玥伶 | 95-er | Singaporean
林距離 | Cassiopeia | SHINee World | ARMY
Opened in May 2012
Established in October 2011
Photo Credit: Night Breeze
Requests Status : On Hold
(180116) @bumkeyk: hello, this is shinee’s key. i’m talking to you guys for the first time in a while. i’ve been thinking a lot lately and even though it’s a bit late, i figured it would be good to say it myself. ahead of our upcoming tour, i will be greeting you guys through a prerecorded reality show with boa. some might find it a bit early, but i’m planning to pull myself together and return to daily life. the other members are trying to get back on their feet as well. we can’t say that what happened with jonghyun was a breaking point. that would worry jonghyun, his family, and many other people. it’s upsetting that i can’t see him at the moment, but i know he’s waiting for me just around the corner. now more than ever, i want to gain strength and keep jonghyun in our presence as we promote, rather than trying to fill up his space. it might be too much to ask, but i hope that whenever and wherever you see us, you will treat us and love us like you always have. i would be very thankful for that. if you continue to support us so that we can hang in there, we promise we won’t disappoint. thank you. (source: soompi)
(171221) @bumkeyk: to jonghyunnie hyung who i love … hyung. it’s kibum~. today, we let hyung go and i saw your face yesterday and i still can’t believe it.
i’m sorry i was late to see hyung because i was doing other work and, as a dongsaeng, i’m sorry i couldn’t be your strength when you must have been lonely all this time.
the two top people responsible for stubbornness on our team is hyung and me so we have to do what we want to do. we do everything we want to do and, even to the end, hyung decided for yourself and hyung left first …
it was too hard in the beginning but, for three days, i had time just between hyung and me and i think i can understand hyung’s heart. don’t worry too much that you left before us, and i will take care of and respect your mom and noona like they’re my own family.
i will miss you a lot for awhile. i’m really worried that the person who would take my side during discussions has left. while we were in discussions, if i snapped out of it while chatting, it was hyung and me talking to our hearts’ content … now i have to get used to time without hyung and i will live even better than i am now. when i’m old and when it’s time for us to meet again, tell me i worked hard too!
the best artist of my life, friend, hyung and colleague, jonghyunnie hyung. you worked hard. i love you so much.
2017.12.21 (source: sonexstella)
“That’s you, and there’s no one who won’t love you because there’s a different you. I like you a ton, I love you, I want to pat you on the back and I wanted to embrace you just one more time.That’s what I was able to do but I hate myself for regretting it like this after losing the opportunity. I’m so sad, it’s so wasteful, our precious Jonghyunnie. If I call and say your name, I feel like you’ll say “Yeah!” in a high tone, I miss you a lot, our Jonghyunnie. I’m sorry noona couldn’t hug you a lot, I’m sorry, I love you and thank you. I remember you saying that you wrote “Lonely” thinking of noona and all that process. We are similar. We resemble each other. We know those feelings. Kim Jonghyun, who is the most unique, cool and incredible artist in my life, I really miss you a lot and I want to hold your hand. Jonghyun-ah, you are the best. You really worked hard I’ll make sure you’re not lonely.”
translation credits: @sonexstella!
Let’s embrace Taeyeon with love. “태연아, 우리가 너를 외롭지않게 해줄게” (Taeyeon-ah, we will make sure you’re not lonely).
“If only they had been there earlier. Perhaps a minute earlier would have saved his life.” These thoughts kept running through my head.
But let’s not spread more hate. Let him rest in peace.
There are reports (xx) saying that Sodam received the message at around 4.50pm, and police arrived between 6.10pm to 6.45pm. But we don’t know what time Sodam called the police, what kind of roadblocks the police might have faced. We don’t even know if the reports are true.
Therefore, whatever it was, let’s just put it behind and send him off with a smile.
It’s painful enough that we’ve lost someone so dear to all of us. Let’s not make it even more distressing than it already is.
to early emphasis: dear cloud’s nine has confirmed that she was asked by jonghyun to post his final note before passing to fans. she has also confirmed that she was given the blessing from his family to share it with the world. you can find confirmation of this here. below will be proper triggers for this post as it is not easy to read. i will also leave nine’s comment that she left on her post as it is important in regards to why she was asked to post it. if you feel that i have missed any please do not hesitation message me on my personal blog (jaekyung) and i will add them as quickly as i am able to. also thank you to sonexstella for translating.
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trigger warning(s): death tw, depression tw, suicide ideation tw, suicide tw
nine: i said my final goodbye with jonghyunnie. even after seeing his smiling portrait of the deceased, it still feels like jonghyunnie will come to me and smile as if all of this was a dream.
starting from awhile back, jonghyunnie told me his dark and deep internal stories. i think each day was very difficult for him. i kept having uneasy thoughts so i made it known to his family and tried my hardest to capture his heart but it only ended up postponing time and i could not block his last (action).
i still cannot believe he is not in this world and it’s so painful. i’m still afraid, not knowing if it’s the right thing to upload these words but jonghyun himself asked me to please upload these words if he disappeared from this world. i wished this day would never come …
after discussing with his family i am uploading his final note, according to his last wishes. i think that there must be a reason why he left this up to me. i worry that there will be controversy. however, i think that he predicted this and asked me, so i decided that i will do the one last thing i can do for jonghyunnie.
