Something about the end of the world.

"Babe, you look so cool."

[iloveyixingsomuch-blog]

matty almost goes blind when he smiles

[phoenix-zap]

rocket-lee-zap :*knocks sporadically on the dooframe* Hey..h-hey, Phoenix, hey *grins and carefully walks with her arms out in a T to balance as she glides into the room* Yu-yuh know, me and y-m-your brother are like, not talking or somethin, and I-I found this bottle of Crown, and now I’m all…

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

But why? *pouts* I try to help…I really do *sets the bottle steadily on the floor* I don’t want to be skinny…I want to look like me again. I’m trying Matty…doesn’t he know I’m trying? *sighs loudly and lays on her back on the floor, flayed out like a starfish* He always walks out. He never wants to talk about it…I just want him tp know I’m here for him

[phoenix-zap]

*smiles* He’s never good at dealing with stress especially since he got this medicine.. *hums then his eyes narrow* cause you’re my medicinnnneee… *Smiles* Yeah you’re my medicinneee.. I.. I wanna marry you.. Said I, I adore you. And I that’s all I have to say… *shakes his head* He’s hard to get through… But he’s trying. I can tell.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

*giggles* still making music on the spot I see *nods* Good. You’re good at that. *sits up on her knees* Keep going, I wanna hear more *sits criss cross as she listens*

[phoenix-zap]

*Smiles at her shaking his head* No, if you want music. go see fix. Fix: *Sighs then strums again* Turn down the light, turn down the bed, turn down these inside my head... Lay down with me.. Tell me no lies. Just hold close, and don't patronize me... Cause I can't make love me, if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something that it won't here in the dark in these final hours I will lay down my heart and offer you the power... *looks at the sky then his eyes water* I can't make you love me. If you don't... You can't make your heart something that it don't.. Here in the dark in these final hours I will lay down my heart and give up the power...*tears pouring down his cheeks as he stops strumming*

[phoenix-zap]

rocket-lee-zap :*knocks sporadically on the dooframe* Hey..h-hey, Phoenix, hey *grins and carefully walks with her arms out in a T to balance as she glides into the room* Yu-yuh know, me and y-m-your brother are like, not talking or somethin, and I-I found this bottle of Crown, and now I’m all…

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

But why? *pouts* I try to help…I really do *sets the bottle steadily on the floor* I don’t want to be skinny…I want to look like me again. I’m trying Matty…doesn’t he know I’m trying? *sighs loudly and lays on her back on the floor, flayed out like a starfish* He always walks out. He never wants to talk about it…I just want him tp know I’m here for him

[phoenix-zap]

*smiles* He's never good at dealing with stress especially since he got this medicine.. *hums then his eyes narrow* cause you're my medicinnnneee... *Smiles* Yeah you're my medicinneee.. I.. I wanna marry you.. Said I, I adore you. And I that's all I have to say... *shakes his head* He's hard to get through... But he's trying. I can tell.

[phoenix-zap]

rocket-lee-zap :*knocks sporadically on the dooframe* Hey..h-hey, Phoenix, hey *grins and carefully walks with her arms out in a T to balance as she glides into the room* Yu-yuh know, me and y-m-your brother are like, not talking or somethin, and I-I found this bottle of Crown, and now I’m all weeeeee *giggles and sits down on the floor, slouched over* Matty, am I still hot? Because Fix *hic* uh, George thinks I’m too skinny. *wiggles her toes and hums a laugh* Am I too skinny? *her laughing fades to a concerned frown*

Phoenix: .... You are dangerously skinny. It's not that he doesn't love you, or doesn't think you're hot. It's that he's scared of what might happen... *Sighs leaning his head back* He's worried about a lot of things Rocket... *pets her hair*

[hajniil]

Matty Healy for GQ Style UK

[june1stthe1975]

Any pre-show rituals?

[phoenix-zap]

well

[phoenix-zap]

"Cause you're my medicine..."

