continued speaking like she was the only one there.
"I can't remember, obviously. I must've been... three. But I have a photo."
"I don't wanna see."
"I didn't offer to show it to you, did I?" Amy sneered loudly, her jaw so tight she felt as though she were about to crack a tooth.
"Whatever. Are you done now?"
"What was your job before the outbreak?"
"None of your fuckin' business."
Amy halted, which seemed to catch him off guard, his feet coming to an abrupt stop as well. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah?" Joel shrugged.
"Oh my god, you're the child here, you know that?"
She lengthened her stride and suddenly set in motion. For once, she felt like she had the upper hand, like she was the reasonable, balanced adult rather than the needy child.
"I was a contractor. You know what that is?" Joel blurted after a short pause.
"Yes," Amy lied and stubbornly glared ahead of her, though the sun stung her eyes. It was a tolerable pill to swallow if it meant remaining the one with a clear head.
"What about you, mhm?"
"I was four years old when the outbreak happened," she hissed through gritted teeth, her chin high in the sky.
"I know, smartass. What was your job before Marlene picked you up? Did FEDRA pay you to be their break clown?"
"Funny," she scorned and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I worked in a shop that repaired clothes and shoes. Sometimes electronics too."
"Mhm," Joel snorted, showing no interest at all, but Amy hadn't expected anything else, even though he had been the one to ask.
"What about..." she started, but her voice trailed off, remembering one of the core rules Joel had told her.
No mention of Tess.
Even though her need to say something about the incident that had occurred the other day, as well as her curiosity, wasn't slaked yet, she was hesitant to strain Joel's nerves by bringing her up again, which was why she bit her tongue.
"What?" he snapped, his jaw flexing.
"Nothing."
"Do that more often."
Amy frowned, then put her confusion into words. "What?"
"Remembering to keep your mouth shut," Joel answered without a trace of amusement or anger in his tone. It was pure neutrality. Cold, distant indifference.
Amy's mouth opened, the words bubbling in her throat, but Joel actually had the audacity to cut her off and even lift his hand.
"No. Shut up."
She hated how much it got to her. How infuriated and livid his words made her feel, how hurt she felt deep inside despite knowing that this man was an insignificant, irrelevant person in her life and that his opinions and feelings toward her didn't matter at all.
Joel most definitely wasn't the first to willfully insult her or humiliate her with the phrases tumbling out of his mouth, but perhaps she had just never gotten used to it over the course of the past twenty-four years of her life.
Amy's mouth tightened, her hands forming fists, which she shoved deep inside the pockets of her jacket. Fine, if he wanted to behave like an imbecile, she would simply dwell on her own thoughts and not pay any attention to him until she absolutely needed to.
Two hours later, Joel cleared his throat, jutting his shoulder out to signal to Amy that the fence they were about to reach was the one they were searching for.
"Is that their home?" she asked, softly whistling at the sight of the heavy gate. She had expected a lot of things, but she had presumed that an abandoned cabin would be more likely than a whole goddamn town.
"Yeah. That's it..."
"Do you know the code?" Amy peered at Joel's profile. He seemed lost in his thoughts for a heartbeat before his body flinched and he cleared his throat for a second time.
"Yeah. Step aside."
His fingers flying over the number pad, Joel had his eyebrows low on his face, his features contorted with deep focus.
"Is... everything fine?"
"Yeah. Why shouldn't it be?" he answered and opened the gate, leading to a broad path that meandered through a town that looked both desolate and inhabited at the same time.
The houses were clean and tidy, not grey and splintered like the facades of the buildings Amy was used to in the QZ. Some even looked rather friendly with their planted front gardens and the colorful sunflowers that seemed to smile at her.
It was... unreal. A strange dream.
This was exactly what Amy had imagined neighborhoods in the rural areas of the country to look like before the outbreak. Whoever Bill and Frank were, they either had gone crazy, were geniuses, or had gotten very lucky and FEDRA had missed that little town in the middle of Massachusetts.
"Joel?" Amy whispered while Joel guided the two of them to one of the houses at the end of the street. It was just as well maintained as the rest of them, with a plant bed next to it, the lawn neatly trimmed, and the door painted a bright yellow, but it didn't look as untouched as the rest.
"What?" He seemed to be elsewhere with his thoughts.
"What the fuck is going on here?"
"What do you mean?" Joel barked, like the answer was right there on the table for everyone to see.
"What is this place?"
"Bill. He was a survivalist before the outbreak. You know what the government did in the first weeks of the outbreak?"
Amy looked up at him, surprised by Joel giving her the explanation she had asked for. "No."
"They evacuated most of the cities in this area. Well, Bill didn't want that, so he locked himself in the basement of his house, waited for everyone to leave, and then built his place."
"So he... he's been living here for twenty years?"
Joel shrugged faintly, pursing his lips as they stepped onto the porch of the house. "Yeah. I don't think there're many people on this continent who are livin' better lives."
Pushing the handle down, his eyes narrowed. It opened without any resistance.
"Stay by the door," he instructed Amy, whose gaze curiously drifted around the hallway, the paintings on the wall, and the flower bouquets on a wooden cupboard. Their heads were drooped, the stems starting to wilt, but they still couldn't have been picked more than a week ago.
"Where are they?" Amy whispered, somehow feeling intimidated by the house despite its beauty.
"I don't know. Stay here, I'll be right back."
She watched the dark-haired back of his head disappear through a door, then turned toward the canvases. Most of them depicted landscapes: flower meadows, mountains piling up at the horizon, and enraged storm clouds that looked on the verge of exploding, colored in all different shades of blue and purple.
Amy smiled gently, wondering which of the two men living here was the artist. Probably Frank. She couldn't picture a survivalist bringing such softness as the orange-pink flowers on the painting by the door to life.
When Joel hadn't returned after another minute, Amy slowly strolled through another door that led her to the living room.
It was just as lovingly decorated, only in here, the absence of any living creature became even more apparent.
On the table, rotten food sat on elegant porcelain lined with gold details on the rim. Amy could spot a wine bottle, two glasses that were completely empty, and dust that had gathered upon the surface.
This didn't look good.
There were endless possibilities running through Amy's mind, but every single one had an ugly undertone.
Joel appeared suddenly, his face rigid and dour as ever, though he had his head lowered. She pieced the puzzle together automatically, and when her eyes fell upon a letter on the coffee table, she had to gulp.
"Are they..." she began but didn't feel the need to finish the thought in front of Joel.
"Yes."
"Shit. I'm sorry."
She had no idea how close Joel had been with the two men. Hell, she didn't even have a clue whether Joel was generally capable of close human relationships, but Amy had learned to offer her condolences when someone's friend had passed.
Nodding once, Joel clenched his hands into fists, his eyes landing on the letter as well. Contrary to what she had thought would happen, he didn't move at once. He just kept his gaze fixed on the item as though his stare could magically make the paper levitate in his direction. But then his broad body moved so suddenly that Amy flinched.
In order to give Joel some peace while he read the words, she observed all the different furnishings closely, such as the olive-colored couch, the wall decorations, the lamps, and the calendar by the kitchen door.
Just when she was about to examine the leftovers of the food on their plates, Joel abruptly slammed the letter back onto the table.
To say that Amy was curious was an understatement. She would have loved to find out what exactly had happened to Bill and Frank, why they had ended it that way, and what words they had felt the need to write to Joel, but she didn't want to risk pissing him off further. Amy had lost people too, and even without having more insight into Joel's relationships, she suspected that an inquisition wasn't what he wished for right now.
"Get up."
His cutting voice made the air around her vibrate. Her body reacted automatically, her feet planting in front of him.
"Okay. Here's what's gonna happen." Joel sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair like he was still doubtful about what he was going to say. "We're gonna grab all the supplies we can find. Bill and Frank left us all they have, their food, their weapons, their clothes, their... car."
Joel's voice stammered, his eyes scurrying across Amy's face.
"We're gonna take whatever we can grab. Fill the car with it. Then we're gonna go west. My brother is... west. In Wyoming. He used to be a firefly so he might know where they are."
She didn't answer at once, just glaring back at Joel, whose jaw and neck were still stiff.
"Okay," she whispered after a while and grabbed the ends of her sleeves just to keep her hands busy.
"But if we do that, we're gonna set up some rules." Joel's teeth clenched. "You're gonna do as I say. When I tell you to shut up, you shut up. When I tell you to move, you move. When I tell you to stay somewhere, you don't move. Am I clear?"
Amy nodded slowly, feeling cowed by the sharpness in his voice.
"Say it."
"I understand. I'm gonna do as you say."
His head swayed slowly, his eyes moving away from her face at last to properly take in the room for the first time.
"Okay. We're gonna go through the rooms on the second floor and put the stuff we need in bags. C'mon."
She inhaled deeply, thoughts swirling rapidly through her head. All the plans she had silently made, her idea of how things were going to go once they arrived here, were thrown overboard.
And Amy didn't even have time to process all of it as Joel was already striding toward the staircase.
Contains: violence, death, canon typical themes, fighting, angst, tension, strong language, hostility, Joel being Joel, references to past trauma, they both need a hug
Wordcount: 5,587
Masterlist of this story
Masterlist
Joel stuffed his water bottle back inside his bag, glancing up to watch Amy pull her jacket tighter around her body. She was clearly freezing, given the way her shoulders were hauled up to her ears, shaky hands shoved inside her pockets.
"Here."
He peeled his jacket off and dangled it in front of her to grab it. She didn't though, which irritated him.
"Take it."
"I don't need it."
"You clearly do. You're freezin'."
She released a breath, making Joel believe that she was about to give in, but her hands remained snug within her pockets.
"I don't want it."
"Why?" His tone was harsh and cold, but Jesus, his composure was about to snap with her stubbornness, her way of contradicting him for no reason. Hell, it was better for both of them if she didn't get sick. It would certainly spare him many complaints from her.
"I just don't want it."
"Take it. Or you're gonna get sick."
Finally, her trembling hand slowly stretched toward him, catching the piece of clothing Joel dropped.
"You gotta drink some water. We're gonna keep walkin' in five minutes."
"I'm not a child. You don't have to remind me when to drink fuckin' water."
Though his mood had just calmed down as she had followed his order, new rage was brewing in his belly at once. Shit, his nerves were thin after everything that had happened, he didn't need another quarrel with Amy that only had one purpose: agitating his anger.
"I'm supposed to look out for you, you understand that? That's what I promised Marlene, and it's – what I promised 'er." His voice quivered ever so slightly, hopefully in a way that would go by unnoticed by Amy.
"I'm gonna get ya to Bill and Frank, so for me to do that, I can't have ya pass out from dehydration after a fucking mile. Do you understand me or is there anything unclear about that?"
"Who are Bill and Frank?" Amy asked, but she was met with a steep groan, nothing else.
"Joel."
"What?" he barked and fastened the straps of his rucksack, thinking that her ungrateful ass didn't deserve the five minute break he had promised her.
"It's not my fault Tess did that. I… I'm sorry that it happened, but I – I mean if you blame me, I… I just – She got infected. That sucks, but that's not my fault."
"Get up," Joel uttered, hands clenched into fists that hopefully prevented him from driving his fist into a tree close by.
"What, you just don't wanna talk about it?"
"No I don't. I want you to keep your mouth shut about Tess, about anything that's got to do with her – actually, you can just keep your mouth shut the entire time."
In Joel's mind, that was all that needed to be said, which was why he set off while Amy hurried up to catch up to him, clearly startled by the severity of his words. Fortunately, she followed his advice that was more closely related to an instruction than to guidance.
For a while, Joel and Amy were hiking through the forest side by side, Joel's eyes strictly ahead on the road while Amy's were scurrying around as if she were trying to suck in every scene from every angle. Had this girl never seen an abandoned city or a forest before? Where the hell had she grown up?
"How many days is it gonna take? To get to – Bill and Frank."
He scarcely even reacted, just his pupils snapping to the left for a beat before they found their familiar spot on the ground again.
"We're gonna be there tomorrow. Afternoon, probably."
"Can you tell me who they are?"
"Friends."
Amy nodded slowly, at least that was what he could assume she was doing after darting a glance at her from the corner of his eye.
"Of yours or of Tess's?"
"Both."
"Are you angry at me or something?"
"Are you fucking kiddin' me?" He finally shot her a furious look that seemed to make her remember something. Whom she was talking to, hopefully. Amy looked like she was shrinking beneath his gaze, her throat bulging as she swallowed hard.
"I told you that I – "
"No, I told you to keep your mouth shut, didn't I?" Joel exhaled unevenly, his breath a little shaky, which irritated him.
"I'm sorry about what happened. I really am. But what you're doing is very unfair, and I think it's gonna make this even more difficult."
Despite his initial urge to tell her to shut up once more, he couldn't help but shoot back another snarky reply.
"This? What is this? There is nothing. I'm gonna leave you with Bill and Frank tomorrow, and after that, we're never gonna see each other again. You better already forget my face."
"You're a real asshole, you know that? You've been treating me like a fucking monster from the start and now you're blaming me for Tess's death and I'm not even saying –"
Joel's hand extended suddenly, grabbing Amy by her shoulder. His fingers dug into her flesh forcefully, most likely creating a mark at that very moment, but if it was what it would take for her to learn her lesson, Joel gladly accepted it.
"I told you not to talk about her. Don't say her name. Don't mention her. You know that I could leave you out here, don't you? Maybe you're immune to the cordyceps but that doesn't mean that you can't be ripped apart by infected. Or by fucking wolves. So if you wanna survive, you. Don't. Mention. Her."
Amy squirmed under his grip, but then she nodded weakly, rubbing her arm for the second time today once he had let go.
This time, Joel didn't tell her to start moving. He was so done with her behavior, he might as well throw up in the bushes and hope that his upset stomach would settle down. Maybe he would have done so, if the food inside his belly hadn't been too precious.
Two hours later, Joel and Amy set camp in the middle of the forest.
Since they didn't have any sleeping bags with them, they had to use their jackets as bedding and wrap themselves in all the clothes they possessed, which weren't a lot, but it would have to suffice for tonight.
They spread them out in utter silence, sat down in silence and even spent most of their dinner in silence. They were busy chewing anyway, Joel found. When Amy was just about to finish the second of her delicious-looking sandwiches Marlene had given her as provisions for her journey, she raised her raspy voice for the first time in hours.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Depends," was his short response.
"What are you gonna do after you bring me to Bill and Frank? Are you gonna head back to the QZ?"
Obviously, it was none of her business. He had no obligation to share any of his ideas or plans for the future with her.
"No. I'm gonna find my brother."
"Your brother? Where is he?"
Joel sighed faintly, taking a bite from the dried bacon he had found in the last forgotten corner of his bag. It was really time to get to Bill and Frank, get a proper meal and trade for food and other supplies he was in need of.
"I don't know. If I knew, I wouldn't have to find him, would I?"
"No, I mean, do you have a rough idea?"
"Yeah."
Amy waited, clearly expecting him to add something else, but when he didn't speak, she opened her mouth again. This time, Joel was faster, though.
"Eat up. Then get some sleep."
"Sleep," Amy scoffed, pointedly glancing at the pile of clothes beneath her. "I don't think I'm gonna be able to."
"Why?" Joel asked before he could have possibly stopped himself.
"No, it's okay… Just – you know… The cold. And we're in the middle of fucking nowhere. But it's fine, it's gonna have to do."
Amy avoided his gaze as she pulled her legs to her chest, resting her chin on her kneecap. He waited without knowing what for.
"Take it." He took off his jacket like he had done earlier, shoving it roughly against her chest, but Joel assumed that she would be grateful regardless.
"Really?"
"Yes. I'll be fine."
In truth, there was no real answer for why he felt generous enough to forgo the piece of clothing to ensure she experienced more comfort during the night. The only thing Joel could come up with to justify his action was the sight of her small frame, her pale face, as well as her ensnared fingers. She looked helpless and scared. She most certainly didn't deserve his kindness, but the sight moved him in some way. It was an instinct, not a conscious choice. Besides, he didn't want her to freeze to death under his watch.
"Thank you."
Joel nodded briefly, then glanced at the rest of her sandwich.
"Now eat. It's also gonna help you with the cold. And don't fuckin' tell me that you don't wanna be treated like a child. I'm just tryna make ya stay alive."
Amy swallowed heavily but followed his advice without another snappy comment, which pacified his thrumming heart at last.
After she was done, and Joel was too, there was no reason to stay awake another minute, so he spread out his clothes a little more and lay down on his side, facing the deserted expanses of the forest. Even he had to admit that the gnarled, thin branches looked eerie, reminding him of the slender wrists of ghosts or monsters. He wondered if Amy felt that way too.
"Joel?"
It was as though she had read his thoughts.
"What?" he snapped in the opposite direction.
He heard some rustling as she lay down as well, buried underneath a pile of clothes that would ideally keep her warm during the night.
"We should keep watch, shouldn’t we?"
"Not here."
"Why?"
He stirred slightly, turning on his back but not yet changing his orientation. An owl cried nearby, and somewhere farther away a wolf barked.
"'Cause there ain't gonna be anyone here."
"What about infected?"
"Clickers won't see us, and we won't make any sound tonight. And we're not gonna keep on any light. We should be fine."
Joel closed his eyes. Still, it felt like the conversation wasn't over yet. In her mind, at least.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, goddamnit. Now sleep. Or you're gonna attract raiders with your voice."
"Raiders?"
Groaning softly, Joel turned toward her at last, though all he could see of her face were her eyes. Amy had pulled her sweatshirt up to cover her mouth and nose, while the hood was hiding her hair and brow.
"They won't come here. Why should they? Unless we make any light or noise. Now sleep. It will be easiest if you sleep. It's just a second, and then it will be the next day."
"But for that, I have to fall asleep first..."
Amy received no answer.
Joel could see her nose scrunch before he turned on his back again, glaring up at the night sky. It was cloudy with the exception of a small gap within the opaque veil, which showed him a glimpse of the silvery moon. Everything about the sight only added to the mysterious, unearthly feeling that lay upon the forest.
The next night would be easier. Perhaps he could even spend it in a comfortable bed within the safe walls of Bill and Frank's house, if they would be kind enough to let him stay for the night before they took Amy to Colorado.
Yes, a bed would be good, even if it was just for one night.
Amy
Amy woke up so suddenly, her heart jumped in her chest. She blinked a few times into the sun, thinking that she couldn't remember the last time she had been woken up by nature. By the natural daily cycle.
The next thing she noticed was the biting cold unfurling across her calves. She must have moved in her sleep, which had caused her jeans to ride up her legs. Quickly, she adjusted her clothes, tucked the end of Joel's jacket underneath her body, and turned around to see if he was awake yet.
Just when she looked at his face, a muscle twitched in his cheek, but he appeared to be soundly asleep with his steadily rising chest. Was she supposed to wake him up? Were they in a hurry to reach the ominous Bill and Frank as soon as possible? Or did Joel place value in a long, restful night before the last stage of their travels?
Amy decided to delay her decision until later and folded her hands on top of her stomach, covered by his jacket, of course. It smelled good, she had to admit. Not scruffy or sweaty as she had expected. Obviously, she didn't feel like she was burying her nose in a flower meadow, but the scent reminded her of wood and leather. Yeah, that fit with the picture of Joel that had formed in her head over the past day.
Wood and leather. Hardness. Strength. Uncompromising doggedness. Generosity, maybe? Amy wasn't sure yet. After all, he had willingly given her his jacket the night before, which had warmed her up in a way that hadn't been enough to keep every part of her body completely comfortable, but she didn't want to know how much worse it would have been without it.
So was there a soft side to him? Or had he only been driven by his hunger for Marlene's reward that awaited him after he had delivered her to her?
Amy would have rather bitten off her own tongue than even just say it out loud when no one else was around, but she wasn't utterly immune to his protection the way she was immune to the cordyceps. Unless, of course, there had been a different reason why she had felt the skin of her forearms prickle and why she had had to swallow extra hard to make the lump in her throat disappear.
Secretly, Amy suspected that her reaction was rooted somewhere in the past twenty years of her life, though she didn't care to go back to that place too extensively. No matter how awfully and rudely Joel treated her, at least he made sure she didn't get killed on her way to Bill and Frank. And that was something that got to her, no matter if she liked it or not. It was simply too easy to feel safe in Joel's presence, even though she might have gone insane for thinking that way.
He was impolite and mean to her, leaving no opportunity to make her feel dumb and unimportant. But at least he protected her. Not in a selfless and amiable way like Amy had always wished for growing up, but the outcome was just the same. Besides, it wasn't like she could control her body's reaction anyway.
Amy was ripped from her thoughts when the bunch of clothes next to her shifted. After some blinking and a low groan, Joel straightened up, his hair messed up and standing in all directions, which indicated that he had been just as restless as she had.
"Morning," Amy whispered and sat up as well.
"Mhm," he just grunted in response, making her doubt her attitude toward him all over again. Maybe he was just an arrogant, impudent asshole who couldn't have cared less about her life. Maybe he was just dreaming of getting rid of her as fast as possible and showed brief signs of cordiality so Amy wouldn't run away from him.
Did she have a choice, though? She wouldn't survive a day in the wild, and once she had eaten all her food, her end would be imminent.
Ten minutes later, Joel and Amy were nibbling at their food, which couldn't have been more different. She was chewing another one of her sandwiches, whereas Joel had to content himself with a few slices of plain bread and some almonds.
"Do you want some?" Amy said after a while, holding out the last remaining sandwich.
It was precious to her, sure, especially in case she actually ended up alone out here. But if Joel would understand it as some kind of peace offering, it might be worth a shot.
It wasn't like Amy was eager to uphold the ongoing dispute with him, though she had felt hostile toward him in the beginning. But now, with Tess gone and her supplies fading away, she sort of depended on him until Joel had brought her to his friends, who might be a little friendlier. She would surely benefit from him changing his feelings toward her and brightening his mood.
"No."
Great. So he was grumpy again. Perhaps it was just his nature, and there wasn't anything she could do about it. How had Tess handled that? Amy was seriously curious to know.
"Fine," she scoffed, putting the sandwich back inside the plastic bag with more force than necessary. "When are we gonna leave?"
If Joel treated her so coolly, why be nice to him? He didn't appreciate her truce but preferred to stay that ignorant, sullen prick who—
"Right now. Pack your things."
Another inimical reply tingled on her tongue, but she swallowed it and instead ground her teeth.
"Joel?"
He barely even twitched a lash, which bewildered her. How was he able not to shriek in startlement the way she usually did when someone suddenly raised their voice at her?
"What?"
"You know all about the world before the outbreak," she carefully asked, not wanting to upset him at once but to feel her way slowly.
"Is that a question?"
"No. I mean, I assume that you know all about the world before the outbreak."
Finally, his neck turned, and his dark eyes scanned her earnest expression. For once, Amy had a genuine interest in the answer to the question she was about to ask and didn't plan to taunt him.
"Yeah. Why?" he growled, his eyes flashing suspiciously.
"Can you tell me about it?"
"What?"
Scoffing harshly, Joel pulled up his shoulders, picking up the pace slightly as though to flee from her annoying questions. But Amy wouldn't give up. What did it matter anyway? In two hours, they would arrive at the place of those two guys who would hopefully take care of her, and she could say goodbye to Joel. Even if she was sinking lower in his estimation, Amy would forget all about that and this strange man in the coming days and never feel any consequences of their fighting for the rest of her life.
"I wanna know about how you lived. What you did all day."
"Didn't you have parents to tell ya about it? School?"
"My parents died when I was young."
She had told that piece of information to Tess the other day, and until now, Amy had believed that Joel had shamelessly eavesdropped on the two of them.
"So school."
"C'mon. I went to FEDRA school, okay? We didn't learn about... you know, the real daily lives of people. We learned about history and science. But not that. Besides, that was years ago."
"What do you wanna know, then, mhm?" Joel sighed like there was nothing he was less keen to do than have this conversation with Amy.
"What did you do when there was nothing else to do?"
He thought about it for a few seconds, his wrinkled forehead furrowed.
"Sometimes I read books. Or I played the guitar."
"You play guitar?" Amy asked, her features involuntarily drawing with interest and even delight.
Well, that was fascinating. She had once seen a couple of kids in FEDRA school play a ukulele, but she only knew what a guitar sounded like from TVs and her headphones. Joel, on the other hand, looked like he instantly regretted telling her about that part of his history and would have liked to take it back.
"I did. Yeah."
"That's nice. My mother played the piano before the outbreak. She even had lessons."
Amy absent-mindedly kicked a stone away, smiling at the memories that were more than blurry in her mind, but whenever she focused on them with all her willpower, she swore she could see her mother's ash-blond locks, as well as the dimples on her face.
"Great. Congrats, I guess."
"Fuck you," she hissed, the lines around her mouth pulling taut in an instant.
"You were the one who started this."
"Yeah, because I prefer to talk about something instead of boring myself to death."
The two of them remained silent for a beat, both mulling over what to say next, though Amy first and foremost contemplated whether it was worth forcefully keeping up their conversation.
"You're from Texas, aren't you?"
For the first time, surprise flickered across his face, though it was short-lived and faint.
"Yeah. How do you know?"
"Your accent. Obviously."
"Oh, sorry, Miss I-went-to-FEDRA-school."
Amy's eyebrows shot together, her eyes squeezing into two small slits.
"Do I sound like I'm proud that I went there?"
"No. But you're a smartass."
Joel looked fully unbothered by their argument, which only increased the temperature of the searing blood rushing through her veins.
"You got a strong accent. I'm gonna guess... Dallas?"
"Austin."
"Close."
"Not really."
Amy rolled her eyes, chewing on the inside of her cheek. "Austin... I went there once."
"Congratulations."
Deciding to just ignore his scathing comments, she continued speaking like she was the only one there.
"I can't remember, obviously. I must've been... three. But I have a photo."
"I don't wanna see."
"I didn't offer to show it to you, did I?" Amy sneered loudly, her jaw so tight she felt as though she were about to crack a tooth.
"Whatever. Are you done now?"
"What was your job before the outbreak?"
"None of your fuckin' business."
Amy halted, which seemed to catch him off guard, his feet coming to an abrupt stop as well. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah?" Joel shrugged.
"Oh my god, you're the child here, you know that?"
She lengthened her stride and suddenly set in motion. For once, she felt like she had the upper hand, like she was the reasonable, balanced adult rather than the needy child.
"I was a contractor. You know what that is?" Joel blurted after a short pause.
"Yes," Amy lied and stubbornly glared ahead of her, though the sun stung her eyes. It was a tolerable pill to swallow if it meant remaining the one with a clear head.
"What about you, mhm?"
"I was four years old when the outbreak happened," she hissed through gritted teeth, her chin high in the sky.
"I know, smartass. What was your job before Marlene picked you up? Did FEDRA pay you to be their break clown?"
"Funny," she scorned and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I worked in a shop that repaired clothes and shoes. Sometimes electronics too."
"Mhm," Joel snorted, showing no interest at all, but Amy hadn't expected anything else, even though he had been the one to ask.
"What about..." she started, but her voice trailed off, remembering one of the core rules Joel had told her.
No mention of Tess.
Even though her need to say something about the incident that had occurred the other day, as well as her curiosity, wasn't slaked yet, she was hesitant to strain Joel's nerves by bringing her up again, which was why she bit her tongue.
"What?" he snapped, his jaw flexing.
"Nothing."
"Do that more often."
Amy frowned, then put her confusion into words. "What?"
"Remembering to keep your mouth shut," Joel answered without a trace of amusement or anger in his tone. It was pure neutrality. Cold, distant indifference.
Amy's mouth opened, the words bubbling in her throat, but Joel actually had the audacity to cut her off and even lift his hand.
"No. Shut up."
She hated how much it got to her. How infuriated and livid his words made her feel, how hurt she felt deep inside despite knowing that this man was an insignificant, irrelevant person in her life and that his opinions and feelings toward her didn't matter at all.
Joel most definitely wasn't the first to willfully insult her or humiliate her with the phrases tumbling out of his mouth, but perhaps she had just never gotten used to it over the course of the past twenty-four years of her life.
Amy's mouth tightened, her hands forming fists, which she shoved deep inside the pockets of her jacket. Fine, if he wanted to behave like an imbecile, she would simply dwell on her own thoughts and not pay any attention to him until she absolutely needed to.
Two hours later, Joel cleared his throat, jutting his shoulder out to signal to Amy that the fence they were about to reach was the one they were searching for.
"Is that their home?" she asked, softly whistling at the sight of the heavy gate. She had expected a lot of things, but she had presumed that an abandoned cabin would be more likely than a whole goddamn town.
"Yeah. That's it..."
"Do you know the code?" Amy peered at Joel's profile. He seemed lost in his thoughts for a heartbeat before his body flinched and he cleared his throat for a second time.
"Yeah. Step aside."
His fingers flying over the number pad, Joel had his eyebrows low on his face, his features contorted with deep focus.
"Is... everything fine?"
"Yeah. Why shouldn't it be?" he answered and opened the gate, leading to a broad path that meandered through a town that looked both desolate and inhabited at the same time.
The houses were clean and tidy, not grey and splintered like the facades of the buildings Amy was used to in the QZ. Some even looked rather friendly with their planted front gardens and the colorful sunflowers that seemed to smile at her.
It was... unreal. A strange dream.
This was exactly what Amy had imagined neighborhoods in the rural areas of the country to look like before the outbreak. Whoever Bill and Frank were, they either had gone crazy, were geniuses, or had gotten very lucky and FEDRA had missed that little town in the middle of Massachusetts.
"Joel?" Amy whispered while Joel guided the two of them to one of the houses at the end of the street. It was just as well maintained as the rest of them, with a plant bed next to it, the lawn neatly trimmed, and the door painted a bright yellow, but it didn't look as untouched as the rest.
"What?" He seemed to be elsewhere with his thoughts.
"What the fuck is going on here?"
"What do you mean?" Joel barked, like the answer was right there on the table for everyone to see.
"What is this place?"
"Bill. He was a survivalist before the outbreak. You know what the government did in the first weeks of the outbreak?"
Amy looked up at him, surprised by Joel giving her the explanation she had asked for. "No."
"They evacuated most of the cities in this area. Well, Bill didn't want that, so he locked himself in the basement of his house, waited for everyone to leave, and then built his place."
"So he... he's been living here for twenty years?"
Joel shrugged faintly, pursing his lips as they stepped onto the porch of the house. "Yeah. I don't think there're many people on this continent who are livin' better lives."
Pushing the handle down, his eyes narrowed. It opened without any resistance.
"Stay by the door," he instructed Amy, whose gaze curiously drifted around the hallway, the paintings on the wall, and the flower bouquets on a wooden cupboard. Their heads were drooped, the stems starting to wilt, but they still couldn't have been picked more than a week ago.
"Where are they?" Amy whispered, somehow feeling intimidated by the house despite its beauty.
"I don't know. Stay here, I'll be right back."
She watched the dark-haired back of his head disappear through a door, then turned toward the canvases. Most of them depicted landscapes: flower meadows, mountains piling up at the horizon, and enraged storm clouds that looked on the verge of exploding, colored in all different shades of blue and purple.
Amy smiled gently, wondering which of the two men living here was the artist. Probably Frank. She couldn't picture a survivalist bringing such softness as the orange-pink flowers on the painting by the door to life.
When Joel hadn't returned after another minute, Amy slowly strolled through another door that led her to the living room.
It was just as lovingly decorated, only in here, the absence of any living creature became even more apparent.
On the table, rotten food sat on elegant porcelain lined with gold details on the rim. Amy could spot a wine bottle, two glasses that were completely empty, and dust that had gathered upon the surface.
This didn't look good.
There were endless possibilities running through Amy's mind, but every single one had an ugly undertone.
Joel appeared suddenly, his face rigid and dour as ever, though he had his head lowered. She pieced the puzzle together automatically, and when her eyes fell upon a letter on the coffee table, she had to gulp.
"Are they..." she began but didn't feel the need to finish the thought in front of Joel.
"Yes."
"Shit. I'm sorry."
She had no idea how close Joel had been with the two men. Hell, she didn't even have a clue whether Joel was generally capable of close human relationships, but Amy had learned to offer her condolences when someone's friend had passed.
Nodding once, Joel clenched his hands into fists, his eyes landing on the letter as well. Contrary to what she had thought would happen, he didn't move at once. He just kept his gaze fixed on the item as though his stare could magically make the paper levitate in his direction. But then his broad body moved so suddenly that Amy flinched.
In order to give Joel some peace while he read the words, she observed all the different furnishings closely, such as the olive-colored couch, the wall decorations, the lamps, and the calendar by the kitchen door.
Just when she was about to examine the leftovers of the food on their plates, Joel abruptly slammed the letter back onto the table.
To say that Amy was curious was an understatement. She would have loved to find out what exactly had happened to Bill and Frank, why they had ended it that way, and what words they had felt the need to write to Joel, but she didn't want to risk pissing him off further. Amy had lost people too, and even without having more insight into Joel's relationships, she suspected that an inquisition wasn't what he wished for right now.
"Get up."
His cutting voice made the air around her vibrate. Her body reacted automatically, her feet planting in front of him.
"Okay. Here's what's gonna happen." Joel sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair like he was still doubtful about what he was going to say. "We're gonna grab all the supplies we can find. Bill and Frank left us all they have, their food, their weapons, their clothes, their... car."
Joel's voice stammered, his eyes scurrying across Amy's face.
"We're gonna take whatever we can grab. Fill the car with it. Then we're gonna go west. My brother is... west. In Wyoming. He used to be a firefly so he might know where they are."
She didn't answer at once, just glaring back at Joel, whose jaw and neck were still stiff.
"Okay," she whispered after a while and grabbed the ends of her sleeves just to keep her hands busy.
"But if we do that, we're gonna set up some rules." Joel's teeth clenched. "You're gonna do as I say. When I tell you to shut up, you shut up. When I tell you to move, you move. When I tell you to stay somewhere, you don't move. Am I clear?"
Amy nodded slowly, feeling cowed by the sharpness in his voice.
"Say it."
"I understand. I'm gonna do as you say."
His head swayed slowly, his eyes moving away from her face at last to properly take in the room for the first time.
"Okay. We're gonna go through the rooms on the second floor and put the stuff we need in bags. C'mon."
She inhaled deeply, thoughts swirling rapidly through her head. All the plans she had silently made, her idea of how things were going to go once they arrived here, were thrown overboard.
And Amy didn't even have time to process all of it as Joel was already striding toward the staircase.
Javi shows you how much he loves you after a visit in the bar with his friends who couldn't stop teasing him about his new-found love...
Contains: smut, p in v sex, oral sex (m & f receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, praise kink, dirty talk, use of pet names, light possessiveness, condom use, brief mention of morning-after pill, soft!Javi, teasing, crying during sex (from pleasure), fluff, domesticity, Javier is obsessed with you, "i love you" for the first time, yearning, soft ending, vulnerability, established relationship
Wordcount: 8,957
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Javi took a small sip from his whiskey, feeling the alcohol burn against his throat as he swallowed it.
"Seriously?" Steve barked, gripping his shoulders tightly, his behavior noticeably altered by the alcohol he had consumed so far. Which was a lot more than Javi had.
"You're still at your first drink, Javi? Jesus… You're in a bad mood?"
Derek and Tom, two more friends from work, exchanged knowing glances, then leaned forward.
"He's not in a bad mood, Steve. You know that. But he's got a place to be. Just watch this motherfucker leave the bar at 11 to go home to his lady," Derek laughed.
Javi rolled his eyes, though he didn't deny their accusations right away.
"Right…" Steve snorted, emptying his glass in one go. "The mystery lady. How is she? You're gonna go to her after this?"
"Of course he is. Our man couldn't sit still since we got here."
"Just look at him being all shy…"
Their voices were a swirling chaos, mixing with the music gushing from the speakers in the corners. All Javi could do was roll his eyes again and shake his head faintly.
"Will you shut up? Goddamnit…"
"Are we wrong, though? That's why he doesn't drink so much. Because he's got other plans."
Javi chose not to answer and neither deny nor confirm their suppositions. Obviously, they were right, Javi did was going to come over to your apartment after this, just like you and he had planned. But his friends didn't need to know that.
One might not expect it, but Javi had never in his life encountered people more keen to gossip than those three men. He would tell them more about you, of course. But everything in its time. And he definitely wanted to find a quieter moment than a bar at 10 o'clock.
"I can't believe Javier Peña is in love at last… Would you guys have ever believed it? If I told you three months ago that we would be sitting in a bar and instead of approaching a beautiful lady at the counter, Mr. Playboy would sit here with his first whiskey of the night thinking about his girlfriend? Doesn't sound right to me."
Steve chuckled softly, but Javi could see in his gaze that he wasn't actually irritated by the shift in his behavior. No… just like Derek and Tom, he seemed satisfied. Genuinely happy for Javi, which made his lips curl involuntarily.
