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for our girls the glass ceiling is lower and sooner.

A vision of oneself

I have been wondering how to help an 8 year old girl build a vision of herself. Two thoughts come to mind. Nicknames and avatars. What if we had each girl develop an avatar? Maybe an animal that she related to. Like a daemon from The Golden Compass or a totem. The development and identification would be one part of the process, digging in to how they feel about themselves and what they would like to identify with. By alluding to her animal, perhaps making it a nickname, would reinforce it. Every time she is referred to as her daemon, it is like saying, "I see you in all your aspirational qualities."

A framework for perfect ten going forward.

Reminder: Paula Forman invited you to join Facebook...

Tuesday at the Middle School

We had a small group with sarah, but it went well. Without tanaysha things can go really smoothly. I feel at a loss with her. She frustrates me and doesn't feel like she wants to be with us. but then I see her outside of school and she's much different. really sweet. she calls, she blows kisses.

We made art projects - collages - with some gaffaws, but each girl really had her own spin. Sarah brought in photo copies of words and several pictures of women. the assignment was to pick one woman and a selection of words to make a collage.

Sabrina - always defiant - did not pick one of the women as her base. she also got very wordy, even cutting out letters to make the words she wanted. she had a great message about don't ever change, be yourself. I think that's a great message, but it also worries me with her because I think she does need to change. or needs to understand that change in the form of growth and learning are good. she doesn't want to learn new things. that's frustrating and sad to me.

Markiah, made a heart and put all the names of the perfect ten girls and instructors in. that was touching. she's open to new people as much as she often does not appear to be. she also seems very worried about fitting in and is not one to put herself out there with new things or ideas (a lot of which have been really impressive, like with the math game).

Jessica. Jessica? I'm at a loss. I can't remember hers. I'll check it out tuesday.

We also were telling stories about our first pairs of underpants. Paula and I started out. They got laughs, and markiah decided to join in. I think most of her story was a total lie but she just kept wanting to go on. and then... and then... when the group moved on she came next to me and wanted to keep going. it was very sweet.

maybe we should do short stories one day.

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Stumbling Upon a Math Mystery

Tuesday I brought in for the kids a box of math flashcards that instead of using mathematical symbols (+, -, x, %, =) used colored boxes. Telling them that I had just stumbled upon the box, I left it for them to see if they could figure it out.

The girls were impressive in both their rudimentary grasp of what the cards were, their curiosity, and their approach to problem solving. One of our girls, who is neither a hard worker or apparently very smart, was immediately on to what was going on.

Thanks to Jonah Lehrer I was introducing the act of discovery into the classroom. It immediately sparked their curiosity. It was an amazing feeling to watch them. They were hungry and willing to try. They seemed almost unselfconscious.

Unfortunately, they were quick to frustrate. Girls who enthusiastically raised their hands and began suggesting ideas that were spot on, also quickly said never mind when even slightly interrupted by a classmate. It took a lot of encouragement to keep them on task.

They also became very competitive. Feelings were hurt left and right. In the end they mostly 'got it.' But not quite. It seemed like what they understood was that if there was blue on the card it was addition. Not that the colored boxes are interchangeable with the math symbols. (although you know every one of them was bragging about how they cracked the code first.)

The exercise wasn't a home run on its face. But it was telling to see their curiosity. The frustration is something to work on. Today I am going to bring in new cards with animals instead of colored boxes. I am going to have them come up with a team leader and let them know it has to be solved as a team. There will also be a prize. The test is that each girl has to teach me how to make a card myself.

Goal for today : Get to the 'Aha' moment + Learn the value of inclusive team work.

We will see.

#discovery #curiosity #kidscuriosity

First Mentor Saturday

As seems to be the rhythm of Perfect Ten, the darkest days are followed by a rainbow.... the first mentor Saturday could not have been better.... the mothers and aunties and grandma's showed up to meet the mentors and I really felt like we had not only their support -- but that we shared the same hopes for the girls... this is the first time we have had such a significant show of support from the parents and Kate deserves a metal for this one. She has been absolutely dogged in pursuing a phone relationship with the mothers and guardians and it was certainly Kate that made them feel that their participation was both necessary and important... and that was just the beginning.

The girls and the mentors had a wonderful time-- there are pictures which tell this story which Kate will post since I can't quite figure out how-- but I have nothing but gratitude to Kate who organized the event, the parents and the girls. I really needed this.... it was an adrenalin shot to a failing heart.

A Fork in the Road...

