โPoetic blog, Hey, welcome, my name is Brianna. im 20, and this is my virtual poetic diary. I implore all lovers of literature and poetry to stick around for a while and explore my page :) . I post poetry (my own and some of my favorite poets, *hint my favorite is literally quoted above lol), literature quotes of all moods( depending on my mood) , and on the occasion my paintings. I do write custom poems as well ( I'll link all info in my navigation below)I'll try and be as active as I can, and hey if you decide to stick around and like what you see, give me a follow and let's build a poetry community โก .
Virgin bkg whoโs so painfully stupid but acts so arrogant. And when itโs getting heated and youโre making out and want to see his dickโฆ he gets all shy and embarrassed because he doesnโt know if it looks normal or as good as the other ones youโve seen. When you ask whatโs wrong he tells you itโs curved and you think itโs like BENT then he lets you see and itโs the prettiest most orgasm inducing upward curve youโve ever seen on a dick.
bakugou katsuki knows why he is a virgin. itโs pretty simple really despite the fact he is surrounded by beautiful women often. socialites, the new buzzing influencers, actors and pro heroes like.
itโs because heโs obsessed with his job. always has been. since he was a child who was dreaming of becoming a hero, to his teenage years fighting wars to now in his early twenties, working towards becoming number one.
women and mostly importantly, getting his dick wet, has never been number one on his list of priorities. sure heโd go to film premiers for that hero franchise he loves, occasionally a gorgeous woman would talk to him.
but the thing about growing up uninterested in sex and the only women around him being his friends that share the same heroic goalsโฆ well bakugou has never been very good at flirting. which again, was mostly okay since he would just walk away when a woman was about to talk to him.
until he met you that is. the first woman to make him dream of more, that made him unable to get through a shower without tugging one out to the thought of you. that during patrols, heโd think about texting you. what are you up to? where are you? when the hell can he kiss you next?
anyone is experienced compared to bakugou. heโs kissed a girl once in his third year of ua. heโs made out with two in his early twenties.
but now at twenty six this is first time having a woman in his apartment, on his bed, on his lap. he feels like a rabid animal. unsure where to put his hands with the desperate need to touch everywhere so he leaves them on the globes of your ass, squeezing every few seconds when all the feelings inside of him gets intense.
he knows heโs flushed red. he knows his dick is hard and you can feel it through your leggings. but youโre so perfect, leading the moment, letting him react however the hell he wants.
bakugou releases a loud moan when you stick your tongue down his throat, breasts pressed against his chest like you want to live in his skin. heโs never felt a woman like this before, he feels as if the word virgin is in capital letters printed onto his forehead.
he hasnโt told you directly he is but he thinks you know.
โyouโre soโฆ fuck. this is so fucked up,โ he breathes into your mouth and your fingers rake up into the hair on his nape.
your grin makes his heart skip a beat, falter slightly and he swears he gets winded.
youโre out of breath, chest heaving and your pussy is a centimetre away from sitting on his cock.
โwhyโs it fucked up? you okay?โ you brush your nose against his softly, smoothing out his eyebrow with your thumb. โyou look hot, do you want to take your top off?โ
youโre being so sweet to him and he appreciates it, he does. but as soon as he knows what heโs doing heโs gonna treat you right. properly.
for now, heโs just worried he doesnโt have what it takes.
โoh, err, fuck. sorry, yeah i will,โ he mumbles to you, yanking off his white tee from the neckline.
bakugou enjoys how your eyes glow, scanning his half naked body like itโs something you can eat. your hands immediately flatten against his chest. down his toned abdomen. up to his fat squishy pectorals. heโs never had someone touch him like this. he couldnโt be harder.
โyou donโt have to apologise, you know. this is new for us both.โ
โyouโre not the fuckinโ virgin here.โ he bites, โiโve never even had a woman in my room.โ
he can tell you like that idea. you inch closer to him on his lap, your hands are back on his shoulders. you brush your lips over his.
โi donโt know how. look at you.โ
and youโre back to making out with him. slower this time. tasting all the flavour from his tongue.
you softly bite down on his bottom lip and like a ring of the doorbell, bakugou opens up to let you in. itโs wet peck after wet peck, tilting your head to taste more of him. heโs eager, too eager ducking closer to you, as to not waste any time with your lips off his. you can only think that if he kisses with this much passion, youโre dying to know how heโd fuck.
bakugou tightly grips your ass and without meaning to, he shoves you directly onto his cock.
you mewl like a cat, hips grinding down onto him like you canโt help it. โyou feel so good, โtsuki.โ
you feel good because of him. him.
your tongue sneaks into his mouth, twirls and brushes against his. he learns quickly, youโll give him that. his tongue dances against yours, licking up everything you offer. you feel his body vibrate, his dick twitch. you begin sucking on his tongue and thatโs when he releases a harsh grunt. youโre soaked.
โlet me see it.โ you palm his cock through his shorts, โlet me see.โ
bakugou opens his eyes, pulls away from your mouth for a moment.
โiโฆ fuck.โ heโs back to mumbling. then stupidly, he looks down at the lump in his fabric.
โyouโฆ you donโt have to?โ you offer, unsure about his wide eyes, โwe can keep kissing?โ
โitโs just thatโฆ itโs justโฆ.,โ bakugou looks up to the ceiling.
heโd love for you to touch him, do anything to him but nobodies seen his dick before. sure heโs seen some porn videos and heโs never seen a dick like his in them. heโs googled and nothing said thereโs anything particularly wrong about his.
but what if you find it weird, what if it puts you off him completely?
โtalk to me, baby,โ you push, laying a kiss on his jaw. then making a line down his neck. โwanna make you feel good.โ
heโd like that.
โlisten. seriously.โ
you pull off him at that, sitting up on his lap, your hands at his waist. he is stupidly gorgeous. puffy pink lips because of you. his long straight eyelashes. his beautiful cheekbones and that eyebrow slit.
โiโm listening. tell me anything.โ you soften your tone, trying to get the horny out your eyes. your tits are basically spilling out your vest top and you donโt miss bakugouโs pupils darting to from them every few seconds.
โi thinkโฆ. iโฆโ
you donโt speak.
katsuki takes a deep breath. he almost shouts without meaning to. โnobody has seen my dick before but me. right?โ
you nod with a frown, unsure where this is going. โokay. nothingโs wrong with that.โ
bakugou winces. he isnโt built for this. heโs always been attractive physically. his body works better than the average. can run at speed, stealthy, built for hero work. his quirk is best of the best and is only getting stronger by the day. but using it for sex? thatโs something heโs got no clue about.
โit might not be normal lookinโ? like it works fine, iโve never had any problems with it? but it might be odd for you.โ
youโre immediately imagining the worst. itโs not small. you felt it a second ago between your legs. heck, youโve seen it when he walks around in those stupid grey joggers. oddly coloured, oddly shaped? is it too big?
โwhatโs wrong?โ you tilt your head.
his whole face is flushed. a beautiful pink to the apples of his cheeks. you would kiss them if he wasnโt so serious right now.
he closes his eyes, leans his head back on his headboard. his hands stay on your thighs. you tap his chest.
โcโmon tell me.โ
he exhales sharply.
โmy dick is fuckinโ curved. to the left. i donโt know why.โ he blurts, embarrassment written all over him, โitโs always been like that.โ
for him to be this stressed about it, it must be abnormal. is it like a hook? youโve seen one like that on one of those medical reality shows. would it be able to go inside if you? you so badly want him inside of you.
you shrug. you canโt imagine anything about this man being less than perfect. โit canโt be that bad, baby.โ
you rub his chest soothingly but his face doesnโt soothe you one bit.
โiโm fuckinโ sorry. i brought you here and weโre goinโ so well andโ,โ
โlet me see. let me see your dick, cโmon,โ you smile softly.
you sink your hand to touch his crotch again.
โyou sure? i donโt want you to be put off me like iโm a freakโ,โ
โkatsuki. come on.โ
itโs in slow motion. your mouth immediately start salivating, his hands grip the elastic waistband of his shorts. he pulls them down in one go with his underwear.
โoh katsuki. babyโฆ. honey.โ
this man has nothing to worry about. bakugou katsuki has on him, a cock that can rival your favourite dildos. it curves to the left, a smooth pleasing curve that you already know will hit your softest spots. you swallow your spit, your hands inching up his thighs. itโs darker at the base, twitching under your attention with two round balls (one a little larger than the other) at the bottom.
he is hefty. heavy. thick like a tree trunk with veins darting up the sides. you imagine the weight of it in your mouth. the deep pinkish purplish head on your tongue. most of all, you imagine it curved inside, pushing a sweet orgasm out of you.
of course, this big idiot didnโt know what he had on him. part of you wants to lie, never let him know how good he has it so he doesnโt go around sharing his goods. but you need to, itโs written all over your face.
โyou must be joking, katsuki,โ you hum, delighted. you run your finger down his shaft.
his hips jolt, eyes lazing slightly from your attention. heโs so hard itโs getting painful.
โwhat? what? spit it out.โ
โyou need to fuck me. doesnโt have to be now but someday. you have to.โ you whine, โyou donโt get it at all.โ
โwhat? itโs not a problem? this okay with you?โ he stutters, unable to keep a steady head as you sink down the bed to rest your chest on his legs. now youโve got your face right in front of his dick, as if youโre measuring the curve by degrees.
you want to lick him.
โyouโve got a pornstar dick. a dick they base dildos off of,โ you breathe. the look in your eye is wild, untamed. โyouโd feel amazing. even if you donโt know how to use it. you need let me bounce on it.โ
bakugou blinks down at you. he doesnโt quite believe what heโs hearing, fuck, he doesnโt know what to do about you. not one bit did he think youโd even have this reaction.
โw-whatโฆ i know how to use my own dick.โ is all he can manage but you shake your head.
you flick your eyes up to him, โweโre gonna learn together, okay? can iโฆ can iโฆโ you flatten your tongue against his shaft and give him one lick up.
bakugouโs sure heโs about to come any second now.
โy-yes but be fuckinโ careful. i donโt wanna nut on your face.โ
chapter nine || Wildflowers & Witnesses - R. Sukuna
ryomen sukuna x f!reader
โYou grew up behind locked doorsโkept โsafeโ until safety started to look like a cage.
One night, something inside you snapped, and the world answered with sirens, courtrooms, and an iron-lit ward that promised treatment but fed on fear. Thatโs where you met him.
Sukunaโanother monster on paper, another lifer with a smile that didnโt reach his eyes. He watched you like he recognized the shape of your loneliness. Like heโd been waiting. And when the ward turned bloody, when the gates cracked open for a moment too long, he took your hand and didnโt let go.
Now living in the aftermathโmoving country to country, carrying secrets like loaded guns.
Because what escaped with them wasnโt just love.
It was something darker.โ
Two weeks passed the way a wound scabbed overโslow, careful, tender to the touch.
You didnโt leave.
And Sukuna, for once, did what he said he would.
The next morning after that fightโafter his knees on the floor, after his tears soaking your sweaterโhe took the doorbell camera down with his own hands. No dramatic speech. No excuses. Just a ladder, a screwdriver, and the quiet acceptance that you had seen him clearly, and that if he wanted to keep you, he had to change more than his tone.
He left the pamphlet on the table, not thrown this timeโplaced. He slid cash beside it, neat bills like an offering, and told you, voice rough but steady, โIf Iโm at work, you take a taxi. You donโt wait for me. You donโt ask permission.โ
Your fingers trembled when you picked the pamphlet up.
You still kept your location on.
He kept his on too.
Two pins on a mapโtwo heartbeats trying to learn the shape of trust.
The next day, he went to a doctor.
He came home from the pharmacy with a white bag and a bottle that rattled when he set it down. You watched him open it. You watched the pill in his palm. You watched his throat work as he swallowed it.
He took it like it was a vow.
Like it was a rope tossed across a gap heโd nearly pushed you into.
And when you told him you wanted your medication tooโquietly, carefully, as if asking for help was still something you feared he might punishโhe didnโt argue.
He took you to Dr. Lin.ย
He sat in the chair, stiff, jaw tight, but he stayed quiet while you spoke. While you admitted, cheeks hot, that you didnโt want your mind to get sharp again. That you wanted stability. That you wanted to be a mother without the world inside your skull turning violent or loud.
Dr. Lin nodded, kind and clinical and steady.
And SukunaโSukuna listened.
Two weeks in, you noticed the changes the way you noticed sunlight returning after a long winter.
He was softer.
Not gentle in the way your mother was gentleโnot naturally warm, not easyโbut softer like something had stopped scraping against his bones.
He snapped less.
His gaze didnโt feel as sharp.
His hands held you with less urgency, less hunger for control.
Still, his anxiety didnโt vanish.
It lived in the small things.
The way his eyes flicked toward the bedroom when he first walked in, searching.
The way his shoulders stayed tight until he saw youโuntil he saw you still there.
Then, every time, like clockwork: a loosening. A breath released. A quiet exhale that sounded like relief he didnโt want to admit.
And youโฆ you kept space.
Not as punishment.
As caution.
You spoke in small pieces.
โHow was work?โ
โAre you hungry?โ
โDo you want tea?โ
Sometimes you laughed softly at something the television did. Sometimes he watched your mouth when you smiled like he was learning the shape of happiness again.
But there was distance.
A quietness between you that wasnโt peace so much as aftermath.
Today, two weeks later, he came home earlier than usual.
You were on the couch with your legs tucked under you, a blanket over your lap, palm resting on your belly the way it always drifted there nowโunthinking, protective, tender.
The front door clicked.
You looked up.
Sukuna stood in the doorway holding flowers.
An assortmentโwildflower-looking, imperfect, beautiful in a way that didnโt feel purchased for show. Like heโd picked them with his eyes instead of his pride. Soft purples and pale whites and small yellow blooms that looked like they had no business surviving, but did anyway.
Your breath caught.
He walked toward you slowly, like he didnโt want to startle something.
Like he didnโt want you to flinch.
โI saw them outside a shop,โ he said, voice low. Awkward. Honest. โTheyโฆ looked better than the stupid roses.โ
You smiled gently, warmth blooming in your chest. โTheyโre beautiful.โ
Sukunaโs eyes flicked over your face like he was searching for proof you meant it.
You leaned upโcareful with your belly, careful with your soreness that still came and wentโand he leaned down so you didnโt have to stretch. His lips brushed yours in a soft, quick kiss that didnโt demand anything. Just contact. Just a quiet Iโm here.
โThank you,โ you whispered.
His throat bobbed. โYeah.โ
You took the flowers to the sink, found the vase, rinsed it out, filled it with water. Your hands moved gently, almost reverently, arranging them until they looked like they belonged in your home.
When you set them on the table, the room changed a littleโlike color had returned to a place that had been washed out by fear.
You turned back to him.
Sukuna stood behind you, hands in his pockets, posture too rigid, like heโd come home carrying something heavier than flowers.
You swallowed.
And then you said, softly, โCan we sit down and talk? Aboutโฆ two weeks ago.โ
Sukuna didnโt answer immediately.
His jaw tightened once. His eyes flicked away like he wanted to pretend the memory didnโt exist, like if he didnโt look at it, it wouldnโt look back.
Then he nodded.
A small movement.
But real.
You both sat on the couchโspace between you at first, the cushion holding its own breath. Sukunaโs hands rested on his thighs, fingers flexing once, then stilling. He looked straight ahead, not at you.
You watched him a moment.
Then you spoke carefully, like you were handling glass.
โI didnโt bring it up because I wanted to punish you,โ you said quietly. โI brought it up becauseโฆ I donโt want us to pretend it didnโt happen.โ
Sukunaโs eyes shut for a second.
A breath in.
A breath out.
โI know,โ he muttered.
You nodded slowly. โI was scared.โ Your voice trembled, but you kept it steady. โI still get scared sometimes. Not because I want to be. My body justโฆ remembers.โ
His fingers curled slightly into the fabric of his pants.
โI donโt want you scared of me,โ he said, voice rough. โI know,โ you whispered. โAndโฆ I see you trying. I see you taking your medicine. I see you letting me have air. I see you taking the camera down. I see you giving me the pamphlet and the cash and telling me to go if I want to go.โ
Sukuna finally turned his head enough to look at you.
His eyes were tired.
Not sleepyโtired like a man whoโd been fighting himself every day.
You continued, gentle but clear. โIโm not leaving you,โ you said. โI donโt want to.โ
His breath caught.
You reached over slowlyโgiving him time, watching his face for any sign he couldnโt handle touchโand rested your hand on his knee.
โI meant what I said two weeks ago,โ you murmured. โI donโt want to be a prisoner. And I wonโt be. Not again. Not ever.โ
Sukuna swallowed hard, gaze flicking down to your hand like it was something fragile and holy.
โAnd if that ever starts to happen again,โ you said softly, โI will leave. Not because I donโt love you. But because I have to protect myself. And the baby.โ
His shoulders tensed at the word leaveโlike his nervous system still panicked at itโbut you held steady, thumb rubbing gently over his knee.
Then you offered him what heโd been starving forโnot control, not surrender, but reassurance with boundaries.
โBut as long as you keep your promise,โ you whispered, eyes shining, โI wonโt leave.โ Sukunaโs throat worked. โMy promise,โ he repeated, like he needed to hear it out loud.
You nodded. โTaking your medication. Working on yourself. Letting me be a person. Letting me have choices. Letting meโฆ breathe.โ
His jaw clenched, and for a second you thought anger might riseโbut it didnโt. Instead, his face tightened with something that looked like shame.
โI didnโt know how,โ he admitted, voice low. โI didnโtโโ He stopped, nostrils flaring as he fought for words he wasnโt used to needing. โWhen youโre not where I can see you, my headโโ His fingers twitched. โIt goes loud.โ
You watched him, heart aching.
โI know,โ you whispered.
Sukuna looked at you thenโreally lookedโeyes dark and wet at the edges without spilling.
โI donโt want to be like that,โ he said, voice hoarse. โI donโt want toโฆ ruin this.โ You nodded, tears gathering again but softer now, not sharp.
โYou wonโt ruin it,โ you whispered. โNot if you keep choosing to do better.โ
Sukunaโs shoulders shook once, barely. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, head dropping like the weight of himself was exhausting.
Your hand slid up to his forearm.
โYouโre not a monster for being sick,โ you said gently. โBut you are responsible for what you do when youโre sick.โ
He flinched at the truth, but he didnโt deny it.
You leaned closer, voice quieter, almost intimate.
โIโm staying,โ you murmured. โIโm here. I love you. I love you even when youโre scared. But you have to love me in a way that doesnโt hurt me.โ
Sukuna turned his head, eyes locking on yours, and something in his face softenedโsomething raw and sincere.
โI do,โ he whispered. โI do love you.โ You nodded, lips trembling into a small smile. โThen keep your promise,โ you said.
He reached for your hand slowly, like he was asking permission, and when your fingers didnโt pull away, he laced them with his.
โOkay,โ he said, voice quiet. โI will.โ
You squeezed his hand once.
Not as obedience.
As agreement.
As a small, brave start.
The next day felt like stepping outside without armor.
Not because the air was colder, not because the street was unfamiliarโbecause you were alone.
Not alone in the world, not truly, but alone in the way that mattered: no Sukuna at your side, no heavy hand guiding you, no shadow leaning over your shoulder.
Just you.
A taxi idled at the curb, and you climbed in carefully, one hand drifting to your belly as if you could remind yourselfโyouโre not just you anymore.
You gave the driver the address from the pamphlet, voice soft and polite, and watched the city slide past the window in a blur of storefronts and scooters and morning light.
Your phone sat warm in your pocket.
Location on.
A pin on a map.
A tether you couldnโt quite call a leash anymore, but still felt around your ankle when you walked too far.
When you arrived, the building was modestโclean, bright, the kind of place that smelled like lavender hand soap and paper. The room for the prenatal group was upstairs. The door was open, and soft laughter drifted out like an invitation.
You hovered in the doorway for a second.
Your palms were damp.
Your heart thudded hard in your ribs.
You can do this, you told yourself.
And then you stepped inside.
There were a few women, all rounded in the same tender way, all glowing with that strange mix of exhaustion and excitement. Most looked around your ageโmid-twenties, maybe early thirties at most. They sat on yoga mats and chairs, some cross-legged, some rubbing their backs, some sipping water from big bottles.
A woman at the frontโwarm smile, hair clipped backโlooked up and brightened. โYou must be new! Come in, come in.โ Your cheeks warmed. โHi,โ you said, voice small. โIโmโฆ Iโm Y/n.โ
A chorus of greetings met you immediately, gentle and welcoming.
โIโm Mei,โ said one, scooting over to make room. โIโm Nari,โ another offered, waving with two fingers. โJia,โ said a woman with a rounder belly who looked like she was further along, grinning. โDonโt be scared. Weโre all a mess.โ
They laughed, and the sound loosened something in your chest.
You smiledโtimid, but realโand sat where they made space for you. Your hands fidgeted in your lap until the instructor handed you a booklet and said softly, โYouโre safe here.โ
Safe.
The word hit different when it wasnโt a command.
The class started gentlyโbreathing, stretching, discussion about aches and cravings and how the body changed like it was building a new universe. The instructor asked each of you to share a little: how far along, how you were feeling, what you were struggling with.
When it was your turn, your throat tightened.
โIโm eighteen weeks,โ you said softly. โAndโฆ Iโm nervous a lot.โ Mei nodded immediately, like youโd spoken a language she knew. โSame. I cry when my toast burns.โ
The group chuckled.
You blinked, surprised by how quickly the room made you feel human.
Nari leaned closer. โWhat are you craving? Everyoneโs craving something.โ You hesitated. โIce cream,โ you admitted. โAndโฆ salty noodles.โ Jia grinned. โOh, youโre one of us.โ
Someone elseโAsha, with short hair and bright eyesโlaughed. โI ate pickles with honey last week and my husband just stared at me like I was a different species.โ
โMine too,โ Mei groaned. โHe offered to Google whether I was okay.โ
The room erupted into soft laughter.
You found yourself laughing tooโquiet at first, like your voice didnโt remember how to take up space, then a little louder when someone made a joke about pregnancy brain and forgetting why you walked into a room.
As the class went on, the conversation became warmer, more personal. They talked about fear of labor, their moms, their partners, their worries about changing relationships.
Asha tilted her head, studying you kindly. โDo you have a partner?โ You swallowed. You felt your cheeks warm. โYes,โ you said. โMy husband.โ The word tasted strange and comforting at the same timeโlike a lie that also felt like protection. โOh!โ Nariโs eyes lit up. โWhatโs he like?โ Your fingers twisted together. You could feel the habitual instinct to keep your life private. To keep Sukuna private.
But you were here for air.
For friendships.
For something that belonged to you.
โHeโsโฆโ You hesitated. Then, quietly, you said, โHeโs protective.โ Asha smirked. โThatโs code for โintense.โโ
The room giggled.
You couldnโt help itโyou smiled shyly. โYes.โMei leaned forward. โShow us!โ Your eyes widened. โShowโ?โ
โA picture,โ Jia said. โCome on, weโre pregnant, not saints.โ
Your hands shook slightly as you pulled out your phone. You scrolled past your grocery list, past a photo of the wildflowers in their vase, past a blurry picture of your belly taken too early in the morning when you couldnโt stop staring at it.
Then you found it.
The mirror photo.
Your bare belly, round and soft, your face half-hidden by the phoneโSukuna behind you, taller than you, his head bent down, lips pressed to your skin like he was praying over the life inside you. His hand spread wide over your stomach, possessive but gentle in the captured moment.
You held the screen out.
The reaction was immediate.
Ashaโs eyes went huge. โOh my God.โ Mei made a sound that was half laugh, half gasp. โYour husband isโโ Nari slapped a hand over her mouth, blushing. โHeโsโฆ hot.โ Jia leaned closer, squinting. โThatโs not a husband, thatโs a sin.โ You felt heat climb up your neck so fast you thought you might melt into the mat. โStop,โ you whispered, laughing softly, embarrassed.
Asha fanned herself dramatically. โYouโre telling me that man kissed your belly like that and then went to work?โ You nodded, cheeks burning. โThatโs not fair,โ Mei groaned. โMine kisses my forehead and then asks if we have enough paper towels.โ
โMine too!โ Nari laughed. โHeโs an engineer. He can build a bridge but canโt open a jar.โ
They started pulling out their phones, showing pictures like a playful paradeโmen with kind eyes and soft bellies, men in polos and button-ups, men holding coffee mugs that said #1 Dad even though the baby wasnโt here yet. Suburban smiles. Practical shoes. The kind of men who already told dad jokes without realizing it.
They were right.
They looked like fathers-in-training.
Normal.
Safe.
You nodded along, smiling gently at each photo, praising their husbands the way you always praised peopleโsweetly, sincerely.
โHe looks kind,โ you said about one. โHe looks like heโd make a good dad,โ you said about another.
And you meant it.
Then Asha elbowed you lightly. โShow another one. I know you have more.โ
Your stomach fluttered with nerves, but you scrolled and found the second picture.
Sukuna in the kitchen.
Shirtless.
Buff.
Forearms taut as he stirred something in a pan, jaw set in concentration. Tattoos visible where the light hit him. He looked like he belonged in a movie, the kind where the danger was part of the seduction.
You held the phone out again.
The room nearly combusted.
Mei actually squealed, then clapped a hand over her mouth. โOh my Godโโ Nariโs face went scarlet. โThatโs your husband?โ Jia laughed so hard she snorted. โGirl. You are blessed.โ
Asha stared at the screen like she was witnessing a religious event. โYour husband looks like a sexy boxer,โ she said, dead serious. Then she glanced up at you with a grin. โOr an ex-convict that Iโd go on the run for.โ
The words hit you like a spark in dry grass.
You froze for half a second.
Because your mindโyour real mind, the one that carried truth like a bruiseโimmediately flashed the image:
Sukuna in the ward.
The gun.
The blood.
The way heโd walked out like rules were made of paper.
Ex-convict.
On the run.
Your cheeks burned hotterโnot just from embarrassment, but from the strange, private irony of it. The fact that their joke was so close to the truth it almost hurt.
You laughed anywayโsoft and breathy, a little too high. โDonโt say that,โ you murmured, trying to sound playful. Asha grinned wider. โIโm just saying. If he told me to pack a bag, Iโd be gone in ten minutes.โ Mei sighed dramatically. โMy husband would ask where weโre going and whether the car has enough gas.โ
The group erupted into laughter again.
And you laughed with themโgenuine, warm, a sound you hadnโt heard from yourself in too long.
But beneath it, under the lightness, something quietly pulsed:
The sweet ache of being seen as normal.
The strange safety of a room where no one knew the truth of your lifeโno wards, no trials, no blood, no locked doors.
Just you, a first-time mom among first-time moms, blushing over pictures like your world hadnโt once been built out of cages.
When the class ended, they gathered their bags and water bottles, chattering like birds.
Asha slung her tote over her shoulder and looked at you. โWeโre going to lunch,โ she said. โCome with us.โ You blinked. โLunch?โ
Mei nodded eagerly. โThereโs a little place down the streetโnothing fancy, just noodles and dumplings. Itโs like our thing now.โ
Nari smiled warmly. โYou should come. Itโll be fun.โ Your hands tightened around your phone.
Your instinct was to say no.
To go home.
To keep your world small, so Sukuna didnโt have to feel it expand.
But you remembered the pamphlet. The cash. The promise. The wildflowers.
And you remembered your own words:
I wonโt be a prisoner anymore.
You swallowed.
Then you nodded, shy but brave.
โOkay,โ you whispered, and your smile returned, small and bright. โIโd like that.โ And as you walked out with themโinto sunlight, into chatter, into the simple miracle of being includedโyou felt something inside you loosen.
Not the location pin.
Not the fear entirely.
But the belief that you were allowed to have a life.
Even if it started with dumplings and laughter and strangers who didnโt know they were holding a runaway girl gently in their hands.
The little restaurant was tucked between a laundromat and a dim corner shop, its windows fogged from steam and warmth. Inside, the air smelled like broth and scallions and chili oilโcomforting in a way that made your shoulders finally drop.
You slid into the booth with the other women, hands folding neatly in your lap while you tried to remember how to exist in a group without shrinking.
Asha nudged a menu toward you. โOkay, first ruleโget dumplings. Second ruleโif you cry, we pretend itโs the soup.โ Mei laughed. โNo, if you cry, we cry. Itโs a package deal.โ You smiled softly, eyes flicking down the menu, pretending you werenโt a little dazzled by how easy they were with you. How they spoke to you like you belonged here.
Then your phone buzzed in your pocket.
You didnโt even have to look to know.
Your stomach flutteredโequal parts fondness and nervesโas you pulled it out and saw his name.
Sukuna.
You answered quickly, keeping your voice gentle. โHi.โ His voice came through low and immediate, like heโd been holding his breath. โWhere are you.โ
Not a question.
Not quite an accusation.
A check. A pulse. An anchor.
You glanced at the womenโAsha already smirking, like she could hear his tone through the screenโand you smiled anyway, softer, warmer.
โIโm okay,โ you said. โThe other pregnant ladies wanted to go to lunch after class. I decided to join. Iโll be home after.โ There was a pause on the line, the kind where you could hear his thoughts grindingโhabit and worry, control and promise wrestling in his throat.
Then his voice eased, just slightly. โIโm about to get off. Iโll pick you up. Donโt spend money on a taxi.โ You blinked, surprised by how normal it sounded. Like a husband. Like a partner. Like a life. โOkay,โ you murmured.
Another pause.
Then, quieterโrougher, like it cost him somethingโโI love you.โ You held the phone a little tighter. For half a second, you frozeโnot because you didnโt feel it, but because the word still carried weight, still felt like a door that could lock behind you if you werenโt careful.
But you also remembered wildflowers.
You remembered medication bottles on the counter.
You remembered him kneeling, sobbing like a child who didnโt want to be left.
You smiled gently, voice soft as a blanket. โI love you too.โ The exhale on the other end sounded like relief. โText me when youโre done,โ he said, and the call ended.
You set your phone down on the table, face warm.
Asha leaned forward immediately, eyes gleaming. โOh, heโs protective protective.โ You laughed quietly, embarrassed. โHe justโฆ worries.โ Mei grinned. โMine worries too, but mostly about whether the baby can hear him burp.โ Nari giggled, sipping her water. โSoโyour husband. Whatโs his name?โ
โSukuna,โ you said, almost shyly.
Asha made a sound like she approved of the syllables. โThatโs a hot name.โ Your cheeks burned. โStop.โ
โNo,โ Jia said, wagging a finger like an auntie. โLet her have it. If sheโs carrying a baby and married to a man who looks like that, she deserves to blush.โ
The server came by, and the table became a flurry of gentle chaosโeveryone ordering dumplings, noodle bowls, broth, extra pickled vegetables. They asked you what you wanted, and you hesitated like you were afraid of choosing wrong, until Mei leaned close and whispered, โPick what you crave. Thatโs literally the whole point.โ
You ended up ordering soup dumplings and noodles with a broth that smelled like home youโd never had.
While you waited, conversation flowed in bright, ordinary rivers.
They asked how you were feeling, and you admitted you got tired easily. They nodded like they understood. They shared little aches and strange cravings and the weirdness of dreaming in third person. They laughed about baby names and argued over whether strollers were worth the money.
At one point, Asha leaned back and said, โOkay, we need your number. We have a mom chat.โ You blinked. โAโฆ chat?โ
โGroup chat,โ Mei clarified, already pulling out her phone. โWe send each other appointment reminders, cravings, memes, and emotional breakdowns.โ Nari smiled warmly. โMostly memes.โ
You swallowed, something tender tightening in your throat, and you gave them your number with hands that trembled just slightly.
They added you immediatelyโyour phone chiming with new notifications like little taps on the shoulder.
Mom Chat ๐
Asha: NEW FRIEND ALERT
Mei: WELCOME Y/N!!!
Nari: weโre getting dumplings again next week
Jia: your husband still single? asking for science
You laughedโsoft and realโand when you looked up, the women were smiling at you like they liked seeing you smile.
