The PhD Pensieve (side blog)

Main Blog : @thephdpensieve. All things art, aesthetic and awe-inspiring.

[waitingforthesunrise]

Just realized that the reason I love making friends on tumblr is because it’s exactly how you make friends on the playground as a six year old. No, I don’t know their name but they love mermaids too and built this awesome sand castle. No, I don’t know their age but their imaginary cheetah is friends with mine. You like this show? You like this character?? You can sing the theme song really loud??? Here is a flower crown. Here is a juice box. You can share my time and I might never see you again but part of you stays in my soul forever. In my mind we’re still on the swing set and the sky is blue and nothing will ever be wrong again.

[pennypaperbrain]

This is god-tier sociological analysis.

[thephdpensieve]

16/100 days of productivity • 09-11-23, Thursday

--- A very late post ----

It's been 13 days since I last updated here. My flu got worse and I was so tired for three days since my last post here. And for the next few days I was fatigued and maybe a bit lazy to open my laptop to write a post. I had made this draft on the 14th of November and had not posted.

I am sharing this post today, without making any chnage except for adding this note, because I want to continue where I left off. I did have a few productive days is the past two weeks, but I could not follow my #NoZeroDays rule. I would remember to take a picture for Tumblr but I felt too tired to post them here.

So I will try to catch up for the lost days with two posts - one for a week and update everything that happened. I do actually have a LOT to share here. Lots of exciting news! I missed posting here, I missed talking to the people here.

About 9th November:

Meeting with Stender @ 2:45pm - 3:45pm

Made timeline for upcoming projects

Went to the health center again. Got an injection. Hope this cold goes away soon

Made fried idly for dinner with Pra

Slept by 10:30 pm

[phdpensieve]

I find people weird when they say "it's for the best. God has better plans for me" right after a rejection. I think I'm not there yet. I don't want to have that maturity yet.

I still take 2-3 business days to process my disappointment.

[killrockstar]

thriftbooks better world books half-price books wonder book pangobooks libgen archive.org ubuweb kanopy (library card required; free) tubi pluto tv

storygraph

abebooks, book depository, and goodreads are all owned my amazon.

[taichi-kungfu-online]

[thephdpensieve]

Mental Health Tip

Asking is the antidote to anxiety

6/100 days of productivity • 30-Oct-23, Monday

We often get caught up in our thoughts, especially the spiraling ones, and we forget that there is a way out. The spiral has a way out, but we think it's a circle. Sometimes, the way out is to ask for help and take a helping hand.

It is impossible to see this when you are in the spiral. You only see the light after you get out. That is the most annoying, trickiest part of this anxiety business.

Today I took a chance. I had been worrying about facing my PhD advisor for weeks because I had made no progress. And I couldn't move a bit forward because I was paralyzed by guilt. The only way to break this loop was to talk to my advisor -- accept that I needed help and reach out to him.

Man, that made a huge difference! It took a huge weight off of my chest and I could sit at my desk without feeling the urge to bolt out the door. And today's productivity is all because I asked.

About today:

Talk to my advisor about my anxiety and ask for support This was an unexpected good thing. I did not think talking to my advisor would lift my mood or even give me the motivation to work!

Start working on project 2. Spend time on the code, and ask for help if stuck • If the work flows, go with the flow (It did! so I added a few tasks) • Get the code running: memRC for time series prediction

Return to room @ 4:30 pm. Relax and watch Coursera lectures Chose to stay in the lab and work on the code

Work for 30 mins on Mindfulness course

Turn off phone by 9:30 pm. Wind down, meditate for 10 mins.

Sleep with guided meditation

[coriquette]

I forget how intelligent I am until I write.

Re-reading my journal and being shocked of how wise that old lady is, and how much she has been through but despise that she continues, the old lady actually being me, a twenty year old.

[thephdpensieve]

Asking: the antidote to anxiety

6/100 days of productivity • 30-Oct-23, Monday

We often get caught up in our thoughts, especially the spiraling ones, and we forget that there is a way out. The spiral has a way out, but we think it's a circle. Sometimes, the way out is to ask for help and take a helping hand.

It is impossible to see this when you are in the spiral. You only see the light after you get out. That is the most annoying, trickiest part of this anxiety business.

Today I took a chance. I had been worrying about facing my PhD advisor for weeks because I had made no progress. And I couldn't move a bit forward because I was paralyzed by guilt. The only way to break this loop was to talk to my advisor -- accept that I needed help and reach out to him.

Man, that made a huge difference! It took a huge weight off of my chest and I could sit at my desk without feeling the urge to bolt out the door. And today's productivity is all because I asked.

About today:

Talk to my advisor about my anxiety and ask for support This was an unexpected good thing. I did not think talking to my advisor would lift my mood or even give me the motivation to work!

Start working on project 2. Spend time on the code, and ask for help if stuck • If the work flows, go with the flow (It did! so I added a few tasks) • Get the code running: memRC for time series prediction

Return to room @ 4:30 pm. Relax and watch Coursera lectures Chose to stay in the lab and work on the code

Work for 30 mins on Mindfulness course

Turn off phone by 9:30 pm. Wind down, meditate for 10 mins.