That and… you, of course. He couldn't help it. With his friends bringing up the topic of you over and over, it wasn't difficult to get lost in all the memories in his head, the countless dates, every single angle he had ever seen of your beautiful smile, the wrinkles around your eyes when you laughed, and how you jutted your jaw forward whenever you were thinking hard. There were a million things he could tell his friends about you if the circumstances allowed. How your eyes for some reason teared up when you drank sparkling water. How you always stubbed your toe on the last step when you sprinted up the staircase. Javi had told you so many times that you should just take it slower, but somehow, he couldn't stop you from falling into your old patterns.
"He's dreaming again," Tommy suddenly said, making Javi's eyes focus on his friend wearing a broad grin. They were clearly amused by the change in him. It wasn't that Javi was a different person around you, but nowadays, his head so busy going over every single detail he had ever spotted on you and was most smitten with, he was seldom fully present.
"Sorry," Javi whispered, but didn't really sound it. He lowered his gaze to the counter, scanning the wooden lines until Steve patted his back.
"Don't be sorry. I'm proud of you, you know?" His voice was oozing sarcasm, but Javi chose to just listen to what his friend had to say.
"You're finally in love… And it suits you. You've got that glow about you, my friend."
"Glow?" Tom laughed loudly, leaning in closer as if he intended to scrutinize his expression more closely.
"Yeah. Sometimes. Like during lunch break on Wednesday."
Goddamnit, Javi already knew what Steve was talking about without him having to give him any more information.
"What happened?" Tom asked, looking between Derek and Steve.
"Right, you weren't there for it. Missed quite the party. We were all eating peacefully, going over a case when Javi got a phone call. I swear to god, he looked at the number for a second and then rushed out of the room saying that he really needed to take that. Steve and I spent ten minutes guessing who it was, and this guy was fucking convinced it couldn't be her because Javi wouldn't be that worked up about it, but when he came back, I knew I was right. Because that man's face was glowing."
Yes, Javi remembered that moment so clearly he could go back to it any time he wanted. You had called him because you had had an important business meeting that morning. After you had told him about it the day before, he had insisted on you letting him know how it had gone the second it was over, which was why he had spent most of his lunch break in the copy room, listening to you recount the meeting, which had fortunately gone very well.
As so often these days, Javi had felt his cheeks burn when he hung up the phone, which hadn't gone unnoticed by his colleagues. It was just the natural effect you had on him. The sound of your voice alone made his knees weak and the blood rush through his veins, even when you weren't even in the same room.
"Really?" Tom chuckled at that, ripping him from his thoughts. "You really have to introduce her to us, Javi. We need to know what she's like when she's got that kind of effect on you…"
"You will," he quickly assured them, drinking the last sip of his whiskey before putting the glass back down with a low thud. "You will get to know her. She's… incredible."
Steve, who always became a little more touchy when he'd had a lot to drink, put a hand on his shoulder.
"He looks like a teenage boy with his first crush, doesn't he, guys?"
Tom and Derek laughed in unison, examining Javi's clenched jaw and sweaty brow, which was evidence enough that the teasing was getting through to him.
"Not a crush, though," Derek then corrected. "That man is head over heels. Remember when we saw him daydreaming in the office with that stupid smile instead of working?"
Tom and Steve, who only now seemed to recall the moment, burst into laughter.
"Yeah, yeah… very funny," Javi growled.
"You've gotten soft, my friend. You've turned into a soft, loyal puppy. I don't know how much I like that version yet, but it was about damn time you found someone. Need to make sure you're capable of loving, don't we?"
An hour later, Javi quietly walked up the stairs of the apartment building you lived in. His keys, or rather your set of keys you had given him, since he basically stayed over every single night, were dangling at his side, his head a little languid even though he hadn't had more than one whiskey. Which had been the source of a lot of teasing.
Javi normally didn't mind a few drinks in the evening at all, especially on a Friday night. But as his friends had so astutely figured out, he didn't want to show up at your place drunk, stumbling through the door so that you would have to get him to bed like a helpless child. No, the prospect of coming home to you was motivation enough and a source of infinite happiness to keep his good mood up even while everyone around him was gradually getting more wasted. They were probably still at the bar right then, making jokes about the changes in Javi's lifestyle, how he seemed more content and at ease these days.
Some of the things Steve, Tom and Derek had said about him had actually been rather kind, things that Javi felt proud of, but at the same time, he hadn't been too sad about leaving his friends early. Well, most of his anticipation about exiting the bar had probably been tied to you, to be honest.
He slowly put the key in the lock, turning it as quietly as he could. Javi assumed you were still awake, but he couldn't be too careful, especially since you had complained about a headache earlier when he had come home after work. It had worried him enough to offer to stay in with you rather than go out with his friends, but you had insisted that he go, claiming that you would be fine with a relaxed evening on the couch and a large jug of fresh water.
"Javi… hey."
You were sitting at the kitchen table, hair loosely tied in a knot and a sudoku in front of you.
"Hi, sweetheart." He crossed the distance between the two of you in two large strides, then pressed his lips against the side of your head. "How are you? How's your head?"
"It's fine, baby. I drank so much water, I think I went to the toilet four times in the last hour, but it worked."
Releasing a soft breath, Javi pulled up a chair to sit down next to you. "Great… I was worried."
"You were?" you asked softly, lips pursed in sympathy. "No… I told you to enjoy yourself, didn't I?"
Your hand connected with his cheek, gently tracing along his shaven skin that was never fully even.
"I know. And I still had a very good time."
"Yes?"
Javi nodded. "Yeah. Even though they can't stop with the teasing."
"What teasing?" you asked, eyes wide, but he just snickered softly.
"Just the usual… You know, the stuff about me being distracted at work sometimes… Talking to you on the phone. They said I had a glow on my face on Wednesday during lunch break."
"Oh," you said, your hand dropping to rest on his thigh instead of his face.
"Yeah. I figured I should take it as a compliment. I think you should take it as a compliment," he then added, prompting you to chuckle lightly, your voice warm and soft against his skin.
"Maybe I should… They really can't stop, can they? I thought they would grow tired of teasing you about this after a week or two."
"Oh, they're persistent, baby," Javi muttered and briefly kissed you on the mouth, running a hand up and down your arm. "Today, they also said that you made me all soft. That you softened me."
"I softened you?" you repeated with raised eyebrows, a dark gleam shimmering in your eyes.
"I hope you disagree with that, Javi…" you hummed seductively, glancing at his crotch.
"Jesus, darling…" Javi muttered, only now realizing the double meaning behind his friends' comments.
"What? I would be very disappointed in myself if you agreed with that…" Your hand followed your eyes, drifting up his leg until your index finger trailed along the stitching of his jeans.
"You don't, do you?"
"No. I — don't," Javi murmured, voice threaded with a faint tremble that you might have imagined. Yes, there it was. Javi looked down his body where his cock was stirring beneath the confines of his underwear. He could both feel it and see it, which meant it hadn't gone unnoticed by you either.
"Good… I would rather like to make you harder, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," Javi purred, leaning in once more to capture your mouth in a gentle, still explorative way, even though he knew the lines and curves of your lips better than he knew his own by now.
Meanwhile, the two of you had shifted to sit on the edge of your seats, minimizing the distance between your longing bodies as best as you could. But it just wasn't enough. Javi felt his cock uncomfortably rub against the tightly woven fabric of his jeans, your index finger ghosting over his crotch doing nothing to calm his breathing.
"Sweetheart…" he murmured, letting out a sharp hiss that tingled at the corner of your mouth.
And then, it wasn't enough anymore either. Javi felt frustrated sitting so far away from you, your back too far away to reach around and unclasp your bra. So he stood up abruptly, nostrils flaring as he took in the sight of you. You had that feverish glow about you, and maybe it was exactly what his friends had talked about earlier. If that was the case, it seemed to be infectious.
"Where are you going?" you breathed, sweetly sucking your bottom lip between your teeth. With a deep huff, he took a step forward, slung an arm around your back and hauled you up, pressing you close against his front as he headed for your bedroom.
"Oh, I'm taking you right with me, cariño…"
Everything about your apartment was so familiar, which was why Javi moved with such confidence, each stride willful and determined.
"You look so gorgeous, Javi."
Throaty laughter left him as he placed you in the center of the bed like he owned the room and everything inside it.
"Oh yeah? I'm flattered then…"
"I really need you inside me, Javi. Please. I… I thought about it all day."
Running a hand through his messy hair, Javi climbed onto the bed as well, the mattress sighing under his weight.
"Don't worry, hermosa, I'm gonna fill you up well… You want it right here?" Without any warning, Javi cupped your pussy, not moving or rubbing against you but just holding his hand right there while you squirmed and sighed heavily.
"Yes. Yes, there, Javi… But I would also like to suck it."
With the sole purpose of teasing you, he pretended to think about your request for a moment, lips pouty and brow furrowed. You, of course, knew that he would never deny such a proposal, which was why you quickly gripped his length through his jeans, although you weren't able to paw at him like you would have been had he worn sweatpants like you did right now.
"You're getting a little greedy now, aren't you?"
Despite his teasing, Javi didn't stop you when you moved to the edge of the bed, challengingly darting your eyes at the empty spot in the middle. How could he have possibly found the strength to do that? You were a perfect dream, the most beautiful and intoxicating person he had ever laid eyes on, and there you were asking him to let you suck his cock. It was ridiculous and unreal.
Still, Javi moved into position fast, his head swimming and his tip already leaking with precum, just a reaction to what you were about to do to him. He remembered all the times you had taken him in your mouth in vivid detail, but the most outstanding experience to date had been the very first time.
There was no use pretending to be new to any of this, in fact, Javi wasn't hesitant to admit that he had spent a good amount of his early adulthood sleeping around and exploring all sorts of things.
This had advantages and disadvantages. For instance, he knew precisely what he liked, what he didn't like, what he despised and what his guilty pleasure was. But on the other hand, when Javi was with you, he wished he could experience everything again with you for the first time. Not that it wasn't great all the same. Actually, sex and everything around it felt even more enthralling, intense and arousing since he did it with someone he was so bewitched by. Still, there was something so intimate and special about sleeping with you that made him want to relive all his first times with you. Which was applicable to the rest of his life as well.
He was lowering himself onto the bed now, spreading his legs a little so that there was enough room for you to crawl between.
"Baby, you're too good to me, you know that?" Javi whispered, his hooded eyes taking in the way you found a comfortable position between his legs, your hands settling on the waistband of his jeans.
"I like making you feel good, Javi," you answered with a playful smirk pulling at your lips.
"Yeah?"
"Yes… I like the things that you say." He drove his teeth into his bottom lip, breath hitching while he lifted his hips to help you yank down his pants.
"You like the things that I say?"
"Mhm." You nodded, eyes brightening with joy at the tent in his boxers.
"So you like it when I praise you?"
"Maybe," you grinned wickedly, one of your hands wandering up his thigh all the way from his knee. You clearly wanted to tease him just a little longer, stretch out the moment until he was going to lose a bit of his composure himself.
"Sweetheart, you're killing me here… Saying stuff like that… Touching me like that."
"Like that?" you muttered, your hand ghosting less than an inch above his clothed cock.
"Yeah, fuck — like that. I really need you to touch me, cariño. Are you gonna do that? Or are you gonna try to make me lose my fucking mind?"
His tone was more hollow now, lacking the intense depth of his usual voice. Maybe that was exactly what you had been talking about when you said you liked the things he said, how you could probably tell from the way he spoke how far you had driven him with your teasing.
"I like making you lose your mind just a little bit…" you admitted, but finally brought your hand to his hard cock, caressing it like it was much more sensitive than it actually was.
"Fuck, baby…" He drew a sharp breath through his tightly clenched teeth, one hand buried in your hair while the other pressed flat on the bed. "Is that what you wanna do tonight? Tease the shit out of me?"
You pretended to think about it, which provoked Javi to chuckle softly. "Oh yeah? You're seriously considering that? What do you want to punish me for then, mhm? Did I do something?"
Your expression shifted at that, eyes growing wider as you gripped his cock more firmly.
"No… You didn't. It's just really hot, you know? How you… look at me. Makes me feel like you want me so much."
"Oh, and I want you so much. You know that, don't you?" Javi leaned his head back against the wall, lips curling upward while he gently ran his fingers through your hair.
"Yes."
Returning the smile, you started to pull down his underwear and yanked them to his ankles with his help. His cock was hard against his abdomen, the veins standing out prominently and you involuntarily curled and uncurled your toes.
"It's so pretty, Javi," you murmured, lowering your head to the same level as his cock and darting out your tongue to lick a slow strip across his glans.
"Baby," your boyfriend huffed, his muscles coiling even though his gaze seemed to soften further. "Fuck… Your tongue's — so good."
His hand at the back of your head didn't push or hurry you but rather caressed your scalp in a way that made it all too tempting to glance up at him every now and then and devour the look he gave you. That sheer expression of his lust, his appreciation and even admiration. But since your main focus remained his cock, you kept your eyes on it for the most part, letting more and more of him slip past your lips in a manner that made Javi's eyes roll back.
"Jesus fucking Christ… Darling, you — you're so good to me. How the fuck did I deserve that, mhm?"
You brought your hand to his cock, pumping the part of his length that you couldn't reach so easily with your lips while twirling your tongue around his tip.
"You're just really good to me too, Javi. And you taste good."
"And you just want me to lose my mind… That's it, right? Fuck…" His free hand combed through his own messy hair, sweaty and tousled both from his time in the bar and the attentive work of your generous mouth.
Slowly, gradually, so that you wouldn't gag around him, you went deeper with closed eyes, your tongue flat so that his cock could slide past it. He really did taste good, a little salty, mixed with something warm and strong. And then there was his scent… Javi always smelled clean and fresh, but beneath the layers of his aftershave there was also something you couldn't quite find words for, something that you could only link to him. He just smelled like… Javier Peña. Through and through. Which was part of the reason why you loved going down on him so much. Why you loved it when your face was pressed against him and his lips whispered your name like it was a sin that shouldn't make its way out of his apartment.
"You feel so good, baby. So good, you — fuck, cariño… Can you look at me? Please."
You raised your head a little, just enough so that you wouldn't choke the second you lost your focus on your breathing, following his request instead. It definitely wasn't the most comfortable position, but you managed to lock your gaze with his, blinking a few times, determined not to let go of his dick just because he had asked to see your eyes.
"You're doing so well, sweetheart… I don't deserve you, shit… Holy shit — I don't know how you do it."
After toying with his cock for a few more minutes, focusing on his shaft and tip rather than forcing all of him down your throat, Javi tenderly pulled you off with a low groan. Spit and precum were coating his member, which was also the reason why slick, wet noises had been bouncing off the walls of his bedroom for the past few minutes. You liked it messy and therefore didn't mind the mixture of your drool and his wetness trickling down your chin or dropping onto your neck. If anything, it just made you feel like you were putting all your effort into the blow job, which was your goal at the end of the day.
"I need to make you feel good too, darling… Can I? Please, princess."
"Yes, Javi," you quickly murmured, allowing him to lift your face and kiss your lips.
"I need you, sweetheart." His motions were a lot more urgent, rushed even, as he cradled your head for a little longer, then helped you lie back. This time, neither of you even bothered to turn around on the bed so that your head could rest on the pillow, Javi just guided you down, his face hovering above yours.
"Fuck, baby, you don't know how much I want you. How much I was looking forward to coming home to you."
He knew that he sounded like he didn't give a fuck about his friends, like the cliché of a person who falls head over heels for a woman and abandons all his friends for months because he is so deeply in love, but in that moment, he didn't care. Because it was true. He had thought about you with almost no break ever since he had left the house and had to say goodbye to you.
"Can I have your fingers, Javi?" you breathed, rolling your hips up into his to grind against his hard length.
"Anything you want, hermosa… Where do you want them, mhm? Inside you? On your pretty clit?"
"Inside, please," you replied at once, making Javi believe that you had been thinking about his hands the entire time you were sucking his cock.
"Alright, baby. You're gonna get everything you want, I promise. You just gotta tell me, and you'll get it. Always."
"Always?" you giggled, hips rising while your boyfriend kissed his way down your body, pulling your shirt up for his mouth to leave a wet trace across your skin.
"Of course. Wherever you are… When I visit you at work… In a restaurant… a bar." Javi's hands were splayed across your ribcage, his lips purposefully tickling your stomach and making you jolt.
"I don't know if that's a good idea…" you whispered, your pussy clenching with excitement as Javi pulled down your sweatpants along with your underwear, wasting no more time with teasing you.
"What is?"
"You saying that…"
His large hand stroked up your thighs, gently parting them to take in the state of your cunt. "And why?"
"Because I want you often."
Javi lowered his head, though his eyes remained fixed on you. "How often?"
"Mhm… depends."
"Depends on what?"
Before you could respond, you had to get your breathing under control, which was why you drew in a deep breath, watching his tongue peek out and carefully circle your protruding bundle of nerves.
"Many things… Like what you're wearing… The things you're saying…"
Although Javi was thoroughly occupied with drawing patterns all over your pussy as though he intended to craft a painting with the quick swipes of his tongue, your words piqued his interest and his eyes found yours once again.
"What things I'm saying, baby?"
Your mouth twisted, eyes sparkling brightly. "Like… Like when you tell me about your work."
"My work?" Javi couldn't help but chuckle, effortlessly parting your pussy lips with the thumb of his right hand.
"Mhmm, yes… Sometimes. It just… sounds so hot."
He was still laughing as he slowly pushed his thumb inside your fluttering, soaked hole that was sucking him in so well Javi assumed it wasn't nearly enough to satisfy your needs yet. You needed more of him, all of him preferably.
"Well, then I guess I should tell you about my work more often, cariño," he murmured, his voice a deep vibration against your skin. "Because I like seeing you like that. S'really fucking sweet."
Driven by pure instinct, your head tilted away from him, your hair covering the side of your face where heat was rising in your cheeks. Javi couldn't be sure, though.
"Am I making you blush, cariño?" he wanted to know, pressing an open-mouthed kiss right on top of your blazing clit.
"No," you quickly lied and thrust your hips forward, beckoning Javi to push his finger further inside you.
"Good. 'Cause if you were, I'd tell you there's no reason to feel that way. Now do you want more, babygirl?"
You couldn't believe he was even asking you that, your hand flying out to grab his broad shoulder.
"Yeah. Yes, please. Please, Javi. I need more."
He was so smug and so stirred by your pleas at the same time, tempted to draw the moment out a little longer, but in the end his desire to watch your pleasure unfurl in its purest form won out, and Javi put more strength behind his motions. He worked his thumb inside you to the knuckle, let a generous amount of spit run down your pussy and sucked the little nub between his lips, hollowing his cheeks to build pressure. All of it happened so quickly that your nails scraped his shoulders, even the thin layer of his open shirt unable to keep him from feeling a sharp pain soar through him. Still, it wasn't the kind of sting that would prompt him to tell you to keep your hands to yourself… No, Javi felt proud of making you lose control like that.
"Javi…" you howled, eyes pinched shut and thighs convulsing even though he had only just started.
"I know, baby. She tastes good. And I know she's been waiting for me, hasn't she? S'why she welcomes me like that. And s'why she's so wet and warm for me. Just for me, isn't that right?"
You adored listening to Javi giving your pussy pronouns, talking about it like it was a separate part of your body with a mind and needs of its own. You didn't know what it was about it, but you were well aware of the effect it had on you.
"Yes, Javi. Just for you. Only for you, fuck —" Your shoulders rolled, shoulder blades lifting off the mattress, hands travelling up to his dark hair, which you lightly tugged on. Once Javi decided it was about time to give you more of his fingers, he pulled his thumb out and instead fed you his middle and ring finger, both so long they reached far deeper inside you than his thumb had.
You nearly choked on your own spit, tension rippling through your spine like tiny shock waves, though you associated them with something good and pleasurable.
"Yeah, you're really fucking warm and tight for me right there, mhm? All that for me?"
"Yes, Javi. All that for you, please, fuck —"
You didn't even know what you wanted. Hell, how were you supposed to figure it out with his fingers seizing all your attention like a black hole every time you tried to coherently sort your thoughts?
But your boyfriend seemed to understand you regardless, or at least it felt like he was really hitting an aching spot when he slid his tongue over the underside of your clit. Yes, he was hitting all the right spots with that. His fingers were tapping against the spongy patch within your walls, which you rarely even found on your own, whereas Javi never let a single session go by without that little area getting its treat. "Like it deserves it," your boyfriend used to say.
Meanwhile, his tongue was taking care of your clit, which seemed to be in flames, your nerve endings on high alert. You wished he would quench your desires, finish what he had started and put out the fire scorching across your pearl, but at the same time you wished he were inside you with his cock rather than his fingers. Sure, you loved to squeeze around them, to feel them move and stretch your walls, but there was always something entirely different about Javi putting his cock inside you. The intimacy, the closeness of it all was probably what was most alluring to you.
"Javi…" you whined, voice higher than when you normally talked to him. You squirmed on the bed with your thighs pressing against either side of his head, your hips bucking in search of something you couldn't quite describe.
"I know, baby. I'm gonna make you feel so good. So good that this pussy's gonna soak my face. She's so wet, sweetheart, so fucking perfect for me… You feel that?"
Javi slowly drew his fingers back, proving to you that your cunt couldn't be called wet but downright drenched. Slurping noises rose from your center, so unambiguous and filthy that you might have felt embarrassed about it. But not with Javi. Not with a man who always worshipped your body's reaction to him and showed his adoration in the same way that he savored every last one of your moans and whimpers.
"I want you to — fuck me, Javi," you stammered, his lips closing around your clit and dragging his heavy tongue along the outline. It was staggering, so perfect that it took a lot of willpower to make peace with the fact that he was about to comply with your request and pull away, but you longed for his thick cock inside you too much to wait for your first orgasm of the night.
Javi loved to make you cum at least once before he buried himself inside you, but tonight your need to feel him was especially strong. You wanted to feel every inch of him on top of you, be able to tangle your fingers with his and drape your legs around his hips. And that was only possible with him lying on top of you, fucking you into the bed.
"You want me to fuck you, sweetheart? Now?"
"Yes," you whimpered and spread your legs wider. Javi didn't need any more than that. He hadn't been lying when he said he would give you anything you wanted, which also included stopping his tongue play on your cunt earlier than he had anticipated.
Panting heavily, Javi left his space between your legs, though he rubbed your clit one last time with the pad of his thumb. Then he crawled toward your bedside table and opened the top drawer with a confidence that suggested he knew his way around your apartment effortlessly. There they were. Condoms that fitted him perfectly.
"Really, Javi…?" you muttered through pursed lips, feet planted flat on the bed, your hand busy tucking your hair behind your ears.
"Yes, cariño. C'mon, don't give me those eyes."
He should have known that he had made a mistake the first time he had fucked you raw. Okay, it had happened more than once, but definitely no more than three or four times. Obviously, Javi had regretted it within minutes, but you had shown a particular fondness for feeling him without a condom every single time.
And to avoid the fear of getting pregnant, you had taken the morning-after pill, which had relieved Javi even though he wasn't keen on watching you go down that path just because it was convenient and allowed you that special connection during sex. Condoms were safer, and Javi knew that, goddamnit. At times, it was just very difficult to deny you anything at all. Tonight, he would remain unwavering, though.
"Just this once. Please," you begged, putting even more hunger and yearning into your eyes, though Javi quickly averted his gaze so that he wouldn't feel too tempted by your dangerous request.
"Baby, you gotta stop… I'm gonna make it good, I promise. You trust me, right?"
"Yes," you whined, glancing down at his cock, which was throbbing in his firm grip.
"Okay… Then just relax. And enjoy it."
Javi was quick to tear the small package open, fumbling with the plastic and dropping it onto the nightstand. Then his eyes connected with yours again, skimming past the yearning in your gaze with a faint stumble of his heart.
"I'm gonna make it good, cariño… Gonna do all the work… Just need my princess to enjoy it and keep her eyes on me."
You couldn't help but chuckle softly, which relieved Javi, who had feared that refusing to fuck you raw would set off your pouting.
"I can do the work too," you insisted, reaching for his hard, throbbing cock, but Javi shook his head with a glossy twinkle in his eyes.
"I know you can… But tonight I just want you to lie back and relax. Okay?" Javi lovingly placed his palm on your cheek, thumb stretching out to brush against your cheekbone.
"Okay…"
He didn't need to hear more than that. Running his hand up and down your thigh, Javi single-handedly rolled the condom over his cock and stroked himself a couple of times. Of course, he would have liked to forgo the condom as well, but he already knew that he would feel guilty afterwards when the two of you had to rush to the pharmacy in the morning for the morning-after pill.
His left hand guided his tip through your slit, smearing your wetness all over your folds to make a mess he would be happy to clean up later.
"Javi," you whimpered as his cock nudged your sensitive bud, your legs spreading a little wider as though reminding him where your hole was.
"You want me to put it in?" he murmured, leaning down with his entire weight, knowing well how much you adored feeling as much of him as you physically could.
"Yes. Yes, Javi, please."
Your chests were flush against each other, not just sweat connecting your bodies but your heat as well. Everything was in sync, your heavy breathing, your heartbeat, probably even your temperatures.
"Put it in," you demanded once more, then drew a slow breath when you felt his heavy tip nudge against your hole. As always, Javi pressed his thumb into your clit while he worked his cock inside your cunt, giving you something to cling to and focus on while your walls stretched to accommodate him. Besides, he swore he always felt you loosen up a little more whenever his finger provided extra stimulation.
"Oh my god," you hummed, sliding your hands over the toned muscles of his arms and shoulders before planting them on his back. You pushed gently against him, communicating that you wanted to minimize the distance between the two of you without using your words. And just like you had hoped, Javi understood despite your inability to speak.
"Baby, you feel like a fucking dream. Look at me, cariño, please."
It wasn't easy to keep your eyes focused on one spot as your pupils tended to uncontrollably flick to the sides whenever he was stretching your walls like that. Still, you tried your very best for him.
"Javi, oh my god, oh my god," you whimpered quietly, feeling his chest cage you beneath him in the most exciting way possible.
"That's it, sweetheart. That's it… You like it? You like it when I go in slowly like that?"
He wasn't even halfway inside you even though you were more than ready to take him in one go.
"Yes," you breathed, your legs wrapping around his hips tightly.
You were holding onto him like a monkey, like you weren't planning to let him go any time soon. Pulse thundering behind your temples, you hid your face in the crook of his neck while Javi disappeared inside you painfully slowly, taking his time with every single inch. Of course, his touch on your bundle of nerves hadn't stopped and he still rubbed fast circles over your skin, which caused your lids to flutter and your pussy to drench his girthy cock.
You didn't know how Javi managed to squeeze his hand between your bodies, which were pressed so closely together that you had been certain not even a sheet of paper would fit between you. Still, he somehow found a way.
"Just a little bit more…" Javi hummed against your earlobe, pinching your clit between thumb and index finger. "Fuck… You're squeezing me so tightly. Just need you to look at me. Need to see how — good you're feeling."
That was something you could comply with. You didn't struggle for a second to convey your love for his actions and didn't shy away from moaning his name softly, working it between your teeth like a reverent prayer or a holy exclamation.
"Javi… Javi, please —" You took a deep breath, which didn't help. You felt too hot and short of breath, your body deliciously confined in the best way you could imagine. Buried beneath the man you needed so badly, held in place by his strong arms.
At last, he was fully sheathed inside you, his cock hitting all the right spots from within. Now that he was entirely buried in your warmth, he couldn't hold back any longer and quickly started to move in a steady rhythm. You weren't new to his technique, his long, intense, still quite slow thrusts that seemed to press you a little deeper into the bed with each one.
"Oh my god," was all you could breathe, your eyes on him as requested, though a thick veil hung over your sight.
"I know, baby. Feels good, doesn't it? I can feel you clench so hard around me. S'a lot for your pretty pussy, isn't it?"
You nodded softly, hazy eyes gazing back up at him.
"Too much?" Javi searched your face suspiciously at the faint shake of your head. "Talk to me, sweetheart. Need to hear you say it."
"No. S'not too much. It's good like that."
His hand gently slapping your clit wasn't really a reward, yet it felt like one.
"Deeper, Javi… please. Please, I need — more."
This time, it was Javi nuzzling your neck with his lips, kissing along your pulse point and hungrily inhaling your scent.
"Deeper? I can't go any deeper, hermosa. I'm already all the way inside you… She won't let me, you know?" To give you something different all the same, Javi swirled his finger around your clit with more force, smiling contentedly as you softly cried out his name.
"Javi… Javi, oh my god. I'm gonna cum."
It was no surprise that you were so close, considering he had already spent some time between your legs warming you up. It wouldn't take him much longer either, even though part of him just didn't want to let go yet, wanting to feel you a little longer.
"Jesus… You're so fucking warm, babygirl. So wet 'n' warm. Just made for me alone, mhm? I want you to cum for me and I want you to let it all go. Don't hold back."
He tucked your hair behind your ears, which didn't align with the powerful, sharp thrusts he delivered at all. They weren't painful or brutal, of course, but rather made you believe that Javi wanted to make sure you felt him. Preferably for days after. Each one was pointed and precise, driving into you with so much force you shuddered when he slammed back. Occasionally, Javi even broke the rhythm just to make his thrusts a little more surprising, drawing out a few more of those squeals from you. With success, obviously.
"You're so —" you mumbled, teeth dragging over your tongue to release the tension building in your body.
"I'm what?" Javi grinned, knowing that whatever words had formed in your head would amuse him.
"Good. Fuck… so good."
"That's my girl… You know what it does to my cock, don't you? Hearing you talk like that." Javi glanced down meaningfully, though you couldn't see a thing with your heavy, swimming head comfortably resting on a pillow.
"No. What?" you innocently asked, toying with the hair at his temples as your hooded eyes took in each of his lustful glances down your body, your jiggling tits, the thin layer of sweat covering your cleavage.
"Makes it really fucking hard… And proud." Javi purposefully drew his hips back before snapping them forward harshly, fully filling your spent pussy.
"Oh my god," you panted, unable even to tease him further about the effect of your words on his cock.
"Makes me wanna give it to you all night… Just playing with that sweet pussy for hours while she cums for me over and over again… So often that she forgets which one was coaxed out of her by my fingers, which one by my tongue and which by my cock… Makes me wanna give it to her really good, hermosa."
Javi lazily dragged his thumb around your bundle of nerves, throat vibrating with laughter at the way you jolted and jerked underneath him.
"C'mere, cariño…" Javi placed wet kisses along your jawline, all the way around your face until he landed one on your lips. "I want you to cum for me. Want you to give it all to me, baby, fuck… Need to — watch it. How you lose it."
His face was flushed and gleaming with sweat, drops falling from his brow onto your cheeks, but neither of you could have cared less. You were both on the verge of exploding, so much pressure and tension built up in your bodies that Javi felt like the condom wouldn't catch his entire load.
Meanwhile, your hands were still pulling at his hair, using a little more force every time he hit a particularly good spot or touched your clit right at its most sensitive point.
"Cum for me, baby. C'mon, sweetheart," he whispered at the exact moment his cock was buried all the way inside you, the rough skin of his thumb pressing directly onto your nub.
It was all you needed. His exhausted voice, his torso trapping you beneath him. Your head spun like a carousel, and the next thing you knew you were orgasming around Javi's cock, clenching around him ten times harder than before. He followed at once and spilled into the condom, his entire body quivering and shuddering.
His head dropped while you greedily let air fill your lungs, the muscles in your stomach convulsing.
"Oh my god," you murmured like a religious mantra, a single tear escaping from your lower lashes, which Javi quickly wiped from your face. "Javi… I — shit."
"I know, cariño… I got you. I got you, always. Just look at you cumming like that… S'fucking perfect. You're perfect."
There was a lot of vulnerability resonating in his voice, but since you were hovering in a similar dreamy state, you met his tenderness precisely, bringing your hands up to the back of his neck.
"Don't leave," you whispered, caressing his shoulder blades and closing your eyes.
"Where would I go, baby, mhm?"
"You could go home. But I want you to stay."
"I want to stay too…" he muttered through clenched teeth, flexing his jaw as he glided a hand from your hip up to your ribcage.
Javi stayed.
And he didn't just stay, he also fucked you again and again, like he had wished for earlier. First with his tongue, since his cock needed a little time to recover. Javi knelt between your legs and kissed his way down your body, which drew a fresh layer of sweat across your thighs and raised goosebumps along your forearms.
He made out with your clit slowly and passionately, like an ardent kiss shared between two lovers. After your third high of the night, you were crying softly, causing Javi to crawl up to you and scoop you into his arms. Your chin resting on his shoulder, he brought his lips to your ear, nibbling at your skin and speaking quietly.
"Can I give you more, baby? I just can't fucking stop. You taste so good and I need to see it again. Need to hear you say my name when you cum. You say it like you're mine. Like you're trying to tell me that you belong to me and that I'm the only one who gets to touch that pretty pussy."
You wanted to tell him that it was the truth, and that you only ever wanted him to be so close to you, but the words caught in your throat. All you could do was nod and whine his name once more while Javi crawled back down your body.
"Never gonna be done with her, hermosa… Never gonna be done telling her how perfect she is," Javi murmured the instant before he dove back in.
After making you cum again, this time keeping his tongue inside you throughout your high, he fucked you one more time with his cock. He had had great plans to coax a fifth one out of you, but about halfway through you had pressed a hand over your mouth, whimpering that you were too sensitive, which he had respected without a second thought. So it was just him spurting into the condom while hissing curses through his gritted teeth, mostly followed by high praise for you, how well you always took him, how addicted he was to your cunt, how perfect you felt. Better than anything else he had ever experienced.
"Jesus Christ… You're gonna be the fucking death of me, hermosa, shit… Fuck, yeah, like that… Don't move, baby, yes… Just stay like that, goddamnit…"
Then it was over.
Javi pulled out of you carefully, aware that after four releases, you would shriek at the slightest contact against your raw skin. A much darker, more twisted part of him found delight and rotten pleasure in the idea of his cock turning you into such a mess. You had willingly let him bruise your insides, had allowed him to push his fingers or tongue back inside you again and again just because you were so intoxicated by the feeling of him.
"You make it really hard to stop, baby," Javi chuckled, lying down next to you and offering you his hand, which you eagerly took.
"How late is it?" you whispered.
"I don't wanna know…"
"Why?" you asked, turning your head to glance at his profile. "We can sleep in tomorrow, right?"
"Yeah… we can. But still. I think it's really late."
Chest rising and falling steadily, you kissed the knuckles of his hand. "I'm feeling very sleepy, Javi…"
"That's okay, cariño… I put you through a lot today. Are you feeling good? Everything okay?"
You nodded with a faint smile lingering on your lips. "Yeah. Very good."
"Your pussy too?"
Your grin broadened as you felt Javi's fingertips ghost over your thigh, drifting toward your center.
"Yeah… But I really can't go another round."
"I know," he admitted, jutting his jaw forward. "You're just… really addictive. All of you. Makes it hard not to touch you all the time…"
"Well, we've got all the time in the world tomorrow…" you murmured, knowing well how much your boyfriend adored lazy morning sex when neither of you were really awake but highly sensitive to each other's touch.
He had barely even stopped touching you, yet Javi was already excited by the idea of waking you up with his mouth. Perhaps you would still be wet from the night before. Or maybe his proximity, his cock pressed against your backside, would make you dream filthy things that would turn you on in your sleep, resulting in drenched panties when you woke up.
Before Javi's thoughts could wander too far, he quickly kissed the top of your head.
"I can't wait for it. I'm gonna be all yours."
You smiled, then tilted your face so that his next kiss landed on your lips.
"I love you, baby."
Those four words had been as quiet as all the others, yet they carried a different feeling. A different weight, a different emotion ringing in his tone. There was longing and desire mixed with curiosity and fear. Fear that you wouldn't say it back. Now more than ever, Javi became aware that he had never said it quite like this before. He had spoken about being in love with you, told you how wonderful and perfect you were, but saying it to your face like that? It was a first. And hell, it was a little scary.
"I love you too, Javi. I love you so much."
Tears welled in your eyes, your bottom lip quivering as you pushed your face against his neck. A wave of relief coursed through him, flooding from the top of his head down to his little toe. It was ridiculous to feel so afraid of you not reciprocating his love after everything you two had just done, but Javi couldn't help it.
He wasn't half as confident with you as he usually was. Not in a bad way, though. It wasn't like you drained his self-assurance, but he just felt so much shyer and more afraid of doing something wrong whenever he was around you.
Maybe that was what his friends had talked about in the bar. They weren't blind to the way you had fundamentally changed something within him. Something that Javi couldn't quite grasp, but he knew that he liked it. He liked this version of himself, the one who was capable of allowing himself to feel things he had been reluctant to admit before. He liked what you did to him, how he acted in your presence.
"Just stay, baby. I just want you to stay," you whispered, his and your limbs a tangled sprawl across the bed.
"I will stay, cariño. For as long as you want me to. God… I love you."
Javi shows you how much he loves you after a visit in the bar with his friends who couldn't stop teasing him about his new-found love...