George? You okay?

Fix: *smiling as he gently puts together his old guitar* Here.

Are you fucking serious, Fix?! I fucking love you. *hugs him tightly*

Fix: *Stays silent and just smiles in his arms*

[phoenix-zap]

*steps off her porch and rounds the corner, expecting to find him. Which she does, finding him leaning against the bricks* Hey...I need to talk to you.

*stays silent and just shakes his head* Fuck off Rocket. I don’t want to talk.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

Fine. Then I’ll talk. *lights one of her blue cigarettes* So…let’s see here. You’ve done shitty things under the influence, you’ve done shitty things over the influence…if that’s even proper grammar…and you fell under Eden control thanks to that little fucker of an arm chip. How it is that you’re different from any of us has flown right over my head…but, if you look at it through my eyes, I see a lanky kid with a cool haircut that’s lost, angry and confused. *blows smoke out her nose* Right now, I feel numb. How do you feel, Matty? Gimme a quick ramble of how your feeling *grins and tilts her head to the side*

[phoenix-zap]

Like i honestly want to die. Don’t you fucking tell me what I know I did, don’t you fucking get it?! I know what I lost! I know what I did to lose it! I know what happens in the end of this, and I lose everything!! You feel numb? Well that’s fucking lovely. Good for you. I’d rather feel nothing than pretend I still don’t love you. My brother, my last family, wants me gone. And I understand how angry he is. I know what I’m feeling, and believe me *snarls* You have it to a god damn point of misery that we’re one in the fucking same.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

*nods through his story and whispers smoke out her mouth* You still love me huh? *grins and sighs* Yeah, I thought that might…never mind. What I’m trying to say is, there is no end to this Matty. And you don’t lose everything if you walk away from it. You walk away, you’ve given up. *reaches out and holds his wrist* Look at me. I’m still here. And it’s fucking painful to look at Phoenix…so I’ll look at you like you’re Matty. My Matty, that I remember… *flicks her cig onto the ground and steps on it* You’re not dead yet kid. Don’t go looking for it if there’s someone who still wants you around *points her thumb at herself*

[phoenix-zap]

I’ve been walking face forward into death since I joined the rebels. *looks at the wall then just shakes his head* If you still wanted me around then George wouldn’t… wouldn’t… *holds his hair in his hands and lets two tears spill from his eyes* I want to see him grow up. I wanted that so bad. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. I never meant to downgrade on him… I just wanted him to be strong. *looks at his hands* He’s so set on saving the world, and waiting for stain to come back so he can explain something she already knows. Stain’s dragging him by his hair, and he wants her to be happy. He wants her with this new guy. He just thought she’d at least see him once before running away. *looks at Rocket with sad eyes* If you see stain. At all. Tell her to just let him talk. He’s not ashamed of you, he’s not upset with you, he fucking adores you. He just wants to close the door.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

Yeah…I know what he means *pulls his arms down and wraps her skinny arms around him* Don’t leave…or throw me away…please…I miss Matty. The real one, not the drugged up one or the one under Eden’s thumb… *sniffles a little and squeezes him* George does too. I just want you both…both happy, and…walking away doesn’t fix anything. I can’t tell Stain shit if I do see her, she’d probably just shove a knife in my back to call it even… *leans her forehead on his shoulder* I never wanted this…it all just changed…like I had no say in what the fuck my heart was choosing until… *sighs angrily* I’m…sorry. I suck at apologies… *steps back a little, hanging her head* I”m still sorry though.

