What In The Heck

The man behind the sexy voice of your college radio station . Radio .19 . South Stitch University Blog . M!A -- . #phonographicradio

[phonographicradio-blog]

taxidembry

[Embry sighs. He raises Radio’s hand to his lips and presses a kiss to the back, then looks up at Radio with a soft smile. God, he’s so pretty. Embry is so in love. But if that’s really true, why does he say such hurtful things all the time…? No, now isn’t the time for that. Embry shakes those thoughts out of his head.]

Do you wanna cuddle, maybe? Will that be okay?

[Radio manages a smile, a soft blush warming his cheeks from Embry’s sweetness.]

Of course!

[At least, he hopes so. He’s managed hugs with Embry before, so surely cuddling would be alright. Even if it wasn’t, Radio had to desensitise himself some way. It was just about reminding himself that the pain wasn’t real and that it would never succeed in deterring his love for Embry. And with Embry by his side, he could do anything...! With a little time and within reason, of course.]

How about I make us some coffee, first? And put some food in the oven. I was thinking of lasagna; lactose-free.

[phonographicradio-blog]

taxidembry

[Embry realizes the weight of his words way too late. The damage is done. Embry’s eyes widen, and he looks away.]

… I’m sorry. It’s just really frustrating.

[Radio understood the frustration, after all, it was frustrating for him, too. He wanted to be able to do more with Embry, but building that security back up in himself and reversing the weeks of conditioning he’d been through was going to take time.]

[Turning his gaze down to his hands again, he then reaches out to gently take one of Embry’s, running his thumb over his knuckles. Embry’s words hurt, but he can’t be angry at him, after all, it was difficult for him, too.]

I know... A-And I’m very grateful for your patience. I know this is hard for you, just like it is for me, but I promise you, ‘m gonna get there...

[phonographicradio-blog]

taxidembry

[Embry hovers where he is for a moment before he pulls away completely, tugging his hand from Radio’s grasp with a scowl.]

Cool to know that I still fucking disgust you.

[That stings. Radio winces and looks down to his hands as he flexes them slowly. He then sighs again and looks back to Embry with a frown.]

Em, i-it’s not like that, I swear, I-- I just... I need more time...

[phonographicradio-blog]

taxidembry

[Embry either doesn’t notice Radio’s distress, or he doesn’t care. He needs to get fucked. Radio’s just going to have to take one for the team, okay? His hand travels lower, and he deftly unbuckles Radio’s belt so he can slide his hand beyond his jeans.]

[Radio wants to do this. It’s perfectly okay to do this. He loves Embry and there is nothing wrong with that. And yet the painful tingling is moving through his hand and arm and it’s making his stomach start to tense and turn.]

[Radio takes Embry’s hand to stop him from going any further, turning his head to the side with a sigh.]

...’m sorry... Not... Not yet.

[phonographicradio-blog]

taxidembry

[Radio’s hands are on his waist? This is the furthest Embry’s gotten in a long time! He’s getting excited already. Maybe he’ll finally get laid? They’ve been living together in this townhouse for two months, and Embry hasn’t gotten fucked since long before they moved in. It’s horrible!]

[He deepens the kiss, draping one arm around Radio’s neck while the other slides down his chest…]

[Oh heck, this is more than he was expecting and moving quickly onward, too. Still, Radio tries to remain calm, closing his eyes a little tighter and, once ready enough, tries to keep up with Embry’s kissing.]

[But then his arm is sliding down his chest and his fingertips are starting to tingle, body tensing up. He curls his hands into fists on Embry’s waist, trying to squash that horrible feeling that’s slowly building up.]

[phonographicradio-blog]

taxidembry

Nooo, of course not. There’s nothing else. I promise.

Alright, if you say so, but it doesn’t *entirely* sound like ‘nothing’ to me.

[taxidembry]

Mm. Yeah. I was just wondering…

[And he leans in for a kiss!]

[phonographicradio-blog]

[Oh!]