Food arrived in steaming bowls and baskets. The first bite of soup dumpling made you close your eyes, a quiet sound leaving you like a prayer.
Asha pointed her chopsticks at you. โOh sheโs happy. Look at her. Sheโs in love with dumplings.โ You nodded shyly, cheeks full. โI am.โ
They laughed, and you laughed too, and for a moment you forgot the feeling of walls.
Then, as you were halfway through your noodles, your phone buzzed again.
A text.
Sukuna: Outside.
Your stomach flipped.
You wiped your mouth carefully, heart thuddingโnot with fear, exactly, but with the awareness of him entering your new little pocket of freedom.
โI think my husband is here,โ you said softly.
Ashaโs eyes lit up like sheโd been waiting. โBring him in. I want to see if heโs real.โ You stood slowly, one hand instinctively going to your belly.
Before you could even slide out of the booth fully, the door opened.
Sukuna walked in like he owned the air.
Tallโtoo tall for the doorway. Broad shoulders. Black shirt clinging to muscle. Pink buzzed hair catching the warm restaurant light. Crimson eyes sweeping the room with that sharpness that always made you feel seen and watched at the same time.
But when his gaze found youโ
It softened.
Not completely.
Sukuna didnโt soften completely.
But it eased, the way a fist eased when it realized it wasnโt about to lose what it was holding. He walked straight to you, ignoring curious glances, ignoring the way the women at the booth suddenly went very still. He didnโt touch you immediatelyโlike heโd learned that sometimes touch should be asked for, not taken.
Instead, he tipped his head down toward you, voice low. โYou okay?โ You nodded. โYes.โ He hummed, satisfied, and then his hand hovered at your lower backโnot pushing, just there, present.
You turned to the table, cheeks warm. โThis isโฆ Sukuna. My husband.โ The word made something in him flickerโpride, possession, something tender heโd never admit.
He gave them a short nod that wasnโt quite polite but wasnโt rude either. โHi.โ Asha looked like sheโd been struck by lightning. Meiโs mouth fell open for a second. Nari blushed so hard you thought she might evaporate. Jia stared openly, no shame at all.
โHello,โ Mei managed, voice suddenly too high.
Sukunaโs eyes flicked over their faces, unimpressed, then back to youโalways back to you.
He reached down, fingers brushing your hand. โYou ready?โ You nodded again. Asha cleared her throat, trying to sound casual and failing. โWe were justโuhโadding her to the mom chat.โ Sukuna blinked once. โGood.โ Then, after a beat, gruffly: โKeep her busy.โ
The way he said it wasnโt controlling.
It wasโฆ reluctant approval.
Like letting you have friends was a new skill he was learning with clenched teeth.
The server came by with the check, and Sukuna didnโt even look at it. He took it calmly, as if it belonged to him, and stood.
โIโve got it,โ he said.
Ashaโs eyes widened. โOh no, you donโtโโ
โYes,โ Sukuna said, flat.
Mei stammered, โWe can splitโโ Sukuna gave a small, humorless huff. โNo.โ You reached for his arm softly. โSukunaโโ He glanced down at you, and his expression softened again, just for you. โItโs fine.โ
He paid for everything. All of it. No debate.
When he came back, you were already shifting carefully to stand, but your knees felt wobblyโpregnancy, exhaustion, the long morning, the emotional weight of being around people.
Sukuna noticed immediately.
He stepped close, hand settling at your waist with a firm gentleness, helping you rise like you were precious and not fragile.
You steadied yourself against him.
He leaned down and kissed your templeโslow, familiar, grounding. โGood?โ he murmured, only for you.
You nodded, and the soft smile you gave him felt like sunlight.
Behind you, the women looked like theyโd just watched something indecently intimate in public.
Ashaโs hand flew to her chest. โOh my God.โ Mei whispered, โThat wasโฆ unfair.โ Jia fanned herself again. โIโm pregnant and still jealous.โ You laughed under your breath, cheeks burning, and Sukunaโs mouth twitchedโalmost a smile, brief and private. He guided you toward the door, palm warm at your back, and as you stepped outside, the air hit your face cool and clean.
Your phone buzzed againโnew messages from the mom chat already popping in like fireflies.
And for the first time in a long time, you felt something you didnโt recognize at first.
Not fear.
Not control.
Not even the sharp edge of hope.
Justโฆ a small, steady sense of life unfoldingโmessy and realโwhile Sukuna stood beside you like a shadow that had learned how to be gentle in daylight.
The apartment was quiet when you stepped inside. Not the heavy quiet that came before stormsโjust the ordinary hush of a space waiting to be filled. Sukuna locked the door behind you with a soft click, and you slipped your shoes off carefully, one hand drifting to the wall for balance.
Your belly had grown enough now that bending felt different. Deliberate. Like your body was reminding you constantly: You're carrying something precious. Move carefully. You straightened and turnedโ
And found Sukuna standing in the middle of the living room, hands flexing at his sides.
He wasn't looking at you.
Not directly.
His gaze was somewhere lowerโfixed, unblinkingโand his chest rose and fell too fast, like he'd been running even though you'd only walked from the car.
Your stomach fluttered.
"Sukuna?" you said softly.
His eyes snapped up to yours, and the look in them made your breath catch.
Not anger.
Not control.
Something rawer.
Hungrier.
He swallowed hard, throat working visibly, and his hands curled into fists before releasing againโslow, deliberate, like he was trying to keep them from reaching for you without permission.
"I'm fine," he said, voice rough.
But he wasn't.
You could see it in the way his shoulders stayed tight. In the way his jaw clenched. In the way he shifted his weight from one foot to the other like standing still was unbearable.
He started pacing.
Three steps toward the kitchen. Stop. Turn. Three steps back.
His fingers twitched at his sides.
You watched him, heart thudding softly, and then you asked againโgentler this time, careful.
"Are you alright?" Sukuna stopped mid-step.
His back was to you for a second, shoulders rising with a deep inhale that didn't seem to help. Then he turned, and his eyes locked onto you with an intensity that made your skin prickle.
Not your face.
Your belly.
The soft swell of it beneath your sweater, round and full and undeniable now at nearly twenty weeks. His gaze dragged over you like touchโslow, heavy, possessive in a way that didn't feel like control so much as need.
And then you noticed.
The way his pants fit differently. The visible strain at the front, the hard line of his cock pressing against the fabric, thick and swollen and impossible to ignore.
Your cheeks burned instantly.
Sukuna's throat bobbed again as he swallowed, and his hands flexed once moreโopen, close, openโlike he was fighting himself. "Iโ" His voice cracked slightly. He cleared his throat, tried again. "I haven't touched you."
It wasn't an accusation.
It was an admission.
A confession that sounded like it had been clawing at him for two weeks.
You stood very still, pulse fluttering in your throat. "No," you whispered. "You haven't." His jaw clenched. "I didn't want toโ" He stopped, exhaling sharply through his nose. "I didn't want you to think I wasโฆ taking." The word hung in the air between you.
Taking.
Like he'd finally learned the difference. Your heart ached and warmed at the same time, a strange, contradictory pull that made your chest tight. "I know," you said softly.
Sukuna's eyes flicked back to your belly, and something in his expression shiftedโdarkened, softened, became almost reverent.
"You'reโฆ" He trailed off, then tried again, voice lower. "You're carrying my child." The way he said itโrough, possessive, awedโmade heat coil low in your stomach.
You nodded slowly. "Yes." His hands twitched again. "I wantโ" He stopped himself, jaw working. Then, quieter, almost shy in a way you'd never heard from him: "Can I touch you?"
Your breath hitched.
He was asking.
Not demanding. Not assuming.
Asking.
You looked at himโreally lookedโand saw the tension in every line of his body. The way he held himself back like it was killing him. The way his cock strained visibly against his pants, the way his breathing stayed uneven, the way his eyes kept dropping to your belly like it was the only thing in the world that mattered.
And beneath your own caution, beneath the careful walls you'd built to protect yourself, you felt it:
Want.
You wanted him too.ย
You wanted his hands on you.ย
You wanted to feel close to him again.ย
You wanted to remember what it felt like when his touch was gentle instead of desperate.
So you nodded.
Slowly.
Carefully.
"Yes," you whispered.
Sukuna moved immediatelyโbut not fast.
Not the way he used to, all urgency and hunger that didn't wait for you to catch up. He crossed the space between you in three measured steps, and when he reached you, his hands hovered firstโjust above your hips, waiting, like he needed one more confirmation.
You didn't pull away.
His palms settled on your waist, warm and broad, and the touch sent a shiver through you that had nothing to do with cold. He exhaledโshaky, relievedโand his thumbs brushed over the fabric of your sweater, tracing the curve of your belly with something close to worship.
"Fuck," he breathed. "You're soโฆ"
He didn't finish.
He just leaned down slowly, carefully, and pressed his forehead to yours. His breath was warm against your lips. His hands stayed gentle, holding you like you were something fragile and holy at the same time.
"Tell me if you want me to stop," he murmured.
You nodded, throat tight.
"I will," you whispered.
His eyes searched yours for a long momentโlooking for fear, for hesitation, for any sign that you were only saying yes because you thought you had to.
But you weren't.
You were saying yes because you wanted this.
Because you wanted him, even though wanting him was complicated and messy and sometimes felt like standing too close to a fire.
Sukuna's mouth brushed yoursโsoft, testing, like he was relearning the shape of you. You kissed him back, slow and careful, and his hands tightened slightly on your waist before loosening again, like he was reminding himself to be gentle.
When he pulled back, his eyes were darker, pupils blown wide, and his voice came out rough and low.
"Bedroom?" You nodded.
He took your handโnot pulling, just holdingโand led you down the hall.
The bedroom smelled like clean sheets and the faint trace of his cologne. Sukuna closed the door behind you, and the soft click of the latch made your pulse jumpโnot with fear, but with anticipation.
He turned to face you, and for a second he just stood there, hands at his sides, watching you like he didn't know where to start.
Like he was afraid of doing it wrong.
You reached for the hem of your sweater slowly, fingers trembling slightly, and his eyes tracked the movement immediately. "Can I?" he asked, voice rough.
You nodded.
He stepped closer and took over, hands sliding under the fabric, lifting it carefully over your belly, over your breasts, over your head. He set it aside like it mattered, like everything about you mattered, and then his gaze dropped.
Your body had changed.
Your breasts were fuller, heavier, sensitive in a way they hadn't been before. Your belly was round and soft, the skin stretched taut over the life growing inside you. You felt exposedโnot in a bad way, but in a way that made you hyperaware of every inch of yourself.
Sukuna's throat worked as he swallowed.
"Fuck," he breathed again, and the word sounded like prayer.
His hands hovered over your belly, and you took them gently, guiding them down until his palms pressed flat against your skin.
Warm.
Rough.
Reverent.
He exhaled shakily, thumbs brushing over the curve of you, and then he dropped to his knees.
Your breath caught.
Sukuna knelt in front of you, eye-level with your belly, and his hands stayed on your hipsโsteady, grounding.
Then he leaned forward and pressed his lips to your skin.
Soft.
Slow.
A kiss that felt like worship.
"Mine," he murmured against you, voice muffled and rough. "Both of you." Your fingers slid into his hair, and he made a low sound in his throatโsomething between a groan and a sigh. His mouth moved lower, trailing kisses down the swell of your belly, and his hands slid to the waistband of your leggings.
He paused.
Looked up at you.
"Can I take these off?" You nodded, cheeks burning. "Yes."
He peeled them down carefully, taking your underwear with them, and helped you step out of them one leg at a time. Then his hands were back on your hips, and he was staring at you like you were the only thing in the world worth looking at.
"Sit on the bed," he said softly.
You did, sinking down onto the edge of the mattress, and Sukuna stayed on his knees in front of you. His hands slid up your thighsโslow, deliberateโand he pressed them apart gently.
Your breath hitched.
"Tell me if it's too much," he murmured, eyes flicking up to yours.
You nodded, heart pounding.
And then his mouth was on you.
Soft.
Warm.
Gentle.
His tongue dragged over you in one slow, deliberate stroke, and your hips jerked involuntarily, a gasp spilling from your lips. Sukuna groaned against you, the sound vibrating through your core, and his hands tightened on your thighsโnot hard, just enough to keep you steady. He worked you slowly, carefully, like he was savoring every taste, every sound you made. His tongue circled your clit in soft, teasing strokes, and when you whimpered, he did it againโfirmer this time, more deliberate.
"Sukunaโ"
"Tell me what feels good," he murmured against you, breath hot and damp. "Thatโ" Your voice broke. "That feels good." He hummed in approval and kept going, tongue flicking over you in steady, rhythmic strokes that made your thighs tremble. Your fingers tightened in his hair, and he groaned again, the sound rough and desperate.
"Fuck, you taste so good," he muttered, pulling back just enough to speak before diving back in, mouth sealing over your clit and sucking gently.
You cried out, hips bucking, and his hands slid up to hold your bellyโsteadying you, grounding you, reminding you that he had you. The pleasure built slowly, a warm, heavy coil low in your stomach that tightened with every stroke of his tongue. Your breathing came faster, shallower, and your thighs started to shake.
"SukunaโI'mโ"
"Let go," he murmured against you. "I've got you."
And you did.
The orgasm rolled through you in slow, shuddering waves, your body clenching and releasing as you gasped his name. Sukuna didn't stopโdidn't pull awayโjust kept his mouth on you, tongue working you through it until you were trembling and oversensitive and pulling at his hair weakly.
He pulled back then, lips wet and swollen, and looked up at you with dark, hungry eyes.
"Good?" he asked, voice rough.
You nodded, breathless. "Yes."
He rose slowly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and then he was leaning over you, one hand braced beside your hip, the other cupping your face.
"I want to be inside you," he murmured, thumb brushing over your cheek. "But only if you want it." Your heart thudded hard. You looked up at himโat the tension in his jaw, the restraint in every line of his body, the way he was waiting for you to decide.
And you realized:
He meant it.
If you said no, he would stop.
He would walk away.
He would let you have the choice.
So you nodded, voice soft but sure. "I want it." Sukuna's eyes fluttered shut for a second, relief and hunger warring on his face. Then he straightened, hands going to his belt.
He undressed quicklyโshirt pulled over his head, pants shoved down and kicked asideโand then he was bare in front of you, cock thick and hard and flushed dark at the tip.
He climbed onto the bed carefully, settling between your thighs, and his hands slid under your knees, lifting them gently.
"Tell me if it hurts," he murmured, eyes locked on yours.
You nodded.
He lined himself up, the head of his cock pressing against you, and then he pushed inโslow, careful, giving you time to adjust.
You gasped at the stretch, at the fullness, and Sukuna froze immediately.
"Okay?" he asked, voice strained. "Yes," you breathed. "Keep going." He did, sinking into you inch by inch until he was fully seated, and then he stopped, forehead dropping to yours, breathing hard. "Fuck," he groaned. "You feel so good."
You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer, and he started to moveโslow, deep thrusts that made you gasp and cling to him.
His hands stayed gentle, one braced beside your head, the other sliding down to cradle your belly as he moved.
"You're so fucking beautiful," he muttered, voice rough and awed. "Carrying my baby. Mine."
The possessiveness in his voice should have scared you.
But it didn't.
It made you feel wanted.
Cherished.
His.
You moaned softly, hips rolling to meet his thrusts, and Sukuna groaned, pace quickening slightly. "Is this okay?" he asked, breathless. "Am I hurting you?"
"No," you gasped. "It's good. Don't stop." He didn't.
He kept moving, kept filling you, kept murmuring praise and possession against your skin until you were trembling beneath him, pleasure building again in slow, inevitable waves. When you came the second time, it was quieterโsofterโa gentle unraveling that left you breathless and clinging to him.
Sukuna followed moments later, groaning your name as he spilled inside you, hips stuttering, hands tightening on your body before loosening again. He collapsed beside you carefully, pulling you into his arms, and for a long moment neither of you spoke.
Just breathed.
Just held each other.
His hand settled on your belly, fingers splayed wide, and you covered it with yours.
"I love you," he murmured, voice rough and quiet.
You turned your head, pressing a kiss to his jaw.
"I love you too."
And for the first time in two weeks, the space between you felt less like a gap and more like a bridge.
โEww donโt ship them ! Theyโre just friends/ they hate each other/ they barely have any interaction/they never even met/theyโre not from the same series !โ
Pussy. Back in my days, we shipped Elsa and Jack Frost to hell and back because they were both ice themed.
summary: sukuna isn't pleased when he's forced to go to a new masseuse for his monthly sports massage, but upon meeting you he finds himself hopelessly smitten and desperately seeking more of your touch.
word count: 6.2k
content: 18+ mdni, smut, modern au, pining, yearing, sukuna is originally a bit of a jerk, confident reader, boxer!sukuna, reader is muscular, subby (ish) sukuna, piv, hand jobs, semi-public sex (in a massage room)
a/n: got this one in as an anon request I hope you all enjoy sukuna being NEEDY and stupid
Sukuna had been going to Toji for his sports massages for years.ย
Theyโd known each other since college, back when Toji would practice his craft on Sukuna for free on the path to getting his certification. Now Sukuna actually paid the guy to dig his elbow into his back once a month, certain that Tojiโs impact had a lot to do with how effective Sukuna had been at avoiding silly injuries throughout his boxing career.ย
Toji was a rare gem amongst masseuses - strong enough and mean enough to do his job well, unconcerned by how much it might hurt to relieve Sukunaโs body of all the stress heโd put it under week after week.ย
He was the only person Sukuna trusted to do it effectively, and when he walked into Tojiโs gym one day only for the receptionist to tell him that Toji wasnโt available thanks to a family emergency, he was devastated.ย
Part of him had considered cancelling on the spot, turning around and walking straight out the door, prepared to wait for a different time slot when Toji would be available. But his shoulder had been killing him lately and he could really do with some relief, so against his better judgement he sucked it up and agreed to see the other masseuse that worked at Tojiโs gym.ย
Upon walking into the treatment room, he immediately decided that heโd made a mistake at the sight of you standing before him, all soft and pretty and welcoming in a way that Toji never was. You didnโt look like the type to be willing or even capable of inflicting pain upon anyone - he doubted heโd even be able to feel your tiny hands once they were pressed against his back.ย
Call him sexist, but he really believed that men were just better suited for that line of work.ย
Sure, a nice, relaxing massage would be better delivered by a woman, but a sports massage? He doubted you had the strength for what he needed.ย
โSukuna, right?โ Youโd asked, peering up at him with wide eyes. โItโs nice to meet you. Remove your clothes and cover yourself with a towel, Iโll give you a few moments to get settled-โย
โNo need,โ he said sharply. โWhenโs Toji back?โย
You wavered. โWeโre not quite sure. His daughter was in some kind of sudden accident, he might not return for a few weeks, he needs to be there for his family in this difficult timeโฆโ You trailed off before continuing, taking stock of the resignation on Sukunaโs face. โI can assure you that Iโm perfectly capable of attending to your needs. Toji hired me personally and can vouch for my skill.โย
Chewing on his lip, Sukuna appraised you once more. You were a pretty thing, even in the ugly green uniform that Toji had picked for his specialists. His thoughts lingered on what you mightโve meant when you said that Toji could vouch for your skill - did you mean that in a clinical manner, or was Toji using you for different means?ย
Sukuna wouldnโt have been surprised if the latter was the case. You were his type which meant you were probably also Tojiโs type, a thought that had a fresh wave of dread washing over him because if Toji had only hired you because youโd been sleeping with him, Sukuna was in for a rough massage.ย
โHappy? Or are you gonna throw a tantrum?โ You asked, a little impatiently, your hands firm on your hips. He was almost impressed by the bite in your voice, but it still didn't particularly convince him youโd be any good at this.
However, the flex of his arm as he moved a little reminded him just how much he needed this massage, so biting back his pride he nodded, speaking through gritted teeth. โWhatever, sure.โย
You looked far from impressed, but upheld your professional image regardless. โGreat, you get yourself comfortable. Iโll be right back.โย
It took Sukuna all of five minutes to realise that he mightโve underestimated you.ย
Heโd laid down on the table as normal, half expecting to spend his half-hour session asleep, figuring he could at least catch up on that if you were no good at what heโd paid you to do. And to start with, youโd been as gentle as heโd expected, your hands running tenderly over the muscles in his back, no doubt impressed by them.
But that was where your kindness stopped.ย
โYouโre carrying a lot of tension up here.โ You spoke matter of factly, fingers prodding a knot on the upper left side of his back. โIt must be painful to sleep on your side right now.โย
Sukuna grunted in affirmation, uninterested in making conversation or doing anything that might make you feel praised, even if you were technically right in your assumption. You didnโt seem deterred, it was almost like you were expecting him to be difficult, and he wondered if Toji had warned you about him in advance.ย
Walking around the table, you positioned yourself in the optimal place to work at the knot, and Sukuna found himself caught mid eye-roll when your palm dug into his back with much greater force than before, working away at the knot with enough strength that he found his fingers curling.ย
That was how much of the rest of his session went.ย
Heโd been wrong to assume that you were too weak, because youโd worked at each section of his body with more ferocity than Toji usually would, almost like you were trying to teach him a lesson. Any knot found in his back and legs had been thoroughly beaten back into place, scared off by the skilled nature of your fingers.ย
When you were done, allowing him to sit up, a towel still wrapped around his midsection, he felt thoroughly frazzled, his red eyes a little hazy. His back felt better than it ever had before, the ghost of your fingers still prominent against his tanned skin. He had to admit that your touch felt nicer on him than Tojiโs did.
Not that he should be thinking about that.ย
โAll good?โ You asked coolly, as if this was just run of the mill for you. He supposed it probably was. โIf thereโs something Iโve missed let me know and we can go over it again.โย
โUh- n-no.โ He couldโve died of embarrassment at the way he stuttered, emasculated even further by you grinning down at him in amusement. The worst thing was that he couldnโt really decide if he was humiliated or turned on, or maybe both.ย
There was one particular body part of his that seemed to know the answer to that question, and he really hoped that you wouldnโt notice the slightly raised portion of the towel hugging his hips.ย
โGreat, then youโre all good to go. Since you only come by once a month, Toji should be back by your next appoint-โย
โActually I think I need another appointment next week. My shoulderโs been acting up.โ It was almost like an out of body experience, the words leapt from his throat before he could stop them and now you were smirking harder and he hated it and maybe he hated you.ย
โOh, it seemed alright-โย
โWell it's not.โ He snapped, red gaze unwavering. You blinked at him a few times, staring down at him like you were trying to figure him out. It was clear that youโd been fully aware of his animosity towards you when heโd walked in, seemingly both puzzled and amused by his change of heart.ย
โOkay, sure. Iโve got an opening this time next week?โย
โGreat, Iโll be there.โย
Sukuna didnโt like to admit how much he thought about you throughout that week. He especially didnโt like to admit to the sheer number of times heโd awoken with wet boxers, the dream of your touch still prominent in his mind.ย
He wasnโt sure what it was about you that had infected his brain so thoroughly. Sure, you were hot, but so were plenty of women, and Sukuna rarely had them rattling about in his head. It probably had more to do with your physical strength and perhaps your resolve, because even when heโd written you off, youโd shown him exactly what you were worth.
That, and the fact he couldnโt seem to get your condescending smirk out of his mind any less than he could stop feeling the ghost of your touch. He wasnโt used to meeting women who would treat him like that, more accustomed to the type that would fawn at his feet, those who were vapid and boring.ย
And you certainly werenโt that.ย
In the time between appointments, heโd even seen you across the gym when heโd been lifting weights. He imagined that you were there a lot, now that he could see your muscles, unobscured by those stupid clothes Toji made you wear. It wasnโt surprising that heโd never noticed you before, tending to stay in his own little bubble of focus at the gym, but now that he was aware of you he could barely tear his eyes away.ย
You were strong, so strong, doing weighted pull-ups with 20kg attached to you like it weighed nothing. And based on the way that his heart sped up at the sight, beating almost into overdrive as you smiled at him upon noticing his stare, he found that shit immensely attractive.ย
Shit, he really hoped Toji hadnโt been fucking you. That would suck.
Sukuna visited you again, and again you gave him the best massage of his life, driving your elbow into his back with a force that had him seeing stars. His heart fluttered with each simple touch of your hands, mind hazy with need as your fingers worked on his shoulders and he found himself wishing you were working on a different part of him.ย
That was how things continued for weeks, in which Sukuna spent an ungodly amount of money just to have you touch him again, pretending that he had various issues which he certainly didnโt because youโd thoroughly removed all his knots and tensions during his very first visit. But he wasnโt sure what else he could do, addicted to your touch and unable to find a more effective way to be close to you.ย
Because he was almost certain that you didnโt really like him.ย
Whenever he appeared, trying to make small talk or even flirt, youโd brush him off coolly, getting straight to the point, urging him to lay down and silencing him beneath the harsh and strong movements of your hands. He had no better luck at the end of sessions either, for youโd hurry him along claiming that you had another client waiting.ย
The waiting room was usually empty when Sukuna left so he doubted the legitimacy of your claim, but youโd left him at something of a loss as to how to handle you.ย
To be honest, he wasnโt accustomed to chasing after women. Usually, heโd sleep with whatever women chose to throw themselves at him, seeking fleeting pleasure in the form of one night stands, never putting much effort into seeking out someone he liked - as long as they were hot he tended to be game.ย
And then there was you, throwing his whole system and all of his beliefs completely out of check, because sure, he wanted to fuck you, but he also wanted to know you, and it was pissing him off that after several weeks of coming to you unfalteringly, he was no closer to you than he had been in that first session.ย
What hurt even more was the one afternoon that he came in for his appointment, figuring that heโd finally bite the bullet, swallow his pride, and just ask you out, only to find Toji waiting for him in the treatment room.ย
โHey man, howโs it going?โ Toji looked a little tired, having spent the last couple of months helping his daughter recover from her accident. Sukuna felt a flicker of annoyance at the sight of him, frustrated that his plans for the afternoon had been ruined.ย
โGood.โ Sukuna said warily. โI didnโt realise you were back.โย
He shrugged. โTsumikiโs mom can look after her for a bit and I was going stir-crazy. Figured Iโd come back to work and get back on a normal schedule.โย
โThatโs great.โย
โYeah, figured Iโd give my cover a bit of a break, Iโm sure you were fuckinโ awful to her while I was gone.โย
Sukuna hummed, chewing on his lip. โI mean, she was adequate, I guess.โย
Toji seemed to suddenly perk up at his words, green eyes narrowing as he peered at Sukunaโs face. Sukuna tried to stay nonchalant, staring back at his friend like there was nothing more to be said on the matter.ย
โShe was adequate?โ He asked slowly.ย
โSure.โย
โReally? I thought youโd be cursing my name for letting some girl take care of you.โย
โWell, she was decent, what else is there to say?โ Sukuna snapped, wondering how he could ask Toji if he could switch over to being your patient permanently without taking a massive hit to his pride.ย
Clearly, he hadnโt hidden the emotion in his voice as well as he shouldโve, because Toji was tilting his head to the side in question, a slowly growing smirk stretching across his face. โGot something you wanna tell me dude? You said youโd rather die than let someone else handle your massages.โ
โNothing.โ He hissed quickly. โIt was fine, just fine. I donโt pay you to talk, I got somewhere to be.โย
โOkay, okay,โ Toji said with a raise of his hands, but the grin didnโt falter and Sukuna hated that.ย
Tojiโs massage sucked.ย
He didnโt think that anything had actually changed in terms of what Toji did - the issue was that it wasnโt your hands pressing against his back, it wasn't the sound of your gentle breaths cutting through the silence of the room.ย
It was disappointing, and he was humiliated that he actually felt that way.
He didnโt return for an appointment for a full month after that, going back to his usual schedule now that Toji had returned. Heโd seen you in the gym a few times, but you were always working out with friends or sometimes guys and despite all his confidence there was something in him that felt afraid to approach you. He cared too much about the idea of you turning him down, laughing in his face like he had a chance.
So he left you be, and resigned himself to his fate.ย
When his next appointment rolled around, heโd gone into his usual room, waiting glumly for Toji to arrive, hoping for the entire encounter to be done swiftly. There was no joy in it now, it was nothing beyond a necessity for him to maintain his physical health.ย
His heart had practically leapt from his throat when youโd walked in through the door instead of Toji, greeting him with the smallest upturn of your lips.ย
โHey.โย
โHey!โ His words came out an octave higher than usual, and you couldnโt hide the smile it drew from you, sending humiliation coursing through him. That seemed to be a regular response in all matters concerning you, and he tried his best to push the feeling aside. โToji back off work?โ
โNo, heโs here. He just gave your appointment to me, said Iโm better suited for your needs.โย
โOh.โ
Sukuna wanted to crawl in a hole and die, unable to stop imagining how that conversation wouldโve gone down. Did Toji have a big grin on his face when heโd told you about the change? Had his tone been particularly suggestive, betraying exactly what Sukuna felt when he was around you?ย
โI can call him in if youโd prefer him though? Heโs not got a patient right now so-โย
โNo.โ Sukuna was quick to interrupt you, โitโs fine.โย
โJust fine, huh?โ You mused, seemingly to yourself. You didnโt give Sukuna a chance to admit that he was glad for the change, swiftly moving on and telling him to get undressed, sweeping out of the room for a few moments while he got himself settled atop the table, his heart racing at a hundred miles a minute.ย
He hadnโt realised just how much heโd missed your touch until your hands were on him once more, sturdy in their feel but somehow much softer than Tojiโs. Youโd remained silent as youโd gone through your usual routine, quiet and even breaths falling from your lips, fingers pressing on the knots that had reformed at the base of his neck and in his shoulders. For once he actually needed to see you, having grown tense in your absence over the past few weeks.ย
โIs the pressure okay?โ Youโd asked softly, to which he replied with a quiet grunt of affirmation, because of course it was, you always knew exactly what to do to ease his strained body.ย
He wondered how it would feel to have your steady hands wrapped around his cock, squeezing with just the right intensity to have him unravelling.ย
โAdequate, would you say?โ You asked, with an amused lilt. Sukuna froze up, any tension that youโd eased immediately flooded back into his shoulders at the words heโd spoken to Toji about you during his last session.ย
That bastard had really sold him out. He was probably in his office laughing about that shit.ย
โI said you were decent, actually,โ he mumbled, figuring that he might as well stand up for himself. The sweet quality of your giggle caught him off guard, eyes widening in shock because he wasnโt sure heโd ever heard you laugh before. You were usually so stoic with him, never offering him anything more than a smug smile.ย
โIs that so?โ
โYeah. Why else would I be here so damn often?โย
You hummed, fingers still pressing into the muscles of his upper back. โThatโs what Iโve been trying to figure out, since we both know thereโs nothing wrong with your shoulder.โย
Falling silent, he felt his cheeks warm under the question. He was usually so in control where women were concerned, usually he was the cat toying with a mouse, but he felt that the roles had been thoroughly switched now. Still, you continued stroking his back, his cock hardening with each careful move of your fingers.ย
He was convinced he was leaking onto the towel below him when he heard you let out a gentle sigh. โSometimes, Iโm almost convinced that you come here just to see me. But that would be crazy, right? You mustโve spent a small fortune at this point.โย
Sukuna didnโt want to think about how much money heโd spent in the last two months, but he couldn't say that he regretted a single penny. Fortunately, he was accustomed to winning his matches and through competition earnings and sponsors he had more than enough to afford it.ย
Though, that money could certainly be better spent on you rather than half of it lining Tojiโs pockets.ย
โWould you like it if that was the reason?โ He felt like a teenager again, trying to feel out a crush before committing to something that might end in rejection.ย
โI think Iโd be confused as to why you didnโt just ask me out.โ You giggled again, hands stilling but not pulling away from their position on his back.ย
Well, now he felt a little stupid.ย
โI think Iโd be flattered though. Maybe I'd even be interested,โ you continued.