i hope everyone knows now that jonghyun was not alone and that he worked hard … that he did really well … please thank him for withstanding well …
beautiful jonghyun, i really love you a lot. going forward, i will love you a lot. in that place, please don’t be in pain and i hope you will be peaceful …
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i am broken from the inside. depression that slowly ate away at me ended up swallowing me. i couldn’t beat it. i hated myself. i held onto memories that have died out and, even though i shouted to snap out of it, there was no response. if suffocating breaths will not open up it’s better instead to stop.
i asked who can take responsibility for myself. it’s you. i was completely alone. it’s easy to say you’ll end it. it’s hard to end it. i lived up to now admist that difficulty. you said i wanted to run away. that’s right. i wanted to run away. from myself. from you.
i asked who was there. i said it was me. again, it was me. and once again, it was me. i asked why i kept losing memories. it’s my personality. i see. in the end, it’s all my fault.
i hoped someone would notice, but no one knew. never met me, so of course, no one knew i was there. i asked why i was living. just. just. everyone just lives. if i asked why someone would die, you would say you’re exhausted. i suffered from concern. i never learned how to change tiresome pains into joy. pain is just pain.
i urged myself not to be like that. why? why can’t i end it according to my own will? i tried to find out why i was in pain. i knew too well. i am in pain because of myself. it’s all because it’s my fault and because i’m foolish.
teacher, did you want to hear these words? no. i did nothing wrong. when he blamed my personality with a quiet voice i thought it was so easy to be a doctor.
it’s fascinating to see why i’m in this much pain. people who have more hardships than i do live well. people who are weaker than me live well. maybe that’s not it. of people who are alive, there is no one who has more hardships than i do, and who is weaker than i am.
despite this, i was told to live. i asked why this is the case a hundred times, and it’s never for me. it’s for you. i wanted it to be for me. please don’t say things you don’t know. find out why it’s difficult. i told you many times why it’s difficult for me. with that, is it not possible for it to be this difficult? does there need to be more concrete drama? are you wanting more of a story? i already told you. did you not pay attention? what i can overcome doesn’t leave a scar.
colliding with the world must not have been my fate. being known to the world must not have been my life. that’s why everything was difficult. colliding, and being known was difficult. why did i chose that. it’s a funny incident.
it’s commendable that i was able to withstand up to this point. what more can i say? just tell me i worked hard. that i did a good job. that i went through a lot. even if you can’t smile, please don’t send me off in blame.
you worked hard. you went through a lot. goodbye.
He was starting to get restless. With his hand pushed deep into his pocket, and the other fiddling with the buttons of his iPod, skipping every song that had been shuffled to. His thighs were aching too, but the lack of something to do when seated had put him off. He did like dancing to Warrior and Touch My Body, despite them not keeping his interest long enough to be left playing till the end.
The rain was pouring, had been pouring since late afternoon. When he first caught sight of the downpour through the tinted windows of his singing class, he should have known better to text one of his managers straightaway, asking to be picked up when school ended. It was too late for that now.
He had initially thought to run through the storm. Though he had called for help almost immediately after his last class, he knew better than to hope that help would come anytime soon – six in the evening was a time when idols were on their way to schedules.
He had since stopped glancing at his watch every other minute, counting down the time to the end of his members’ filming. He did remember Taehyung and Hoseok having to attend some music talk show, and Namjoon filming Problematic Men as per the norm. It would most probably be a few more hours before the managers were free to come fetch him.
I Need U was blasting into his eardrums now, and ironically, the only song that he had left untouched after the first chorus. Having just finished promotions for said song, the dance steps came to him naturally, and he relished in it. Moving to its beats kept him occupied.
He didn’t hear when she first called out, couldn’t. The music was playing way too loudly, a volume that Seok Jin would have frowned upon. But when it finally hit the last note, with him slightly breathless and shirt slightly rumpled, the voice was clear amidst the pitter-patter of the raindrops on the sidewalks.
He spun around, the soles of his shoes squeaking against the wet pavement, and spotted her immediately. Perched at the top of the colourful, bricked wall that welcomed all students and visitors to their school of the arts, hair wildly styled by the strong wind. He was surprised he didn’t notice her in the hours he had spent waiting.
“Do you want to sit?” she had repeated, midway through his staring. She hadn’t notice him pressing the button to pause his playback a while ago, to catch her saying it the first time. “You should seat.”
Her legs were propped up, feet balancing on the edge, knees almost covering her face. A textbook was opened on her thighs, her other belongings scattered around her. She was definitely making herself at home at the weirdest place possible.
Out of pure curiousity, and perhaps to humour both himself and her, he approached her. She was back to her textbook now, a pen between her lips, possibly chewing the tip. He squinted, trying to make out the title; it did look like one of his textbooks too, though he wasn’t so sure about her being in one of his classes. Then again, he wasn’t one to always go to school.
As he got nearer, the fact that she wasn’t wearing the skirt all female students were supposed to don struck him. The piece of information was obvious enough, what with the way she was seated, though he had found it odd that it had managed to escape the eyes of their discipline master.
