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One critique about reverse by Kate Stewart is that the narrators of the audiobook sound waaaay too mature for the characters, especially the fmc. The mmc and fmc are both very early 20s, like 22-23 and the female narrator sounds like she’s 35 and it is very jarring and takes me out of the story, especially when the youth of the characters and their naivety play such a big role in the story. Yes I bought the audiobook after reading the book because I wanted to be able to consume it whenever and wherever and have it delivered straight into my brain via audio waves

#I don’t usually get defensive about books I loved when I read negative comments but I did about reverse bc ppl were mad about the characters #being annoying and impulsive like YES THEYRE 23 YEARS OLD!!! that’s the point #they’re supposed to be naive and impulsive and act with their hearts #and they’re supposed to LEARN and GROW and then discover that they’re meant to be together #I think it’s soooo important when you fall in love young to make sure you do some growing by yourself so you’re not #dependent on that person and can rely on yourself and that is what happened #I do think they made some stupid decisions but that’s life and they were so sheltered and naive and did the best they could #and yeah I wish the heartbreak didn’t happen! but that’s real life #ppl make wrong and stupid decisions and we learn and grow and forgive

Kate Stewart was really onto something writing a book about drive by deftones (NOT by the cars). Like who is gonna pick me up when I fall. Who is gonna pay attention to my dreams. WHO is gonna drive ME home tonight

#NOT BY THE CARS see prev post

Last year my book of the year was actually two books, neither of which came out last year but were just books I read for the first time last year, drive and reverse by Kate Stewart. It’s been more than 6 months since I read them and I just listened to drive by deftones and I am in tears thinking about the books. I love yearning and just thinking about the scene in drive where they’re playing drive by deftones makes me choke up every time. And don’t get me started on reverse and hypnotized by Coldplay and the way the dance chapter literally made me sob like a baby for an hour, I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe. Anyway. I don’t know why the ravenhood series is the booktok famous Kate Stewart series when drive and reverse are so much better

#yes I know drive by deftones is a cover but imo it is the original because no offense to the cars but deftones’ version is so much better #like what were the cars even thinking smh… that song was always meant to be as deftones performed it. the sadness and desperation in it #is exactly what the lyrics deserved

Just worked myself up into sobs thinking about the inevitability of my dog dying and how empty and quiet my life will be. There won’t be any snuggles or kisses or twirls or waggy tails. How will I ever move on from her? She’s my first dog that’s all my own and so much of me is her. I’m so scared to live without her

#she isn’t sick or anything I’m just catastrophizing as usual #although is it catastrophizing when I know she will die one day probably within 5 years?#basically I was telling her how we are moving to our new home next week and then I got emotional thinking about how it’ll probably be her #last home and she will probably live there until she dies and then I just got all worked up #thinking about how can I ever love another dog like I love her #how can I ever bond so deeply with another dog #my whole life revolves around her #no dog will ever be her or be as perfect as her #I’ll never get over it #now I’m sobbing again

This account is fun bc in recent years I have posted so sporadically that it’s just a running list of major things that have happened in my life and it makes me think about what major thing will happen in my life next year that I will post about. Will I be in love? Part of me wishes I could fast forward and know but I also don’t want to miss out on the experience of falling in love

I’m glad to see that tumblr is still just y’all obsessing over the most random men to an almost concerning level

When I was dating my last ex bf I would sometimes forget he existed and that he was my bf. I am four days into this acquaintance and she is my every thought. Ok I’m not getting too excited I’m tempering my feelings but still. I’m hopeful

Hello I’ve come on to do my yearly age update in my bio and also share that I went on the most amazing first date last Friday with the most amazing girl and it led to the most amazing first kiss ever with a girl and I already can’t wait to see her again and I’ve never felt such a connection with someone and I’m so excited to see where it goes :-)