โMaybe?โ He asked, heart fluttering. He was still staring down at the floor through the hole in the table, completely at your mercy, only able to imagine what expression you were wearing as you peered down at him, completely distracted now from the task at hand.ย
โMmmm, hypothetically, if that was the reason.โ
Sukuna swallowed hard, starting to catch on to the fact that you wanted him to speak the words out loud, to swallow his pride and confess his desires. He hated how you always had the upper hand with him, always in control since the very first time heโd met you. He hated how much he liked it, how much he wanted to do whatever you told him to.ย
โI want you.โ The words came out all matter of fact, spoken more like he was listing groceries rather than confessing. He wanted to brush over it and get to the part where you were his, the moment that youโd climb on top of him and ride him until he couldnโt breathe, your hands pressing at his shoulders while you did so.ย
But you were something of a sadist, because instead of simply accepting his confession, you said: โmore.โย
And he didnโt hesitate, throwing himself over the threshold because now heโd admitted to his liking of you, what was the point in maintaining a stoic sense of pride?ย
He pushed himself up onto his forearms, twisting around to look at you. โIโm here because I canโt stop thinking about you, hell I fuckinโ dream about you. I want you, I want you to touch me more, fuck.โย
โYeah?โ Your expression was ecstatic, eyes glimmering with glee. Sukuna suddenly found himself overly aware of how naked he was and how dressed you were, feeling almost shy under this newly found attention.ย
โYeah, I mean, look at you.โย
โItโs funny, when you first showed up here a few months ago, you didnโt seem to like me much at all.โย
His body literally sagged, wishing he could go back and undo all the rudeness from the first time heโd met you. At this point heโd been thoroughly humbled - youโd proven that women could be just as effective at giving sport massages as men, and youโd also stolen his heart in the process. He had really learned his lesson.ย
โSorry. I was a jerk.โย
โYou were. It was cute hearing you stutter after that first session though, really adorable stuff.โย
โStop.โ He groaned, his cheeks reddening.ย
โPretty sure you were hard too.โย
He had been, just like he was in that moment, but he hated the fact that youโd known and had said absolutely nothing for two months. He was torn between wanting to implode beneath the weight of his own cringe, and being the happiest heโd ever felt, because he was pretty sure that through all your teasing this was you accepting his confession.ย
โI also really liked watching you invent excuses to come back every week. My friends were sure you were gonna ask me out.โย
Sukuna shrugged, sitting up properly now and trying to relax. It wasnโt often that heโd been free to peer so openly at your face like he was right now, and it was a tough task to keep himself calm because you were just so lovely and he really wanted to lean forward and kiss you. He wanted you on the table with him - on top of him, beneath him, whatever - he just needed you.
โLook, I didnโt wanna seem like a creep and overstep a professional boundary,โ he confessed. โI was scared it would be one of those situations where a guy thinks a stripper loves him.โย
Again you laughed. โAw, that's actually kind of a sweet consideration. Toji told me that you were a jerk through and through, but I guess heโs wrong.โย
Sukuna pouted at the idea of Toji telling you anything about him, although his buddy clearly did a somewhat decent job at wingmaning considering heโd orchestrated the current situation.ย
โI actually thought youโd approach me when I was working out. I was always smiling at you in the gym but youโd never come over.โย
God, he really was an idiot.ย
He wanted to kick himself for not catching on sooner that you were open to his advances. It was something of an embarrassment for someone who usually held such confidence.ย
โAgain, I didnโt want to be one of those gross gym bros trying to bother a girl while sheโs working out,โ he mumbled. โI didnโt know- I wasnโt sure if youโd be interested in me so I didnโt want to risk it.โย
โWell I am. Interested in you, I mean.โย
He blinked at you a couple of times, red eyes scanning your face almost in disbelief. He wasnโt sure why it came as a surprise to him, since heโd never had much of an issue getting women to like him, but for some reason youโd just seemed so unattainable. Youโd always seemed aloof to him in a way that suggested his chances of dating you were about the same as dating a celebrity.ย
And yet, here you were.ย
โOh.โย
There was a moment of silence before Sukuna recovered, remembering that he was usually good with women and letting his body spring into action. His hands found your hips, tugging you forward and positioning you between his legs which were dangling over the side of the table. The towel had kept its position around his waist, but left little to the imagination as he held you there between his muscular thighs.ย
Lips crashing against yours, his arms wrapped firmly around your torso, pulling you closer into his grip and allowing him to deepen the kiss. You tasted faintly of honey and were just as addictive, a desire for more surging through him as he explored your mouth, your tongue dancing with his as though youโd done this a million times before.ย
Bravely, his hands toyed with the hem of your shirt, lifting it experimentally, thrilled when you aided him in pulling it off over your head, leaving you in your sports bra which he was equally quick to discard. It was nice to have his hands on your skin for a change, running his fingers over the muscles of your back as you lost yourselves in the kiss once more. He wondered if youโd enjoy him massaging you, or if youโd find his untrained attempts rather pathetic.ย
You didnโt give him much chance to find out, thoroughly distracting him with the slow movement of your hands down the length of his torso, stopping only once you reached the edge of the white towel covering him. He gasped against your mouth once your hand slipped beneath, fingers brushing gently against his pubic hair before finding the shaft of his cock.ย
โHow about you lay back for me?โ You murmured, breaking the kiss, eyes blown wide with desire. Sukunaโs cock twitched in your hand at the question, more than happy for you to tell him what to do. He shuffled back on the table, laying down on his back and relaxing as you hopped up on top of him, your knees placed firmly on either side of his thighs.
Your hand was stroking his cock languidly, lashes fluttering enticingly as you stared down at him, clearly enjoying the pleasure gripping his face with each careful touch. Your other hand was stroking his thigh, slowly massaging the muscle where dark bands of ink wrapped around his skin.ย
โIโve always liked these.โ You hummed, eyes flickering to the tattoos. โI admire them whenever you come in.โย
โOh yeah?โย
โMmm. Theyโre hot.โย
Again, Sukuna was twitching in your hand, caught off guard by the impact the simplest of compliments seemed to have on him so long as they were falling from your lips. A low groan escaped from him as you squeezed his cock a little harder, running your hand along the length of it with the same expert motions youโd use on his back.ย
Generally, when women had tried jerking him off in the past, it had never felt quite as good as it did to simply get himself off with his own hands - it was impossible for them to understand his body in the way that he did. And yet, under your touch he was writhing desperately, his stomach tensing with each firm stroke, trying to hold it together despite the fact he could already feel himself coming undone.
It was clear that you knew what to do - switching up the pressure and the nature of your movements, testing to see what had him shivering with the greatest intensity. Occasionally, your thumb would swipe the tip, spreading pre-cum down his shaft, all while you kept eye contact with him, your legs squeezing hard against his thighs.ย
โIs the pressure good?โ You asked in a low tone, a teasing smile on your pretty face, speaking to him like this was just another normal appointment, like your hand was wrapped around his bicep rather than his cock.ย
โYou know it is.โ He managed to huff out, his face scarlet, only spurring you on further.ย
โAw, good.โ Your hand picked up speed and moments later he was cumming all over your hand, his seed dripping down your fingers, making a mess beneath the towel he was still covered with. Youโd released him, and as you pulled your hand away heโd expected you to wipe it clean on the towel; instead, you raised your fingers to your lips and licked them clean of his cum without a second thought.ย
He was already hard again.ย
Fortunately, you seemed to be one step ahead of him.ย
Unravelling the towel hanging off his hips, you freed his cock from its confines. He watched you carefully, noting the way your eyes gazed upon it, the way your throat bobbed with a gulp at the sight. That, at the very least, restored his ego to some extent - for once he didnโt feel like he was totally on the backfoot with you.ย
โImpressed?โ He asked, puffing out his chest with pride.ย
โYeah, actually,โ you responded easily. โVery impressed.โย
Once again, he felt shy beneath your easy confidence, still not quite used to how easily you would say what was on your mind. There were no games, no manipulation, no pretending that you cared about something less than you really did.ย
He appreciated it.ย
โThereโs only five minutes left of our session, and Toji needs the room after.โ You said, glancing at the clock on the wall. โDo you think thatโs enough time?โย
It certainly wasnโt enough time for what Sukuna wanted from you. He wanted to spend hours worshipping every part of your body, wanted to eat you out until you were crying, wanted to show you what it was like for him to be in charge. More than anything, he wanted to be buried inside of you until you were both numb and overstimulated, wanted you clinging to him in the throes of exhaustion and pleasure.ย
But none of that seemed fit to do in your treatment room, so it would have to wait for another time.ย
โI think I can be quick,โ he said honestly, only to be met with a smug grin.
โOh, I bet you can.โย
โShut up,โ he mumbled, โitโs not my fault youโve got me all riled up.โย
That earned him another soft laugh, and he found that he was entirely smitten with the sound.ย
โOh, how flattering of you,โ you purred.
โWhat can I say? Iโm charming.โย
You didnโt respond to that, offering him nothing more than an almost shy smile as you discarded the rest of your clothes, a blush lining your cheeks for once as he took in your naked beauty. You were as gorgeous as he expected, and he found his hands trailing down your sides before coming to rest on your hips, wishing he could kiss every inch of you.ย
But you had speed on your mind, and leaving Sukuna in his position laying back on the table, you hovered yourself over his cock, taking it once more in your hand and rubbing it through your folds a few times before lining yourself up and sitting down on it with a quiet little gasp.ย
Sukuna groaned in sheer pleasure at the tightness of your walls wrapped around him, his fingers digging hard into the skin of your hips as he helped ease you down his length until he was buried to the hilt within you. โOh fuck, youโre so tight.โ he groaned.ย
โNo, I think youโre just big.โ You bit back at him with some effort, your hands braced on his chest while you struggled to adjust, thighs trembling ever so slightly.ย
โMaybe.โ He tried to hide how much your comment had swelled his ego.ย
After giving yourself a few moments to breathe, you started to move, raising yourself up and bringing yourself down again on his cock, sweet groans and whines pouring from you as you found a rhythm, doing all the work yourself while Sukuna supported your hips. He was gazing up at you like a man whoโd just witnessed an angel, red eyes shiny with affection at the sight of you on top of him, breasts bouncing with each movement.ย
He couldnโt remember the last time it had felt so good to be inside someone.ย
Probably never.ย
Eager to be closer to you, he propped himself up on his forearms, encouraging you to steady yourself on his shoulders. You leant forward, hands firm against his skin, your breasts pressing up against his chest, forcing you to move from long movements of your hips to simply grinding yourself against him.ย
A yelp left you once Sukuna decided that he wanted to help, thrusting his hips upwards and taking you along for the ride. He picked up a brutal pace, aware that the two of you were on a time limit, chuckling at the way your fingers scrambled for purchase against his skin, finding safety in the familiarity of the shoulders youโd been massaging for weeks.ย
โFeel good?โ He rasped against your ear, aware that your movements had largely stilled, letting him take charge in filling you so thoroughly.
โS-so good,โ you stuttered, and Sukuna felt a sick sense of pleasure at hearing you falter in such a way. Heโd been humiliated enough for a little while and figured it was time for the tables to turn, at least for a little while.ย
He was certain that if things were going to work out between the two of you, heโd find many moments in which you were in control.ย
But right now? This wasnโt one of them.ย
Youโd had your fun, and he was going to have his.ย
Just as heโd wanted, you came before he did. You did your best to muffle your cry of his name by burning your face into his shoulder, but he was sure that youโd still be heard if there were any prying ears on the other side of the door. He couldnโt really care less about such a thing - Toji had heard him having sex plenty of times throughout college.ย
Heโd kept up his movements, fucking you through the orgasm until you were whining pathetically against his shoulder, begging him to slow down. He did no such thing until he had reached his own peak, spilling into you with a deep groan, only registering moments later that he probably shouldโve pulled out first.ย
It wasnโt like him to forget a condom, never having fucked a girl bareback before.ย
But you were something different. The moment youโd offered your affection to him his mind had gone haywire, completely forgetting important details like that in favour of having you completely to himself.ย
Heโd buy you the morning after pill as an apology.ย
Cradling you against him for a few moments, he wished you could stay like that for a while longer. Your weight atop his sweaty body felt lovely, and he desperately wanted to continue stroking your hair, losing himself in the intoxicating scent of you that seemed to drive him crazy.ย
But reality came knocking in the form of a fist against the door of the treatment room. โAll done? I do have a patient in ten minutes so I need to set up.โ Toji called out. You leapt from your position on top of Sukuna swiftly as if suddenly remembering yourself, glancing at the door nervously.ย
Sukuna wondered how much Toji had heard, wondering if the man was standing outside grinning like a Cheshire cat, ready to quiz Sukuna all about it the moment he exited.ย
It was likely, since Toji had always been a nosy bastard.ย
Too bad Sukuna wouldnโt be telling him anything about you. You were sacred to him, and it would stay that way - he wasnโt about to share anything with Toji.
โYeah, just a few minutes!โ You called back to Toji, your voice wavering a little. It was cute, how frazzled you seemed to be - he wanted to see more of that.ย
Letting out a heavy breath, you looked at Sukuna, who was slowly sitting up. His red eyes were darting about your face, trying to read your expression, hoping to god that this wasnโt some spur of the moment, one time thing. He wanted to take you home, wanted you in his arms.
If he had to go back to lying about aches and pains just to see you at a scheduled appointment, he was pretty sure heโd lose his mind.ย
โDo you wanna come to my place later?โ You spoke before he could, giving him an almost bashful smile.ย
โYeah. Yeah Iโd like that,โ he responded, shoulders relaxing.ย
He was pretty sure that your words alone had released a knot in his back.
That was just how good a masseuse you were.ย
a/n: need him so bad my GOD
ANYWAY hope you enjoyed this little one shot while I work on the next chapter of crazy in love! thanks for reading, reblogs and comments are appreciated as always <3
chapter eight || A Doorway Full of Ghosts - R. Sukuna
Ryomen sukuna x f!reader
โYou grew up behind locked doorsโkept โsafeโ until safety started to look like a cage.
One night, something inside you snapped, and the world answered with sirens, courtrooms, and an iron-lit ward that promised treatment but fed on fear. Thatโs where you met him.
Sukunaโanother monster on paper, another lifer with a smile that didnโt reach his eyes. He watched you like he recognized the shape of your loneliness. Like heโd been waiting. And when the ward turned bloody, when the gates cracked open for a moment too long, he took your hand and didnโt let go.
Now living in the aftermathโmoving country to country, carrying secrets like loaded guns.
Because what escaped with them wasnโt just love.
It was something darker.โ
By the time your parentsโ flight finally landed, your apartment no longer smelled like new.
It smelled like you.
Like simmering broth that clung to the curtains. Like laundry soap and cheap incense Sumire insisted โkept bad energy out.โ Like the faint sweetness of the lotion Sukuna rubbed into your hands when your skin got dry from washing dishes too often.
It smelled like something lived-in.
Something survived.
You had been counting down the days in a way that felt childishโmarking them in your head, waking with a little burst of nervous excitement that made your stomach flutter even when nausea tried to swallow it. You told yourself it was just because you missed them. Because you wanted your motherโs arms around you and your fatherโs voice in the room again, steady as a metronome.
But deeper than that, there was another wanting.
A wanting to prove you were real.
A wanting to prove you werenโt the monster theyโd whispered about in careful tones. A wanting to show them you were still their daughterโand not just a story the world had written in court ink and locked behind steel doors.
Sukuna had been clear, the way he always was when something mattered to him.
โIf they bring authorities,โ heโd said one night, voice low as he watched you fold baby clothes Kaori had handed down, โthey wonโt come back in this apartment. Ever. Understand?โ
Youโd nodded, throat tight. โThey promised they wouldnโt.โ
โAnd if they lied,โ heโd murmured, stepping close, thumb pressing beneath your chin to tilt your face up, โI wonโt be gentle.โ
Youโd swallowed, heart hammering.ย
Because you knew he meant it.
And because a small, shameful part of youโburied under fearโhad felt relieved he would protect you, even if his protection tasted like a blade.
When the knock finally came, your whole body lit up.
You stood so fast the room tilted. โIโll get it,โ you blurted, already moving.
But Sukuna was quicker.
He was always quicker when it came to doors.
His arm slid in front of youโnot rough, just absoluteโand he stepped past you as if heโd been waiting to place his body between you and the world. โIโll answer,โ he said.
You didnโt argue. You hovered a step behind him, hands twisting together, palms damp.
Sukuna opened the door.
For a second, everything froze in the doorway like a photograph.
Your mother stood there firstโeyes glossy, smile trembling like it was struggling not to fall apart. Your father beside her, shoulders squared, face calm but tight around the mouth. And Hiroโ
Hiro looked different.
Not older, exactly, butโฆ harder. Like grief had carved new lines into him. Like guilt had grown into something sharper than sadness.
Your mother tried to smile at Sukuna as much as she could, like politeness was a fragile offering that might keep the air safe. Your father did the same, chin dipping in a small respectful nod.
Hiro didnโt.
His gaze locked on Sukuna and stayed there, unblinking, like a challenge he didnโt know how to put into words.
Sukuna stood tall in the doorway, filling it. Broad shoulders. Crimson eyes. That pale pink buzzed hair that looked almost soft until you remembered the man beneath it.
He didnโt step aside immediately.
He stared at them for a long moment, measuring.
Then he said, flat and controlled, โCome in.โ
Your mother moved first.
The second she crossed the threshold and saw you fullyโstanding there in your soft clothes, hair pulled back, belly just beginning to show in that tender early wayโshe made a small sound, like something in her chest finally cracked.
โOh, sweetheartโฆโ You barely got a breath before she was on you, arms wrapping around you tight, tight, tightโlike she was trying to make sure you were solid. Like she was trying to convince herself you werenโt a dream.
You clung back, face pressed into her shoulder, smelling her perfumeโfamiliar, floral, safeโand tears sprang to your eyes so fast you didnโt have time to stop them.
โI missed you,โ you whispered, voice breaking. โI know,โ she murmured into your hair. โI know, baby. I know.โ
Your father came next.
He hugged you firm, careful around your belly, one hand pressing to your back and the other coming up to cup your cheek for half a second, thumb brushing softly like you were still small enough to be soothed by touch alone.
โYou lookโฆโ he swallowed, voice quiet, โโฆyou look well.โ You nodded, tears slipping down your face. โIโm okay.โ
Then Hiro stepped forward.
For a heartbeat, you didnโt know what he would do.
You remembered him in court, jaw clenched, eyes raw with guilt he never learned how to set down. You remembered him visiting the ward every week, trying to smile through glass, trying to pretend you werenโt locked away because of something that happened when he brought pain home.
Hiro hugged you like a big brother who had missed his little sister.
It wasnโt gentle like your mother.
It wasnโt careful like your father.
It was tight and shaking, arms wrapping around you like he had been holding his breath for years and didnโt realize it until now.
You clung back, small against him.
He murmured, barely audible, โYouโre here.โ
โIโm here,โ you whispered.
When you pulled away, your motherโs hands immediately came to your face again, thumbs brushing beneath your eyes, smoothing away tears like she could smooth away the years too.
Then she looked down at your belly and made a soft soundโhalf laugh, half sob.
โSit,โ she urged quickly, the way mothers did when love turned into instruction. โYou need rest. The baby needs rest.โ
You started to protestโIโm fineโbut something shifted in the room.
Sukuna, who had been standing near the doorway like a guard, visibly loosened.
Just a fraction.
Because for the first time since theyโd arrived, your mother had said something he agreed with.
You watched his shoulders drop a hair.
It was strangeโhow your mother didnโt even know sheโd pleased him, how she didnโt realize sheโd accidentally spoken his language: protect the baby, protect you.
You sat on the couch like she wanted, and your mother settled close beside you, thigh touching yours, hand resting lightly on your knee.
Your father and Hiro took the loveseat across from you.
Hiro kept his posture stiff, gaze flicking around the apartment like he was searching for traps in the cornersโlike he didnโt trust soft places anymore.
Sukuna stood for a moment, watching all of you like he was memorizing the geometry of the room: where they sat, where you sat, how close they were allowed to be.
Then he said, โIโll start lunch.โ You looked up at him, heart fluttering at the fact he was offeringโhosting, in his own way. โThank you,โ you said gently.
Sukunaโs ears went faintly red, as if tenderness embarrassed him more than violence ever could. He looked away quickly, jaw working like heโd swallowed something sharp, then nodded once and disappeared into the kitchen.
The moment he left the immediate space, your mother exhaled like sheโd been holding her breath since the door opened.
She leaned closer, voice soft. โSweetheartโฆ youโre really okay?โ You nodded quickly, too quickly. โYes. Iโm okay.โ
Your fatherโs gaze stayed steady on you, calm but searching. โYou look healthy,โ he said. โYouโre eating?โ
โYes,โ you whispered. โI eat. I take vitamins.โ
Your motherโs eyes brightened with fragile joy. โAnd the baby? How are you feeling? Are you sick a lot?โ
โSome days,โ you admitted, fingers drifting unconsciously to your belly. โBut itโs okay. Itโsโโ your voice cracked, smiling through it, โitโs my baby.โ
Your motherโs hand covered yours, warm and trembling. โYes,โ she whispered. โYes it is.โ
Across from you, Hiro finally spoke again.
โYou look good,โ he said, voice rougher than your fatherโs. โHealthier thanโฆ before.โ
Your chest tightened.
Because you knew what before meant.
Before the ward. Before the glass. Before the way theyโd started looking at you like you might break the room if you breathed too hard.
You swallowed. โHow are you?โ you asked, trying to keep your voice light. โDid youโฆ did you get married?โ Hiroโs mouth twitched, humorless. โNo.โ Your breath halted. โOhโ Iโm sorry.โ He shook his head. โDonโt be. Me and Aiko broke up.โ
Your motherโs face flickeredโrelief and sorrow tangled together.
Your father stayed quiet, gaze dropping briefly to the floor.
You stared at Hiro, stunned. โWhy?โ Hiro shrugged, but his eyes were tired. โIt was never right,โ he said. โShe wasnโtโฆ the girl.โ
The words hung in the air like a curtain you didnโt know how to pull aside.
Aiko had been the spark that day. The screaming, the slapping. The betrayal that made your mind crack open at the worst possible seam.
You didnโt know if Hiro was saying she wasnโt the girl because she didnโt love him enoughโฆ or because she could never live beside the shadow of what happened.
You didnโt ask.
Your mother asked softer questions insteadโwhere you lived exactly, you kept it vague, if the neighborhood felt safe, you said yes, if you had friends, you said Kaori and Sumire, and you watched your motherโs eyes ease at the fact you werenโt alone.
Your father listened, hands folded, posture composed. Then, gently, like a professor guiding a student toward a difficult truth, he asked:
โAnd your medication, love?โ
Your stomach tightened instantly.
Your motherโs hand squeezed your knee.
Your fatherโs voice stayed soft. โAre you doing okay without it?โ
You opened your mouth.
The words didnโt come fast.
Because you knew what your father meant: Are you safe? Are you stable? Are you about to fall apart again?
Because you also knew what Sukuna believed: You donโt need it. Thereโs nothing wrong with you. They made you weak.
You were caught between those worlds, balancing on the thin line of peace.
Before you could answer, Sukunaโs voice cut in from the kitchenโclose enough that heโd clearly been listening. โYou donโt need it,โ he said flatly.
He stepped into the doorway with a bowl in his hands, eyes sharp. He didnโt smile. He didnโt soften. He simply stated it like fact.
Your motherโs posture went still.
Your fatherโs expression stayed calm, but his eyes tightened.
Hiroโs jaw flexed as if heโd bitten down on rage.
Sukuna crossed the room and set the bowl down, then looked at your father with that cold arrogance that always seemed to dare people to challenge him.
โSheโs fine,โ Sukuna said. โBetter than fine.โ
Your father didnโt rise to it. He breathed in slowly, voice still gentle. โIโm glad sheโs doing well,โ he said. โMedication isnโt weakness. It can be support.โ
Sukuna scoffedโsmall, sharp.
You felt the air tighten.
You felt it in your motherโs hand on your knee, the way her fingers pressed like a silent warning: be careful.
You looked up at Sukuna thenโat the way he stood too straight, at the way he watched your family like they were potential threats disguised as love.
And you did what you had learned to do to keep storms from breaking.
You smiled gently.
โIโm okay,โ you said softly, voice calm, almost sweet. โSukuna takes good care of me.โ
The words pleased him.
You saw it immediatelyโthe barely-there shift, the way his shoulders eased, the way his eyes flicked down to you like youโd given him something.
Your motherโs smile trembled again, but she kept it.
Your father nodded, slow.
Hiro looked away, staring at the floor like he couldnโt stand to watch you become agreeable to survive.
Sukuna returned to the kitchen without another word, as if the matter was settled.
But your fatherโs gaze stayed on youโquiet, steady, aching.
And in the space between your gentle smile and your brotherโs silence, you felt it:
This visit wasnโt just about seeing you.
It was about learning who you belonged to now.
And whether there was any part of you left that still belonged to yourself.
Your motherโs hand stayed on your knee for a long moment after youโd said itโSukuna takes good care of meโas if she were anchoring you to the couch, to the room, to reality.
Then she shifted, smoothing her skirt with trembling fingers, and reached into her bag.
โI brought something,โ she said softly, like the words were a peace offering.
You blinked. โForโฆ me?โ
โFor you,โ she murmured, eyes shining. โAnd for the baby.โ
She pulled out a small bundle wrapped in tissue paper firstโneat, careful, chosen with love. When she unfolded it, you saw a tiny onesieโsoft fabric, neutral colors, a little pattern of tiny moons and stars. Not pink. Not blue. Just gentle. Just safe.
โItโs early,โ your mother said, voice thick with emotion, โand we donโt know the gender yet, but I couldnโt come empty-handed. Soโฆ something neutral.โ
Your breath caught.
Your chest filled so fast it hurt.
You reached for it with shaking hands, as if you were afraid it would vanish if you moved too quickly. Your fingers brushed the soft fabric, and something inside you gave way.
You started crying immediately.
Not loud. Not dramatic. Just tears spilling like theyโd been waiting behind your ribs for permission.
โOh,โ you whispered, smiling through it. โMamaโฆโ
Your motherโs eyes filled too, and she reached out, cupping your cheek with the same gentle hands that had once tucked your hair behind your ear when you were sick as a child. โYouโre going to be a mother,โ she whispered, and the wonder in her voice broke you open even more.
You nodded, crying harder, pressing the onesie to your chest like it could hear your heartbeat. โItโs soโฆ little,โ you choked out. โItโs so little.โ Your mother laughed softly through tears. โTheyโre always little at first.โ
Then she reached into the bag again and pulled out a second giftโthis one for you. A soft cardigan in a warm, neutral shade, plush and gentle against the skin, the kind of thing meant to drape around your shoulders when your body felt fragile. Tucked into the fold was a small paperback journal with a simple coverโno loud design, just a quiet invitationโand a pen clipped neatly to the side.
โFor you,โ your mother said, voice careful. โFor your thoughts. For your days. For the things you might not know how to say out loud.โ
You stared.
Tears slid down your cheeks and dropped onto your hands.
โIโโ your voice cracked, and you had to swallow hard. โThank you.โ
You couldnโt stop crying. You couldnโt stop smiling either. It felt like your face didnโt know which emotion to belong to, so it tried to hold both.
Across the room, Sukunaโs footsteps approached.
He had been pretending he wasnโt listening from the kitchen, but you knew betterโSukuna listened to everything that involved you the way a wolf listened to the woods.
He came to your side and looked down at what you were holding.
His gaze lingered on the onesie, then on the cardigan, then on your tear-streaked face.
โDo you like it?โ he asked, voice rough, almost cautiousโas if he didnโt know how to enter a moment that didnโt involve power.
You nodded fast, crying harder. โYes,โ you whispered, breathless. โItโsโฆ itโs perfect.โ
Something in Sukunaโs expression softenedโjust a hair. Not enough to make him safe, but enough to make him human for a second.
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your temple.
A slow, possessive kind of tenderness.
Then he straightened and handed you a glass of water like it was an instruction disguised as care.
โDrink,โ he said, eyes narrowing slightly. โYouโve been crying all the time.โ Your cheeks warmed. You sniffled. โIโmโฆ hormonal.โ
Sukuna scoffed quietly like he hated the word, like heโd prefer a simpler reason, but his thumb brushed your shoulder in a small, grounding motion.
โHormonal or not, you need to hydrate,โ he muttered.
You took the glass with trembling fingers and sipped obediently, still crying softly. Sukuna watched you swallow like it mattered more than the conversation itself.
Your mother noticed.
You saw it in the way her eyes flicked between you and him, cataloging the dynamics like a florist cataloged stemsโgentle, dangerous, delicate, sharp.
Your father cleared his throat.
The sound was quiet, polite, but it cut through the room like a careful blade.
Sukunaโs head turned immediately.
Your father offered a small, respectful smile that didnโt reach his eyes.
โSukuna,โ he said calmly, โmay I ask you a few questions?โ
Sukuna didnโt sit. He stood there, looming slightly, like he wanted the height advantage without admitting he wanted it.
โWhat,โ Sukuna said.
Your father kept his tone even. โWhat do you do for work?โ Sukunaโs jaw flexed once, then he answered, blunt. โWelding company. Labor. Iโm good at it.โ
Your father nodded slowly. โAnd youโve been able to supportโฆโ his gaze flicked to you, softened there, โโฆher? And the baby?โ
Sukunaโs eyes narrowed, the protective edge sharpening. โYes.โ
The air tightened around that single syllable.
Your fatherโs hands stayed folded in his lap. He asked another question anyway, voice still polite, still mild.
โHow long have you been working there?โ
Sukuna answered. Your father listened. He asked about hours, about stability, about whether Sukuna intended to stay in the area. Each question sounded harmless on the surface, but you could feel the shape of what your father was doing beneath it:
Learning the cage.
Measuring the lock.
Trying to find where the hinge might be.
Your mother stayed quiet beside you, smiling softly whenever Sukuna glanced her way, offering him warmth like it was strategy.
Because it was.
Hiro, across from you, didnโt participate.
He didnโt look at Sukuna.
Not once.
His gaze stayed on you, like if he looked at Sukuna he might say something that would light the room on fire.
Hiro leaned forward slightly, voice gentler than you expected. โHowโs the pregnancy been?โ he asked.
You blinked, grateful for a question that wasnโt about control.
โItโsโฆ strange,โ you admitted quietly. โI get sick sometimes.โ Hiro nodded. โWhat are you craving?โ You wiped your cheeks, embarrassed. โIce cream,โ you whispered, then added quickly, โand sometimes salty things. Like noodles.โ
Hiroโs mouth twitchedโthe faintest hint of a smile. โThat sounds like you.โ
Your chest tightened.
Because it did. Because it reminded you that before everythingโbefore courtrooms and wards and Sukunaโyou had been you.
Hiro watched you a long moment, then asked softly, โDo you feel okay?โ
You hesitated.
Not because you didnโt understand the question.
Because you understood it too well.
You answered the safest way. โYes,โ you said gently, fingers slipping to your belly again. โI do.โ
Hiro swallowed hard and nodded, gaze dropping to your hands like he couldnโt bear to look at your face too long.
Your mother cleared her throat then, voice carefulโsweet in the way sheโd always been when she wanted to keep peace.
โIfโฆโ she began, then paused, eyes flicking to Sukuna like she was approaching a wild animal slowly. โIf we were to move to Chinaโฆโ
Your heart skipped.
Your fatherโs posture went still.
Hiroโs eyes widened slightly, surprise flashing across his face.
Your mother continued, voice trembling but steady. โWould that be alright? I meanโclose by, not here necessarilyโjustโฆ near. So that when Sukuna is working and Y/n is alone, I could come help. With her. With the baby.โ
She smiled, gentle, deliberate.
โI know Sukuna will already be such a great father,โ she added, voice warm, โand very protective. But I also know he has to work. And a motherโฆ a mother just wants to help.โ
You felt your throat close.
Because the offer was love.
Because the offer was also an escape route disguised as tenderness.
Sukunaโs eyes sharpened instantly.
He knew it too.
For a heartbeat, you thought he would snap.
But thenโsomething surprising.
His shoulders eased slightly.