Contains: smut, p in v sex, oral sex (m & f receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, praise kink, dirty talk, use of pet names, light possessiveness, condom use, brief mention of morning-after pill, soft!Javi, teasing, crying during sex (from pleasure), fluff, domesticity, Javier is obsessed with you, "i love you" for the first time, yearning, soft ending, vulnerability, established relationship
Wordcount: 8,957
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Javi took a small sip from his whiskey, feeling the alcohol burn against his throat as he swallowed it.
"Seriously?" Steve barked, gripping his shoulders tightly, his behavior noticeably altered by the alcohol he had consumed so far. Which was a lot more than Javi had.
"You're still at your first drink, Javi? Jesus… You're in a bad mood?"
Derek and Tom, two more friends from work, exchanged knowing glances, then leaned forward.
"He's not in a bad mood, Steve. You know that. But he's got a place to be. Just watch this motherfucker leave the bar at 11 to go home to his lady," Derek laughed.
Javi rolled his eyes, though he didn't deny their accusations right away.
"Right…" Steve snorted, emptying his glass in one go. "The mystery lady. How is she? You're gonna go to her after this?"
"Of course he is. Our man couldn't sit still since we got here."
"Just look at him being all shy…"
Their voices were a swirling chaos, mixing with the music gushing from the speakers in the corners. All Javi could do was roll his eyes again and shake his head faintly.
"Will you shut up? Goddamnit…"
"Are we wrong, though? That's why he doesn't drink so much. Because he's got other plans."
Javi chose not to answer and neither deny nor confirm their suppositions. Obviously, they were right, Javi did was going to come over to your apartment after this, just like you and he had planned. But his friends didn't need to know that.
One might not expect it, but Javi had never in his life encountered people more keen to gossip than those three men. He would tell them more about you, of course. But everything in its time. And he definitely wanted to find a quieter moment than a bar at 10 o'clock.
"I can't believe Javier Peña is in love at last… Would you guys have ever believed it? If I told you three months ago that we would be sitting in a bar and instead of approaching a beautiful lady at the counter, Mr. Playboy would sit here with his first whiskey of the night thinking about his girlfriend? Doesn't sound right to me."
Steve chuckled softly, but Javi could see in his gaze that he wasn't actually irritated by the shift in his behavior. No… just like Derek and Tom, he seemed satisfied. Genuinely happy for Javi, which made his lips curl involuntarily.
That and… you, of course. He couldn't help it. With his friends bringing up the topic of you over and over, it wasn't difficult to get lost in all the memories in his head, the countless dates, every single angle he had ever seen of your beautiful smile, the wrinkles around your eyes when you laughed, and how you jutted your jaw forward whenever you were thinking hard. There were a million things he could tell his friends about you if the circumstances allowed. How your eyes for some reason teared up when you drank sparkling water. How you always stubbed your toe on the last step when you sprinted up the staircase. Javi had told you so many times that you should just take it slower, but somehow, he couldn't stop you from falling into your old patterns.
"He's dreaming again," Tommy suddenly said, making Javi's eyes focus on his friend wearing a broad grin. They were clearly amused by the change in him. It wasn't that Javi was a different person around you, but nowadays, his head so busy going over every single detail he had ever spotted on you and was most smitten with, he was seldom fully present.
"Sorry," Javi whispered, but didn't really sound it. He lowered his gaze to the counter, scanning the wooden lines until Steve patted his back.
"Don't be sorry. I'm proud of you, you know?" His voice was oozing sarcasm, but Javi chose to just listen to what his friend had to say.
"You're finally in love… And it suits you. You've got that glow about you, my friend."
"Glow?" Tom laughed loudly, leaning in closer as if he intended to scrutinize his expression more closely.
"Yeah. Sometimes. Like during lunch break on Wednesday."
Goddamnit, Javi already knew what Steve was talking about without him having to give him any more information.
"What happened?" Tom asked, looking between Derek and Steve.
"Right, you weren't there for it. Missed quite the party. We were all eating peacefully, going over a case when Javi got a phone call. I swear to god, he looked at the number for a second and then rushed out of the room saying that he really needed to take that. Steve and I spent ten minutes guessing who it was, and this guy was fucking convinced it couldn't be her because Javi wouldn't be that worked up about it, but when he came back, I knew I was right. Because that man's face was glowing."
Yes, Javi remembered that moment so clearly he could go back to it any time he wanted. You had called him because you had had an important business meeting that morning. After you had told him about it the day before, he had insisted on you letting him know how it had gone the second it was over, which was why he had spent most of his lunch break in the copy room, listening to you recount the meeting, which had fortunately gone very well.
As so often these days, Javi had felt his cheeks burn when he hung up the phone, which hadn't gone unnoticed by his colleagues. It was just the natural effect you had on him. The sound of your voice alone made his knees weak and the blood rush through his veins, even when you weren't even in the same room.
"Really?" Tom chuckled at that, ripping him from his thoughts. "You really have to introduce her to us, Javi. We need to know what she's like when she's got that kind of effect on you…"
"You will," he quickly assured them, drinking the last sip of his whiskey before putting the glass back down with a low thud. "You will get to know her. She's… incredible."
Steve, who always became a little more touchy when he'd had a lot to drink, put a hand on his shoulder.
"He looks like a teenage boy with his first crush, doesn't he, guys?"
Tom and Derek laughed in unison, examining Javi's clenched jaw and sweaty brow, which was evidence enough that the teasing was getting through to him.
"Not a crush, though," Derek then corrected. "That man is head over heels. Remember when we saw him daydreaming in the office with that stupid smile instead of working?"
Tom and Steve, who only now seemed to recall the moment, burst into laughter.
"Yeah, yeah… very funny," Javi growled.
"You've gotten soft, my friend. You've turned into a soft, loyal puppy. I don't know how much I like that version yet, but it was about damn time you found someone. Need to make sure you're capable of loving, don't we?"
An hour later, Javi quietly walked up the stairs of the apartment building you lived in. His keys, or rather your set of keys you had given him, since he basically stayed over every single night, were dangling at his side, his head a little languid even though he hadn't had more than one whiskey. Which had been the source of a lot of teasing.
Javi normally didn't mind a few drinks in the evening at all, especially on a Friday night. But as his friends had so astutely figured out, he didn't want to show up at your place drunk, stumbling through the door so that you would have to get him to bed like a helpless child. No, the prospect of coming home to you was motivation enough and a source of infinite happiness to keep his good mood up even while everyone around him was gradually getting more wasted. They were probably still at the bar right then, making jokes about the changes in Javi's lifestyle, how he seemed more content and at ease these days.
Some of the things Steve, Tom and Derek had said about him had actually been rather kind, things that Javi felt proud of, but at the same time, he hadn't been too sad about leaving his friends early. Well, most of his anticipation about exiting the bar had probably been tied to you, to be honest.
He slowly put the key in the lock, turning it as quietly as he could. Javi assumed you were still awake, but he couldn't be too careful, especially since you had complained about a headache earlier when he had come home after work. It had worried him enough to offer to stay in with you rather than go out with his friends, but you had insisted that he go, claiming that you would be fine with a relaxed evening on the couch and a large jug of fresh water.
"Javi… hey."
You were sitting at the kitchen table, hair loosely tied in a knot and a sudoku in front of you.
"Hi, sweetheart." He crossed the distance between the two of you in two large strides, then pressed his lips against the side of your head. "How are you? How's your head?"
"It's fine, baby. I drank so much water, I think I went to the toilet four times in the last hour, but it worked."
Releasing a soft breath, Javi pulled up a chair to sit down next to you. "Great… I was worried."
"You were?" you asked softly, lips pursed in sympathy. "No… I told you to enjoy yourself, didn't I?"
Your hand connected with his cheek, gently tracing along his shaven skin that was never fully even.
"I know. And I still had a very good time."
"Yes?"
Javi nodded. "Yeah. Even though they can't stop with the teasing."
"What teasing?" you asked, eyes wide, but he just snickered softly.
"Just the usual… You know, the stuff about me being distracted at work sometimes… Talking to you on the phone. They said I had a glow on my face on Wednesday during lunch break."
"Oh," you said, your hand dropping to rest on his thigh instead of his face.
"Yeah. I figured I should take it as a compliment. I think you should take it as a compliment," he then added, prompting you to chuckle lightly, your voice warm and soft against his skin.
"Maybe I should… They really can't stop, can they? I thought they would grow tired of teasing you about this after a week or two."
"Oh, they're persistent, baby," Javi muttered and briefly kissed you on the mouth, running a hand up and down your arm. "Today, they also said that you made me all soft. That you softened me."
"I softened you?" you repeated with raised eyebrows, a dark gleam shimmering in your eyes.
"I hope you disagree with that, Javi…" you hummed seductively, glancing at his crotch.
"Jesus, darling…" Javi muttered, only now realizing the double meaning behind his friends' comments.
"What? I would be very disappointed in myself if you agreed with that…" Your hand followed your eyes, drifting up his leg until your index finger trailed along the stitching of his jeans.
"You don't, do you?"
"No. I — don't," Javi murmured, voice threaded with a faint tremble that you might have imagined. Yes, there it was. Javi looked down his body where his cock was stirring beneath the confines of his underwear. He could both feel it and see it, which meant it hadn't gone unnoticed by you either.
"Good… I would rather like to make you harder, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," Javi purred, leaning in once more to capture your mouth in a gentle, still explorative way, even though he knew the lines and curves of your lips better than he knew his own by now.
Meanwhile, the two of you had shifted to sit on the edge of your seats, minimizing the distance between your longing bodies as best as you could. But it just wasn't enough. Javi felt his cock uncomfortably rub against the tightly woven fabric of his jeans, your index finger ghosting over his crotch doing nothing to calm his breathing.
"Sweetheart…" he murmured, letting out a sharp hiss that tingled at the corner of your mouth.
And then, it wasn't enough anymore either. Javi felt frustrated sitting so far away from you, your back too far away to reach around and unclasp your bra. So he stood up abruptly, nostrils flaring as he took in the sight of you. You had that feverish glow about you, and maybe it was exactly what his friends had talked about earlier. If that was the case, it seemed to be infectious.
"Where are you going?" you breathed, sweetly sucking your bottom lip between your teeth. With a deep huff, he took a step forward, slung an arm around your back and hauled you up, pressing you close against his front as he headed for your bedroom.
"Oh, I'm taking you right with me, cariño…"
Everything about your apartment was so familiar, which was why Javi moved with such confidence, each stride willful and determined.
"You look so gorgeous, Javi."
Throaty laughter left him as he placed you in the center of the bed like he owned the room and everything inside it.
"Oh yeah? I'm flattered then…"
"I really need you inside me, Javi. Please. I… I thought about it all day."
Running a hand through his messy hair, Javi climbed onto the bed as well, the mattress sighing under his weight.
"Don't worry, hermosa, I'm gonna fill you up well… You want it right here?" Without any warning, Javi cupped your pussy, not moving or rubbing against you but just holding his hand right there while you squirmed and sighed heavily.
"Yes. Yes, there, Javi… But I would also like to suck it."
With the sole purpose of teasing you, he pretended to think about your request for a moment, lips pouty and brow furrowed. You, of course, knew that he would never deny such a proposal, which was why you quickly gripped his length through his jeans, although you weren't able to paw at him like you would have been had he worn sweatpants like you did right now.
"You're getting a little greedy now, aren't you?"
Despite his teasing, Javi didn't stop you when you moved to the edge of the bed, challengingly darting your eyes at the empty spot in the middle. How could he have possibly found the strength to do that? You were a perfect dream, the most beautiful and intoxicating person he had ever laid eyes on, and there you were asking him to let you suck his cock. It was ridiculous and unreal.
Still, Javi moved into position fast, his head swimming and his tip already leaking with precum, just a reaction to what you were about to do to him. He remembered all the times you had taken him in your mouth in vivid detail, but the most outstanding experience to date had been the very first time.
There was no use pretending to be new to any of this, in fact, Javi wasn't hesitant to admit that he had spent a good amount of his early adulthood sleeping around and exploring all sorts of things.
This had advantages and disadvantages. For instance, he knew precisely what he liked, what he didn't like, what he despised and what his guilty pleasure was. But on the other hand, when Javi was with you, he wished he could experience everything again with you for the first time. Not that it wasn't great all the same. Actually, sex and everything around it felt even more enthralling, intense and arousing since he did it with someone he was so bewitched by. Still, there was something so intimate and special about sleeping with you that made him want to relive all his first times with you. Which was applicable to the rest of his life as well.
He was lowering himself onto the bed now, spreading his legs a little so that there was enough room for you to crawl between.
"Baby, you're too good to me, you know that?" Javi whispered, his hooded eyes taking in the way you found a comfortable position between his legs, your hands settling on the waistband of his jeans.
"I like making you feel good, Javi," you answered with a playful smirk pulling at your lips.
"Yeah?"
"Yes… I like the things that you say." He drove his teeth into his bottom lip, breath hitching while he lifted his hips to help you yank down his pants.
"You like the things that I say?"
"Mhm." You nodded, eyes brightening with joy at the tent in his boxers.
"So you like it when I praise you?"
"Maybe," you grinned wickedly, one of your hands wandering up his thigh all the way from his knee. You clearly wanted to tease him just a little longer, stretch out the moment until he was going to lose a bit of his composure himself.
"Sweetheart, you're killing me here… Saying stuff like that… Touching me like that."
"Like that?" you muttered, your hand ghosting less than an inch above his clothed cock.
"Yeah, fuck — like that. I really need you to touch me, cariño. Are you gonna do that? Or are you gonna try to make me lose my fucking mind?"
His tone was more hollow now, lacking the intense depth of his usual voice. Maybe that was exactly what you had been talking about when you said you liked the things he said, how you could probably tell from the way he spoke how far you had driven him with your teasing.
"I like making you lose your mind just a little bit…" you admitted, but finally brought your hand to his hard cock, caressing it like it was much more sensitive than it actually was.
"Fuck, baby…" He drew a sharp breath through his tightly clenched teeth, one hand buried in your hair while the other pressed flat on the bed. "Is that what you wanna do tonight? Tease the shit out of me?"
You pretended to think about it, which provoked Javi to chuckle softly. "Oh yeah? You're seriously considering that? What do you want to punish me for then, mhm? Did I do something?"
Your expression shifted at that, eyes growing wider as you gripped his cock more firmly.
"No… You didn't. It's just really hot, you know? How you… look at me. Makes me feel like you want me so much."
"Oh, and I want you so much. You know that, don't you?" Javi leaned his head back against the wall, lips curling upward while he gently ran his fingers through your hair.
"Yes."
Returning the smile, you started to pull down his underwear and yanked them to his ankles with his help. His cock was hard against his abdomen, the veins standing out prominently and you involuntarily curled and uncurled your toes.
"It's so pretty, Javi," you murmured, lowering your head to the same level as his cock and darting out your tongue to lick a slow strip across his glans.
"Baby," your boyfriend huffed, his muscles coiling even though his gaze seemed to soften further. "Fuck… Your tongue's — so good."
His hand at the back of your head didn't push or hurry you but rather caressed your scalp in a way that made it all too tempting to glance up at him every now and then and devour the look he gave you. That sheer expression of his lust, his appreciation and even admiration. But since your main focus remained his cock, you kept your eyes on it for the most part, letting more and more of him slip past your lips in a manner that made Javi's eyes roll back.
"Jesus fucking Christ… Darling, you — you're so good to me. How the fuck did I deserve that, mhm?"
You brought your hand to his cock, pumping the part of his length that you couldn't reach so easily with your lips while twirling your tongue around his tip.
"You're just really good to me too, Javi. And you taste good."
"And you just want me to lose my mind… That's it, right? Fuck…" His free hand combed through his own messy hair, sweaty and tousled both from his time in the bar and the attentive work of your generous mouth.
Slowly, gradually, so that you wouldn't gag around him, you went deeper with closed eyes, your tongue flat so that his cock could slide past it. He really did taste good, a little salty, mixed with something warm and strong. And then there was his scent… Javi always smelled clean and fresh, but beneath the layers of his aftershave there was also something you couldn't quite find words for, something that you could only link to him. He just smelled like… Javier Peña. Through and through. Which was part of the reason why you loved going down on him so much. Why you loved it when your face was pressed against him and his lips whispered your name like it was a sin that shouldn't make its way out of his apartment.
"You feel so good, baby. So good, you — fuck, cariño… Can you look at me? Please."
You raised your head a little, just enough so that you wouldn't choke the second you lost your focus on your breathing, following his request instead. It definitely wasn't the most comfortable position, but you managed to lock your gaze with his, blinking a few times, determined not to let go of his dick just because he had asked to see your eyes.
"You're doing so well, sweetheart… I don't deserve you, shit… Holy shit — I don't know how you do it."
After toying with his cock for a few more minutes, focusing on his shaft and tip rather than forcing all of him down your throat, Javi tenderly pulled you off with a low groan. Spit and precum were coating his member, which was also the reason why slick, wet noises had been bouncing off the walls of his bedroom for the past few minutes. You liked it messy and therefore didn't mind the mixture of your drool and his wetness trickling down your chin or dropping onto your neck. If anything, it just made you feel like you were putting all your effort into the blow job, which was your goal at the end of the day.
"I need to make you feel good too, darling… Can I? Please, princess."
"Yes, Javi," you quickly murmured, allowing him to lift your face and kiss your lips.
"I need you, sweetheart." His motions were a lot more urgent, rushed even, as he cradled your head for a little longer, then helped you lie back. This time, neither of you even bothered to turn around on the bed so that your head could rest on the pillow, Javi just guided you down, his face hovering above yours.
"Fuck, baby, you don't know how much I want you. How much I was looking forward to coming home to you."
He knew that he sounded like he didn't give a fuck about his friends, like the cliché of a person who falls head over heels for a woman and abandons all his friends for months because he is so deeply in love, but in that moment, he didn't care. Because it was true. He had thought about you with almost no break ever since he had left the house and had to say goodbye to you.
"Can I have your fingers, Javi?" you breathed, rolling your hips up into his to grind against his hard length.
"Anything you want, hermosa… Where do you want them, mhm? Inside you? On your pretty clit?"
"Inside, please," you replied at once, making Javi believe that you had been thinking about his hands the entire time you were sucking his cock.
"Alright, baby. You're gonna get everything you want, I promise. You just gotta tell me, and you'll get it. Always."
"Always?" you giggled, hips rising while your boyfriend kissed his way down your body, pulling your shirt up for his mouth to leave a wet trace across your skin.
"Of course. Wherever you are… When I visit you at work… In a restaurant… a bar." Javi's hands were splayed across your ribcage, his lips purposefully tickling your stomach and making you jolt.
"I don't know if that's a good idea…" you whispered, your pussy clenching with excitement as Javi pulled down your sweatpants along with your underwear, wasting no more time with teasing you.
"What is?"
"You saying that…"
His large hand stroked up your thighs, gently parting them to take in the state of your cunt. "And why?"
"Because I want you often."
Javi lowered his head, though his eyes remained fixed on you. "How often?"
"Mhm… depends."
"Depends on what?"
Before you could respond, you had to get your breathing under control, which was why you drew in a deep breath, watching his tongue peek out and carefully circle your protruding bundle of nerves.
"Many things… Like what you're wearing… The things you're saying…"
Although Javi was thoroughly occupied with drawing patterns all over your pussy as though he intended to craft a painting with the quick swipes of his tongue, your words piqued his interest and his eyes found yours once again.
"What things I'm saying, baby?"
Your mouth twisted, eyes sparkling brightly. "Like… Like when you tell me about your work."
"My work?" Javi couldn't help but chuckle, effortlessly parting your pussy lips with the thumb of his right hand.
"Mhmm, yes… Sometimes. It just… sounds so hot."
He was still laughing as he slowly pushed his thumb inside your fluttering, soaked hole that was sucking him in so well Javi assumed it wasn't nearly enough to satisfy your needs yet. You needed more of him, all of him preferably.
"Well, then I guess I should tell you about my work more often, cariño," he murmured, his voice a deep vibration against your skin. "Because I like seeing you like that. S'really fucking sweet."
Driven by pure instinct, your head tilted away from him, your hair covering the side of your face where heat was rising in your cheeks. Javi couldn't be sure, though.
"Am I making you blush, cariño?" he wanted to know, pressing an open-mouthed kiss right on top of your blazing clit.
"No," you quickly lied and thrust your hips forward, beckoning Javi to push his finger further inside you.
"Good. 'Cause if you were, I'd tell you there's no reason to feel that way. Now do you want more, babygirl?"
You couldn't believe he was even asking you that, your hand flying out to grab his broad shoulder.
"Yeah. Yes, please. Please, Javi. I need more."
He was so smug and so stirred by your pleas at the same time, tempted to draw the moment out a little longer, but in the end his desire to watch your pleasure unfurl in its purest form won out, and Javi put more strength behind his motions. He worked his thumb inside you to the knuckle, let a generous amount of spit run down your pussy and sucked the little nub between his lips, hollowing his cheeks to build pressure. All of it happened so quickly that your nails scraped his shoulders, even the thin layer of his open shirt unable to keep him from feeling a sharp pain soar through him. Still, it wasn't the kind of sting that would prompt him to tell you to keep your hands to yourself… No, Javi felt proud of making you lose control like that.
"Javi…" you howled, eyes pinched shut and thighs convulsing even though he had only just started.
"I know, baby. She tastes good. And I know she's been waiting for me, hasn't she? S'why she welcomes me like that. And s'why she's so wet and warm for me. Just for me, isn't that right?"
You adored listening to Javi giving your pussy pronouns, talking about it like it was a separate part of your body with a mind and needs of its own. You didn't know what it was about it, but you were well aware of the effect it had on you.
"Yes, Javi. Just for you. Only for you, fuck —" Your shoulders rolled, shoulder blades lifting off the mattress, hands travelling up to his dark hair, which you lightly tugged on. Once Javi decided it was about time to give you more of his fingers, he pulled his thumb out and instead fed you his middle and ring finger, both so long they reached far deeper inside you than his thumb had.
You nearly choked on your own spit, tension rippling through your spine like tiny shock waves, though you associated them with something good and pleasurable.
"Yeah, you're really fucking warm and tight for me right there, mhm? All that for me?"
"Yes, Javi. All that for you, please, fuck —"
You didn't even know what you wanted. Hell, how were you supposed to figure it out with his fingers seizing all your attention like a black hole every time you tried to coherently sort your thoughts?
But your boyfriend seemed to understand you regardless, or at least it felt like he was really hitting an aching spot when he slid his tongue over the underside of your clit. Yes, he was hitting all the right spots with that. His fingers were tapping against the spongy patch within your walls, which you rarely even found on your own, whereas Javi never let a single session go by without that little area getting its treat. "Like it deserves it," your boyfriend used to say.
Meanwhile, his tongue was taking care of your clit, which seemed to be in flames, your nerve endings on high alert. You wished he would quench your desires, finish what he had started and put out the fire scorching across your pearl, but at the same time you wished he were inside you with his cock rather than his fingers. Sure, you loved to squeeze around them, to feel them move and stretch your walls, but there was always something entirely different about Javi putting his cock inside you. The intimacy, the closeness of it all was probably what was most alluring to you.
"Javi…" you whined, voice higher than when you normally talked to him. You squirmed on the bed with your thighs pressing against either side of his head, your hips bucking in search of something you couldn't quite describe.
"I know, baby. I'm gonna make you feel so good. So good that this pussy's gonna soak my face. She's so wet, sweetheart, so fucking perfect for me… You feel that?"
Javi slowly drew his fingers back, proving to you that your cunt couldn't be called wet but downright drenched. Slurping noises rose from your center, so unambiguous and filthy that you might have felt embarrassed about it. But not with Javi. Not with a man who always worshipped your body's reaction to him and showed his adoration in the same way that he savored every last one of your moans and whimpers.
"I want you to — fuck me, Javi," you stammered, his lips closing around your clit and dragging his heavy tongue along the outline. It was staggering, so perfect that it took a lot of willpower to make peace with the fact that he was about to comply with your request and pull away, but you longed for his thick cock inside you too much to wait for your first orgasm of the night.
Javi loved to make you cum at least once before he buried himself inside you, but tonight your need to feel him was especially strong. You wanted to feel every inch of him on top of you, be able to tangle your fingers with his and drape your legs around his hips. And that was only possible with him lying on top of you, fucking you into the bed.
"You want me to fuck you, sweetheart? Now?"
"Yes," you whimpered and spread your legs wider. Javi didn't need any more than that. He hadn't been lying when he said he would give you anything you wanted, which also included stopping his tongue play on your cunt earlier than he had anticipated.
Panting heavily, Javi left his space between your legs, though he rubbed your clit one last time with the pad of his thumb. Then he crawled toward your bedside table and opened the top drawer with a confidence that suggested he knew his way around your apartment effortlessly. There they were. Condoms that fitted him perfectly.
"Really, Javi…?" you muttered through pursed lips, feet planted flat on the bed, your hand busy tucking your hair behind your ears.
"Yes, cariño. C'mon, don't give me those eyes."
He should have known that he had made a mistake the first time he had fucked you raw. Okay, it had happened more than once, but definitely no more than three or four times. Obviously, Javi had regretted it within minutes, but you had shown a particular fondness for feeling him without a condom every single time.
And to avoid the fear of getting pregnant, you had taken the morning-after pill, which had relieved Javi even though he wasn't keen on watching you go down that path just because it was convenient and allowed you that special connection during sex. Condoms were safer, and Javi knew that, goddamnit. At times, it was just very difficult to deny you anything at all. Tonight, he would remain unwavering, though.
"Just this once. Please," you begged, putting even more hunger and yearning into your eyes, though Javi quickly averted his gaze so that he wouldn't feel too tempted by your dangerous request.
"Baby, you gotta stop… I'm gonna make it good, I promise. You trust me, right?"
"Yes," you whined, glancing down at his cock, which was throbbing in his firm grip.
"Okay… Then just relax. And enjoy it."
Javi was quick to tear the small package open, fumbling with the plastic and dropping it onto the nightstand. Then his eyes connected with yours again, skimming past the yearning in your gaze with a faint stumble of his heart.
"I'm gonna make it good, cariño… Gonna do all the work… Just need my princess to enjoy it and keep her eyes on me."
You couldn't help but chuckle softly, which relieved Javi, who had feared that refusing to fuck you raw would set off your pouting.
"I can do the work too," you insisted, reaching for his hard, throbbing cock, but Javi shook his head with a glossy twinkle in his eyes.
"I know you can… But tonight I just want you to lie back and relax. Okay?" Javi lovingly placed his palm on your cheek, thumb stretching out to brush against your cheekbone.
"Okay…"
He didn't need to hear more than that. Running his hand up and down your thigh, Javi single-handedly rolled the condom over his cock and stroked himself a couple of times. Of course, he would have liked to forgo the condom as well, but he already knew that he would feel guilty afterwards when the two of you had to rush to the pharmacy in the morning for the morning-after pill.
His left hand guided his tip through your slit, smearing your wetness all over your folds to make a mess he would be happy to clean up later.
"Javi," you whimpered as his cock nudged your sensitive bud, your legs spreading a little wider as though reminding him where your hole was.
"You want me to put it in?" he murmured, leaning down with his entire weight, knowing well how much you adored feeling as much of him as you physically could.
"Yes. Yes, Javi, please."
Your chests were flush against each other, not just sweat connecting your bodies but your heat as well. Everything was in sync, your heavy breathing, your heartbeat, probably even your temperatures.
"Put it in," you demanded once more, then drew a slow breath when you felt his heavy tip nudge against your hole. As always, Javi pressed his thumb into your clit while he worked his cock inside your cunt, giving you something to cling to and focus on while your walls stretched to accommodate him. Besides, he swore he always felt you loosen up a little more whenever his finger provided extra stimulation.
"Oh my god," you hummed, sliding your hands over the toned muscles of his arms and shoulders before planting them on his back. You pushed gently against him, communicating that you wanted to minimize the distance between the two of you without using your words. And just like you had hoped, Javi understood despite your inability to speak.
"Baby, you feel like a fucking dream. Look at me, cariño, please."
It wasn't easy to keep your eyes focused on one spot as your pupils tended to uncontrollably flick to the sides whenever he was stretching your walls like that. Still, you tried your very best for him.
"Javi, oh my god, oh my god," you whimpered quietly, feeling his chest cage you beneath him in the most exciting way possible.
"That's it, sweetheart. That's it… You like it? You like it when I go in slowly like that?"
He wasn't even halfway inside you even though you were more than ready to take him in one go.
"Yes," you breathed, your legs wrapping around his hips tightly.
You were holding onto him like a monkey, like you weren't planning to let him go any time soon. Pulse thundering behind your temples, you hid your face in the crook of his neck while Javi disappeared inside you painfully slowly, taking his time with every single inch. Of course, his touch on your bundle of nerves hadn't stopped and he still rubbed fast circles over your skin, which caused your lids to flutter and your pussy to drench his girthy cock.
You didn't know how Javi managed to squeeze his hand between your bodies, which were pressed so closely together that you had been certain not even a sheet of paper would fit between you. Still, he somehow found a way.
"Just a little bit more…" Javi hummed against your earlobe, pinching your clit between thumb and index finger. "Fuck… You're squeezing me so tightly. Just need you to look at me. Need to see how — good you're feeling."
That was something you could comply with. You didn't struggle for a second to convey your love for his actions and didn't shy away from moaning his name softly, working it between your teeth like a reverent prayer or a holy exclamation.
"Javi… Javi, please —" You took a deep breath, which didn't help. You felt too hot and short of breath, your body deliciously confined in the best way you could imagine. Buried beneath the man you needed so badly, held in place by his strong arms.
At last, he was fully sheathed inside you, his cock hitting all the right spots from within. Now that he was entirely buried in your warmth, he couldn't hold back any longer and quickly started to move in a steady rhythm. You weren't new to his technique, his long, intense, still quite slow thrusts that seemed to press you a little deeper into the bed with each one.
"Oh my god," was all you could breathe, your eyes on him as requested, though a thick veil hung over your sight.
"I know, baby. Feels good, doesn't it? I can feel you clench so hard around me. S'a lot for your pretty pussy, isn't it?"
You nodded softly, hazy eyes gazing back up at him.
"Too much?" Javi searched your face suspiciously at the faint shake of your head. "Talk to me, sweetheart. Need to hear you say it."
"No. S'not too much. It's good like that."
His hand gently slapping your clit wasn't really a reward, yet it felt like one.
"Deeper, Javi… please. Please, I need — more."
This time, it was Javi nuzzling your neck with his lips, kissing along your pulse point and hungrily inhaling your scent.
"Deeper? I can't go any deeper, hermosa. I'm already all the way inside you… She won't let me, you know?" To give you something different all the same, Javi swirled his finger around your clit with more force, smiling contentedly as you softly cried out his name.
"Javi… Javi, oh my god. I'm gonna cum."
It was no surprise that you were so close, considering he had already spent some time between your legs warming you up. It wouldn't take him much longer either, even though part of him just didn't want to let go yet, wanting to feel you a little longer.
"Jesus… You're so fucking warm, babygirl. So wet 'n' warm. Just made for me alone, mhm? I want you to cum for me and I want you to let it all go. Don't hold back."
He tucked your hair behind your ears, which didn't align with the powerful, sharp thrusts he delivered at all. They weren't painful or brutal, of course, but rather made you believe that Javi wanted to make sure you felt him. Preferably for days after. Each one was pointed and precise, driving into you with so much force you shuddered when he slammed back. Occasionally, Javi even broke the rhythm just to make his thrusts a little more surprising, drawing out a few more of those squeals from you. With success, obviously.
"You're so —" you mumbled, teeth dragging over your tongue to release the tension building in your body.
"I'm what?" Javi grinned, knowing that whatever words had formed in your head would amuse him.
"Good. Fuck… so good."
"That's my girl… You know what it does to my cock, don't you? Hearing you talk like that." Javi glanced down meaningfully, though you couldn't see a thing with your heavy, swimming head comfortably resting on a pillow.
"No. What?" you innocently asked, toying with the hair at his temples as your hooded eyes took in each of his lustful glances down your body, your jiggling tits, the thin layer of sweat covering your cleavage.
"Makes it really fucking hard… And proud." Javi purposefully drew his hips back before snapping them forward harshly, fully filling your spent pussy.
"Oh my god," you panted, unable even to tease him further about the effect of your words on his cock.
"Makes me wanna give it to you all night… Just playing with that sweet pussy for hours while she cums for me over and over again… So often that she forgets which one was coaxed out of her by my fingers, which one by my tongue and which by my cock… Makes me wanna give it to her really good, hermosa."
Javi lazily dragged his thumb around your bundle of nerves, throat vibrating with laughter at the way you jolted and jerked underneath him.
"C'mere, cariño…" Javi placed wet kisses along your jawline, all the way around your face until he landed one on your lips. "I want you to cum for me. Want you to give it all to me, baby, fuck… Need to — watch it. How you lose it."
His face was flushed and gleaming with sweat, drops falling from his brow onto your cheeks, but neither of you could have cared less. You were both on the verge of exploding, so much pressure and tension built up in your bodies that Javi felt like the condom wouldn't catch his entire load.
Meanwhile, your hands were still pulling at his hair, using a little more force every time he hit a particularly good spot or touched your clit right at its most sensitive point.
"Cum for me, baby. C'mon, sweetheart," he whispered at the exact moment his cock was buried all the way inside you, the rough skin of his thumb pressing directly onto your nub.
It was all you needed. His exhausted voice, his torso trapping you beneath him. Your head spun like a carousel, and the next thing you knew you were orgasming around Javi's cock, clenching around him ten times harder than before. He followed at once and spilled into the condom, his entire body quivering and shuddering.
His head dropped while you greedily let air fill your lungs, the muscles in your stomach convulsing.
"Oh my god," you murmured like a religious mantra, a single tear escaping from your lower lashes, which Javi quickly wiped from your face. "Javi… I — shit."
"I know, cariño… I got you. I got you, always. Just look at you cumming like that… S'fucking perfect. You're perfect."
There was a lot of vulnerability resonating in his voice, but since you were hovering in a similar dreamy state, you met his tenderness precisely, bringing your hands up to the back of his neck.
"Don't leave," you whispered, caressing his shoulder blades and closing your eyes.
"Where would I go, baby, mhm?"
"You could go home. But I want you to stay."
"I want to stay too…" he muttered through clenched teeth, flexing his jaw as he glided a hand from your hip up to your ribcage.
Javi stayed.
And he didn't just stay, he also fucked you again and again, like he had wished for earlier. First with his tongue, since his cock needed a little time to recover. Javi knelt between your legs and kissed his way down your body, which drew a fresh layer of sweat across your thighs and raised goosebumps along your forearms.
He made out with your clit slowly and passionately, like an ardent kiss shared between two lovers. After your third high of the night, you were crying softly, causing Javi to crawl up to you and scoop you into his arms. Your chin resting on his shoulder, he brought his lips to your ear, nibbling at your skin and speaking quietly.
"Can I give you more, baby? I just can't fucking stop. You taste so good and I need to see it again. Need to hear you say my name when you cum. You say it like you're mine. Like you're trying to tell me that you belong to me and that I'm the only one who gets to touch that pretty pussy."
You wanted to tell him that it was the truth, and that you only ever wanted him to be so close to you, but the words caught in your throat. All you could do was nod and whine his name once more while Javi crawled back down your body.
"Never gonna be done with her, hermosa… Never gonna be done telling her how perfect she is," Javi murmured the instant before he dove back in.
After making you cum again, this time keeping his tongue inside you throughout your high, he fucked you one more time with his cock. He had had great plans to coax a fifth one out of you, but about halfway through you had pressed a hand over your mouth, whimpering that you were too sensitive, which he had respected without a second thought. So it was just him spurting into the condom while hissing curses through his gritted teeth, mostly followed by high praise for you, how well you always took him, how addicted he was to your cunt, how perfect you felt. Better than anything else he had ever experienced.
"Jesus Christ… You're gonna be the fucking death of me, hermosa, shit… Fuck, yeah, like that… Don't move, baby, yes… Just stay like that, goddamnit…"
Then it was over.
Javi pulled out of you carefully, aware that after four releases, you would shriek at the slightest contact against your raw skin. A much darker, more twisted part of him found delight and rotten pleasure in the idea of his cock turning you into such a mess. You had willingly let him bruise your insides, had allowed him to push his fingers or tongue back inside you again and again just because you were so intoxicated by the feeling of him.
"You make it really hard to stop, baby," Javi chuckled, lying down next to you and offering you his hand, which you eagerly took.
"How late is it?" you whispered.
"I don't wanna know…"
"Why?" you asked, turning your head to glance at his profile. "We can sleep in tomorrow, right?"
"Yeah… we can. But still. I think it's really late."
Chest rising and falling steadily, you kissed the knuckles of his hand. "I'm feeling very sleepy, Javi…"
"That's okay, cariño… I put you through a lot today. Are you feeling good? Everything okay?"
You nodded with a faint smile lingering on your lips. "Yeah. Very good."
"Your pussy too?"
