I think getting high all the time and barely eating is my form of therapy now, aside from trazodone. I'm miserable at my workplace but at least I get to walk more than 25k steps daily, and I get to practically âve since my stomach hurts all the time.
I came back to diet teas and calorie counting like it was a lost loved one. I try not to think about it too much when I weigh myself but the shame and regret weighs me down even more. Sometimes I wish I had a time machine to go back in time to 2016 when I was at my lowest weight, looking at myself now just feels like a humiliation ritual.
The feeling of my stomach starving while high and working out doesn't compare to anything else, I can feel my muscles burning and my stomach too. I think tonight I'll rewatch my favorite movies, stay active and try to eat as little as possible.
