Ask John and Dave

Your names are JOHN EGBERT and DAVE STRIDER and you’re waiting for someone to fill up your PHAT INBOX with JUICY QUESTIONS.

[pepsicola-qna]

PEPSICOLA QnA!!!

Send them questions!

About this blog! (rules/faq)

Thanks!!!!

[pepsicola-qna]

what does John think of Dave's ear piercings? also, are there any piercings either of you plan on getting once you're, y'know, NOT in the void anymore?

JOHN: honestly, i never would have pegged dave as the type of guy to get piercings. JOHN: seeing his ears sparkle was a little jarring at first, but now it is hard to imagine him without them. JOHN: it kinda makes him look like a nineties pop star or something. JOHN: and also... JOHN: HELL no! DAVE: while i look like every member of the backstreet boys merged together into the peak of male attraction john over here does not have the willpower to rock the bling DAVE: its my job to be the glimmering star in this joint and its a title i wear with pride

[pepsicola-qna]

Pepsicola we miss you :(

[pepsicola-qna]

CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. YOU TRY TO FLEE TO THE INTERWEBS TO NOT THINK ABOUT ANNOYING PEOPLE YET THEY OPENLY PRESENT THEIR ASSCHEEKS TO YOU THE MOMENT YOU OPEN THIS GODFORSAKEN WEBSITE.

CG: FIRST OF ALL, WHAT EVEN IS A PEPSICOLA. AND NO, BEFORE EITHER OF YOU *UNGRACIOUSLY* TACK ON THE WORD “TROLL” TO THE FRONT OF IT, TROLL PEPSICOLA DOES NOT EXIST. IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING A PAN DENTED WRIGGLER WOULD GARGLE OUT AFTER BEING REPEATEDLY BASHED IN THE HEAD. OUT OF ANY COUPLE NAME YOU COULD’VE COME UP WITH YOU SETTLED FOR *THAT?* WHICH ONE OF YOU CROTCHSTAINED DISCARDED TISSUES CAME UP WITH THAT GENIUS BRANDING?

CG: SECOND OF ALL, AND YES THEIR IS MORE TO BE SAID SO BUCKLE THE FUCK UP. YOUR LITTLE MAIL THING HAD NO RULES AS TO HOW MANY QUESTIONS NOR THE LENGTH OF THEM. WORD LIMITS HAVE NO POWER OVER ME. JUST LIKE YOU TWO.

CG: SERIOUSLY, SECONDLY, YOUR PUBLIC DISPLAY OF MATESPRITESHIP IS EMBARRASSING TO WITNESS. ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT THE ONLY PERSON THAT DID *ANYTHING* FOR QUADS DAY WAS, YOU, JOHN EGBERT? WHERE WAS YOUR SIDE OF THE GIFT GIVING EXCHANGE, STRIDER? BEING MATESPRITES IS A *TWO* WAY STREET AND ONE OF YOU IS PULLING THEIR WIEGHT MORE THAN THE OTHER. I HAVE A PLETHORA OF ROMCOMS IN WHICH YOU CAN FEAST BOTH YOUR GANDERBULBS ON. MORE SO STRIDER THAN EGBERT, WHICH IS THE MOST INSANE PART OF ALL THIS.

CG: YOU SHOULD TAKE THE TIME TO OBSERVE THEM WITH A NOTEBOOK AND PEN FOR PROPER SCHOOLFED EDUCATION. NO NEED TO THANK ME FOR ALERTING YOU BOTH OF YOUR ASININE BEHAVIOR, NOBODY ELSE SEEMED TO HAVE ANYTHING WORTHWHILE TO SAY OTHER THAN WATCHING YOU TWO DANCE AROUND DOING VAPID DEBAUCHERY.

JOHN: pfft, oh man, it is actually such a relief to hear from you, karkat. JOHN: it was getting a little too quiet around here! DAVE: and look what happened to you questioning an objectively good thing DAVE: all your pondering about when wed get someone we actually know dragging their irrelevant posteriors into our pristine ask box had to summon the yap demon himself DAVE: here he comes with his jabbering mouth full of assuming asinine bullcrap straight off the whacko factory assembly line DAVE: hey karkat heres a newsflash for you buddy DAVE: im not explaining the artful decision behind the blog title because the meaning would be lost on your brain DAVE: dont be jealous cause terezi didnt bust down your door to start a blog together

JOHN: come on, valentine gestures aren't the end all be all of this relationship business. JOHN: dave shows that he cares in a bunch of other ways! JOHN: besides, it's not like we're those "matesprites" or anything.