Your grin broadened as you felt Javi's fingertips ghost over your thigh, drifting toward your center.
"Yeah… But I really can't go another round."
"I know," he admitted, jutting his jaw forward. "You're just… really addictive. All of you. Makes it hard not to touch you all the time…"
"Well, we've got all the time in the world tomorrow…" you murmured, knowing well how much your boyfriend adored lazy morning sex when neither of you were really awake but highly sensitive to each other's touch.
He had barely even stopped touching you, yet Javi was already excited by the idea of waking you up with his mouth. Perhaps you would still be wet from the night before. Or maybe his proximity, his cock pressed against your backside, would make you dream filthy things that would turn you on in your sleep, resulting in drenched panties when you woke up.
Before Javi's thoughts could wander too far, he quickly kissed the top of your head.
"I can't wait for it. I'm gonna be all yours."
You smiled, then tilted your face so that his next kiss landed on your lips.
"I love you, baby."
Those four words had been as quiet as all the others, yet they carried a different feeling. A different weight, a different emotion ringing in his tone. There was longing and desire mixed with curiosity and fear. Fear that you wouldn't say it back. Now more than ever, Javi became aware that he had never said it quite like this before. He had spoken about being in love with you, told you how wonderful and perfect you were, but saying it to your face like that? It was a first. And hell, it was a little scary.
"I love you too, Javi. I love you so much."
Tears welled in your eyes, your bottom lip quivering as you pushed your face against his neck. A wave of relief coursed through him, flooding from the top of his head down to his little toe. It was ridiculous to feel so afraid of you not reciprocating his love after everything you two had just done, but Javi couldn't help it.
He wasn't half as confident with you as he usually was. Not in a bad way, though. It wasn't like you drained his self-assurance, but he just felt so much shyer and more afraid of doing something wrong whenever he was around you.
Maybe that was what his friends had talked about in the bar. They weren't blind to the way you had fundamentally changed something within him. Something that Javi couldn't quite grasp, but he knew that he liked it. He liked this version of himself, the one who was capable of allowing himself to feel things he had been reluctant to admit before. He liked what you did to him, how he acted in your presence.
"Just stay, baby. I just want you to stay," you whispered, his and your limbs a tangled sprawl across the bed.
"I will stay, cariño. For as long as you want me to. God… I love you."
Javi shows you how much he loves you after a visit in the bar with his friends who couldn't stop teasing him about his new-found love...
Contains: smut, p in v sex, oral sex (m & f receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, praise kink, dirty talk, use of pet names, light possessiveness, condom use, brief mention of morning-after pill, soft!Javi, teasing, crying during sex (from pleasure), fluff, domesticity, Javier is obsessed with you, "i love you" for the first time, yearning, soft ending, vulnerability, established relationship
Wordcount: 8,957
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Javi took a small sip from his whiskey, feeling the alcohol burn against his throat as he swallowed it.
"Seriously?" Steve barked, gripping his shoulders tightly, his behavior noticeably altered by the alcohol he had consumed so far. Which was a lot more than Javi had.
"You're still at your first drink, Javi? Jesus… You're in a bad mood?"
Derek and Tom, two more friends from work, exchanged knowing glances, then leaned forward.
"He's not in a bad mood, Steve. You know that. But he's got a place to be. Just watch this motherfucker leave the bar at 11 to go home to his lady," Derek laughed.
Javi rolled his eyes, though he didn't deny their accusations right away.
"Right…" Steve snorted, emptying his glass in one go. "The mystery lady. How is she? You're gonna go to her after this?"
"Of course he is. Our man couldn't sit still since we got here."
"Just look at him being all shy…"
Their voices were a swirling chaos, mixing with the music gushing from the speakers in the corners. All Javi could do was roll his eyes again and shake his head faintly.
"Will you shut up? Goddamnit…"
"Are we wrong, though? That's why he doesn't drink so much. Because he's got other plans."
Javi chose not to answer and neither deny nor confirm their suppositions. Obviously, they were right, Javi did was going to come over to your apartment after this, just like you and he had planned. But his friends didn't need to know that.
One might not expect it, but Javi had never in his life encountered people more keen to gossip than those three men. He would tell them more about you, of course. But everything in its time. And he definitely wanted to find a quieter moment than a bar at 10 o'clock.
"I can't believe Javier Peña is in love at last… Would you guys have ever believed it? If I told you three months ago that we would be sitting in a bar and instead of approaching a beautiful lady at the counter, Mr. Playboy would sit here with his first whiskey of the night thinking about his girlfriend? Doesn't sound right to me."
Steve chuckled softly, but Javi could see in his gaze that he wasn't actually irritated by the shift in his behavior. No… just like Derek and Tom, he seemed satisfied. Genuinely happy for Javi, which made his lips curl involuntarily.
That and… you, of course. He couldn't help it. With his friends bringing up the topic of you over and over, it wasn't difficult to get lost in all the memories in his head, the countless dates, every single angle he had ever seen of your beautiful smile, the wrinkles around your eyes when you laughed, and how you jutted your jaw forward whenever you were thinking hard. There were a million things he could tell his friends about you if the circumstances allowed. How your eyes for some reason teared up when you drank sparkling water. How you always stubbed your toe on the last step when you sprinted up the staircase. Javi had told you so many times that you should just take it slower, but somehow, he couldn't stop you from falling into your old patterns.
"He's dreaming again," Tommy suddenly said, making Javi's eyes focus on his friend wearing a broad grin. They were clearly amused by the change in him. It wasn't that Javi was a different person around you, but nowadays, his head so busy going over every single detail he had ever spotted on you and was most smitten with, he was seldom fully present.
"Sorry," Javi whispered, but didn't really sound it. He lowered his gaze to the counter, scanning the wooden lines until Steve patted his back.
"Don't be sorry. I'm proud of you, you know?" His voice was oozing sarcasm, but Javi chose to just listen to what his friend had to say.
"You're finally in love… And it suits you. You've got that glow about you, my friend."
"Glow?" Tom laughed loudly, leaning in closer as if he intended to scrutinize his expression more closely.
"Yeah. Sometimes. Like during lunch break on Wednesday."
Goddamnit, Javi already knew what Steve was talking about without him having to give him any more information.
"What happened?" Tom asked, looking between Derek and Steve.
"Right, you weren't there for it. Missed quite the party. We were all eating peacefully, going over a case when Javi got a phone call. I swear to god, he looked at the number for a second and then rushed out of the room saying that he really needed to take that. Steve and I spent ten minutes guessing who it was, and this guy was fucking convinced it couldn't be her because Javi wouldn't be that worked up about it, but when he came back, I knew I was right. Because that man's face was glowing."
Yes, Javi remembered that moment so clearly he could go back to it any time he wanted. You had called him because you had had an important business meeting that morning. After you had told him about it the day before, he had insisted on you letting him know how it had gone the second it was over, which was why he had spent most of his lunch break in the copy room, listening to you recount the meeting, which had fortunately gone very well.
As so often these days, Javi had felt his cheeks burn when he hung up the phone, which hadn't gone unnoticed by his colleagues. It was just the natural effect you had on him. The sound of your voice alone made his knees weak and the blood rush through his veins, even when you weren't even in the same room.
"Really?" Tom chuckled at that, ripping him from his thoughts. "You really have to introduce her to us, Javi. We need to know what she's like when she's got that kind of effect on you…"
"You will," he quickly assured them, drinking the last sip of his whiskey before putting the glass back down with a low thud. "You will get to know her. She's… incredible."
Steve, who always became a little more touchy when he'd had a lot to drink, put a hand on his shoulder.
"He looks like a teenage boy with his first crush, doesn't he, guys?"
Tom and Derek laughed in unison, examining Javi's clenched jaw and sweaty brow, which was evidence enough that the teasing was getting through to him.
"Not a crush, though," Derek then corrected. "That man is head over heels. Remember when we saw him daydreaming in the office with that stupid smile instead of working?"
Tom and Steve, who only now seemed to recall the moment, burst into laughter.
"Yeah, yeah… very funny," Javi growled.
"You've gotten soft, my friend. You've turned into a soft, loyal puppy. I don't know how much I like that version yet, but it was about damn time you found someone. Need to make sure you're capable of loving, don't we?"
An hour later, Javi quietly walked up the stairs of the apartment building you lived in. His keys, or rather your set of keys you had given him, since he basically stayed over every single night, were dangling at his side, his head a little languid even though he hadn't had more than one whiskey. Which had been the source of a lot of teasing.
Javi normally didn't mind a few drinks in the evening at all, especially on a Friday night. But as his friends had so astutely figured out, he didn't want to show up at your place drunk, stumbling through the door so that you would have to get him to bed like a helpless child. No, the prospect of coming home to you was motivation enough and a source of infinite happiness to keep his good mood up even while everyone around him was gradually getting more wasted. They were probably still at the bar right then, making jokes about the changes in Javi's lifestyle, how he seemed more content and at ease these days.
Some of the things Steve, Tom and Derek had said about him had actually been rather kind, things that Javi felt proud of, but at the same time, he hadn't been too sad about leaving his friends early. Well, most of his anticipation about exiting the bar had probably been tied to you, to be honest.
He slowly put the key in the lock, turning it as quietly as he could. Javi assumed you were still awake, but he couldn't be too careful, especially since you had complained about a headache earlier when he had come home after work. It had worried him enough to offer to stay in with you rather than go out with his friends, but you had insisted that he go, claiming that you would be fine with a relaxed evening on the couch and a large jug of fresh water.
"Javi… hey."
You were sitting at the kitchen table, hair loosely tied in a knot and a sudoku in front of you.
"Hi, sweetheart." He crossed the distance between the two of you in two large strides, then pressed his lips against the side of your head. "How are you? How's your head?"
"It's fine, baby. I drank so much water, I think I went to the toilet four times in the last hour, but it worked."
Releasing a soft breath, Javi pulled up a chair to sit down next to you. "Great… I was worried."
"You were?" you asked softly, lips pursed in sympathy. "No… I told you to enjoy yourself, didn't I?"
Your hand connected with his cheek, gently tracing along his shaven skin that was never fully even.
"I know. And I still had a very good time."
"Yes?"
Javi nodded. "Yeah. Even though they can't stop with the teasing."
"What teasing?" you asked, eyes wide, but he just snickered softly.
"Just the usual… You know, the stuff about me being distracted at work sometimes… Talking to you on the phone. They said I had a glow on my face on Wednesday during lunch break."
"Oh," you said, your hand dropping to rest on his thigh instead of his face.
"Yeah. I figured I should take it as a compliment. I think you should take it as a compliment," he then added, prompting you to chuckle lightly, your voice warm and soft against his skin.
"Maybe I should… They really can't stop, can they? I thought they would grow tired of teasing you about this after a week or two."
"Oh, they're persistent, baby," Javi muttered and briefly kissed you on the mouth, running a hand up and down your arm. "Today, they also said that you made me all soft. That you softened me."
"I softened you?" you repeated with raised eyebrows, a dark gleam shimmering in your eyes.
"I hope you disagree with that, Javi…" you hummed seductively, glancing at his crotch.
"Jesus, darling…" Javi muttered, only now realizing the double meaning behind his friends' comments.
"What? I would be very disappointed in myself if you agreed with that…" Your hand followed your eyes, drifting up his leg until your index finger trailed along the stitching of his jeans.
"You don't, do you?"
"No. I — don't," Javi murmured, voice threaded with a faint tremble that you might have imagined. Yes, there it was. Javi looked down his body where his cock was stirring beneath the confines of his underwear. He could both feel it and see it, which meant it hadn't gone unnoticed by you either.
"Good… I would rather like to make you harder, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," Javi purred, leaning in once more to capture your mouth in a gentle, still explorative way, even though he knew the lines and curves of your lips better than he knew his own by now.
Meanwhile, the two of you had shifted to sit on the edge of your seats, minimizing the distance between your longing bodies as best as you could. But it just wasn't enough. Javi felt his cock uncomfortably rub against the tightly woven fabric of his jeans, your index finger ghosting over his crotch doing nothing to calm his breathing.
"Sweetheart…" he murmured, letting out a sharp hiss that tingled at the corner of your mouth.
And then, it wasn't enough anymore either. Javi felt frustrated sitting so far away from you, your back too far away to reach around and unclasp your bra. So he stood up abruptly, nostrils flaring as he took in the sight of you. You had that feverish glow about you, and maybe it was exactly what his friends had talked about earlier. If that was the case, it seemed to be infectious.
"Where are you going?" you breathed, sweetly sucking your bottom lip between your teeth. With a deep huff, he took a step forward, slung an arm around your back and hauled you up, pressing you close against his front as he headed for your bedroom.
"Oh, I'm taking you right with me, cariño…"
Everything about your apartment was so familiar, which was why Javi moved with such confidence, each stride willful and determined.
"You look so gorgeous, Javi."
Throaty laughter left him as he placed you in the center of the bed like he owned the room and everything inside it.
"Oh yeah? I'm flattered then…"
"I really need you inside me, Javi. Please. I… I thought about it all day."
Running a hand through his messy hair, Javi climbed onto the bed as well, the mattress sighing under his weight.
"Don't worry, hermosa, I'm gonna fill you up well… You want it right here?" Without any warning, Javi cupped your pussy, not moving or rubbing against you but just holding his hand right there while you squirmed and sighed heavily.
"Yes. Yes, there, Javi… But I would also like to suck it."
With the sole purpose of teasing you, he pretended to think about your request for a moment, lips pouty and brow furrowed. You, of course, knew that he would never deny such a proposal, which was why you quickly gripped his length through his jeans, although you weren't able to paw at him like you would have been had he worn sweatpants like you did right now.
"You're getting a little greedy now, aren't you?"
Despite his teasing, Javi didn't stop you when you moved to the edge of the bed, challengingly darting your eyes at the empty spot in the middle. How could he have possibly found the strength to do that? You were a perfect dream, the most beautiful and intoxicating person he had ever laid eyes on, and there you were asking him to let you suck his cock. It was ridiculous and unreal.
Still, Javi moved into position fast, his head swimming and his tip already leaking with precum, just a reaction to what you were about to do to him. He remembered all the times you had taken him in your mouth in vivid detail, but the most outstanding experience to date had been the very first time.
There was no use pretending to be new to any of this, in fact, Javi wasn't hesitant to admit that he had spent a good amount of his early adulthood sleeping around and exploring all sorts of things.
This had advantages and disadvantages. For instance, he knew precisely what he liked, what he didn't like, what he despised and what his guilty pleasure was. But on the other hand, when Javi was with you, he wished he could experience everything again with you for the first time. Not that it wasn't great all the same. Actually, sex and everything around it felt even more enthralling, intense and arousing since he did it with someone he was so bewitched by. Still, there was something so intimate and special about sleeping with you that made him want to relive all his first times with you. Which was applicable to the rest of his life as well.
He was lowering himself onto the bed now, spreading his legs a little so that there was enough room for you to crawl between.
"Baby, you're too good to me, you know that?" Javi whispered, his hooded eyes taking in the way you found a comfortable position between his legs, your hands settling on the waistband of his jeans.
"I like making you feel good, Javi," you answered with a playful smirk pulling at your lips.
"Yeah?"
"Yes… I like the things that you say." He drove his teeth into his bottom lip, breath hitching while he lifted his hips to help you yank down his pants.
"You like the things that I say?"
"Mhm." You nodded, eyes brightening with joy at the tent in his boxers.
"So you like it when I praise you?"
"Maybe," you grinned wickedly, one of your hands wandering up his thigh all the way from his knee. You clearly wanted to tease him just a little longer, stretch out the moment until he was going to lose a bit of his composure himself.
"Sweetheart, you're killing me here… Saying stuff like that… Touching me like that."
"Like that?" you muttered, your hand ghosting less than an inch above his clothed cock.
"Yeah, fuck — like that. I really need you to touch me, cariño. Are you gonna do that? Or are you gonna try to make me lose my fucking mind?"
His tone was more hollow now, lacking the intense depth of his usual voice. Maybe that was exactly what you had been talking about when you said you liked the things he said, how you could probably tell from the way he spoke how far you had driven him with your teasing.
"I like making you lose your mind just a little bit…" you admitted, but finally brought your hand to his hard cock, caressing it like it was much more sensitive than it actually was.
"Fuck, baby…" He drew a sharp breath through his tightly clenched teeth, one hand buried in your hair while the other pressed flat on the bed. "Is that what you wanna do tonight? Tease the shit out of me?"
You pretended to think about it, which provoked Javi to chuckle softly. "Oh yeah? You're seriously considering that? What do you want to punish me for then, mhm? Did I do something?"
Your expression shifted at that, eyes growing wider as you gripped his cock more firmly.
"No… You didn't. It's just really hot, you know? How you… look at me. Makes me feel like you want me so much."
"Oh, and I want you so much. You know that, don't you?" Javi leaned his head back against the wall, lips curling upward while he gently ran his fingers through your hair.
"Yes."
Returning the smile, you started to pull down his underwear and yanked them to his ankles with his help. His cock was hard against his abdomen, the veins standing out prominently and you involuntarily curled and uncurled your toes.
"It's so pretty, Javi," you murmured, lowering your head to the same level as his cock and darting out your tongue to lick a slow strip across his glans.
"Baby," your boyfriend huffed, his muscles coiling even though his gaze seemed to soften further. "Fuck… Your tongue's — so good."
His hand at the back of your head didn't push or hurry you but rather caressed your scalp in a way that made it all too tempting to glance up at him every now and then and devour the look he gave you. That sheer expression of his lust, his appreciation and even admiration. But since your main focus remained his cock, you kept your eyes on it for the most part, letting more and more of him slip past your lips in a manner that made Javi's eyes roll back.
"Jesus fucking Christ… Darling, you — you're so good to me. How the fuck did I deserve that, mhm?"
You brought your hand to his cock, pumping the part of his length that you couldn't reach so easily with your lips while twirling your tongue around his tip.
"You're just really good to me too, Javi. And you taste good."
"And you just want me to lose my mind… That's it, right? Fuck…" His free hand combed through his own messy hair, sweaty and tousled both from his time in the bar and the attentive work of your generous mouth.
Slowly, gradually, so that you wouldn't gag around him, you went deeper with closed eyes, your tongue flat so that his cock could slide past it. He really did taste good, a little salty, mixed with something warm and strong. And then there was his scent… Javi always smelled clean and fresh, but beneath the layers of his aftershave there was also something you couldn't quite find words for, something that you could only link to him. He just smelled like… Javier Peña. Through and through. Which was part of the reason why you loved going down on him so much. Why you loved it when your face was pressed against him and his lips whispered your name like it was a sin that shouldn't make its way out of his apartment.
"You feel so good, baby. So good, you — fuck, cariño… Can you look at me? Please."
You raised your head a little, just enough so that you wouldn't choke the second you lost your focus on your breathing, following his request instead. It definitely wasn't the most comfortable position, but you managed to lock your gaze with his, blinking a few times, determined not to let go of his dick just because he had asked to see your eyes.
"You're doing so well, sweetheart… I don't deserve you, shit… Holy shit — I don't know how you do it."
After toying with his cock for a few more minutes, focusing on his shaft and tip rather than forcing all of him down your throat, Javi tenderly pulled you off with a low groan. Spit and precum were coating his member, which was also the reason why slick, wet noises had been bouncing off the walls of his bedroom for the past few minutes. You liked it messy and therefore didn't mind the mixture of your drool and his wetness trickling down your chin or dropping onto your neck. If anything, it just made you feel like you were putting all your effort into the blow job, which was your goal at the end of the day.
"I need to make you feel good too, darling… Can I? Please, princess."
"Yes, Javi," you quickly murmured, allowing him to lift your face and kiss your lips.
"I need you, sweetheart." His motions were a lot more urgent, rushed even, as he cradled your head for a little longer, then helped you lie back. This time, neither of you even bothered to turn around on the bed so that your head could rest on the pillow, Javi just guided you down, his face hovering above yours.
"Fuck, baby, you don't know how much I want you. How much I was looking forward to coming home to you."
He knew that he sounded like he didn't give a fuck about his friends, like the cliché of a person who falls head over heels for a woman and abandons all his friends for months because he is so deeply in love, but in that moment, he didn't care. Because it was true. He had thought about you with almost no break ever since he had left the house and had to say goodbye to you.
"Can I have your fingers, Javi?" you breathed, rolling your hips up into his to grind against his hard length.
"Anything you want, hermosa… Where do you want them, mhm? Inside you? On your pretty clit?"
"Inside, please," you replied at once, making Javi believe that you had been thinking about his hands the entire time you were sucking his cock.
"Alright, baby. You're gonna get everything you want, I promise. You just gotta tell me, and you'll get it. Always."
"Always?" you giggled, hips rising while your boyfriend kissed his way down your body, pulling your shirt up for his mouth to leave a wet trace across your skin.
"Of course. Wherever you are… When I visit you at work… In a restaurant… a bar." Javi's hands were splayed across your ribcage, his lips purposefully tickling your stomach and making you jolt.
"I don't know if that's a good idea…" you whispered, your pussy clenching with excitement as Javi pulled down your sweatpants along with your underwear, wasting no more time with teasing you.
"What is?"
"You saying that…"
His large hand stroked up your thighs, gently parting them to take in the state of your cunt. "And why?"
"Because I want you often."
Javi lowered his head, though his eyes remained fixed on you. "How often?"
"Mhm… depends."
"Depends on what?"
Before you could respond, you had to get your breathing under control, which was why you drew in a deep breath, watching his tongue peek out and carefully circle your protruding bundle of nerves.
"Many things… Like what you're wearing… The things you're saying…"
Although Javi was thoroughly occupied with drawing patterns all over your pussy as though he intended to craft a painting with the quick swipes of his tongue, your words piqued his interest and his eyes found yours once again.
"What things I'm saying, baby?"
Your mouth twisted, eyes sparkling brightly. "Like… Like when you tell me about your work."
"My work?" Javi couldn't help but chuckle, effortlessly parting your pussy lips with the thumb of his right hand.
"Mhmm, yes… Sometimes. It just… sounds so hot."
He was still laughing as he slowly pushed his thumb inside your fluttering, soaked hole that was sucking him in so well Javi assumed it wasn't nearly enough to satisfy your needs yet. You needed more of him, all of him preferably.
"Well, then I guess I should tell you about my work more often, cariño," he murmured, his voice a deep vibration against your skin. "Because I like seeing you like that. S'really fucking sweet."
Driven by pure instinct, your head tilted away from him, your hair covering the side of your face where heat was rising in your cheeks. Javi couldn't be sure, though.
"Am I making you blush, cariño?" he wanted to know, pressing an open-mouthed kiss right on top of your blazing clit.
"No," you quickly lied and thrust your hips forward, beckoning Javi to push his finger further inside you.
"Good. 'Cause if you were, I'd tell you there's no reason to feel that way. Now do you want more, babygirl?"
You couldn't believe he was even asking you that, your hand flying out to grab his broad shoulder.
"Yeah. Yes, please. Please, Javi. I need more."
He was so smug and so stirred by your pleas at the same time, tempted to draw the moment out a little longer, but in the end his desire to watch your pleasure unfurl in its purest form won out, and Javi put more strength behind his motions. He worked his thumb inside you to the knuckle, let a generous amount of spit run down your pussy and sucked the little nub between his lips, hollowing his cheeks to build pressure. All of it happened so quickly that your nails scraped his shoulders, even the thin layer of his open shirt unable to keep him from feeling a sharp pain soar through him. Still, it wasn't the kind of sting that would prompt him to tell you to keep your hands to yourself… No, Javi felt proud of making you lose control like that.
"Javi…" you howled, eyes pinched shut and thighs convulsing even though he had only just started.
"I know, baby. She tastes good. And I know she's been waiting for me, hasn't she? S'why she welcomes me like that. And s'why she's so wet and warm for me. Just for me, isn't that right?"
You adored listening to Javi giving your pussy pronouns, talking about it like it was a separate part of your body with a mind and needs of its own. You didn't know what it was about it, but you were well aware of the effect it had on you.
"Yes, Javi. Just for you. Only for you, fuck —" Your shoulders rolled, shoulder blades lifting off the mattress, hands travelling up to his dark hair, which you lightly tugged on. Once Javi decided it was about time to give you more of his fingers, he pulled his thumb out and instead fed you his middle and ring finger, both so long they reached far deeper inside you than his thumb had.
You nearly choked on your own spit, tension rippling through your spine like tiny shock waves, though you associated them with something good and pleasurable.
"Yeah, you're really fucking warm and tight for me right there, mhm? All that for me?"
"Yes, Javi. All that for you, please, fuck —"
You didn't even know what you wanted. Hell, how were you supposed to figure it out with his fingers seizing all your attention like a black hole every time you tried to coherently sort your thoughts?
But your boyfriend seemed to understand you regardless, or at least it felt like he was really hitting an aching spot when he slid his tongue over the underside of your clit. Yes, he was hitting all the right spots with that. His fingers were tapping against the spongy patch within your walls, which you rarely even found on your own, whereas Javi never let a single session go by without that little area getting its treat. "Like it deserves it," your boyfriend used to say.
Meanwhile, his tongue was taking care of your clit, which seemed to be in flames, your nerve endings on high alert. You wished he would quench your desires, finish what he had started and put out the fire scorching across your pearl, but at the same time you wished he were inside you with his cock rather than his fingers. Sure, you loved to squeeze around them, to feel them move and stretch your walls, but there was always something entirely different about Javi putting his cock inside you. The intimacy, the closeness of it all was probably what was most alluring to you.
"Javi…" you whined, voice higher than when you normally talked to him. You squirmed on the bed with your thighs pressing against either side of his head, your hips bucking in search of something you couldn't quite describe.
"I know, baby. I'm gonna make you feel so good. So good that this pussy's gonna soak my face. She's so wet, sweetheart, so fucking perfect for me… You feel that?"
Javi slowly drew his fingers back, proving to you that your cunt couldn't be called wet but downright drenched. Slurping noises rose from your center, so unambiguous and filthy that you might have felt embarrassed about it. But not with Javi. Not with a man who always worshipped your body's reaction to him and showed his adoration in the same way that he savored every last one of your moans and whimpers.
"I want you to — fuck me, Javi," you stammered, his lips closing around your clit and dragging his heavy tongue along the outline. It was staggering, so perfect that it took a lot of willpower to make peace with the fact that he was about to comply with your request and pull away, but you longed for his thick cock inside you too much to wait for your first orgasm of the night.
Javi loved to make you cum at least once before he buried himself inside you, but tonight your need to feel him was especially strong. You wanted to feel every inch of him on top of you, be able to tangle your fingers with his and drape your legs around his hips. And that was only possible with him lying on top of you, fucking you into the bed.
"You want me to fuck you, sweetheart? Now?"
"Yes," you whimpered and spread your legs wider. Javi didn't need any more than that. He hadn't been lying when he said he would give you anything you wanted, which also included stopping his tongue play on your cunt earlier than he had anticipated.
Panting heavily, Javi left his space between your legs, though he rubbed your clit one last time with the pad of his thumb. Then he crawled toward your bedside table and opened the top drawer with a confidence that suggested he knew his way around your apartment effortlessly. There they were. Condoms that fitted him perfectly.
"Really, Javi…?" you muttered through pursed lips, feet planted flat on the bed, your hand busy tucking your hair behind your ears.
"Yes, cariño. C'mon, don't give me those eyes."
He should have known that he had made a mistake the first time he had fucked you raw. Okay, it had happened more than once, but definitely no more than three or four times. Obviously, Javi had regretted it within minutes, but you had shown a particular fondness for feeling him without a condom every single time.
And to avoid the fear of getting pregnant, you had taken the morning-after pill, which had relieved Javi even though he wasn't keen on watching you go down that path just because it was convenient and allowed you that special connection during sex. Condoms were safer, and Javi knew that, goddamnit. At times, it was just very difficult to deny you anything at all. Tonight, he would remain unwavering, though.
"Just this once. Please," you begged, putting even more hunger and yearning into your eyes, though Javi quickly averted his gaze so that he wouldn't feel too tempted by your dangerous request.
"Baby, you gotta stop… I'm gonna make it good, I promise. You trust me, right?"
"Yes," you whined, glancing down at his cock, which was throbbing in his firm grip.
"Okay… Then just relax. And enjoy it."
Javi was quick to tear the small package open, fumbling with the plastic and dropping it onto the nightstand. Then his eyes connected with yours again, skimming past the yearning in your gaze with a faint stumble of his heart.
"I'm gonna make it good, cariño… Gonna do all the work… Just need my princess to enjoy it and keep her eyes on me."
You couldn't help but chuckle softly, which relieved Javi, who had feared that refusing to fuck you raw would set off your pouting.
"I can do the work too," you insisted, reaching for his hard, throbbing cock, but Javi shook his head with a glossy twinkle in his eyes.
"I know you can… But tonight I just want you to lie back and relax. Okay?" Javi lovingly placed his palm on your cheek, thumb stretching out to brush against your cheekbone.
"Okay…"
He didn't need to hear more than that. Running his hand up and down your thigh, Javi single-handedly rolled the condom over his cock and stroked himself a couple of times. Of course, he would have liked to forgo the condom as well, but he already knew that he would feel guilty afterwards when the two of you had to rush to the pharmacy in the morning for the morning-after pill.
His left hand guided his tip through your slit, smearing your wetness all over your folds to make a mess he would be happy to clean up later.
"Javi," you whimpered as his cock nudged your sensitive bud, your legs spreading a little wider as though reminding him where your hole was.
"You want me to put it in?" he murmured, leaning down with his entire weight, knowing well how much you adored feeling as much of him as you physically could.
"Yes. Yes, Javi, please."
Your chests were flush against each other, not just sweat connecting your bodies but your heat as well. Everything was in sync, your heavy breathing, your heartbeat, probably even your temperatures.
"Put it in," you demanded once more, then drew a slow breath when you felt his heavy tip nudge against your hole. As always, Javi pressed his thumb into your clit while he worked his cock inside your cunt, giving you something to cling to and focus on while your walls stretched to accommodate him. Besides, he swore he always felt you loosen up a little more whenever his finger provided extra stimulation.
"Oh my god," you hummed, sliding your hands over the toned muscles of his arms and shoulders before planting them on his back. You pushed gently against him, communicating that you wanted to minimize the distance between the two of you without using your words. And just like you had hoped, Javi understood despite your inability to speak.
"Baby, you feel like a fucking dream. Look at me, cariño, please."
It wasn't easy to keep your eyes focused on one spot as your pupils tended to uncontrollably flick to the sides whenever he was stretching your walls like that. Still, you tried your very best for him.
"Javi, oh my god, oh my god," you whimpered quietly, feeling his chest cage you beneath him in the most exciting way possible.
"That's it, sweetheart. That's it… You like it? You like it when I go in slowly like that?"
He wasn't even halfway inside you even though you were more than ready to take him in one go.
"Yes," you breathed, your legs wrapping around his hips tightly.
You were holding onto him like a monkey, like you weren't planning to let him go any time soon. Pulse thundering behind your temples, you hid your face in the crook of his neck while Javi disappeared inside you painfully slowly, taking his time with every single inch. Of course, his touch on your bundle of nerves hadn't stopped and he still rubbed fast circles over your skin, which caused your lids to flutter and your pussy to drench his girthy cock.
You didn't know how Javi managed to squeeze his hand between your bodies, which were pressed so closely together that you had been certain not even a sheet of paper would fit between you. Still, he somehow found a way.
"Just a little bit more…" Javi hummed against your earlobe, pinching your clit between thumb and index finger. "Fuck… You're squeezing me so tightly. Just need you to look at me. Need to see how — good you're feeling."
That was something you could comply with. You didn't struggle for a second to convey your love for his actions and didn't shy away from moaning his name softly, working it between your teeth like a reverent prayer or a holy exclamation.
"Javi… Javi, please —" You took a deep breath, which didn't help. You felt too hot and short of breath, your body deliciously confined in the best way you could imagine. Buried beneath the man you needed so badly, held in place by his strong arms.
At last, he was fully sheathed inside you, his cock hitting all the right spots from within. Now that he was entirely buried in your warmth, he couldn't hold back any longer and quickly started to move in a steady rhythm. You weren't new to his technique, his long, intense, still quite slow thrusts that seemed to press you a little deeper into the bed with each one.
"Oh my god," was all you could breathe, your eyes on him as requested, though a thick veil hung over your sight.
"I know, baby. Feels good, doesn't it? I can feel you clench so hard around me. S'a lot for your pretty pussy, isn't it?"
You nodded softly, hazy eyes gazing back up at him.
"Too much?" Javi searched your face suspiciously at the faint shake of your head. "Talk to me, sweetheart. Need to hear you say it."
"No. S'not too much. It's good like that."
His hand gently slapping your clit wasn't really a reward, yet it felt like one.
"Deeper, Javi… please. Please, I need — more."
This time, it was Javi nuzzling your neck with his lips, kissing along your pulse point and hungrily inhaling your scent.
"Deeper? I can't go any deeper, hermosa. I'm already all the way inside you… She won't let me, you know?" To give you something different all the same, Javi swirled his finger around your clit with more force, smiling contentedly as you softly cried out his name.
"Javi… Javi, oh my god. I'm gonna cum."
It was no surprise that you were so close, considering he had already spent some time between your legs warming you up. It wouldn't take him much longer either, even though part of him just didn't want to let go yet, wanting to feel you a little longer.
"Jesus… You're so fucking warm, babygirl. So wet 'n' warm. Just made for me alone, mhm? I want you to cum for me and I want you to let it all go. Don't hold back."
He tucked your hair behind your ears, which didn't align with the powerful, sharp thrusts he delivered at all. They weren't painful or brutal, of course, but rather made you believe that Javi wanted to make sure you felt him. Preferably for days after. Each one was pointed and precise, driving into you with so much force you shuddered when he slammed back. Occasionally, Javi even broke the rhythm just to make his thrusts a little more surprising, drawing out a few more of those squeals from you. With success, obviously.
"You're so —" you mumbled, teeth dragging over your tongue to release the tension building in your body.
"I'm what?" Javi grinned, knowing that whatever words had formed in your head would amuse him.
"Good. Fuck… so good."
"That's my girl… You know what it does to my cock, don't you? Hearing you talk like that." Javi glanced down meaningfully, though you couldn't see a thing with your heavy, swimming head comfortably resting on a pillow.
"No. What?" you innocently asked, toying with the hair at his temples as your hooded eyes took in each of his lustful glances down your body, your jiggling tits, the thin layer of sweat covering your cleavage.
"Makes it really fucking hard… And proud." Javi purposefully drew his hips back before snapping them forward harshly, fully filling your spent pussy.
"Oh my god," you panted, unable even to tease him further about the effect of your words on his cock.
"Makes me wanna give it to you all night… Just playing with that sweet pussy for hours while she cums for me over and over again… So often that she forgets which one was coaxed out of her by my fingers, which one by my tongue and which by my cock… Makes me wanna give it to her really good, hermosa."
Javi lazily dragged his thumb around your bundle of nerves, throat vibrating with laughter at the way you jolted and jerked underneath him.
"C'mere, cariño…" Javi placed wet kisses along your jawline, all the way around your face until he landed one on your lips. "I want you to cum for me. Want you to give it all to me, baby, fuck… Need to — watch it. How you lose it."
His face was flushed and gleaming with sweat, drops falling from his brow onto your cheeks, but neither of you could have cared less. You were both on the verge of exploding, so much pressure and tension built up in your bodies that Javi felt like the condom wouldn't catch his entire load.
Meanwhile, your hands were still pulling at his hair, using a little more force every time he hit a particularly good spot or touched your clit right at its most sensitive point.
"Cum for me, baby. C'mon, sweetheart," he whispered at the exact moment his cock was buried all the way inside you, the rough skin of his thumb pressing directly onto your nub.
It was all you needed. His exhausted voice, his torso trapping you beneath him. Your head spun like a carousel, and the next thing you knew you were orgasming around Javi's cock, clenching around him ten times harder than before. He followed at once and spilled into the condom, his entire body quivering and shuddering.
His head dropped while you greedily let air fill your lungs, the muscles in your stomach convulsing.
"Oh my god," you murmured like a religious mantra, a single tear escaping from your lower lashes, which Javi quickly wiped from your face. "Javi… I — shit."
"I know, cariño… I got you. I got you, always. Just look at you cumming like that… S'fucking perfect. You're perfect."
There was a lot of vulnerability resonating in his voice, but since you were hovering in a similar dreamy state, you met his tenderness precisely, bringing your hands up to the back of his neck.
"Don't leave," you whispered, caressing his shoulder blades and closing your eyes.
"Where would I go, baby, mhm?"
"You could go home. But I want you to stay."
"I want to stay too…" he muttered through clenched teeth, flexing his jaw as he glided a hand from your hip up to your ribcage.
Javi stayed.
And he didn't just stay, he also fucked you again and again, like he had wished for earlier. First with his tongue, since his cock needed a little time to recover. Javi knelt between your legs and kissed his way down your body, which drew a fresh layer of sweat across your thighs and raised goosebumps along your forearms.
