Put the Morphine Down

Hello! I am the resident pharmacist and medic here at this particular Resistance base. Stop on by if you're bleeding or feel like shit otherwise. Just don't be a pansy... <3

[pearl-caduceus]

...I feel I’m needed.

[pearl-caduceus]

The spinal cord and everything?

Yeah!  In fact, while dislodging the bullet and malfunctioning one from Ally’s spine, GLaDOS specifically taught me how to replace them.  *rubs back of neck*  I won’t lie; it’s pretty fuckin complicated.  And I’ve only really done one.

[pearl-caduceus]

Yes! My chip was taken out and I need a new. Can you uh. Assist a little android?

Oh!  Actually, that I can do!  Queen Toaster Bitch taught me, actually.  I got this!

[pearl-caduceus]

Brain surgery! Practically.

Hrm.  Well, not my strongest suit; but a few of the others have some experience in that area.  I’m always willing to call in an assist.  *grins*  I mean really, can I fuck you up any more than you already are?

[pearl-caduceus]

How are you with surgery?

*gives her a dubious look* *playfully* If you're going to insult me, you can fuck right off!

[pearl-caduceus]

Why so mysterious? *eases cautiously onto table with an askance look*

Well, things are crazy as fuck. And, while people's injuries do tell a story, I like to be informed. I mean, when the hell does anyone tell the medic anything? *leans in and examines injury* Hopping around helps me gather intel. *wry smile* And you might say I've been enjoying my freedom. *good-natures slap on shoulder* So, what the hell happened to you?

[pearl-caduceus]

You're here?! I thought you where in the resistance wing! *rifle butt injury beside her eye*

I'm a lot of places. *gestures* Have a seat.

[pearl-caduceus]

Murdoc: If those androids have nukes they should send them the way of that city.

Eh, much as I’d like to wipe those fuckers off the face of the earth, there are a bunch of people there, right?

[pearl-caduceus]

Murdoc: Heh, that would be helpful.

I know a Toaster that could maybe help....

[pearl-caduceus]

Murdoc: *Comes in and sits down.* Bloody Combine, they're getting too close to the portal. Someone needs to move it before the find the damn thing.

Shit!  Do we have a spare nuke laying around?

[pearl-caduceus]

Murdoc: Hello? *Comes in with a bullet wound on his arm, blood dripping down.*

Oh jeez!  Sit the hell down!  *rushes about gathering supplies*  What happened?!

[pearl-caduceus]

Mainframe: Maybe can play fetch at border! Will not go too far in! Maybe that make guard friend happy?

Hey, that could work!  And do let Neuro know that I wouldn’t mind seeing him either.  Horrible gas aside, we got on pretty well.

[pearl-caduceus]

Mainframe: We would come to but can't! Guard Friends no like us!

I’ll have a talk with him...

[pearl-caduceus]

Mainframe: Is good to talk to too! Facility is good! Very good! With test subjects who are also resistance friends facility is happy! Many tests! Maybe The GLaDOS not happy! But The GLaDOS hard to please! Birdy Woman Best Friend Sister and Birdy Woman Best Friend should visit us when Birdy Woman Best Friend is better! Can play fetch!

Pfft, GLaDOS is never happy!  Uh....well...erm....maybe.  I’m a bit wary, you know?

[pearl-caduceus]

Mainframe: Yes! Hehe! *doesn't get why it's funny, but she seems happy!* We gotta go now! Not sure if allowed to even talk here! But had to give get better pressent! No trust The GLaDOS to give!

Ha!  I agree with you there!  It’s, well, hm.  It’s actually nice hearing from you.  Uh...hope....the facility is nice?

[pearl-caduceus]

Mainframe: Yay! Is good to hear! Is proud of The GLaDOS! The GLaDOS do a nice thing! For once! Heh! We told the Neurotoxin Generator AI! Neurotoxin Generator AI go to other universe and pick up thing for Birdy Woman Best Friend! *a panel in the ceiling shifts out of the way and a tube comes down. In a few moments a cute puffy spherical bird pulshie falls out and the tube and panel go back in place* Neurotoxin Generator AI pick out! He say "get better" too!

*has to laugh at the absolutely absurdity of all this!*

Th-that’s..haha...that’s great.  Oh my God, what a world I live in, I swear to fucking God.  Heheh....ohhhhh man...  Well, thank you and thank Neuro!  She will love this!  I’m sure that she will need the pick-me-up!

[pearl-caduceus]

Mainframe: Have heardc what happen to Birdy Woman Best Friend! Bad AND sad! Will Birdy Woman Best Friend be okay?

Oh...oh...y-yeah.  *sigh of relief*  Yeah, she’s actually going to be fine.  I had, well, I has an assist from GLaDOS, oddly enough.  She’s going to be fine and able to walk again, amazingly.  *thinks a moment*  Come to think of it, I’ve got some gloating to do with a certain blonde...