She seemed to have caught him looking, for she answered soon enough, “I took it off after classes.” Her eyes never left the book as she flipped the page. “That darn skirt needs to be banished from the school uniform. And boys like you would have stared even more if I wore that skirt, won’t you?”
At him lowering his eyes, she laughed. “Fine, not you. You appear nice enough. Other boys then.” He was right below her now, and she inched away from him, clearing her bag and stationery. “Here, sit,” she patted the empty space. “You’ve been standing for way too long. It’s about time I take pity on you.”
Thinking that a girl who hates skirt would probably do him no wrong, he did as he was told. It was then, just seconds before his climb, did he realised that the wall was higher than he had thought, and began to question her again. He was certain though, that if he posed the question, the answer that he would get in return would be something he hadn’t expect, just like the rest of her one-sided conversation with him had been.
Dropping his bag, he jumped, his height giving him leverage as he caught the edge easily and swung himself up, stumbling and almost loosing his footing when his grip wavered. He took in her look of astonishment, and the subtle look of pure admiration underneath, as he plopped down beside her, uniform even more crumpled than before. The ledge was narrow, too small for him, and he moved around, trying to find a comfortable position. It took him some time, but he finally settled for sideways, facing her.
“That’s so cool,” her eyes shone as she spoke. “I could never do that. Is it the tall genes?”
He shrugged, raising his eyebrows at her. As if reading his thoughts again, she answered his unspoken question. “I came from behind. Broke into one of the classrooms on the second floor, and went through the windows,” she abandoned her pen, grabbing a highlighter. “Get a book. Aren’t you bored of waiting yet?”
The next hour was then spent in silence. At the beginning, it had been awkward. He had never pegged her for the type to be capable of not talking, especially when she had a companion. She had just been so talkative from the second they had met. Then there was the fact that he had been restless, still was, after her novelty had worn off. She wasn’t all that interesting either when she wasn’t speaking.
It was still somewhat comfortable, nonetheless. With her, diligently studying and making notes, and him, reading the textbook over her shoulder. Halfway through a chapter on Mozart, she had became aware of him breathing down her neck, and had tried to inch the book towards him subtly. Needless to say, she then started to stay on each page longer than necessary, and made extra care not to block his view.
They had just finished Chopin’s life story when her concentration wavered. Stifling a yawn, she stretched her limbs, textbook slipping as she let her legs drop and dangle down the wall. “Gosh, it’s late,” she swiped at her phone, eyebrows furrowing after reading a message. “I need to go before I get slaughtered.”
He let himself down the wall as she packed, his fall down much more perfect than his climb up had been. She was still stuffing her belongings into her bag haphazardly when he prodded her red Converse lazily. Namjoon would most definitely like her; it was a high-cut too.
Then, extending his hand out to her, he waited as she stared at him quizzically, chuckled when she was met with no response, grabbed her bag, slipped her hand into his, and jumped. He caught her petite frame by the waist easily, the other hand going round her back to hold her steady and guiding her back onto her feet.
“Thanks!” she was already skipping down the corridor, in the direction of the bus stop. He almost pulled a face at the fact that she didn’t wait for him. “I really need to run now, else I’m going to be in deep, deep trouble.” She grimaced at that thought. “Sorry I can’t stay around to wait with you any longer. But it has stopped raining, so maybe you can go back home by yourself?”
Just as she was about to vanish around the corner, she skidded to a halt, almost falling due to the lack of friction between the wet pavement and her shoes. Waving, she yelled, “It’s been fun hanging out with you! I’ll see you tomo – “ she paused, contemplating, “I’ll see you around!”
He smiled; she was starting to grow on him. He supposed he could get used to her being around.
She flinched, shoulders jerking, her phone almost slipping from her grasp. She heard him reply with what seemed like a faint chuckle, covered by a light cough. Huffing out in frustration, she slapped on the best smile she could muster before turning around, only to gasp in surprise at their close proximity and miss a footing in her haste to step backwards.
In what seemed like pure instinct, his arm was quick to reach out to grab her by the wrist, pulling her back in. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” his eyes were twinkling in amusement under the dim street lamp as he rubbed circles around her wrist – he did use a tad too much force earlier. “Are you waiting for someone?”
She nodded, distracted by the ghost of his fingers on her skin. The invasion of personal space didn’t help much either. The whiff of his deodorant was strong, and mixed with the earthy smell of rain, had became overwhelming. She began to trace the swirls on the buttons of his shirt absentmindedly, and because she can, moved on to the checkered patterns on his belt shortly.
It had been a great diversion for her, what with his undivided attention on her, until it dawned upon her that he was waiting not only for a reply, but her voice. Or so was what she had concluded, for the Lee Taemin had no reason to be standing outside the company building with her. And he seemed to confirm her suspicions right after, when she glanced up and caught him staring at her so expectantly, without even a bat of an eyelid.
She cleared her throat, only to be even more embarrassed by her failed attempt to save the awkward situation. “My sister’s near,” she forced her smile wider in a bid to hide her wandering eyes. “She’s running an errand, and will pick me up after.”
He frowned, and she half-thought that he might have seen through her lie. She did bragged about her sister taking a degree in an acclaimed university overseas the other day, to a fellow dancer, if she remembered right.