He made out with your clit slowly and passionately, like an ardent kiss shared between two lovers. After your third high of the night, you were crying softly, causing Javi to crawl up to you and scoop you into his arms. Your chin resting on his shoulder, he brought his lips to your ear, nibbling at your skin and speaking quietly.
"Can I give you more, baby? I just can't fucking stop. You taste so good and I need to see it again. Need to hear you say my name when you cum. You say it like you're mine. Like you're trying to tell me that you belong to me and that I'm the only one who gets to touch that pretty pussy."
You wanted to tell him that it was the truth, and that you only ever wanted him to be so close to you, but the words caught in your throat. All you could do was nod and whine his name once more while Javi crawled back down your body.
"Never gonna be done with her, hermosa… Never gonna be done telling her how perfect she is," Javi murmured the instant before he dove back in.
After making you cum again, this time keeping his tongue inside you throughout your high, he fucked you one more time with his cock. He had had great plans to coax a fifth one out of you, but about halfway through you had pressed a hand over your mouth, whimpering that you were too sensitive, which he had respected without a second thought. So it was just him spurting into the condom while hissing curses through his gritted teeth, mostly followed by high praise for you, how well you always took him, how addicted he was to your cunt, how perfect you felt. Better than anything else he had ever experienced.
"Jesus Christ… You're gonna be the fucking death of me, hermosa, shit… Fuck, yeah, like that… Don't move, baby, yes… Just stay like that, goddamnit…"
Then it was over.
Javi pulled out of you carefully, aware that after four releases, you would shriek at the slightest contact against your raw skin. A much darker, more twisted part of him found delight and rotten pleasure in the idea of his cock turning you into such a mess. You had willingly let him bruise your insides, had allowed him to push his fingers or tongue back inside you again and again just because you were so intoxicated by the feeling of him.
"You make it really hard to stop, baby," Javi chuckled, lying down next to you and offering you his hand, which you eagerly took.
"How late is it?" you whispered.
"I don't wanna know…"
"Why?" you asked, turning your head to glance at his profile. "We can sleep in tomorrow, right?"
"Yeah… we can. But still. I think it's really late."
Chest rising and falling steadily, you kissed the knuckles of his hand. "I'm feeling very sleepy, Javi…"
"That's okay, cariño… I put you through a lot today. Are you feeling good? Everything okay?"
You nodded with a faint smile lingering on your lips. "Yeah. Very good."
"Your pussy too?"
Your grin broadened as you felt Javi's fingertips ghost over your thigh, drifting toward your center.
"Yeah… But I really can't go another round."
"I know," he admitted, jutting his jaw forward. "You're just… really addictive. All of you. Makes it hard not to touch you all the time…"
"Well, we've got all the time in the world tomorrow…" you murmured, knowing well how much your boyfriend adored lazy morning sex when neither of you were really awake but highly sensitive to each other's touch.
He had barely even stopped touching you, yet Javi was already excited by the idea of waking you up with his mouth. Perhaps you would still be wet from the night before. Or maybe his proximity, his cock pressed against your backside, would make you dream filthy things that would turn you on in your sleep, resulting in drenched panties when you woke up.
Before Javi's thoughts could wander too far, he quickly kissed the top of your head.
"I can't wait for it. I'm gonna be all yours."
You smiled, then tilted your face so that his next kiss landed on your lips.
"I love you, baby."
Those four words had been as quiet as all the others, yet they carried a different feeling. A different weight, a different emotion ringing in his tone. There was longing and desire mixed with curiosity and fear. Fear that you wouldn't say it back. Now more than ever, Javi became aware that he had never said it quite like this before. He had spoken about being in love with you, told you how wonderful and perfect you were, but saying it to your face like that? It was a first. And hell, it was a little scary.
"I love you too, Javi. I love you so much."
Tears welled in your eyes, your bottom lip quivering as you pushed your face against his neck. A wave of relief coursed through him, flooding from the top of his head down to his little toe. It was ridiculous to feel so afraid of you not reciprocating his love after everything you two had just done, but Javi couldn't help it.
He wasn't half as confident with you as he usually was. Not in a bad way, though. It wasn't like you drained his self-assurance, but he just felt so much shyer and more afraid of doing something wrong whenever he was around you.
Maybe that was what his friends had talked about in the bar. They weren't blind to the way you had fundamentally changed something within him. Something that Javi couldn't quite grasp, but he knew that he liked it. He liked this version of himself, the one who was capable of allowing himself to feel things he had been reluctant to admit before. He liked what you did to him, how he acted in your presence.
"Just stay, baby. I just want you to stay," you whispered, his and your limbs a tangled sprawl across the bed.
"I will stay, cariño. For as long as you want me to. God… I love you."
Contains: canon-typical violence, graphic violence, blood and injury, character death (Tess), infection/cordyceps, guns and shooting, swearing, age gap, morally grey characters, angst, hurt, panic, fighting
Wordcount: 10,341
Masterlist of this story
Masterlist
Joel shook his head. Briefly.
"No."
Tess's lips tightened, neck flexing as she eyed Joel's face like she was checking something.
"I said no, Tess."
"Joel."
God… he hated how she said his name as though he were nothing but a stupid, rabid fighting dog with not an ounce of intelligence in his head. As though she could whistle and put him back on his leash any time she wished.
"You seriously wanna get involved in some firefly shit? You, out of all people, are you fuckin' kiddin' me?"
His gaze landed on Marlene for another beat, how she ran a hand over her brow, making her look like she was physically suffering from Joel and Tess taking so long.
"It's our only shot." She emphasized every single word, eyes dark and face unreadable.
Then, before Joel could protest, Tess freed herself from his bruising grip around her bicep and stepped toward Marlene, the other woman, whose name Joel had forgotten, and… Amy. At least, that was the noise Joel had been able to identify when Marlene had hissed something in her direction.
"We're gonna do it."
"Tess," Joel uttered, making it sound like an insult, but she just ignored him. Again, Joel felt like an animal that was too insignificant to speak to directly.
"Great." Marlene's shoulders dropped, her eyes slowly wandering to the young woman standing against the wall like she was trying to get swallowed by it.
"But we're not gonna let her go before we get our supplies. I swear to god, we don't have any problem shooting her when it comes down to it."
"I don't doubt that, Tess."
Marlene didn't even look at his partner while saying that and just approached the woman, who looked smaller than she was, pressed against the rancid wall.
"You okay?"
She nodded, though she looked a little pale. There were deep dark circles underneath her eyes, her lips bloody like someone had hit her. Joel wasn't so sure whether she was actually okay, but he couldn't have cared less.
"Okay. You got this, alright? Joel and Tess are gonna get you to the camp safely, and… they're gonna know what to do next. Just trust them. Not Joel and Tess, the people in the camp."
Marlene softly patted her shoulders, then turned toward the two others at last.
"Please. Don't fuck this up, okay?" she whispered weakly, reminding Joel of the gaping wound at her shoulder. "This is important. We're gonna provide you all the fucking equipment that you need. Whatever you want, we're gonna get it. Just keep her safe. Please."
Joel questioned what Marlene was trying to achieve by pleading with them since she must have known that out of all people, Tess and he were the last people to fall for her begging. Still, the part about getting them whatever they needed stood out to him. Whatever Tess had in mind for that girl, it must be important to her. Which consequentially gave them power.
"We will. If you do your part."
With that, Tess stepped aside, thrusting out her arm to signal the woman to come forward.
"C'mon."
She truly looked like a frightened lamb, throwing Marlene one last glimpse of doubt, but she was met with something resembling pity.
Yeah, Joel wasn't surprised. If Marlene had had the time for it, she probably would have showered the girl with advice about being careful around him and Tess while simultaneously apologizing for sending her off with them. It was no secret how much Marlene resented Joel and his methods, but for now, she depended on him.
If the life of her little pet was important to her.
Soon, the three of them were walking down the streets, dawn starting to settle upon the city. In the daylight, she seemed even paler, although her posture was a little more straightened, which made her look a whole inch taller.
"What's your name?" Tess said in her direction, grasping the straps of her backpack tightly.
"Amy."
"Amy… How old are you, Amy?"
"24."
It sounded like an interrogation, one that Joel didn't want to take any part in. He was just waiting to talk to Tess privately in order to berate her for making such stupid choices without his agreement, but so far, no such opportunity had presented itself.
"That's the one," Tess hummed, pointing to their apartment building, which looked especially rotten and dilapidated in the beautiful golden light that had spread through the streets. Without the dirty sidewalks and the occasional dead body, the scenery would have been almost pretty.
"That one?" Amy asked, and for the first time, Joel could spot a new emotion on her face. It was… disgust?
"Are you not satisfied with that one?" Tess growled and determinedly pushed the door open, silently inviting her in, but it seemed like Amy wasn't done yet regarding the front.
"S'not gonna get any prettier," Joel grunted, addressing her directly for the first time.
"How long are we gonna stay here?"
"As long as it takes."
He followed Tess inside, then held the door open a crack as if to tell her that she had about two seconds before he would close it.
"As long as it takes to do what?"
She received no answer. Joel was too annoyed with this whole goddamn day, and it seemed like even Tess had enough of all this shit.
Their heavy boots stomped on the stairs, causing dry dirt to dissolve from the underside of each step and drizzle down, perhaps into Amy's face, given that she was so far behind them. She climbed the staircase slowly, provoking Joel to wonder what she was looking for in here. A rat that they had woken up with their loud noises bouncing off the high ceiling? An open apartment door to dash through in order to not be forced to stay with Joel and Tess?
"Sit down," was the next thing Tess said once the three of them had entered the sparse room.
"I don't wanna sit," Amy muttered and folded her arms in front of her chest. Perhaps she was trying to look cool and unbothered, not at all intimidated by the two people significantly older than herself, but she only mildly succeeded.
"Okay. You can also stand all night if that's what you prefer," Tess commented.
"How long are we gonna stay here?" Amy asked, voice hollow and distant like part of her had given up on her defiant behavior. Well, if that was the case, she really was easy to break.
"As long as it takes to get dark. C'mon, Joel."
Tess stood up from the armchair seconds after she had plopped into it, gesturing for Joel to follow her. The woman guided him to the door, which made Amy furrow her brow in confusion.
"Where are you going?"
"To talk. In private."
"Why? Shouldn't I know about it too?"
Tess placed a hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her back. "No. This is just between Joel and me. Just… I don't know, sit on the couch. Try to sleep a little. Or you can take something from the kitchen if you're hungry."
Joel could feel his insides brewing once more, thinking that Tess was treating her much too nicely already. All they were supposed to do was get that woman to a firefly camp, nothing else. If Marlene was the amazing, saintly protector she claimed to be, she surely must have equipped Amy with something to eat.
Amy reluctantly strode back to the couch, circling their worn armchair like a predator, but Joel didn't find out what she did next as Tess pulled him out to the corridor.
"Before you start speaking – " the woman began, but this time, Joel, the vicious dog that he was, snapped first.
"What the fuck? What do you think you're doing here, Tess?"
"Joel."
This stupid word again. Sometimes, Joel believed that his friend thought he was able to tame his demeanor just by rolling his name past her lips like some magic spell.
"What?" he hissed, keeping his voice down in case Amy was eavesdropping.
"As I said, it's our best shot. We wanna find Tommy, don't we?"
"Don't bullshit me, Tess. Of course, I wanna find Tommy. But I'm not gonna drag some brat across the country and do all the shit work for Marlene."
"Have you listened to her earlier?" Tess's jaw worked, her eyes hungry all of a sudden. "I don't know what's up with her but she's important to Marlene. Just think of the possibilities… We're gonna bring her to that camp, put a gun to her head and tell them that before we let her go, we want everything. All the stuff in the world. A loaded truck, weapons, ammunition, food, compasses, maps, everything. The fireflies might be fucking idiots, but they're useful. They're gonna be useful to us."
Of course, Tess was right, Joel had to admit. They had a lot more options and connections than Tess and he had, and normally, if they wanted something, they always knew a guy who could get it. But that wasn't the part bothering him.
"But this – this girl, what are we gonna do with her? What's up with her? Why is she so important to Marlene that she'd ask us for help? I mean, come on, you know Marlene. Asking us for help must be her worst fucking nightmare."
"I know. I know, Joel… I have no fucking idea. But does it matter? I don't care about Marlene's motives."
Joel chewed on his tongue, casting Tess a skeptical glance.
"And… what if she's dangerous?"
"You think she's dangerous?" Tess laughed so loudly that Joel nearly hushed her.
"No I mean… Takin' 'er with us. What if… I don't know, there are dangerous people comin' after her?"
"Then we're gonna give 'er to them. It's easy, isn't it? We got nothing to lose, do we? If this mission fails, we're just gonna get back and find a new way to get a truck."
"You're makin' this sound really easy, Tess," Joel laughed humorlessly, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "We're talkin' about smugglin' 'er out of the QZ. We can't just turn around and head back if something feels off."
"Relax, Joel, okay?" Tess sighed, nodding slowly as though to convince herself that everything was going to be fine. If only Joel could believe it the way she did.
"We're gonna find a way if that happens. We always find a way, don't we?"
To say that he was unsatisfied with her response to his concerns would have been an understatement.
But just as it was typical for her, Tess patted her hand on his shoulder, her attention already on something else, as he could see it in her eyes.
"I'm gonna meet Derek, get some more food for the road. But I'll head straight back when it's dark enough."
"Jesus, Tess…"
He threw his head back, chin jutted forward.
"What?"
"Nothin'…"
Yeah, in that moment, he kind of did feel like her dog, her good pet that bit when she commanded, backed off when she told him to and kept his drooling mouth shut when she demanded silence.
When Joel opened the door again, he had no idea whatsoever what to expect. He wouldn't have been surprised to see Amy climb out of the window, raid their kitchen or sleep soundly on the couch.
But no, he was spared all of it and just took in her slouched frame on the armchair.
At the noise of the door falling shut, she turned around, her eyes finding him in the dark and assessing whether Tess was right behind him. When she realized that Joel was alone, she rose to her feet, straightening up in front of him as though she were bracing herself for a fight.
"What happened? Are we gonna go?"
"No," was all he felt strong enough to bark, and let himself fall back into the cushions of the couch, which were soiled with cigarette stains, dirt and things that he didn't even want to identify. Not knowing what his only pair of jeans touched was better than feeling disgusted by it. Even though nowadays, it took a whole lot more than some rat shit to upset his stomach.
"Why not?" Amy's eyes followed him like lightbulbs in the darkness. Joel could have turned on the light, but for one, he didn't want her to think that he was keen to have a conversation with her, and secondly, he felt like perhaps getting an hour of sleep before they would move out of the QZ.
"'Cause we're gonna wait until it's dark outside. And the rain gets heavier."
"Why?"
"You ask a hell lotta questions."
Joel laid down sideways, head on the armrest and arms folded in front of his chest.
"I wanna know what's gonna happen. I think that's not so unusual."
Although everything inside him refused to spare her another glance, let alone waste his time speaking to this random girl, Joel sighed, thinking that his chances of getting some sleep would be higher if he managed to answer her questions and therefore shut her running mouth up.
"Rain's gonna cover us. Darkness too."
"Where's Tess?"
"Oh you picked up her name already…" Joel chuckled lowly. "Don't get too attached. She bites."
His eyes were closed, which was why he couldn't see Amy's reaction to his words.
"I know your name too. Joel."
"Congratulations."
His thoughts began to drift off, sleep washing over him, which made him slowly start to forget all about Amy in the chair next to him. He hadn't felt very tired before, but now that his body was resting comfortably, sore limbs eased away, the exhaustion became almost intolerable and he might just –
"What's this?" Joel's left eye opened at her nagging tone. Amy was pointing at his radio like it was a spaceship or some hypermodern capsule to teleport someone somewhere else.
"None of your business."
"Why are you so rude?"
He almost laughed, if he hadn't felt that rage roiling within his abdomen. Rude, well that was an appropriate term for him, wasn't it?
"Why can't you shut your damn mouth for a moment?"
He paused, waiting for another clapback from her, but when she lay back in the armchair, she looked like she was sulking.
"What's the deal with ya, hm? What does Marlene want with you?"
Amy pulled her knees up to her chest, arms tightly draped around them as though to protect herself from an invisible force in the room with them. Or, and Joel deemed that as more likely, from him.
"None of your business."
"You're a smartass, aren't ya? You think you can make your way through this shit by coming up with bratty replies and playin' the tough one."
He might have added something, just to scare that girl a little more. She surely wasn't half as tenacious as she pretended to be, given that every now and then, a light glint flashed in her eyes. Not one that broadcasted ruthlessness or anger but rather… uncertainty. Fear, perhaps. But in that moment, the door flew open and Joel didn't even have to turn around to know that it was Tess.
"The air in here is shitty," she barked and dropped into a chair like she hadn't seen sleep in days. Joel's attention shifted toward her in an instant, the fact that she was back so soon troubling him.
"What happened?"
"Asshole was gone. The door was locked."
"What does the rain look like?"
Tess shrugged, her gaze trailing off toward Amy who was still curled into a ball.
"Not great, but we're gonna have to do it anyway."
"Why tonight?"
Before Joel could snort in annoyance at another one of her irritating questions, Tess took the reins and approached her. "Has Marlene told you anything at all?"
"Funny coming from you," Amy spat, teeth grinding like she was an animal about to rip apart its prey.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You have no idea what's going on here. We could trade. Information, you know? You tell me about your plan, that radio and – and what the fuck you're doing and I'm gonna tell you about what Marlene wants."
"Not happening," Joel grunted and slowly rose to his feet.
Tess's eyes lingered on his face a little longer than necessary, assessing whether to add something, and figuring that the deal was sensible before she tilted her head toward Amy's bag.
"Get your stuff. We're leaving."
Rain was slamming into Joel's face, obstructing his view in a way that made him unable to see anything apart from the dark outlines of the tall buildings to his left and right, but once he accepted the fact that he would be soaked to his bones by the time they reached the fence, there was something clean and purifying about the drops running down his cheeks.
Tess led the way as always, only that this time, Amy was walking between them, sometimes struggling to keep up with Tess's fast pace since she seemed quite busy observing the houses around her.
Weird, Joel thought. Has she never been to Boston before? Goddamnit, where had Marlene found this girl? Had she picked her up from some gutter and found out that she had super powers that would defeat FEDRA?
Getting out of the QZ was an easy task given that Joel and Tess had sneaked their way out of the area a million times before, smuggling stuff in and out. Mostly drugs, of course. Tonight, it was nearly embarrassingly easy, considering that the soldiers had their hands full with the attacks the fireflies had planned all across the city just to distract them enough for three people to quietly slip out of the QZ.
A whole resistance group using up their supplies to plant useless bombs in different corners of the town. Just for a single girl. Marlene must have lost her mind.
But at least, it made everything a lot easier for Joel and Tess, who felt almost ridiculous shushing Amy at every given moment when she bumped into the fence or asked a question into the silence. The night was so quiet, he might as well have shouted his friend's name, and he wouldn't have gotten a reaction except for the wind carrying his words back to him.
"Which direction?" Amy was just asking when suddenly, a loud voice cut through the air.
"You must be fucking joking."
All three of them wheeled around, Amy's eyes widening in shock while Joel could only exhale with restrained fury.
Commandant fucking McConney. The guy he had sold drugs to earlier in exchange for cigarettes.
"I told you to stay inside, didn't I?" he growled, thrusting his rifle forward. "Hands up, right now. This is gonna be bad, guys… This is gonna be really fucking bad. Outside the QZ after curfew. You know what the punishment for that is, don't you?"
Tess let out a strangled groan, though she reluctantly raised her hands, gesturing for Amy to do the same.
"C'mon, man… We got lots of stuff. Ammo, food…"
"Ammo? Food? I'm FEDRA, you fucking morons. The only thing you can give me is your lives. Hands up."
Joel obeyed as well, even though his blood was throbbing in his veins, keeping him on high alert. He would have to talk to this guy. He knew him, he was a corrupt, impressionable man who easily bent the rules for his own benefit. Otherwise, why would he have traded with Joel, sometimes even giving out sensitive information for a couple of pills?
When McConney pulled out an infection scanner, Joel rolled his eyes and let out an inaudible scoff.
"Seriously?"
"Yep. We're doing this by the book."
"What, did they give you a promotion? Did it remind you of your fuckin' morals?" Joel knew that he was playing with fire provoking the man while he was obviously the one in power, but his own frustration over getting caught by this dumbass of all people outweighed every sense of survival instinct.
"Shut your mouth or I'm gonna shoot you right now."
After he was done with Joel, Amy was next. She stood surprisingly still, considering that all three of them were in big trouble, but then suddenly, she stirred.
At first, Joel thought she was just shifting her weight to her other foot, but when she let out a guttural snarl and threw herself at him, Joel's body jolted.
"Fucking bitch!" McConney exclaimed after his howl of pain, hinting that Amy might have hit him on his ankle. With what? Had Marlene equipped her with weapons?
Everything happened fast, the soldier grabbing the young woman by the bicep and dragging her backward until she fell down on her backside.
"You stupid bitch. You know that you just got yourself and your friends killed?"
"Don't."
Joel took one step to the side, shielding Amy from McConney's view. The man narrowed his eyes.
"Arms. Up."
"You don't wanna do this."
The bright light of the flashlight attached to his rifle stung his eyes painfully.
Without realizing it, Joel's pupils dilated, his teeth meeting ever so subtly it probably escaped McConney's notice.
His vision blurred, and this time, the rain wasn't at fault.
Suddenly, the picture before him shattered into fragments, some of them showing scenes that had happened a long time ago. Twenty long years ago.
They had a similar eye color. Joel remembered that hazel brown too well not to notice it.
And both shared that specific look, those lifted eyebrows and that twinkle around their pupils that resembled pity.
Perhaps it was their way of redeeming themselves from the evil crime they were about to commit by showing that they were not utterly unbothered by it.
Joel's heart skipped a beat, a high squealing note in his ears. Then, everything around him turned red, and a beat later, Joel was wrestling the soldier to the ground, panting heavily while his fists crashed into the guy's face over and over.
Blood splashed to all sides, teeth broke, but at least his victim couldn't keep up his cursing and whimpering for long. Joel had no idea how long he had been beating and disfiguring the soldier's face, but based on the silence that spread the moment he stopped, he assumed it had been long overdue.
His breathing was still labored and uneven, his body trembling as he straightened up.
Joel turned slowly, eyes streaking over Tess who was chewing on her bottom lip, emitting a mixture of accusation and begrudging concession.
Then there was Amy. She was still sitting on the ground, hands flat at her sides and eyes round. She relentlessly moistened her dry, brittle lips with her tongue until she realized that there was no use trying. Was she scared? Of him or of what she had just witnessed?
"Let's go. We gotta move," Tess commanded and picked up the dead soldier's rifle, sparing him no more than one last compassionate glance. "Poor guy. He was a rule-follower."
Joel didn't possess the energy it would have taken to tell her what a loser he had been.
"You okay?" Tess said in Amy's direction, offering her her hand.
"Y-Yes." The stammering and faint tremble of her voice didn't escape Joel, and neither did it seem to escape Tess.
"I'm sorry, but if Marlene told you that this would be a pleasant trip, she told you a fairytale."
"I'm okay," she whispered, grabbing Tess's hand at last, which helped her get to her feet.
"What the fuck."
Joel froze mid-motion. He had been about to take the rifle from Tess's hand, but the sound of her voice, her eyes blown wide with horror, made him whirl around and instinctively reach for his holster. Then, he saw it. The cordyceps scanner. The red it showed pierced through his irises aggressively, causing his head to spin and his throat to dry up.
"No. No, no, no, I can explain," Amy stuttered, her voice louder than it had ever been before.
"Don't move, goddamnit!" Joel shouted and angled the rifle's tip toward her. She immediately jerked backward, protectively raising her hands as if to calm an upset animal.
"Don't shoot. I swear, I can explain, I – I'm not infected. Please, you have to – "
"Oh yeah? You're tryna tell me that the machine's lying?" Tess exclaimed and took her place next to Joel, glaring down at her like she were venom.
"No, I – Yes, I have the virus inside me, but it's not spreading. It's dead. I'm immune."
While Tess softly hissed out through her clenched teeth, Joel laughed drily, tightening his grasp around the weapon.
"We have to shoot her right now." He shifted his weight between his feet, his eyes scurrying over her frame, scared to lose her in the darkness.
"No!" Amy choked out, taking a step back as if putting distance between herself and him would save her in case he pulled the trigger.
"Look. Look at my arm. I got bit two weeks ago. And nothing happened, please – just – "
Tess groaned as if she were in physical pain, rubbing her palm over her brow.
"We gotta move. Right now. C'mon."
"What, you wanna – "
"Now!"
Loud noises gushed from the fence. It seemed like they weren't the only ones who knew about McConney's death by now, chattering and agitated clamoring soaring through the air. Joel was driven by his hot temper, but he was not stupid enough to continue this discussion here.
"Let's go," he grumbled, not looking back for once as the three of them headed in the opposite direction of the QZ.
"Don't fucking move."
Tess lightly tilted her head to the side as if that angle would allow her more insight into her opposite's nature.
"What do you expect? You think I'm gonna turn into a monster any second? I told you I- "
"Well, we don't care about what you told us," Joel threw in and stood up, only to realize that there was absolutely no reason for it. So, he just rubbed his hands clean on his jeans, observing her precisely like the answer could be found in her face.
Perhaps he could spot early signs of an infection in her fluttering lashes or frantically moving pupils. But no, Amy seemed at ease. Except for the wrinkles upon her forehead, of course.
"Don't move an inch or we're gonna take it as a sign that you're infected, and we'll shoot you."
"What?" Tess lowered her gun slightly, still enough for Joel to raise the rifle. One of them should be ready to pull the trigger in case Amy made a sudden move.
"I promised Marlene not to tell anyone."
"That you're immune?" Joel scoffed, his grin broad but definitely not genuine.
"Yes, dumbass. I'm immune."
"Are you joking? Out of all the stupid stories you could've come up with, you pick this one? Immunity?"
Amy creaked, her elbows resting on her knees as she buried her face in her hands, threading through her hair.
"I know it's hard to believe. But I – I got bit two weeks ago. Of course, I expected to turn within the next few hours. But it didn't happen. Not in the first hours, not in the first days. Then I… I met Marlene, okay? Don't ask me how. And she – she came up with this stupid idea that I might be… you know. I was not convinced at first, I promise you that, but I stayed healthy. And the virus doesn't spread. You wanna see?"
Amy lifted her hand, provoking Joel's finger to ghost over the trigger.
"I said stay where you are."
"Jesus Christ… I just want to show you the bite mark. Why don't you two try to be a bit more practical and less stubborn? This psycho can continue to point the rifle at me while you check. Please. Look at it yourself."
She gave Tess a pleading look, all doe-eyed and innocent, and even before his friend had pushed herself up, Joel had already been able to tell that Amy's methods worked on her.
"Show me. But any sudden movements, and he shoots."
"I know. I know, jesus."
Joel couldn't see a lot from his point of view, but he was certain that for his taste, Tess spent much too long examining Amy's bite wound from all sides.
"Well? Tess?"
His friend didn't reply, which drove Joel near insanity.
"Tess," he hissed, his muscles coiling with heat when she dropped Amy's arm and walked back to the empty beer crates Joel and she had pulled up to sit on during their interrogation. Meanwhile, the young woman had to sit on the floor, cross-legged and clearly gripped by the fear that Joel was seconds away from landing a bullet in her chest.
"Looks good," Tess finally spoke, though her answer was not to his satisfaction at all. He had expected her to give him the green light to get this problem out of the world once and for all. But not this.
"What do you mean looks good?"
"I mean… it hasn't spread. Like she said."
Joel took a well-measured breath that only served to ground his thundering heartbeat, which fit well with the storm rioting in his brain, sweeping out every intelligent thought like an aggressive gust of wind.
"What, you're telling me you believe her?" Joel spat, and didn't care about not having this conversation with Tess in a private space. Amy should know all these things, how he felt about her and how much he wished they could resume their travels without her.
"No, I mean… I don't know, I just think that she's right about it… not spreading in her body. Or at least it looks like it."
"Of course it hasn't. Shit, you think Marlene would start a whole big ass distraction just to get someone out of the city who's about to turn any second?" Amy abruptly pulled her hand away, prompting Tess to drop her arm like she had burned herself.
"What does Marlene want with you," Joel asked, though it didn't sound like a question. His voice was low, dangerous and deliberate.
"Can't you guess?" She straightened up again, trying to make herself look as tall as possible sitting on the floor.
"No. And if I were you, I wouldn't try to be a smartass. Talk. I'm not scared of pulling the trigger. Now, what does Marlene want with you?"
Tess moved to the side a little as if to get out of the danger zone in case Joel decided to follow through and pull the trigger.
"She wants to make a cure," Amy sighed and bit down on her bottom lip, her face drawn like everything inside her refused to spell it out. "The fireflies have a bunch of doctors who are waiting in that camp. Marlene wants to help me get there so that they can take blood and find out what exactly in my body is different from everyone else."
"You gotta be shittin' me…" Joel growled, throwing down the rifle just because he had to move. His head was aching like someone had just bumped it against a wall, his stomach twisting with an indescribable anger.
No… it was pretty unambiguous, actually. He had just wasted his time, risked his life to get an infected brat out of the QZ, who might attack Tess and him in the next hours. All that just for a truck they should have stolen from someone else rather than doing Marlene's dirty work. No wonder she had asked the two of them instead of dragging along a stubborn girl who wasn't just rude and obnoxious but also infected.
"I'm serious," Amy quickly stated, rising to her feet, which made Tess step away from her.
"Oh my god, I'm not infected, okay? I haven't turned and I was bit two weeks ago. I promise. Why should I make this shit up?"
"So that we don't shoot you! Goddamnit, stay where you are. And put your fucking hands up." Joel grabbed the rifle again, his finger hovering an inch above the trigger. Frightened, Amy obeyed, though her glossy eyes were begging him to believe her ridiculous tale.
"Please. Tess."
"Tess is not gonna help you, kiddo. I got the rifle."
"Joel."
He wanted to scream.
"She's infected, Tess. You're not seriously considering – "
His eyes briefly flicked toward his friend who was walking back to take her place next to him.
"Just don't shoot. Wait. She is right, okay? The wound's not fresh and it's not spreading."
"Yeah, because she's lucky. Maybe she's got a day more, two tops. But she ain't gonna live."
Amy forcefully pushed her bag to the ground, then approached Joel with two determined strides.
"See for yourself," she hissed through clenched teeth, yanking up her sleeve to uncover her forearm.
There was a bite mark. Unquestionably from human teeth. It hadn't properly healed but it didn't look too fresh either. Her flesh was bulging, little lines running across her arm in irregular patterns like he had seen a million times before in the faces of the monsters he had faced in combat, but these lines… they looked done. Defeated. Joel didn't enjoy the sight in the slightest.
"Get your fucking hand away," Joel cursed and pushed against her wrist with the end of the weapon.
"I'm not gonna turn. Why do you think Marlene would've done all of this?"
"Because she's a fucking idiot. An optimist, a dreamer. Tess, you heard that story too. That cure that's gonna save us all, that's gonna fix the world and turn everything back to the way it was before. I fucking heard that tale before. It's not gonna happen, and it's about time those goddamn fireflies accepted it!" Joel gasped for air, his lungs burning terribly. His voice had sounded gruff and dark.
At least, that was what he had believed the moment after he was done.
A day later, as he wandered along the highway heading to the university, Joel wondered if he might have been wrong. Because if his tone had carried that dominance, that urgency, why had he lost the fight against Tess?
He couldn't even entirely remember how she had persuaded him not to shoot Amy on the spot but instead take her along toward the firefly camp like they had promised Marlene, but here he was now. His rifle pointing toward the houses standing tall beside them rather than at Amy, who was walking a few steps ahead next to Tess.
He faintly remembered Tess's steel eyes peering right through him while her mouth moved. The content of her words was lost on him… maybe something about carrying a little bit of hope? Something about it being worth a shot? The immense reward they were going to get for this?
"How did you get infected?" he heard Tess's voice in that moment, his ears sharpening. He didn't really care to learn that much about that woman, but even Joel, who had felt confused by some parts of her behavior, liked to know where she had been.
"That's a very long story…" Amy uttered, forcing Joel to pick up his pace just a little so that he was close enough to catch her quiet voice.
"C'mon. Tell me."
"Do I have to?"
A throaty chuckle spilled from Tess's lips, her hands moving to her front pockets. "What do you mean? You're asking if we're gonna leave you here by the highway if you don't tell us?"
"Maybe…" Amy whispered, head lowered.
"No. It's okay. Doesn't matter really, does it?"
Whereas Amy looked relieved by Tess's words, Joel was disappointed, a little mad even. Not only did his friend sound much too amicable with that stranger already, but he also would have liked to hear the answer to her question to get a rough picture of what kind of person she was. Whether she was the kind of woman who brought trouble.
"So, you were born before the outbreak, right?" Tess lazily kicked a stone away while Amy held onto the straps of her backpack.
"Yes. But just a few years before. I barely remember anything."
"Jesus… That's really insane. You know, it's weird to see a kid on the street and know that they haven't seen what the world was like before the outbreak, but it's even stranger to talk to a damn adult who has no idea. We're getting old, Joel."
Tess turned around, causing Amy's eyes to land on him as well. Hostility and... suspicion flared in her pupils, if his judgment was correct.
"My parents told me about some of it… And I read books."
"You can read?" Tess sneered, nodding approvingly. "Most of the kids today can't. Only the ones whose parents taught them or the ones who went to FEDRA school. Which one are you?"
"My parents taught me."
"They still around?" Tess was direct and crude, which Joel appreciated for once. He didn't like to feel her observing, revealing gaze upon his own face, but in this case, her curious questions saved the two of them a lot of time.
"N-No…" Amy stammered, her eyes darting helplessly between Tess's left and right eye.
"Since when?"
"They died when I was six."
Six. That meant not a lot of stability for a young child. No surprise she was such an easy victim for Marlene to mold and forge to her liking. That woman was probably already growing a mini version of herself with that girl.
"How?"
"I'm really – " Amy started, grazing her teeth over her lip. She seemed anxious, maybe even on the verge of tears, but if she had expected Joel to save her, she couldn't have been more wrong.
"It's okay. You don't wanna talk about it, I got it."
Tess gently patted her shoulder, which caused a flinch to ripple through her spine.
How very interesting.
"That's the one."
Amy wheeled around so quickly she nearly lost her balance, then reverently eyed up the building. It did look glorious with the picturesque embellishments on the ledges, the detailed flourishes above the windows, which were surprisingly well intact. The door was open a crack, which made the woman carefully glance at Tess, then him.
"So we're going in?"
"Of course we're going in."
Joel adjusted the strap of the rifle so that the weapon hung behind his back and his hands were free to carry a gun and a flashlight. Quickly, Amy put her bag down, opened a zipper and pulled out a flashlight as well, which she turned on without saying a word.
Only then, realizing that Joel and Tess were both ready to enter the building, she halted and grimaced like something was going through her mind.
"What?" Joel barked without paying any attention to his impolite tone.
"Maybe you should give me a gun too?"
"No fucking way," he spat at once, making a determined step toward the door. When he noticed Tess's hesitation, he might have screamed the frustration out of his lungs had his friend not spoken up faster.
"Maybe she should…"
"No. Fucking. Way," he repeated harshly.
"Why not?" Tess asked.
"'Cause I'm not gonna hand a gun to this – this stubborn brat like it's candy."
"I'm 24. Stop treating me like a fucking child, Joel."
"Oh yeah? You don't wanna be treated like a child? Then you better start acting like an adult."
"I'm not the one acting like a pouty kid who's mad for some reason like I stole his favorite chocolate or something."
"Stop. Both of you." Tess stepped between them, jaw taut, though she radiated a certain tranquility with the way she drew a heavy breath and held herself.
"Fine. No gun for you, 'cause these are actually Joel's so it's not my choice to make. Sorry, kid."
"I'm not a kid. Stop calling me that."
Tess stared at her for a beat, taking in her chin jutted forward, her flashing eyes, her messy hair.
"Fine, okay. Amy."
"Quiet."
He could watch Amy's eyes widen in real time as her mind slowly processed, then categorized the noises she had just heard.
"What do we do?" she breathed, barely audible to Joel, and yet he raised his finger to hush her.
"We go upstairs," he decided for the whole group, ignoring Tess's half-hearted protests.
The staircase was shattered and gaped with cracks that one couldn't quite see when carefully taking one step after another, but would feel painfully when someone's foot got stuck.
"Look at the ground," Joel warned Amy, who was running her eyes up to the ceiling as though the biggest dangers were lurking within the mildew spreading across the walls. What was she thinking? And why did the most incapable person of all happen to be the one who was immune to the cordyceps? If Marlene's assumptions were right after all.
Joel took Amy by the arm for the last few feet across the corridor, then rudely shoved her inside the museum room.