His ego liked the praise. He liked being named as a good father before heโd even had to prove it. He liked being acknowledged as the center of your safety.
Your motherโs buttering worked.
Sukunaโs mouth twitched, not quite a smile, but not a snarl either.
He looked at you firstโlike your opinion was the deciding factor even if he pretended otherwise.
Then he looked back at your mother.
โAs long as it doesnโt stress her out,โ he said slowly, measured. โOr the baby.โ Your mother nodded quickly. โOf course.โ
Your fatherโs jaw tightened almost imperceptibly, but he kept his expression calm.
Hiroโs hands balled on his knees, knuckles whitening, but he said nothingโstill refusing to look at Sukuna, as if eye contact would make him complicit.
You sat there, holding the tiny onesie and the cardigan and the journal like evidence that you were loved.
And in the quiet after your motherโs offer, you felt the room rearrange itself:
Your parents werenโt here just to visit.
They were here to negotiate.
And Sukunaโstanding over you with that glass of water, that kiss still warm on your templeโwas already deciding what parts of you they were allowed to keep.
Time moved strangely after thatโlike the apartment itself had learned to hold its breath.
Lunch simmered in the kitchen. The air filled with the comforting smell of broth and rice and something warm enough to trick your nervous system into believing this was normal. Your mother asked small questions while she folded the baby onesie back into tissue paper as if she were tucking away a prayer. Your fatherโs gaze kept returning to the window, then to the door, as if he wanted to map every exit. Hiro stayed close to you without touching too much, like he was afraid his affection might break you.
And SukunaโSukuna watched everything.
Not overtly. Not like a guard pacing.
But like a storm cloud lingering at the edge of a sunny day, always present, always capable.
When the conversation finally softened into quieter tones and the daylight started to lean toward evening, your mother glanced at your father, then cleared her throat.
โWell,โ she said gently, smiling as if she could charm the air itself, โweโre staying at a hotel just down the street.โ
Your heart liftedโrelief and excitement blooming together. โDown the street?โ
โYes,โ your mother said, nodding. โClose. So we can see you again tomorrow if thatโs okay.โ
Your father leaned forward slightly, voice calm. โWeโd like to take you to lunch,โ he added, careful, polite. โJust for a little while. Somewhere quiet.โ Hiro nodded once, eyes on you. โIf you feel up to it.โ
You opened your mouth to say yes so fast it almost slipped out as a squeak.
But Sukuna spoke first.
โNo.โ
The word snapped through the room like a match struck.
Your smile faltered.
Your motherโs face didnโt changeโnot muchโbut her eyes tightened, just a fraction, like sheโd felt the heat of it.
Sukuna stood near the kitchen doorway, arms crossed, posture rigid. His gaze slid to youโpossessive, protective, controlling all in one breath.
โShe needs to stay home when Iโm working,โ he said flatly.
The air turned dense.
Your fatherโs expression stayed neutral, but you saw itโthe flicker of anger he swallowed down for your sake. Your mother, ever the florist, ever the woman who knew how to handle thorns without bleeding, nodded slowly.
โOf course,โ she said softly. โWe understand. Truly.โ Then she tilted her head with careful gentleness, offering a compromise like a ribbon laid over a blade.
โWould it be alright,โ she asked, voice warm, โif we picked up food and brought it here instead? We could eat together in the apartment. That way she doesnโt have to go out, and itโs stillโฆ lunch.โ
Hiroโs jaw tightened, but he didnโt speak.
Your father watched Sukuna closely, like he was studying a difficult subjectโlike he was trying to understand what kind of man said no so easily to something so simple.
Sukunaโs nostrils flared.
He took a slow breath through his nose, like he was forcing himself to consider the idea rather than crush it on instinct. His eyes flicked to you again, sharp and assessing, as if checking whether youโd protestโwhether youโd betray him by wanting something outside of his reach.
You sat very still, hands folded over your belly, heart beating too fast.
Finally, Sukuna exhaled.
A heavy sigh, like giving permission cost him something.
โThatโs fine,โ he said, clipped. โBut no taking her out.โ Your mother nodded immediately. โOf course.โ Sukunaโs eyes narrowed further, voice dropping lower, more final.
โSheโs fragile right now.โ
The word fragile landed in your chest like a weight.
It sounded like concern when he said it.
It also sounded like a leash.
You swallowed and forced a small smile, trying to keep the peace, trying to keep the air sweet and safe. Your motherโs hand found your knee again, squeezing gentlyโcomfort and quiet strategy in one touch.
Hiro stared at the floor, jaw clenched so tight a muscle jumped in his cheek.
Your father nodded slowly, polite enough to pass, careful enough not to ignite Sukuna. โWe understand,โ he said calmly. โWeโll bring food here tomorrow.โ
Sukuna didnโt thank them.
He simply nodded once, as if heโd granted them a privilege they should be grateful for.
And you sat between them allโbelly warm with new life, hands trembling under your calm smileโfeeling how easily love turned into permission, how quickly your world shrank to the size of what Sukuna allowed.
The next day came in soft gray light, the kind that made the city look washed cleanโquiet streets, pale sky, the world holding still for a moment before it remembered how to move.
You woke with that gentle, nervous excitement buzzing under your skin.
Your parents were coming back.
You cleaned even though the apartment was already clean. You smoothed the couch pillows, wiped the counter twice, checked the sink, checked it again. Your hands needed something to do so your thoughts wouldnโt run too far ahead of you.
Sukuna left for work earlier than usual.
He didnโt kiss you goodbye the way he sometimes did when he was in a good mood. He only pressed a hand to the back of your neck, firm, grounding, and said, โDonโt open the door for anyone you donโt know.โ You nodded quickly. โI wonโt.โ
His eyes lingered on youโsharp, possessiveโthen he left.
The apartment fell quiet.
And when the knock finally came hours later, your heart jumped like youโd been waiting with your ear pressed to the world.
You hurried toward the door, smiling before you even turned the knob.
But as your hand reached for it, you noticed something new.
A small camera mounted beside the frame.
A doorbell camera.
It hadnโt been there yesterday.
Your smile froze for half a second.
Then you heard your fatherโs voice faintly through the door, and the warmth returnedโyour body choosing comfort over dread.
You opened it.
Your parents stood there holding bags of food, smelling like warm rice and broth and something fried and comforting. Hiro was beside them, hands shoved in his pockets, shoulders tense.
Your motherโs face lit up when she saw you.
โOh, sweetheart,โ she breathed, smiling wide. โHi.โ
You grinned back, bright and genuine, and stepped forward into her arms. She hugged you carefully, like she was hugging both you and the baby.
Your father hugged you next, palm warm on your shoulder, and you felt him glance past you toward the inside of the apartment.
Then his eyes slid to the camera again.
You felt the moment he understood.
He didnโt say anything, but you saw it in the small tightening around his mouthโthe professorโs mind filing the detail away.
Heโs watching.
Heโs tracking.
Heโs prepared.
Hiro glanced at the camera too, and his jaw clenched.
You stepped back, forcing lightness into your voice. โCome in,โ you said softly. โIโm glad youโre here.โ
They entered, bags rustling, shoes slipping off near the door. Your motherโs eyes swept the apartment with careful appreciationโshe made a point of saying, โItโs cozy today,โ even if she didnโt like the feeling of it. Even if she could sense, the way mothers did, that the walls might be soft but the rules were not.
Your father set the food down on the table with quiet competence. Hiro helped without speaking much, unfolding containers, setting out chopsticks, opening drinks. No one mentioned Sukuna at first.
It was almost tender, the way they avoided his name like it might poison the air.
You all sat togetherโjust you and your family, the kitchen table crowded with takeout, the apartment filled with the gentle noise of people trying to pretend everything was normal.
Your mother watched you eat like it was proof of life. โAre you keeping food down?โ she asked softly.
You nodded, chewing carefully. โMost of the time. It comes and goes.โ
Your father asked about your vitamins. Your mother asked if you were sleeping. They asked about your cravings today, and you admittedโblushingโthat ice cream still sounded like heaven.
It was warm for a moment.
Then Hiroโs gaze flicked toward the door.
Toward the camera.
Toward the invisible presence of Sukuna even when he wasnโt there.
Hiroโs fork tapped against his container too hard.
Your mother shot him a look.
A quiet warning.
Not too loud.
Not too harsh.
Donโt upset her.
Hiro exhaled through his nose, trying to swallow his anger the way your father had learned to, the way your mother had learned toโslow, careful, strategic.
But it didnโt fully fit in his throat.
He looked at you, voice low. โYou know this isnโt okay, right?โ Your stomach tightened.
Your motherโs hand stilled mid-motion.
Your fatherโs gaze sharpened, but he stayed calm.
You swallowed. โWhatโโ Hiro started ranting lightly, like he was trying to hold himself back with both hands.
โHe took you,โ Hiro said, voice shaking with restraint. โOut of a locked facility. Out of the country. Without consentโdonโt look at me like that, you know what I meanโwithout legal consent. You didnโt sign anything, you didnโtโโ He broke off, jaw clenched, then forced his tone softer. โIโm trying not to stress you out.โ Your mother murmured, โHiroโฆโ
But he kept going, gaze bright with a protective fury that had nowhere to go for years.
โWe can hire another lawyer,โ he said, leaning forward. โA better one. One who actually understands international law, mental health lawโeverything. We can fight this. We can say you were kidnapped. Technically, you were.โ
Your breath caught.
โK-kidnapped?โ you repeated, the word sounding too sharp in your mouth, too ugly for the quiet table.
Your father spoke carefully, voice calm. โHiroโโ
โNo,โ Hiro cut in, then softened immediately, like he remembered you were fragile, remembered you were holding new life inside you. โIโm sorry. Iโm not trying to scare you. Iโm trying to help.โ He swallowed hard. โYouโre pregnant. Youโre doing better. Youโre not hurting yourself. Youโre not in solitary. Maybeโฆ maybe they wonโt send you back.โ
Your motherโs lips parted, eyes glossy. She looked like she wanted to believe it so badly it hurt.
Hiro continued, quieter now. โMaybe they can make an exception becauseโฆ because youโre technically a victim here too. If he took you and you didnโt understandโif you werenโt in a place to consentโthenโโ
Your vision blurred.
Not from tears yet, but from the way your mind tried to protect itself by going foggy, like it had learned long ago how to survive bad conversations.
Your hands drifted to your belly.
A steadying touch.
Your mother leaned closer, voice soft as petals. โSweetheart,โ she murmured, โweโre not saying youโre doing anything wrong. Weโre justโฆ weโre worried.โ
Your father nodded, gentle. โWe want you safe. Thatโs all.โ
Hiroโs eyes were wide, intense. โYou can be safe with us,โ he whispered. โYou can come home. Orโif not homeโsomewhere else. Somewhere that isnโtโฆ him.โ
Your throat tightened.
And there it was.
Sukunaโs name without being spoken.
Sukunaโs shadow laid across your table like a hand.
You stared at your familyโat your mother trying to look calm, at your father measuring every word, at Hiro vibrating with anger and fearโand your chest filled with a strange, aching conflict.
Because you wanted them.
Because you missed them.
Because the idea of being โrescuedโ sounded like being locked up again.
And because, even if it frightened you to admit it, there was a part of you that didnโt want to be taken from Sukuna.
Not when you were finally feeling wanted.
Not when your babyโs future felt tangled with his presence.
You swallowed hard, voice soft. โIf I go back,โ you whispered, โtheyโll put me in the ward again.โ Your motherโs eyes filled. โNot necessarilyโโ Hiro shook his head. โNot if we do this right.โ
Your father leaned forward, voice careful. โWe need to think logically. Slowly. There are options.โ
Options.
The word made you dizzy.
Because options meant choices and youโd never been allowed to make those.
Your breath came shallow.
You forced yourself to speak gently, like you were soothing everyone at onceโincluding yourself.
โIโmโฆ okay right now,โ you whispered. โPlease donโtโฆ please donโt make it loud.โ Your motherโs face softened instantly, nodding. โOkay. Okay, sweetheart.โ
Hiroโs shoulders sagged, frustration still burning behind his eyes. He looked like he wanted to grab your hand and pull you out the door anyway.
But he didnโt.
Because he loved you.
Because he was trying.
Your father reached across the table and covered your hand briefly, warm and steady.
โWe wonโt push,โ he promised softly. โWe just want you to know youโre not trapped. Not if you donโt want to be.โ
Your heart thudded.
Outside, the city kept moving.
Inside, the little camera by the door waitedโsilent and unblinkingโ And somewhere in the distance, beyond this table, Sukuna existed like a returning storm.
After they left, the apartment didnโt feel bigger.
It felt hollow.
The air still carried the smell of takeoutโginger, broth, oilโlike the ghost of a normal family lunch clung stubbornly to the walls. The table was cleared, the containers rinsed and stacked, the last paper napkins folded and thrown away. Your mother had hugged you twice at the door, your father once, and HiroโHiro had lingered, staring at you like he wanted to memorize your face in case it was the last time he was allowed to.
Then they were gone.
And the door shut.
And the quiet returned, thick as wool.
You wandered the apartment with no real reason to move, touching the back of the couch, the edge of the counter, the baby onesie your mother had broughtโfolded carefully in a drawer like it was too sacred for sunlight. You found yourself standing by the front door for a moment, staring at it, thinking of the camera outside.
The little unblinking eye.
The reminder that even when you were alone, you werenโt fully unseen.
When the lock finally clicked hours later and Sukuna stepped inside, the sound of him entering filled every corner. He brought the outside with himโcold air, street noise, the faint metal-and-sweat scent of work. He shut the door behind him with that same firm finality he did everything with, and his gaze immediately found you.
As if heโd been tugging an invisible string all day and had only just reeled you back in.
You moved toward him automatically.
Habit. Relief. Fear. Love. It was hard to tell where one ended and the next began.
You rose on your toes and kissed his cheek. โHi,โ you whispered, soft. โHow was your day?โ
Sukunaโs hand slid to your waist. He didnโt answer right awayโhe just pulled you closer, kissed you back, mouth lingering like he needed to taste proof you were still here. Then he guided you to the couch and sat, tugging you down onto his lap as if the act of holding you was the only thing that made the room make sense.
His lips found yours again, slow and claiming.
โI was worried,โ he murmured against your mouth. โAll day.โ You let out a small laugh, nervous, trying to keep the mood light. โI was fine.โ
His eyes narrowed slightly. He kissed your cheek again, then your jaw, then murmured, โWere you.โ You swallowed and tried to smile.
And then it slipped outโbecause it had been sitting in your chest like a pebble you couldnโt stop turning over.
โWell,โ you said quietly, โyou should know I was fineโฆ since you decided to put a camera outside the front door.โ
Sukuna went still beneath you.
Not fullyโhe never froze completelyโbut something in his posture tightened like a wire pulled taut. His mouth flattened into a line, and you felt the temperature in the room shift.
He scoffed. โSo you noticed.โ You nodded once, heart thumping. โIt wasnโt there yesterday.โ
His hand on your waist tightened slightlyโnot painful, but possessive.
โI put it up,โ he said, voice flat. โSo I know youโre safe.โ Your laugh died in your throat. โSafe,โ you repeated softly.
Sukunaโs eyes sharpened. โDonโt start.โ You swallowed. The kindness-voice in your head tried to soothe youโjust agree, just keep him calm, itโs easierโbut something else rose beneath it, something thin and trembling that had been growing since the day you saw that camera.
Something that wanted air.
You forced yourself to speak anyway. โYou didnโt put it up for safety,โ you whispered.
Sukunaโs jaw clenched. โYes, I did.โ You shook your head slowly. โYou put it up so youโd know if I left.โ
His eyes narrowed further, irritation flickering. โIf you leave the house, I want to know. Thatโs normal.โ
โNormal,โ you echoed, the word tasting strange.
He shifted as if to stand, and you slid off his lap automatically, stepping back. Your hands were shaking. You hated that they always shook when you tried to speak like a person instead of a doll.
Sukuna stood too, towering, shoulders broad, the room suddenly feeling smaller with him upright.
โIโm making sure youโre safe,โ he said again, harsher now. โIn case you leave. In case something happens.โ
You blinked fast.
Tears rose before you could stop them, hot and humiliating, gathering at your lash line like theyโd been waiting for permission.
โYou donโt trust me,โ you whispered.
His eyes snapped to yours. โI donโt trust your family.โ You shook your head harder, tears spilling now. โNo,โ you said, voice breaking. โNo. You donโt trust me.โ His nostrils flared. โDonโt twist it.โ
โIโm not twisting anything,โ you sobbed softly, the words coming out in pieces. โIโve beenโฆ Iโve been obedient. I do everything you ask. I stay here. I cook. I clean. I donโt go anywhere. I donโtโโ your breath hitched, and your palm pressed to your belly like it could keep you from falling apart. โAnd you still watch me like Iโmโฆ like Iโm waiting to betray you.โ
Sukunaโs gaze cut through you, sharp as glass.
You wiped at your cheeks, but the tears kept coming. โYou took me from the ward,โ you whispered, voice trembling. โI didnโt ask you to. I didnโtโโ your throat clenched, words catching on pain. โI donโt even know what I did wrong to be treated like Iโm conspiring against you.โ
Sukuna took a step forward.
Your body reacted before your mind could reason.
When he reached for you, you flinched.
It wasnโt dramatic. It was instinct.
A recoil so small you could have pretended it didnโt happenโif his eyes hadnโt seen everything.
You shook your head, backing up a half step, tears dripping off your chin. โNo,โ you whispered. โNo, please. I donโt want you hurting me again.โ
The sentence fell into the room like a dropped glass.
Shattering.
For a second, Sukunaโs face changed.
His eyes widenedโbrief, sharp surpriseโlike youโd slapped him with a truth he didnโt want reflected back. Then the surprise curdled into something darker.
A snarl.
โHurting you,โ he repeated low, dangerous, as if the words offended him.
You trembled, hands lifting in a weak, defensive motion that made you feel even smaller.
Sukuna stormed forward.
The space between you disappeared too quicklyโhis hands were on you, lifting you up off the ground with brutal ease. Your feet left the floor, your gasp catching in your throat.
โSukunaโ!โ you cried, panic flaring so fast it made your vision blur.
You began pounding at his back, fists weak against muscle, tears spilling as you writhed in his grip. โStopโpleaseโpleaseโโ
He didnโt listen.
He carried you to the bedroom like you weighed nothing, like your fear was just noise, like your pleading was wind. The door slid open, and he set you on the bedโnot gently, not violently enough to bruise, but with a force that said stay.
You scrambled backward instinctively, heart racing.
Sukuna stepped back from the bed, chest rising and falling, eyes burning.
Then he pointed at you.
A sharp, cutting gesture, like you were being scolded. Like you were being sentenced.
โYouโre staying in here,โ he said, voice tight with anger. โI donโt want to speak to you right now.โ You stared at him, breathing hard, cheeks wet, body trembling.
Sukunaโs jaw flexed as if he was biting down on restraint. โYouโre worked up,โ he continued, gaze cold, authoritativeโlike he was the doctor and you were the patient again. โYouโre being delusional.โ
The word struck deep.
Delusional.
A label.
A weapon.
You shook your head, tears slipping silently as your throat tightened so hard you could barely breathe. โIโm notโโ you whispered, but your voice was thin, fragile, easy to ignore.
Sukunaโs eyes narrowed like he didnโt want to hear it.
โStay,โ he snapped again, then turned toward the door like the conversation was finished, like your tears were just evidence of your illness and not evidence of his cruelty.
And as the bedroom door slid toward closing, you sat frozen on the bed, hands shaking over your belly, listening to your own heartbeat thunder in your earsโtrying to remember what it felt like to be trusted, trying to remember what it felt like to be safe without permission.
Morning came like a bruise.
Gray light seeped through the curtains, dull and quiet, and for a few seconds you didnโt remember why your chest felt tightโwhy your body stayed rigid even in bed, why the air tasted like fear.
Then you heard him move.
The soft scrape of fabric. The weight of footsteps.
And your nerves snapped awake before your mind did.
Sukuna leaned over the futon, shadow falling across you. โGet up,โ he said, voice low, controlled. โDoctorโs appointment.โ
Your eyes opened.
Your body flinched.
Not because heโd touched youโhe hadnโt yetโbut because your skin remembered the last time heโd lifted you like you were an object he could relocate at will. Your heart started hammering immediately, hot and panicked.
Sukunaโs gaze flicked over your face, catching the reaction.
His jaw flexed once. โDonโt,โ he muttered, like your fear offended him.
You sat up slowly, keeping your movements small, careful. Your palms were damp. Your throat felt swollen, like it did when youโd cried too much the night before.
He usually helped you dressโusually hovered, tugged, chose, correctedโlike your body was a project he managed.
This time, you grabbed your clothes yourself.
โIโm fine,โ you said quietly.
Sukunaโs brow twitched. โI didnโt ask.โ
You didnโt look at him when you stood. You focused on the small thingsโthe fabric in your hands, the way your sweater fell over your belly, the rhythm of breathing in and out. You moved toward the bathroom.
Sukuna followed to the doorway, leaning there like a locked gate.
โI canโโ he started. โNo,โ you said softly, not loud, not defiantโjust final.
You heard the sharp exhale he forced through his nose.
A scoff. Irritated. Dismissive. Too calm to be safe. โDo whatever you want,โ he muttered.
But the words didnโt sound like permission.
They sounded like a warning with a pretty mask.
By the time you came out, he had his shoes on already, posture tight, restless energy snapping under his skin. He didnโt speak much as you both left. He walked close enough that you could feel his heat, but he didnโt touch you.
Not yet.
Outside, the city looked bright and indifferent. People passed with coffee cups, chatter, grocery bagsโlife moving like it didnโt know what a cage felt like.
A taxi pulled up. Sukuna opened the door and guided you in with a hand hovering near your back, not quite touching, like he didnโt know what to do with the fact that you didnโt want him to.
The ride to the clinic was quiet.
You stared out the window.
Sukuna sat beside you, knee bouncing, fingers tapping once on his thigh, then stopping, then starting again. His gaze never stopped checking youโyour hands, your face, the way your mouth stayed closed.
At a red light, he reached for your hand.
His fingers brushed your knuckles.
Your body reacted before your mind could talk you into politeness.
You pulled your hand away.
Sukuna went very still.
Thenโslowlyโhis hand curled into a fist on his own knee.
His jaw tightened.
You kept your eyes forward, pretending you hadnโt seen the way his irritation rose like a tide.
The clinic smelled like disinfectant and soft soap. The waiting room was full of quietโpregnant women in loose sweaters, couples leaning together, hands on bellies, gentle murmurs. A kind of normal you almost couldnโt bear to look at.
When your name was called, Sukuna stood immediately. Too fast. Too sharp. As if heโd been waiting to seize control of motion.
You followed the nurse back.
Dr. Lin greeted you with a smile that felt genuinely warmโgentle eyes, calm voice, the kind of doctor who didnโt rush, who made room for nervousness.
โFifteen weeks,โ she said as she checked your chart. โHow are we feeling?โ You opened your mouth, but the answer tangled up inside you.
You were tired. You were nauseous sometimes. You were scared. You wereโฆ everything.
The nurse wrapped the cuff around your arm. It tightened, squeezed, released.
Dr. Lin glanced at the numbers.
Then her expression changedโsubtle, but serious.
โYour blood pressure is high today,โ she said gently. โHigher than Iโd like.โ Sukunaโs head snapped up. โWhat?โ Dr. Lin remained calm. โHigh blood pressure can happen, but stress plays a big role too. And your body looksโฆ tense.โ
You swallowed. Your throat felt raw.
Dr. Lin sat down across from you, voice softening further. โI want to ask a few questions, okay? Is there something going on thatโs been causing you stress lately? Is the pregnancy feeling overwhelming? Are you sleeping?โ
You felt Sukunaโs presence beside you like a wall.
You could feel his stare on your face.
The air between you all was thick, waiting.
You tried to answer carefullyโtried to keep it safe.
But something cracked.
Maybe it was the way Dr. Linโs voice didnโt sound like a judge. Maybe it was the way she said stress like it wasnโt a moral failure. Maybe it was the way your body had been holding fear for too long and needed somewhere to set it down.
You blurted, quietly but clearly, โSukuna is stressful.โ
Silence.
Sukuna froze so hard it looked like his muscles turned to stone.
Dr. Lin blinked once, thenโvery gentlyโlet out a small chuckle, like she was trying to soften the sharpness of what youโd said without dismissing it.
โAh,โ she said kindly, nodding. โSometimes spousesโespecially first-time fathersโcan be intense. Overprotective. It can come from love, but it can still create stress for the mother.โ
Sukunaโs eyes were on you now, unwavering.
You stared at your hands, fingers twisting together.
Dr. Lin turned her gaze toward Sukuna with professional warmth. โPregnancy is a beautiful experience for many women,โ she said, still gentle but firm. โAnd it can help when partners allow room for her to breathe, to feel in control of her own body, her own choices. Support is important, but so is flow.โ
Sukunaโs jaw worked like he was grinding the words into dust.
Dr. Lin continued, โSince your blood pressure is elevated, Iโd like to recommend something. Thereโs a prenatal class nearbyโjust other pregnant women. A supportive group. It can lower stress, help with anxiety, help you build community.โ
Your chest lifted.
The idea of other womenโother voices, other softness, something not measured by Sukunaโs moodโfelt like light through a crack in a door.
You nodded quickly. โI would like that.โ
Sukuna made a sound in the back of his throatโnot quite a scoff, not quite agreement.
Dr. Lin smiled at you. โGood.โ
Then she looked at Sukuna again, calm and unwavering. โI can give you the information.โ
Sukunaโs mouth tightened. His eyes stayed on Dr. Lin, but his anger looked like it had nowhere safe to go. โGive it to me,โ he said flatly.
Dr. Lin didnโt flinch. She nodded, reaching for a pamphlet and a small card with details.
As she wrote something down, her voice stayed warm but clear. โThis is for her health,โ she reminded him. โAnd for the baby.โ
Sukunaโs hand took the paper.
His grip was too tight.
You watched the pamphlet bend slightly between his fingers, like even paper had to survive him.
And while Dr. Lin moved on to the rest of the appointmentโlistening to the baby, checking your belly, speaking in calm instructionsโyou sat there with your heart still racing, thinking:
I said it out loud.
I named it.
And somewhere behind that thought, another one rose, quiet and dangerous in its hope:
Maybe I can have a life outside him.
Even if it was only a class.
Even if it was only one hour in a room where no one called you fragile like it was a chain.
The taxi ride home felt longer than it shouldโve.
Not because the streets were tangled, not because the city dragged its feetโbecause Sukunaโs silence weighed too much. It sat between you like a third body, heavy and breathing, and every time you shifted, you felt it watching you.
He didnโt speak when you stepped out onto the sidewalk. He didnโt speak when you climbed the stairs. He didnโt speak when he unlocked the door.
The apartment swallowed you both in that familiar hushโtatami scent, clean soap, the faint sweetness of your laundryโlike it didnโt know a storm had just walked through the threshold.
Sukuna shut the door harder than necessary.
The lock clicked.
Then his hand movedโsharp, impatientโand he threw the pamphlet and the little card onto the table beside the front door like theyโd offended him simply by existing.
Paper slapped wood.
The sound made you flinch.
โWhat the fuck is wrong with you?โ he asked.
It wasnโt loud at first.
It was worse than loud.
It was controlled.
The kind of voice that promised he had already decided you were guilty and now he was simply choosing which knife to use.
You touched your belly without thinkingโpalm smoothing the curve as if you could calm your body from the inside. Your throat tightened. Your eyes burned. You didnโt want to cry again. You were tired of tears. Tired of being an open wound in your own home.
You looked away from him.
And you started walking toward the bedroom.
Behind you, his footsteps hit the floor fasterโhe hated being ignored the way a fire hated water. โDonโt walk away from me,โ Sukuna snapped.
You didnโt answer.
You didnโt trust your voice to come out gentle.
And you were so tired of gentle.
His hand caught your arm.
Not enough to break itโenough to claim it.
He yanked you back to face him.
The motion rocked your body, and fear flashed hot and sharp, but something else flared tooโsomething furious and desperate, something that had been gagged for years.
You ripped your arm out of his grip so hard it stung. โDonโt touch me!โ you cried, voice cracking.
His eyes narrowed, and his hand twitched like he wanted to grab you again.
You stepped back.
Your breath came in ragged bursts.
And then it happenedโlike a door inside you kicked open.
You screamed, raw and shaking, โFuck you!โ
The words hit him like a gunshot.
Sukunaโs whole face changed.
He stared at you, stunnedโlike he couldnโt believe the sweetness heโd collected could grow teeth.
For a heartbeat, neither of you moved.
Then your tears spilled anyway, hot and relentless, but your voice didnโt soften with them. If anything, it sharpenedโbecause the truth was finally falling out of you, and you couldnโt catch it fast enough.
โYou donโt love me!โ you sobbed. โYou never loved meโโ Sukunaโs jaw clenched. โStopโโ
โNo!โ you shouted over him, voice breaking at the edges. โYouโre mentally ill and youโre obsessed with me because Iโm a fucking freak!โ
His expression flickeredโanger, disbelief, something wounded beneath it.
You kept going, the words spilling like blood you didnโt know youโd been carrying.
โI was just a young girl,โ you cried, shaking hard, โwho went into solitary at twenty-one for ripping a womanโs eyes outโโ Your throat tightened, your voice shredding, but you forced it out anyway. โAnd you saw me and you thought I was interesting. You thought I was someโฆ some puzzle you could pick up and turn over in your handsโredo, put together, mold into what you wanted!โ
Sukuna took a step toward you.
You took a step back, eyes wild, tears streaming.
โYou think Iโm weak!โ you choked. โFragile. Like Iโm glass. Like Iโm something you have to keep locked away so you can call it protection instead of what it really is!โ
His nostrils flared. โI protected youโโ
โYou controlled me!โ you screamed, voice echoing off the walls. โYou control me because youโre terrifiedโbecause your mother left you and your father beat you and now youโre projecting your pain onto me!โ
The room went deathly still.
Sukunaโs eyes widened, just slightly.
You watched the words hit something deep in himโsomething he kept buried under arrogance and violence and pride.
But you werenโt done.
Your chest heaved. You pressed your hand to your belly again, like the baby could hold you upright. Your voice dropped lower, shaking with hurt.
โYou think Iโll leave you too,โ you whispered, crying so hard your face ached. โYou think if you loosen your grip for one second, Iโll disappear.โ
Sukunaโs mouth parted like he wanted to deny it.
No sound came.
You sobbed and wiped your face with the back of your hand, voice rising again, breaking open with the cruelest honesty.
โBut I didnโt want to leave you,โ you said, voice trembling. โEven when my brother told me to. Even when he looked at me and begged me to come backโโ Your breath hitched. โI told them I didnโt want to. I told them I wanted to stay right here.โ
You stared at him through tears, chest heaving.
โI love you,โ you whispered, and it sounded like a confession and a curse. โSo why do you treat me like Iโm plotting against you? Why do you watch me like Iโm a criminal in my own home? Why do youโโ
Your voice cracked.
You swallowed the sob that tried to swallow you first.
Sukuna stood there like heโd been carved out of stone.
But stone didnโt tremble.
His shoulders tightened, then loosenedโlike something inside him shifted, like his body didnโt know whether to strike or break. His eyes stayed locked on yours, and in that crimson glare, you saw it:
Not just rage.
Not just pride.
Something small.
Something terrified.
His eyes welled with tears so quietly he didnโt notice them at firstโlike his body betrayed him before his mind could clamp down.
A single tear gathered at the edge of his lash line.
He blinked.
It slid down anyway.
And in that momentโjust a breath, just a crack in the armorโyou saw the boy heโd been before he learned cruelty was safer than need.
Abandoned.
Beaten.
Left behind.
Sukunaโs lips parted, and his voice came out rough, almost broken with the effort of holding himself together. โโฆDonโt,โ he muttered, like the word could undo what youโd said.
But your truth was already in the room.
It had nowhere to go.