[pepsicola-qna]

CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. YOU TRY TO FLEE TO THE INTERWEBS TO NOT THINK ABOUT ANNOYING PEOPLE YET THEY OPENLY PRESENT THEIR ASSCHEEKS TO YOU THE MOMENT YOU OPEN THIS GODFORSAKEN WEBSITE.

CG: FIRST OF ALL, WHAT EVEN IS A PEPSICOLA. AND NO, BEFORE EITHER OF YOU *UNGRACIOUSLY* TACK ON THE WORD “TROLL” TO THE FRONT OF IT, TROLL PEPSICOLA DOES NOT EXIST. IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING A PAN DENTED WRIGGLER WOULD GARGLE OUT AFTER BEING REPEATEDLY BASHED IN THE HEAD. OUT OF ANY COUPLE NAME YOU COULD’VE COME UP WITH YOU SETTLED FOR *THAT?* WHICH ONE OF YOU CROTCHSTAINED DISCARDED TISSUES CAME UP WITH THAT GENIUS BRANDING?

CG: SECOND OF ALL, AND YES THEIR IS MORE TO BE SAID SO BUCKLE THE FUCK UP. YOUR LITTLE MAIL THING HAD NO RULES AS TO HOW MANY QUESTIONS NOR THE LENGTH OF THEM. WORD LIMITS HAVE NO POWER OVER ME. JUST LIKE YOU TWO.

CG: SERIOUSLY, SECONDLY, YOUR PUBLIC DISPLAY OF MATESPRITESHIP IS EMBARRASSING TO WITNESS. ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT THE ONLY PERSON THAT DID *ANYTHING* FOR QUADS DAY WAS, YOU, JOHN EGBERT? WHERE WAS YOUR SIDE OF THE GIFT GIVING EXCHANGE, STRIDER? BEING MATESPRITES IS A *TWO* WAY STREET AND ONE OF YOU IS PULLING THEIR WIEGHT MORE THAN THE OTHER. I HAVE A PLETHORA OF ROMCOMS IN WHICH YOU CAN FEAST BOTH YOUR GANDERBULBS ON. MORE SO STRIDER THAN EGBERT, WHICH IS THE MOST INSANE PART OF ALL THIS.

CG: YOU SHOULD TAKE THE TIME TO OBSERVE THEM WITH A NOTEBOOK AND PEN FOR PROPER SCHOOLFED EDUCATION. NO NEED TO THANK ME FOR ALERTING YOU BOTH OF YOUR ASININE BEHAVIOR, NOBODY ELSE SEEMED TO HAVE ANYTHING WORTHWHILE TO SAY OTHER THAN WATCHING YOU TWO DANCE AROUND DOING VAPID DEBAUCHERY.

JOHN: pfft, oh man, it is actually such a relief to hear from you, karkat. JOHN: it was getting a little too quiet around here! DAVE: and look what happened to you questioning an objectively good thing DAVE: all your pondering about when wed get someone we actually know dragging their irrelevant posteriors into our pristine ask box had to summon the yap demon himself DAVE: here he comes with his jabbering mouth full of assuming asinine bullcrap straight off the whacko factory assembly line DAVE: hey karkat heres a newsflash for you buddy DAVE: im not explaining the artful decision behind the blog title because the meaning would be lost on your brain DAVE: dont be jealous cause terezi didnt bust down your door to start a blog together

JOHN: come on, valentine gestures aren't the end all be all of this relationship business. JOHN: dave shows that he cares in a bunch of other ways! JOHN: besides, it's not like we're those "matesprites" or anything.

[pepsicola-qna]

John, kill dave.

DAVE: hey john if there were two guys stuck in a void and one killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what JOHN: i'm gonna start getting ideas if you keep throwing these dumb hypotheticals at me.

[pepsicola-qna]

to dave: just want you to know your ear piercings are swag as fuck

DAVE: to anon DAVE: i know but you adding to the compliment pool only makes the sheer swag index increase exponentially DAVE: ill be sure to tell rose her handiwork is finally being appreciated DAVE: once we get out of here DAVE: which should be soon

[pepsicola-qna]

My mom saw me smiling at my phone and i cant tell her this is what i was smiling at

DAVE: why not DAVE: own up to the fact that you were getting all kinds of jovial over pure artistic talent DAVE: fuck dude you could even flip the script and give her a glimpse of this shit if youre feeling brave enough to let another human being see the beauty of the one and only dave m strider gently caressing the flat but suitable ass of john egbert DAVE: just saying

[pepsicola-qna]

John... You do know that adopting an animal together is basically 5th or 6th base. Depending on who you ask.

