It all started when you said you don’t want it.
I met you at a very odd moment. I looked at you and just know you could be someone I talked to and come home to when shit gets rough. We share things, we spend times, just some kind of platonic bullshit I know I keep in mind.
And it all ends when you said you want it.
No. You don’t want me. You want a person, but not me. So definitely this isn’t about you and me, it’s just me. You want a person so much because you know what you’re capable of. All of the affection you had that you’ve been keeping for yourself, you know you want to share it to someone else, and eventually, you said it. You want a person.
You want a person. A whole new shared life. You want a person you can trust fully and suddenly I snapped. I know if the timing wasn’t a bitch, I would have fight for that place. I would have give the best piece of myself to you so you can give the best piece of yourself to me too. But the timing was a bitch. And deep inside I know everything that would happen ever since, it’s all going to be something that I have to bottle up.
I am here, being a platonic friend to you, because I know no matter how much I dreamed about that rainbows and candies life with you, it’s not for me. You didn’t want it until you want it now and it makes me realize there’s a chance for me. There’s a possibility for me. What makes it painful is that I can’t, even if I want to, fight for that place. It’s not the chance I can take.
So I’m closing the door. I’m closing the room for this friendship in order to save myself, and my feelings. I know it doesn’t mean so much when someone back off from you because you understand. I hope you understand.
I wish I could explain it to you.
But I don’t have to even if I could.
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