polysacandpolyshaft

mers;Poly(1-methylethylene) of PP is between 0.895 and 0.93 g/cm3. ultra-high-molecular-weight polyethylenewith prime synthetic resin with ultra-violet inhibitors Impervious to salt air and most common stains.which is Fade Resistant; Rust Resistant; UV Resistant; W

[po1ysacch4r1de]

I am not cool

Cool is such a nothing word it's a placeholder for meaning

I've ruined my mind and soul making cool my religion

I've given my sacraments for both pity and validation

I'm a fully loaded fireball bursting with potential that will do nothing but burn out without intention

Many moons ago I forgot that I was the sun

I will burn everything in my path beyond recognition as long as I am high in the sky and the dew is dry

To answer your question, cool is a futile arbitration in a world of absurdity

Everyday I will inch closer to a truer relationship with myself and my world

Nothing else will ever exist

[po1ysacch4r1de]

love that is given cannot be taken back

love that is given cannot reclaimed

love that is given cannot be undone

that fact can hurt the ego

scornful for giving joy to someone who doesn’t deserve it doesn’t reciprocate it and doesn’t know you but if you were to strip the ego away if you could see the positive effects of your love, would you really want to take it back ?

[po1ysacch4r1de]

went home

no work

made music

stayed up

went out

got drunk

got lost

got found

made love

wild dreams

pink petals and flamingo trees

and in my rueful act the you from my dreams was the sweetest you you’ve ever been

[po1ysacch4r1de]

this is only for you, but I can’t say your name

I look at you and I see something that subverts expectation

all expectation even yours.

Do I see you or do you even?

I’m uneven

I can’t even.

I’m the water in your lungs as you drown.

Somebody throw a flag!

you’re probably better off here

I’m the water in your bowl, drink from me and i will let you bleed me dry

[po1ysacch4r1de]

If I haven’t been dealt the faculties to love myself

how could i possibly love my community?

i must love you because i have no choice

my life depends on it

for the very same reasons that i can’t love myself, you can’t even begin to know yourself, much less love yourself.

maybe it is love that depends on us

if i can at least love you and learn you and know you,

can i at least take pride and joy in this simple fact?

it doesn’t even matter who or what you is

can i love myself in turn for knowing you?

and can you begin to learn how to love yourself by knowing me?

[po1ysacch4r1de]

I want to be in the middle of the Arctic ocean completely marooned, and away from everyone I’ve ever loved and everyone I’ve ever known

This proximity is killing me. I can hear the whispers in my head. Their disgusted. Disappointed, disillusioned faces. I am not what they think I am, but I also was never who I thought I was and who I strived so hard to be.

I feel all the angels in the entire universe, looking down upon me

some in hatred for all the things that I have transgressed and for all the wings that I have cut

Some in pity which feels all the worse for I know what I’ve done and it is only me that will have to continue living with myself and their pity shields me from none of it

And then those angels of whom I’ve loved the most and would sacrifice anything for

except the truth of what I was and what I was running from

From them, I see them look down upon me with such disappointment, but a compassionate disappointment that hurts the absolute most because I know they truly loved the person they thought I was

The me I tried so hard to embody,

But now to all of whom I still love with all my heart,

it was less of a promise and more of a lie



[po1ysacch4r1de]

Ive tortured you for a million years

I always knew theyd try to lynch me

I just didn’t know that I’d deserve it

for all that I’ve hurt, I take full responsibility

But I still have to live.

The remorse is the cross I’ll have to bare for the rest of my life.

[po1ysacch4r1de]

With some lovers, I have felt like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Others have made me feel like a loving, docile creature.

Sometimes you have to be this way. Wait for the kill.

Don't show any weakness.

You have to be this way when you’re lying with a wolf.

But youre starting to know the difference

who’ll bare their teeth first? Who’s looking for blood? It's in the eyes. Are they a predator, or prey?

Its in the eyes.

[po1ysacch4r1de]

maybe if i just slow down and lower my case my brain will stop telling my heart to punch my throat

everything is beautiful because it be

no questions.

please im begging you to let it be. i feel further from god and further from myself

but this feeling will pass.

[po1ysacch4r1de]

i am out of control.

i feel the sickening feeling of biting off more than i can chew

this is hell on earth

i am suffering from my own gluttony

and even more sickening…

i could live like this forever

[po1ysacch4r1de]

06/04/2024

i want to be with you more than anything

i would drive for hours just for you to end my suffering

why don’t you take it from me?

what do i have to do to show you im hurting too?

i’ll do it in an instant

even if i destroy myself completely you wouldn’t love me because you have loved me and you see through me and you know what i am

pry open my mouth and peer down my throat and look deep down inside of me

im empty and the only thing you’ll see is…

an asshole.

[po1ysacch4r1de]

my anger is rough and course like sandpaper

painful as it brushes against your skin

painful as it runs down my tongue

smoothing away the details of the more complex emotions to blank flat nothingness

nothing left to discern or make sense of ————-

[po1ysacch4r1de]

Question

is ouroboros sad?

is he meant to be a cautionary tale

or is he utterly content eating himself

joining self with self

self absorbing self

being self absorbed gets a bad wrap

no one ever thinks of ouroboros

being more one than any one one could be

should i feel guilty for eating my own tail?

foolish?

i want to indulge in myself until my self has absorbed into formlessness

shapelessness selflessness oneness

is this the cautionary tale?

or tail…

[po1ysacch4r1de]

i love you more than your lovers

past and future

i love you more when you tie your hair up in those two long braids and i love you even more when you wear it down

i wish i could be it as it lays softly on your shoulders, curling up against your skin like a loving, docile creature

beautiful and powerful but tamed only by you

i wish i could be a physical part of you

so i would always have an excuse to be in your presence

attached to you

an extension of you

to be deeply rooted inside of you yet still able to reach out and caress…

those eyebrows,

that powerful beautiful nose,

your lips, your throat, your chest

im wrapping around your skull, slowly creeping down your back…

down towards your waist

down

down

down

i love it when you wear me down.

[po1ysacch4r1de]

She grows tired

slips between the margins

surely she’ll go home with me

maybe that’s all she needed

to feel included

maybe that’s all she needed

somebody give her a pen

i want to be that somebody who listens

all she ever needed.

[po1ysacch4r1de]

Count the seconds as I take my hands off the steering wheel

that’s how it feels to be with you

i’m in your arms, our lives in my hands

i could die from the pressure

maybe even crush under it

especially with the weight of everything i’ve ever done wrong weighing down the weight of the entire world

we’re all sinking now

falling through space

if only i could stand to be in yours

[po1ysacch4r1de]

are you like this when you’re with them? this buoyancy barely keeping my head above sea

this light that shines through the places where i am hollow

do you shine for them

and will you love them more because their ship is not sinking and with you and your buoyancy, and your levity

they will do so much more than not drown

together,

you will sail

i,

will learn to swim