All The Bullshit Elphaba Went Through That She Didn't Deserve, Analyzed By Wicked Trash
So we’ll start off with Act I.
Right off, as soon as the show starts, we see these Ozians celebrating the death of this woman. These people are so blind and brainwashed to the point that they would cheer about someone dying. To anyone who’s seen the show, we know Elphaba is alive, and imagine what it felt like to her. I guarantee she heard at least snippets of these people’s celebration and fanfare. Imagine how much it would hurt to hear people so relieved and happy about your own death. Imagine for a second how you would feel if you heard people whom you never did anything to, whom you just wanted to accept you, laugh and cheer about the fact that they were finally rid of you, singing about how no one will mourn you, how the world is better off without you, how no one should nor ever will care about you. And imagine how much it hurt to hear Glinda, her best friend, join in, even if she knew she didn’t mean it. Especially when we know, as strong as Elphaba is, she still lets these sorts of things get under her skin.
And that’s only the beginning.
When she arrives at Shiz, she’s hopeful. She’s always grinning during her entrance? Do you know why? Because she’s excited. She thinks that maybe this place will be different than all the other places she’s been to. And as soon as she turns around, that hope is shattered. People run from her, refuse to look at her, a girl even faints at the sight of her. All because she looks a little different. And you can see in her face how she gradually realizes that her hope was pointless. Because why would it be different? She’s gotten so used to people not accepting her, it doesn't even register as something new anymore.
“Alright, let’s get this over with.”
This is something she’s gotten to a point where it seems basically rehearsed. It probably is. She’s made this speech about her skin color so many times it’s probably the same everywhere she goes. She knows deep down that this speech won’t really make a difference, but she tries anyway, because again, she thinks that maybe, maybe this time, things will be different.
And right after this comes her father. Her father who hates her, her father who she knows hates her. He grabs her by the arm and violently drags her away from the other students, with no regard to if he may hurt her or not. He then tells her to stop making a spectacle of herself, and that the only reason she’s there is to look after her sister. And she knows this, she says it with a sort of sadness in her voice. Deep down, she likely wishes that for once, maybe her father could defend her. Or her sister could. Or both. Tell these people to stop being douchebags and to look past her skin color. But they won’t. And she knows it. And that’s why she’s so sad.
On top of that, her father then completely ignores her and turns to Nessa, before giving her a beautiful, likely expensive, handmade gift. For his precious little girl, the “future governor”. At this point, I’d like to point out, Elphaba is older than Nessa. As the firstborn, Elphaba would traditionally be the one to inherit her father’s title, not Nessa. But because her own father can’t even see past her skin color, he completely disregards this and gives everything to Nessa. His love and affection, his gifts, his title, everything. And never once does Elphaba complain, even though it hurts.
Then her father turns to her, and you see a bit of hope return. Maybe, just maybe, he has something in the bottom of that box, something for her. She leans forward to look and he slams it in her face before shoving it into her arms and telling her to make sure she looks after Nessa and stops causing trouble. She tries to laugh it off by joking about how she “clashes with everything”. But there’s an underlying sadness to it. She doesn’t want to clash with everything. She wishes that regardless of that, she could still maybe get a little something. After all, parents are supposed to give their children gifts, aren’t they? But she doesn’t, even though she deserves that much. She never does, even though she deserves it more than Nessa. So much more than Nessa.
“What a tragically beautiful face you have!”
What’s sad about this is Elphaba has been hearing this for years and years. She’s been listening to people tell her sister how beautiful she is, how precious she is, how successful she’s going to be, etc. And never once has anyone ever said that to Elphaba. She’s been living her life not only watching from the sidelines as her sister is given everything, but also never getting even a fraction of what her sister gets herself. But she still loves Nessa regardless. She’s never hated her or resented her for all that she got in Elphaba’s place. She’s, in fact, dedicated her life to taking care of her.
“I’m the other daughter, Elphaba. I’m beautifully tragic.
Now I know this is technically supposed to be a joke. But it’s not actually funny when you think about it. This was her response to someone screaming at the sight of her. Screaming. Which shows she’s used to this. Yet another thing that’s happened so many times she just got used to it. No one so amazing and beautiful should be so used to people screaming at the very sight of her.
“Yes, well, I’m sure you’re very bright.”
“Bright? She’s phosphorescent.”