“She’s taking awfully long though,” a quick look at her watch, and the hand still lingering beside it, told her that she had been waiting for almost an hour. “Do you want to share instead? I’m heading in the direction of the bus stop anyway,” he produced an umbrella from behind his back, swinging it before her, as if mocking her for her lack of one.
Horrified at the mere thought of having to spend the next fifteen minutes with him, she shook her head. It had been a long day, and she really didn’t need to be dealing with an idol now, especially a Lee Taemin. Her weak excuses, one that involved the game she had been playing on her phone the past hour, were already at the tip of her tongue, before she was yanked forward by that same hand.
Less than a second later, she was surrounded by the sounds of the pelted raindrops on the umbrella overhead, completed by the splashing of puddles underneath. An arm soon sneaked around her shoulders, fitting snugly at the crook of her neck for a tad too long before moving down and nudging her in. She had shivered involuntarily – she was clad in a sleeveless shirt after all.
She had half-expected him to ask the inevitable, perhaps even offer his jacket. She had always pegged him to be a gentleman. He, however, seemed to have not noticed it and was pondering on something else altogether.
“Do you dislike us?” his steps were heavy, and walking alongside him had made her shoes soaked. “You’ve been avoiding us.”
She shrugged. Does she? She really didn’t know. It had just been natural instinct, to stay clear of idols. She had seen what being close to them had done to some, and would rather continue being a spectator. She made no efforts to continue the conversation any further, and he left it at that.
The walk to the bus stop had been brisk, the silence somewhat comforting. She didn’t think that she could handle anymore of Lee Taemin, especially not with his breath tickling the back of her ear every other minute. She should have known to wear shoes with thinner soles.
Once under the shelter of the bus stop, she had stepped away hurriedly, body already bending into a bow in gratitude for what he had done, when he spoke up again. “Is your sister coming soon?”
She plopped down on the bench, eyeing him from the corner of her eyes. “No,” she answered truthfully. “It’s five in the morning. Did you really think that she would come?”
For a split second, she could have sworn that she had stunned him. But then a tight smile appeared, one that she recognised all too well, and she almost wanted to duck her head in shame for having put him through a person as distasteful as herself.
“No,” his reply was short, clipped. “But I didn’t think that you would lie either.”
Not liking where the conversation was heading, she started to distract herself again. This time, it was the drawing of his facial features. Not long after, she was beginning to notice them again – the exhaustion that laid in every nook and canny of his face, that sat alongside the many near-falls and wrong steps in the practice earlier. Sighing, she took to picking on the stray thread on her shirt. Lee Taemin was no longer a great source of distraction.
His retreating footsteps were soon heard, snapping her back to reality. Her head spun, watching that lean back of his becoming smaller and smaller with each step, and the unmistakable darker shade on only one sleeve of his shirt, the fabric clinging onto his skin uncomfortably. And that was when she decided to go against her own rules and call out.
“That’d make both of us then. Other than a bed, where else would you have needed to be at five in the morning?”
She thought she saw him slow down, contemplate about her words, but she wasn’t sure.
Later, when the first bus rolled in after she completed almost a hundred plays and ten level-ups, she spotted him sipping at what looked like his tenth bottle of Starbucks at the midnight convenience store opposite, sleeve now dry. He must have seen her too, staring out of the window as she settled down in her seat, for he stepped out of the store right as the bus moved off, sending her off with an intent stare.
Feeling the need to at least try, she flashed a small smile, hoping that it was one that showed her gratitude for that umbrella shared and the company provided.
And perhaps it did, for she received one in return.
To forecast or predict (something future) from present indications or signs; prophesy.
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Kim Joonmyeon can talk, and he can talk very well.
Everyone knows that he can hold his own during variety programmes, always talking at the right times about the right things. Everyone also knows that he can answer interview questions splendidly; the members always count on him to deflect personal questions, changing topics so swiftly that the reporters don’t even have a chance to protest.
But when it comes to her, it seems that he always fails at his attempts to be a smooth-talker.
“Oh,” he had jumped back a little, startled. Fist in the air and eyes widening in surprise, she too, had stepped back from the dressing room immediately, the gap between them further emphasising their awkwardness.
“What – Why –“ he cleared his throat, looking abashed. “Are you looking for someone?”
The meek girl nodded, the rosy tint on her cheeks obvious. She was swirling the ends of her hair as she looked at her clipboard. “Is your manager in? I need to tell him something…” she let herself trail off, closing her eyes for a second to wallow herself in her own embarrassment. Of course she was looking for his manager to tell him something. What other reasons did she have to look for him anyway?
Joonmyeon obviously didn’t notice her predicament, too caught up in his own. “Yes!” he exclaimed, pulling the door opened even wider, only to cringe at his own overly excited voice, and then again, at the fact that he didn’t actually know where his manager was. He had left a while ago to make a call.
“I mean,” he stuttered, his grip on the door handle tightening. “He’s – I don’t – I’ll check. Give me a second.”
Behind him, he swore he heard Chanyeol cackling as Baekhyun and Jongdae sang Wolf, screaming that one part he would rather not hear obnoxiously loud.
Shim Changmin, bless him, was a much better friend than any of his members had been. “Find more opportunities to talk to her,” he had suggested, “both of you would feel more comfortable after invading each other’s lives more often, and I would be saved of all the puppy eyes and blushing.”