"Act like one," he mouthed, referring to all the things that had poured out of him earlier, but the woman just clenched her teeth and rubbed her bicep where Joel had gripped her.
Everything was dark in here, except for the little dots their flashlights cast upon the ground. The place had once been an exhibition of reptiles and fish, but nowadays, the only thing hinting at it was the large skeleton in the center of the room, which once might have been the heart of the museum. Now, it just looked gruesome with the thick layer of dust upon it and the bones spread out across the parquet floor.
"Shit," Tess suddenly cursed, her flashlight dancing over the door they had just come through.
"What?"
"Did you hear that?"
Joel paused, listening to his own heartbeat rather than getting distracted by the crushed glass all over the floor. Fuck.
"Clicker," he panted and rapidly tried to take in as much as he could of the large hall, looking for cupboards to hide inside, glass cabinets they could break in order to send the infected the wrong way.
"What do we do, Joel?" Tess asked and raised her gun, knuckles turning white, and so did her face. Joel inhaled deeply, nostrils flaring. Then, he grabbed Amy by her arms once more, pushing her backward until her back met the wall behind her.
"We're gonna be silent now. Not quiet. Silent. You hear them?"
"Yes," she whispered, sheer terror etched into her features in a way that sent a cold shudder through Joel's body.
"Good. They can't see. But they can hear. You're gonna stick to Tess and me, move when we say it and stop when we say it. Clear?"
"Yes."
As Joel let go of her, her pupils grazed the gun in his hand. Perhaps it would have been wise to arm her as well, but there was no time for it.
The noises of the Clickers grew louder, indicating that they were moving in their direction. If there was something he had learned over the past years, it was that they heard every single needle drop, every single whisper, no matter if it was closer to a breath than spoken words. There was a chance Joel had already messed up by not keeping his voice down entirely.
A minute later, Joel, Tess and Amy were pressed against a glass cabinet, heads resting against it while two Clickers meandered past them. The air turned sharp and thin all of a sudden, though it might just have been his lungs working slower than they usually did.
Blunt fear had a firm hold on him, although Joel knew how counterproductive and harmful it was. Rather than helping him, it hindered his movements, slowed his pace and clouded his mind dangerously.
He took a small step forward once the Clickers had walked past them for the second time. All three of them crept along the case, their faces so close to the glass it fogged beneath their breaths.
Crack. Joel's muscles seized painfully, his stomach lurching. Then, everything happened very quickly.
The air, previously so still except for the quiet, rhythmical clicking of their opponents, was filled with ugly squealing and yelps. Keen-eared as they were, they immediately threw themselves against the glass cabinet, which gave way under their weight and shattered into a million sharp little pieces.
Joel gasped, Tess shrieked, and Amy? Joel didn't know. The next thing he knew, he was dashing toward the secondary exit on the third floor beside Amy, whom he pulled along with him. Of course, they didn't make it far — not that Joel would have left without Tess — and the taller of the Clickers appeared to their right.
The unnatural yell it let out didn't have the effect it had had on him years ago, which was why Joel's face remained stoic as he dragged Amy behind him to shield her while he shot the Clicker over and over again. Soon, the air smelled of gunfire and a strident tone was ringing in his ears, yet the infected still stood.
"C'mon," he barked in Amy's direction, but didn't give her a choice anyway as he ran in the opposite direction and tugged her with him.
Once they had crossed the entire length of the building, passing yellowed information boards and the rotten remnants of little benches, Joel led the two of them behind another cabinet.
He brought a finger to his lips, signaling Amy to stay silent while he closed his eyes. Joel could always hear better when his other senses were shut down. If only there wasn't that thick scent of smoke in his nose. Perhaps it came from Tess's pistol. He prayed it came from Tess, and that she had successfully defended herself against the other Clicker.
Shit, he should be there with her rather than dragging that bratty girl along with him, who would probably not even thank him for saving her.
There. Another sound.
Joel had no clue whether it was the Clicker they had just fled from, but the moment it was close enough for him to assess its exact position, he stepped out from behind the cabinet and blindly pulled the trigger. Again, and again, and again.
Then, finally, its dark frame crumpled and collapsed into a disfigured mess of angular limbs stretched in all directions. Joel delivered one more shot to its head, making sure it really was dead before he turned toward Amy, who was still crouching against the glass.
"C'mon," he whispered and tipped his head.
There were noises not far away, and he could only hope that the reason they soared through the air was that the Clicker was fighting for its life right now.
Joel's feet carried him quickly to the source of the squeals despite the heaviness in his bones that just wouldn't give him the needed strength. What should he expect? Ten years ago, he probably would have had the energy to kill five of those Clickers without the twitch of an eyelash, and now he felt his power fade after a single combat. Which hadn't even really been combat.
"Joel," Amy whispered, but his eyes remained strictly on the floor before him. Then, Joel's gaze finally fell upon the horrendous scene of Tess struggling beneath the weight of a Clicker even more bloodthirsty and mad than the one they had just encountered. He quickly put an end to it by shooting the infected through its head.
When Tess stood on both her feet again, wiping down her jacket in disgust, all three of them were panting heavily, sweat pooling at Joel's temple even though the danger was momentarily at bay.
"You okay?" he wanted to know, examining her body as well as he could.
"Yeah. Are you?"
"I think so. Yes."
He had stayed far enough away for the Clicker not to bury its teeth in his flesh, so he should be fine. If he wasn't wrong about the pain in his foot, he might have strained his ankle while bolting with Amy, but it was nothing that wouldn't heal neatly within a few days. Joel had gone through worse.
"You too?"
The girl who refused to be called a girl nodded lightly. "Yeah. Of course."
Of course. What a nice way to put it for someone who hadn't lifted a finger because she'd had the privilege of being taken care of by him.
"Good. Let's get out of here now. Before we get more visitors."
The light shining in his face was such a vast contrast to the darkness that had surrounded him for the past minutes that Joel briefly felt excitement bubble in his stomach, though he had no intention of feeling happy, let alone relieved that they had made their way out of the museum.
Now, they were on top of the roof of the neighboring building, a former office building or something of the sort. The only thing separating them from the Massachusetts State House now was the climb across a small wooden plank to the next building, a ladder leading down to the street and a mile south until they would reach the Firefly camp.
In other words, most of the tough shit was behind them. But before they would finish the journey across the abandoned city, Tess sat down to bandage her feet, while Amy stood a few feet away like a shadow.
"Go ahead," Joel shouted against the wind, which was a lot stronger up here than on the streets where the tall buildings sheltered them. "But don't fall off the plank."
"I'm not a fucking child," she yelled and didn't turn around again, confidently stepping onto the wood that was slightly arched after years exposed to wind, rain and the weight of many people who had used the small path to get to the other side of the city.
"Jesus… I wouldn't mind 'er fallin' down," Joel murmured and opened his bag to grab the bandage he had shoved into the depths of it.
When Tess didn't answer, he continued, babbling mindless things that had been in his head and that he hadn't been able to say out loud so far with Amy buzzing around them like a bee. He missed speaking freely the way he could when it was just him and her. He missed cracking a joke that probably wasn't funny to anyone else in the world, but after spending so much time with the same person, the two of them had developed their own very specific sense of humor, which was a mixture of morbid, malicious joy and nihilism.
"I can't believe Marlene's makin' us do this shit… What's gonna happen when they realize that it doesn't work, hm? Are we supposed to take 'er back to the QZ like two kindergarten teachers?"
"Can you shut up, Joel?" He flinched at her sharp voice, her eyes just two glimmering dark holes spitting fire at him.
"What – "
"Can you be hopeful for once in your life, Joel? Can you just maybe accept that there's a chance that this might work? Can you just – I don't know, dream for a second?"
"Tess, I…"
"No. Just – No. I can do this on my own. Go ahead. Make sure she doesn't fall off the roof."
He had no choice but to give in to her demands, handing her the bandage he had meant to wrap around her ankle so that his friend could rest her limbs for a moment. Joel was still unsettled as he rose to his feet, feeling his knees ache while he approached the wooden plank Amy had just successfully crossed.
Now, she was standing by the railing, letting her gaze wander over the city like she owned it. There was awe in the lines around her mouth, as well as respect.
"Well? What do you think?" he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
"It's beautiful."
The light made her hair look golden and her skin gleam. Perhaps it was the remnants of the sweat that had gathered on her brow, but either way, it had the same pretty effect.
Pretty. Joel wanted to laugh out loud but suppressed the noise at the last moment. Pretty was the last thing he wanted to think about while his eyes rested on that woman. Not just because she was almost thirty years younger than him, but just as much because of how much he despised her presence, her nagging tone, her way of snapping at Tess and him while they were carrying her through this goddamn mess and making sure that she was fine.
Most importantly, of course, he didn't like her because that was how Joel was. He didn't like people. He respected them, like he did Tess. He hated them, like he did Marlene. Or he worried about them, like he did about Tommy. Amy… he felt annoyed by, if anything. Most of all, the girl was too insignificant to waste another thought on.
"You ever seen a city like that?"
"No," she replied shortly, pulling up the zip of her jacket. It was a lot colder up here, or at least it felt like it given the wind brushing against Joel's knuckles.
He scrunched his nose, leaving it at that. He had asked out of curiosity, but he felt no desire to get to know her any better, which was why he regarded the stillness, the spooky peacefulness of the wild city in silence.
Joel had always felt moved by nature reclaiming what was rightfully hers in such a profound way. Plants and vines weaving their way around fire poles, whole eucalyptus trees growing on the rooftop of the former city hall as though they couldn't have cared less about the relevance the building had once held.
"Ready?" Tess had sneaked her way up to them quietly and now lifted her chin, beckoning the others to follow her to the ladder leading down to the street along the front of the red brick building they were on.
Ten minutes later, Joel's shoulders tensed.
It wasn't like he had been fully relaxed during their hike along the straight avenue guiding them to the building they had already spotted half an hour ago, but now, with the trucks clearly visible before him, he fastened the strap of the rifle around his torso.
Everything looked normal so far, at least what Joel expected a firefly camp to look like. But then, as the three of them stood in front of the building, he narrowed his eyes.
Something was off. It was… quiet. Too quiet for the base of the most prominent resistance group, which, according to Amy, had even been joined by scientists and doctors needed to make a cure.
"What the fuck's goin' on here…" Joel muttered, not bothering to part his teeth. His gaze flickered over the trucks, the tires, the door, and then he harshly opened the driver's door of the nearest one.
"Shit…"
A guy fell out at once, making Tess and Amy jolt backward. He had a gaping wound on his head, eyes hollow and dead.
"What happened here?" Amy breathed, even though there was no need to keep her voice down after what Tess did next.
The woman cursed at no one in particular, grabbed Amy by the bicep and dragged her across the forecourt, heading for the gate.
"Tess," Joel warned her, but she didn't seem to listen. She kicked the door open, which gave him no choice but to follow, though his heart thundered up his throat as he raised the rifle.
"Shit… Shit, shit."
Joel heard his friend's words before he was able to take in the scene himself. Dead bodies. Sprawled across the floor like someone had come in here solely to butcher everyone within the walls of the building. Blood was everywhere, coating the white marble in an ugly scarlet.
"No. This can't be – " Tess plunged forward and towered over a small desk in the next moment. She seemed so eager to find something among the countless sheets of paper and cards that she even forgot to pull Amy along, who looked deeply uncomfortable standing beside her.
"Who was that?" she asked, but Joel was too occupied catching up with Tess's hot-headed temper.
"Tess. C'mon, Tess, what are you doing? We need to get back."
"No!" she hissed, turning so suddenly Joel nearly stumbled backward. She looked feral, almost possessed by a higher power, with her eyes wide open and her lips compressed.
"We don't go back, Joel. We go on, we – " She paused, her eyes lingering on something to Joel's right.
A body. On the ground, laboriously dragging itself across the floor to — Joel understood why Tess had faltered too late to stop her. His brain was still processing, trying to grasp what had driven his friend to be so upset and panicky, which was why he only shifted his eyes from the nearly dead man when Tess was already in the middle of opening every single plastic tank the fireflies must have taken with them, using the back of the rifle Joel had set down on the floor.
"Tess!"
At first, she didn't react, busy tipping the gasoline tanks over so that the liquid could spread across the ground. What the hell was she doing? What the hell did she think –
"She's infected."
Joel's brow creased, eyes landing on Amy's face. He noticed an expression he had never seen on her before. There was pity, but why was there pity? What had she just said, Tess was… infected?
"What?" Joel chuckled drily, watching as Tess rushed across the space like a rabid rabbit. By now, everything smelled of gasoline, mixed with the scent of blood that still heavily clung to the air.
"She's infected. Aren't you, Tess?"
"Tess?"
It was Joel's voice that seemed to wake her from her trance. She didn't stop at once, but her movements slowed until her hand came to rest weakly on one of the tanks she had been just about to push over.
"It had to happen sooner or later, right?" she whispered, standing up and taking a small step. "We were running out of luck, Joel."
"Tess."
"I'm gonna blow this place up. That asshole called all his new friends by pulling at the goddamn string. But it doesn't matter now. It's — over."
Before he could answer, perhaps ask what the hell was going on and why she hadn't told him up there on the roof, Tess rushed forward, ignoring the flinch that went through Joel's body.
"Take her, Joel."
A muscle beside his mouth ticked.
"All the shit we have done, Joel. Make it right. Make up for some of it."
His teeth ground so hard they creaked under the force.
"Take her to Bill and Frank. They will take her and get her there safely. They'll know what to do. They got supplies, everything they're gonna need. They can take the car and drive her to the fireflies and maybe – " Tess's voice broke. "Maybe it's gonna work. It might work, Joel. Just – Think about it. Think about – "
The lines around Joel's eyes grew more distinct as he jerked back once more.
As though his body was acting on his mind's behalf, his hand enclosed Amy's bicep. Automatically, like a machine. His grip was steel-like, firm, like Joel had no intention of letting go any time soon.
"What are you – " Amy stumbled, her arm wriggling to free itself, but of course she didn't stand a chance.
"Let me go, what are you doing?"
Now, Amy's whole body was squirming, her free hand flailing to hit Joel somewhere, but he mercilessly dragged her along with him like a doll. He felt numb, he didn't feel anything at all.
Even Amy's shouts, her pleas to let her go, went past him.
He was aware that she was shrieking, but his brain was sealed inside a water bubble, causing her voice to come through muffled and distant. There was a chance Tess was saying something too, but he wouldn't have known.
He left the dead bodies behind. His vision was blurry now as well, head spinning like a washing machine. Maybe Amy was still fighting and writhing like she was possessed, Joel didn't know. He wouldn't have cared either way.
When he walked out of the door and left the building behind, something in his stomach churned. Something subtle, not quite painful, yet Joel was so profoundly aware of it that it nearly made him lose his mind, made him want to ram his nails into his stomach and scoop his organs out of his body.
When his senses started to perceive his surroundings more clearly again, the smell of gasoline making its way past his nostrils, Joel picked up his pace.
By the time they reached the nearby forest, he was running, and even Amy seemed to understand that in order to survive this day, she couldn't stay within close range of the building.
So she sprinted by his side, though Joel's hand didn't loosen its taut hold around her arm.
Contains: canon-typical violence, graphic violence, blood and injury, character death (Tess), infection/cordyceps, guns and shooting, swearing, age gap, morally grey characters, angst, hurt, panic, fighting
Wordcount: 10,341
Masterlist of this story
Masterlist
Joel shook his head. Briefly.
"No."
Tess's lips tightened, neck flexing as she eyed Joel's face like she was checking something.
"I said no, Tess."
"Joel."
God… he hated how she said his name as though he were nothing but a stupid, rabid fighting dog with not an ounce of intelligence in his head. As though she could whistle and put him back on his leash any time she wished.
"You seriously wanna get involved in some firefly shit? You, out of all people, are you fuckin' kiddin' me?"
His gaze landed on Marlene for another beat, how she ran a hand over her brow, making her look like she was physically suffering from Joel and Tess taking so long.
"It's our only shot." She emphasized every single word, eyes dark and face unreadable.
Then, before Joel could protest, Tess freed herself from his bruising grip around her bicep and stepped toward Marlene, the other woman, whose name Joel had forgotten, and… Amy. At least, that was the noise Joel had been able to identify when Marlene had hissed something in her direction.
"We're gonna do it."
"Tess," Joel uttered, making it sound like an insult, but she just ignored him. Again, Joel felt like an animal that was too insignificant to speak to directly.
"Great." Marlene's shoulders dropped, her eyes slowly wandering to the young woman standing against the wall like she was trying to get swallowed by it.
"But we're not gonna let her go before we get our supplies. I swear to god, we don't have any problem shooting her when it comes down to it."
"I don't doubt that, Tess."
Marlene didn't even look at his partner while saying that and just approached the woman, who looked smaller than she was, pressed against the rancid wall.
"You okay?"
She nodded, though she looked a little pale. There were deep dark circles underneath her eyes, her lips bloody like someone had hit her. Joel wasn't so sure whether she was actually okay, but he couldn't have cared less.
"Okay. You got this, alright? Joel and Tess are gonna get you to the camp safely, and… they're gonna know what to do next. Just trust them. Not Joel and Tess, the people in the camp."
Marlene softly patted her shoulders, then turned toward the two others at last.
"Please. Don't fuck this up, okay?" she whispered weakly, reminding Joel of the gaping wound at her shoulder. "This is important. We're gonna provide you all the fucking equipment that you need. Whatever you want, we're gonna get it. Just keep her safe. Please."
Joel questioned what Marlene was trying to achieve by pleading with them since she must have known that out of all people, Tess and he were the last people to fall for her begging. Still, the part about getting them whatever they needed stood out to him. Whatever Tess had in mind for that girl, it must be important to her. Which consequentially gave them power.
"We will. If you do your part."
With that, Tess stepped aside, thrusting out her arm to signal the woman to come forward.
"C'mon."
She truly looked like a frightened lamb, throwing Marlene one last glimpse of doubt, but she was met with something resembling pity.
Yeah, Joel wasn't surprised. If Marlene had had the time for it, she probably would have showered the girl with advice about being careful around him and Tess while simultaneously apologizing for sending her off with them. It was no secret how much Marlene resented Joel and his methods, but for now, she depended on him.
If the life of her little pet was important to her.
Soon, the three of them were walking down the streets, dawn starting to settle upon the city. In the daylight, she seemed even paler, although her posture was a little more straightened, which made her look a whole inch taller.
"What's your name?" Tess said in her direction, grasping the straps of her backpack tightly.
"Amy."
"Amy… How old are you, Amy?"
"24."
It sounded like an interrogation, one that Joel didn't want to take any part in. He was just waiting to talk to Tess privately in order to berate her for making such stupid choices without his agreement, but so far, no such opportunity had presented itself.
"That's the one," Tess hummed, pointing to their apartment building, which looked especially rotten and dilapidated in the beautiful golden light that had spread through the streets. Without the dirty sidewalks and the occasional dead body, the scenery would have been almost pretty.
"That one?" Amy asked, and for the first time, Joel could spot a new emotion on her face. It was… disgust?
"Are you not satisfied with that one?" Tess growled and determinedly pushed the door open, silently inviting her in, but it seemed like Amy wasn't done yet regarding the front.
"S'not gonna get any prettier," Joel grunted, addressing her directly for the first time.
"How long are we gonna stay here?"
"As long as it takes."
He followed Tess inside, then held the door open a crack as if to tell her that she had about two seconds before he would close it.
"As long as it takes to do what?"
She received no answer. Joel was too annoyed with this whole goddamn day, and it seemed like even Tess had enough of all this shit.
Their heavy boots stomped on the stairs, causing dry dirt to dissolve from the underside of each step and drizzle down, perhaps into Amy's face, given that she was so far behind them. She climbed the staircase slowly, provoking Joel to wonder what she was looking for in here. A rat that they had woken up with their loud noises bouncing off the high ceiling? An open apartment door to dash through in order to not be forced to stay with Joel and Tess?
"Sit down," was the next thing Tess said once the three of them had entered the sparse room.
"I don't wanna sit," Amy muttered and folded her arms in front of her chest. Perhaps she was trying to look cool and unbothered, not at all intimidated by the two people significantly older than herself, but she only mildly succeeded.
"Okay. You can also stand all night if that's what you prefer," Tess commented.
"How long are we gonna stay here?" Amy asked, voice hollow and distant like part of her had given up on her defiant behavior. Well, if that was the case, she really was easy to break.
"As long as it takes to get dark. C'mon, Joel."
Tess stood up from the armchair seconds after she had plopped into it, gesturing for Joel to follow her. The woman guided him to the door, which made Amy furrow her brow in confusion.
"Where are you going?"
"To talk. In private."
"Why? Shouldn't I know about it too?"
Tess placed a hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her back. "No. This is just between Joel and me. Just… I don't know, sit on the couch. Try to sleep a little. Or you can take something from the kitchen if you're hungry."
Joel could feel his insides brewing once more, thinking that Tess was treating her much too nicely already. All they were supposed to do was get that woman to a firefly camp, nothing else. If Marlene was the amazing, saintly protector she claimed to be, she surely must have equipped Amy with something to eat.
Amy reluctantly strode back to the couch, circling their worn armchair like a predator, but Joel didn't find out what she did next as Tess pulled him out to the corridor.
"Before you start speaking – " the woman began, but this time, Joel, the vicious dog that he was, snapped first.
"What the fuck? What do you think you're doing here, Tess?"
"Joel."
This stupid word again. Sometimes, Joel believed that his friend thought he was able to tame his demeanor just by rolling his name past her lips like some magic spell.
"What?" he hissed, keeping his voice down in case Amy was eavesdropping.
"As I said, it's our best shot. We wanna find Tommy, don't we?"
"Don't bullshit me, Tess. Of course, I wanna find Tommy. But I'm not gonna drag some brat across the country and do all the shit work for Marlene."
"Have you listened to her earlier?" Tess's jaw worked, her eyes hungry all of a sudden. "I don't know what's up with her but she's important to Marlene. Just think of the possibilities… We're gonna bring her to that camp, put a gun to her head and tell them that before we let her go, we want everything. All the stuff in the world. A loaded truck, weapons, ammunition, food, compasses, maps, everything. The fireflies might be fucking idiots, but they're useful. They're gonna be useful to us."
Of course, Tess was right, Joel had to admit. They had a lot more options and connections than Tess and he had, and normally, if they wanted something, they always knew a guy who could get it. But that wasn't the part bothering him.
"But this – this girl, what are we gonna do with her? What's up with her? Why is she so important to Marlene that she'd ask us for help? I mean, come on, you know Marlene. Asking us for help must be her worst fucking nightmare."
"I know. I know, Joel… I have no fucking idea. But does it matter? I don't care about Marlene's motives."
Joel chewed on his tongue, casting Tess a skeptical glance.
"And… what if she's dangerous?"
"You think she's dangerous?" Tess laughed so loudly that Joel nearly hushed her.
"No I mean… Takin' 'er with us. What if… I don't know, there are dangerous people comin' after her?"
"Then we're gonna give 'er to them. It's easy, isn't it? We got nothing to lose, do we? If this mission fails, we're just gonna get back and find a new way to get a truck."
"You're makin' this sound really easy, Tess," Joel laughed humorlessly, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "We're talkin' about smugglin' 'er out of the QZ. We can't just turn around and head back if something feels off."
"Relax, Joel, okay?" Tess sighed, nodding slowly as though to convince herself that everything was going to be fine. If only Joel could believe it the way she did.
"We're gonna find a way if that happens. We always find a way, don't we?"
To say that he was unsatisfied with her response to his concerns would have been an understatement.
But just as it was typical for her, Tess patted her hand on his shoulder, her attention already on something else, as he could see it in her eyes.
"I'm gonna meet Derek, get some more food for the road. But I'll head straight back when it's dark enough."
"Jesus, Tess…"
He threw his head back, chin jutted forward.
"What?"
"Nothin'…"
Yeah, in that moment, he kind of did feel like her dog, her good pet that bit when she commanded, backed off when she told him to and kept his drooling mouth shut when she demanded silence.
When Joel opened the door again, he had no idea whatsoever what to expect. He wouldn't have been surprised to see Amy climb out of the window, raid their kitchen or sleep soundly on the couch.
But no, he was spared all of it and just took in her slouched frame on the armchair.
At the noise of the door falling shut, she turned around, her eyes finding him in the dark and assessing whether Tess was right behind him. When she realized that Joel was alone, she rose to her feet, straightening up in front of him as though she were bracing herself for a fight.
"What happened? Are we gonna go?"
"No," was all he felt strong enough to bark, and let himself fall back into the cushions of the couch, which were soiled with cigarette stains, dirt and things that he didn't even want to identify. Not knowing what his only pair of jeans touched was better than feeling disgusted by it. Even though nowadays, it took a whole lot more than some rat shit to upset his stomach.
"Why not?" Amy's eyes followed him like lightbulbs in the darkness. Joel could have turned on the light, but for one, he didn't want her to think that he was keen to have a conversation with her, and secondly, he felt like perhaps getting an hour of sleep before they would move out of the QZ.
"'Cause we're gonna wait until it's dark outside. And the rain gets heavier."
"Why?"
"You ask a hell lotta questions."
Joel laid down sideways, head on the armrest and arms folded in front of his chest.
"I wanna know what's gonna happen. I think that's not so unusual."
Although everything inside him refused to spare her another glance, let alone waste his time speaking to this random girl, Joel sighed, thinking that his chances of getting some sleep would be higher if he managed to answer her questions and therefore shut her running mouth up.
"Rain's gonna cover us. Darkness too."
"Where's Tess?"
"Oh you picked up her name already…" Joel chuckled lowly. "Don't get too attached. She bites."
His eyes were closed, which was why he couldn't see Amy's reaction to his words.
"I know your name too. Joel."
"Congratulations."
His thoughts began to drift off, sleep washing over him, which made him slowly start to forget all about Amy in the chair next to him. He hadn't felt very tired before, but now that his body was resting comfortably, sore limbs eased away, the exhaustion became almost intolerable and he might just –
"What's this?" Joel's left eye opened at her nagging tone. Amy was pointing at his radio like it was a spaceship or some hypermodern capsule to teleport someone somewhere else.
"None of your business."
"Why are you so rude?"
He almost laughed, if he hadn't felt that rage roiling within his abdomen. Rude, well that was an appropriate term for him, wasn't it?
"Why can't you shut your damn mouth for a moment?"
He paused, waiting for another clapback from her, but when she lay back in the armchair, she looked like she was sulking.
"What's the deal with ya, hm? What does Marlene want with you?"
Amy pulled her knees up to her chest, arms tightly draped around them as though to protect herself from an invisible force in the room with them. Or, and Joel deemed that as more likely, from him.
"None of your business."
"You're a smartass, aren't ya? You think you can make your way through this shit by coming up with bratty replies and playin' the tough one."
He might have added something, just to scare that girl a little more. She surely wasn't half as tenacious as she pretended to be, given that every now and then, a light glint flashed in her eyes. Not one that broadcasted ruthlessness or anger but rather… uncertainty. Fear, perhaps. But in that moment, the door flew open and Joel didn't even have to turn around to know that it was Tess.
"The air in here is shitty," she barked and dropped into a chair like she hadn't seen sleep in days. Joel's attention shifted toward her in an instant, the fact that she was back so soon troubling him.
"What happened?"
"Asshole was gone. The door was locked."
"What does the rain look like?"
Tess shrugged, her gaze trailing off toward Amy who was still curled into a ball.
"Not great, but we're gonna have to do it anyway."
"Why tonight?"
Before Joel could snort in annoyance at another one of her irritating questions, Tess took the reins and approached her. "Has Marlene told you anything at all?"
"Funny coming from you," Amy spat, teeth grinding like she was an animal about to rip apart its prey.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You have no idea what's going on here. We could trade. Information, you know? You tell me about your plan, that radio and – and what the fuck you're doing and I'm gonna tell you about what Marlene wants."
"Not happening," Joel grunted and slowly rose to his feet.
Tess's eyes lingered on his face a little longer than necessary, assessing whether to add something, and figuring that the deal was sensible before she tilted her head toward Amy's bag.
"Get your stuff. We're leaving."
Rain was slamming into Joel's face, obstructing his view in a way that made him unable to see anything apart from the dark outlines of the tall buildings to his left and right, but once he accepted the fact that he would be soaked to his bones by the time they reached the fence, there was something clean and purifying about the drops running down his cheeks.
Tess led the way as always, only that this time, Amy was walking between them, sometimes struggling to keep up with Tess's fast pace since she seemed quite busy observing the houses around her.
Weird, Joel thought. Has she never been to Boston before? Goddamnit, where had Marlene found this girl? Had she picked her up from some gutter and found out that she had super powers that would defeat FEDRA?
Getting out of the QZ was an easy task given that Joel and Tess had sneaked their way out of the area a million times before, smuggling stuff in and out. Mostly drugs, of course. Tonight, it was nearly embarrassingly easy, considering that the soldiers had their hands full with the attacks the fireflies had planned all across the city just to distract them enough for three people to quietly slip out of the QZ.
A whole resistance group using up their supplies to plant useless bombs in different corners of the town. Just for a single girl. Marlene must have lost her mind.
But at least, it made everything a lot easier for Joel and Tess, who felt almost ridiculous shushing Amy at every given moment when she bumped into the fence or asked a question into the silence. The night was so quiet, he might as well have shouted his friend's name, and he wouldn't have gotten a reaction except for the wind carrying his words back to him.
"Which direction?" Amy was just asking when suddenly, a loud voice cut through the air.
"You must be fucking joking."
All three of them wheeled around, Amy's eyes widening in shock while Joel could only exhale with restrained fury.
Commandant fucking McConney. The guy he had sold drugs to earlier in exchange for cigarettes.
"I told you to stay inside, didn't I?" he growled, thrusting his rifle forward. "Hands up, right now. This is gonna be bad, guys… This is gonna be really fucking bad. Outside the QZ after curfew. You know what the punishment for that is, don't you?"
Tess let out a strangled groan, though she reluctantly raised her hands, gesturing for Amy to do the same.
"C'mon, man… We got lots of stuff. Ammo, food…"
"Ammo? Food? I'm FEDRA, you fucking morons. The only thing you can give me is your lives. Hands up."
Joel obeyed as well, even though his blood was throbbing in his veins, keeping him on high alert. He would have to talk to this guy. He knew him, he was a corrupt, impressionable man who easily bent the rules for his own benefit. Otherwise, why would he have traded with Joel, sometimes even giving out sensitive information for a couple of pills?
When McConney pulled out an infection scanner, Joel rolled his eyes and let out an inaudible scoff.
"Seriously?"
"Yep. We're doing this by the book."
"What, did they give you a promotion? Did it remind you of your fuckin' morals?" Joel knew that he was playing with fire provoking the man while he was obviously the one in power, but his own frustration over getting caught by this dumbass of all people outweighed every sense of survival instinct.
"Shut your mouth or I'm gonna shoot you right now."
After he was done with Joel, Amy was next. She stood surprisingly still, considering that all three of them were in big trouble, but then suddenly, she stirred.
At first, Joel thought she was just shifting her weight to her other foot, but when she let out a guttural snarl and threw herself at him, Joel's body jolted.
"Fucking bitch!" McConney exclaimed after his howl of pain, hinting that Amy might have hit him on his ankle. With what? Had Marlene equipped her with weapons?
Everything happened fast, the soldier grabbing the young woman by the bicep and dragging her backward until she fell down on her backside.
"You stupid bitch. You know that you just got yourself and your friends killed?"
"Don't."
Joel took one step to the side, shielding Amy from McConney's view. The man narrowed his eyes.
"Arms. Up."
"You don't wanna do this."
The bright light of the flashlight attached to his rifle stung his eyes painfully.
Without realizing it, Joel's pupils dilated, his teeth meeting ever so subtly it probably escaped McConney's notice.
His vision blurred, and this time, the rain wasn't at fault.
Suddenly, the picture before him shattered into fragments, some of them showing scenes that had happened a long time ago. Twenty long years ago.
They had a similar eye color. Joel remembered that hazel brown too well not to notice it.
And both shared that specific look, those lifted eyebrows and that twinkle around their pupils that resembled pity.
Perhaps it was their way of redeeming themselves from the evil crime they were about to commit by showing that they were not utterly unbothered by it.
Joel's heart skipped a beat, a high squealing note in his ears. Then, everything around him turned red, and a beat later, Joel was wrestling the soldier to the ground, panting heavily while his fists crashed into the guy's face over and over.
Blood splashed to all sides, teeth broke, but at least his victim couldn't keep up his cursing and whimpering for long. Joel had no idea how long he had been beating and disfiguring the soldier's face, but based on the silence that spread the moment he stopped, he assumed it had been long overdue.
His breathing was still labored and uneven, his body trembling as he straightened up.
Joel turned slowly, eyes streaking over Tess who was chewing on her bottom lip, emitting a mixture of accusation and begrudging concession.
Then there was Amy. She was still sitting on the ground, hands flat at her sides and eyes round. She relentlessly moistened her dry, brittle lips with her tongue until she realized that there was no use trying. Was she scared? Of him or of what she had just witnessed?
"Let's go. We gotta move," Tess commanded and picked up the dead soldier's rifle, sparing him no more than one last compassionate glance. "Poor guy. He was a rule-follower."
Joel didn't possess the energy it would have taken to tell her what a loser he had been.
"You okay?" Tess said in Amy's direction, offering her her hand.
"Y-Yes." The stammering and faint tremble of her voice didn't escape Joel, and neither did it seem to escape Tess.
"I'm sorry, but if Marlene told you that this would be a pleasant trip, she told you a fairytale."
"I'm okay," she whispered, grabbing Tess's hand at last, which helped her get to her feet.
"What the fuck."
Joel froze mid-motion. He had been about to take the rifle from Tess's hand, but the sound of her voice, her eyes blown wide with horror, made him whirl around and instinctively reach for his holster. Then, he saw it. The cordyceps scanner. The red it showed pierced through his irises aggressively, causing his head to spin and his throat to dry up.
"No. No, no, no, I can explain," Amy stuttered, her voice louder than it had ever been before.
"Don't move, goddamnit!" Joel shouted and angled the rifle's tip toward her. She immediately jerked backward, protectively raising her hands as if to calm an upset animal.
"Don't shoot. I swear, I can explain, I – I'm not infected. Please, you have to – "
"Oh yeah? You're tryna tell me that the machine's lying?" Tess exclaimed and took her place next to Joel, glaring down at her like she were venom.
"No, I – Yes, I have the virus inside me, but it's not spreading. It's dead. I'm immune."
While Tess softly hissed out through her clenched teeth, Joel laughed drily, tightening his grasp around the weapon.
"We have to shoot her right now." He shifted his weight between his feet, his eyes scurrying over her frame, scared to lose her in the darkness.
"No!" Amy choked out, taking a step back as if putting distance between herself and him would save her in case he pulled the trigger.
"Look. Look at my arm. I got bit two weeks ago. And nothing happened, please – just – "
Tess groaned as if she were in physical pain, rubbing her palm over her brow.
"We gotta move. Right now. C'mon."
"What, you wanna – "
"Now!"
Loud noises gushed from the fence. It seemed like they weren't the only ones who knew about McConney's death by now, chattering and agitated clamoring soaring through the air. Joel was driven by his hot temper, but he was not stupid enough to continue this discussion here.
"Let's go," he grumbled, not looking back for once as the three of them headed in the opposite direction of the QZ.
"Don't fucking move."
Tess lightly tilted her head to the side as if that angle would allow her more insight into her opposite's nature.
"What do you expect? You think I'm gonna turn into a monster any second? I told you I- "
"Well, we don't care about what you told us," Joel threw in and stood up, only to realize that there was absolutely no reason for it. So, he just rubbed his hands clean on his jeans, observing her precisely like the answer could be found in her face.
Perhaps he could spot early signs of an infection in her fluttering lashes or frantically moving pupils. But no, Amy seemed at ease. Except for the wrinkles upon her forehead, of course.
"Don't move an inch or we're gonna take it as a sign that you're infected, and we'll shoot you."
"What?" Tess lowered her gun slightly, still enough for Joel to raise the rifle. One of them should be ready to pull the trigger in case Amy made a sudden move.
"I promised Marlene not to tell anyone."
"That you're immune?" Joel scoffed, his grin broad but definitely not genuine.
"Yes, dumbass. I'm immune."
"Are you joking? Out of all the stupid stories you could've come up with, you pick this one? Immunity?"
Amy creaked, her elbows resting on her knees as she buried her face in her hands, threading through her hair.
"I know it's hard to believe. But I – I got bit two weeks ago. Of course, I expected to turn within the next few hours. But it didn't happen. Not in the first hours, not in the first days. Then I… I met Marlene, okay? Don't ask me how. And she – she came up with this stupid idea that I might be… you know. I was not convinced at first, I promise you that, but I stayed healthy. And the virus doesn't spread. You wanna see?"
Amy lifted her hand, provoking Joel's finger to ghost over the trigger.
"I said stay where you are."