[phoenix-zap]

I’m sorry too… *gently holds her to his chest petting down her back* He loves you so much… he does… He’ll listen to you better than himself…

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

I love him too… *shivers a little* I look back on all the amazing times we had, me and him, me and you…and I miss it. I miss it all. And it makes me sick and I cringe and I scream inside when I think of what I’ve stepped on…I ruined it…and I’m torturing you by making you watch it. Seeing how happy you are for me kills me, and you know why? Because picturing you with someone else makes my insides hurt. Physically hurt. And I don’t know why…actully I do. Because I’m a selfish bitch who can’t bear to be left out *laughs* To this day, the idea that not one but two people in this world could love me at some point still baffles me…you do know I’m nothing without you or Fix, right? I’m nothing *shrugs*

[phoenix-zap]

*stays silent then smiles* Then make yourself something— *looks at the shadow in the alley way* Someone’s here.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

*pulls a glock out of the back of her sweatpants and clicks back the safety* *glances at Matty* I always come prepared… *wiggles the barrel and turns back* Hello? Hey, creepy shadow guy, as much as I’m sure you wanna make friends, that’s not how you do it.

[phoenix-zap]

???: Why do you always get into fights with the other boys baby? *a motherly voice comes from the shadows* … Mum…? *the figure walks out and its a woman with jet black hair but beautiful brown eyes like george’s* Matthew. *looks at rocket then his eyes look at her before he slowly falls over fainting*

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

Other boys? Excuse me? *puts a hand on her hip, lowering the gun before tossing it away and tending to Matty, pulling him up to keep his head in her lap*

Did he just…did he call you mum? *looks up at the woman in sudden astonishment* 

[phoenix-zap]

Shelia: *smiles a little sadly* Yeah. I didn't mean you're the boy. He's been fighting with them though. The eden... *Looks at Phoenix then looks at the window* best not tell george...

[phoenix-zap]

*steps off her porch and rounds the corner, expecting to find him. Which she does, finding him leaning against the bricks* Hey...I need to talk to you.

*stays silent and just shakes his head* Fuck off Rocket. I don’t want to talk.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

Fine. Then I’ll talk. *lights one of her blue cigarettes* So…let’s see here. You’ve done shitty things under the influence, you’ve done shitty things over the influence…if that’s even proper grammar…and you fell under Eden control thanks to that little fucker of an arm chip. How it is that you’re different from any of us has flown right over my head…but, if you look at it through my eyes, I see a lanky kid with a cool haircut that’s lost, angry and confused. *blows smoke out her nose* Right now, I feel numb. How do you feel, Matty? Gimme a quick ramble of how your feeling *grins and tilts her head to the side*

[phoenix-zap]

Like i honestly want to die. Don’t you fucking tell me what I know I did, don’t you fucking get it?! I know what I lost! I know what I did to lose it! I know what happens in the end of this, and I lose everything!! You feel numb? Well that’s fucking lovely. Good for you. I’d rather feel nothing than pretend I still don’t love you. My brother, my last family, wants me gone. And I understand how angry he is. I know what I’m feeling, and believe me *snarls* You have it to a god damn point of misery that we’re one in the fucking same.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

*nods through his story and whispers smoke out her mouth* You still love me huh? *grins and sighs* Yeah, I thought that might…never mind. What I’m trying to say is, there is no end to this Matty. And you don’t lose everything if you walk away from it. You walk away, you’ve given up. *reaches out and holds his wrist* Look at me. I’m still here. And it’s fucking painful to look at Phoenix…so I’ll look at you like you’re Matty. My Matty, that I remember… *flicks her cig onto the ground and steps on it* You’re not dead yet kid. Don’t go looking for it if there’s someone who still wants you around *points her thumb at herself*

[phoenix-zap]

I’ve been walking face forward into death since I joined the rebels. *looks at the wall then just shakes his head* If you still wanted me around then George wouldn’t… wouldn’t… *holds his hair in his hands and lets two tears spill from his eyes* I want to see him grow up. I wanted that so bad. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. I never meant to downgrade on him… I just wanted him to be strong. *looks at his hands* He’s so set on saving the world, and waiting for stain to come back so he can explain something she already knows. Stain’s dragging him by his hair, and he wants her to be happy. He wants her with this new guy. He just thought she’d at least see him once before running away. *looks at Rocket with sad eyes* If you see stain. At all. Tell her to just let him talk. He’s not ashamed of you, he’s not upset with you, he fucking adores you. He just wants to close the door.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

