Hi pls talk about if / when peter finds out about the squip thanks
let lune talk about squips 2k19
First we have to talk about Jeremy’s view of his squip.
When Jeremy took the squip, he was at his lowest point. He thought he was worthless, pathetic, a screw up, was entirely convinced that without some form of help he was entirely unlikeable. What the squip told him ( everything about me is just terrible / everything about me makes me want to die ) isn’t anything Jeremy hasn’t already told himself– it’s just giving a second voice to those thoughts. And that’s what causes the cave in, this complete rejection of everything that made Jeremy Heere Jeremy.
Flash forward, Jeremy has become the worst version of himself. He cares for nothing but his own self fulfillment, turned his back on the one person who’s been there for him no matter what, and hurts everyone around him. Nearly destroys his school because of it. and when he realizes what he’s doing is wrong, he realizes too late– he can’t save himself.
The squip represents the worst parts of himself. His lowest points, how selfish he is, how weak he is and willingly he gave in.
Of course he doesn’t want Peter to find out about that. Peter, who is strong and kind and selfless and so entirely good, who Jeremy is falling in love with. He doesn’t want him to see the dark corners, where he failed and where he hurt people. Where he fucked up, and where he’s fucked up because he’s never getting rid of it– the squip will always be a part of him, no matter how much he wishes the red had permanently burned it out. But now it’s far too ingrained into his system ( implants in your brain wasn’t a joke, and his body has accommodated the foreign technology no matter how much Jeremy wishes it hadn’t ) to be safely removed, and no matter how damaged the computer is it simply reappears some days later with a vengeance. There’s no saving Jeremy from this mistake.
Peter seeing all this for the first time? It would crush Jeremy.
He wouldn’t be able to look him in the eyes. Being around him would hurt, feeling the weight of his gaze on him would hurt. At any moment, he’d be prepared for Peter to realize he isn’t worth it– that he’s too fucked up, that he isn’t as good as Peter had thought. He isn’t worth it. And of course, any anger Peter expressed at having such a huge secret kept from him ( especially after he trusted Jeremy with his own ) would be entirely justified. Jeremy would be certain he deserves any harsh treatment, any cold shoulder. If Peter decided he never wanted to see Jeremy again, he would understand.
And even if Peter did find out, and the anger subsided and he decided he still wanted to be with Jeremy, Jeremy wouldn’t talk about it. The days the squip was bad, when the light hurt his eyes and his ears rang with static and a hissing, biting voice– he would never tell him. Peter would never know how bad it got, how it never truly left him alone.
It’s not Peter’s problem. It’s no one’s problem but his own.
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