It hung between you like smoke after a fireโstinging, undeniable, impossible to pretend you hadnโt breathed it in.
Sukuna stepped toward you.
You stepped back.
Again.
Your body kept choosing distance the way lungs chose airโinstinctive, necessary, not up for debate. Your back met the edge of the hallway wall, and for a second you felt trapped by the geometry of the apartmentโhow quickly a room could turn into a corner. โDonโt,โ you whispered, voice shaking.
Sukunaโs hand lifted slightly, like he wanted to touch you and didnโt know where. Like he wanted to fix something with force because that was the only language heโd ever been fluent in.
You shook your head harder, tears still clinging to your lashes. โNo,โ you said. โNo, Sukuna. I canโt do this.โ His eyes widened.
You pressed your palm to your belly like you needed a boundary, a shield, a reminder of why you had to be brave right now.
โI will go back to Japan,โ you said, voice cracking on the words. โI will leave you alone. Iโll do it. Iโll go back, and Iโllโฆ Iโll take whatever they give me. I refuse to live in a home where Iโm not lovedโonly controlled.โ
Something in Sukunaโs face broke.
Not crackedโbroke.
His breath hitched, harsh and uneven. His chest rose and fell too fast, as if the air had become too thin to breathe properly. His eyes fluttered shut like he could stop the scene from happening if he didnโt look at it, then snapped open againโblurred now, wet, frantic.
โNo,โ he said, hoarse.
Then again, louder, like repetition could rewrite reality.
โNoโno.โ He stumbled forward a half step, then stopped as if heโd remembered your flinch, as if the memory of you recoiling had finally reached him like an arrow.
And then his knees hit the floor.
The sound was dull, heavy.
A man like him shouldnโt have looked like thatโtoo big, too sharp, too proudโyet there he was, dropping to the ground like his bones had turned to water.
He wrapped his arms around your waist.
Not hard. Not to restrain you.
To hold on.
His forehead pressed to your belly, his breath hot against your sweater, and the way his shoulders shook startled you more than his anger ever did.
โIโm sorry,โ he rasped.
The words sounded wrong in his mouthโlike they didnโt belong there, like theyโd been stolen from someone kinder.
โIโm sorry,โ he said again, voice cracking. โI wonโt do it again. I wonโtโโ You stood rigid, trembling, hands hovering at your sides, uncertain. Fear still flickered in your chest like a trapped bird.
Sukuna clutched you like you were the only stable thing left in the world.
โIโll do something,โ he choked, breath stuttering. โIโll take it off. The cameraโ Iโll take it off. Iโll take it off today.โ His words came faster now, tumbling over each other. โIโll let you leave the house when you want. When you wantโwhen you askโwhen you donโt even askโโ
He stopped mid-sentence, swallowing hard.
His grip tightened for a second like he could feel himself losing you already.
Then his voice dropped, raw with something that sounded like desperation stripped bare.
โIโll take medicine,โ he said, like a confession. Like a vow. โI will. I will take it. Justโโ His throat worked. โJust please donโt leave me.โ
Your heart thudded painfully.
Sukunaโs face was buried against you, but you could feel itโhis tears dampening fabric, his breath shaking, his hands trembling around your waist.
โI love you,โ he whispered, like he was saying it into your skin because he didnโt trust the air not to steal it. โI love you medicated and not medicated. I love you when youโre sweet and when youโre screaming. I love you when youโre scared of meโโ His voice broke. โPlease. Donโt leave me.โ
He didnโt seem to realize he was sobbing.
He didnโt seem to notice the way his whole body shook with it, violent and helpless, the way his pride lay somewhere on the floor beside him like a discarded coat.
It wasnโt Sukuna the predator kneeling there.
It was Sukuna the childโknees bruised, stomach hollow, begging a mother-shaped absence not to happen again.
You stared down at him, shaking so hard your teeth almost chattered.
The kinder voice in your head whispered something softโheโs hurting, heโs afraid, heโs humanโand the truth-voice whispered backโhurt people still hurt people.
Your hands lifted slowly.
Carefully.
Like approaching a wounded animal.
You placed one hand on his cheek.
His skin was hot, flushed. Tears clung to his lashes. He looked up just enough for you to see his eyesโcrimson gone glassy, frantic, searching.
You wiped his tears with your thumb.
He shuddered like the touch broke him further.
Your own tears fell again, but quieter now, heavy and tired. โIโm so scared,โ you whispered.
His grip tightenedโpleading.
You swallowed, voice trembling, and pressed your palm gently to his cheek again, grounding him the way he always claimed he grounded you.
โI donโt want to be a prisoner anymore,โ you said, the words coming out like a prayer youโd been afraid to speak. โAndโฆ I know you donโt either.โ
Sukunaโs face crumpled.
He nodded against you, choking on a sob, holding on like if he let go youโd vanishโlike if he loosened his hands, the whole world would leave him the way it always had.
And you stood there, shaking, one hand on his cheek, the other hovering protectively over your belly, caught between mercy and survivalโtrying to decide whether love could ever be something that didnโt require permission.
i wanted to fight myself when writing this chapter
well look at that, my horniness took the better of me, so hereโs the result
I bite back
Yautja x Reader / Yautja x Human female
Rating: 18+ mdni
Read: Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5
โWhen is this going to end?โ you murmured, gently tapping your forehead against the cold glass of the chamber that held you.
โYou keep feeding me. Giving me water. What do you want?โ you asked again, your voice low, tired.
It was strange. You were aboard a spaceshipโheld captive when youโd expected to die the instant you locked eyes with the creature that had taken you.
At first, you fought. You cried. You screamed. You pounded your fists against the reinforced glass until your hands ached.
You had been so much fiercer in the beginning.
Now? You were numb. Almost bored.
Days blurred together, each marked only by meals of unfamiliar but oddly palatable fruits and endless silence from your captor.
The questions haunted you: Why did it take me? Where are we going? What does it want?
Fear had long since faded into fatigue. You were too tired to be terrified anymore.
In truth, some days, you thought you wouldโve preferred death over this drawn-out uncertainty.
But thenโฆ something changed.
One day, the alien stumbled into the ship, and you froze.
It was wounded.
A deep gash ran down its arm, green bloodโneon and thickโoozing from the torn flesh. The limb hung at an unnatural angle, barely attached.
You watched, breath caught in your throat, as it clumsily moved through the ship, almost forgetting your presence entirely.
It collapsed onto a pile of thick rugs, panting, trembling.
You observed behind the glass, transfixed.
It was the first time youโd seen it in pain. The first time it lookedโฆ vulnerable.
Maybe, just maybe, this was your chance.
It stitched itself with crude but efficient movements, applying strange, iridescent substances you couldnโt identify. It let out a low, guttural soundโhalf a roar, half a groanโand then lay still.
You sat down, quietly, eyes on its shifting, unsteady breath as it twisted in discomfort.
It wasnโt out for long.
Minutes later, it stirred abruptly, eyes opening wide with a sharp inhale.
Then it disappeared and returned shortly, holding a tray of those strange fruits youโd been living off of.
As always, it slid open the small hatch of your chamber and pushed the tray inside.
But this time, you moved.
You reached out, quickly, instinctively and grabbed its wrist.
It froze.
For once, it didnโt pull away. Maybe it couldnโt. The wound had slowed it down.
But stillโฆ it let you touch it.
Your hand trembled slightly as your fingers wrapped around the rough, scaly texture of its skin. It was cold. Not quite like a reptile, but close. Unfamiliar. Alien.
You didnโt expect it to go this far, that it would allow contact.
You swallowed hard.
โAre youโฆ hurt?โ you asked, barely above a whisper.
No response.
โI saw you. You collapsed.โ
A pause.
โLet me help you.โ
You didnโt know what you could do. You had no training, not even with human medicine, let alone whatever this was. But the words came anyway.
โYouโve been feeding me. Taking care of me. Let me return the favor.โ
Still, it said nothing. But it didnโt move either.
Maybe it was trying to understand your intentโmeasuring the risk.
Then, slowly, it shifted its hand beneath yours.
Your fingers slid over its palm as it moved. Coarse. Cold.
You repressed a shiver.
The creature took a step back, eyeing you carefully. You were still kneeling, looking small, unthreatening.
You knew how you looked to it. Fragile. Weak. But that was the point.
You wanted thisโthis moment. A crack in its guard.
If it trusted you, even a little, maybeโฆ just maybeโฆ you could turn that into a chance.
A way out.
The creature took two ragged, guttural breaths before stepping closer to the chamber. Its clawed finger slid over the padlock in a slow, deliberate motion. With a soft, mechanical click, the door released.
What?
Was that it? Was it really that easy?
Had all it taken was appearing smallโfragileโfor it to trust you?
Before the door had even swung halfway open, you were already slipping through the gap, adrenaline firing through your veins. You moved fast, fueled by a desperate, animal instinct to flee.
But freedom didnโt last more than a breath.
A hand, massive and unrelenting, wrapped around your throat and slammed you back against the cold glass chamber. Your skull hit the surface with a thud, and all the air was gone from your lungs.
Panic overtook you.
The creatureโs clawed fingers squeezed, just enough to restrict your breathing but not crush it entirely. Its grip was so strong, so terrifyingly effortless. The sharp curve of its nails dug into the tender skin at the nape of your neck, pressing hard enough to hurt, to warn.
You clawed at its wrist, nails scraping over its scaled skin, desperate for air.
It didnโt flinch.
Even with blood still dripping from its wounded arm, it held you firm, as though pain meant nothing.
Your feet dangled, your body pinned like prey, caught and immobilized.
It could kill you. Right now. Just one twitch of that wrist and it would all be over.
Your vision blurred at the edges. Your eyes welled from the pressure.
โPleaseโโ you gasped, voice cracked.
The grip loosened, barely.
Air returned in small, painful sips, but the hand remained, keeping you locked in place, back pressed hard to the smooth surface behind you. You coughed, instinctively reaching to support yourself, but the creature didnโt move away.
It leaned in closer, massive frame radiating heat. Its head dipped low, its strange mandibles brushing your cheek. Its breath, hot and coarse, ghosted along your skin, and then came the sound.
A low, rumbling growl vibrated from deep within its chest. Not quite a purr. Not quite a snarl. Something primal.
It grew louder, reverberating in your ears and against your ribs, until it cut off sharply.
Then came the voiceโฆ deep, guttural, foreignโฆ but unmistakably clear.
โIf you try to escape again, I wonโt hesitate.โ
He didnโt say what he would do. He didnโt need to.
You nodded quicklyโyes, yes, you understood.
You were no threat. Not now. Not yet.
Slowly, his grip slackened, and you dropped to the floor in a heap, gasping, fingers clawing at your throat as your lungs fought for air.
You looked up at him.
He towered over you, chest rising and falling rapidly. The wound on his arm had reopened, neon blood dripping down in thick lines, staining the floor.
Even in pain, even with one arm nearly uselessโฆ he was still dominant. Still terrifying.
And yetโฆ
You saw it. Something behind the rage, the instinct, the brute force. He was hurting. Breathing heavily. Off-balance. Vulnerableโฆ in his own way.
This was dangerous. All of it. You knew that.
You rose to your feetโslowly. Carefully.
Every movement was cautious, as if one sudden gesture might awaken some dormant, primal instinct in him.
You kept still once upright, eyes locked on the heaving rise and fall of his chest. The green blood still poured from his arm, trailing in slow rivulets down his thick, scaled skin. It was grotesque and oddly beautiful. Like art painted in pain.
You had never seen anything like him before.
You swallowed the lump in your throat and spoke, your voice soft and unsure.
โTell me how to help you.โ
Silence.
He didnโt look at you immediately. Instead, he walked toward the part of the ship where heโd earlier attempted to patch himself up.
You watched him, his steps heavy, his breath audible. With a sharp tilt of his head, the long, rope-like dreadlocks shifted around his shoulders with grace.
He turned, mandibles twitching, the low clicking sound they made vibrating in the air between you like a warning or a signal.
He held something out.
A skin staplerโif you could even call it that. It was massive compared to any human medical tool, mechanical and crude, made for strength over finesse.
Then, without a word, he turned his back to you.
And only then did you see the true damage under the light.
A jagged slash, deep and raw, tore across his back. It wasnโt just bleedingโit was gaping, the green fluid seeping from it in thick, steady drops. You could see sinew beneath. Maybe even bone.
You stifled a gag, covering your mouth briefly before forcing your hand back down. Your stomach churned.
This was worse than you thought.
His back muscles twitched under the strain, contracting with each breath. Even still, he stood tall, tense, waiting.
You had to do this.
You needed his trust. And if earning it meant holding back the bile in your throat and pretending your hands werenโt shaking uncontrollably, then so be it.
Your fingers trembled as you took a step forward. You reached out with your free hand and gently touched his shoulder to steady yourself and him.
He flinched.
His skin was cold, much colder than you expected, and the contrast between your warmth and his body made him shudder. But he didnโt pull away.
โIโm sorry,โ you whispered, before pressing the device to his torn flesh.
You braced yourself, and then pulled the trigger.
The stapler hissed as metal bit into skin.
He grunted, guttural sound rumbling from deep in his chest. His hands slammed down onto the metal table in front of him, claws digging into it, leaving deep gashes in the surface.
You kept going.
Staple. Staple. Staple.
With every burst, his muscles flexed. His arms shook under the pain, and the table beneath him groaned under the pressure of his grip.
But he didnโt move. He didnโt strike out. He simply endured.
By the time you were done, the line of staples snaked clean across his back, sealing the worst of the wound. You stepped back, your hands slick with sweat and blood, the device trembling slightly in your grip.
You had done it.
He leaned against the table, his breaths deep and uneven. You watched his back shift with each inhale as he flexed the stitched muscles, testing the damage, testing your work.
Your hands were still trembling slightly when he turned and took the stapler from your grip.
Then, he faced you.
He didnโt speak. He simply watched.
The kind of stare that made the air feel heavier.
You didnโt know what to say, so you said nothing. But he seemed to be waiting for somethingโanything.
And when you remained still, uncertain, he closed the distance.
His hand reached for your face, fingers curling around your cheeks, thumb and forefinger applying just enough pressure to coax a reaction. You flinched slightly.
โWhat else do you want?โ you asked, voice low and guarded, a frown forming on your face.
But the alien didnโt respond. He merely observed, eyes flicking across your features like he was trying to learn you, maybe even memorize the softness of your skin beneath his clawed fingertips.
His hand left your face, trailing down to your neck, then your shoulder, tracing a path beneath your arm and along your forearm. You shivered involuntarily when his thumb pressed firmly against the underside of your wrist, pinning your pulse.
He felt it.
Your heartbeat.
Unsteady.
And undeniably human.
A low purr resonated from deep within his chest, vibrating through the air like distant thunder. It wasnโt threatening, but it was possessive. Satisfied.
You let him explore you, not out of desire, but out of necessity. Every touch was a test. You didnโt know what he would do next and neither did he, maybe. But still, he touched like someone who had been holding back for too long.
When his hand slipped under your shirt, brushing just below your bellybutton, you stepped back instinctively, muscles tightening.
You couldnโt read his intentions, maybe he didnโt fully understand them either.
โIโmโฆ ticklish,โ you said quickly, a shaky breath escaping as you gently pushed his hand back up to your stomach.
Whether he believed the lie or not, he withdrew, wordlessly. Then, with fluid strength, he turned you around by your shoulders.
His claws traced along your back now, slow,intentional strokes.
Right over the spot that mirrored his own injury.
The gesture didnโt feel like threat.
It felt like recognition.
You bit your lip, steadying yourself when his touch followed the length of your spine. You had to clamp your hand over your mouth when his claws reached the small of your back. A tingling ripple ran across your skin.
He paused there.
Then, nothing.
Just silence.
Until you felt it.
Hot breathโon your neck.
It ghosted over your skin in slow waves. You froze, every instinct inside you telling you not to move.
His mandibles clicked, close to your ear. The sound sent a shiver down your spine, your head turning slightly away, just to escape it.
Thatโs when his grip tightened. Hands holding your shoulders firmly, anchoring you in place.
Donโt move, your mind warned.
Donโt give him a reason to think youโre resisting.
His breath returned, heavier now, brushing over the nape of your neck and then came the sharpness. You hissed softly as you felt the faint sting of his mandibles grazing your skin.
There was moisture.
Not bloodโat least not yours.
Then, a slick warmth dragged slowly over the same spot.
His tongue.
You hadnโt seen it before, but now you knew. It was real, and it was on you.
Testing you.
Tasting you.
You clenched your jaw, holding in the gasp that threatened to escape. The sensation was foreign, unnerving, but strangely cautious. He wasnโt being careless. He was exploring. Reading your reaction. Studying how far he could go.
You were being mapped with his mouth, his claws, his curiosity.
And all you could do was endure it.
You hadnโt expected things to escalate this quicklyโyet they had.
The sensation that bloomed where his mandibles had latched onto your skin again was so alien, so unfamiliar, you could barely contain the noise that threatened to rise in your throat. It wasnโt like anything youโd felt before, stinging, with a strange heat. And thatโs what unsettled you most.
And stillโฆ that same unknown sent a pulse of something dark and electric down your spine.
Your knees trembledโnot just from fear, but from the way your body responded to the contact. Helplessly, shamefully. Your heart threatened to burst out of your chest, as if caught in a tug-of-war between terror andโฆ something else.
Another hiss slipped from between your clenched teeth when his tongue swept along your wounded nape, tasting the blood he had drawn moments before. You could feel the deliberate slowness in the way he licked over the bite, like he was trying to understand youโyour scent, your flavor, your limits. This had to be a test, didnโt it? A threshold he was pushing you toward, waiting to see whether you would flinchโฆ or endure.
If you could survive this, if you could hold your ground, maybe heโd trust you. And if he trusted you, then eventuallyโฆ maybe youโd be free.
Then his hands were on you again, turning you to face him.
His breathing was ragged, strained, his chest rising and falling fast.
His mandibles were slick with crimson, your blood still fresh on him.
You shouldโve recoiled in horror.
But you didnโt.
Instead, your eyes lingered on the tautness in his body, the tension in his shoulders. His gaze bore into you unrelenting and unreadable. Yet there was something unmistakably raw in it. As if he didnโt fully understand what he was doing, only that he needed to.
One clawed hand rose slowly, catching the hem of your shirt and giving it the smallest tug, pulling you closer until you were pressed to him, your face just above the curve of his chest. He was colder than any being youโd ever touchedโฆ and yet somehow, from within, he radiated heat. Like a furnace buried under stone.
Your breath stuttered as you tilted your head up, eyes meeting his.
He studied you the way a predator studies prey, but there was no hunger. Just intensity. Curiosity.
And then, without a word, one long, talon-tipped finger rose to your lips.
You held your breath.
He dragged it gently across your bottom lip, then pressed inward, urging your mouth open, just enough to trace the warmth inside. Your lips parted automatically, breath catching as the cold of his skin met the heat of your tongue. You didnโt even realize youโd made a sound until his chest rumbled in responseโa satisfied purr.
He was testing you again. Learning the intricacies of your body the way someone learns the pressure points on a weapon.
And stillโฆ you didnโt pull away.
โOoman, your heart is racingโฆ yet you donโt seem scared.โ
His guttural voice struck the air like a blade, freezing you where you stood.
Those red eyesโdark and unreadableโpierced you from above. There was something almost gentle in the way he stared, but it was impossible to ignore the sheer force behind his stance.
And he wasnโt wrong.
Your heart was hammering inside your chest like it was trying to escape your ribsโฆ yet you hadnโt ran.
You hadnโt screamed.
He had touched youโbitten youโand you hadnโt moved.
Maybe worseโฆ part of you didnโt want to.
Shame curled hot and thick in your chest, but shame didnโt undo the way your body had reacted. You were only human. You couldnโt control everything. Not when it felt this strangeโฆ this overwhelming.
He pressed his thumb further against your tongue, forcing you to choke slightly, the reflex hitting before you could stifle it. Tears welled up in your eyes from the gag, but even as your vision blurred, he didnโt look away. If anything, his gaze sharpened, his mandibles twitched, and the shimmer in his eyes suggestedโฆ fascination.
He liked that sound. Like he had just discovered a new function in a toy he hadnโt yet finished learning to play with.
โAre you sad, ooman?โ he asked suddenly.
You blinked. That question wasโฆ unexpected. But you realized quickly why he asked it.
He had only ever seen you cry when you begged him to let you go, sobbing behind reinforced glass. You were sad then. Terrified.
But now?
โโฆNo,โ you whispered.
He pulled his thumb from your mouth, glancing at the saliva stretched between his fingers. He examined it with the same curiosity a scientist might give a strange specimen before flicking his gaze back to you.
โThen what do you feel?โ he asked again, this time quieter.
You didnโt know how to answer.
Fear, yes. Curiosity, definitely.
But the heat coiling inside you, the warmth spreading down your spine and pooling between your legsโit wasnโt curiosity alone. It was something deeper. Something primal. Something neither of you seemed able to name.
โIโm not sure,โ you admitted.
And you meant it. The confusion, the contradiction of everything in your body and mind. It was too much to untangle.
But something about your honesty changed him.
He studied you again, slower this time. And then his claws returned, sliding under the hem of your shirt. With one decisive movement, he tore the fabric, the sound ripping through the quiet as you gasped.
Your stomach, exposed now, just below your ribs, was bare beneath his stare. A sharp sound left your lips as he pressed a single claw to your abdomen, not aggressively, but intently.
He was testing you again.
The touch crawled up, just below your chest, and stopped when you tensed, your eyes shut tight in fear andโฆ anticipation. But he didnโt go further.
โWhy is your heart racing again?โ he asked, voice low and impossibly close.
You opened your eyes, meeting his.
โAre you scared, ooman?โ
Your throat tightened. You wanted to lie, to give a simple answer and end this test. But there was no hiding from him.
You nodded. Then, unsureโฆ you shook your head.
His mandibles clicked, clearly confused by your response.
โUse your words,โ he commanded, the demand more like a nudge this time.
Your face burned with shame.
โIโฆ I am scared,โ you whispered. โBut I also feelโฆ hot. Wherever you touch me.โ
You couldnโt meet his gaze anymore, so you looked away, resting your forehead lightly against his chest. Partly to hide, partly because he felt so real.
He was massive. You hadnโt truly registered the sheer scale of him until now.
โDoes it feel good?โ he asked, his voice hoarse, strained. Desperate to understand.
You nodded again.
โSpeak,โ he said, more forcefully now.
โโฆYes.โ
The sound rumbled from deep in his chestโa pleased, almost feral purr that vibrated through his body and into yours.
He liked that answer. All of it. Your hesitation, your embarrassment, your honesty.
And then, without warning, he moved.
In a swift motion, he slid an arm beneath you, gripping you just under your thighs and lifting you into the air like you weighed nothing. A yelp escaped youโstartled, unsteadyโas your hands instinctively wrapped around his neck.
You felt the wetness of his healing wound bleed onto your pants, staining them green. The contact was hot and sticky, and your panic spiked just enough to make your breath hitch.
โWhat are you doing?โ you asked, your voice trembling.
He didnโt answer. Instead, he lowered into a crouch and dropped you onto the pile of thick, ragged furs that covered the floor. The makeshift bedding cushioned your fall, but your body tensed as he loomed above you.
He knelt now, towering yet strangely calm.
The light overhead cast shadows across his skin, accentuating the dark blue hue of his chest. Scars, some old, some fresh, lined his torso, like a war map drawn across his body. He didnโt speak, didnโt gesture. He simply presented himself.
And you stared, drawn in despite yourself.
He didnโt wait for your permission this time. His hand grabbed your wrist firmly and brought it to his chest.
You hesitated.
Thenโฆ slowly, he let you explore.
Your fingers traced the hard lines of his muscles, the roughness of scarring, the slickness of partially healed wounds. He made a noise, deep and choked, when you grazed one of the fresh cuts.
Your eyes drifted up to his dreadlocks, long and heavy, brushing over his chest like strands of ink.
Hesitantly, you reached for one, curious now. You wrapped your fingers around it, stroking once, then again, before giving it a light squeeze.
Thatโs when it happened.
His entire body jolted, his muscles seizing as though youโd flipped a hidden switch. He collapsed forward slightly, one fist hitting the ground to steady himself, breath tearing from his chest in ragged bursts.
Your eyes widened.
Whatever those wereโฆ they werenโt just hair.
You let go immediately, crawling back into the furred rugs as he struggled to regain composure.
You didnโt speak. You didnโt move.
But your mind raced.
What was he?
And what had you just done?
You thought, for one breathless moment, that maybe this was your chance.
Maybe that flicker of weakness, his body buckling from your touch, meant you could shift the balance. Regain some control. Use it against him.
But that illusion vanished the instant he caught his breath.
He looked up at you with a low inhale and you saw it. The shift. The hunger. The intent.
Like a predator fixing its gaze on something it knew it could catch.
You stared, uncertain whether to brace or beg.
He didnโt give you time for either.
With a sudden, terrifying grace, he lunged forward, crawling fast over the rugs until he loomed above you. His forearms landed on either side of your head with a thud, enclosing you in his shadow.
You barely had time to gasp.
Warm blood dripped from his healing wound, trickling down to your cheek. You clenched your jaw to keep still, holding your breath, afraid to move or speak. Maybe this was it, maybe youโd pushed too far.
Then he lowered his head.
You heard the click of his mandibles before you felt his teeth.
He sank them into your shoulder, not deep enough to break bone, but enough to make you cry out. Sharp, white-hot pain bloomed across your skin as you twisted beneath him, but his weight pinned you like prey caught in a trap.
His hand pressed hard over your chest, flattening you against the furs, and then he struck again. His mouth finding your other shoulder with terrifying speed.
Another bite. Another cry.
This time, something was different.
He lingered.
You felt his tongue glide slowly across the mark he had made, the heat of it dragging across your skin, soothing and igniting at the same time. The sting of pain morphed into a low, building ache. You gasped, but not from pain. Fromโฆ
Frustration.
But not the kind born of anger. This burned lower, deeper. A need you didnโt recognize, spreading like fire in your belly.
Your nipples stiffened under the thin fabric of what remained of your torn shirt. You werenโt sure when it happened, but his hand, still pressing on your chest, seemed to be aware before you were. Every brush of his palm made the sensation worse. Unbearable.
His mouth trailed lower, tongue dragging along your collarbone, then upward toward your neck.
You knew what was coming. Another bite. Another mark.
And some primal instinct in you snapped.
You acted before thinking, before fear could stop you.
You reached up, grabbed one of those thick, heavy dreadlocks hanging over your faceโฆ and yanked.
Hard.
He reacted instantly.
His body spasmed, his torso pitching forward until his chest nearly collapsed onto yours. A guttural sound erupted from himโnot a growl, not a roar, but something building in his chest, shaking through his ribs like a lionโs warning.
His breathing turned ragged, desperate again. You felt him straining against the instinct to move, to reactโto take.
His fist slammed down into the furs beside your head to steady himself.
Youโd hit a nerve. Literally.
You let go. You couldโve stopped there.
But you didnโt.
Driven by something reckless, something stupid, you leaned upโand bit the same dreadlock between your teeth. Not enough to maimโฆ just enough to threaten. To warn.
To show him that you could.
And thatโs when it changed.
His hand shot up, clawed fingers wrapping around your throat.
Not with full strength, but enough to knock the air from your lungs and force you to release your bite.
He held you there, suspended between danger and awe. The grip at your throat was firm, unrelentingโฆ but conscious. Just enough pressure to remind you: he was in control now.
Yet his eyesโฆ they told another story.
Because in that moment, he wasnโt just looking at a fragile, soft-skinned thing heโd captured.
He was looking at something dangerous.
Something wild.
Something that bit back.
Your teeth might be small, but they couldโve torn through that sensitive appendage. And he knew it.
You saw that realization land behind his eyes.
And you saw something else too.
Respect.
Predator or not, he now understood:
You were not prey.
You stared up at him, breath hitching under the pressure of his hand, your body thrumming with adrenaline, confusion, heat.
โYou bite like an animal,โ he growled, voice low. โYet youโre not one of them.โ
The hand around your throat stayed firm, his grip no longer punishing, but purposeful. Curious. Possessive.
He studied you like a puzzle he hadnโt expected to find inside his cage.
Your chest rose and fell beneath him, breath caught somewhere between panic and anticipation, your lips parting reflexively as his thumb pressed against themโharder this time. Enough to make your head tilt slightly, your jaw strain. Enough to draw out those same desperate, involuntary sounds that had already begun to unravel him.
Mewls. Gasps. Whimpers that betrayed you, that sent heat rushing through both your veins and his.
He made you feel weak, pinned under his massive frame, restrained, breathless and yet the trembling in his chest betrayed a dangerous truth: he was just as undone as you were.
There was green blood staining the rugs now, hot and slick, smeared along the curve of your hip where heโd held you. His claws flexed at your sides, eager, restrained, and trembling. The Yautja was trying to hold himself together, and youโฆ you were the reason he was falling apart.
In all his years of battles, of honor duels, of hunts through hostile terrain and endless bloodshed, he had never been brought to this edge. This need.
And not just because you fought back.
It was how you did it.
You didnโt bare fangs to kill.
You bared your teeth to warn, to challenge. To play.
And in his worldโฆ that meant something else entirely.
The way you looked up at him, defiant even as his hand rested on your throat. The way you gasped around his thumb, shame flushing your cheeks but never reaching your eyes. You werenโt meek. You were alive. Burning.
That was a language he understood.
It wasnโt what he expected when he first claimed you. You hadnโt fought then. Youโd been taken without a struggle. No weapons, no resistance, just a shaking, wide-eyed creature.
He was supposed to drag you back. A trophy. A specimen.
Maybe even meat, if the elders had deemed it so.
But he hadnโt brought you to them.
He hadnโt handed you over.
He hadnโt harmed you.
Not even once.
Instead, he kept you.
Why?
He hadnโt known the answerโฆ until now.
Now, your body squirmed beneath his. Your heat mixed with his, and your spirit rose like a flare against his instincts. You werenโt just prey. You were spark.
His chest began to tremble with a low, guttural noise, not quite a growl, not quite a purr. Something deeper.
Amusement.
He laughed.
It was alien, yes, but unmistakably pleased.
A sound from deep inside his chest, vibrating through your body like a drumbeat.
You blinked up at him, startled by the change. The gleam in his eyes was no longer just predatory. It was amused. Intrigued. He tilted his head as if seeing you for the first time, not as an obligation, not as cargo.
But as entertainment. A wild, feisty creature dropped into his hands.
You felt it then, something shift in the way he looked at you.
You werenโt just a captive anymore.
You were his distractionโฆ his companionโฆ his toy.
And in a life filled with blood, silence, and cold steelโฆ
You were the first thing that ever made him feel alive.
โA terrifying perfectionist engineer at work, Sukuna becomes a completely lovesick husband the second he comes home to his sweet, curly-haired, six-month-pregnant wife. Between foot rubs, cake crimes, dramatic baby-belly greetings, and his firm belief that his beloved is always right, their little life is soft, silly, and hopelessly devoted.โ
Ryomen Sukuna was a nightmare at work.
That was not gossip. That was not exaggeration. That was not something whispered bitterly by people who simply did not understand him. It was a fact accepted by every single employee at Itadori Structural Design. Sukuna was rude, strict, painfully direct, and allergic to mess in a way that made grown adults straighten their desks when he passed by. He hated clutter. He hated sloppy calculations. He hated excuses dressed up as explanations. If a file was mislabeled, he noticed. If a number was off by half a decimal, he noticed. If someone said, โI think this should work,โ he looked at them like they had personally insulted the concept of engineering.
And the worst part was that he was always right.
He was the best engineer the company had ever had, which meant everyone simply had to suffer through him. Clients requested him by name. Project managers feared him like bad weather. Junior engineers avoided eye contact unless spoken to. His office was spotless, his coffee was black, his emails were sharp enough to cut glass, and his work was so precise that no one could argue with him, even when they desperately wanted to.