Yeah…I know what he means *pulls his arms down and wraps her skinny arms around him* Don’t leave…or throw me away…please…I miss Matty. The real one, not the drugged up one or the one under Eden’s thumb… *sniffles a little and squeezes him* George does too. I just want you both…both happy, and…walking away doesn’t fix anything. I can’t tell Stain shit if I do see her, she’d probably just shove a knife in my back to call it even… *leans her forehead on his shoulder* I never wanted this…it all just changed…like I had no say in what the fuck my heart was choosing until… *sighs angrily* I’m…sorry. I suck at apologies… *steps back a little, hanging her head* I”m still sorry though.

[phoenix-zap]

I’m sorry too… *gently holds her to his chest petting down her back* He loves you so much… he does… He’ll listen to you better than himself…

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

I love him too… *shivers a little* I look back on all the amazing times we had, me and him, me and you…and I miss it. I miss it all. And it makes me sick and I cringe and I scream inside when I think of what I’ve stepped on…I ruined it…and I’m torturing you by making you watch it. Seeing how happy you are for me kills me, and you know why? Because picturing you with someone else makes my insides hurt. Physically hurt. And I don’t know why…actully I do. Because I’m a selfish bitch who can’t bear to be left out *laughs* To this day, the idea that not one but two people in this world could love me at some point still baffles me…you do know I’m nothing without you or Fix, right? I’m nothing *shrugs*

[phoenix-zap]

*stays silent then smiles* Then make yourself something— *looks at the shadow in the alley way* Someone’s here.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

*pulls a glock out of the back of her sweatpants and clicks back the safety* *glances at Matty* I always come prepared… *wiggles the barrel and turns back* Hello? Hey, creepy shadow guy, as much as I’m sure you wanna make friends, that’s not how you do it.

[phoenix-zap]

???: Why do you always get into fights with the other boys baby? *a motherly voice comes from the shadows* ... Mum...? *the figure walks out and its a woman with jet black hair but beautiful brown eyes like george's* Matthew. *looks at rocket then his eyes look at her before he slowly falls over fainting*

[phoenix-zap]

*steps off her porch and rounds the corner, expecting to find him. Which she does, finding him leaning against the bricks* Hey...I need to talk to you.

*stays silent and just shakes his head* Fuck off Rocket. I don’t want to talk.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

Fine. Then I’ll talk. *lights one of her blue cigarettes* So…let’s see here. You’ve done shitty things under the influence, you’ve done shitty things over the influence…if that’s even proper grammar…and you fell under Eden control thanks to that little fucker of an arm chip. How it is that you’re different from any of us has flown right over my head…but, if you look at it through my eyes, I see a lanky kid with a cool haircut that’s lost, angry and confused. *blows smoke out her nose* Right now, I feel numb. How do you feel, Matty? Gimme a quick ramble of how your feeling *grins and tilts her head to the side*

[phoenix-zap]

Like i honestly want to die. Don’t you fucking tell me what I know I did, don’t you fucking get it?! I know what I lost! I know what I did to lose it! I know what happens in the end of this, and I lose everything!! You feel numb? Well that’s fucking lovely. Good for you. I’d rather feel nothing than pretend I still don’t love you. My brother, my last family, wants me gone. And I understand how angry he is. I know what I’m feeling, and believe me *snarls* You have it to a god damn point of misery that we’re one in the fucking same.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

