Dear Diary

I didn't expect people to see this but it's somehow been happening and I feel like I need to explain myself. This is just an online diary for me, it will be just a whole lot of sooking so don't bag on me please

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

Drunk at a party and have coped pretty well all night but it’s hard to fight the sad suicidal feelings but they’re stupid and I deserve to be happy because I am supposed to be happy right??????!!!

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

You’re not alone. Everything is okay.

Take a breath, bring yourself back to reality. Nothing is that serious. Life is not that serious. It should be easy and if it’s not then change. Food is not the answer. You are worth something

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

I actually need to be stronger within myself. Not to take things so personally. It’s hard after a binge because things feel so stupidly heavy on these days but I am doing okay, I will be okay, I have control on who I am

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

I need to remember I don’t hate myself, I just hate the choices I make sometimes.

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

I’m not okay tonight but it will pass

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

I want to be happy. I feel like my soul is missing something. Something is just NQR. I don’t know what it is but other people have it and they make things work.

It’s really hard to imagine that I’m ever going to find that thing

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

Boy had shit style anyway

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

Other words it’s his actions that are making me doubt myself not mine

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

I think I’m pms’ing hard. I went through a little unlovable breakdown. I feel closer to Lauchie all the time but he’s being doing weird things to stop us hanging out, I think he’s doing it because he thinks that what I want but of course the other explanation is that he’s losing interest. But he’s really good to me in person so I duuuunnno.

I need to message him to let him know that I’m away this week but it feels like I’d be annoying or clingy to message him. Just because I felt really annoying last night and this morning, but I 100% feel this way because he’s acting weird

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

Is anyone fucking happy?

How?

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

I do want to lose weight for Lauchie. I know he’d never ask that of me but I want to be my best for him. I want him to be undeniably proud to tell people I’m his girl

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

Lauchie is beautiful, he is such a wonderful person. I really could see myself loving him. I think we’d look after each other and make each other happy. There wasn’t a huge bang spark but it was a slow burn and it’s still burning. I can’t get over how happy I get when he tells me I make him happy.

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

Time for a few positive posts

I’m doing pretty well mentally and physically. Not amazing but I’m happy with it. Slow progress is good progress because it’s real progress not just the same back and forth that I’ve become so used to. Things seriously be okay. No matter how shit the day Anna, you’re a good person and you are valued. Life isn’t that serious that you have to keep up with your forever changing idea of perfect. Relax

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

I think slowly I’ll cry less and less and one day I’ll wake up realise I haven’t cried for weeks

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

I don’t know why I feel so upset about it really. He is a really nice guy but I tried, I mean solid 8-9 dates later and there’s no huge spark. Good memories and good times but also awkward no fun times. And really he never gave me much, said he had a fun time but never really smiled. Actions speak louder than words

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

Now I know

[pleasedontjudgemeafterseeingthis]

Just because one boy doesn’t like you doesn’t mean anything. You weren’t even that keen girl. You were interested no doubt to see if it was something but now you know