Another technical joke, I know. Just hear me out. What Madame Morrible says is basically: “Well, you don’t have looks going for you, but you’ve probably got brains or something to compensate.” Which is sort of a twisted way of saying Elphaba is ugly. And what Galinda says is the beginning of an endless barrage of bullying that Elphaba will have to deal with at this school, and that she’s probably dealt with before. Galinda is also the queen bee at this school, so you know anything she does is considered “cool” to the other students. These people will likely try to imitate her. They do try to imitate her. This right here begins the enormous, unfair ganging-up-on-Elphaba that repeats plenty of times throughout the show.
When Madame Morrible insisted on Nessa rooming with her, Elphaba was so distraught that she accidently used magic she didn’t even know how to use. Because a), she loves her sister and wants to look after her herself, but also b), she likely knows that their father will be angry if she just let Nessa be taken off like that. She knows that he would be angry at her. He wouldn’t see reason, he would blame her for what happened, and she wanted to control the situation as fast as she could likely because she was afraid of that. And who wouldn’t be?
Now, onto The Wizard and I.
“By my looks, he won’t be blinded.”
Keep in mind that everyone in her life has been “blinded” by her looks. Not one person has ever looked past her exterior and tried to get to know her has a person.
“Cause once you’re with the Wizard, no one thinks you’re strange.”
That’s all she wants. Really what she wants. Is for people to see past the fact that she’s different, and for them to see that she’s not as different as everyone perceives her to be.
“No father is not proud of you, no sister acts ashamed.”
And here we have more bullshit from her family. What kind of father isn’t proud of his own child because she was born a different way than most other people? What kind of sister is ashamed of a woman who only wants the best for her?
“And all of Oz has to love you when by the Wizard you’re acclaimed!”
This is it. This right here. What she truly wants.
She wants to be fucking loved. That’s all. She wants someone, anyone in her life to love her. Because at college age, this woman has never felt real love in all her years of living, and that’s all she really wants. Is to know what it’s like to be loved, to know how it feels. Keep in mind that the only goddamn reason she hasn’t felt love before is because she’s a different color than “regular" people.
“Shouldn’t a girl who’s so good inside have a matching exterior?”
Here’s our first instance of seeing how much she actually hates the way she looks. And who could blame her? The way she looks has been used to justify all this hatred towards her for her entire life. By everyone around her. Of course she would want to change that.
“Would it be alright by you if I de-greenify you?”
This is painful, yes, because she thinks she has to change herself in order to be loved. She thinks she has to change the way she looks to be beautiful and accepted by the world. Which no one should ever feel.
But it’s also worse, because we know how much she idolizes the Wizard. She has hope, hope that he can change her life for the better. And she’s clinging to that because it’s the only hope she has right then. Only to have that hope shattered later on.
“But I swear someday there’ll be a celebration throughout Oz that’s all to do with me!”
What’s mostly sad about this is that her “vision” comes true—but in the form of Oz celebrating her death.
“And I’ll stand there with the Wizard, feeling things I’ve never felt!”
This goes back to a point I made earlier—what she means when she says things she’s never felt is basically love and acceptance, affection, things she’s never ever felt before.
The biggest thing about that song is how hopeful and excited she is. She thinks, that for once in her life, something is finally going her way. And it hurts all the more when she finds out it’s not.
As for What Is This Feeling….
“But of course I’ll care for Nessa.”
“But of course I’ll rise above it.”
I think this gives us a painful parallel for Elphaba’s family vesus Galinda’s. Elphaba’s first thought is to reassure her father that it won’t get in the way of her duty to Nessa. That’s the only reason he sent her to that school, remember? Galinda’s first thought is to assure her parents that, don’t worry, even though I’m faced with this, I’ll “rise above it”. As if Elphaba is some sort of obstacle or enemy that needs to be defeated.
“Unusual, and exceedingly peculiar, and altogether quite impossible to describe.”
Yes yes, I know, look at me, over-analyzing all these jokes. Just bear with me, will you? Elphaba is a human being. A regular woman who just happens to be green-colored. But yet, she’s treated as this horrible, disgusting, strange thing (remember the midwife? “It’s atrocious!” And her own father? “It’s obscene!” And she was just a newborn baby then!) that is to be feared and avoided at all costs, when really, the only goddamn thing that’s at all different about her is her skin color.
“Poor Galinda forced to reside with someone so disgusting-i-fied! We just want to tell you, we’re all on your side! We share your loathing!”
Bringing up the “disgusting" point again—because there’s actually nothing disgusting about her. Unless you people really hate the color green that fucking much. That, and the fact that all these people are ganging up on Elphaba. She’s only just gotten here, and like I said earlier, these hoards of people will follow and imitate Galinda, as popular girls tend to work, and this is still only the start of the bullying. The bullying for no real reason other than “Galinda does it, so it must be cool!”