*nods through his story and whispers smoke out her mouth* You still love me huh? *grins and sighs* Yeah, I thought that might…never mind. What I’m trying to say is, there is no end to this Matty. And you don’t lose everything if you walk away from it. You walk away, you’ve given up. *reaches out and holds his wrist* Look at me. I’m still here. And it’s fucking painful to look at Phoenix…so I’ll look at you like you’re Matty. My Matty, that I remember… *flicks her cig onto the ground and steps on it* You’re not dead yet kid. Don’t go looking for it if there’s someone who still wants you around *points her thumb at herself*

[phoenix-zap]

I’ve been walking face forward into death since I joined the rebels. *looks at the wall then just shakes his head* If you still wanted me around then George wouldn’t… wouldn’t… *holds his hair in his hands and lets two tears spill from his eyes* I want to see him grow up. I wanted that so bad. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. I never meant to downgrade on him… I just wanted him to be strong. *looks at his hands* He’s so set on saving the world, and waiting for stain to come back so he can explain something she already knows. Stain’s dragging him by his hair, and he wants her to be happy. He wants her with this new guy. He just thought she’d at least see him once before running away. *looks at Rocket with sad eyes* If you see stain. At all. Tell her to just let him talk. He’s not ashamed of you, he’s not upset with you, he fucking adores you. He just wants to close the door.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

Yeah…I know what he means *pulls his arms down and wraps her skinny arms around him* Don’t leave…or throw me away…please…I miss Matty. The real one, not the drugged up one or the one under Eden’s thumb… *sniffles a little and squeezes him* George does too. I just want you both…both happy, and…walking away doesn’t fix anything. I can’t tell Stain shit if I do see her, she’d probably just shove a knife in my back to call it even… *leans her forehead on his shoulder* I never wanted this…it all just changed…like I had no say in what the fuck my heart was choosing until… *sighs angrily* I’m…sorry. I suck at apologies… *steps back a little, hanging her head* I”m still sorry though.

[phoenix-zap]

I’m sorry too… *gently holds her to his chest petting down her back* He loves you so much… he does… He’ll listen to you better than himself…

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

I love him too… *shivers a little* I look back on all the amazing times we had, me and him, me and you…and I miss it. I miss it all. And it makes me sick and I cringe and I scream inside when I think of what I’ve stepped on…I ruined it…and I’m torturing you by making you watch it. Seeing how happy you are for me kills me, and you know why? Because picturing you with someone else makes my insides hurt. Physically hurt. And I don’t know why…actully I do. Because I’m a selfish bitch who can’t bear to be left out *laughs* To this day, the idea that not one but two people in this world could love me at some point still baffles me…you do know I’m nothing without you or Fix, right? I’m nothing *shrugs*

[phoenix-zap]

*stays silent then smiles* Then make yourself something-- *looks at the shadow in the alley way* Someone's here.

[phoenix-zap]

*steps off her porch and rounds the corner, expecting to find him. Which she does, finding him leaning against the bricks* Hey...I need to talk to you.

*stays silent and just shakes his head* Fuck off Rocket. I don’t want to talk.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

Fine. Then I’ll talk. *lights one of her blue cigarettes* So…let’s see here. You’ve done shitty things under the influence, you’ve done shitty things over the influence…if that’s even proper grammar…and you fell under Eden control thanks to that little fucker of an arm chip. How it is that you’re different from any of us has flown right over my head…but, if you look at it through my eyes, I see a lanky kid with a cool haircut that’s lost, angry and confused. *blows smoke out her nose* Right now, I feel numb. How do you feel, Matty? Gimme a quick ramble of how your feeling *grins and tilts her head to the side*

[phoenix-zap]

Like i honestly want to die. Don’t you fucking tell me what I know I did, don’t you fucking get it?! I know what I lost! I know what I did to lose it! I know what happens in the end of this, and I lose everything!! You feel numb? Well that’s fucking lovely. Good for you. I’d rather feel nothing than pretend I still don’t love you. My brother, my last family, wants me gone. And I understand how angry he is. I know what I’m feeling, and believe me *snarls* You have it to a god damn point of misery that we’re one in the fucking same.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

