Matilda @please-dont-leave-meee - Tumblr Blog

Rejection after rejection. :/// Unemployed for a month tomorrow.

10.31.24

So the other night when I couldn't sleep, I wrote here about some of my wedding plans and just last night, few hours ago, after dinner with my boyfriend, who talked about our plans for the next three years. He said he should be married already in two years time, coz three is too long.

It's good to know and hear him say that. We agreed that we'll prioritize our depts and savings in 2025 and then plan in 2026.

God, please bless this plan. May we always be safe and healthy so we can get married and grow old together. I love him so much.

10/28/2024 12:49

#love #wedding

I have a guest list for my wedding already and I'm not even engaged yet!

But it's so fun to prepare and plan for this without the pressure or the assurance that I'll get married.

I have around 60 guests. That includes my family and friends and my boyfriend's. I'm still thinking of keeping the number lower as I want an intimate wedding and 60 seems too many.

I have wedding gown options, I know the type that I want. Something with mesh, and like a fairy gown. I'm also planning to create a newspaper type of wedding plan. It'll be ready on their table at the reception.

Instead of pinning money on my dress, there'll be an envelope on their table so they'll feel comfortable putting any amount for money dance.

I'll leave extra seat for Papa, Papa Mio and Honny. It's sad to think they won't be there.

Camille and I are planning to do a double wedding. So we don't have to worry about walking alone on the aisle. We'll walk hand by hand.

I also want the magazine type for photos of the wedding. All of these will cost a lot for sure, so I have to prepare for that.

In God's perfect time.

10/26/2024 10:10 PM

#love #wedding

Reading back what I wrote here for years makes me really sad, coz I was very, very sad.

But I'm okay now. I'm in a better place now and am being loved properly 💖

- 03/20/2024 2:56 AM.

2018 x 2022

I miss you, love.

July 28, 2022 10:21 AM.

Pagod na ko.

06/09/22

11:45 am.

Protect your votes 💗

#letlenikikolead2022 #letlenilead

Hindi na rin siguro talaga.

Ayoko na.

05.03.2022 1:17 pm

I want flowers.

02/15/2022 3:48 am

I can't let him go.

12.08.21 1:15 pm

🖤

11/08/2021

I think this is it, the end of our 2 year relationship.

Imagine holding onto someone for two years

Being patient with them when they go through phases and sadness, wish them well and wait for them when they disappear and welcome them back when they feel in the mood for you again.

Imagine being ghosted for so many times, for so many months, not getting a sincere apology, begging for their time

All the while still being patient and loving and hoping they'd change and see you've been there for them for so long and that you love them for real.

Imagine doing things they're into because you love them,

only to get tired one time and ask if it's better to just break up and then get this message?

I want you to try.

I want you to show me you care.

Fucking hate this.

10/19/2021 12:29 am

Distance and timezones

won't outshine my love for you.

It's stronger than those.

#haiku

05/24/2021 ❤️❤️

Things I want to receive but of course would never ask anyone for

I miss getting hand written letters. Been a long time since the last time I did. I'd be very happy if I get one again.

Flower/s. I love receiving flowers. Makes me feel all goofy inside.

Coffee is a love language.

And this is too much to ask for, but like a scrapbook with pictures on it and letters or anything. Lyrics. Quotes. Poems. I made some for friends because it's a way of showing love. It'll be nice to get one in this lifetime.

This is also I think is too much and can be done if a person thinks a lot about me but like, send me a document or PowerPoint presentation of what you want to tell me or just telling me what I mean to you or just anything about us/me. I made some for him and friends. I think that my love language is words of affirmation and I love doing things like that for others and want to also get some of that?

Of course I didn't do it for them to do it for me too. It just would be nice to feel loved that way.

I want to feel loved.

I need love today.

February 04, 2021 8:29 pm

Hi. I'm having depressive episode and I'm super anxious right now. I've been in bed for the whole week and I have a lot of things to do that is making me anxious, scared and I just want to run away and die. But I can't get myself to do all them because I am feeling so weak and sad.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to exist anymore. I am so tired. But I'm not doing anything so why am I tired? I want to give up.

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