Once again yesterday I witnessed a world class music session at the intermediate school led by G. Once again it occurred to me that NYC private school parents would line up tp pay G. $100/hour for their kids to experience what our kids enjoy--

Our girls enjoy their sessions with G. but their attention issues, their behavior problems and their overall rudeness to each other and to us as well as G. limits what they really get out of what is truly an enormous gift. I was embarassed... G. is very tolerant- he has worked with kids this age before- if he is frustrated, he never it shows it but I AM VERY FRUSTRATED. Kate's friend video taped some of this-- I think it will be very useful - and humiliating for Kate and me to review the tape. For me, it was deja vu all over again-- we have seen this petulant, rude, disruptive behavior since the beginning and apparently no learning has occured-- we have just diminished our ranks. I recall Pat's well-intentioned theatrical efforts, the frustrations expressed by Maryanne and Chelsea... Inevitably the loyal souls that stick to their commitment simply lower their expectations.

Yelling doesn't work, days off don't work, kindness doesn't work. Our girls may simply not be ready for the caliber of program we provide. Pardon the analogy but until a dog learns sit, stay, come-- they can't do much else.

We need the parents to back us 100%-- we need the parents to want this for their girls as much as parents want the good charter schools. I am convinced we cannot do this without parental support and more help from the school.

The idea of PERFECT TEN is academic and social support with college as the goal. I fear we have descended into high quality baby sitting. The disruptive kids suck up all our attention and drain us emotionally and the commitment of the "good kids" is subject to the convenience of their parents-- if it is convenient for the parents to have their daughter attend- she does. If not, they don't.

The teachers don't see us as allies-- the kids tell me that all new teaching at both schools is about to be suspended to review for the standardized tests--I won't comment if this is right or wrong but surely we could help.

I am not ready to give up but I will not do another year of temper tantrums and whining and disruptive behavior that hijacks our mission.

State of Emergency

This is a letter I wrote to the BOE's curriculum committee: I continue to feel this way- but more so.

My experience with introducing academics into afterschool has been a challenge. As you know, the mission of Perfect Ten is academic and social support with a college education for every one of our girls as the goal. Although Kathy and her staff understand that OUR purpose is not recreational-- they are very explicit in stating that the Hudson Blue Hawk Nation After School Program is NOT school after school. This leaves us at a competitive disadvantage-- we have had to be very clever in "sneaking in" our academic curriculum. We have tried to make multiplication a competitive sport, we are currently doing song lyric writing -- we use ADELE instead of Edna St. Vincent Millay to teach structure, and we recently purchased audio recorders for the big girls media project which is really about constructing a narrative and journalistic investigation. We offer homework help in the library both days at the junior high -- but we compete with 45 minutes of FREE PLAY in the cafeteria.. ( surprisingly, most of our girls actually do elect to do homework) Even our "sport" pods have been designed to teach concentration and control... ( belly dancing, yoga and even hip hop-- its tough stuff) However I am ultimately unsatisfied with the academic support we provide. I think we need to do much more. I do not believe that we need to make it all "fun". I have often said to our girls-- YOU DONT HAVE TIME FOR FUN! I believe that the culture of our school system is counter-productive. I think we need to "sell" academics and sell it hard. LEARN or else... LEARN or your future recedes at double time. On the last day of school before break I said to little M. with tears in my eyes... "you are so adorable I could eat you with a spoon -- but that is getting in your way-- you must work harder so that your adorableness is icing on the cake and not your only option....." I am quite sure she thought I had lost my mind.( BTW -her reading is improving -- no doubt because of the reading mentor program, but she still can't write or do math at a level that allows her to fully participate in song writing or math as a blood sport) My point is, that as long as the culture of the school is "academics, optional" - academics will be optional. In my humble opinion this is why 60% of the kids are not proficient in ELA-- they know that failure is an acceptable option. And apparently they are right. The problem isn't any one thing-- it's everything. The entire culture resists -- The solution? I think we need to declare a state of emergency in the district. I think we need to commit all resources to a change management program. By all resources I mean everything is on the table... We used to play a game in the Ad Biz called Death is not an Option -- at HCSD we should say FAILURE is not an option. All kids need to go to After School and After School is School after school. The only way out is straight A's. The teachers and the parents need to be held accountable-- And the culture needs to be rebuilt from the ground up. yes, uniforms. yes billboard that advertise our progress... yes, every store is a learning center. yes, every adult in town needs to ask every kid they see "what are you reading...?"

Music at the Middle School

What happened today?

Claudia came in with her camera to record the girls performing, recording, and doing interviews.

After recording Sabrina was going to stay in and help Gideon record Tanaysha and Khadija. Sabrina and Tanaysha / Khadija got in a fight. How to deal with this ongoing feud has been a constant struggle. Redundancy necessary. Rudeness towards Sabrina, who is pretty rough around the edges. I spoke with K and told her it wasn't acceptable. Spoke with Tanaysha and tried to get to the bottom of it. Apparently early during the week Sabrina had insulted her dancing. I gave her the options of not recording, recording and not saying anything, or recording and letting S know that she had hurt her feelings and didn't feel comfortable singing in front of her. They wound up singing with S in the room.

Rachel, Khadija, and Tanaysha all reported they would not be in PT next session. Two because they didn't get their paperwork in on time, one said her mother didn't want her to do it - that she had already done it twice. What gives?