Joonmyeon had wanted to thank him for his advice with food after, until he accidentally stumbled upon Baekhyun and Changmin in one of the studios, predicting the number of months he would take to ask out said female.
“I’m betting a year,” Changmin slapped down a note. “He’s too much of a coward to do it in six months.”
And when Baekhyun responded with a “should I change it to two years then?”, he knew that it was time to disown and sever all ties with both of them.
He had to admit though, it was because of their very betting session, that he had finally decided to ‘step up his game’.
“J – Joonmyeon-shhi” she bowed, mostly out of respect, but partly to hide her flushing face. “What are you doing…” she scanned her surroundings, as if only then realising that she was in a canteen, in a SBS building, and he is an idol with filming schedules.
“Running Man,” he supplied helpfully, ignoring her slip. She had always looked cuter trying to hide her cheeks after her mistakes. “Shall we eat together?”
Her eyes shot up, the shade of pink on her face turning crimson red. He inwardly groaned – had that been too forward? He was just about to attempt to save the situation, when his fellow, and least favourite, member popped up beside him, tray of food in hand.
“Eun Bi!” Joonmyeon had elbowed him for his over-the-top enthusiasm then. “Do you work today too?”
“The Show,” she nodded, seemingly more relieved now that Baekhyun had showed up. Joonmyeon’s shoulders tensed – had he really been much too forward? And here he thought that he was getting a hang of this.
“Damn,” Baekhyun cursed. At the side, she giggled at his exaggerated reaction, and Joonmyeon almost wanted to reach out to pet her head. “I thought that you’d be at Running Man with us.”
She shook her head, smile still present on her face. Baekhyun was doing a great job at humouring her, and Joonmyeon didn’t like it. “Studio technician, remember?” she flashed her staff card at them. “Anyway, I’ve got to go. It’s been nice meeting you. Have fun running later!”
She gave them a quick wave, and made a move to walk away. Then, as though second thinking her decision, she spun back around and added, “Bye, Joonmyeon-shhi.”
As Joonmyeon watched her retreating back, huge smile on his face, he was this close to bumping Baekhyun up to his favourite member for helping him in the talking department.
Then he went, “hyung, stop being a creep. At this rate, I’m going to have to up the number of years to infinity,” and Joonmyeon crushed that thought. For that alone, he would probably treat everyone else to beef tomorrow while Baekhyun was out for that baseball pitch.
"If you forget what to say, just drink your coffee really fast so you have to go to the bathroom."
"Stop freaking out, it’ll be fine!"
"Just let it happen naturally"
Taehyung shoved his phone back into his pocket at the lack of helpfulness from his other members. And while they were giving reasonable good words of encouragement, his heart was still beating out of his chest while his stomach took up residence somewhere in his pelvic area. His whole body felt uneasy and out of place, and this really wasn’t the best time to feel like that.
Taehyung let out a frustrated sigh through puffed out cheeks. He bounced his leg so fast he managed to shake his phone out of his pants and onto the floor.
After hearing the clatter, he reached down to pick up the device only to find himself face to feet with a pair of beat up combat boots.
"Taehyungie, did you drop your phone again?" You casually nudged his clueless face with your knee. "I’m surprised your screen isn’t broken yet." You sat down with a smile.
It had to have been at least five years since you met Kim Taehyung, and you couldn’t think of a single moment that either wasn’t spent with him or told to him through one of your two hour long phone calls in the middle of the night. Despite the noise annoying Jungkook and Jimin at one in the morning, Taehyung still managed to take your call and listen to every story you had for him.
"What’s with the sudden craving for coffee?" You questioned. "Usually I’m the one who needs caffeine."
"No reason." He resumed his foot tapping again, practically shaking the entire table and stirring up his room-temperature beverage.
"Are you okay?"
"Fine!"
You shook your head. “Ooookay. Whatever you say, I guess. I mean if you really have to go to the bathroom that badly, you can’t go; I can wait.”
He laughed once. “I don’t have to go to the bathroom. I just—I mean, I need to talk to you.”
You lowered your posture and crossed your legs. “What’s up? Did Namjoon accidentally walk in on you on the toilet again or something?”
"We’ve been friends for a long time, right?" The blond finally ceased his leg shaking. "Like a really long time?"
You nodded simply. “Yeah, we have. Why?”
"I don’t know I just thought, you know. We know each other really well, and I guess I tell you everything, and you tell me everything."
"Should I not tell you things anymore?"
"NO! No, no, no, that’s not what I meant!" Taehyung rapidly waved his hands in your face like you were about to spill your coffee on him. "I didn’t mean that at all!"
"Jesus, Oppa, calm down!"
His face always winced whenever you called him ‘Oppa’. You enjoyed it actually. It was kind of cute since his eyes were fairly large, and it was so obvious he was uncomfortable. Since he was only a few months older than you, you assumed it was beside he didn’t want to feel so old.
"Sorry, I just… I really want to tell you something." He calmed down after a few deep breaths.
You nodded, waiting for him to continue as you watched the cars pass by.
"As I was saying—"
"One venti Pike Roast, light and sweet!" The barista called from the drink station.
"Oh, that’s mine!"
