float

- not blogging anymore. maybe some time in the future when my life isn't so hectic and miserable, I'll return. to amber, amira and jessy - if you read this, i just want to thank you. you should know that you helped me through a lot and i will forever grateful for what you have done for me, a stranger. may God bless you all for your kindness and may he grant you happiness and success that you all deserve. love you xxx HOME; MESSAGE; LINKS; ♥

[wishbonesandwanderlust]

[venetians]

[whocareslivelife]

[pinkbubblemonster]

thoughts

There was one point in my life I complained about every thing.. I'd rant about it here on tumblr and I'd be thinking wow why is my life like this? Why can't it be better? Why can't I have him? Why is everyone against me? Why does my family always treat me this way? So many questions filled my head. I'd cry almost every day wishing for better days.

Here I am now.. wishing that I could have that one point of my life back in exchange for today. Little did I realize at that one point in my life that nothing was truly wrong. It was my outlook on life.. it was so negative. I was so ungrateful. How could I not see how blessed I was. I had my family, my mother, my father. I was too busy complaining about everything and being so selfish.

After everything that has happened, my life has changed.. but most of all my attitude towards life. Now, I've stopped counting my problems and instead, I'm counting my blessings. There's so much to be grateful for in my life.. I just wish I realized before, how much.

[touchdisky-deactivated20200106]

[wildserene]

[pinkbubblemonster]

Sorry

My previous post was much longer but for some odd reason only half of it is showing:( I will write very soon I promise!! Love you all x

[pinkbubblemonster]

Hello beautiful followers,

Wow it feels incredibly weird writing on my tumblr after so long. Most of my followers probably don't remember me but all I want to say is I've missed you guys. I have over 100 messages to get through and I hope that by this week, I will reply to all of them. I don't know what to say other than hope that all of you are okay<3 thank you so so so much for all your beautiful messages which helped me through the most painful time of my life. God bless you all. I can't really post everything I want to say to you guys in this post.. Even now I feel overwhelmed. I hope I can start posting more regularly and get back to normal. I know since I've been away, some of your messages seemed like you thought that something was wrong with me... I'm okay. I've just had a very difficult year as you could imagine. It's still a very painful time for me and SO much has happend in my life that I don't know where to start. I know this post is all over the place:( I just want to tell you guys every single thing. I've missed you so much. I can't thank you enough for all your supportive messages. I'm not sure how regularly I will post on this tumblr as I'm busy with a few things, but I promise you I will not disappear off tumblr like that again. Love you all! P.s - jessy and amber I hope you see this message with a smile. I'm back darlings, I've missed you sooo much! You will hear from me soon I promise<3 Shummie x

[expensivelife]

[pinkbubblemonster]

Hey Shummie! I wanted to send some love your way. I know you've been missing your dad, but I want you to think of something: what would your dad want for you, more than anything? Happiness. And while it is good to be sad and it is okay and normal to be sad, your dad really, really wants you to be happy. You know that because you knew and love him so much. Keep on fighting, because that's what dads want for their daughters. <3

<3 thank you. Its still painful. I've been sleeping in his room for a while now. Being in my own room feels so odd. I just sit in his room and I always expect him to hear him call my name but its just so quiet around here its killing me..

How can I be happy? Just thinking about him, my heart feels so heavy and my eyes tear up. No one really understands.. 

but I do understand what you mean anon. He wanted my happiness. Maybe one day, just not now. Thank you for your message xxx

[pinkbubblemonster]

Shummie, you can get better! We believe in you and love you the way you are! If you want to come to tumblr more to get love from your followers, don't shy away! It is okay to have a life online AND offline! We love you, keep on fighting and stay connected! I once heard that everyone should do something that scares them every day - it's okay if responding to a few messages is scary, but try answering one a day! We believe in you Shummie! <3

hello, I think I will try my best to answer all the messages I have in my inbox, there is about 80 so it will take a while. thank you so much<3 I miss having kind anons like you who make me smile. I need to come back on tumblr and connect with my followers again, but it might just take some time, I'm really busy:( xxx

[pinkbubblemonster]

he'll always be looking down on you, just because he isnt physically there doesn't mean he isn't in spirit.

[pinkbubblemonster]

I hate my life

I miss tumblr. I miss messaging Jessy and Amber. Having someone to talk to about literally anything and everything. Guy problems, family problems, friend problems.. everything. Now I'm here, my life has changed so much. I just wanna lock myself in my room sometimes and not talk to anyone, not worry about a single damn thing. I hate university. My last year and I seriously couldn't care if I graduate or not. That motivation I use to have is gone.. disappeared. What's the point graduating and not having that one person who means the world to me, not be there? Why does losing someone hurt so much? Why can't I sleep anymore? Why is it I sit by myself, I feel this big lump in my throat, a sick feeling in my stomach, my eyes stinging, my head spinning? My days are passing. I'm not doing any work, I'm failing. I'm falling in this downward spiral and no one is noticing. I don't want to cry because I put on this front that I'm so happy and people actually believe me. I want someone in my life... and no not one of my silly crushes. I want someone there for me. I want someone to pick me up right now, I feel so weak. I need a cuddle, I need someone to wipe away my tears, I need someone to love me. Ugh I feel like I'm running out breath as I'm writing this. I feel so horrible. I don't want to fall into depression again.. I don't want to feel that worthless. Its so easy to tell people to change their lives and be someone.. but its not easy. How do you pick yourself up when you're all alone.. nothing to look forward to? I can't believe how ungrateful I use to be... I use to actually hate my life. But now, its different. This isn't a joke.. its for real. I would rather feel 'hurt' like I use to compared to what I feel right NOW. This world is so full of shit, some people are so fake, society is messed up, people are so cruel. God help me. 

I miss you guys on tumblr, I do. I want to reply to your messages but I can't? I just feel so different. I just stare at your messages and I want to say something but I'm not myself, its just that I feel so .. broken? 

[radiativesunshine]

[vanille-dream]

white/beige/brown blog

[yanilavigne]

[ohmbusy]

[s-tasi]

perfect knit

[triahwrtlonmami-blog]