“Maybe some of us are different”
It’s clear that she’s talking mostly about herself here, but it’s even worse when you realize that these words are going to fall on deaf ears. This was a desperate attempt to make these people understand that yeah, some of us are different, and there’s nothing wrong with that. And she knew it would fail, but she tried anyway. And what happens next proves it.
“Well, it seems the artichoke is steamed.”
I know, more jokes, look at me go. But that’s not the point. The point is, her attempt to get them to understand her completely blew up in her face by fueling the bullying even more than it already was being fueled, which was plenty.
“Miss Elphaba has a point.”
Can we just take a moment to appreciate Doctor Dillamond? Because this “old goat” was one of the few people in this show to actually treat Elphaba like a person instead of this disgusting, horrible, evil monster that needs to be put down. He saw her for who she was, a woman who’s willing to fight, fight for herself and what she believes in, even if it costs her everything in the process. How interesting is it that the first character to treat Elphaba like the human being she is is a goat himself? He probably knows exactly what she’s going through. Hell, it happened to him, and it still does.
“You shouldn’t let ignorant statements like that bother you. I mean, I always do, but you shouldn’t.”
This is far from funny to me. Because it’s the first look we get into what Elphaba really feels about all this ridicule, all this hatred. We all know how insanely strong this woman is, don’t we? And I mean, she has to be, with what she’s put through every single day. But right here, and this isn’t the only time, you notice. That she’s not as made-of-steel as she comes off. She’s still bothered and even hurt by the things people say about her.
I cannot enforce this enough—this is a human fucking being. She is the same as everyone else, minus a “normal” skin color. She’s still only human. She laughs, she cries, she’s hurt, just like everyone else. And this is a running theme throughout the show. People don’t treat her like the human being she is. They treat her like a monster, like some sort of abomination, something that’s awful and, well, wicked. But I can’t stress enough how Elphaba is still only human. And how strong she is to put up with all this bullshit, but also how it still hurts her and it still has a lasting effect on her.
“He’ll make it right! That’s why we have a Wizard!”
I’d also like to point out again, here’s more of her undying faith in the Wizard. A faith that gets ripped apart right before her eyes. Just like when she says that something so bad couldn’t happen in Oz. Because she thinks, there’s no way the Wizard could let that happen, not someone as good as him! And she couldn’t be more wrong, and it’s crushing to think about.
“I’m about to have the first happy night of my life!”
Imagine how Elphaba feels hearing that from Nessa. The girl who’s had the happiest life that any other girl would be deeply jealous of. Her sister, who doesn’t seem to ever realize how truly good she has it. And yet, Elphaba still isn’t angry, still doesn’t take it out on her. She says she understands, because she wants Nessa to always be happy, even at the expense of her own happiness.
When Galinda gives Elphaba the hat, we all know it’s a joke, right? Hell, Elphaba probably thought so too. She’s not an idiot, they didn’t sing a whole duet about loathing each other for nothing. But think about this—that hat is likely one of the only gifts Elphaba has ever gotten. Imagine her, growing up, never getting any birthday gifts, never being given anything just because, and watching as those things were all given to Nessa. And I think that’s part of the reason she accepts the hat. Because she thinks, prank or not, this could be a good thing, something she likes. And it ends up being just that.
Not to mention, this prank gift and what Galinda “did” for Nessa prompts Elphaba to go so far as to force Madame Morrible to include Galinda in her sorcery seminar. Someone Elphaba knows doesn’t really like Galinda, who has very low expectations of her. Elphaba jeopardizes her only chance to meet the Wizard, to maybe, in her mind, be “normal”, and finally be accepted the way she wants to, by threatening to give it all up by quitting the seminar, just to say thank you for a prank gift, but a gift nonetheless, and a “helping hand” to her sister.
If that’s not selfless, I don’t know what is.
Another thing: everyone at the party screams and recoils away from Elphaba, points at her, laughs, when she enters the room, and she just walks on by like it’s nothing. Because again, she’s used to it. This is something that’s happened to her so often she’s actually trained herself to hide the way she truly feels about it. Hence why when Fiyero mentions how she doesn’t seem to care about what others think, Galinda realizes. In that moment, she realizes. Elphaba does care, she’s just learned to hide it. And no one, especially not someone like her, should ever have to go through that.
And afterwards, with Elphaba and Galinda, in their room, there’s even more. When Elphaba says her father hates her, Galinda’s reaction is of course shock. Which is the type of reaction most people would have. But Elphaba shrugs that off, and says that it’s not her secret, as if it’s no big deal. As if the fact that her father hates her is old news. And it is. Because let’s not forget, she’s been putting up with her father hating her for her entire life, and it only got worse as she was older.