Taehyung rubbed his eyes red, obviously tired of all the interruptions. The words just weren’t coming out right. He knew he would be stuttering through the entire thing until everything that needed to be said came out. There had to be another way to do this…
You sat down with your coffee after taking a few sips.
"Venti?" He raised his eyebrow.
You shrugged. “I didn’t sleep too well last night. Since you were out with the guys and I couldn’t call you, I guess I’m just not used to going to bed without talking to you first.”
Taehyung could feel his heart clenching.
No more waiting.
"Can I see that for a sec?" He motioned towards your paper coffee cup.
"Uh, I guess." You nudged it towards him. "Go crazy."
Reaching for the Sharpie in his pocket, Taehyung sat back and began.
You took small glances at him, careful not to let your curiosity get the best of you. He spent a good two minutes on your cup, staring at it intently for a couple of seconds then bringing his marker back to its surface.
After the two minutes ended, Taehyung lifted the cup over his head and added some scribbles to the very bottom of the paper. With a small sigh and a few nibbles to the inside of his lower lip, he placed your cup down on the table again, and slid it towards you slowly. His face was red, and his eyes were lowered.
"What’d you draw?" You picked up the hot cup, completely unaware of what you were about to see.
On the blank space of the cup, Taehyung wrote you a message. There were a few scribbles here and there, but it was still legible.
Every night, you call and tell me about your day. You tell me about your dreams, and you tell me about your nightmares. Everyday, I stare at my phone and wait for your stories. I wait for the ending to either be happy or sad. But no matter how many different ways our phone calls can end, I just can’t seem to find the right way to say goodnight without wanting to tell you the same thing over and over again.
Your face was hot with a mix of fear and excitement. In the back of your head, you knew what was written on the bottom of the cup, but you were too afraid to look. You had to keep yourself from gripping the fragile material too hard.
With a deep breath, you lifted it above your head.
I love you.
Your arm started shaking so hard a dribble of coffee tipped over onto your cheek. As if your face wasn’t red enough already, it got even redder. You rushed the wipe away the hot liquid before Taehyung noticed anything.
"But I—" You interrupted yourself when you saw his eyes were on the floor. His face was red like yours only it looked more somber than ever. "I don’t… Why didn’t you tell me?" The adrenaline from his confession made your chest rise up and down from the deep breaths.
His eyes flashed up and hooked onto yours, sending sparks into your system. He shrugged simply before replying. “I never knew how.”
"But we’ve been calling each other for—for years, and I—I had no—I didn’t know anything; I just thought we—"
"We’re just friends." He nodded to himself before attempting to rise to his feet. "I understand."
"No, not that." You grabbed his arm to stop him from standing up. "I just thought we’d never work out." You looked down at the table. "We’ve been friends for ages. I don’t know what I’d do if something went wrong, and I lost you forever. You of all people know how I am when it comes to taking risks."
Taehyung smiled slightly. “Yes. Yes, I do.” He leaned over the table and took your hand in his before squeezing it tightly. ”So be adventurous with me.”
"Why now? Why this, all of a sudden?" You squeezed his hand slightly.
"Because I want to take that risk if it means having you."
Because fluff, sweet, cute and even more fluff is killing me.
Do drop by her blog if you're free - I swear, she has way more EXO and BTS than I have (but I think everyone does because I'm way too lazy for this). And they're fluffy. Sweet. Cute. Most of the times.
I had so much fun writing this scenario that I couldn’t bear to stop. But if this were to continue on for 2, 000 more words, it’d never make it here. I really should write a Taehyung one-shot one day.
Anyway, if you don’t already know, requests are still open! However, please do read this before sending the prompt in. Thank you~ ^.^
In concealment; out of sight.
------
Kim Taehyung was weird.
Everyone knew that Kim Taehyung was weird. It was a known fact. That seemingly out-of-the-world high-pitched cackle was fairly hard to miss while mingling around the hallways, as with his loud, obnoxious, deep voice when fooling around with his members.
It was most definitely difficult not to know who Kim Taehyung was even if one had never heard of a Bangtan Sonyeondan before.
In her short time here, she had learnt the way of things, and made rules for herself. She tried her best to keep out of the way while moving to and fro her makeshift dressing room and the stage, bowing being her only interaction with the masses. She never liked the crowd, the people, and even more so, the industry itself. The only reason she had wanted in then was for the music.
That day though, she broke all rules. There had been more fans than anticipated when she had went up, and her mood had been lifted tenfold. Hence, when she spotted him, hiding under the snacks table like the child he was in variety programmes, she didn’t think twice before walking over in a bid to humour them both. She had always been curious about him anyway.
He didn’t even notice when she squatted down beside him, hands consciously moving to the back of her skirt to flatten it. “Sunbae-nim, what are you doing?”
His head shot up in an instant, eyes wide, startled. It was a miracle he didn’t hit the table. But he soon settled down as fast as he had risen, head tucked snugly back on his knees, as he patted the cramped space beside him.
“Want to join? I’m hiding from Hopie-hyung.”
She stared at him incredulously. “What?” and was just about to ask who this Hopie-hyung was when she realised her mistake and fumbled to correct herself, praying that he was too into his own world to hear her slip-up. “Excuse me?”
