idk when we decided that explaining yourself shouldn't be part of an apology but like. if someone was a dick to me and apologizes but I still don't understand why they did it I'm not gonna feel any better
"Sorry for hurting your feelings earlier. I was trying to say x, but I guess it came across wrong. I don't think you're stupid."
or
"Sorry I snapped at you. I didn't get enough sleep last night so my patience is a little low today."
is a better apology than
"I want you to know that I am sorry that my actions offended you. I take full accountability for my actions and I am listening and learning. I hear you."
People have started to equate explanation with excuse when they are NOT the same. You aren't excusing your actions if you explain them. "Hi I'm sorry I was so snappy earlier, I didn't get enough sleep last night but that's not on you and I'm going to be a little more careful with my tone" is very different from "You can't be mad at me because there was a good reason I was rude"
Agreed. The explanation is important because it confirms the offending behaviour was because we're all human and make mistakes, and not because that person was specifically out to get you. Explaining where you went wrong is just good communication. Also, a person who can't identify what upset you or why the behaviour happened is more likely to do it again, regardless of how well (or psychobabbly) worded their apology is otherwise.