JOHN: er, sure man. JOHN: i bet next you're gonna say then comes the baby in the baby carriage. JOHN: in other words, kiddy crap that totally isn't true at all! JOHN: don't the bases only go up to four anyways? JOHN: sweet, i guess i home runned myself some relationship extra credit!

[pepsicola-qna]

*places a kitten in the general vicinity of the sillies*

JOHN: did... JOHN: did they just make that cat appear? DAVE: i DAVE: guess so? DAVE: fuck dude do we really have to deal with magical wizard bullshit in here DAVE: i can only handle so much hootenanny before it gets downright disrespectful for me to witness JOHN: at least this tomfoolery is really sweet and purring super loud. JOHN: we should keep him. JOHN: (her...?) DAVE: no DAVE: absolutely fucking not DAVE: put that thing on the other side of the endless nothing and keep it away from me DAVE: as a matter of fact remove it from my general radius before it procs my aggro JOHN: you would not hurt a poor little cat! JOHN: he's probably lost just like us. look at all of those innocent eyes, dude. JOHN: we are taking him with us and that's final. DAVE: what DAVE: ever

[gardengnostic-qna]

Do you have a favorite place to be? :3

GG: rose included but getting her on here is…

GG: what did she say…

GG: something about this place not being ready for her haunting texts? :P

GG: anyways, love you guys <3

@pepsicola-qna

[pepsicola-qna]

why is like almost every person in ur guys inbox insane? heres a normal ask...

what was ur first date like?

JOHN: did we get another question? DAVE: no man we didnt get shit DAVE: it was just a scam email from one of those million free boonbuck now websites i signed up for DAVE: just give me a second

DAVE: (look here you smarmy asshats i need to make one thing clear before i let any more of you slide into this ask box and continue to ask insane invasive questions) DAVE: (i need you to take a look around this joint and tell me if you see anywhere thats suitable for a first date) DAVE: (is the cold and uncaring nothing of the void the pinnacle of romance to you because all it looks like to me is a bunch of vacant bullcrap that were currently stuck in) DAVE: (ive been planning the real first date for once we get out of here and i wont let that slide while mister blue sky is still in earshot) DAVE: (capiche)

[pepsicola-qna]

dave!!! guess who got you a valentines letter?!?!

DAVE:oh you know just one of my many secret admirers DAVE: they just cant get their claws off me and i sincerely cant blame them for wanting a premier slice of this strider ass DAVE: ahem DAVE: thats what i would have said if i was still some ungrateful single chucklefuck who cant get it together DAVE: luckily i scored DAVE: big time DAVE: so we can leave shitty hypothetical land DAVE: ... DAVE: (oh my god oh my god oh my god) DAVE: (dude i cannot fuck this up)

[pepsicola-qna]

oh jooooooohn you should surprise dave

JOHN: hmmm... JOHN: i would not say that i'm some kind of valentine expert here but i think that would kill the mood. JOHN: i can show you what i actually did for him. JOHN: it isn't much but the thought is what counts.

[Click to view.]

dear dave, happy valentines day!!! i just wanted to say that i know we may be lost in some kind of void with weird questions getting flung at us, but i wouldn't want to be stuck in this with anybody else. i know you want to be strong right now so that it seems like things are not so hopeless. however, nothing is hopeless when i have my best bro by my side! not just my best bro but also my best brofriend. the endless black plain probably isn't the best place for romantic sweeping off of some feet action but it doesn't hurt to try. you make every day length approximation better. you know that you can lean on my shoulder too and i will tuck a piece of hair behind your ear like they do in all of those cheesy movies you like. (i have seen you blush like a school girl at those parts!) we will get through this together! love you the most, john

[gardengnostic-qna]

=> the witch is in!

[beeishappy12]

jade harley ask blog is real!!!!!!!

[pepsicola-qna]

You should kill

Yourself

JOHN: hmm. JOHN: i think this person could teach you a thing or two about loyalty, dave. JOHN: lol! DAVE: man fuck off DAVE: if you start taking the schizophrenic ramblings of attention seeking weirdos beyond this obvious dipshit sarcasm youre serving im shutting the blog down DAVE: cause you better be yanking my hog here or else

[pepsicola-qna]

KISS.