[As usual, Radio returns the kiss. And, as usual, he sighs out through his nose to help him relax into it. Which works! At least, it does this time... He even manages to sit his hands on Embry’s waist.]

[phonographicradio-blog]

taxidembry

Nooo, of course not. There’s nothing else. I promise.

Alright, if you say so, but it doesn’t *entirely* sound like ‘nothing’ to me.

[phonographicradio-blog]

taxidembry replied to your post: Hey baaaabe?

I love you.

[Radio smiles softly.]

I love you, too.

[Though he’s still suspicious.]

...Is there anything else?

[phonographicradio-blog]

Hey baaaabe?

Can I help you with something, Sunshine?

[andrew--sunderland]

phonographicradio:

[There’s hesitance, but Radio takes both the paper and Chem’s hand, then gives the latter a firm shake.]

Right. Thank you. [He releases Chem’s hand and rises to his feet.] Really, thanks. I’ll definitely give it some thought. I… Goodness… Thank you so much. Heh. I really do appreciate this offer, please don’t get me wrong, it’s just a lot to take in all at once.

I totally get it.

[Chem nudges SC, and together they back towards the door.] 

Sorry for interrupting your study time. I just wanted to, y’know, set things straight and stuff. Good luck on finals, yeah? We’re here when you need us.

[SC opens the door, and Chem scurries through it the same way he came in, and waves at Radio with a grin.]

See ya later!

[It’s only once he and SC are back in the limo and on their way home that Chem breathes out a sigh of relief and pulls out his phone to play a mobile game. Trying to be someone’s dad friend is exhausting.]

[End Scene.]

[andrew--sunderland]

phonographicradio:

[Radio furrows his brows and chews his lip a little as he thinks it through. There was a lot to gain from this, but Radio still wasn’t sure. No matter how much the two would deny that he owed them at least something, he would always feel that shadow of debt over him. But, if Embry would be happy with the deal, then that did persuade him a little more.]

[Still, he sighs and drops his hand from his hair.]

Is… Is there any way I can maybe contact you? I-I’ll think about the offer. But, maybe if there was somethin’ I could do for either of you; volunteer work; errand runs; anything, really, it would feel a little more balanced– not that I could ever make up for this. Really. It’s too kind…

Absolutely!

[Chem immediately grabs the nearest pen and unused piece of paper and scrawls his phone number down on it before handing it to Radio eagerly.]

Text me, day or night, or call, whichever you feel more comfortable with! Even if it’s three in the morning, don’t hesitate, and I’ll come get you. And if you really want to do stuff for us, then I guess I’ll think about what you can do, to make you feel better.

[He runs his hand through his hair and holds out his hand for Radio to shake.] 

Promise me you’ll think about this really hard. SC and I wanna help. We wanna help both of you.

[phonographicradio-blog]

[There’s hesitance, but Radio takes both the paper and Chem’s hand, then gives the latter a firm shake.]

Right. Thank you. [He releases Chem’s hand and rises to his feet.] Really, thanks. I’ll definitely give it some thought. I... Goodness... Thank you so much. Heh. I really do appreciate this offer, please don’t get me wrong, it’s just a lot to take in all at once.

[andrew--sunderland]

phonographicradio:

scaredandconfusedler:

phonographicradio:

[It takes Radio a moment or two to comprehend all that Chem is saying. He blinks once, twice, then looks up to him. Glancing between Chem and SC, he clarifies to himself that they were, in fact, pretty flipping serious about this. Radio can’t even find the words to say!]

Wh– uh, n-no. Wait– I mean.

[He shakes his head, then tries again.]

I-I can’t accept that. I– I have no way of ever payin’ you back! That’s too much; I don’t even know you. Not very personally, anyway. I… I… Heck. I’d be in-debt to you for the rest of my life!

[SC’s eyes are fixed on his phone as he shuffles money around. He waves a hand in a vague gesture.]

That’s not necessary. With the money I’ll have left over from paying your tuition, I could buy Germany.

[That… That’s oddly specific, but Radio doesn’t press, nor think it false; The Once-Ler is exceedingly rich, after all. But still– that wasn’t the point!]