That Thursday morning, he stood at the front of a conference room with a red marker in his hand and the expression of a man being forced to witness a crime. On the screen behind him was a structural model that had taken two weeks to prepare. He had found the problem in four minutes.
โNo,โ Sukuna said flatly.
The poor junior engineer standing near the projector swallowed. โNo?โ
โNo.โ
The room went silent in the way rooms always went silent when Sukunaโs voice lowered instead of rose. Rising meant irritation. Lowering meant someone was about to be professionally dismantled.
Sukuna tapped the marker against one section of the design. โYour load path is wrong. Your support system is inefficient. Your file organization is disgusting. There are six folders labeled final. Six. That is not a revision system. That is a cry for help.โ
One of the project managers stared down at her notebook like if she looked too alive, Sukuna might turn on her next. The junior engineer nodded quickly, his face burning. โIโll fix it.โ
โYouโll fix it today,โ Sukuna said, already turning back toward the screen. โAnd if I open that drive tomorrow and see anything labeled final-final-actual-final, Iโm deleting the entire folder and possibly you with it.โ
No one laughed, because no one was fully certain he was joking.
By five oโclock, he had corrected two models, terrified three people, rejected a proposal, and written one email so cold it probably lowered the office temperature. Then his phone lit up on his desk.
Your name glowed on the screen.
Everything about him changed.
His shoulders loosened first. Then his jaw. Then his eyes, which had been sharp enough to make steel confess, softened into something almost human. He answered immediately, ignoring the senior manager who had been waiting outside his office with paperwork in hand.
โHi, baby,โ he said, voice low.
The manager froze in the doorway.
No one at work ever heard Sukuna speak that way. It sounded impossible coming from him, like watching a blade turn into silk.
Your voice came through the phone, bright and sweet. โAre you leaving soon?โ
โIโm leaving now.โ
โYou say that, but sometimes โnowโ means twenty minutes.โ
โNot today.โ
There was a pause, and then you laughed. Sukuna closed his eyes for half a second, like he needed to let the sound settle somewhere inside him. Your laugh always did that to him. It always had. Ever since freshman year of college, when you had rushed late into a literature class with your curls wind-tossed, your arms full of books, and your notebook upside down, Sukuna had been done for. He had watched you drop three pens, apologize to a chair after bumping into it, and then smile at him like chaos was a perfectly respectable way to enter a room. You had asked him if being messy made you memorable.
It had.
By junior year, he married you.
People said you were both too young. Sukuna told them love did not become smarter just because people waited longer to recognize it. You wore flowers in your curls and cried through your vows. Sukuna did not cry until you slipped the ring on his finger and whispered, โHi, husband,โ so softly only he could hear. Then his eyes went glossy, and he glared at the officiant like it was somehow his fault.
Now, years later, you were six months pregnant with his daughter, living in the warm house he had bought for you, writing stories in the sunlit room he had built for you, and Sukuna was still as violently in love with you as he had been the day you dropped those pens.
โDid you eat lunch?โ you asked through the phone.
He paused.
โSukuna.โ
โI had coffee.โ
โThat is not lunch.โ
โIt was large.โ
โSukuna.โ
He sighed, but there was no bite in it. Not with you. Never with you. โIโll eat when I get home.โ
โYou better. Also, I moved the little basket of baby clothes from the couch to the nursery, and before you start, it was not heavy.โ
His eyes narrowed instantly. โY/n.โ
โIt was tiny.โ
โYouโre six months pregnant.โ
โAnd still capable of moving a basket.โ
โYou are capable of many things. That doesnโt mean I want you doing them while Iโm not there.โ
โYou are dramatic.โ
โI am correct.โ
โYou are dramatic and correct.โ
โFine,โ he said, already standing and gathering his things. โIโm coming home.โ
The manager still stood in the doorway, staring. Sukuna looked up, his softness vanishing like a curtain dropping over a window.
โWhat?โ
The manager held out the paperwork quickly. โSignature.โ
Sukuna took it, signed without reading, and handed it back. โDonโt stand there like furniture.โ
The manager disappeared.
On the phone, you laughed again. โWere you mean to someone?โ
โNo.โ
โSukuna.โ
โHe was standing like furniture.โ
โYou cannot say that to people.โ
โI just did.โ
โYouโre impossible.โ
โYou married me.โ
โI did,โ you said warmly. โVery lucky for you.โ
His mouth curved faintly as he stepped into the elevator. โVery lucky for me.โ
And he meant it.
Sukuna drove home through soft evening traffic with one focus only: you. He could spend an entire day cutting down weak designs and snapping at people for being careless, but the second he left work, everything in him turned toward home. Toward your smile. Toward your voice. Toward the little life growing beneath your heart. He ignored emails. He ignored calls. He ignored anything that dared exist between him and the front door of the house where you waited.
You always waited by the door.
He told you not to. Especially now. Your back hurt more often. Your feet swelled sometimes. You got tired faster, even when you pretended you didnโt. But every evening, when he unlocked the door, there you were, barefoot and glowing, curls loose around your face, one hand resting on the curve of your belly, smiling like the sun had decided to live in his hallway.
That evening was no different.
The moment he opened the door, you were there in a soft dress, your eyes bright and your lips already curving. Sukuna dropped his work bag by the wall, an act he would have considered disgusting if anyone else had done it, and stepped toward you. He cupped your face in both hands and kissed you like the whole day had been nothing but distance.
You melted into him, laughing softly against his mouth. โHi, husband.โ
His heart did the same stupid thing it always did.
โHi, wife,โ he murmured, kissing you again, then your cheek, then the other one, then your forehead. He kissed you until you were giggling and trying to push at his chest.
โSukuna, youโre still in the doorway.โ
โDonโt care.โ
โYouโre getting rain on me.โ
โIโll buy you another dress.โ
โThat is not the point.โ
โYouโre the point.โ
You rolled your eyes, but your smile softened in that way that made him feel like his ribs were too tight around his heart. He lowered himself carefully, first pressing his cheek to your chest for one ridiculous, affectionate second before sinking fully to his knees in front of you. His large hands settled at your hips, gentle despite their size, and then he bowed his head to your belly like he was greeting something holy.
โHi, little one,โ he whispered.
Your hand slid into his hair. โShe kicked today.โ
His head lifted immediately. โWhen?โ
โAfter lunch. And while I was reading.โ
โYou didnโt call me?โ
โI was going to tell you when you got home.โ
โI would have answered.โ
โYou were working.โ
โI would have answered,โ he repeated, offended.
You smiled. โI know.โ
He kissed your belly through the fabric of your dress, then rested his forehead there, his eyes closing. At work, Sukuna was all steel and precision, but here, kneeling in front of you, he looked undone. Devoted. Soft in a way the world would never believe.
โI missed you both all day,โ he murmured. โYouโre the light of my life. Both of you. Iโd walk through fire to come home to you.โ
You looked down at him, your thumb brushing through his hair. โYou donโt have to walk through fire. You just have to drive safely and eat lunch.โ
He sighed against your belly. โCruel woman.โ
โResponsible woman.โ
โSame thing.โ
You laughed, and he smiled against you.
That was his favorite sound in the world. Not music. Not praise. Not the clean satisfaction of a perfect design. Your laugh. It had been the first thing about you that haunted him and the last thing he wanted to hear before he slept. He would do anything for that laugh. Truly anything. Drive across town for a pastry you mentioned once. Rub your feet every night without complaint. Wake up at two in the morning because you wanted cold fruit. Build shelves because you said your books deserved a pretty place to live. Tell you to quit the job that made you miserable and mean it.
You had been a book editor for two years after college, and Sukuna had watched you slowly lose your light. At first, you tried to pretend you were fine. You said work was just work. You said everyone got tired. You said it was normal to come home quiet. But Sukuna knew you. He knew the difference between sleepy silence and wounded silence. He knew the way your shoulders folded when you were carrying too much. He knew your love for stories had started to feel like a burden instead of a blessing.
One night, he found you at the kitchen table surrounded by manuscript pages, crying quietly into your hands.
โQuit,โ he said.
You looked up, startled. โWhat?โ
โQuit.โ
โSukuna, I canโt just quit.โ
โYes, you can.โ
โWe have bills.โ
โI pay them.โ
โI donโt want to depend on you for everything.โ
He crouched in front of you, because that was what he always did with you. To everyone else, he stood tall. With you, he lowered himself. He took your hands and looked at you like the answer was simple because, to him, it was. โYou are my wife, not a burden. If you want to write, write. If you hate this job, leave it. I didnโt marry you so you could suffer politely.โ
You had cried harder then, but differently. Softer. Like relief had cracked something open.
So you quit. Sukuna brought home flowers and said freedom deserved flowers. Then he turned the spare room into your writing room with custom shelves, a wide desk, warm lights, and curtains that caught the morning sun because you once said natural light made you feel creative. He paid for everything without ever making you feel small. He bought the ridiculous fountain pens you said were too expensive. He drove you to bookstores and cafรฉs and antique shops, even though antique shops made him look like he was enduring a slow spiritual death.
He loved you like it was his second profession and his first religion.
Now he stood, took your hand, and guided you toward the couch.
โI can walk,โ you said.
โI know.โ
โI can also sit by myself.โ
โI know.โ
โAnd yet?โ
โI enjoy doing things for you.โ
โYou enjoy being bossy.โ
โThat too.โ
You sat with a dramatic sigh, and he immediately lifted your feet into his lap. His thumbs pressed into the arches with familiar care, firm and slow. You melted into the cushions, your hand resting over your belly.
โOh, that feels good.โ
โI know.โ
โYouโre smug.โ
โIโm skilled.โ
โYouโre impossible.โ
โYouโre repetitive.โ
You opened one eye. โRude.โ
His mouth twitched. โAccurate.โ
You tried to nudge him with your foot. He caught it easily and continued massaging like nothing had happened.
The house was warm around you, full of little signs of the life you had built together. Your notebook lay open on the coffee table, filled with half-written dialogue and messy arrows. A stack of baby books leaned beside one of Sukunaโs engineering journals. A basket of tiny clothes sat near the nursery hallway. There were books on surfaces where Sukuna would normally never allow books, but they were your books, so somehow they had become acceptable. He hated mess until the mess belonged to you. Then it became evidence of home.
โI wrote three pages today,โ you said.
His eyes flicked up. โThatโs good.โ
โIt felt bad.โ
โFeeling bad doesnโt mean the work is bad.โ
โI think chapter seven hates me.โ
โThen destroy it.โ
You blinked. โThat is your writing advice?โ
โYes.โ
โThatโs not romantic.โ
He considered this seriously while rubbing your heel. โFine. Chapter seven is an unworthy enemy. Destroy it beautifully.โ
You burst out laughing, and he looked deeply pleased with himself.
โThere. Romantic.โ
โThat was violent.โ
โSame thing.โ
โNot to normal people.โ
โI donโt like normal people.โ
โYou like me.โ
โYouโre not normal. You married me.โ
You laughed again, warm and bright, and his hands slowed for a moment as he watched you. There were literal hearts in his eyes when he looked at you. You teased him about it all the time, but it was true. He could be mid-argument, mid-sentence, mid-bad mood, and then you would smile at him, and every thought in his head would simply lie down and surrender.
The baby kicked beneath your hand.
You froze. โOh.โ
Sukuna immediately stopped. โWhat?โ
โShe moved.โ
He stared at your belly like it had just spoken. โAgain?โ
โMaybe. Come here.โ
He moved so fast you almost laughed, shifting carefully closer and placing his large hand where yours had been. For a moment, nothing happened. His face was stern with concentration, as if he could intimidate his daughter into performing.
โSukuna,โ you whispered, amused. โStop glaring at my stomach.โ
โIโm not glaring.โ
โYou are.โ
โIโm focused.โ
โYouโre scaring her.โ
โSheโs not scared of me.โ
โShe is probably wondering why her father is so dramatic.โ
Then she kicked.
Right against his palm.
The change in him was immediate. His whole face softened, his lips parting slightly, his eyes going quiet and wonderstruck. He looked down at your belly like the universe had placed a secret directly into his hand.
โShe kicked me,โ he said softly.
You smiled, your throat tightening. โShe knows youโre home.โ
He lowered his head and kissed your belly again, lingering there. โIโm home,โ he murmured. โI missed you all day. Be nice to your mother. Sheโs stubborn and thinks baskets are worth risking my sanity over.โ
You laughed through the tenderness in your chest. โIt was a light basket.โ
โNo basket is light when youโre carrying my daughter.โ
โYou are so dramatic.โ
โYou keep saying that.โ
โBecause it keeps being true.โ
He looked up at you, his cheek still resting against your belly. โYouโre wrong.โ
You raised a brow.
He kissed your stomach once more. โBut I agree.โ
That made you laugh again, and he smiled like he had won something.
Later, after he made you eat dinner before cake because he claimed your daughter needed nutrients and you claimed she had spiritually requested lemon cake, the two of you ended up in bed with soft rain tapping against the windows. Sukuna sat behind you, rubbing your lower back while you leaned against him, sleepy and warm. His work phone buzzed on the nightstand. Once. Twice. He ignored it.
โYou can check that,โ you said.
โNo.โ
โIt could be important.โ
โIโm home.โ
โThat doesnโt answer the question.โ
โYes, it does.โ
You smiled and closed your eyes as his hands moved carefully along the sore places in your back. He knew exactly where to press. He always knew. He had been rubbing your feet and back long before you were pregnant, long before there was a nursery down the hall and tiny socks folded in drawers. Loving you had always looked like service to him. Not because you asked. Because he wanted to. Because your comfort mattered to him in a way that made the rest of the world feel secondary.
โDo you ever think we got married too young?โ you asked softly.
โNo.โ
โYou didnโt even think about it.โ
โIโve thought about it. Everyone who said it was stupid was wrong.โ
You laughed. โSimple as that?โ
โYes.โ
โWe were young.โ
โWe were right.โ
You turned slightly to look at him. His red eyes were steady on yours, softer than anyone at work would believe. โYou really knew?โ
โThe first day,โ he said.
โYou did not know you wanted to marry me the first day.โ
โI knew I wanted to keep hearing you laugh.โ
Your heart folded in on itself. โSukuna.โ
โYou dropped three pens, apologized to a chair, and asked if being messy made you memorable.โ
โI apologized to a chair?โ
โYou bumped into it.โ
โAnd that made you fall in love?โ
โNo,โ he said, brushing one curl back from your face. โYour laugh did.โ
The room went quiet, warm and golden in the dark. You leaned in and kissed him, slow and sweet, and he kissed you back like he still could not believe he got to. Like every ordinary night with you was something sacred.
When you pulled away, he kept his forehead against yours.
โIโm scared sometimes,โ he admitted quietly.
That surprised you. Sukuna did not confess fear easily. You touched his cheek. โOf what?โ
โFailing you. Failing her. I can handle work. Money. The house. Practical things. But I donโt know how to make sure you never hurt. I donโt know how to protect you from everything.โ
Your heart ached. You held his face between your hands and made him look at you. โYou donโt have to protect me from everything. You just have to come home. Listen to me. Love me. Be her father. Be my husband.โ
His jaw tightened. โI should be perfect for you.โ
โNo,โ you whispered. โYou should be here.โ
He closed his eyes for a moment, turning his face to kiss your palm. โYouโre always right.โ
โI am not.โ
โYou are.โ
โI once put dish soap in the dishwasher and flooded the kitchen with bubbles.โ
โThe dishwasher attacked you.โ
โSukuna.โ
โThe floor was poorly designed.โ
You laughed so hard you had to lean into him, and there it was again: that look on his face, hopeless and adoring and completely ruined. He pulled you carefully down against the pillows, adjusted them until you were comfortable, and settled beside you with his hand resting protectively over your belly.
Outside, the rain softened the world. Inside, your house glowed with the quiet mess of love: books, baby clothes, cake plates in the sink, his abandoned work bag by the door. Tomorrow, Sukuna would return to the office and become sharp again. He would correct calculations, reject sloppy work, terrify another conference room, and probably complain about file names at least twice.
But at five oโclock, he would come home.
To you.
To your curls and your laughter and your soft voice. To the tiny life kicking beneath his hand. To the only place in the world where he did not have to be terrifying to be understood.
You were half asleep when he kissed your shoulder.
โIโd walk through fire, you know,โ he murmured.
Your lips curved faintly. โI know.โ
His hand tightened gently over yours.
โBut Iโd rather you just come home,โ you whispered.
Sukuna went still for a moment, then pressed a kiss to the back of your hand.
โI always will.โ
Happy Monday, here is something soft for the day๐
warnings - [mdni] sexual content | sexual language | angst | yearning!gojo
series masterlist | prologue | one | two | three
wc - 10k
โ๏ธ
โfuck, fuck, yโfeel so goodโฆโ satoru groaned against the sensitive skin of your neck as you whimpered softly, thighs trembling as they bracketed his moving hips, โso good for me, baby.โ
you could barely comprehend his words, skin buzzing with the heat he radiated, with the intensity of the emotions he dragged out of you kicking and screaming.ย
and that was the point.ย
his hands were just as skilled, just as sure as they dragged along your skin like he knew you better than he should. his mouth followed, warm and relentless as he traced the line of your jaw, movements never stilling, pulling noises and whimpers out of you that you refused to give anywhere else.ย
it was all too easy to let go when you were with him. as much as you hated to admit it, he made things go quiet in a way you needed more than you let on.ย
you were sure your mind hadnโt been quiet since you were younger, so unfathomably loud, it bordered on unbearable.
satoru gojo made things go still in a way that felt almost artificial. like someone had flicked a switch off somewhere deep in your mind.ย
cockdrunk? possibly.ย
but something in you knew it was something more visceral you didnโt know how to name. frankly, you didnโt really care to.ย
he was enough. the quiet was enough.ย
and fuck, did he know how to make it all go quiet.ย
โsatoru!โ you cried out with a low whimper as your legs kicked once in overstimulation as you all but toppled over the edge, head thrown back in pleasure, the menace above you groaning with a soft grin. the little shit.ย
satoru prided himself on knowing women, of course he did. he would have to be stupid not to with the experience he had. but something about you was different.ย
maybe it was because heโd never had a steady fuck, but at times, he didnโt know where you ended and he began. satoru acknowledged that it was a problem when he started noticing things he hadn't before.ย
like the clench of your jaw when you were overstimulated, the adorable way your eyes would grow all big and teary when you were close and his favorite thing of all, the way your legs kicked when you just felt too fucking good.ย
he found himself chasing those little kicks, going harder and faster until he felt you kick against him with that tiny throaty whimper in the back of your throat. fuck, it was an art.
and you knew it too, what with the way he grew impossibly harder whenever your legs pushed out. a menace, really.ย
โi know, baby, i knowโฆโ satoru soothed against your neck, voice low and amused like he lived for the dragging torture of it all, hands tightening on your hips as you bucked below him, โthere she is, cโmon, baby, look at youโฆโย
you exhaled softly, whimpered maybe, fingers pressing into his abdomen as his thrusts slowed to a low grind allowing you both to ride out the wave of euphoria, now all too familiar, even comforting. you liked the aftermath, basked in the floaty feeling you couldnโt control.ย
you could tell satoru was already gazing down at you, his large hand caressing the soft skin of your side, slow and deliberate as you tried to catch your breath.ย
yes, the quiet. that was the sole reason you decided to push aside getoโs words from the other night.ย
if this is bored then god help us when he's actually invested.
you allowed yourself a day to dwell on his words, to spiral into a pit of what ifโs before you willed yourself not to run. every ounce of you wanted to flee.ย
fuck, the mere thought of satoru caring for you in that way made you shiver in protest. god forbid.ย
one day. you let one day pass before you decided that suguru had to be mistaken.ย
how could someone like the notoriously noncommital satoru gojo go from what you knew him to be to something so completely out of character in the short time you knew him?ย
it was simply not possible.
so you let it go because frankly, the sex was all too good for you to throw it all away because of a throw away comment that very possibly meant nothing.ย
โgood job, trouble.โ satoru muttered breathlessly as your eyes finally met his own, the man holding his palm towards you in a boyish attempt to high-five you, a lopsided grin on his face.ย
you huffed softly, hand still warm against his abdomen as you pushed gently, eyes blank with a nonchalance that irked the white-haired frat boy to no end.ย
โget off me, gojo.โย
he was still inside you, half throbbing despite having finished twice inside you.ย
and you could feel it. which is why you so desperately needed the man to get off, his weight pressing against your smaller form.ย
it was like a timer started the moment you came down from the high he placed you in. every second following the moment you grew coherent and aware were seconds you were allowing him to be with you, to touch and feel and see you because you wanted to. you allowed him to.ย
and that was the last thing you wanted, those damned lines blurred anymore than they already were.ย
satoru rolled his eyes gently, hand dropping as his eyes shifted down, hips beginning to pull out of you, but your eyes remained on him.ย
him and that damned kicked puppy look he always got when you dismissed his attempts to make whatever this was into something softer than the transactional agreement youโd agreed on.ย
you noticed everything about him, unfortunately, ever the observer you were.ย
the slight clench of his jaw, the way his nostrils flared just barely, the tension that dragged him back down from whatever cloud he always seemed to float on after sex.
you waited for that familiar tug beneath your ribs, that pull to soften and let him blur the lines just a little more.
the feeling never came. and the second he pulled out, you were quick to swing your legs over the side of the bed and walk towards his en suite without sparing him a glance.ย
still, you could feel his stare on the expanse of your back, every single time you walked away from him.ย
you knew it without turning your head, the weight of his gaze settling somewhere, uncomfortable and heavy in a way you couldnโt quite explain.ย
you hated it. despised it, even.ย
you especially hated when he looked at you like you were something to figure out, when his stark blue gaze met yours and you could tell-ย
sometimes i wanna break open your skull and read all your thoughts.ย
you remember almost physically recoiling when heโd uttered that late one night. it wasnโt out of fear, either, but because you felt the collision of his sincerity.ย
the memory of him, his eyes, all earnest beneath the light, it felt dangerously close to being seen.ย
it made your throat tighten just the slightest bit.
exposed vulnerability never integrated too well with you.ย
and your response was predicted, rooted in both irritation at his persistence and the urge to evade any possibility of the conversation growing any more serious than it already was.
donโt make it weird, gojo.ย
and what followed is what always treaded on the heels of your unrelenting nature.ย
that same dampened smile that was not as bright as his usual cocky grin.ย a smile smaller than usual but still there for you anyway.ย
after a quick shower, you stepped back into his room, steam still clinging to your skin as you tightened the towel around yourself.ย
satoru was sprawled across the bed, one arm tucked beneath his head while the other rested low against his stomach, eyes already fixed on you the second youโd emerged.ย
โalready?โ his voice came, softer now, as you began collecting your clothes from the carpeted floor, the towel tight around you.
โyeah.โ you answered lowly, eyes downcast as you began pulling up your underwear.ย
a beat passed, โstay a bit.โย
you resisted the urge to sigh.ย
stay? why would you?ย
but you paused just enough for him to notice, sitting up as you began pulling on the rest of your clothes as if his words hadnโt even registered.ย
โwell, donโt get too excited.โ satoru grinned gently, a smile you could see right through but ignored all the same. โhere...โ
satoru leaned over his bed to the little mini fridge, puling out two chilled bottles and tossing one towards you lazily.ย
โthanks.โ you stated as he hummed gently, chugging his own down while watching you over the rim as you sipped yours, eyes remaining on him and his the same. eyes meeting somewhere you both couldnโt name.ย
โwhat are you doing tonight?โ satoru questioned as you fixed up your tousled hair in the mirror, eyes drifting to him as he sat up, forearms resting against his knees, gaze softer than you liked.ย
โchilling, why?โ
satoru grinned, โthereโs a-โ
โparty?โ you deadpanned, turning to face the grinning man as he crossed his arms.
satoru lips twitched, โugh, you're obsessed with me.โ
you rolled your eyes once, despite that strange tension that still lingered beneath everything.ย
subtle and easy to ignore, especially for you, but there nonetheless.ย
a week had passed since that conversation with suguru and despite only avoiding satoru for a day, something had shifted afterward, just a bit.ย
maybe you were colder now, or maybe you were simply paying attention to things you didnโt before.ย
either way, satoru noticed too.ย
because despite yourย distance, despite the walls and avoidance and clipped responses, you still came whenever he called.ย
โnot a party this time," satoru promised with a smirk, "weโre all goinโ to a bar tonight.โย
you hummed before turning to face him, โhow grown of you.โย
he huffed out a laugh, โshut up.โย
you simply shook your head, taking another sip of water as he continued watching you from the bed, โyou should come.โ
your eyes flicked to him instantly and you resisted the urge to scoff.ย
absolutely not.ย
you and frat parties were already enough of a social nightmare, but voluntarily accompanying satoru and his friendsย to a crowded bar sounded like genuine psychological warfare.ย
โshould i?โ you deadpanned, words smothered in a lack of enthusiasm satoru caught, โno thanks.โ
his grin widened immediately like heโd expected the answer before the thought had even entered his brain, โyโdidnโt even think about it!โ
โi did,โ you replied flatly, reaching for your bag by the door, "thought about it very quickly.โ
โcโmon,โ he dragged out, a pout practically painting his lips and though you didnโt particularly dwell over him, it was nice to see him more like himself, โitโll be fun.โ
you scoffed softly, โwe have very different definitions of fun, gojo.โ
โouch,โ gojo gasped, hand pressing to his chest in mock offense, โreal judgemental from someone who was screaming my name not even thirty minutes ago.โ
you merely shot him a look and he laughed then, properly this time.ย
god, he had a nice laugh.ย
you hated that too.ย
โjust think about it,โ he stated after a moment, quieter now, โdonโt gotta say yes now.โย
โiโm probably not going, gojo.โ
his eyes brightened, โprobably?โย
you rolled your eyes. of course heโd latch onto that word alone.ย
โdonโt start.โย
โthat sounds better than no to me,โ he grinned before finally relenting with a shake of his head, โmโjust sayinโ. could be nice.โย
there it was again. that softness he kept trying to slip between the cracks of your arrangement like he was hoping you wouldnโt notice. you noticed everything.ย
which is exactly why he wouldn't be seeing you tonight.ย
โa lotta things could be nice,โ you huffed as you placed the strap of your bag on your shoulder, โbye, gojo.โ
he watched you walk out of his room, the door shutting behind you and exhaled slowly through his nose.ย
something was off.ย
he didnโt know what exactly but he felt it every tine you looked at him now. as if you ever looked at him with anything but that bluntness in your gaze, but it just seemed more prominent now.ย
you used to soften, at least just after sex. his truth serum dick window.ย
a mere fifteen to twenty minutes where your head was still fuzzy in a cloud of euphoria, he could talk to you about practically anything, ask you about anything.ย
now, even after sex, you stiffened when he got too close to whatever invisible line you kept drawn between you both.ย
and fuck, he hated that line. and he hated how aware of it heโd become.ย
before you, satoru never really cared whether people stayed or left.ย
girls came and went in an endless rotation of fucks, they were merely a blur in his mind, faces and names fading into the background of frat parties and bad decisions, only temporary fun.ย
satoru liked people, he knew them well. he was charming to a fault, able to present himself in any way he needed to to get his way.ย
but he never needed them.ย
not his fuckass family, not even his frat.
but you?ย
well, he didnโt know if needed was the right word. but you were different in the worst possible way.ย
you stayed in his head, fucked with him all the fucking time.
heโd be in class thinking about the way your nose scrunched when you were annoyed. heโd be at practice remembering some comment youโd muttered three nights ago.ย
his fifteen minute window post-sex allowed him to collect little memories and information about you that he cherished more than he liked to admit.ย
it was pathetic. worse, it was new.ย
satoru gojo had never been this guy before.ย
the kind of man who waited around for texts or replayed conversations trying to figure out what shifted. or the kind to stare at his ceiling at two in the morning wondering where someone was or whether they got home safe.ย
heโd especially never been the kind of idiot who wanted to know someone this badly.ย
because that was it, really.
it wasnโt just sex, he wasnโt sure it ever was. he wanted to know things,ย
he wanted to know why your mood shifted whenever he asked about family, why you always looked half-ready to run, why you never stayed the night, why you looked at him sometimes like caring about you was the worst thing he could possibly do.ย
and every time he tried getting closer, you shut another door in his face.ย
still, he kept trying. like a fucking idiot.ย
satoru dropped back against his pillows with a groan, dragging both his hands down his face.ย
this was so unfair.ย
of all the people he couldโve ended up wanting like this, of all the girls on campus who would've gladly fallen into his arms without making him work for every microscopic inchโฆ
he had to feel these emotions for the first time towards the one girl who treated vulnerability like a disease.
he was absolutely fucked.ย
โ๏ธ
the bar was loud in the way only campus bars could be, all sticky floors and the music too heavy and laughter bled into shouting until everything became one overwhelming blur of bodies and alcohol.ย
satoru usually loved this bar, he thrived in these very environments.ย
he loved the noise, the attention, the easy feeling of walking into a room and knowing people would gravitate toward him without him having to try.ย
tonight, though, something felt off.ย
โfor the last fuckinโ time,โ shoko graoned from beside him, cigarette balaced lazily between her fingers despite the bartender glaring daggers her way, โstop looking at the door then checking your phone then looking at the door then checking your phone then-โ
โshut up.โ satoru muttered with a huff, leaning back against the booth as his eyes wandered over the sea of people.ย
some of the boys were playing pool with a group of girls while the other half were drunkenly playing darts which would end with sukuna pulling a dart out of chosoโs arm. again.ย
utahime leaned against the counter beside her with a sigh, โwhat are you waiting for, satoru? your pretty biker?โย
satoru instantly glared at her, โi was checking the time.โย
โyou checked the time four times in one minute.โ shoko deadpaned, sharing a glance with utahime that screamed this guyโs pathetic.ย
satoru scoffed, โtime changes.โ
โugh, youโre so embarrassingโฆโ utahime muttered into her drink as satoru ignored them both, though his jaw tightened slightly as his knee bounced beneath the counter.ย
he felt so fucking stupid. why did he think probably meant anything other than absolutely fucking not.ย
it was you. of course you werenโt coming.ย
still, some stupid part of him kept glancing toward the entrance anyway, half expecting to see you walk in with that bored expression on your utterly pretty face, as if you hadn't occupied his every waking thought for the past six hours.ย
โseriously, though, what the hellโs wrong with you lately?โ shoko leaned forward, eyeing him carefully, โyouโve been off.โย
โi havenโt been off-โ
โyouโve been off.โ choso stated as he took a seat by hime, rubbing his bicep where satoru could see a little scratch from the dart, eyes downcast as he grabbed a nacho from the plate.