*nods through his story and whispers smoke out her mouth* You still love me huh? *grins and sighs* Yeah, I thought that might…never mind. What I’m trying to say is, there is no end to this Matty. And you don’t lose everything if you walk away from it. You walk away, you’ve given up. *reaches out and holds his wrist* Look at me. I’m still here. And it’s fucking painful to look at Phoenix…so I’ll look at you like you’re Matty. My Matty, that I remember… *flicks her cig onto the ground and steps on it* You’re not dead yet kid. Don’t go looking for it if there’s someone who still wants you around *points her thumb at herself*

[phoenix-zap]

I’ve been walking face forward into death since I joined the rebels. *looks at the wall then just shakes his head* If you still wanted me around then George wouldn’t… wouldn’t… *holds his hair in his hands and lets two tears spill from his eyes* I want to see him grow up. I wanted that so bad. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. I never meant to downgrade on him… I just wanted him to be strong. *looks at his hands* He’s so set on saving the world, and waiting for stain to come back so he can explain something she already knows. Stain’s dragging him by his hair, and he wants her to be happy. He wants her with this new guy. He just thought she’d at least see him once before running away. *looks at Rocket with sad eyes* If you see stain. At all. Tell her to just let him talk. He’s not ashamed of you, he’s not upset with you, he fucking adores you. He just wants to close the door.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

Yeah…I know what he means *pulls his arms down and wraps her skinny arms around him* Don’t leave…or throw me away…please…I miss Matty. The real one, not the drugged up one or the one under Eden’s thumb… *sniffles a little and squeezes him* George does too. I just want you both…both happy, and…walking away doesn’t fix anything. I can’t tell Stain shit if I do see her, she’d probably just shove a knife in my back to call it even… *leans her forehead on his shoulder* I never wanted this…it all just changed…like I had no say in what the fuck my heart was choosing until… *sighs angrily* I’m…sorry. I suck at apologies… *steps back a little, hanging her head* I”m still sorry though.

[phoenix-zap]

I'm sorry too... *gently holds her to his chest petting down her back* He loves you so much... he does... He'll listen to you better than himself...

[phoenix-zap]

*steps off her porch and rounds the corner, expecting to find him. Which she does, finding him leaning against the bricks* Hey...I need to talk to you.

*stays silent and just shakes his head* Fuck off Rocket. I don’t want to talk.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

Fine. Then I’ll talk. *lights one of her blue cigarettes* So…let’s see here. You’ve done shitty things under the influence, you’ve done shitty things over the influence…if that’s even proper grammar…and you fell under Eden control thanks to that little fucker of an arm chip. How it is that you’re different from any of us has flown right over my head…but, if you look at it through my eyes, I see a lanky kid with a cool haircut that’s lost, angry and confused. *blows smoke out her nose* Right now, I feel numb. How do you feel, Matty? Gimme a quick ramble of how your feeling *grins and tilts her head to the side*

[phoenix-zap]

Like i honestly want to die. Don’t you fucking tell me what I know I did, don’t you fucking get it?! I know what I lost! I know what I did to lose it! I know what happens in the end of this, and I lose everything!! You feel numb? Well that’s fucking lovely. Good for you. I’d rather feel nothing than pretend I still don’t love you. My brother, my last family, wants me gone. And I understand how angry he is. I know what I’m feeling, and believe me *snarls* You have it to a god damn point of misery that we’re one in the fucking same.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

*nods through his story and whispers smoke out her mouth* You still love me huh? *grins and sighs* Yeah, I thought that might…never mind. What I’m trying to say is, there is no end to this Matty. And you don’t lose everything if you walk away from it. You walk away, you’ve given up. *reaches out and holds his wrist* Look at me. I’m still here. And it’s fucking painful to look at Phoenix…so I’ll look at you like you’re Matty. My Matty, that I remember… *flicks her cig onto the ground and steps on it* You’re not dead yet kid. Don’t go looking for it if there’s someone who still wants you around *points her thumb at herself*