Gosh, but… But, I’d still feel like I owed you; I would owe you. I don’t– I don’t know…

You wouldn’t, though! I promise. Is helping a friend in need something that deserves being indebted to? No. We wanna help you out of a bad situation, and we’re willing to do whatever it takes to make you feel safe and secure. Hell, the guest house is open to Embry, too, if he so chooses. We just wanna make sure you’re okay.

[Chem has taken to wringing his hands, hoping against all hope that Radio will bite, but there’s still the niggling doubt that he hasn’t made good enough of a point to convince Radio.] 

I know Embry would be so happy if you decided to take us up on it.

[phonographicradio-blog]

[Radio furrows his brows and chews his lip a little as he thinks it through. There was a lot to gain from this, but Radio still wasn’t sure. No matter how much the two would deny that he owed them at least something, he would always feel that shadow of debt over him. But, if Embry would be happy with the deal, then that did persuade him a little more.]

[Still, he sighs and drops his hand from his hair.]

Is... Is there any way I can maybe contact you? I-I’ll think about the offer. But, maybe if there was somethin’ I could do for either of you; volunteer work; errand runs; anything, really, it would feel a little more balanced-- not that I could ever make up for this. Really. It’s too kind...

[andrew--sunderland]

scaredandconfusedler:

[SC already knows what Chem’s going to suggest, so he looks back to his phone and makes the necessary arrangements.]

He can use the guest house, [he says to Chem.]

[Chem’s awfully glad that SC suggested it first, even though he was going to himself. Brightening, Chem nods eagerly, reaching back and gripping SC’s gaudy green jacket in one hand excitedly.]

Of course! Radio, I paid Embry’s tuition. What makes you think I won’t pay yours? And you won’t have to go home if you don’t want to. You can live in our guest house until you’re ready to decide your next move! Embry and I have been looking at townhouses, and we found a couple cute ones! If you want, I’ll help you move into your own place until the semester starts again, that way you can live on your own, and you won’t have your mom trying to send you back to that shitty place!

[He takes a deep breath and gives Radio a huge, blinding smile.] 

We wanna help you, Radio. Just say the word!

[phonographicradio-blog]

[It takes Radio a moment or two to comprehend all that Chem is saying. He blinks once, twice, then looks up to him. Glancing between Chem and SC, he clarifies to himself that they were, in fact, pretty flipping serious about this. Radio can’t even find the words to say!]

Wh– uh, n-no. Wait– I mean.

[He shakes his head, then tries again.]

I-I can’t accept that. I– I have no way of ever payin’ you back! That’s too much; I don’t even know you. Not very personally, anyway. I… I… Heck. I’d be in-debt to you for the rest of my life!

[scaredandconfusedler]

[SC’s eyes are fixed on his phone as he shuffles money around. He waves a hand in a vague gesture.]

That’s not necessary. With the money I’ll have left over from paying your tuition, I could buy Germany.

[phonographicradio-blog]

[That... That’s oddly specific, but Radio doesn’t press, nor think it false; The Once-Ler is exceedingly rich, after all. But still-- that wasn’t the point!]

Gosh, but... But, I’d still feel like I owed you; I would owe you. I don’t-- I don’t know...

[andrew--sunderland]

scaredandconfusedler:

[SC already knows what Chem’s going to suggest, so he looks back to his phone and makes the necessary arrangements.]

He can use the guest house, [he says to Chem.]

[Chem’s awfully glad that SC suggested it first, even though he was going to himself. Brightening, Chem nods eagerly, reaching back and gripping SC’s gaudy green jacket in one hand excitedly.]

Of course! Radio, I paid Embry’s tuition. What makes you think I won’t pay yours? And you won’t have to go home if you don’t want to. You can live in our guest house until you’re ready to decide your next move! Embry and I have been looking at townhouses, and we found a couple cute ones! If you want, I’ll help you move into your own place until the semester starts again, that way you can live on your own, and you won’t have your mom trying to send you back to that shitty place!