satoru scoffed, โthe hell do you know-โ
โyou got rejected or somethinโ?โ choso continued through a mouthful of cheesy nachos making shoko grimace as satoruโs jaw clenched, opening his mouth to speak-
โhe absolutely got rejected,โ suguru breathed out, taking a seat beside shoko breathlessly, โrepeatedly, actually. at his own accord-โ
โshut the fuck up.โ satoru practically growled, leg kicking against suguruโs shin as he groaned at the impact.ย
โso this really is all about that girl-โย
โthe biker chick?โ sukuna walked towards them then, choso moving to allow the vice president to sit beside him, โah yeah, heโs down catastrophic.โย
the table then got into a discussion about who was down worse, sukuna or satoru.ย
satoru didnโt hear a thing, the group dissolving into discussion and teasing and laughter while satoru leaned back against the booth with an irritated sigh, fingers twitching toward his phone before stopping himself.ย
he really needed to get a fucking grip. he was satoru fucking gojo.ย
girls practically fell at his feet, he was absolute royalty.ย
he wasnโt supposed to be the one sitting in a bar feeling badly because one emotionally constipated girl hadn't show up.ย
โanother round?โ suguru asked, already signaling the bartender for more.ย
โfuckinโ please.โ satoru muttered instantly and maybe that was his first mistake.ย
because one round turned into three surprisingly quick, then four, and suddenly, the buzzing beneath his skin dulled just enough for him to stop checking the entrance every five seconds.ย
it was around one in the morning when a familiar dark-haired girl slid into the empty spot beside him.ย
emi. her sultry almond eyes were the same, all manipulation and false affection.ย
she laughed at everything he said, touched his arm too much, leaned into his space just enough to have him leaning back into her.ย
the past few weeks, girlsโ advances werenโt quite met back with enthusiasm by the frat president, because he already had his fix.ย
this time, though, he didnโt stop her.ย
โmissed you, toruโฆโ she stated lowly, hands resting against his thigh as his head leaned back against the booth, those very eyes drifting between her eyes and hands.ย
โyeah?โ satoru lowly stated, voice all husky and deep, hazy from the plethora of drinks.ย
it felt good to be wanted. and fuck, did emi want him.ย
everyone knew that much.ย
his mind couldnโt help but drift to you for a moment, of course it did.ย
you wanted him when you needed him, but you didnโt just want him like he wanted you.ย you didnโt want him all the time.ย
and that was what youโd agreed on, so why was it such a big deal now?ย
maybe he needed this, to stop acting insane over a girl who couldnโt give a fuck less what he was doing.ย
your deal didnโt include exclusivity or not to sleep with other people. it was just to keep each other in the loop if you did.ย
fuck, satoru felt his stomach churn at the prospect of you with another man.ย
he pushed that thought away before it could fully consume him, just as emi leaned closer, breath tickling the skin of his neck, right over the little mark youโd left on his jaw this morning.ย
he wore it like a badge of honor, like a goddamn idiot.ย
โwe had a lotta fun, remember, babe?โ she stated more than asked, grinning all nice like and satoru smirked drunkenly, her face a bit blurry but still visually appealing enough to have him leaning in just a bit.ย
โoh, i know.โย
she giggled at that, her other hand moving to rest on his chest.
shoko and utahime had already gone back home an hour ago, sukuna as well.ย
the rest of the boys were scattered around the bar and suguru kept his eyes on his snow-haired friend where he stood across the room.ย
their eyes met for half a second and suguruโs expression shifted instantly. donโt.ย
satoru looked away first.ย
why shouldnโt he?ย
just because this uncharacteristic version of himself was amusing to suguru? it was hell.ย
granted, suguru, as well as his entire frat hated emiโs guts. for many reasons.ย
before he could even attempt to recall those very reasons, emi was kissing him, quick and needy.ย
satoru kissed her back, hands by his sides but lips moving against hers like muscle memory had taken over.
it felt different. he was waiting for that shot of electricity up his spine that heโd grown accustomed to. for that feral need to touch to come over him.
the girl practically climbed atop his lap, hands still by his sides as she cupped his jaw, lips moving messily and eagerly over him, no rhyme or rhythm.ย
โugh, youโre so hot-โ she moaned before she pressed herself against him once more, satoru growing stiffer instead of melting by the second.
just enough time passed for him to realize that this felt absolutely nothing like kissing you. you and your pillowy soft lips, the soft sounds that came from somewhere deep in your throat, as if they clawed their way out, despite your best efforts to keep them at bay.ย
you and the honeyed way you said his name, his actual name.ย
satoru. the word left you rarely but so fucking devastatingly, your gentle hands and your pretty body that fit against his like fate itself intervened when placing you in his path.
you were so fucking addicting, even having a pretty girl on his lap did nothing for him.ย
what the fuck were you doing to him?ย
satoru pulled away then, lips all swollen as he looked to the side, eyes still hazy but mind more sober.ย
emi began peppering kisses down his jaw, his neck, until he pressed a hand to her shoulder.ย
โstop,โ satoru stated, gently maneuvering her away from him to the seat once more, โmโnot into this.โย
emi scoffed instantly, eyes firing up in that familiar way he remembered, โnot into this?! oh please, you were obsessed with me!โ
satoru almost wanted to laugh.ย
emi was the obsessed one, following him around since freshman year.ย
she was the head girl of kappa kappa gamma, and you could tell with a glance that she wasnโt used to hearing the word no. which is probably why she was so enamored with satoru.ย
she came back after the summer of their first year looking good. sheโd gotten her tits done, that was a given. all of campus were talking about it at the time. heโs sure something else had changed but either way, she looked good.ย
so he fucked her.ย
aside from you, she was his most steady fuck, on and off all of sophmore year.ย
they were never exclusive or anything and he still slept with other girls if he pleased, but he knew she was there if he needed a quick fix.
until she started acting just a bit too crazy and satoru cut her off. sheโd been obsessed with him since then.ย
satoru almost wanted to laugh, karma really was a bitch because this time around, with you, he was the fucking crazy one.
oh please, you were obsessed with me!
satoru wanted to laugh at that too.ย
if he was obsessed with her then what was it that he felt for you?ย
did he fucking worship you? was that it?ย
if obsession was emi than you must have been driving him to insanity.ย
satoru couldnโt recall what had taken place after that, all he knew was that choso and sugugu were pulling the short-haired girl off of him and pulling him up, his long arms dangling over each of their shoulders.ย
โcโmon, mr president, lets take you home.โ choso stated, blunt resting between his lips as they walked him towards the door, satoru leaning his head against his shoulder in imbalance.
fuck, heโd wished youโd just shown up.ย
โ๏ธ
โshould we call someone?โ oscar questioned, eyes squinted as he tilted his head.ย
you hummed from your place beside him, your own eyes widened, โlike who?โย
the little boy shifted, knees digging into the couch as one arm rested around your shoulder, small fingers fidgeting with the ends of your hair gently, โi donโt know, like, the pope?โย
you scoffed, โwhat would the pope do, oz?โ
โsomething! iโve never seen this before!โย
your little brotherโs eyes that mirrored your own was filled with genuine concern, yours equally so.
it was comical the way both your heads tilted in sync as you watched the scene before you-
โyโknow i can hear your stupid asses, right?โ the eldest of your two younger brothers muttered without looking up from the worksheet in front of him, pen tapping aggressively against the paper.ย
sonny, who was hunched over the dining room table, a pen in hand as he didโฆhomework. voluntarily.ย
โlanguage, asshole!โ you scolded as oscar huffed gently.
โgrandma says if you swear too much, your hair falls out!โ oscar informed, face serious and eyes wide.ย
sonny finally looked up then, โgrandma also said that stupid drawing you brought home was like picassoโs.โย
โsonny!โ you scolded, hand moving to oscarโs back as he gaped at his older brother.ย
โthis is why grandma says youโre a delinquent!โย
โspell delinquent-โ
โokay, enough.โ you shushed them both as you stood up, moving towards sonny who was hunched over his algebra homework, โyou feeling okay, kid?โย
sonny scoffed gently, โyes, iโm fine, mom.โ
you crossed your arms, โyou sure?โ
sonnu huffed, slamming his pen down as his eyes met yours, โyes, iโm sure, what is up with you?โย
you shrugged gently, โi donโt know. i just thought the day i see you doing homework, iโd also see pigs in the sky.โย
sonny rolled his eyes as oscar padded over, moving to stand beside you, mirroring your crossed arms.ย
you resisted the urge to smile, a little mini you.ย
โis this because grandma took your xbox?โ
realization dawned on you as you laughed softly, โahh, this makes sense now.โย
sonny merely met your eyes with a blank stare, โshe said if i failed another test, sheโs selling it.โย
you pulled out the chair across from him as oscar followed beside you.ย
you glanced at the paper to see two bolded words atop that made you gasp softly, โthis is extra credit.โ
sonnyโs jaw clenched as oscar giggled softly, โsunโs a nerd!โย
you giggled gently along with him, eyes racking over your brotherโs red cheeks.
โshut UP.โ sonny hissed, lunging for the eight year old boy who darted behind you instantly, laughing hysterically.
another soft laugh left you as oscar clutched at the back of your shirt, โokay, settle down, einstein.โย
sonny huffed as he relented, sitting back down with his arms crossed.ย
you softened then, a small smile playing on your lips as a sense of gentle relief filled you.ย
you often worried about sonny more than you did oscar, more than your grandma.ย
he wasnโt a delinquent, as your grandma often exaggerated, but he was somewhat troubled. something you didnโt blame him for being, especially as you played a part.
you leaving for college only worsened his misbehavior, something you couldn't help but still carried the guilt of.ย
โwhy are you doing extra credit, sun?โ
sonny shifted in his seat, eyes still blazing, โfor extra credit. itโs in the name, dumbass.โย
โthatโs a chunk of hair gone!โ oscar stated as he munched on the cut up fruit on the table.ย
sonny glared at the little boy before gazing back up at you, your eyes soft, familiar and gentle enough to have his shoulders dropping, โi like my xbox.โย
your head tilted back in laughter as the boy huffed, โwill you help me or not?โย
you tried to keep your smile at bay, truly, you did.ย
but sony looked so genuinely irritated by all of this that another round of laughter bubbled out before you could stop it, oscar quick to follow as sonny huffed, gathering his things as if he was about to make a run for it.ย
โno, no, iโm sorry! iโll help!โ you grinned, relenting as the boy glared at you but remained put, allowing you to slide the paper over to you and oscarโs side.ย
both of you huddled over the paper, your youngest brother merely copying your movements because god knows, he knew fuck all about algebra.ย
โokay,โ you muttered, scanning the page, โwhat the fuck is this?โย
โlanguage!โ oscar yelled as you patted his back gently, eyes still squinting over the page.
โlet me get this straight, you can do that whole organic chemistry shit but you canโt do algebra?โ
you scoffed, "i havenโt done algebra since freaking high school! thereโs a reason i chose science, idiot!โ
sonny scoffed, โright, iโm the idiot.โย
sonny then proceeded to go into this whole story about this one guy in his class, oscar nodding along like his older brotherโs words were gospel. something in your chest loosened just a little.
it was all so achingly familiar, so heartbreakingly nostalgic.ย
the noise and bickering, oscar attached to your side and sonny pretending like he didnโt care whether you came home or not despite hovering around you the second you walked through the door.ย
you knew what role you occupied here, something your poor grandma couldnโt replicate which is why sonny gives her such a hard time.ย
sometimes it felt like youโd skipped being a teenager entirely and maybe that was why people like satoru made you itch beneath your skin.ย
he made things easier, softer in a way you werenโt familiar with.ย
you hated it.ย
โ๏ธ
the second the train doors opened, rain slammed into you sideways.ย
hard and violent enough that people exiting beside you immediately cursed under their breaths, some scrambling to pull jackets over their heads as thunder cracked overhead.ย
you paused beneath the station awning with a frustrated sigh, arms crossing over your sweater clad body, completely void of a proper jacket. you had forgotten it home at your grandmaโs.ย
fuck, your apartment was a thirty minute walk which was usually fine, except it was fucking freezing and probably bound to storm soon.ย
you pulled out your phone, opening your messages quickly and scrolling through until you found lunaโs number, going to press on her contact name before your screen went black.ย
โoh, fuck off.โ you muttered as your head tilted back against the cold bricks, eyes shutting in absolute disbelief. just your fucking luck.ย
โlady, itโs about to storm, you should get going. all outgoing trains are cancelled.โ a man with a navy vest stated, the pin at his chest indicating his place as one of the train staff.ย
โright. thanks.โ you stated before he nodded, walking away as you looked ahead at the heavy rain.ย
another crash of thunder echoed overhead, rainwater splashing violently against the pavement while people rushed towards cars and buses around you.ย
you narrowed your eyes at the black sky before sighing. fuck it.
hugging yourself tightly, you stepped out into the rain.ย
ten minutes later, you deeply regretted every decision that had led you to this point.ย
you knew it was gonna rain and still decided to come back to campus because of your stupid lab tomorrow morning that you truly afforded to miss.ย
your shoes squelched with every miserable step, jeans soaked through entirely while freezing rainwater clung to your lashes, tote bag barely hanging onto your shoulder.ย
the wind nearly knocked you off your feet as you swayed with every huge gust, another crack of thunder splitting overhead.ย
โyou look fuckinโ homeless.โย
you stopped walking instantly, a black truck crawled alongside the curb beside you, window rolled down just enough to reveal sukunaโs unimpressed face beneath the glow of passing streetlights.ย
you stared at him blankly, โgood to see you too.โย
sukunaโs lip twitched, โget in the truck.โย
you resisted the urge to scoff, โsaid the kidnapper.โย
you turned on your feet, continuing your dreadful walk and after a mere ten seconds, sukunaโs truck followed, โget in the truck.โ
โiโm good.โย
โyou are visibly not good, stupid.โย
your jaw clenched, turning to face the pink haired vice president, โplease donโt be so convincing.โย
the rain came in sheets as you squinted once more, continuing your walk before sukuna scoffed, truck slowly moving beside you, โlook, iโd like nothinโ more than to leave your ass freezinโ out here but my girl told me that people have this thing called a conscience, so.โ
you shivered, โgod bless your girlfriendโs patience.โ
another gust of wind hit you directly then and you physically recoiled.
sukuna noticed instantly, โget. in.โย
โyouโre such a-โ
a bike whirled passed then, right over a puddle that ended up flooding the front of you completely and your jaw clenched so tight, your molars hurt.
you could practically feel the smirk on the vice presidentโs face, โi imagine youโre coming in then.โย
no words left you as you climbed into the passenger seat of his truck, warmth hitting you instantly, you almost moaned in appreciation.ย
sukuna snorted beside you as you slammed the door shut, โfuckinโ pathetic.โย
โfuck you.โย
you shoved your wet hair away from your face while he pulled back onto the main road, windshield wipers fighting for their lives against the storm outside.ย
for a minute, silence settled between you outside the low hum of the engine.
โwhy are you even walking in this weather?โ sukuna scoffed after a moment.
โjust decided to take a nice stroll.โ you stated emotionlessly, eyes trained on the blur of cars outside before glancing at the man, โtrain.โย
โyour survival instincts are ass.โย
you rolled your eyes, leaning your head back against the seat, โiโm well aware.โย
โyou from the city too?โ sukuna questioned as you glanced over at him once more, his hand clutching the steering wheel, forearms thick and littered with tattoos.ย
one stood out, a small pair of angel wings on his hand. it was pretty.ย
โyeah.โ you stated simply. the last thing you wanted was to have small talk when you were soaking wet with rain water.ย
you knew sukuna understood that, the silence enveloping you both, a mutual understanding settling between you.ย
if it was fucking satoru here, heโd properly yap your ear off about god knows what. youโd shush him over and over and heโd still find the energy to talk.ย
heโd properly distract you from the wet cold feeling against you, though. he was funny when he wanted to be. heโd also be able to keep you warm because you didnโt mind when he touched you, unlike other people, men especially.ย
you even flinched when luna hugged you.ย
the last time youโd seen satoru was two days ago, the same morning heโd asked you to come to the bar with his friends. and he hadnโt texted you since then which was strange for him.ย
you appreciated the space, though. but it made it evidently clear that you were growing used to the annoyance that was satoru gojo.ย
yu wondered what he was doing. surely no party was happening in the midst of a storm, but you wouldnโt completely put it past him.ย
if anything, heโd make a theme of it all.ย
as if sukuna could read your mind, the familiar strip of greek row came into view and your stomach churned, โwhy are we here?โย
sukuna hummed, โbecause i dnonโt know where the fuck you live and the frat was only ten minutes away. iโm not driving in a storm, dipshit.โ
your jaw clenched alongside your fists, โi didnโt fucking tell you to drive in the storm, did i, asshole? youโre the one who pestered me-โ
โspell pestered-โ
โiโm gonna-โย
sukuna was already climbing out of the truck, the vehicle shutting off, the warmth being stripped away from you as you shivered almost instantly.ย
โyour choice, grumpy,โ sukuna stated as he walked towards the frat, glancing at you over his shoulder, "either make the walk or come in.โย
with that, he began walked down the pathway to the house as you jumped out of the truck, genuinely contemplating for a moment.
either you go home which was twenty minutes away or go in and leave your pride right here.ย
fuck, you pride was still on the steps of that goddamn train station.ย
rain was soaking you all over again during the short sprint toward the front door.ย
โasshole.โ you stated as sukuna smirked.ย
โwitch.โ he replied as you huffed.ย
music and shouting echoed faintly inside once sukuna shoved the door open, warmth flooding over you once more as you shivered still, teeth chattering just the slightest bit.
you had to be on the verge of hypothermia.ย
the living room was crowded with frat boys sprawled across the couches and the carpeted floor, yelling over a cod match playing loudly on the tv, four boys taking a hold of their own controllers.ย
and you hated the way your eyes seeked him out almost instantly, eyes racking over the faceless boys before settling on the one face that no one could really miss.ย
satoru was stretched across the couch in grey sweats and a black compression shirt, controller loose in one hand while he laughed at something choso said beside him.ย
โhands off my shit, assholes.โ sukuna glared at the two pledges who had sukunaโs switch in their hands, their eyes instantly widening. you would bet on the fact that they had shit themselves right then and there.ย
sukunaโs booming voice had satoru glancing up and his gaze almost instantly flickered to you. you, you, you.ย
everything stopped, really and truly, satoru felt the moment shift.ย
his grin vanished instantly, and he could swear he was hallucinating.ย
the situation didnโt even register. why would you be here? why would you be with the likes of ryomen sukuna of all people?ย
though his mind embarrassingly often conjured up thoughts of you, the flushing of your cheeks, the softness of your hair, the way your lashes fluttered, he was still struck every single time he saw you.ย
โhey.โ the word left you then and he physically gulped.ย
his heart stilled momentarily and he knew he wasnโt going crazy then. this was no hallucination.ย
he could recall how soft your voice was, how gentle and calming despite your usual blunt nature but the underlying emotion, the shaky breath, the subtle depth he couldnโt conjure up. not in with his greatest efforts.ย
he knows because heโs tried.
โwhat the fuck?โย
you barely had time to react before he was standing before you, making it to you in three long strides, controller abandoned and game forgotten.
his eyes flicked over to sukuna, eyes unusually heated, โwhy the fuck-โ
sukuna was quick to interrupt him, โfound your girl wanderinโ the streets like a wet cat.โ
with that, the pink-haired frat boy made his way up to his room, allowing satoru to glare at him momentarily before deciding he had more important things to deal with.
his eyes dragged over you rapidly like he was checking for injuries.ย
you blinked once, eyes tinted a slight blue making his heart clench, โheโs insufferable.โย
satoru couldnโt stop the grin that split his lips then, eyes racking over the pretty expanse of your face, heart clenching in appreciation. he fucking missed you.
โyeah, thatโs sukuna for ya.โ
you merely hummed, a shiver taking over as satoru tutted once, hands reaching out and brushing over your soaked sleeves.
โhell, youโre freezing.โย
โiโm fine.โ you muttered through chattering teeth.ย
โyouโre shivering.โย
โthatโs how cold works, gojo.โ
his hands clenched at the name, huffing as he dragged you toward the stairs by your hand and youโd usually hate this, but you so desperately ached for the warmth you knew he could provide.ย
you needed a bath and a change of clothes yesterday.ย
the familiar expanse of his room was warm as he shoved the door open, immediately moving around the space while you hovered awkwardly near the entrance dripping rainwater on the floor.
โgo shower,โ satoru instantly began moving around the room, โiโll get you a change of clothes.โ
you blinked, swallowing down the urge to flee at the obvious concern in his tone.ย
a part of you wanted to make up an excuse and just go home, storm be damned.ย
except he looked so utterly real.ย
you never thought youโd envy satoru gojo, not in the slightest.ย
alas, here you were.ย
you desperately wanted to know how he did it. how he didnโt shy away from anything remotely out of his depth. how he was so unapologetically him in the most admirable way possible.ย
ugh, did you admire satoru of all people?ย
yes, you admired his ability to never run.ย
you wished you could be that brave.ย
โwhat are you doing?โ satoru stood there, a hoodie and plaid pajama pants in his hands.
โwhat?โ you uttered dumbly as the man scoffed.
โyouโre soaked.โย
โobservant.โย
satoru shot you a look before handing you the clothes and a soft grey towel, โsmartass.โย
you shook your head, eyes looking up at him in a way that made his ribs thump uncomfortably.ย
god, you couldnโt be real.ย
the way your lips were plump from your biting, cheeks flushed with the cold, eyes big and trusting in a way he hadnโt expected, the way your soaked tresses framed your pretty face.ย
you made him feel so much, he could barely stand.ย
โthey wonโt fit you, but whateverโฆโ he breathed out, as if someone had stolen it right from his lungs.ย
your gaze lingered on him longer than it ever had before because beneath all the attitude, he seemed worried. for you.ย
please, no no no no.ย
โthanks.โ you muttered quietly, eyes finally glancing away towards the clothes in hand, taking ahold of them before moving towards the bathroom.ย
you didnโt miss the way his expression had softened. dangerously so.ย
โ๏ธ
by the time youโd stepped out of the shower twenty minutes later, the storm had somehow gotten worse.ย
rain hammered violently against the windows while thunder rattled the room itself.
your damp hair clung to your skin under the large hoodie that had engulfed you entirely, his plaid pants being held up by your hair tie that had knotted the extra fabric.ย
satoru looked up from his phone the second youโd emerged, visibly freezing.ย
his eyes dragged over you slowly.ย
his clothes had swallowed you adorably, cheeks flushed from the heat of the shower this time and his chest physically ached in a way that had his jaw clenching.ย
something shifted in his ace instantly, something devastatingly soft.ย
โwhat.โ you demanded more than asked, shifting from one foot to the other.ย
satoru blinked once before shrugging, โnothing.โย
you glanced towards the window as lightning flashed outside, โstormโs bad.โ
โyeah,โ satoru muttered, eyes still fixed on you, โroadโs are fucked.โย
you reached for your phone instinctively before remembering your earlier issue.
โcan i use your charger?โย
โyea-โย
as if the world had it out for you, you specifically, darkness enveloped you whole then.ย
the light of the bathroom shut completely, the soft sound of his mini fridge stalling and everything went dark.ย
you couldnโt help the slight terror that brushed over you for a moment, โsatoru?!โ
โmโhere, baby, cโmere.โย
you felt a brush of something against your sleeve and you immediately followed his voice, huddling close as you heard the chaos of the boys downstairs.ย
โfucking fuck,โ satoru cursed as he let oit a breath, arm around your shoulders as he gently maneuvered you to take a seat on the edge of his bed, โmโgonna grab some candles. wait here, okay?โ
โwhere else would i go, gojo?โย
the man simply ignored your words, feeling his way through the darkness for his phone before finding it by the edge of his desk.ย
he turned the flash on, glancing at you once before making his way out of the room.ย
ten minutes later, the entirety of satoruโs room was littered with candles, setting the room aglow, a soft yellow and orange tone that flickered against the walls and ceiling.ย
it shouldโve felt eerie but instead, it felt strangely warm.ย
it was intimate in a way that made something beneath your ribs tighten.ย
satoru dripped back onto the floor beside the bed with a dramatic sigh, long legs stretched out in front of him as rain battered violently against the windows.ย
โwell,โ he muttered, running a hand through his hair, โthis is romantic.โ
you started blankly at the man, โfor who?โย
โme,โ he answered instantly, grinning obnoxiously, โyouโre in my clothes. powerโs out. surrounded by candlelightโฆthis should be our first date.โย
you couldnโt help the tilt of your lips at his utter ridiculousness.ย
โthere it is,โ he grinned softly, โlike striking gold. every time.โย
your brows furrowed, โwhat?โย
โthat tiny smile.โย
โiโm not smiling.โ you scoffed instantly, almost offended at the very prospect.
โokay, trouble, whatever you say.โย
you rolled your eyes once, huffing gently as your eyes roamed around his room.ย
it looked different in candlelight, softer and more boyish.ย
the pictures of him and his friends littered across his room in little glimpses of his life that you never really cared to ask about. it all seemed more endearing under the glow.ย
silence settled between you both, comfortable, which somehow felt more dangerous than the flirting.ย
your gaze drifted towards the mini fridge by his desk, โyou got anything to drink?โย
โmhm,โ satoru pushed himself up immediately before crouching beside it, โcherry coke, perhaps?"
your brows furrowed, โhow do you-โ
โyou told me.โ
how did he seem to continuously gather this information about you when you had no recollection of telling him about it?
you loved cherry coke, it was an absolute god send.ย
there was something so achingly nostalgic and delicious about it.ย
โfuckโฆโ satoru muttered as he reached into the fridge.ย
โwhat?โ
he turned slowly, holding up a single can of diet cherry coke. one.ย
โitโs mine.โ you stated with a furrow in your brow as satoru grinned menacingly.ย
โhmm, i dunnoโฆโ he muttered, allowing the door of the fridge to shut as he made his way back over, sitting back down with the coke in hand, โyโknow, you really put me on these. having one doesnโt sound so bad right now.โ
you glared at him, jaw clenching just a bit as you eyed the can in his hand, โgive it, gojo.โย
satoruโs eyes brightened, โalright, yeah, i will...if you agree to play a game with me.โ
your eyes narrowed at the man, distrusting but also contemplative.ย
you really wanted a cherry coke right now.ย
โwhat game?โย
and you could physically see the shift in his gaze, the way his blue eyes had been overcome with something dangerous, borderlining on menacing as he leaned back on the side of the bed, one knee bent lazily.ย
โtruth or strip.โย
you stared at him blankly, โare you twelve?โย
satoru shrugged with a hum, eyes glancing down to the can in hand, long fingers cracking open the can with menacing cruelty, โiโll just take my drink then.โย
you narrowed your eyes at him as he lofted the can to his lips, the soft fizz from the inside mocking you as he took a sip.ย
โfine.โย
satoru pulled the can away from his lips, a smirk painting his features as his head tilted at you, tonguing the inside of his cheek just the slightest bit.ย
โgood girl,โ he stated with a grin before sitting up properly, โrules of the game. each of us gets to ask a question in turns. about anything and everything. and the other has to be honest. if youโre not, you lose. if you donโt wanna answer a question, strip one item of clothing.โย
your brows furrowed, โand how will we know if the other is lying?โย
satoru smirked, โbecause i pinky promise i wonโt lie.โย
you rolled your eyes at the mocking tone of his words, his pinky held out as you eyed him with mild irritation.ย
you clasped your finger around his anyways, โfine. give me the coke.โย
just like that, the can of coke was in your hands and you were in satoruโs.ย
โ๏ธ
โhow is beautiful boy your favorite movie? itโs so depressing!โ satoru argued as he laid on his back on the floor while you remained in a criss cross position across from him.
satoru was now shirtless and you were missing both of your socks which he claimed was cheating.ย
โgojo, you cannot argue and ask more questions about every single answer i give you.โ you stated for what might possibly be the fifth time.ย
satoru huffed gently, head turning to glance up at you, โyouโre a sociopath.โ
you merely rolled your eyes, taking a sip of your coke as you glanced at his bare chest and abs where the candlelight flickered nicely. he looked good.ย
โyour turn, trouble.โย
you hummed before glancing around his room, as if it would magically conjure up some questions to ask.ย
your eyes fell upon a picture of a younger satoru gojo beside an older woman with the same striking blue eyes and stark white hair.ย
โare you close with your parents?โย
a lame question, really, but this was hard for you.ย
you hated receiving questions, let alone asking them.ย
and to be completely honest, you didn't really care to. you didnโt need to know satoru like that, you knew enough. you knew what you needed to know.ย
except, something came over satoru then, in a way youโd never seen before. his eyes, usually expressive and carrying his emotions like a blanket, grew blank in a way that was all too familiar to you.
you watched him for a moment, the way his eyes casted over with something you couldnโt name, his jaw clenching along with it.ย
โmy mom, yeah.โย
his voice carried a heaviness you never really found with satoru, something so utterly different than his usual light-heartedness.ย
his eyes didnโt meet yours and silence followed.ย
again, you didn't really want to particularly pry so you let it go. but you did store away that little piece of information away.ย
stupid damn game.ย
โmy turn,โ as if a switch flipped, he was grinning again, the cloudiness in his gaze dwindling as he looked up at you, โwhy do you go back to the city so often?โย
your heart thumped once, hand tightening against the drink in your hand.ย
you had your pants and hoodie left, meaning only two more questions you could dodge. fuck.ย
โi visit my brothers.โ you answered simply, taking a sip of your drink as satoru watched you like he couch read your very thoughts as they conjured up.ย
you think it was his eyes, they were always way too intense for possibly anyone he was speaking to.ย
โare you close with them-โ
โagain with the follow up questions, gojo.โ you stated in irritation as you traced the rim of the can in hand, satoru sitting up and leaning against the bedframe beside you, his shoulder brushing yours.ย
and you didnโt know if it was the heat of him beside you or the candlelit room that made you stupidly utter, โhave you ever been in love?โย
satoru paused, head leaning back against the bed, tilted to the side so he gazed upon the side of your face. you looked up slowly, eyes meeting his and his breath hitched.ย
satoru pondered it for a moment. had he been in love? no.ย
mostly because he never gave anyone the chance.ย
โno, i donโt think i haveโฆโ satoru muttered, breath fanning the softness of your face. he was so close, โdonโt think i ever wanted someone long enough.โย
fair enough. you simply hummed in understanding as you took a sip of your coke.ย
โright back at ya.โ satoru whispered as you swallowed softly.ย
have you ever been in love?
โumm, no.โ you replied with a small shrug, โno, i donโt think i have.โย
satoru wasnโt surprised, โwhy?โ
this time, you merely shot him a glare at his question and he smirked softly, though there was no teasing beneath it.ย
you were aware of the subtle shift, of the tension that had been building since he suggested this stupid game. you ignored it.ย
โwhy are you not close with your dad?โย
really, it didnโt matter if he answered or not but you knew this had to be a touchy subject based on his previous answer, so there was a higher likelihood of him stripping.ย
satoruโs jaw clenched once before he began tugging his sweats off, now only in his black briefs.ย
โwhy do you always rush away after sex?โ he questioned as you paused momentarily.ย
and just like that, you were shrugging his hoodie up and over your head, except you werenโt wearing a bra because it was currently damp with rain and drying on his bathtub.ย
your forearm spread over your tits as satoru watched you like something holy, as if he hadnโt seen you topless multiple times beforehand.ย
still, his jaw clenched with effort, eyes gazing upon familiar exposed skin, beauty marks littering here and there, little constellations heโd traced with his tongue more times than he could count.ย
under the soft glow of the candles, you looked impossibly pretty, it made him instantly strain against his boxers. fuck, you were gonna make him insane.ย
โnothinโ i havenโt seen before, babyโฆโ satoru drawled lowly, eyes hooded and tracing your skin as you huffed gently.ย
you could tell he was growing aroused, the game coming to a close sooner than youโd anticipated. you recognized the look in his eyes, the half lidded nature, the baby that only left him during sex.ย
โmy turn,โ you muttered, eyes trained on him and his never left yours, โwhy do you always try to make things weird?โย
satoru groaned lowly as he immediately began shrugging off his briefs, as if he hadnโt even registered the question, but merely wanted to get naked for you.ย
and naked, he was.ย
satoru gojo completely bare and exposed beneath the warm glow of candlelight was honestly a ridiculous sight. ridiculous because truly, no one should be able to look that good.ย
his snowy locks were messy from his tugging, ocean eyes dark and heavy as they traced over you slowly. the bar skin of your stomach, your wide eyes, every miniscule expression that you tried so desperately to suppress. like he wanted to commit it all to memory.ย
you swallowed softly and satoru watched with a heavy gaze, โyour turn.โ
you had expected satoru to say hell with the game and pull you into him, however, you underestimated just how much satoru wanted to know. just how badly he needed to know more.ย
โtell me more about your brothers.โ
โthatโs not a question.โ
โcan you tell me more about your brothers?โ
you glared at the man, โthat doesnโt count.โย
satoru scoffed instantly, โyes, it does.โย
you huffed gently, shuffling onto your feet, standing before the man as he looked up at you with eyes so utterly devoted, filled with desire you could barely comprehend.ย
in one smooth motion, you tugged at your hair tie by your hip, allowing the plaid pants to pool at your feet, standing completely bare in front of a man who looked hungry.ย
โfuckinโ hell, babyโฆโย
satoru was quick to tug you down onto the carpeted floor, your hair fanning around you in a halo that revealed you as the angel you surely had to be.ย
the rain tapped against the window in harsh motions as your chest heaved, satoru hovering above you, breathing uneven as his lips brushed against yours.ย
you were so fucking beautiful.