Sleep with guided meditation

[thephdpensieve]

5/100 days of productivity • 29-Oct-23, Sunday

About today

Still could not get out of my PhD slump. Been feeling guilty all day. So if you have any hacks, please feel free to share <3

Went to lab and sat at desk for sometime, snacking on some mishti doi, a traditional Bengali dish that's sweetened cooked yogurt. (I live on campus, so going to lab is like taking a break from my room. Applies vice versa too)

Rested well, took an afternoon nap and feeling better with my cramps all gone

Cooked dinner - made chapati and paneer gravy

Exploring the first week of this #100daysOfProductvity thing, I am wondering if I should set Sundays to be strictly rest & recreation only. For, we all need time to wind down. But with my PhD schedule, I am not making such decisions right now. Once I get into the rhythm, I can take days off fully. Till then we are going with #NoZeroDays on Sundays too.

So how was your weekend, people?

[flowerytale]

Natalie Babbitt, from Tuck Everlasting

[thephdpensieve]

4/100 days of productivity • 28-Oct-23, Saturday

About today

Still sick and today my cramps got worse and then by afternoon I felt better

Took myself out for dinner - instead of ordering and staying in the room all day. And met a friend on the way who also joined! So it was a peaceful and fun night. The food was amazing and we had gelato 😍

Finished the painting from yesterday and started a new one. Exploring and learning new styles.

Didn't work a bit on my PhD stuff. Feeling guilty (this is reasonable)

Planned to get things done for tomorrow - We need results, people! Results! To show to our guide on Monday!

[thephdpensieve]

Organization Tip

Manageable Chaos & Maintainable Entropy

There was a point when no matter how many times I organize and and declutter and deep clean my room, it would just go back to being messy. It was a cycle of perfectly organized and unbearably chaotic with no in-between. That's when I found this idea, borrowing some Physics concepts (for I am a Physicist, through and through)

The key is finding the balance between:

Maintainable entropy: No matter how neat and perfectly organized you set your desk/room up, it always gets a little messy in 2-3 days. When you use your space, when you work with your things, it is bound to get disordered. And that's your maintainable entropy (a.k.a measure of disorder). You don't have to keep your space perfectly organized, just maintain it at this level of entropy. It's unrealistic to live in a room and maintain it like nobody touches anything. So embrace the entropy!

Manageable chaos: This is the maximum level of 'mess' that you can work with. How messy can your room get before it affects your mood or productivity. This is often less than the level where you can't even sit/sleep in your room without nudging away things - that's beyond your workable level. That is your manageable chaos. So find that level and when you seem to cross it, organize your room immediately. If it's within your level, and you have time, organize; if you don't have time, just maintain at that level and organize as soon as you get time.

When you try to keep everything pristine and perfect, you get too tired. And that's when the mess builds up and chaos reigns!

Perfection is the enemy of done.

So if you maintain your room in the maintainable entropy level, and keep it under your manageable level of chaos - your room will be consistently organized and neat! 🌻

[vangoghcore]

by massimosimigliani

[phdpensieve]

A sunset at the sunflowers'

Completed a painting that I was postponing since September. When the body is tired and mind is fogged, the heart finds a way to quench it's thirst.

Inspired by a painting of Anastasia Truvosa - trying to learn new styles of acrylic art.

The photo is something I found accidentally tonight while searching about the direction of sunflowers at sunset. AFTER I finished the painting. I just couldn't shake off the uncanny similarity between the painting and the picture, right?

[thephdpensieve]

Rewiring: the idea of productivity

3/100 days of productivity • 27-Oct-23, Friday

In light of my #NoZeroDays promise I didn't want to let this day go "unproductive". I have been struggling with untying my self-worth with my productivity level. And hence by extension to my PhD progress. I feel so guilty that I didn't work on my PhD at all. But I just couldn't get myself to work - It's something I've been struggling for the past few weeks. So I decided to be productive in a different way: art.

Productivity is not just academic work. Productivity shouldn't mean working full 8 hours on your PhD. You don't have to be 'productive' when you are sick. Taking rest is not unproductive. Indulging in a hobby is not unproductive. Moving slowly is not unproductive.

-- this is something I told myself today. I don't know if I fully believe when I say this, but I want to ❤️

About today

Still sick. I was so tired and demotivated today. Couldn't sleep early last night and so the day began at noon today

Lunch and dinner with friends

Completed a painting that I was postponing since september. It's called A sunset at the sunflowers' 🌻

Started a new painting, which is at 80% completion. (it's in the picture)

I hope tomorrow will be better and I want to be able to stick to my plan🤞🏼

[phdpensieve]

So now when we say productive, it's not the typical, capitalist idea of work, but doing anything (or sometimes nothing) to keep our mind from idleness! 🌻

[notetaeker]

I hope everyone recognizes that the more we normalize genocide, the more it can happen to us. The more we want people to stop posting about palestine because it's depressing, the more we prove prove to powerful entities that we, as a world, do not care about oppression if it goes on for long enough. That even if is being TELEVISED on every social media, they can get away with it if they have enough resources. The more this happens, the more vulnerable we ALL are to this kind of treatment.

Don't think you are safe because you are physically far from the situation and you don't identify with these people. The more things evil people with money and power think they can get away with, the more they will try.

"First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me." —Martin Niemöller

[phdpensieve]

Silence is support to the oppressor

[why-the-heck-not]

27.10.23, friday

things done today:

3h of stupid stuff I’ve been putting off this whole week

a walk ft. the grocery store, plus also another walk bc I was procrastinating on the stupid stuff