"Jesus Christ… I just want to show you the bite mark. Why don't you two try to be a bit more practical and less stubborn? This psycho can continue to point the rifle at me while you check. Please. Look at it yourself."
She gave Tess a pleading look, all doe-eyed and innocent, and even before his friend had pushed herself up, Joel had already been able to tell that Amy's methods worked on her.
"Show me. But any sudden movements, and he shoots."
"I know. I know, jesus."
Joel couldn't see a lot from his point of view, but he was certain that for his taste, Tess spent much too long examining Amy's bite wound from all sides.
"Well? Tess?"
His friend didn't reply, which drove Joel near insanity.
"Tess," he hissed, his muscles coiling with heat when she dropped Amy's arm and walked back to the empty beer crates Joel and she had pulled up to sit on during their interrogation. Meanwhile, the young woman had to sit on the floor, cross-legged and clearly gripped by the fear that Joel was seconds away from landing a bullet in her chest.
"Looks good," Tess finally spoke, though her answer was not to his satisfaction at all. He had expected her to give him the green light to get this problem out of the world once and for all. But not this.
"What do you mean looks good?"
"I mean… it hasn't spread. Like she said."
Joel took a well-measured breath that only served to ground his thundering heartbeat, which fit well with the storm rioting in his brain, sweeping out every intelligent thought like an aggressive gust of wind.
"What, you're telling me you believe her?" Joel spat, and didn't care about not having this conversation with Tess in a private space. Amy should know all these things, how he felt about her and how much he wished they could resume their travels without her.
"No, I mean… I don't know, I just think that she's right about it… not spreading in her body. Or at least it looks like it."
"Of course it hasn't. Shit, you think Marlene would start a whole big ass distraction just to get someone out of the city who's about to turn any second?" Amy abruptly pulled her hand away, prompting Tess to drop her arm like she had burned herself.
"What does Marlene want with you," Joel asked, though it didn't sound like a question. His voice was low, dangerous and deliberate.
"Can't you guess?" She straightened up again, trying to make herself look as tall as possible sitting on the floor.
"No. And if I were you, I wouldn't try to be a smartass. Talk. I'm not scared of pulling the trigger. Now, what does Marlene want with you?"
Tess moved to the side a little as if to get out of the danger zone in case Joel decided to follow through and pull the trigger.
"She wants to make a cure," Amy sighed and bit down on her bottom lip, her face drawn like everything inside her refused to spell it out. "The fireflies have a bunch of doctors who are waiting in that camp. Marlene wants to help me get there so that they can take blood and find out what exactly in my body is different from everyone else."
"You gotta be shittin' me…" Joel growled, throwing down the rifle just because he had to move. His head was aching like someone had just bumped it against a wall, his stomach twisting with an indescribable anger.
No… it was pretty unambiguous, actually. He had just wasted his time, risked his life to get an infected brat out of the QZ, who might attack Tess and him in the next hours. All that just for a truck they should have stolen from someone else rather than doing Marlene's dirty work. No wonder she had asked the two of them instead of dragging along a stubborn girl who wasn't just rude and obnoxious but also infected.
"I'm serious," Amy quickly stated, rising to her feet, which made Tess step away from her.
"Oh my god, I'm not infected, okay? I haven't turned and I was bit two weeks ago. I promise. Why should I make this shit up?"
"So that we don't shoot you! Goddamnit, stay where you are. And put your fucking hands up." Joel grabbed the rifle again, his finger hovering an inch above the trigger. Frightened, Amy obeyed, though her glossy eyes were begging him to believe her ridiculous tale.
"Please. Tess."
"Tess is not gonna help you, kiddo. I got the rifle."
"Joel."
He wanted to scream.
"She's infected, Tess. You're not seriously considering – "
His eyes briefly flicked toward his friend who was walking back to take her place next to him.
"Just don't shoot. Wait. She is right, okay? The wound's not fresh and it's not spreading."
"Yeah, because she's lucky. Maybe she's got a day more, two tops. But she ain't gonna live."
Amy forcefully pushed her bag to the ground, then approached Joel with two determined strides.
"See for yourself," she hissed through clenched teeth, yanking up her sleeve to uncover her forearm.
There was a bite mark. Unquestionably from human teeth. It hadn't properly healed but it didn't look too fresh either. Her flesh was bulging, little lines running across her arm in irregular patterns like he had seen a million times before in the faces of the monsters he had faced in combat, but these lines… they looked done. Defeated. Joel didn't enjoy the sight in the slightest.
"Get your fucking hand away," Joel cursed and pushed against her wrist with the end of the weapon.
"I'm not gonna turn. Why do you think Marlene would've done all of this?"
"Because she's a fucking idiot. An optimist, a dreamer. Tess, you heard that story too. That cure that's gonna save us all, that's gonna fix the world and turn everything back to the way it was before. I fucking heard that tale before. It's not gonna happen, and it's about time those goddamn fireflies accepted it!" Joel gasped for air, his lungs burning terribly. His voice had sounded gruff and dark.
At least, that was what he had believed the moment after he was done.
A day later, as he wandered along the highway heading to the university, Joel wondered if he might have been wrong. Because if his tone had carried that dominance, that urgency, why had he lost the fight against Tess?
He couldn't even entirely remember how she had persuaded him not to shoot Amy on the spot but instead take her along toward the firefly camp like they had promised Marlene, but here he was now. His rifle pointing toward the houses standing tall beside them rather than at Amy, who was walking a few steps ahead next to Tess.
He faintly remembered Tess's steel eyes peering right through him while her mouth moved. The content of her words was lost on him… maybe something about carrying a little bit of hope? Something about it being worth a shot? The immense reward they were going to get for this?
"How did you get infected?" he heard Tess's voice in that moment, his ears sharpening. He didn't really care to learn that much about that woman, but even Joel, who had felt confused by some parts of her behavior, liked to know where she had been.
"That's a very long story…" Amy uttered, forcing Joel to pick up his pace just a little so that he was close enough to catch her quiet voice.
"C'mon. Tell me."
"Do I have to?"
A throaty chuckle spilled from Tess's lips, her hands moving to her front pockets. "What do you mean? You're asking if we're gonna leave you here by the highway if you don't tell us?"
"Maybe…" Amy whispered, head lowered.
"No. It's okay. Doesn't matter really, does it?"
Whereas Amy looked relieved by Tess's words, Joel was disappointed, a little mad even. Not only did his friend sound much too amicable with that stranger already, but he also would have liked to hear the answer to her question to get a rough picture of what kind of person she was. Whether she was the kind of woman who brought trouble.
"So, you were born before the outbreak, right?" Tess lazily kicked a stone away while Amy held onto the straps of her backpack.
"Yes. But just a few years before. I barely remember anything."
"Jesus… That's really insane. You know, it's weird to see a kid on the street and know that they haven't seen what the world was like before the outbreak, but it's even stranger to talk to a damn adult who has no idea. We're getting old, Joel."
Tess turned around, causing Amy's eyes to land on him as well. Hostility and... suspicion flared in her pupils, if his judgment was correct.
"My parents told me about some of it… And I read books."
"You can read?" Tess sneered, nodding approvingly. "Most of the kids today can't. Only the ones whose parents taught them or the ones who went to FEDRA school. Which one are you?"
"My parents taught me."
"They still around?" Tess was direct and crude, which Joel appreciated for once. He didn't like to feel her observing, revealing gaze upon his own face, but in this case, her curious questions saved the two of them a lot of time.
"N-No…" Amy stammered, her eyes darting helplessly between Tess's left and right eye.
"Since when?"
"They died when I was six."
Six. That meant not a lot of stability for a young child. No surprise she was such an easy victim for Marlene to mold and forge to her liking. That woman was probably already growing a mini version of herself with that girl.
"How?"
"I'm really – " Amy started, grazing her teeth over her lip. She seemed anxious, maybe even on the verge of tears, but if she had expected Joel to save her, she couldn't have been more wrong.
"It's okay. You don't wanna talk about it, I got it."
Tess gently patted her shoulder, which caused a flinch to ripple through her spine.
How very interesting.
"That's the one."
Amy wheeled around so quickly she nearly lost her balance, then reverently eyed up the building. It did look glorious with the picturesque embellishments on the ledges, the detailed flourishes above the windows, which were surprisingly well intact. The door was open a crack, which made the woman carefully glance at Tess, then him.
"So we're going in?"
"Of course we're going in."
Joel adjusted the strap of the rifle so that the weapon hung behind his back and his hands were free to carry a gun and a flashlight. Quickly, Amy put her bag down, opened a zipper and pulled out a flashlight as well, which she turned on without saying a word.
Only then, realizing that Joel and Tess were both ready to enter the building, she halted and grimaced like something was going through her mind.
"What?" Joel barked without paying any attention to his impolite tone.
"Maybe you should give me a gun too?"
"No fucking way," he spat at once, making a determined step toward the door. When he noticed Tess's hesitation, he might have screamed the frustration out of his lungs had his friend not spoken up faster.
"Maybe she should…"
"No. Fucking. Way," he repeated harshly.
"Why not?" Tess asked.
"'Cause I'm not gonna hand a gun to this – this stubborn brat like it's candy."
"I'm 24. Stop treating me like a fucking child, Joel."
"Oh yeah? You don't wanna be treated like a child? Then you better start acting like an adult."
"I'm not the one acting like a pouty kid who's mad for some reason like I stole his favorite chocolate or something."
"Stop. Both of you." Tess stepped between them, jaw taut, though she radiated a certain tranquility with the way she drew a heavy breath and held herself.
"Fine. No gun for you, 'cause these are actually Joel's so it's not my choice to make. Sorry, kid."
"I'm not a kid. Stop calling me that."
Tess stared at her for a beat, taking in her chin jutted forward, her flashing eyes, her messy hair.
"Fine, okay. Amy."
"Quiet."
He could watch Amy's eyes widen in real time as her mind slowly processed, then categorized the noises she had just heard.
"What do we do?" she breathed, barely audible to Joel, and yet he raised his finger to hush her.
"We go upstairs," he decided for the whole group, ignoring Tess's half-hearted protests.
The staircase was shattered and gaped with cracks that one couldn't quite see when carefully taking one step after another, but would feel painfully when someone's foot got stuck.
"Look at the ground," Joel warned Amy, who was running her eyes up to the ceiling as though the biggest dangers were lurking within the mildew spreading across the walls. What was she thinking? And why did the most incapable person of all happen to be the one who was immune to the cordyceps? If Marlene's assumptions were right after all.
Joel took Amy by the arm for the last few feet across the corridor, then rudely shoved her inside the museum room.
"Act like one," he mouthed, referring to all the things that had poured out of him earlier, but the woman just clenched her teeth and rubbed her bicep where Joel had gripped her.
Everything was dark in here, except for the little dots their flashlights cast upon the ground. The place had once been an exhibition of reptiles and fish, but nowadays, the only thing hinting at it was the large skeleton in the center of the room, which once might have been the heart of the museum. Now, it just looked gruesome with the thick layer of dust upon it and the bones spread out across the parquet floor.
"Shit," Tess suddenly cursed, her flashlight dancing over the door they had just come through.
"What?"
"Did you hear that?"
Joel paused, listening to his own heartbeat rather than getting distracted by the crushed glass all over the floor. Fuck.
"Clicker," he panted and rapidly tried to take in as much as he could of the large hall, looking for cupboards to hide inside, glass cabinets they could break in order to send the infected the wrong way.
"What do we do, Joel?" Tess asked and raised her gun, knuckles turning white, and so did her face. Joel inhaled deeply, nostrils flaring. Then, he grabbed Amy by her arms once more, pushing her backward until her back met the wall behind her.
"We're gonna be silent now. Not quiet. Silent. You hear them?"
"Yes," she whispered, sheer terror etched into her features in a way that sent a cold shudder through Joel's body.
"Good. They can't see. But they can hear. You're gonna stick to Tess and me, move when we say it and stop when we say it. Clear?"
"Yes."
As Joel let go of her, her pupils grazed the gun in his hand. Perhaps it would have been wise to arm her as well, but there was no time for it.
The noises of the Clickers grew louder, indicating that they were moving in their direction. If there was something he had learned over the past years, it was that they heard every single needle drop, every single whisper, no matter if it was closer to a breath than spoken words. There was a chance Joel had already messed up by not keeping his voice down entirely.
A minute later, Joel, Tess and Amy were pressed against a glass cabinet, heads resting against it while two Clickers meandered past them. The air turned sharp and thin all of a sudden, though it might just have been his lungs working slower than they usually did.
Blunt fear had a firm hold on him, although Joel knew how counterproductive and harmful it was. Rather than helping him, it hindered his movements, slowed his pace and clouded his mind dangerously.
He took a small step forward once the Clickers had walked past them for the second time. All three of them crept along the case, their faces so close to the glass it fogged beneath their breaths.
Crack. Joel's muscles seized painfully, his stomach lurching. Then, everything happened very quickly.
The air, previously so still except for the quiet, rhythmical clicking of their opponents, was filled with ugly squealing and yelps. Keen-eared as they were, they immediately threw themselves against the glass cabinet, which gave way under their weight and shattered into a million sharp little pieces.
Joel gasped, Tess shrieked, and Amy? Joel didn't know. The next thing he knew, he was dashing toward the secondary exit on the third floor beside Amy, whom he pulled along with him. Of course, they didn't make it far — not that Joel would have left without Tess — and the taller of the Clickers appeared to their right.
The unnatural yell it let out didn't have the effect it had had on him years ago, which was why Joel's face remained stoic as he dragged Amy behind him to shield her while he shot the Clicker over and over again. Soon, the air smelled of gunfire and a strident tone was ringing in his ears, yet the infected still stood.
"C'mon," he barked in Amy's direction, but didn't give her a choice anyway as he ran in the opposite direction and tugged her with him.
Once they had crossed the entire length of the building, passing yellowed information boards and the rotten remnants of little benches, Joel led the two of them behind another cabinet.
He brought a finger to his lips, signaling Amy to stay silent while he closed his eyes. Joel could always hear better when his other senses were shut down. If only there wasn't that thick scent of smoke in his nose. Perhaps it came from Tess's pistol. He prayed it came from Tess, and that she had successfully defended herself against the other Clicker.
Shit, he should be there with her rather than dragging that bratty girl along with him, who would probably not even thank him for saving her.
There. Another sound.
Joel had no clue whether it was the Clicker they had just fled from, but the moment it was close enough for him to assess its exact position, he stepped out from behind the cabinet and blindly pulled the trigger. Again, and again, and again.
Then, finally, its dark frame crumpled and collapsed into a disfigured mess of angular limbs stretched in all directions. Joel delivered one more shot to its head, making sure it really was dead before he turned toward Amy, who was still crouching against the glass.
"C'mon," he whispered and tipped his head.
There were noises not far away, and he could only hope that the reason they soared through the air was that the Clicker was fighting for its life right now.
Joel's feet carried him quickly to the source of the squeals despite the heaviness in his bones that just wouldn't give him the needed strength. What should he expect? Ten years ago, he probably would have had the energy to kill five of those Clickers without the twitch of an eyelash, and now he felt his power fade after a single combat. Which hadn't even really been combat.
"Joel," Amy whispered, but his eyes remained strictly on the floor before him. Then, Joel's gaze finally fell upon the horrendous scene of Tess struggling beneath the weight of a Clicker even more bloodthirsty and mad than the one they had just encountered. He quickly put an end to it by shooting the infected through its head.
When Tess stood on both her feet again, wiping down her jacket in disgust, all three of them were panting heavily, sweat pooling at Joel's temple even though the danger was momentarily at bay.
"You okay?" he wanted to know, examining her body as well as he could.
"Yeah. Are you?"
"I think so. Yes."
He had stayed far enough away for the Clicker not to bury its teeth in his flesh, so he should be fine. If he wasn't wrong about the pain in his foot, he might have strained his ankle while bolting with Amy, but it was nothing that wouldn't heal neatly within a few days. Joel had gone through worse.
"You too?"
The girl who refused to be called a girl nodded lightly. "Yeah. Of course."
Of course. What a nice way to put it for someone who hadn't lifted a finger because she'd had the privilege of being taken care of by him.
"Good. Let's get out of here now. Before we get more visitors."
The light shining in his face was such a vast contrast to the darkness that had surrounded him for the past minutes that Joel briefly felt excitement bubble in his stomach, though he had no intention of feeling happy, let alone relieved that they had made their way out of the museum.
Now, they were on top of the roof of the neighboring building, a former office building or something of the sort. The only thing separating them from the Massachusetts State House now was the climb across a small wooden plank to the next building, a ladder leading down to the street and a mile south until they would reach the Firefly camp.
In other words, most of the tough shit was behind them. But before they would finish the journey across the abandoned city, Tess sat down to bandage her feet, while Amy stood a few feet away like a shadow.
"Go ahead," Joel shouted against the wind, which was a lot stronger up here than on the streets where the tall buildings sheltered them. "But don't fall off the plank."
"I'm not a fucking child," she yelled and didn't turn around again, confidently stepping onto the wood that was slightly arched after years exposed to wind, rain and the weight of many people who had used the small path to get to the other side of the city.
"Jesus… I wouldn't mind 'er fallin' down," Joel murmured and opened his bag to grab the bandage he had shoved into the depths of it.
When Tess didn't answer, he continued, babbling mindless things that had been in his head and that he hadn't been able to say out loud so far with Amy buzzing around them like a bee. He missed speaking freely the way he could when it was just him and her. He missed cracking a joke that probably wasn't funny to anyone else in the world, but after spending so much time with the same person, the two of them had developed their own very specific sense of humor, which was a mixture of morbid, malicious joy and nihilism.
"I can't believe Marlene's makin' us do this shit… What's gonna happen when they realize that it doesn't work, hm? Are we supposed to take 'er back to the QZ like two kindergarten teachers?"
"Can you shut up, Joel?" He flinched at her sharp voice, her eyes just two glimmering dark holes spitting fire at him.
"What – "
"Can you be hopeful for once in your life, Joel? Can you just maybe accept that there's a chance that this might work? Can you just – I don't know, dream for a second?"
"Tess, I…"
"No. Just – No. I can do this on my own. Go ahead. Make sure she doesn't fall off the roof."
He had no choice but to give in to her demands, handing her the bandage he had meant to wrap around her ankle so that his friend could rest her limbs for a moment. Joel was still unsettled as he rose to his feet, feeling his knees ache while he approached the wooden plank Amy had just successfully crossed.
Now, she was standing by the railing, letting her gaze wander over the city like she owned it. There was awe in the lines around her mouth, as well as respect.
"Well? What do you think?" he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
"It's beautiful."
The light made her hair look golden and her skin gleam. Perhaps it was the remnants of the sweat that had gathered on her brow, but either way, it had the same pretty effect.
Pretty. Joel wanted to laugh out loud but suppressed the noise at the last moment. Pretty was the last thing he wanted to think about while his eyes rested on that woman. Not just because she was almost thirty years younger than him, but just as much because of how much he despised her presence, her nagging tone, her way of snapping at Tess and him while they were carrying her through this goddamn mess and making sure that she was fine.
Most importantly, of course, he didn't like her because that was how Joel was. He didn't like people. He respected them, like he did Tess. He hated them, like he did Marlene. Or he worried about them, like he did about Tommy. Amy… he felt annoyed by, if anything. Most of all, the girl was too insignificant to waste another thought on.
"You ever seen a city like that?"
"No," she replied shortly, pulling up the zip of her jacket. It was a lot colder up here, or at least it felt like it given the wind brushing against Joel's knuckles.
He scrunched his nose, leaving it at that. He had asked out of curiosity, but he felt no desire to get to know her any better, which was why he regarded the stillness, the spooky peacefulness of the wild city in silence.
Joel had always felt moved by nature reclaiming what was rightfully hers in such a profound way. Plants and vines weaving their way around fire poles, whole eucalyptus trees growing on the rooftop of the former city hall as though they couldn't have cared less about the relevance the building had once held.
"Ready?" Tess had sneaked her way up to them quietly and now lifted her chin, beckoning the others to follow her to the ladder leading down to the street along the front of the red brick building they were on.
Ten minutes later, Joel's shoulders tensed.
It wasn't like he had been fully relaxed during their hike along the straight avenue guiding them to the building they had already spotted half an hour ago, but now, with the trucks clearly visible before him, he fastened the strap of the rifle around his torso.
Everything looked normal so far, at least what Joel expected a firefly camp to look like. But then, as the three of them stood in front of the building, he narrowed his eyes.
Something was off. It was… quiet. Too quiet for the base of the most prominent resistance group, which, according to Amy, had even been joined by scientists and doctors needed to make a cure.
"What the fuck's goin' on here…" Joel muttered, not bothering to part his teeth. His gaze flickered over the trucks, the tires, the door, and then he harshly opened the driver's door of the nearest one.
"Shit…"
A guy fell out at once, making Tess and Amy jolt backward. He had a gaping wound on his head, eyes hollow and dead.
"What happened here?" Amy breathed, even though there was no need to keep her voice down after what Tess did next.
The woman cursed at no one in particular, grabbed Amy by the bicep and dragged her across the forecourt, heading for the gate.
"Tess," Joel warned her, but she didn't seem to listen. She kicked the door open, which gave him no choice but to follow, though his heart thundered up his throat as he raised the rifle.
"Shit… Shit, shit."
Joel heard his friend's words before he was able to take in the scene himself. Dead bodies. Sprawled across the floor like someone had come in here solely to butcher everyone within the walls of the building. Blood was everywhere, coating the white marble in an ugly scarlet.
"No. This can't be – " Tess plunged forward and towered over a small desk in the next moment. She seemed so eager to find something among the countless sheets of paper and cards that she even forgot to pull Amy along, who looked deeply uncomfortable standing beside her.
"Who was that?" she asked, but Joel was too occupied catching up with Tess's hot-headed temper.
"Tess. C'mon, Tess, what are you doing? We need to get back."
"No!" she hissed, turning so suddenly Joel nearly stumbled backward. She looked feral, almost possessed by a higher power, with her eyes wide open and her lips compressed.
"We don't go back, Joel. We go on, we – " She paused, her eyes lingering on something to Joel's right.
A body. On the ground, laboriously dragging itself across the floor to — Joel understood why Tess had faltered too late to stop her. His brain was still processing, trying to grasp what had driven his friend to be so upset and panicky, which was why he only shifted his eyes from the nearly dead man when Tess was already in the middle of opening every single plastic tank the fireflies must have taken with them, using the back of the rifle Joel had set down on the floor.
"Tess!"
At first, she didn't react, busy tipping the gasoline tanks over so that the liquid could spread across the ground. What the hell was she doing? What the hell did she think –
"She's infected."
Joel's brow creased, eyes landing on Amy's face. He noticed an expression he had never seen on her before. There was pity, but why was there pity? What had she just said, Tess was… infected?
"What?" Joel chuckled drily, watching as Tess rushed across the space like a rabid rabbit. By now, everything smelled of gasoline, mixed with the scent of blood that still heavily clung to the air.
"She's infected. Aren't you, Tess?"
"Tess?"
It was Joel's voice that seemed to wake her from her trance. She didn't stop at once, but her movements slowed until her hand came to rest weakly on one of the tanks she had been just about to push over.
"It had to happen sooner or later, right?" she whispered, standing up and taking a small step. "We were running out of luck, Joel."
"Tess."
"I'm gonna blow this place up. That asshole called all his new friends by pulling at the goddamn string. But it doesn't matter now. It's — over."
Before he could answer, perhaps ask what the hell was going on and why she hadn't told him up there on the roof, Tess rushed forward, ignoring the flinch that went through Joel's body.
"Take her, Joel."
A muscle beside his mouth ticked.
"All the shit we have done, Joel. Make it right. Make up for some of it."
His teeth ground so hard they creaked under the force.
"Take her to Bill and Frank. They will take her and get her there safely. They'll know what to do. They got supplies, everything they're gonna need. They can take the car and drive her to the fireflies and maybe – " Tess's voice broke. "Maybe it's gonna work. It might work, Joel. Just – Think about it. Think about – "
The lines around Joel's eyes grew more distinct as he jerked back once more.
As though his body was acting on his mind's behalf, his hand enclosed Amy's bicep. Automatically, like a machine. His grip was steel-like, firm, like Joel had no intention of letting go any time soon.
"What are you – " Amy stumbled, her arm wriggling to free itself, but of course she didn't stand a chance.
"Let me go, what are you doing?"
Now, Amy's whole body was squirming, her free hand flailing to hit Joel somewhere, but he mercilessly dragged her along with him like a doll. He felt numb, he didn't feel anything at all.
Even Amy's shouts, her pleas to let her go, went past him.
He was aware that she was shrieking, but his brain was sealed inside a water bubble, causing her voice to come through muffled and distant. There was a chance Tess was saying something too, but he wouldn't have known.
He left the dead bodies behind. His vision was blurry now as well, head spinning like a washing machine. Maybe Amy was still fighting and writhing like she was possessed, Joel didn't know. He wouldn't have cared either way.
When he walked out of the door and left the building behind, something in his stomach churned. Something subtle, not quite painful, yet Joel was so profoundly aware of it that it nearly made him lose his mind, made him want to ram his nails into his stomach and scoop his organs out of his body.
When his senses started to perceive his surroundings more clearly again, the smell of gasoline making its way past his nostrils, Joel picked up his pace.
By the time they reached the nearby forest, he was running, and even Amy seemed to understand that in order to survive this day, she couldn't stay within close range of the building.
So she sprinted by his side, though Joel's hand didn't loosen its taut hold around her arm.
Contains: canon-typical violence, graphic violence, blood and injury, character death (Tess), infection/cordyceps, guns and shooting, swearing, age gap, morally grey characters, angst, hurt, panic, fighting
Wordcount: 10,341
Masterlist of this story
Masterlist
Joel shook his head. Briefly.
"No."
Tess's lips tightened, neck flexing as she eyed Joel's face like she was checking something.
"I said no, Tess."
"Joel."
God… he hated how she said his name as though he were nothing but a stupid, rabid fighting dog with not an ounce of intelligence in his head. As though she could whistle and put him back on his leash any time she wished.
"You seriously wanna get involved in some firefly shit? You, out of all people, are you fuckin' kiddin' me?"
His gaze landed on Marlene for another beat, how she ran a hand over her brow, making her look like she was physically suffering from Joel and Tess taking so long.
"It's our only shot." She emphasized every single word, eyes dark and face unreadable.
Then, before Joel could protest, Tess freed herself from his bruising grip around her bicep and stepped toward Marlene, the other woman, whose name Joel had forgotten, and… Amy. At least, that was the noise Joel had been able to identify when Marlene had hissed something in her direction.
"We're gonna do it."
"Tess," Joel uttered, making it sound like an insult, but she just ignored him. Again, Joel felt like an animal that was too insignificant to speak to directly.
"Great." Marlene's shoulders dropped, her eyes slowly wandering to the young woman standing against the wall like she was trying to get swallowed by it.
"But we're not gonna let her go before we get our supplies. I swear to god, we don't have any problem shooting her when it comes down to it."
"I don't doubt that, Tess."
Marlene didn't even look at his partner while saying that and just approached the woman, who looked smaller than she was, pressed against the rancid wall.
"You okay?"
She nodded, though she looked a little pale. There were deep dark circles underneath her eyes, her lips bloody like someone had hit her. Joel wasn't so sure whether she was actually okay, but he couldn't have cared less.
"Okay. You got this, alright? Joel and Tess are gonna get you to the camp safely, and… they're gonna know what to do next. Just trust them. Not Joel and Tess, the people in the camp."
Marlene softly patted her shoulders, then turned toward the two others at last.
"Please. Don't fuck this up, okay?" she whispered weakly, reminding Joel of the gaping wound at her shoulder. "This is important. We're gonna provide you all the fucking equipment that you need. Whatever you want, we're gonna get it. Just keep her safe. Please."
Joel questioned what Marlene was trying to achieve by pleading with them since she must have known that out of all people, Tess and he were the last people to fall for her begging. Still, the part about getting them whatever they needed stood out to him. Whatever Tess had in mind for that girl, it must be important to her. Which consequentially gave them power.
"We will. If you do your part."
With that, Tess stepped aside, thrusting out her arm to signal the woman to come forward.
"C'mon."
She truly looked like a frightened lamb, throwing Marlene one last glimpse of doubt, but she was met with something resembling pity.
Yeah, Joel wasn't surprised. If Marlene had had the time for it, she probably would have showered the girl with advice about being careful around him and Tess while simultaneously apologizing for sending her off with them. It was no secret how much Marlene resented Joel and his methods, but for now, she depended on him.
If the life of her little pet was important to her.
Soon, the three of them were walking down the streets, dawn starting to settle upon the city. In the daylight, she seemed even paler, although her posture was a little more straightened, which made her look a whole inch taller.
"What's your name?" Tess said in her direction, grasping the straps of her backpack tightly.
"Amy."
"Amy… How old are you, Amy?"
"24."
It sounded like an interrogation, one that Joel didn't want to take any part in. He was just waiting to talk to Tess privately in order to berate her for making such stupid choices without his agreement, but so far, no such opportunity had presented itself.
"That's the one," Tess hummed, pointing to their apartment building, which looked especially rotten and dilapidated in the beautiful golden light that had spread through the streets. Without the dirty sidewalks and the occasional dead body, the scenery would have been almost pretty.
"That one?" Amy asked, and for the first time, Joel could spot a new emotion on her face. It was… disgust?
"Are you not satisfied with that one?" Tess growled and determinedly pushed the door open, silently inviting her in, but it seemed like Amy wasn't done yet regarding the front.
"S'not gonna get any prettier," Joel grunted, addressing her directly for the first time.
"How long are we gonna stay here?"
"As long as it takes."
He followed Tess inside, then held the door open a crack as if to tell her that she had about two seconds before he would close it.
"As long as it takes to do what?"
She received no answer. Joel was too annoyed with this whole goddamn day, and it seemed like even Tess had enough of all this shit.
Their heavy boots stomped on the stairs, causing dry dirt to dissolve from the underside of each step and drizzle down, perhaps into Amy's face, given that she was so far behind them. She climbed the staircase slowly, provoking Joel to wonder what she was looking for in here. A rat that they had woken up with their loud noises bouncing off the high ceiling? An open apartment door to dash through in order to not be forced to stay with Joel and Tess?
"Sit down," was the next thing Tess said once the three of them had entered the sparse room.
"I don't wanna sit," Amy muttered and folded her arms in front of her chest. Perhaps she was trying to look cool and unbothered, not at all intimidated by the two people significantly older than herself, but she only mildly succeeded.
"Okay. You can also stand all night if that's what you prefer," Tess commented.
"How long are we gonna stay here?" Amy asked, voice hollow and distant like part of her had given up on her defiant behavior. Well, if that was the case, she really was easy to break.
"As long as it takes to get dark. C'mon, Joel."
Tess stood up from the armchair seconds after she had plopped into it, gesturing for Joel to follow her. The woman guided him to the door, which made Amy furrow her brow in confusion.
"Where are you going?"
"To talk. In private."
"Why? Shouldn't I know about it too?"
Tess placed a hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her back. "No. This is just between Joel and me. Just… I don't know, sit on the couch. Try to sleep a little. Or you can take something from the kitchen if you're hungry."
Joel could feel his insides brewing once more, thinking that Tess was treating her much too nicely already. All they were supposed to do was get that woman to a firefly camp, nothing else. If Marlene was the amazing, saintly protector she claimed to be, she surely must have equipped Amy with something to eat.
Amy reluctantly strode back to the couch, circling their worn armchair like a predator, but Joel didn't find out what she did next as Tess pulled him out to the corridor.
"Before you start speaking – " the woman began, but this time, Joel, the vicious dog that he was, snapped first.
"What the fuck? What do you think you're doing here, Tess?"
"Joel."
This stupid word again. Sometimes, Joel believed that his friend thought he was able to tame his demeanor just by rolling his name past her lips like some magic spell.
"What?" he hissed, keeping his voice down in case Amy was eavesdropping.
"As I said, it's our best shot. We wanna find Tommy, don't we?"
"Don't bullshit me, Tess. Of course, I wanna find Tommy. But I'm not gonna drag some brat across the country and do all the shit work for Marlene."
"Have you listened to her earlier?" Tess's jaw worked, her eyes hungry all of a sudden. "I don't know what's up with her but she's important to Marlene. Just think of the possibilities… We're gonna bring her to that camp, put a gun to her head and tell them that before we let her go, we want everything. All the stuff in the world. A loaded truck, weapons, ammunition, food, compasses, maps, everything. The fireflies might be fucking idiots, but they're useful. They're gonna be useful to us."
Of course, Tess was right, Joel had to admit. They had a lot more options and connections than Tess and he had, and normally, if they wanted something, they always knew a guy who could get it. But that wasn't the part bothering him.
"But this – this girl, what are we gonna do with her? What's up with her? Why is she so important to Marlene that she'd ask us for help? I mean, come on, you know Marlene. Asking us for help must be her worst fucking nightmare."
"I know. I know, Joel… I have no fucking idea. But does it matter? I don't care about Marlene's motives."
Joel chewed on his tongue, casting Tess a skeptical glance.
"And… what if she's dangerous?"
"You think she's dangerous?" Tess laughed so loudly that Joel nearly hushed her.
"No I mean… Takin' 'er with us. What if… I don't know, there are dangerous people comin' after her?"
"Then we're gonna give 'er to them. It's easy, isn't it? We got nothing to lose, do we? If this mission fails, we're just gonna get back and find a new way to get a truck."
"You're makin' this sound really easy, Tess," Joel laughed humorlessly, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. "We're talkin' about smugglin' 'er out of the QZ. We can't just turn around and head back if something feels off."
"Relax, Joel, okay?" Tess sighed, nodding slowly as though to convince herself that everything was going to be fine. If only Joel could believe it the way she did.
"We're gonna find a way if that happens. We always find a way, don't we?"
To say that he was unsatisfied with her response to his concerns would have been an understatement.
But just as it was typical for her, Tess patted her hand on his shoulder, her attention already on something else, as he could see it in her eyes.
"I'm gonna meet Derek, get some more food for the road. But I'll head straight back when it's dark enough."
"Jesus, Tess…"
He threw his head back, chin jutted forward.
"What?"
"Nothin'…"
Yeah, in that moment, he kind of did feel like her dog, her good pet that bit when she commanded, backed off when she told him to and kept his drooling mouth shut when she demanded silence.
When Joel opened the door again, he had no idea whatsoever what to expect. He wouldn't have been surprised to see Amy climb out of the window, raid their kitchen or sleep soundly on the couch.
But no, he was spared all of it and just took in her slouched frame on the armchair.
At the noise of the door falling shut, she turned around, her eyes finding him in the dark and assessing whether Tess was right behind him. When she realized that Joel was alone, she rose to her feet, straightening up in front of him as though she were bracing herself for a fight.
"What happened? Are we gonna go?"
"No," was all he felt strong enough to bark, and let himself fall back into the cushions of the couch, which were soiled with cigarette stains, dirt and things that he didn't even want to identify. Not knowing what his only pair of jeans touched was better than feeling disgusted by it. Even though nowadays, it took a whole lot more than some rat shit to upset his stomach.
"Why not?" Amy's eyes followed him like lightbulbs in the darkness. Joel could have turned on the light, but for one, he didn't want her to think that he was keen to have a conversation with her, and secondly, he felt like perhaps getting an hour of sleep before they would move out of the QZ.
"'Cause we're gonna wait until it's dark outside. And the rain gets heavier."
"Why?"
"You ask a hell lotta questions."
Joel laid down sideways, head on the armrest and arms folded in front of his chest.
"I wanna know what's gonna happen. I think that's not so unusual."
Although everything inside him refused to spare her another glance, let alone waste his time speaking to this random girl, Joel sighed, thinking that his chances of getting some sleep would be higher if he managed to answer her questions and therefore shut her running mouth up.
"Rain's gonna cover us. Darkness too."
"Where's Tess?"
"Oh you picked up her name already…" Joel chuckled lowly. "Don't get too attached. She bites."
His eyes were closed, which was why he couldn't see Amy's reaction to his words.
"I know your name too. Joel."
"Congratulations."
His thoughts began to drift off, sleep washing over him, which made him slowly start to forget all about Amy in the chair next to him. He hadn't felt very tired before, but now that his body was resting comfortably, sore limbs eased away, the exhaustion became almost intolerable and he might just –
"What's this?" Joel's left eye opened at her nagging tone. Amy was pointing at his radio like it was a spaceship or some hypermodern capsule to teleport someone somewhere else.
"None of your business."
"Why are you so rude?"
He almost laughed, if he hadn't felt that rage roiling within his abdomen. Rude, well that was an appropriate term for him, wasn't it?
"Why can't you shut your damn mouth for a moment?"
He paused, waiting for another clapback from her, but when she lay back in the armchair, she looked like she was sulking.
"What's the deal with ya, hm? What does Marlene want with you?"
Amy pulled her knees up to her chest, arms tightly draped around them as though to protect herself from an invisible force in the room with them. Or, and Joel deemed that as more likely, from him.