We had an impromptu grammar lessons as the girls identified nouns, pronouns, verbs and adverbs in the sentence "I'm totally chill." For some reason they wanted everything to be a predicate. Who knows. It was so much fun and felt like one of those magic moments.

As we left, K told me she liked Sabrina's song. That it was really pretty. I almost died.

Wednesday at the Junior High

The Junior High brought much welcomed respite from the chaos at the Middle School the day before. After a pretty significant fight broke out, which involved a couple of our girls along the periphery, we wound up with a pretty small group. Bethiah, myself and 4 girls had our first day in the carpeted, non-freezing Italian class room. We started out sitting in a circle, checking in with each other. I introduced the mentor program, which all the girls seemed anywhere from open to to excited about.

After mentioning that the Van Buren House was on the list of places we would visit merely as a place holder, the last girl I ever expected to be into it, interrupted talking about how much she loved the Van Buren House. She described the grounds in such detail. And she described it as his house, less like a museum. I was so touched. Who knew? Oh, right, Paula knew.

The rest of the day went well. The girls learned a new dance and did it well. Without some of the more bullying personalities there a couple of the shyer girls were able to really embrace the silliness that is belly dancing. And they are getting really good. Or look good, which is as much kudos to them as it is to Bethiah who teaches them well and has an achievable vision for what they can do.

A conversation about recital followed class.

Tuesday at the Middle School

Tuesday was a rough day.

We have one defiant student, who as sweet as she can be, just will not respect the instructors, me in particular. It was a day of discipline and bad attitudes. Some of the girls' defiance feels harmless enough, normal pre-teenage girl stuff. But with some girls it crosses the line and the basic rules of safety aren't followed. A recent line in the sand has been no leaving the room without asking. Automatic day off. No questions asked. Up until Tuesday, the policy was working and the rule followed.Up until Tuesday.

So this student - after appearing to have a lot of fun all day - walked up and said she was leaving, that she had permission from KK and her mom to leave whenever she wanted. I said she couldn't, then reconsidered and said that she could. ("Oh right, my job is not to chase them around or force them to stay.") A CIT came in and I told her to leave with him. She than said she wasn't going to leave. This back and forth drives me nuts. The games and threats, the manipulation, I can't take. I told her she had to leave and I was giving her a day off, that I didn't have time for this. After telling the instructor to keep an eye on her I went to get KK. When we got back she was gone.

"How does it get to this point?" is a question that goes through my mind. I wonder what we could have done differently. But then this voice comes up and says, "it's ok. If they go, they go. Save the group." And so this girl will not be coming back. Her best friend, who has had endless emotional issues this year, had a melt down. The following days brought a lot of fear. Fear of the other girls following suit and quitting. These days are so hard. I find myself reacting to them, or trying to get to them. I wonder if anything we are doing is successful, if it is all just moments away from blowing up and falling apart. Fear leads to pandering. They become the center, not me, which leads to all sorts of confusion and regrets.

Luckily we have Liz Novine, the guidance counselor. She gave reassurance and a good reminder of what we are trying to do. I felt like I could go back and remember why I was here. We are here to help, not to force. We are here to have fun, not to fight. Oh, and I'm the adult. Sometimes I forget that too, humiliating as that may be.

The rest of the week picked up.

From 35,000 feet...

Getting ready to fly away for two weeks- I already feel distance from the day to day demands. And it is good. We need time to remember what it is we are trying to accomplish because the logistics of everyday and the emotional investment required in dealing with 20 adolescent girls doesn't leave much energy for vision--

I think the most important outcome of Perfect Ten is helping the girls have access to a vision of themselves in the future that is worthy of them. They need to feel entitled to more than the hand they were dealt at birth -- and the need to develop the skills to play in a bigger game. I think Saturday mentors and field trips and guest instructors all have the same agenda.... I want every girl to think "YES, I could do that...." I could be a scientist, work in a museum, make radio programs, be an artist... I can make my own life and I know people who will help me do it..."

Somehow we need to figure out how to make this an explicit part of what we do...

Mentor Madness

We had the first mentor meeting on Saturday and I've been smoothed out and smiling ever since... We are on our way now. It takes a village to make an Independent Woman and by god we have one! The sight of all these really cool committed compassionate people who have said "YES, we will help.." makes me want to weep for joy. I feel more optimistic than I have in a while-- something is bound to work. If a few girls are motivated by the program, and a few more by internships and a few more through relationships with the mentors we will rock the world. Whaaaa whoo!!

Once of the unanticipated consequences of the mentor program is I feel very supported-- Kate and I trudge on through good days and bad but it has often felt like lonely work. We both know there is much more we need to do but I will look forward to the Saturday outings with the mentors as another benchmark-- and another source of feedback and ideas. This is going to be very very important.

The next hard thing will be girl wrangling-- getting them there.

At Local Ocean.

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