Not to mention the fact that she really and truly thinks he has a good reason. She actually believes that it’s her fault, that because she was simply born the way she was, her father has a good reason to hate her. That him being paranoid about and terrified of the concept that his second child could turn out to be a different fucking color and in turn disabling her sister is somehow her doing. She actually thinks that just by being born, she was the one who caused it. And this is all her father’s doing. I guarantee you, her father raised her to believe Nessa’s condition was her fault, drilled it into her head from a young age. Because he needed someone to blame, and why not blame the green daughter that he was so deeply disappointed in simply for being a different color?
And during Popular, we see again how low her self-esteem is. She’s insisting to Galinda that she could never be a “normal” girl. She could never truly fit in, especially not with the crowd Galinda is a part of. Or at least, she doesn’t think she could.
And when Galinda calls her beautiful, we know why she runs away. Because that’s the first time in her life anyone has ever called her beautiful. And she has no idea how to deal with it, no idea how to take the compliment, and really, doesn’t even believe it’s true.
Moving on, when Elphaba saves the Lion cub, she risks everything. She likely could’ve been expelled for that, considering how anti-Animal Shiz seems to be. Imagine how angry her father would be if she were expelled, after he sent her somewhere so prestigious. Imagine how ashamed she would feel on behalf of Nessa (“no sister acts ashamed", remember?). But she doesn’t care about all that. She doesn’t really care about what happens to her. All she wants is to save this innocent Lion. And something so selfless is twisted into something evil later on.
“Do you think I want to care this much? Do you think I don’t know how much easier my life would be if I didn’t?”
Now this is of course about the Animals, and about how she cares too much about them to just let these people mistreat them. But it can also be applied to the ridicule she gets. She doesn’t want these types of things to affect her, but she just can’t help it, because again, she believes them herself.
Another thing I’d like to point out it all of the shit that happened to her, all of the slander and “Wicked Witch of the West” bullshit that happened later, was because she cared. Because she cared too goddamn much to just let it go. She couldn’t let the Wizard get away with his actions. And that cost her everything.
All she wanted was to help.
She cared too much to let it go.
And look where it fucking got her.
Now, I’m Not That Girl seems like a typical “I like a guy” song on the surface. But that’s really not what it’s about at all. It’s not about how Elphaba is in love with Fiyero, at least, not completely. It’s one entire song dedicated to how she believes that she isn’t good enough for Fiyero. That Fiyero could never love someone like her. That, just because she’s a little different, he’s like this unreachable dream that she tells herself to forget—”wishing only wounds the heart”—because she thinks that she doesn’t deserve him. That he could never be happy with her. All because of this idea that’s been drilled into her head about how her difference is this horrible thing. Something that’s been told to her by her family and everyone around her for years and years, for so long that she just adopted that way of thinking herself.
Something that’s the root of her rock-bottom self-esteem. Just imagine how different things would be if she’d grown up with loving parents, like Galinda, for example, who told her she was beautiful and perfect at every opportunity, like a parent is supposed to do. But she wasn’t convinced to love herself. Instead, she was trained to hate herself by being hated by the very people whose one job it is to love her and care for her. This mentality was only further cemented by the people around her, and how they “hated” her too.
This woman hates herself and the way she looks, and is used to others (and her own damn family) thinking that about her as well. It’s happened enough times for her to be used to it, and not be surprised when it happens. It’s happened enough times for her to adopt that mentality herself. But still, not enough times for it not to hurt. Not enough times for her to be able to ignore it. Because, like I’ve said, you’d have to be ridiculously strong to be able to do that. And she is, no doubt about that. But the reason she can’t deflect it is because she believes it herself. Deep down, she thinks that these people are justified in their ridicule of her. And how could she not? That’s what she’s been raised to think, what’s been forced upon her since she was born. The people in this woman’s life have been so horrible to her that she a), barely even registers it anymore, b), doesn’t register it as a bad thing, c), believes that they’re justified in their opinions, and d), does it to herself.
She beats herself up on a daily basis by accepting these people’s horrible opinions of her as truth. Because again, she’s been brought up to do that. To believe those things.
She has literally been raised, trained to hate herself, by people who are supposed to raise her to think the opposite.
And then, at the train station, off to see the Wizard (pun fully intended), Elphaba is finally getting her wish. Finally, something is going her way. Yet she almost throws that away to comfort her sister. This alone shows how much she truly loves Nessa, and how much she’s willing to sacrifice for her, even though she gets nothing in return.