He did though. He had grinned, lips baring, and she had blushed in embarrassment. Less than a year since her debut and she was already acting all rude to her seniors; she was already beginning to doubt if she could last the five years like her contract stated.
“Loosen up,” he bumped his shoulders into hers, and it was only then she noticed how close they were. “Not everyone’s out to get you here. You don’t have to be so afraid.”
Her mind was still formulating a decent reply when a pair of Converse appeared before them. Within seconds, he was yanked out by the ankles, dragged across the floor, and playfully hit by a new pair of legs that had just arrived. Deciding that she no longer belonged here, she stood up, smoothing out the wrinkles on her faint-coloured blouse as she made to move off.
“See you around!”
She glanced back, nodded, and proceeded forward. Her walls were already placed back up. But as she rounded a corner, she took a quick glimpse back at the three still joking around, and decided that she might just fall in love with the way he creased his eyes when he smiled.
Maybe she should heed his advice and join him in his games one day.
A continuation to my original one-shot here, but can be read as a standalone. Happy Belated Birthday to the ever-charming Shim Changmin.
To show to be false; contradict.
------
He caught the black of her hair the minute he stepped out of the room, the purple band standing out amongst the sea of crowd as it kept her long hair in place. He spotted Joonmyeon not too far from her, eyebrows furrowed, in-ear monitor in hand. Judging by the looks of it, Joonmyeon most definitely tampered with that device, though he himself wasn’t even sure if it were he that had passed on that piece of advice. He was certain that she would question him about it later.
Moving away from the bustle, he led himself to a corner, back pressed against the painted wall. His crossed legs, in all its fine glory, were still blocking the way of fellow acquaintances and occasional friends, but he heed no care. Shim Changmin wasn’t one to bother himself with such trivial matters.
He continued to blatantly stare, none too ashamedly, at the female across the corridor. Armed with her usual clipboard and pen, she could easily pass off as being relaxed in this activity-filled venue, what with her composed posture and lazy smile. Unconcerned about her hectic surroundings, she took a quick sip out of that Starbucks tumbler at the side as she waved the taller girl beside her off with Joonmyeon. And just when he thought that he could get her to himself, she was intercepted, yet again, by someone else; though a fellow colleague or frantic manager, he did not know.
He felt someone tugging at his wrist, and saw his fellow group member disappearing fast around the bend. In front of him, his manager was starting to pull, urging him to hurry, and obviously, to no avail.
“You’re going to be late.”
He snapped his head back at her voice – soft, but distinct enough to be heard over the many screams and shouts. She offered him a smile at his glance, as a form of acknowledgement and perhaps, a friendly gesture to a close friend whom she hadn’t had the chance to meet in months. But he knew her enough to read the weariness in that one tug of the lips, the bags below the eyes screaming sleep.
“You should sleep,” he watched as her face scrunches up in annoyance, for he was sure he hadn’t been the first to state the obvious. “How many days had it been?”
“A few hours,” her hands were suddenly on the small of his back, pushing, though failing. “Would you please walk faster?”
The expected air of authority she usually have in her speech was wavering, the exhaustion in her voice too unmistakable not to notice. He did as instructed, putting the small talks on hold in concern for her well-being, and felt her smaller hand slipped from his body for her shorter legs were soon unable to catch up with his larger strides.
As they neared the backstage, the noise became deafening. The shrieks from the audience seats were ear-piercing while one of the many newly-debuted male group took the stage, the subwoofers booming to the electric bass of the song. And because he was in a dimly-lit area, and more so because he felt like it, he pulled the stumbling female close into his chest in what would have been frowned upon by his manager if he were to witness.
“Meet me at the back after my performance.”
She had kicked him in the shin, none too painfully, in a weak attempt to get out of his grip. And though she said otherwise, strongly declining to meet him while stating a list of feeble excuses, her lingering eyes belied her words as he ascended to his grounds.
Less than an hour later, she had staggered into the storage room where he had waited, stolen access card in hand. Against her better judgment, she had slipped into his welcoming arms as he collected her fertile position into his lap, head snuggled deep into the nape of his neck, trying to figure out someway, anyway to stop that relentless pounding against her skull.
He had patted her to sleep, hands fisted in the long locks that he had let down and fingers skimming the contours of her arm. Lips tenderly pressed wet kisses against her cheeks, jaw, neck – anywhere he could reach, in an effort to stop her muffled cries against his skin.
She was finally succumbing to pain, and it was hurting him.
Since no requests are coming in, I’ve decided to do a little something for all my lovely followers. This is in celebration of J-Hope’s birthday on the 18th, and Chinese New Year on the 19th. 新年快樂 to all my Chinese followers~
Learning in many fields; encyclopedic knowledge.
------
Back then, he had thought that she was the epitome of perfection.
He had been certain that there was simply nothing that his classmate couldn’t do. There were no examinations that she wouldn’t get a distinction for; no directions she wouldn’t be able to give, even if it were for that small alley that houses that one family; and definitely no books in the public library that she couldn’t find or name.
In the three years that they had spent together, he was always left dumbfounded by her extensive knowledge in various fields.