[He takes a deep breath and gives Radio a huge, blinding smile.] 

We wanna help you, Radio. Just say the word!

[phonographicradio-blog]

[It takes Radio a moment or two to comprehend all that Chem is saying. He blinks once, twice, then looks up to him. Glancing between Chem and SC, he clarifies to himself that they were, in fact, pretty flipping serious about this. Radio can’t even find the words to say!]

Wh-- uh, n-no. Wait-- I mean.

[He shakes his head, then tries again.]

I-I can’t accept that. I-- I have no way of ever payin’ you back! That’s too much; I don’t even know you. Not very personally, anyway. I... I... Heck. I’d be in-debt to you for the rest of my life!

[andrew--sunderland]

phonographicradio:

[Radio sighs softly, leaning back in his chair and running a hand through his messy hair.]

…I don’t want to get his hopes up, just yet. Not until I’m able to see him properly again, and I need to somehow break it to my mom before doin’ that. Which is the problem.

Listen, Radio, I’m gonna tell you somethin’, and you’re not gonna wanna hear it, but you gotta listen to me really carefully.

[Chem pauses, both for dramatic effect and also to think about how he wants to phrase this, before looking dead into Radio’s eyes.]

Your mom doesn’t deserve to have this news “broken to her”. She is abusive, she is uncaring, and I’m willing to bet she doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you or your feelings. If this woman sent you off to have your fingertips burned, knowing full well what sort of psychological torture you were gonna go through, and putting you through it willingly, she doesn’t deserve anything but a big “fuck you”. I’m sorry, Radio, but that’s the truth.

[phonographicradio-blog]

[Radio grips his hair, unable to keep eye-contact with Chem for long. He feels intimidated and like he should stick up for the woman who raised him, but, what could he say? If this was anyone else Chem was talking to, someone who wasn’t himself, Radio would tell them the man was right.]

[Instead, Radio looks down to the hand in his lap, scratching his thumbnail over the burn on the tip of his finger, and staying quiet for a long moment whilst he thinks it through.]

...She’s... She’s still my mother and, even if she wasn’t, she’s paying for everything I have here. I’m goin’ home soon and I’m fairly certain she’ll change the locks when she finds out what’s going on. [Or just send him back.] I don’t wanna risk havin’ that happen before I can find a place to stay.

[andrew--sunderland]

phonographicradio:

scaredandconfusedler:

[Without tearing his eyes from where he’s thumbing out an email on his phone, SC rests his hand on Chem’s shoulder.]

Try to stay calm, darling. Getting anxious isn’t going to help.

[He hits send, then pockets his phone, lifting his weird blue eyes to look at Radio, staring him down. He doesn’t introduce himself. Everyone knows this iconic suit.]

He’s trying to say that he’s empathetic to your situation, and he wants to help. And by-the-by, Embry didn’t ask us to come. [His gaze flickers to Chem.] In fact, I advised against it. But Chem feels very strongly about this, and I try to support him in his endeavors. [He looks back to Radio.] I hope me being here doesn’t make you uncomfortable.

[Oh, yes he does.]

[Though he seemed to be able to stare plenty, earlier, Radio can’t even bring himself to look at SC when addressed by him. Gosh, what a situation to be in. Though, it would be a little less uncomfortable if Chem would stop swearing. Still, he wasn’t about to go telling the Once-Ler’s partner how to behave.]

[Raising a hand, only to scratch at the stubble on his cheek, Radio then returns to messing with his shirt hem, swallowing thickly.]

N-Not at all, um, sir. [Was sir correct? Ah, heck, who was he even trying to kid, here.]

[Drawing a deep breath in, he thinks about how to politely reply to this. Clearly, the two hadn’t been informed of Radio’s most recent enlightening to his own situation.]

I’m sorry you’re upset by this, both of you and especially Embry, but you’re tellin’ me something I haven’t heard about ten times before. I get your concern, I do, but I know–… I know it was hogwash, because it hasn’t worked and I’ve accepted that already. The only thing I haven’t got under control, here,Mr Chem, is what I’m gonna do about it, which I’m really not sure you can help me with.