And then, when she’s talking to Galinda before Fiyero arrives, she asks about him, and then immediately brushes it off as unlikely. Because she thought that maybe, after their little moment that day, maybe Fiyero would remember. Maybe Fiyero would come and say goodbye to her.
Maybe Fiyero does care about her.
But she immediately laughs it off, because she thinks it’s silly. Silly that someone like him could care about someone like her.
Yet another instance of that rock-bottom self-esteem.
And that’s why she’s so surprised to see him when he does show up.
And afterwards, we have One Short Day.
“It’s all grand! And it’s all green!
She’s so happy that she’s finally found a place where she feels she belongs. She’s never felt like she belonged anywhere. Not even her own home. And this place holds so much hope and potential for her, hope and potential that’s going to be crushed before her eyes.
“I want to remember this moment. Always. Nobody’s staring. Nobody’s pointing. For the first time I’m somewhere where I belong.”
I honestly don’t think there’s much that needs to be said for this. She’s finally found a place that feels like home to her. A safe place. She’s never been anywhere where someone isn’t laughing or pointing at her. She doesn’t know what it feels like to fit in. And now that she feels she finally does, she’s the happiest she’s ever been.
I’d also like to point out that the people who accepted her as their own one minute turned on her the next just by a few words from their Wizard, but we’ll get into that later.
Elphaba goes to the Wizard with high hopes. She proves herself by helping Chistery, completely unaware of the consequences. She’s tricked, manipulated into doing what the Wizard wants. And then, she realizes. When she says “You have no real power”, you can hear the pain in her voice. Because this is a turning point. A point where she’s now aware of what a monster the man she once idolized is. Imagine for a moment someone you hold up on a pedestal, someone you idolize and would do anything for, really. You have high expectations for those people, don’t you? And imagine how heartbreaking it would be to find out that they were nothing like you thought they were. Imagine how awful you would feel if your idol turned out to be a sick, twisted bastard. Because that’s exactly what happened to Elphaba.
Not only that, she was hoping that this man could help her. “De-greenify” her. Make her “normal”. Help her fit in. And she’s just come to the realization that he can’t even do that.
It’s a double kick to the gut for her, and she still finds a way to gather her wits about her and make a decision. A decision in the midst of all this that she thinks she won’t regret. And I’m sure, in some ways, she doesn’t. But in plenty of other ways, she does.
She chooses to keep her integrity. Keep herself. Keep her own soul, go with her gut, and fight against this monster. And of course, it costs her. It costs her so many things. But in that moment, how could she know? How could she know the sacrifices that would have to be made? I’m sure she did to some extent, though not fully, but that’s what also makes it a selfless decision. She was willing to throw herself into the roaring masses, throw herself under the bus, in order to keep fighting for these Animals. In order to keep fighting for what she believed in.
This is also where the slander starts. The fact that she was tricked into using that spell on the monkeys is twisted to make it her fault. Madame Morrible goes so far as to call her a distortion and a repulsion, and makes a mention of her green skin. Something else that wasn’t her fault, that wouldn’t actually be a bad thing that’s being made to seem like one.
And this is THE turning point.
She’s known no longer as Elphaba by anyone anymore.
She’s The Wicked Witch of the West now.
No one questions it, protests, no one tries to help her. They all go along with it, because it’s easy. Because Elphaba made the hard choice to fight, they’re making the easy choice to accept the fallacy that she’s wicked for that.
And it only gets worse from there.
However, Defying Gravity is one of Elphaba’s breakout songs. She’s tired of resting on her laurels. She’s tired of watching from the sidelines as these Animals are having their rights taken away. And for once, she’s actually confident in herself. Confident that she can do this, that she can make a difference—”I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game”.
And the “too long I’ve been afraid of losing love I guess I’ve lost. Well if that’s love, it comes at much too high a cost!” line is a huge part of this too. Because we know she’s never really felt genuine love before, and she was really just starting to feel it with Glinda. So she’s basically saying, why should I stay? Why should I just hide in the shadows when I really don’t have anything to lose? She doesn’t care about her own well-being, and she doesn’t have anyone else to care about the well-being of.
Aside from Glinda, and that’s why she invited her to come with her. That’s why she tried so hard to convince her to leave all the bullshit behind and actually do something important.
And then, when Glinda refuses, of course they’re both upset. But Elphaba isn’t going to let that get in the way. Because she’s finally free. She’s finally flying.
And nobody in all of Oz, no Wizard that there is or was, is ever gonna bring her down.
Or at least, so she thought.
Sincerely, An Angel Like Elphaba Didn’t Deserve This Shit
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