[perhapsatransguy]

Just wanted to come here to say that today I officially got my first binder

I've never felt more trans (in a good way I think) than wearing it for the first time lol

I just wanted to have a date to look back at so I'm here. I reached out to Point of Pride through their free chest binder program and it took a few months but it's here! I had it delivered to a friends house and they got it to me today.

I'm feeling a lot right now, it's all good, but I don't know how to put everything into words so I'll probably post again soon to document my thoughts.

Just a reminder that this page is pretty much a journal for myself since I don't feel entirely safe keeping anything physically in my house or constantly on my phone so it may be rambling and random but it's mainly for me. If anyone else gets anything out of it all the better

[perhapsatransguy]

A Predicament

So. I have this friend I've been spending a lot more time with recently since the rest of our friend group has slowly been crumbling (it's a great time), and I've always thought she was cute, but we're just friends right? Right?

About a year or so ago I was just starting to REALLY question gender identity stuff and I wasn't really talking about it (I'm still not) but I did mention wanting to dress more masc/androgynous so who knows what my friends were thinking. But I'm questioning things and one day this friend and I are talking and she goes "I think you would make a very attractive guy."

Ah

And then she follows that with, "I'd date you if you were a guy."

AH

So I just kind of laugh it off because, I'm not a guy and she's straight right?

I'm here now.

And she just recently realized she's queer.

Tldr; My friend said she'd date me if I was a guy. Turns out I'm a guy and she's bisexual. What do I do? I'm scared because obviously I love being her friend but what if, you know?

Idk, been on my mind for a while now and wanted to spill somewhere 😅 any advice is appreciated lol

[perhapsatransguy]

PHM fans hear me out.

I'm not super involved in the fandom, I look at and thoroughly enjoy all of it that comes across my feed but I've not dug very deep so maybe this has already been done/talked about but I really want to see someone do something for Project Hail Mary with *How Do You Talk To A Star by Everybody's Worried About Owen*.

There's just so much potential I feel.

"How do you talk to a star? Keep your body nice and shielded from all that heat How do you show them who you are, without the radiation paralyzing the deepest parts of me?

^(Very Rocky and Grace coded if you ask me)

It's funny how you spent the days Being a beacon for me and my hopscotch plays I got a desk drawer full of letters that I never sent you 'cause you were just too far away

^(Could be Rocky or Stratt/Stratt pov)

One card, and a table in the corner White boots and a tongue that's feeling extra dry Then we eclipse, my mind is heavy, gravel in my alveoli I wish I could take in your warmth, but I go

Cold Cold

^(End is just very fitting again for Grace and Rocky's relationship/situation)

There's something caught in your teeth A smile bigger than Andromeda Unexplored potential beckons me into a Hans Zimmer aria

(Hans Zimmer aria? Come on.)

But the thermosphere is burning up (ooh-ooh) And I've a pension for cowardice (ooh-ooh) Ruddy cheeks as I look up at the estate in my head that you founded, and I go

Cold, cold (cold)

^(A PENSION FOR COWARDICE YOU SAY??)

And everybody has a purpose in someone else's life And you have given me more than I know what to do with Whoa, and I never looked back for the baseball cap The bowling alley at midnight, shit beer on tap And you are a lithograph, sketching my history Under the floodlights, you look more like God to me You're way too fucked up, you're way too tough Three shots of tequila to speed you up And I guess what I'm trying to say here is thank you

But I go Cold

^(This could be made to fit Rocky with some lines but like tell me that this paragraph isn't Grace talking to Stratt?)

That is all. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. 🙂‍↕️

[perhapsatransguy]

Just a few days ago I was talking with my sister and mom and my sister says something about my aesthetic becoming that of a teenage boy in the eighties (don't quite now if she meant it as a compliment but I sure took it as one) and my mom goes "your dad always wanted a son" and I just have to sit there like, guess what? He probably does have one! But you wouldn't believe me and would probably think I'm crazy and just yell at me until I lie again saying it was just me being confused so, yeah. I'm having a great time

[perhapsatransguy]

Don't we all love when you're feeling kind of good about yourself for a while like, 'yeah I've been feeling kind of masc recently maybe I don't completely hate my body' and hearing this your body goes "oh, you're feeling good about yourself? I can help with that!" And gives you your period early. Like, thanks, I really needed that rn 🥲 and I'm on vacation in very close quarters with my super religious family? Great. Awesome. I love this so much

[xaviers-a-freak]

Need to find other trans men trying to make up for lost time

Wdym u never got to do donuts in an abandoned movie theater parking lot?

Never ate a whole rotisserie chicken?

Never fist fought a bro for fun?

I need a lost boys style band of tmen going out, smoking cigarettes, drinking wtvr they can get, and doing dumb shit.

Who's with me?

[perhapsatransguy]

Background info

Just some info on myself and where I'm at, I'm seventeen years old, I've grown up in a very religious household (aka homophobic/transphobic and all that jazz) but as I got older I realized that I was pansexual at the ripe age of ten-ish, I came out to some friends and that all went well, a lot of them have also realized they're gay since and I think we all take care of each other pretty well.

As for gender identity ever since I started actually learning about the lgbtq+ community I've had questions about who I really am but I pushed it to the side when my parents found out some stuff and I realized I needed to get better at hiding things, but a little over a year ago I started really thinking about it again. It was on a trip with some family friends that I realized that things might be more serious than I previously thought. I looked at the boys in the other family (I just have sisters) and just felt this jealousy inside of me, I've always been more masc than my sisters but I never really wanted to just be a "tomboy" and suddenly I was plagued by thoughts of being a guy.

Ever since then those thoughts and feelings have just grown. As far as next steps go I haven't done much, the most that's happened is I got a shorter haircut, thankfully I'd been talking about wanting to cut my hair short for a while so my parents didn't really think much of it, I'm looking for a way to get a binder but that's about it, I haven't told any of my friends what's going on, it's not that I don't think they'll support me or anything but I'm just scared of being wrong I guess.

That's basically why I'm here, to create physical evidence of what I'm going through that I can look back at, I don't know how frequently I'll say things but yeah. Idk my name, idk my pronouns, but I'm here.

[perhapsatransguy]

hey, I'm just here

So I've had the idea to do this for a little while now but I'm just getting around to it, but I'm pretty much here just to document my life as probably a trans guy? I don't really know and that's kind of the point! I'm just going to post rambles about my life as I try to figure things out and hopefully be entertaining or helpful to others out there so let's see where this goes 😅