It all started when you said you donāt want it.
I met you at a very odd moment. I looked at you and just know you could be someone I talked to and come home to when shit gets rough. We share things, we spend times, just some kind of platonic bullshit I know I keep in mind.
And it all ends when you said you want it.
No. You donāt want me. You want a person, but not me. So definitely this isnāt about you and me, itās just me. You want a person so much because you know what youāre capable of. All of the affection you had that youāve been keeping for yourself, you know you want to share it to someone else, and eventually, you said it. You want a person.
You want a person. A whole new shared life. You want a person you can trust fully and suddenly I snapped. I know if the timing wasnāt a bitch, I would have fight for that place. I would have give the best piece of myself to you so you can give the best piece of yourself to me too. But the timing was a bitch. And deep inside I know everything that would happen ever since, itās all going to be something that I have to bottle up.
I am here, being a platonic friend to you, because I know no matter how much I dreamed about that rainbows and candies life with you, itās not for me. You didnāt want it until you want it now and it makes me realize thereās a chance for me. Thereās a possibility for me. What makes it painful is that I canāt, even if I want to, fight for that place. Itās not the chance I can take.
So Iām closing the door. Iām closing the room for this friendship in order to save myself, and my feelings. I know it doesnāt mean so much when someone back off from you because you understand. I hope you understand.
I wish I could explain it to you.
But I donāt have to even if I could.
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