What he felt about her, he had first passed it off as respect. But as time went by, respect turned to idolization, and he couldn’t help but tell somebody, anybody, about how she scrunched up her fringe in a fist while she bent over to read; smiled unknowingly on the bus when her favourite music was playing; and tapped her thighs to beats so irregular when she watched him practice his dance routines.
The young and innocent him then had confided in his dear Yoongi-hyung about it one day, out of sudden pure enthusiasm, but said boy just unceremoniously rolled off his seat, bawling in laughter. He had regretted his decision to share straight after, even more so when Yoongi had asked him the obvious.
At that time, Jung Hoseok had flat-out denied the claim. He had been so absolutely sure that his actions were similar to that of Jimin watching Big Bang’s Taeyang on television. Yet, in between copying her grade A reports on the bus; bribing her for basketball tips to win over that jerk of a captain during physical education lessons; and begging for her lunch boxes of never-ending recipes of varied cuisines, he was soon made to admit otherwise.
That day she slipped the list of cosy, romantic-ish cafés in his hands after catching him hanging out with the head of cheerleading, was the day he rewrote the definition of perfection.
Since then, she had became his perfection.
As years passed, he had came to realise that her impressive polymathy wasn’t actually as impressive as everyone made her out to be. The praises, trophies, and even scholarships – they were nothing if all the knowledge that she had acquired couldn’t let her get this one thing she loved right.
When the clock struck, he had settled down beside her, claiming his usual spot beside the mixer in the dance studio. His fingers reached out to help massage her swollen ankles, only to have his arm promptly pushed away as she rambled. A hand unconsciously moved to push the stray strands out of her perspiration-laded face as she went on about the hours of practice she had to put into for that upcoming showcase; how she would never be able to hone her abilities in time, or have that perfect idol face to beat those younger.
Yet, Jung Hoseok had long deemed those points invalid.
Her lower status in the industry, her subpar dancing skills, and that rough skin of hers – they may be imperfections in the eyes of others, but never in his dictionary. He watched her, ever so mesmerisingly, those facial features coated with hours of exhaustion that lit up at the mention of the new song she was made to prepare for the showcase. She, unlike him, had always been best at vocals.
With an excuse to congratulate her, he leaned forward before she could protest, pulling her into a hug, relishing in the feel of her sweat-clad tank top pressed tightly against his sweatshirt as his arm wrapped snugly around her waist.
And at times like these, he wonders when he would ever have the courage to change their relationship.
For he knew them together would be even more perfect.
i was so happy to find your tumblr! like my main fandoms are tvxq and shinee and i think they need more recognition than present -- so yeay for ya! but i was wondering what's the link for your masterlist of your scenarios? thank you for making the 10th anniv special!
(Tumblr really needs to go about putting a date on the asks…)
Hi there~ Thank you so, so much for your message. It means a lot to me to know that someone likes reading what I had wrote, and is in the same fandom as I am. I’m not sure how long I took to reply this message (I didn’t login for months), and I’m really sorry that you have to wait, but I do hope that you’re still lurking around somewhere to see this.
Anyway, here’s the link to the rest of my scenarios:
http://phloxscribblings.tumblr.com/masterlist
I do hope you enjoy them as much as my recent Changmin one! Also, if you see this message, do drop me a message so that I can make up to you for this long wait! Once again, thank you! (:
Send me a name and a prompt, and I'll gift you a drabble
It has been close to a year since I've departed from Tumblr. This past year, I had came to realise that I couldn't stay a fangirl forever. Everything that I had used to love - the reading, the writing, the watching - they became a chore. To sum it all up, life outside the Internet became... even more tiring than usual. The real world gave me no time for the reel world.
However, I want to think that things are looking up for me recently, and as a Chinese New Year gift to all who have remembered me and waited, as well as everyone who brings my writings much love, I'd love you a small token of appreciation.
All I ask is for you to follow two simple rules - to have the prompt be in no more than three words; and for the name to be limited to DB5K, SHINee, EXO and BTS.
Despite this, I, by no means, am ready to face the world of Tumblr on a daily basis again. However, till the day I finally come off my hiatus status, I'd like to give a shoutout to a very special person - I miss you; and thank you. ❤
Mini-Scenario Request: A Baekhyun scenario involving school, assignments/exams, coffee, and late nights.
For the ever so lovely Yue.
♩♪♪♩♬♫ ♩ ♩: Tomboi—Alex feat. Lovey
The night burns like citrus in your eyes. A plastic table lamp casts a slanted streak of yellow light across the table. It’s late; you glance at the clock hanging on the opposite wall. Almost two in the morning. You’re already beginning to feel the after effects of a caffeine crash hang along your eyelids.
You glance at the boy sitting across from you. The inadequate lighting casts curious shadows across the planes of his face. He has one hand gripped around a static pencil and another one typing rapidly into a cellphone. Stupid Byun Baekhyun. Annoyance surges in your chest and you slam a careless hand down onto his notebook.
He glances up, startled from the goodnight text he was about to send to Chanyeol. Tilting his head of chestnut hair, he asks, “Do you need something?”
Be sure to check out her other works if you haven't - namely, Dragon, Serendipity, and just recently, One Green Post-It Note.
(Looking at her masterlist makes me feel that my stalking skills are failing me because I can't remember so many of the titles so if you ever become her fan, please don't be like me.)