[Chem’s about to launch into another pseudo-eloquent speech of passion, but Radio’s words make him stop short in surprise. Radio isn’t under the therapy spell anymore? Then why doesn’t Embry know?]

Why doesn’t Embry know that you know that malarkey didn’t work? Did you even tell him?

[phonographicradio-blog]

[Radio sighs softly, leaning back in his chair and running a hand through his messy hair.]

...I don’t want to get his hopes up, just yet. Not until I’m able to see him properly again, and I need to somehow break it to my mom before doin’ that. Which is the problem.

[andrew--sunderland]

phonographicradio:

[Radio just about manages to sit down in his desk chair before Chem drops the load on him. He immediately grows pale at the words. He was rather hoping this wasn’t going to be what they were talking about, but, honestly, what was he to expect?]

[Already starting to mess with the hem of his shirt, he thins his lips and tenses more.]

Okay. Well, that’s– that’s your opinion, but I can see why you would think it… I guess. I dunno… [He sighs.] I’m sorry that Embry decided to bring it upon himself to get you involved in this mess, I’m sure you have plenty of other things more important to deal with, but I can assure you, Mr Chem, that I have most of this under control.

[Chem grimaces, looking to SC for support, but SC is fiddling with his phone, so Chem knows this is all on him. He wrings his hands nervously before clearing his throat. He’s as nervous as Radio appears to be.] 

No offence, Radio, but I don’t think any of this is under control. You were forced to go to a place that brainwashed you and abused you, and the fact that this upsets my friend Embry makes it all my business. But Embry isn’t the only one upset.

[Chem averts his eyes for a moment, staring at a discarded hoodie on the floor for a long moment.] 

When Embry told me what happened, it hurt me too. I hate the idea that someone, even if I didn’t know them, was forced into that sorta situation. Conversion therapy is abuse, Radio. It’s nothing but religious bullshit forcing perfectly normal kids to repress the best parts of themselves because their parents are too horrible to recognize that their kids are perfect as they are.

[The more Chem talks, the more animated he becomes. He’s passionate about how he feels about this, and it’s obvious.]

[scaredandconfusedler]

[Without tearing his eyes from where he’s thumbing out an email on his phone, SC rests his hand on Chem’s shoulder.]

Try to stay calm, darling. Getting anxious isn’t going to help.

[He hits send, then pockets his phone, lifting his weird blue eyes to look at Radio, staring him down. He doesn’t introduce himself. Everyone knows this iconic suit.]

He’s trying to say that he’s empathetic to your situation, and he wants to help. And by-the-by, Embry didn’t ask us to come. [His gaze flickers to Chem.] In fact, I advised against it. But Chem feels very strongly about this, and I try to support him in his endeavors. [He looks back to Radio.] I hope me being here doesn’t make you uncomfortable.

[Oh, yes he does.]

[phonographicradio-blog]

[Though he seemed to be able to stare plenty, earlier, Radio can’t even bring himself to look at SC when addressed by him. Gosh, what a situation to be in. Though, it would be a little less uncomfortable if Chem would stop swearing. Still, he wasn’t about to go telling the Once-Ler’s partner how to behave.]

[Raising a hand, only to scratch at the stubble on his cheek, Radio then returns to messing with his shirt hem, swallowing thickly.]

N-Not at all, um, sir. [Was sir correct? Ah, heck, who was he even trying to kid, here.]

[Drawing a deep breath in, he thinks about how to politely reply to this. Clearly, the two hadn’t been informed of Radio’s most recent enlightening to his own situation.]

I’m sorry you’re upset by this, both of you and especially Embry, but you’re tellin’ me something I haven’t heard about ten times before. I get your concern, I do, but I know--... I know it was hogwash, because it hasn’t worked and I’ve accepted that already. The only thing I haven’t got under control, here,Mr Chem, is what I’m gonna do about it, which I’m really not sure you can help me with.