Backstage Ninjas

Theatre, Tech crew, Project Hail Mary, Six Of Crows, Peaky Blinders and RDR2

[tuherrus]

you don't even have a dog

[licenseddoctor]

Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

[snototter]

An adult male fantastic least gecko (Sphaerodactylus fantasticus) in Guadeloupe

[snototter]

i'm actually not sure why sphaerodactylus are often called least geckos but i have to assume its just one of the least amounts of gecko you can get

[ph-cutie]

[bite-my-grimy-fleshy-ass]

If You Like a Long Island, Wait Until You Try the Adios, Motherfucker

If you like a Long Island Iced Tea, wait until you try the provocatively named Adios, Motherfucker. It’s fun, boozy and blue.

Found a recipe for it that's worded like electrochemistry wrote it

[bite-my-grimy-fleshy-ass]

Update: this tastes like if a baha blast could kill you and annihilates any ongoing anxiety attacks

[bite-my-grimy-fleshy-ass]

Update update: comparing this to a long island is like comparing a pickup truck to a tank

[faemorrigan]

im realizing very fast that people do not in fact know that sometimes things in stories suck on purpose and it sucking is the point

[faemorrigan]

"this story is misogynistic!!"

>looks inside

>about the pressures of societal misogyny and how its bad

[queer-cosette]

throwback to the time I saw someone complain that 'Hairspray' had racial slurs in it...

[johnny-depp-is-loved]

[mixmyxa]

Guys... look at this Goddess, my dear. I've been trying all week.

Ребятааа... посмотрите какая Богиня, е мае

Старалась всю неделю

[wizardarchetypes]

it’s sooo funny when rude customers encounter employees who can deny them service for the first time.

i was working at a little cafe where I could deny service over bad behavior, harassment etc. & mask mandates had just ended a week before & already people were being weird about me still wearing mine—an N95, the kind shaped kinda like a duckbill.

so this man walked in, looked at me sooo scathingly, laughed at me, and said “damn. never known a woman to choose…practicality over looks.”

And I just said, “oh. you can go, you’re not getting a drink.” And he said, “what???”

I said, “sir, you just walked in at 6 am & called women impractical and me ugly in one sentence.”

And he was so astonished he didn’t even argue he just turned around and left 💀🙏🏻 it was like he suddenly became self aware

[carolinalaurel]

One summer I was running ferry rides across a lake so people could see the waterfalls without walking 6 miles when a guy snapped my bra strap as he was boarding the boat. So i immediately threw him off, he started yelling for my manager, my boss cheerfully informed him that, yeah, she’s the captain of the boat and she can kick off anyone she wants. He goes to storm off, looks expectantly at his girlfriend, and she just goes, “Well, I’M not walking six miles, Michael! I’ll meet you back at the car!” and sits right back down!!!!

The expression on his face when he was told that he couldn’t get on the boat, then immediately told that his girlfriend was ditching him? PRICELESS. he just blinked at her and then stormed off like a child. I gave her a free hat and was like maybe rethink this relationship…….

[hickeywiththegoodhair]

i once had this fucker come up to order a beer. while i pour it he shows me the wanky fucking chemical structure tattoo on his arm and he’s like “hey. you know what this is” i was like “nah sorry” (never cared abt chemistry in school, plus having to look at a some rando’s pretentious tattoo gives me the douche chills). he decides to respond with “heh. you must not read many books”

i immediately stop pouring his beer. i reply: “heh. you must not want this beer.” thirsty boy immediately starts groveling like a worm “please please no i do want the beer im sorry im sorry” believe me when i say it was one of the most pathetic things ive ever witnessed

[lezbadeez]

gotta love people immediately backpedaling when they realise that there are Consequences To Being Mean

[darksideofthecurtain]

I have a sneaking suspicion that something about 40# fell from a great height and touched this at speed.

[whatislifebesidesrehearsal]

Technician: Why are you so concerned about the haze machine?

Production Manager: Because on the last show, we had to… uh…

Lighting Designer: Wank off the haze machine live on stage mid-show to make it put out any fog.

Technician: Well that’s the first time I’ve ever heard someone say those words in that order.

[chicken-wrangler-extraordinaire]

my favorite replies to this post on r/lightingdesign complaining about directors asking for "black" light, compiled:

[mysharona1987]

[beardedmrbean]

[6qubed]

that was everything I was hoping it would be. marvelous

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I love this because you know exactly where it's going and you're not disappointed

[charlesoberonn]

I was so looking forward for the Jupiter gravity and it didn't disappoint and THEN THE SUN GRAVITY MADE ME HOLLER

[bunjywunjy]

i think you could reach escape velocity on pluto by just jumping really hard

[mokimo-art]

THWE DRAMATIC PAUSE IN THE SUN GRAVITY HAD ME

[gay--dog]

man half of my mutuals are named some shit like Snooble at this point im doing some poob as bullshit in my life

[discount--dracula]

wbat the hell you weren't even exaggerating

[stickyfrogs]

Trevor has been out and about in his Superb Sac of Wark! Tonight’s Song for Beverley is Wark-in-the-Corner!

[mevil]

[redstonedust]

we all know adult humans dont get enough enrichment but the other day i was walkin home past an empty playground and impulsively ran over to spin myself on this zipline merry-go-round contraption for a few minutes and it really did feel like it unlocked some neglected part of my brain. like damn we really should all go outside and play more. fuck. they werent kidding with this play time thing. have you guys heard about play time. it could be huge.