[phoenix-zap]

I've been walking face forward into death since I joined the rebels. *looks at the wall then just shakes his head* If you still wanted me around then George wouldn't... wouldn't... *holds his hair in his hands and lets two tears spill from his eyes* I want to see him grow up. I wanted that so bad. It wasn't supposed to end like this. I never meant to downgrade on him... I just wanted him to be strong. *looks at his hands* He's so set on saving the world, and waiting for stain to come back so he can explain something she already knows. Stain's dragging him by his hair, and he wants her to be happy. He wants her with this new guy. He just thought she'd at least see him once before running away. *looks at Rocket with sad eyes* If you see stain. At all. Tell her to just let him talk. He's not ashamed of you, he's not upset with you, he fucking adores you. He just wants to close the door.

[phoenix-zap]

*steps off her porch and rounds the corner, expecting to find him. Which she does, finding him leaning against the bricks* Hey...I need to talk to you.

*stays silent and just shakes his head* Fuck off Rocket. I don’t want to talk.

[rocket-lee-zap-deactivated20180]

Fine. Then I’ll talk. *lights one of her blue cigarettes* So…let’s see here. You’ve done shitty things under the influence, you’ve done shitty things over the influence…if that’s even proper grammar…and you fell under Eden control thanks to that little fucker of an arm chip. How it is that you’re different from any of us has flown right over my head…but, if you look at it through my eyes, I see a lanky kid with a cool haircut that’s lost, angry and confused. *blows smoke out her nose* Right now, I feel numb. How do you feel, Matty? Gimme a quick ramble of how your feeling *grins and tilts her head to the side*

[phoenix-zap]

Like i honestly want to die. Don't you fucking tell me what I know I did, don't you fucking get it?! I know what I lost! I know what I did to lose it! I know what happens in the end of this, and I lose everything!! You feel numb? Well that's fucking lovely. Good for you. I'd rather feel nothing than pretend I still don't love you. My brother, my last family, wants me gone. And I understand how angry he is. I know what I'm feeling, and believe me *snarls* You have it to a god damn point of misery that we're one in the fucking same.

[phoenix-zap]

*steps off her porch and rounds the corner, expecting to find him. Which she does, finding him leaning against the bricks* Hey...I need to talk to you.

*stays silent and just shakes his head* Fuck off Rocket. I don't want to talk.

[phoenix-zap]

Listen

I know... I know you said you want to be able to help me George. But none of this is working. And... Rocket can barely even stand me here.

Fix: *stays silent but smiles almost bitterly* No she can't. In fact it makes me upset to see her sad. It makes me feel so shitty I can't help you. You quit speed, you quit drinking. You're still an asshole matty.

... George?

Fix: No matter what I do, or say, you always tell me I can get over this. I can't do that... I can't. Vax is the only friend other than bambi and rocket who hasn't left. I barely understand where stain is. I saw her you know? I used the board to see her memories. I saw her with another man. *his eyes tearing up* I know she can date who ever. I know. But all this time I thought she was finding me help. She hasn't. She won't come back to zap either. And you won't even vouch for them.

George. I love them dearly, like brothers. You're my brother, whatever you're saying just say it...

Fix: Get out of my life. You fucking hurt Rocket, I saw her writing, I saw her anger. I see it. I can't hurt her anymore. I can't have you hurting me anymore either. I can't do it. So get out. And don't come back.

*looks at him with tears in his eyes, then just shakes his head* George I need you too.

Fix: should've thought of that before you shot me. Or had terra shoot me. *walks from him*

*looks at the ground his chest aching* George don't do this. I want to see your kids man, I want to see you grow up. I want to see you get married...

Fix: *Slams his door harshly*

*holds his hand to his mouth and walks out the front door*

[robb3rs]

[pleasedontbenaked]