"None of your business."
"You're a smartass, aren't ya? You think you can make your way through this shit by coming up with bratty replies and playin' the tough one."
He might have added something, just to scare that girl a little more. She surely wasn't half as tenacious as she pretended to be, given that every now and then, a light glint flashed in her eyes. Not one that broadcasted ruthlessness or anger but rather… uncertainty. Fear, perhaps. But in that moment, the door flew open and Joel didn't even have to turn around to know that it was Tess.
"The air in here is shitty," she barked and dropped into a chair like she hadn't seen sleep in days. Joel's attention shifted toward her in an instant, the fact that she was back so soon troubling him.
"What happened?"
"Asshole was gone. The door was locked."
"What does the rain look like?"
Tess shrugged, her gaze trailing off toward Amy who was still curled into a ball.
"Not great, but we're gonna have to do it anyway."
"Why tonight?"
Before Joel could snort in annoyance at another one of her irritating questions, Tess took the reins and approached her. "Has Marlene told you anything at all?"
"Funny coming from you," Amy spat, teeth grinding like she was an animal about to rip apart its prey.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You have no idea what's going on here. We could trade. Information, you know? You tell me about your plan, that radio and – and what the fuck you're doing and I'm gonna tell you about what Marlene wants."
"Not happening," Joel grunted and slowly rose to his feet.
Tess's eyes lingered on his face a little longer than necessary, assessing whether to add something, and figuring that the deal was sensible before she tilted her head toward Amy's bag.
"Get your stuff. We're leaving."
Rain was slamming into Joel's face, obstructing his view in a way that made him unable to see anything apart from the dark outlines of the tall buildings to his left and right, but once he accepted the fact that he would be soaked to his bones by the time they reached the fence, there was something clean and purifying about the drops running down his cheeks.
Tess led the way as always, only that this time, Amy was walking between them, sometimes struggling to keep up with Tess's fast pace since she seemed quite busy observing the houses around her.
Weird, Joel thought. Has she never been to Boston before? Goddamnit, where had Marlene found this girl? Had she picked her up from some gutter and found out that she had super powers that would defeat FEDRA?
Getting out of the QZ was an easy task given that Joel and Tess had sneaked their way out of the area a million times before, smuggling stuff in and out. Mostly drugs, of course. Tonight, it was nearly embarrassingly easy, considering that the soldiers had their hands full with the attacks the fireflies had planned all across the city just to distract them enough for three people to quietly slip out of the QZ.
A whole resistance group using up their supplies to plant useless bombs in different corners of the town. Just for a single girl. Marlene must have lost her mind.
But at least, it made everything a lot easier for Joel and Tess, who felt almost ridiculous shushing Amy at every given moment when she bumped into the fence or asked a question into the silence. The night was so quiet, he might as well have shouted his friend's name, and he wouldn't have gotten a reaction except for the wind carrying his words back to him.
"Which direction?" Amy was just asking when suddenly, a loud voice cut through the air.
"You must be fucking joking."
All three of them wheeled around, Amy's eyes widening in shock while Joel could only exhale with restrained fury.
Commandant fucking McConney. The guy he had sold drugs to earlier in exchange for cigarettes.
"I told you to stay inside, didn't I?" he growled, thrusting his rifle forward. "Hands up, right now. This is gonna be bad, guys… This is gonna be really fucking bad. Outside the QZ after curfew. You know what the punishment for that is, don't you?"
Tess let out a strangled groan, though she reluctantly raised her hands, gesturing for Amy to do the same.
"C'mon, man… We got lots of stuff. Ammo, food…"
"Ammo? Food? I'm FEDRA, you fucking morons. The only thing you can give me is your lives. Hands up."
Joel obeyed as well, even though his blood was throbbing in his veins, keeping him on high alert. He would have to talk to this guy. He knew him, he was a corrupt, impressionable man who easily bent the rules for his own benefit. Otherwise, why would he have traded with Joel, sometimes even giving out sensitive information for a couple of pills?
When McConney pulled out an infection scanner, Joel rolled his eyes and let out an inaudible scoff.
"Seriously?"
"Yep. We're doing this by the book."
"What, did they give you a promotion? Did it remind you of your fuckin' morals?" Joel knew that he was playing with fire provoking the man while he was obviously the one in power, but his own frustration over getting caught by this dumbass of all people outweighed every sense of survival instinct.
"Shut your mouth or I'm gonna shoot you right now."
After he was done with Joel, Amy was next. She stood surprisingly still, considering that all three of them were in big trouble, but then suddenly, she stirred.
At first, Joel thought she was just shifting her weight to her other foot, but when she let out a guttural snarl and threw herself at him, Joel's body jolted.
"Fucking bitch!" McConney exclaimed after his howl of pain, hinting that Amy might have hit him on his ankle. With what? Had Marlene equipped her with weapons?
Everything happened fast, the soldier grabbing the young woman by the bicep and dragging her backward until she fell down on her backside.
"You stupid bitch. You know that you just got yourself and your friends killed?"
"Don't."
Joel took one step to the side, shielding Amy from McConney's view. The man narrowed his eyes.
"Arms. Up."
"You don't wanna do this."
The bright light of the flashlight attached to his rifle stung his eyes painfully.
Without realizing it, Joel's pupils dilated, his teeth meeting ever so subtly it probably escaped McConney's notice.
His vision blurred, and this time, the rain wasn't at fault.
Suddenly, the picture before him shattered into fragments, some of them showing scenes that had happened a long time ago. Twenty long years ago.
They had a similar eye color. Joel remembered that hazel brown too well not to notice it.
And both shared that specific look, those lifted eyebrows and that twinkle around their pupils that resembled pity.
Perhaps it was their way of redeeming themselves from the evil crime they were about to commit by showing that they were not utterly unbothered by it.
Joel's heart skipped a beat, a high squealing note in his ears. Then, everything around him turned red, and a beat later, Joel was wrestling the soldier to the ground, panting heavily while his fists crashed into the guy's face over and over.
Blood splashed to all sides, teeth broke, but at least his victim couldn't keep up his cursing and whimpering for long. Joel had no idea how long he had been beating and disfiguring the soldier's face, but based on the silence that spread the moment he stopped, he assumed it had been long overdue.
His breathing was still labored and uneven, his body trembling as he straightened up.
Joel turned slowly, eyes streaking over Tess who was chewing on her bottom lip, emitting a mixture of accusation and begrudging concession.
Then there was Amy. She was still sitting on the ground, hands flat at her sides and eyes round. She relentlessly moistened her dry, brittle lips with her tongue until she realized that there was no use trying. Was she scared? Of him or of what she had just witnessed?
"Let's go. We gotta move," Tess commanded and picked up the dead soldier's rifle, sparing him no more than one last compassionate glance. "Poor guy. He was a rule-follower."
Joel didn't possess the energy it would have taken to tell her what a loser he had been.
"You okay?" Tess said in Amy's direction, offering her her hand.
"Y-Yes." The stammering and faint tremble of her voice didn't escape Joel, and neither did it seem to escape Tess.
"I'm sorry, but if Marlene told you that this would be a pleasant trip, she told you a fairytale."
"I'm okay," she whispered, grabbing Tess's hand at last, which helped her get to her feet.
"What the fuck."
Joel froze mid-motion. He had been about to take the rifle from Tess's hand, but the sound of her voice, her eyes blown wide with horror, made him whirl around and instinctively reach for his holster. Then, he saw it. The cordyceps scanner. The red it showed pierced through his irises aggressively, causing his head to spin and his throat to dry up.
"No. No, no, no, I can explain," Amy stuttered, her voice louder than it had ever been before.
"Don't move, goddamnit!" Joel shouted and angled the rifle's tip toward her. She immediately jerked backward, protectively raising her hands as if to calm an upset animal.
"Don't shoot. I swear, I can explain, I – I'm not infected. Please, you have to – "
"Oh yeah? You're tryna tell me that the machine's lying?" Tess exclaimed and took her place next to Joel, glaring down at her like she were venom.
"No, I – Yes, I have the virus inside me, but it's not spreading. It's dead. I'm immune."
While Tess softly hissed out through her clenched teeth, Joel laughed drily, tightening his grasp around the weapon.
"We have to shoot her right now." He shifted his weight between his feet, his eyes scurrying over her frame, scared to lose her in the darkness.
"No!" Amy choked out, taking a step back as if putting distance between herself and him would save her in case he pulled the trigger.
"Look. Look at my arm. I got bit two weeks ago. And nothing happened, please – just – "
Tess groaned as if she were in physical pain, rubbing her palm over her brow.
"We gotta move. Right now. C'mon."
"What, you wanna – "
"Now!"
Loud noises gushed from the fence. It seemed like they weren't the only ones who knew about McConney's death by now, chattering and agitated clamoring soaring through the air. Joel was driven by his hot temper, but he was not stupid enough to continue this discussion here.
"Let's go," he grumbled, not looking back for once as the three of them headed in the opposite direction of the QZ.
"Don't fucking move."
Tess lightly tilted her head to the side as if that angle would allow her more insight into her opposite's nature.
"What do you expect? You think I'm gonna turn into a monster any second? I told you I- "
"Well, we don't care about what you told us," Joel threw in and stood up, only to realize that there was absolutely no reason for it. So, he just rubbed his hands clean on his jeans, observing her precisely like the answer could be found in her face.
Perhaps he could spot early signs of an infection in her fluttering lashes or frantically moving pupils. But no, Amy seemed at ease. Except for the wrinkles upon her forehead, of course.
"Don't move an inch or we're gonna take it as a sign that you're infected, and we'll shoot you."
"What?" Tess lowered her gun slightly, still enough for Joel to raise the rifle. One of them should be ready to pull the trigger in case Amy made a sudden move.
"I promised Marlene not to tell anyone."
"That you're immune?" Joel scoffed, his grin broad but definitely not genuine.
"Yes, dumbass. I'm immune."
"Are you joking? Out of all the stupid stories you could've come up with, you pick this one? Immunity?"
Amy creaked, her elbows resting on her knees as she buried her face in her hands, threading through her hair.
"I know it's hard to believe. But I – I got bit two weeks ago. Of course, I expected to turn within the next few hours. But it didn't happen. Not in the first hours, not in the first days. Then I… I met Marlene, okay? Don't ask me how. And she – she came up with this stupid idea that I might be… you know. I was not convinced at first, I promise you that, but I stayed healthy. And the virus doesn't spread. You wanna see?"
Amy lifted her hand, provoking Joel's finger to ghost over the trigger.
"I said stay where you are."
"Jesus Christ… I just want to show you the bite mark. Why don't you two try to be a bit more practical and less stubborn? This psycho can continue to point the rifle at me while you check. Please. Look at it yourself."
She gave Tess a pleading look, all doe-eyed and innocent, and even before his friend had pushed herself up, Joel had already been able to tell that Amy's methods worked on her.
"Show me. But any sudden movements, and he shoots."
"I know. I know, jesus."
Joel couldn't see a lot from his point of view, but he was certain that for his taste, Tess spent much too long examining Amy's bite wound from all sides.
"Well? Tess?"
His friend didn't reply, which drove Joel near insanity.
"Tess," he hissed, his muscles coiling with heat when she dropped Amy's arm and walked back to the empty beer crates Joel and she had pulled up to sit on during their interrogation. Meanwhile, the young woman had to sit on the floor, cross-legged and clearly gripped by the fear that Joel was seconds away from landing a bullet in her chest.
"Looks good," Tess finally spoke, though her answer was not to his satisfaction at all. He had expected her to give him the green light to get this problem out of the world once and for all. But not this.
"What do you mean looks good?"
"I mean… it hasn't spread. Like she said."
Joel took a well-measured breath that only served to ground his thundering heartbeat, which fit well with the storm rioting in his brain, sweeping out every intelligent thought like an aggressive gust of wind.
"What, you're telling me you believe her?" Joel spat, and didn't care about not having this conversation with Tess in a private space. Amy should know all these things, how he felt about her and how much he wished they could resume their travels without her.
"No, I mean… I don't know, I just think that she's right about it… not spreading in her body. Or at least it looks like it."
"Of course it hasn't. Shit, you think Marlene would start a whole big ass distraction just to get someone out of the city who's about to turn any second?" Amy abruptly pulled her hand away, prompting Tess to drop her arm like she had burned herself.
"What does Marlene want with you," Joel asked, though it didn't sound like a question. His voice was low, dangerous and deliberate.
"Can't you guess?" She straightened up again, trying to make herself look as tall as possible sitting on the floor.
"No. And if I were you, I wouldn't try to be a smartass. Talk. I'm not scared of pulling the trigger. Now, what does Marlene want with you?"
Tess moved to the side a little as if to get out of the danger zone in case Joel decided to follow through and pull the trigger.
"She wants to make a cure," Amy sighed and bit down on her bottom lip, her face drawn like everything inside her refused to spell it out. "The fireflies have a bunch of doctors who are waiting in that camp. Marlene wants to help me get there so that they can take blood and find out what exactly in my body is different from everyone else."
"You gotta be shittin' me…" Joel growled, throwing down the rifle just because he had to move. His head was aching like someone had just bumped it against a wall, his stomach twisting with an indescribable anger.
No… it was pretty unambiguous, actually. He had just wasted his time, risked his life to get an infected brat out of the QZ, who might attack Tess and him in the next hours. All that just for a truck they should have stolen from someone else rather than doing Marlene's dirty work. No wonder she had asked the two of them instead of dragging along a stubborn girl who wasn't just rude and obnoxious but also infected.
"I'm serious," Amy quickly stated, rising to her feet, which made Tess step away from her.
"Oh my god, I'm not infected, okay? I haven't turned and I was bit two weeks ago. I promise. Why should I make this shit up?"
"So that we don't shoot you! Goddamnit, stay where you are. And put your fucking hands up." Joel grabbed the rifle again, his finger hovering an inch above the trigger. Frightened, Amy obeyed, though her glossy eyes were begging him to believe her ridiculous tale.
"Please. Tess."
"Tess is not gonna help you, kiddo. I got the rifle."
"Joel."
He wanted to scream.
"She's infected, Tess. You're not seriously considering – "
His eyes briefly flicked toward his friend who was walking back to take her place next to him.
"Just don't shoot. Wait. She is right, okay? The wound's not fresh and it's not spreading."
"Yeah, because she's lucky. Maybe she's got a day more, two tops. But she ain't gonna live."
Amy forcefully pushed her bag to the ground, then approached Joel with two determined strides.
"See for yourself," she hissed through clenched teeth, yanking up her sleeve to uncover her forearm.
There was a bite mark. Unquestionably from human teeth. It hadn't properly healed but it didn't look too fresh either. Her flesh was bulging, little lines running across her arm in irregular patterns like he had seen a million times before in the faces of the monsters he had faced in combat, but these lines… they looked done. Defeated. Joel didn't enjoy the sight in the slightest.
"Get your fucking hand away," Joel cursed and pushed against her wrist with the end of the weapon.
"I'm not gonna turn. Why do you think Marlene would've done all of this?"
"Because she's a fucking idiot. An optimist, a dreamer. Tess, you heard that story too. That cure that's gonna save us all, that's gonna fix the world and turn everything back to the way it was before. I fucking heard that tale before. It's not gonna happen, and it's about time those goddamn fireflies accepted it!" Joel gasped for air, his lungs burning terribly. His voice had sounded gruff and dark.
At least, that was what he had believed the moment after he was done.
A day later, as he wandered along the highway heading to the university, Joel wondered if he might have been wrong. Because if his tone had carried that dominance, that urgency, why had he lost the fight against Tess?
He couldn't even entirely remember how she had persuaded him not to shoot Amy on the spot but instead take her along toward the firefly camp like they had promised Marlene, but here he was now. His rifle pointing toward the houses standing tall beside them rather than at Amy, who was walking a few steps ahead next to Tess.
He faintly remembered Tess's steel eyes peering right through him while her mouth moved. The content of her words was lost on him… maybe something about carrying a little bit of hope? Something about it being worth a shot? The immense reward they were going to get for this?
"How did you get infected?" he heard Tess's voice in that moment, his ears sharpening. He didn't really care to learn that much about that woman, but even Joel, who had felt confused by some parts of her behavior, liked to know where she had been.
"That's a very long story…" Amy uttered, forcing Joel to pick up his pace just a little so that he was close enough to catch her quiet voice.
"C'mon. Tell me."
"Do I have to?"
A throaty chuckle spilled from Tess's lips, her hands moving to her front pockets. "What do you mean? You're asking if we're gonna leave you here by the highway if you don't tell us?"
"Maybe…" Amy whispered, head lowered.
"No. It's okay. Doesn't matter really, does it?"
Whereas Amy looked relieved by Tess's words, Joel was disappointed, a little mad even. Not only did his friend sound much too amicable with that stranger already, but he also would have liked to hear the answer to her question to get a rough picture of what kind of person she was. Whether she was the kind of woman who brought trouble.
"So, you were born before the outbreak, right?" Tess lazily kicked a stone away while Amy held onto the straps of her backpack.
"Yes. But just a few years before. I barely remember anything."
"Jesus… That's really insane. You know, it's weird to see a kid on the street and know that they haven't seen what the world was like before the outbreak, but it's even stranger to talk to a damn adult who has no idea. We're getting old, Joel."
Tess turned around, causing Amy's eyes to land on him as well. Hostility and... suspicion flared in her pupils, if his judgment was correct.
"My parents told me about some of it… And I read books."
"You can read?" Tess sneered, nodding approvingly. "Most of the kids today can't. Only the ones whose parents taught them or the ones who went to FEDRA school. Which one are you?"
"My parents taught me."
"They still around?" Tess was direct and crude, which Joel appreciated for once. He didn't like to feel her observing, revealing gaze upon his own face, but in this case, her curious questions saved the two of them a lot of time.
"N-No…" Amy stammered, her eyes darting helplessly between Tess's left and right eye.
"Since when?"
"They died when I was six."
Six. That meant not a lot of stability for a young child. No surprise she was such an easy victim for Marlene to mold and forge to her liking. That woman was probably already growing a mini version of herself with that girl.
"How?"
"I'm really – " Amy started, grazing her teeth over her lip. She seemed anxious, maybe even on the verge of tears, but if she had expected Joel to save her, she couldn't have been more wrong.
"It's okay. You don't wanna talk about it, I got it."
Tess gently patted her shoulder, which caused a flinch to ripple through her spine.
How very interesting.
"That's the one."
Amy wheeled around so quickly she nearly lost her balance, then reverently eyed up the building. It did look glorious with the picturesque embellishments on the ledges, the detailed flourishes above the windows, which were surprisingly well intact. The door was open a crack, which made the woman carefully glance at Tess, then him.
"So we're going in?"
"Of course we're going in."
Joel adjusted the strap of the rifle so that the weapon hung behind his back and his hands were free to carry a gun and a flashlight. Quickly, Amy put her bag down, opened a zipper and pulled out a flashlight as well, which she turned on without saying a word.
Only then, realizing that Joel and Tess were both ready to enter the building, she halted and grimaced like something was going through her mind.
"What?" Joel barked without paying any attention to his impolite tone.
"Maybe you should give me a gun too?"
"No fucking way," he spat at once, making a determined step toward the door. When he noticed Tess's hesitation, he might have screamed the frustration out of his lungs had his friend not spoken up faster.
"Maybe she should…"
"No. Fucking. Way," he repeated harshly.
"Why not?" Tess asked.
"'Cause I'm not gonna hand a gun to this – this stubborn brat like it's candy."
"I'm 24. Stop treating me like a fucking child, Joel."
"Oh yeah? You don't wanna be treated like a child? Then you better start acting like an adult."
"I'm not the one acting like a pouty kid who's mad for some reason like I stole his favorite chocolate or something."
"Stop. Both of you." Tess stepped between them, jaw taut, though she radiated a certain tranquility with the way she drew a heavy breath and held herself.
"Fine. No gun for you, 'cause these are actually Joel's so it's not my choice to make. Sorry, kid."
"I'm not a kid. Stop calling me that."
Tess stared at her for a beat, taking in her chin jutted forward, her flashing eyes, her messy hair.
"Fine, okay. Amy."
"Quiet."
He could watch Amy's eyes widen in real time as her mind slowly processed, then categorized the noises she had just heard.
"What do we do?" she breathed, barely audible to Joel, and yet he raised his finger to hush her.
"We go upstairs," he decided for the whole group, ignoring Tess's half-hearted protests.
The staircase was shattered and gaped with cracks that one couldn't quite see when carefully taking one step after another, but would feel painfully when someone's foot got stuck.
"Look at the ground," Joel warned Amy, who was running her eyes up to the ceiling as though the biggest dangers were lurking within the mildew spreading across the walls. What was she thinking? And why did the most incapable person of all happen to be the one who was immune to the cordyceps? If Marlene's assumptions were right after all.
Joel took Amy by the arm for the last few feet across the corridor, then rudely shoved her inside the museum room.
"Act like one," he mouthed, referring to all the things that had poured out of him earlier, but the woman just clenched her teeth and rubbed her bicep where Joel had gripped her.
Everything was dark in here, except for the little dots their flashlights cast upon the ground. The place had once been an exhibition of reptiles and fish, but nowadays, the only thing hinting at it was the large skeleton in the center of the room, which once might have been the heart of the museum. Now, it just looked gruesome with the thick layer of dust upon it and the bones spread out across the parquet floor.
"Shit," Tess suddenly cursed, her flashlight dancing over the door they had just come through.
"What?"
"Did you hear that?"
Joel paused, listening to his own heartbeat rather than getting distracted by the crushed glass all over the floor. Fuck.
"Clicker," he panted and rapidly tried to take in as much as he could of the large hall, looking for cupboards to hide inside, glass cabinets they could break in order to send the infected the wrong way.
"What do we do, Joel?" Tess asked and raised her gun, knuckles turning white, and so did her face. Joel inhaled deeply, nostrils flaring. Then, he grabbed Amy by her arms once more, pushing her backward until her back met the wall behind her.
"We're gonna be silent now. Not quiet. Silent. You hear them?"
"Yes," she whispered, sheer terror etched into her features in a way that sent a cold shudder through Joel's body.
"Good. They can't see. But they can hear. You're gonna stick to Tess and me, move when we say it and stop when we say it. Clear?"
"Yes."
As Joel let go of her, her pupils grazed the gun in his hand. Perhaps it would have been wise to arm her as well, but there was no time for it.
The noises of the Clickers grew louder, indicating that they were moving in their direction. If there was something he had learned over the past years, it was that they heard every single needle drop, every single whisper, no matter if it was closer to a breath than spoken words. There was a chance Joel had already messed up by not keeping his voice down entirely.
A minute later, Joel, Tess and Amy were pressed against a glass cabinet, heads resting against it while two Clickers meandered past them. The air turned sharp and thin all of a sudden, though it might just have been his lungs working slower than they usually did.
Blunt fear had a firm hold on him, although Joel knew how counterproductive and harmful it was. Rather than helping him, it hindered his movements, slowed his pace and clouded his mind dangerously.
He took a small step forward once the Clickers had walked past them for the second time. All three of them crept along the case, their faces so close to the glass it fogged beneath their breaths.
Crack. Joel's muscles seized painfully, his stomach lurching. Then, everything happened very quickly.
The air, previously so still except for the quiet, rhythmical clicking of their opponents, was filled with ugly squealing and yelps. Keen-eared as they were, they immediately threw themselves against the glass cabinet, which gave way under their weight and shattered into a million sharp little pieces.
Joel gasped, Tess shrieked, and Amy? Joel didn't know. The next thing he knew, he was dashing toward the secondary exit on the third floor beside Amy, whom he pulled along with him. Of course, they didn't make it far — not that Joel would have left without Tess — and the taller of the Clickers appeared to their right.
The unnatural yell it let out didn't have the effect it had had on him years ago, which was why Joel's face remained stoic as he dragged Amy behind him to shield her while he shot the Clicker over and over again. Soon, the air smelled of gunfire and a strident tone was ringing in his ears, yet the infected still stood.
"C'mon," he barked in Amy's direction, but didn't give her a choice anyway as he ran in the opposite direction and tugged her with him.
Once they had crossed the entire length of the building, passing yellowed information boards and the rotten remnants of little benches, Joel led the two of them behind another cabinet.
He brought a finger to his lips, signaling Amy to stay silent while he closed his eyes. Joel could always hear better when his other senses were shut down. If only there wasn't that thick scent of smoke in his nose. Perhaps it came from Tess's pistol. He prayed it came from Tess, and that she had successfully defended herself against the other Clicker.
Shit, he should be there with her rather than dragging that bratty girl along with him, who would probably not even thank him for saving her.
There. Another sound.
Joel had no clue whether it was the Clicker they had just fled from, but the moment it was close enough for him to assess its exact position, he stepped out from behind the cabinet and blindly pulled the trigger. Again, and again, and again.
Then, finally, its dark frame crumpled and collapsed into a disfigured mess of angular limbs stretched in all directions. Joel delivered one more shot to its head, making sure it really was dead before he turned toward Amy, who was still crouching against the glass.
"C'mon," he whispered and tipped his head.
There were noises not far away, and he could only hope that the reason they soared through the air was that the Clicker was fighting for its life right now.
Joel's feet carried him quickly to the source of the squeals despite the heaviness in his bones that just wouldn't give him the needed strength. What should he expect? Ten years ago, he probably would have had the energy to kill five of those Clickers without the twitch of an eyelash, and now he felt his power fade after a single combat. Which hadn't even really been combat.
"Joel," Amy whispered, but his eyes remained strictly on the floor before him. Then, Joel's gaze finally fell upon the horrendous scene of Tess struggling beneath the weight of a Clicker even more bloodthirsty and mad than the one they had just encountered. He quickly put an end to it by shooting the infected through its head.
When Tess stood on both her feet again, wiping down her jacket in disgust, all three of them were panting heavily, sweat pooling at Joel's temple even though the danger was momentarily at bay.
"You okay?" he wanted to know, examining her body as well as he could.
"Yeah. Are you?"
"I think so. Yes."
He had stayed far enough away for the Clicker not to bury its teeth in his flesh, so he should be fine. If he wasn't wrong about the pain in his foot, he might have strained his ankle while bolting with Amy, but it was nothing that wouldn't heal neatly within a few days. Joel had gone through worse.
"You too?"
The girl who refused to be called a girl nodded lightly. "Yeah. Of course."
Of course. What a nice way to put it for someone who hadn't lifted a finger because she'd had the privilege of being taken care of by him.
"Good. Let's get out of here now. Before we get more visitors."
The light shining in his face was such a vast contrast to the darkness that had surrounded him for the past minutes that Joel briefly felt excitement bubble in his stomach, though he had no intention of feeling happy, let alone relieved that they had made their way out of the museum.
Now, they were on top of the roof of the neighboring building, a former office building or something of the sort. The only thing separating them from the Massachusetts State House now was the climb across a small wooden plank to the next building, a ladder leading down to the street and a mile south until they would reach the Firefly camp.
In other words, most of the tough shit was behind them. But before they would finish the journey across the abandoned city, Tess sat down to bandage her feet, while Amy stood a few feet away like a shadow.
"Go ahead," Joel shouted against the wind, which was a lot stronger up here than on the streets where the tall buildings sheltered them. "But don't fall off the plank."
"I'm not a fucking child," she yelled and didn't turn around again, confidently stepping onto the wood that was slightly arched after years exposed to wind, rain and the weight of many people who had used the small path to get to the other side of the city.
"Jesus… I wouldn't mind 'er fallin' down," Joel murmured and opened his bag to grab the bandage he had shoved into the depths of it.
When Tess didn't answer, he continued, babbling mindless things that had been in his head and that he hadn't been able to say out loud so far with Amy buzzing around them like a bee. He missed speaking freely the way he could when it was just him and her. He missed cracking a joke that probably wasn't funny to anyone else in the world, but after spending so much time with the same person, the two of them had developed their own very specific sense of humor, which was a mixture of morbid, malicious joy and nihilism.
"I can't believe Marlene's makin' us do this shit… What's gonna happen when they realize that it doesn't work, hm? Are we supposed to take 'er back to the QZ like two kindergarten teachers?"
"Can you shut up, Joel?" He flinched at her sharp voice, her eyes just two glimmering dark holes spitting fire at him.
"What – "
"Can you be hopeful for once in your life, Joel? Can you just maybe accept that there's a chance that this might work? Can you just – I don't know, dream for a second?"
"Tess, I…"
"No. Just – No. I can do this on my own. Go ahead. Make sure she doesn't fall off the roof."
He had no choice but to give in to her demands, handing her the bandage he had meant to wrap around her ankle so that his friend could rest her limbs for a moment. Joel was still unsettled as he rose to his feet, feeling his knees ache while he approached the wooden plank Amy had just successfully crossed.
Now, she was standing by the railing, letting her gaze wander over the city like she owned it. There was awe in the lines around her mouth, as well as respect.
"Well? What do you think?" he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
"It's beautiful."
The light made her hair look golden and her skin gleam. Perhaps it was the remnants of the sweat that had gathered on her brow, but either way, it had the same pretty effect.
Pretty. Joel wanted to laugh out loud but suppressed the noise at the last moment. Pretty was the last thing he wanted to think about while his eyes rested on that woman. Not just because she was almost thirty years younger than him, but just as much because of how much he despised her presence, her nagging tone, her way of snapping at Tess and him while they were carrying her through this goddamn mess and making sure that she was fine.
Most importantly, of course, he didn't like her because that was how Joel was. He didn't like people. He respected them, like he did Tess. He hated them, like he did Marlene. Or he worried about them, like he did about Tommy. Amy… he felt annoyed by, if anything. Most of all, the girl was too insignificant to waste another thought on.
"You ever seen a city like that?"
"No," she replied shortly, pulling up the zip of her jacket. It was a lot colder up here, or at least it felt like it given the wind brushing against Joel's knuckles.
He scrunched his nose, leaving it at that. He had asked out of curiosity, but he felt no desire to get to know her any better, which was why he regarded the stillness, the spooky peacefulness of the wild city in silence.
Joel had always felt moved by nature reclaiming what was rightfully hers in such a profound way. Plants and vines weaving their way around fire poles, whole eucalyptus trees growing on the rooftop of the former city hall as though they couldn't have cared less about the relevance the building had once held.
"Ready?" Tess had sneaked her way up to them quietly and now lifted her chin, beckoning the others to follow her to the ladder leading down to the street along the front of the red brick building they were on.
Ten minutes later, Joel's shoulders tensed.
It wasn't like he had been fully relaxed during their hike along the straight avenue guiding them to the building they had already spotted half an hour ago, but now, with the trucks clearly visible before him, he fastened the strap of the rifle around his torso.
Everything looked normal so far, at least what Joel expected a firefly camp to look like. But then, as the three of them stood in front of the building, he narrowed his eyes.
Something was off. It was… quiet. Too quiet for the base of the most prominent resistance group, which, according to Amy, had even been joined by scientists and doctors needed to make a cure.
"What the fuck's goin' on here…" Joel muttered, not bothering to part his teeth. His gaze flickered over the trucks, the tires, the door, and then he harshly opened the driver's door of the nearest one.
"Shit…"
A guy fell out at once, making Tess and Amy jolt backward. He had a gaping wound on his head, eyes hollow and dead.
"What happened here?" Amy breathed, even though there was no need to keep her voice down after what Tess did next.
The woman cursed at no one in particular, grabbed Amy by the bicep and dragged her across the forecourt, heading for the gate.
"Tess," Joel warned her, but she didn't seem to listen. She kicked the door open, which gave him no choice but to follow, though his heart thundered up his throat as he raised the rifle.
"Shit… Shit, shit."
Joel heard his friend's words before he was able to take in the scene himself. Dead bodies. Sprawled across the floor like someone had come in here solely to butcher everyone within the walls of the building. Blood was everywhere, coating the white marble in an ugly scarlet.
"No. This can't be – " Tess plunged forward and towered over a small desk in the next moment. She seemed so eager to find something among the countless sheets of paper and cards that she even forgot to pull Amy along, who looked deeply uncomfortable standing beside her.
"Who was that?" she asked, but Joel was too occupied catching up with Tess's hot-headed temper.
"Tess. C'mon, Tess, what are you doing? We need to get back."
"No!" she hissed, turning so suddenly Joel nearly stumbled backward. She looked feral, almost possessed by a higher power, with her eyes wide open and her lips compressed.
"We don't go back, Joel. We go on, we – " She paused, her eyes lingering on something to Joel's right.
A body. On the ground, laboriously dragging itself across the floor to — Joel understood why Tess had faltered too late to stop her. His brain was still processing, trying to grasp what had driven his friend to be so upset and panicky, which was why he only shifted his eyes from the nearly dead man when Tess was already in the middle of opening every single plastic tank the fireflies must have taken with them, using the back of the rifle Joel had set down on the floor.
"Tess!"
At first, she didn't react, busy tipping the gasoline tanks over so that the liquid could spread across the ground. What the hell was she doing? What the hell did she think –
"She's infected."
Joel's brow creased, eyes landing on Amy's face. He noticed an expression he had never seen on her before. There was pity, but why was there pity? What had she just said, Tess was… infected?
"What?" Joel chuckled drily, watching as Tess rushed across the space like a rabid rabbit. By now, everything smelled of gasoline, mixed with the scent of blood that still heavily clung to the air.
"She's infected. Aren't you, Tess?"
"Tess?"
It was Joel's voice that seemed to wake her from her trance. She didn't stop at once, but her movements slowed until her hand came to rest weakly on one of the tanks she had been just about to push over.
"It had to happen sooner or later, right?" she whispered, standing up and taking a small step. "We were running out of luck, Joel."
"Tess."
"I'm gonna blow this place up. That asshole called all his new friends by pulling at the goddamn string. But it doesn't matter now. It's — over."
Before he could answer, perhaps ask what the hell was going on and why she hadn't told him up there on the roof, Tess rushed forward, ignoring the flinch that went through Joel's body.
"Take her, Joel."
A muscle beside his mouth ticked.
"All the shit we have done, Joel. Make it right. Make up for some of it."
His teeth ground so hard they creaked under the force.
"Take her to Bill and Frank. They will take her and get her there safely. They'll know what to do. They got supplies, everything they're gonna need. They can take the car and drive her to the fireflies and maybe – " Tess's voice broke. "Maybe it's gonna work. It might work, Joel. Just – Think about it. Think about – "
The lines around Joel's eyes grew more distinct as he jerked back once more.
As though his body was acting on his mind's behalf, his hand enclosed Amy's bicep. Automatically, like a machine. His grip was steel-like, firm, like Joel had no intention of letting go any time soon.
"What are you – " Amy stumbled, her arm wriggling to free itself, but of course she didn't stand a chance.
"Let me go, what are you doing?"
Now, Amy's whole body was squirming, her free hand flailing to hit Joel somewhere, but he mercilessly dragged her along with him like a doll. He felt numb, he didn't feel anything at all.
Even Amy's shouts, her pleas to let her go, went past him.
He was aware that she was shrieking, but his brain was sealed inside a water bubble, causing her voice to come through muffled and distant. There was a chance Tess was saying something too, but he wouldn't have known.
He left the dead bodies behind. His vision was blurry now as well, head spinning like a washing machine. Maybe Amy was still fighting and writhing like she was possessed, Joel didn't know. He wouldn't have cared either way.
When he walked out of the door and left the building behind, something in his stomach churned. Something subtle, not quite painful, yet Joel was so profoundly aware of it that it nearly made him lose his mind, made him want to ram his nails into his stomach and scoop his organs out of his body.
When his senses started to perceive his surroundings more clearly again, the smell of gasoline making its way past his nostrils, Joel picked up his pace.
By the time they reached the nearby forest, he was running, and even Amy seemed to understand that in order to survive this day, she couldn't stay within close range of the building.
So she sprinted by his side, though Joel's hand didn't loosen its taut hold around her arm.
This story should only be read by people over 18 years as it contains adult content. MDNI!!
Rating: Explicit
Fandom: Inspired by The Last of Us
Status: Ongoing
You can find the following themes in this story: smut, unprotected sex, oral sex (m & f receiving), breast play, praise, possessiveness, dirty talk, dom/sub dynamics, choking, fingering, control kink, kissing, power imbalance, Joel feeling guilty about sleeping with Amy, Joel killing everyone to protect the person he loves, canon typical themes, blood, injury, no Ellie (I'm sorryyy), violence, angst, panic attacks, insomnia, grief, loss, emotional vulnerability, morally questionable behavior (don't take them as an example pls), large age gap (24&52), guilt, anger, coldness, indifference, dependency relationship
Summary:
What if Ellie hadn’t been the one Marlene found that day? What if Joel had been forced to take an older girl across the country instead?
The mission is simple and nothing a trained fighter like himself can't manage. Keep Amy safe, protect her from raiders, hunters, or worse. The mission he sets for himself is easy as well. Stay out of the Fireflies’ business and get rid of her as quickly as possible.
But there may be one thing neither the mission nor his plan can protect her from, and that's himself.