Hi long time no see

I got diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea and the recommendations were to get a cpap machine or lose weight so I have resolved to lose weight by eating better and being more active (ie taking 30 minute walks) and I’m like 2 days into this and already I’ve slipped and I’m feeling really guilty about it. I just really wanted s’mores so I had smores. And I was so tired after work I didn’t take my walk. And I’m probably like 2000 calories over my recommended daily amount and I didn’t exercise and i just want to give up and rot. I’ve gained about 40lbs in the past 5ish years but I am tall and the weight is almost entirely in my stomach so I still appear to be slender face on and i still fit in size 12-14 and this is the first time I’ve really been told to lose weight to fix a medical problem (chronic fatigue) and the worst thing about this is that even if I lose the weight and the sleep apnea goes away I know I’m still going to be chronically fatigued! Because 8 years ago I had a sleep study because I was chronically fatigued and I was a healthy weight and I did not have sleep apnea! So it’s not just sleep apnea and being overweight that is the cause of my fatigue but because I am overweight nothing matters except that. And I knew this denial of medical issues based on weight happened, my mom has faced it and I believe people when they talk about it, it’s just the first time I’ve ever faced it because I was always thin growing up. So it’s just been frustrating lately and I’ve been hating myself and especially today I hate myself for not having the self control not to eat s’mores

#weight mention tw 29485

Just woke up from a dream where I was in art school (completely unrealistic as I am not artistic) and for some reason they required students to take a pre algebra course and I didn’t want to take it I was literally crying in class saying I was going to quit art school just bc of the pre algebra and arguing why I had to take pre algebra in art school when I got a 5 on the ap calculus b/c exam in high school (which is true irl)

#terrible haunting nightmare

For years now I’ve been convinced I will die before age 30 and maybe the high cholesterol will kill me in 4 years. If so then what’s the point of watching what I eat (I say as I have shake shack on the way)

#it’ll be my only fast food this week I can’t go cold turkey also I have nothing to cook bc I have to go shopping for salmon and healthy shit

People are dying and starving and I’m having a baby fit over how I’m not supposed to eat fast food anymore bc I have high cholesterol as a 26 yo bc I eat very poorly and I just want to know what the fuck, me? What is wrong with me. Gain some perspective, you fucking asshole. Can you literally not

Ugh I just feel terrible like what am I even supposed to say

#like you’re great but I just don’t feel anything stronger than friendship? but we’ve been dating like 3 months so like is that bad to say?

Like I don’t know how I should be feeling but if I had to guess I don’t feel like I think I should feel

#like I only have one relationship to go off of and it is a poor example bc it was a toxic high school relationship but I remember feeling so #giddy to see him and wanting to spend time with him all the time and talking for hours and now I’m just like 🤷‍♀️ it’s fine. I have a bf and #he’s there sometimes and most of the time he’s not like what am I gaining from the relationship? not that he isn’t giving and great it’s #more like am I happier in the relationship than I am if I were single? I’d probably feel the same way #ugh and what an awful time to make up my mind like Valentine’s Day is on Wednesday and now I have to find an acceptable time to break up

Ughhhhh

#y’all idk I think I want to break up with my bf #I know that’s horrible to say but I’m just not feeling how I think I should be feeling #mostly I’m just feeling companionable friendship with him but I don’t think I see myself falling in love with him #I feel horrible about this but idk #idk how I’m supposed to be feeling like I feel like most of the time I forget I even have a bf #and I shouldn’t string him along if I don’t see myself developing stronger feelings for him bc right now I’m at ambivalence

Y’all I accidentally said I love you to bf tonight I was leaving his work holiday party and gave him a kiss and said okay bye love you and then I was like 😳 wait that was an accident but then he said love you too 😳 and now I’m like 😳

#it’s just a friendly love though I’m not in love with him yet I don’t think

More bf ramblings

We had a very long discussion about kids today which was probably way too soon bc we’ve only been officially dating for less than a month but he is 30 so he is being very intentional about a relationship and the future bc he wants to have a family probably in like 5 years or less Which is mind boggling to me bc I am still very much a child in my mind. Like the past 5 years went so fast and now the next 5 years will probably go so fast and I might have children by then? But I was very upfront about probably not wanting biological children and instead adopting or fostering to adoption and he understands and seems okay with that. I don’t want to be pregnant bc I am a weak little baby and am not strong enough to be pregnant (truly is a feat of fearless individuals to be pregnant) and also I don’t want to pass on any of my bad biological genes. Anyway the only thing we aren’t on the same page about is that I would want to hyphenate our children’s last names and he is very against that so I told him we could make a new last name by combining our last names which any option is truly horrendous and gave us a good laugh so tbd about that although I think I can get him to compromise with hyphenating if I say I want to combine our names lol

#this is all hypothetical like we literally just started dating we aren’t making plans or anything #he also agreed with me that getting engaged after only 7 months was way too fast bc he knows someone who just got engaged after 7 months an #I was like that Is way too fast and he’s like I agree so an engagement is not anywhere in the near future lol #I’d want to wait a year to two years before getting engaged I think

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