โgame over, huh,โ satoruโs lips met yours with fervor then, slotting against your own as you moaned into him, back arching as your breasts brushed against his chest.ย
his tongue swept across your bottom lip before nibbling gently, causing a low whimper to escape the back of your throat making satoru groan against you.ย
you pressed against his chest gently as he conceded, allowing you to catch your breath while he pressed wet kisses down the expanse of your jaw to the sensitive skin beneath your ear.ย
โyou make me fuckinโ insane, yโknow that?โ satoru muttered breathlessly as you nodded against him mindlessly making him smirk just a bit at how dumb youโd already gotten, high off of him and him alone.ย
fuck, he was only getting started.ย
โ๏ธ
the room smelled faintly of rain and the sandalwood candle that was slowly melting beside the bed.ย
your heartbeat was still erratic as your head rested against satoruโs chest while his fingers dragged lazily up and down your spine, as if coaxing you back down.ย
it was all comfortable, too comfortable.ย
this was the part where youโd usually begin coming to your senses and getting dressed, except there was a whole storm outside, meaning you had nowhere to go.ย
you stared blankly at the light dancing across the ceiling while satoru played absentmindedly with the ends of your damp hair.ย
you felt the rising urge to panic, to flee, to run, but where would you go?ย
you were trapped.ย
โyou okay?โ satoru muttered eventually, voice rough with exhaustion as you hummed once, โalrightโฆmโgonna shower before the hot water disappears.โ
you merely shifted away from him as he made his way into the bathroom without a word, the sound of the shower starting moments later.ย
then silence settled over the room once more.ย
when he showered is when youโd usually make your escape.ย
you exhaled slowly before sitting up, tugging the blanket tighter around yourself.ย
you swung your legs over the side of the bed, yawning gently as you made your way to the fridge by his desk, desperate for something to soothe your hoarse throat from earlier.ย
the little fridge hummed softly when you opened it and your eyes immediately landed on it.ย
a can of diet cherry coke.ย
cold condensation clung to the red aluminum beneath the dim candlelight.ย
you stared at it blankly for a moment. then the other one tucked behind it. and another behind that.ย
that little shit.ย
a laugh almost escaped you then, quiet and disbelieving, a realization settling beneath your ribs.ย
heโd fucking played you. just to play a stupid game.ย
your fingers brushed against the cold can thoughtfully as the shower continued running in the next room.ย
fair fucking play.
โ๏ธ
a/n - such a long time coming omg! this chapter is more world building than plot but more plot will comeee! i lowk shortened it cuz i hate when a chapter feels packed so :( anyways ch5 next weeek
โAt twenty-five, you finally move into your first apartmentโcozy, charming, and perfectly yoursโฆ until you discover itโs already occupied. By a demon. Not just any demon, but Ryomen Sukuna, a 1,200-year-old, four-armed, four-eyed nightmare who was accidentally summoned by a past tenant and bound to the next person who dwells there. Only you can see him, and while at first youโre terrifiedโconvinced heโll kill youโyou slowly realize heโs more of a rude, spoiled, bratty giant than a monster. What begins as torment and sleepless nights turns into a strange companionship, then something deeper: a possessive, twisted, hilariously chaotic relationship where Sukuna insists youโre his, whether you like it or not.โ
cw ; mdni โข 18+ only. contains explicit sexual themes and content. use of alcohol. smut . I mean he's a demon, that should be a warning
main masterlist
โข there is a demon in my house
โข grocery runs with a bratty demon
โข birthday dinner with my friends, and my demon boyfriendย
โข demon boyfriend fights
โข the secrets my demon boyfriend keeps from me
โข taking my demon boyfriend shopping
โข my demon boyfriend & friends???
โข my soft demon boyfriend
โข my demon boyfriend with my family
โข my demon boyfriend & our cats
โข my demon boyfriend & baby talk??
โข my demon boyfriend cornered me
โข the flu with my demon boyfriend
โข my demon boyfriend & my mother who interrupts
โข my demon boyfriend at a ball game
โข midnight shenanigans with my demon boyfriend
โข demon boyfriend fights... part II
โข demon boyfriend & announcements
โข the day my parents found out about my demon boyfriends secret
โข my demon boyfriend helps me
โข my demon boyfriend & a baby shower
โข my demon boyfriend & our very real baby
sum: Shoko has told you the curse would wear out by the next two days. Forty-Eight hours. So why is it you are still having to deal with Sukuna on the third consecutive day of that bullshit?
tags: angst, true form sukuna, everyone is alive and teaching on jujutsu high, yeah sukuna too, you and sukuna are worse than sukuna and gojo in the bickering, this curse is a damn parasitic piece of shit, some yearning happening right there if you pay attention, then I'll crash it and break it in front of your eyes!, also there will be a third part because I won't be leaving it on this tone AND because Lacqueur keeps doing pink art so it's only natural I keep writing for it.
Part one: Tainted Love.
art by: @lacquerheadd
By the third night, you know the whole shape of Sukunaโs sleep.
You know the way his weight settles slowly, not all at once, like a mountain lowering itself with deliberate care over the same patch of land until the ground stops protesting and simply accepts it. You know the difference between the moments when he is only dozing and the ones when he has actually dropped into real rest, because the tension leaves him in layers.
First his shoulders. Then the line of his jaw. Then those broad hands that can split concrete like stale bread finally unclench where they rest against you.
You know the rhythm of his breathing now too.
Deep. Quiet. Steady enough to lull you if you let it.
It bothers you, but the problem is that it is also almost midnight on the third day since the curse latched onto him, and you are half trapped under the strongest sorcerer in history on his ridiculous bed, staring at the dark ceiling and counting the beats of your own pulse because you cannot understand why this still has not ended.
It was supposed to last two days.
Forty-eight hours, Shoko said. Maximum.
Now the second night has come and gone, the third has nearly burned itself down into morning, and Sukuna is still very much draped over you as if you belong there. One lower arm heavy over your waist. Another thrown over your thighs to keep you close. One upper hand resting open on your stomach like he placed it there in his sleep to make sure you remained within reach. The other bent above your head, long fingers loose against the pillow.
He is sleeping peacefully.
Peacefully.
That part alone almost annoys you enough to keep you awake for the whole night.
You are the one with a storm churning behind your ribs. You are the one running numbers and possibilities and consequences until your head hurts. He, meanwhile, lies half on top of you in profound, infuriating comfort, all that impossible size and heat turned tame by slumber. Like a princess. His face is angled toward your neck. His breath brushes warm against your skin every few seconds.
If someone had told you a week ago that you would spend three nights like this, tucked under Ryomen Sukuna like something he curls around instinctively, you would have laughed until you choked and then probably kicked this someoneโs ass for suggesting such an absurd and borderline insulting situation.
Now you only stare into the dark and wonder what is going to be left of your life if this does not stop.
Shoko does not know what will happen when โ if โ it breaks. She admitted as much over text that afternoon in the clipped, irritated way she has when facts refuse to behave for her to study. No one knows whether he will remember the last days clearly. No one knows whether the emotions imposed by the curse will peel away cleanly or leave residue. No one knows if he will feel humiliated, enraged, indifferent, or amused.
You do not know which of those possibilities would be worst.
The version where he forgets is its own kind of horror.
The version where he remembers everything is another.
You cannot decide which one makes your stomach sink harder.
He shifts in his sleep. The mattress dips more under his hips, the hand on your stomach flexing once before going still again. Your whole body goes alert on reflex and then softens against your own will when he only presses his face a fraction deeper into the crook of your neck, seeking heat without waking.
You close your eyes for a second.
The two days behind you have been tooโฆ soft.
Not just inconveniently gentle, no, that would be manageable, you think. Not merely tolerable either, thatโs just the overall definition of your days at the missions you share with him. No, they were soft in a way that has gotten under your skin and stayed there. Soft in ways you let yourself have because you were exhausted and angry and so starved for the absence of vigilance that the minute you realized you did not have to keep your shoulders high and your jaw tight around him, you let go more than you should have.
You let him fix the collar of the yukata he found for you after noticing you kept tugging the borrowed kimono one closed.
You let him fuss.
The memory of that makes your mouth twitch despite yourself.
He had stood behind you that morning by the mirror, all scowl and concentration, muttering about how the fold sat wrong and how you were somehow wearing it like an amateur insult to fabric. One upper pair of hands had redone the collar with sharp, efficient movements while the lower pair kept the robe steady at your shoulders and waist. You had expected smugness. Instead he had been almost offended by the task itself, like cloth daring not to sit well on you was a personal slight to him.
When he finished, he had looked at your reflection over your shoulder and said, with dreadful severity,
โBetter.โ
You had told him he sounded like an old woman fixing her grandchild for a festival.
He had stared down at you for one long beat and answered,
โIf you continue moving like a startled animal every time I touch your sleeve, I will carry you there like one.โ
You had laughed. Actually laughed, sudden and helpless, because he had been so grave about it that it broke something loose in you. The expression on his face afterward, faintly affronted and faintly pleased, had nearly made you laugh harder.
That had been the second morning.
Then there had been the market trip.
You had only agreed because there were vegetables he wanted that the small convenience store near his place did not carry, and because you needed air that did not smell like him for at least half an hour before your thoughts turned to paste. You had expected an ordeal. Sukuna in public seemed like a threat to social order on principle.
Instead, he had been strange in an entirely different direction.
He walked beside you with one hand at the small of your back whenever crowds got too close. He carried the basket despite the fact that four arms made him look absurdly overqualified for grocery errands. He argued with a tomato vendor over the quality of produce with the same deadly seriousness he usually reserved for combat analysis. He stole one bite of the sweet bun you bought at the register, declared it mediocre, and then finished the rest of it when you handed it over because, in his words, โYou clearly chose poorly. I am fixing the mistake.โ
By the time you both got home with bags hanging from three of his hands and one bag hooked over your own wrist, you had already realized something else.
He behaves like a house cat.
A monstrous, spoiled, overgrown house cat with enough power to level a city block, but still.
The signs are all there once you start noticing them.
He appears silently when you are doing something and pretends not to care while hovering a foot too close. He picks the warmest place in any room and takes it as if the concept of permission was invented for lesser beings. He can be insufferably aloof for ten minutes and then abruptly decide your lap, your shoulder, or your general proximity is his now. He resents being ignored. He resents being fussed over. He resents closed doors if you are behind them. He looks at you with open disdain when you make him wait and then acts as if your attention is some rightful due the instant you turn back to him.
And once you notice it, you cannot unsee it.
He had even blinked slowly at you from across the kitchen table after lunch that day when you caught him watching you and asked what the hell his problem was.
You had burst out laughing again then too.
He had narrowed his eyes.
โExplain.โ
โYouโre a cat.โ
He had taken offense to that with such dignified outrage that you had to excuse yourself and lean against the counter until your face stopped hurting.
You rub your own face against the pillow now and breathe out through your nose.
Too soft.
Too easy.
Too dangerous.
Because the longer it drags on, the more the future begins to warp around it in ugly ways. Yaga had been half-joking and half-not when he told you to keep Sukuna contained. You know that tone. The school has always tolerated monstrous arrangements when the alternative is disaster. If this curse persists long enough, if Shoko cannot reverse it, if Sukuna grows volatile whenever he is not allowed near you, people will start making practical suggestions with polite voices and rotten implications.
Can you manage him?
Would you be willing to spend more time with him temporarily?
Could your schedule be adjusted?
Could missions be reassigned?
Could housing be reconsidered for the sake of stability?
At what point does babysitting become a job description?
At what point does a joke become policy?
The thought of it makes your chest tighten. You did not claw your way into teaching, did not work through endless paperwork and grief and late nights and battlefields and stubborn children and stubborn adults, just to become some domestication project for the Calamity because the administration finds it more convenient than risk.
You love teaching.
That truth sits in you with the weight of bone.
You love classrooms and chalk dust and the moment a studentโs expression changes because something finally clicks. You love dragging intelligence out of kids who thought all brute force and talent were enough. You love teaching them how to survive and think and adapt and not die for stupid reasons. You love watching them become dangerous in the right ways.
You do not want to be reduced to the one person Sukuna behaves for.
You do not want to trade your life for containment.
And worst of all, you do not want to build yourself around feelings that are not real.
That is the part that tastes bitter every time you think too long about how nice the last two days have felt.
If his gentleness is only the curse, then it is nothing you can keep.
If his attention, his quiet hovering, the ridiculous care with your clothes, the food, the bed, the way he has looked at you like you are worth steadying instead of provoking โ if all of that belongs to a delusion, then leaning into it is only another kind of self-harm.
You deserve more than counterfeit tenderness.
You know you do.
So why does knowing that not make it easier to pull away?
His thumb shifts in his sleep, a slow drag against your stomach through the thin fabric you changed into hours ago. The touch is accidental. It still sends a small, traitorous wave of warmth through you.
You hate that too.
Morning comes pale and stubborn through the gaps in the curtains.
You wake before he does, which is rare enough now that it feels like a victory. For a little while you lie still and take inventory. One leg numb. Shoulder warm where his chest has leaned against it for most of the night. Hair tangled. Mouth dry. Mind already running.
You reach for your phone carefully, inch by inch, until your fingertips brush it on the bedside table.
Shoko answers almost immediately to your message.
Still on him. Third day. He seems worse if anything.
You stare at the dots appearing and disappearing on the screen.
That shouldnโt be possible, comes her reply after a moment. Weโre rerunning everything. Nanami is helping and being annoying about it. Donโt let him out of your sight.
As if that part is difficult.
He rarely lets you out of his anyway.
Another message comes.
If this persists past today, weโll need to treat it like a new case entirely.
You swallow the knot that has formed inside your throat.
Untangling from him is hard, but itโs manageable, so you do it and pad out of the bedroom.
Kitchen. Coffee. Focus.
You had escaped the bed, showered, changed into the better-fitted yukata he had somehow produced for you from a store run that must have happened before you stirred, and perched yourself on one of the tall stools with your coffee and your phone, trying to build a plan before he started insisting on ruining it.
Your fingers hover above the keyboard. Before you can type back, heat blooms suddenly at your spine and then two strong lower arms slide around your middle from behind.
Apparently you lost the race.
You jolt so hard the mug by your plate clinks against the counter.
Sukuna folds himself against your back as if he has every damn right to do so. His chin settles on your shoulder, warm, heavy. Damp hair brushes your cheek. The smell of clean skin and soap, fresh shower steam, and that faint sandalwood scent you now associate with his clothes slides around you before you can brace for it.
โWho are you speaking to?โ he drawls.
His voice is rough from sleep and low enough to slide straight under your skin. It takes all of you not to roll your eyes back under your eyelids and take a deep breath โ not from annoyance, though, from something way more humiliating than that.
You glance down and make the mistake of noticing bare skin at the edges of your vision. He is fresh from the shower. Shirtless. A towel wrapped low around his waist and nothing else. His chest presses hot against your back. The tattoos over his arms look darker with beads of water still clinging to some lines. Heat from his body sinks through the fabric at your spine so quickly it makes your breath hitch.
You freeze for one stupid second.
Then you remember words.
โUnlike you,โ you say, forcing your voice into something dry and unimpressed, โI am a responsible teacher and actually care about my studentsโ futures.โ
He clicks his tongue beside your ear.
โThe substitutes are paid to care about that now.โ
โThey should not be taking my classes when I am fully capable of doing my job.โ
โYou are capable of staying still and being fed. That is enough.โ
He says it with such maddening conviction that irritation sparks clean through the awkward heat. You try to angle away, but his lower arms tighten around your waist just enough to hold you in place. At the same time his upper hands slide over yours where they still cradle the warm mug on the counter.
His fingers are damp and warm too.
He peels your hands gently from the ceramic and brings them together against your chest, trapping them there with one hand while the other smooths over your knuckles like he is the one soothing you. His cheek drifts along the side of yours, slow and shameless as he is, and then his mouth touches the slope of your shoulder through the open edge of the yukata.
One kiss.
Then another closer to your neck.
The shiver that runs through you is vicious.
He purrs, actually purrs, a low satisfied sound in the back of his throat before murmuring beside your ear,
โThe substitutes can manage a little longer. I would rather enjoy my wife.โ
You bite your tongue so hard you taste iron.
Every nerve in your body seems to light up at once. Heat floods your face, your throat, lower, everywhere. If you let yourself make a sound it will be a humiliating one, and you hate that you know it.
It is not real, you remind yourself violently.
He is cursed.
This is not real.
You use that thought like a lever, wrenching yourself back into motion. You twist sideways and drop off the stool before his grip can adjust. Your feet hit the floor a little too hard, and it may be a mistake because now you are face to face with the full problem of him.
Fresh from the shower.
Towel low on his hips.
Bare chest.
Tattoos stark on his skin.
Damp strands of pink hair falling over his forehead.
Morning light hitting the planes of muscle and ink over him in pale gold and making every hard line of him look even more unreasonably dramatic.
For one awful second your heart feels like it either stops or starts beating so fast it vanishes altogether.
He lifts a brow at your expression.
You begin talking immediately because silence would kill you.
โIโI need to change,โ you stutter, which is not an excuse so much as a panic with a little grammar.
His mouth tips up.
That nearly sends you fleeing faster.
You skirt around him, grab the first shreds of dignity still fluttering in your chest, and march to his bedroom with speed that only barely avoids becoming a run. You can call it powerwalking if it saves you some of that dignity.
Your clothes are where you left them after washing them on the second day โ folded in a neat little pile on the chair near the bed. You had kept putting off wearing them again because the yukata was comfortable and because he looked weirdly pleased every time he saw you in it, which had become its own private source of amusement.
That amusement is gone now.
You drag off the robe, shove yourself into your shirt and pants, and are crouched with one sock halfway on when the doorway darkens.
Fucking hell.
Sukuna fills it.
Arms folded now. Towel still on. Head tilted just slightly.
โWhere do you think youโre going with such urgency?โ
You stand too fast, your leather belt in hand ready to be looped around your pants, and nearly trip over the edge of the rug.
โI need to talk to Yaga.โ
โThatโs bullshit.โ
The bluntness of it makes you bristle.
โExcuse me?โ
โYou do not need to speak to anyone. You need to stop running in circles and let me take care of you.โ
He says it while crossing the room, and before you can angle around him he crowds you back, step by step, until the backs of your knees hit the edge of the bed and buckle. You drop onto the mattress with a soft curse, your belt still looped in your fist.
His smile is immediate.
It is not kind. It is not especially cruel either, but that isnโt really soothing. It is delighted, which is concerning for you. Victorious in that small, smug way that makes you want to throw a shoe at his face.
โOh, you enjoy this,โ you mutter, a bit alarmed.
โImmensely.โ
You backpedal on your hands once as he leans closer and towers over you.
He catches your ankle with one lower hand and drags you back exactly where he wants you, slow enough to make it obvious he is toying with you. The mattress shifts under his weight when he climbs up one knee at a time, looming over you with open amusement all over his face.
You should not notice how pretty he is like this.
Unfortunately your eyes work.
The tattoos. The broad chest. The water still tracking from his hair down the side of his throat. The flash of teeth in that terrible grin.
You school your face into a kind of surrender and let him mistake the stillness for giving in.
Then, the instant he lowers himself enough, you move.
Fast.
Your belt whips up and around his throat before the expression on his face can fully change. You jam the strap through the buckle in one practiced motion and yank it into a makeshift collar. His eyes widen โ actually widen, not by much but enough to count as astonishment on him โ and that tiny sliver of surprise is all you need.
You wrap your legs around his waist, use his own forward momentum against him, and roll.
He lands on his back with a heavy thud into the mattress.
You land astride his abdomen in the same breath, knees braced, belt pulled taut in both hands.
The grin that spreads over his face afterward is so feral it should probably frighten you more than it does.
Instead it mostly infuriates you.
Why is this man such a smug sleek motherfucker?
His upper hands rise slowly, palms open in a parody of surrender. His lower pair settle right on the sides of your thighs as if he cannot be bothered to pretend he is not enjoying this.
You wind the loose end of the belt around your fist for leverage and plant your free hand in the center of his chest to keep yourself steady.
He is hot.
Obscenely hot.
The heat of him blasts through your palm, through your pants where you sit over him, through every point of contact until it becomes a nuisance of its own.
โBehave,โ you tell him, out of breath with effort and annoyance both, โor Iโm putting you under.โ
All four eyes narrow.
He is daring you.
You can tell by the exact angle of his chin, the tilt of his mouth, the challenge coiled in every inch of him. He thinks you will not do it. Or maybe he wants to see if you will.
So you raise your chin back at him and call the bluff.
โDo you really want me to scramble your head,โ you say, tightening the belt just enough to prove the point, โuntil you feel drunk and useless and canโt spend your precious time off with your wife?โ
The word works visibly.
Not in shame. Not in softness. In cold calculation.
He goes still for a beat, then sneers lightly as if agreeing costs him something.
That is how you end up standing at the edge of the bed a few minutes later, one hand gripping the improvised leash of your own belt while Sukuna, still smug, still shirtless, digs out clothes from a cabinet as if this is a perfectly normal arrangement.
You fix your gaze on the wall.
Not his back. Not his arms. Not anything lower than his throat.
โYou are making this weirder, wife,โ he drawls.
โYou made this weird three days ago.โ
โYou are the one holding a leash as if about to walk me out like a dog.โ
โYou need one. A muzzle too.โ
His laugh is low and rich enough to make your stomach do something stupid.
You hate that.
Eventually practicality forces change. He cannot get a shirt on without your belt coming off, and you know perfectly well the restraint only works because he is letting it. He could cut leather faster than you could blink if he chose. The knowledge takes some of the triumph out of it, but not enough to stop you from savoring the absurdity while it lasts.
When he is in pants and shoes and finally a shirt, you loosen the belt and step back.
He does not attack. Does not grab. Does not even move first.
He only looks at you, dressed now and more decent, and says,
โI want to take you out.โ
You blink.
โAs in a date or murder? Both things seem like common suggestions youโd make, โgotta check.โ
He glares at you like youโre the least funny person alive but he somehow still likes you.
โA date.โ
โNo.โ
โYes.โ
โIf youโre already deciding for me, why the fuck you ask?โ
โPoliteness,โ he deadpans.
You massage your temples.
โI need to talk to Yaga about what happens if this curse decides to ignore every precedent in recorded history.โ
โThat can wait until tomorrow.โ
โIt is tomorrow.โ
โThen later.โ
You drop your hands and stare at him.
He stares back.
The silence stretches.
The maddening part is that he means it. Entirely. There is no game-face on him right then, none of the obvious needling. He truly wants to take you out like this is the most reasonable use of a day when both of you are technically supposed to be at work.
You should refuse, right?
Instead you think about the ceiling over his bed in the dark. About the squeeze in your chest every time you picture the school making this arrangement permanent if the curse drags on. About how thin your nerves have been for months even before all this. About the fact that you have not had a single uncomplicated day in longer than you want to count.
Your shoulders sag.
โFine,โ you say. โOne day.โ
His smile then is smaller than usual.
More satisfied than triumphant.
You would later think that might have been your first clue that the day was not going to play fair.
He takes you to brunch first.
Not somewhere sleek and dramatic like you would have guessed. Not the kind of place a man like Sukuna seems built for. He leads you instead to a narrow little family-run spot tucked between two older buildings, with warm wooden tables, handwritten specials on a board out front, and wind chimes at the door that ring softly when you step inside.
The owner looks up from behind the counter and brightens.
โAh,โ she says, as if Sukuna arriving with you is only mildly surprising. โYou came back.โ
Came back?
You turn to look at him.
He looks annoyed to have been perceived, which answers nothing.
The woman smiles at you next, warm, and asks if you would like the same set he usually orders because it is very good and he has better taste in breakfast than in conversation.
You cannot help it. You laugh.
Sukuna clicks his tongue.
โYou are speaking too much.โ
โSheโs right?โ you guess.
The owner pats your hand as she passes you menus anyway, but you end up ordering what she recommended.
It arrives steaming and fragrant and perfect in that quiet, domestic way that hurts a little because it makes the morning feel so normal. Rice soft and warm. Miso rich without being heavy. Fish cooked just right. Pickles bright enough to cut through everything else. Tea that tastes like comfort.
Sukuna eats with the same concentration he brings to everything worthwhile. He does not make small talk. He does, however, move one dish a little closer to you when he notices you like it, and later without comment he switches cups because yours has cooled too much and his is still hot.
You notice.
He notices you noticing.
Neither of you says anything.
After brunch he walks you by the lake because, as he tells you with the gravity of a man announcing military strategy, there is a small festival and apparently โthe children are performing useless but interesting tricks.โ
The children in question are young sorcerers no older than twelve, gathered on a temporary little stage with banners tied between poles and lanterns waiting to be lit for evening. They are doing theatrical demonstrations of cursed techniques for parents and older siblings and anyone else willing to clap loudly enough to make them feel like legends.
One little girl makes paper charms bloom into tiny birds of light. A boy barely taller than your hip uses his cursed energy to stack stones in midair with all the concentration of a surgeon. Another child produces such a dramatic plume of sparks that the instructor backstage flinches and yells for him to tone it down.
It is heartwarming in the most dangerous way.
Because you forget for stretches at a time.
You forget that this is Sukuna beside you.
You forget he is cursed.
You forget that this is not a date and start treating it like one.
You forget you should not, for your own sake, enjoy spending time with him.
He makes dry, terrible comments under his breath about posture, timing, showmanship. You laugh at them because they are legitimately funny in an assholeish way. He reaches up when you pause under a flowering tree and stare too long at a bloom caught high overhead, and a second later he is handing you the flower like it is nothing to pluck beauty from above your reach. His fingers brush yours when you take it. You tuck it behind your ear without thinking, and when you look back at him he is already looking.
The warmth that moves through you then is smaller than embarrassment and deeper than simple pleasure โ something far more dangerous.
Something with roots.
He keeps close all afternoon.
Sometimes he holds your hand with one of his, enveloping it entirely, your fingers nearly disappearing in his grip. Sometimes one arm rests around your waist while the others hang free or carry whatever stupid little thing he bought you after you lingered too long near a stall. At one point you catch yourself leaning into that arm without realizing it. At another you say something half under your breath and he bends immediately, closer, because he refuses to make you repeat yourself into the air between your heights.
These are little things.
That is why they work so well.
By the time evening gathers properly over the lake and lights come on in strings over the water, you are tired in that pleasant, dissolving way that comes from being cared for just enough to stop fighting yourself.
Dinner is nicer, you admit.
He picks a place with a private little table near a wide window looking over the city, the skyline reflecting in dark glass as the night deepens outside. The room is low-lit and elegant without being stiff or corny. Wine arrives. Then more wine. The meal is expensive enough that you only realize how much when you look at the menu after already ordering, and Sukuna treats your quiet alarm with total indifference.
โYou are not paying,โ he says and itโs final.
You wonโt argue, your salary as a teacher is not the best one and both of you know it.
The red wine is good. Very, very good. It loosens the last knots in your shoulders and paints a soft heat under your skin that has nothing to do with him, except that he watches the effects of it with an expression you cannot decipher.
You both talk more over dinner than you have in any corridor or mission debrief in all the time you have known each other.
Not about the curse.
About food. Teaching. Which students might be dead by thirty if they keep making the same idiotic decisions. The most absurd mission reports you have both ever had to file. Why Nanamiโs handwriting somehow looks judgmental. Why Gojo is not allowed to choose restaurant reservations anymore after the incident with the live eel. The fact that Sukuna apparently knows far more about seasoning than you ever imagined and seems personally insulted by bland soup.
He says something so dry about Yagaโs face when first-years improvise that wine almost comes out your nose.
You laugh until your eyes sting.
He watches you do it.
And again, because the day keeps cheating, you forget.
Afterward you end up back by the lake from earlier, the festival quieter now, most families gone home, lanterns burning low and the full moon reflected over the dark water like a second world laid flat beneath the first.
The bench is cool under your thighs.
Sukuna sits beside you, one arm along the back of it behind your shoulders, close but not trapping. The night air carries damp grass, lake water, the faint sweetness of fried batter lingering from the festival stalls, and the clean bite of autumn waiting in the edges.
You are full, warm, a little tipsy, and dangerously relaxed.
When you snort at one of his comments and let your head come to rest on his shoulder, it feels almost inevitable by then.
His shoulder is broad and hard under the fabric of his shirt. Warm. Steady.
He tips his head just enough for his mouth to brush the top of your hair.
You close your eyes.
โThis is nice,โ you admit quietly. โWould be nicer if it was real.โ
There is a pause.
Then his mouth moves again against your hairline, gentler this time.
โWhat do you mean, if it was real?โ
The question threads through you like a pin.
You had not realized you said the second half aloud.
Slowly you lift your head and turn to look at him better.
His face is closer than you expected. Close enough that you can see how the moonlight catches along the bridge of his nose, how the red of his eyes darkens almost toward black at the rims, how his lashes cast faint shadows you hate noticing on a man you would usually rather strangle.
You take a breath.
โYouโre cursed, Sukuna,โ you say softly.
Nothing in his face changes.
Encouraged by the stillness, by the wine, by the day, by the terrible hope that honesty might be kinder than pretending, you keep going.
โYou have been cursed for three days,โ you tell him. โYou believe Iโm your wife. Thereโs nothing Iโve said that convinces you otherwise. It was supposed to wear off by last night, but apparently it didnโt.โ
Still no reaction. Not the one you expect.
Your nerves start to prickle.
You push on anyway because you need to get it out before the softness of the day becomes something you cannot separate from wanting.
โToday was good,โ you say and itโs almost painful. โReally good. And it would have beenโฆโ You stop, swallow, start again with more effort. โIt would have been nice if it were true. But it isnโt. Itโs a curse acting through you. Itโs not you.โ
His gaze lowers a fraction.
To your mouth.
You only notice because the movement is slight enough to make your own breath catch.
Then he leans closer.
His hand comes up and cups your face โ you do not know when it moved there.
One second your skin is bare to the night air, the next his palm is warm and broad against your cheek, thumb resting just beneath your lower lip. His lower eyes stay on your mouth. His upper pair fix on your eyes with unnerving steadiness.
He does not kiss you, though, but his lips are close enough to brush yours.
He only says, in a low voice meant for you and you alone,
โI know.โ
Your thoughts stumble.
โWhat?โ
โI know I was cursed.โ The pad of his thumb drags once, slow, over your lower lip. โI remember it. It burned out last night.โ
The world tilts.
You stare at him without understanding.
The moonlight, the bench, the lake, the city lights beyond it โ all of it feels suddenly too sharp and too distant at once, as if the scene has pulled away from you.
โWhat are you talking about?โ
โIt ended when we slept,โ he says, almost idly. โThis morning.โ
Your face goes cold and hot at the same time. You think you will be sick.
The entire day unwinds in one sickening rush. Bedroom. Kitchen. Brunch. The old woman. The flower. His hand at your waist. The wine. The bench. Every soft thing. Every quiet thing. Every moment you let your guard down because you believed the kindness belonged to something false and therefore could hurt less when it vanished.
He watches the realization spread through you with rapt attention.
And because he is not finished, apparently there is some rotten part of him that finds the blade prettier when it twists, he goes on.
โI wanted to see,โ he says, โhow far you would go with me.โ
You do not move.
Do not blink.
Do not breathe.
Something in your chest has started to crack, and he either does not hear it or does and keeps speaking to turn the crack into broken shards.
โIt would be frowned upon, you see,โ he continues, voice lightly amused now, but feels like heโs chiding you with a layer of mockery, โif the school learned you were willing to take advantage of a cursed teacher just to spend a pleasant day, and make out with him all night longโฆ then maybe even let him fuck you until morning comes.โ
The words slap harder than if he had struck you.
He is grinning when he says it.
Wicked, sick man.
โSo I decided to be kind,โ he murmurs. โAnd spare you that embarrassment.โ
His thumb moves over your lip again.
You blink.
That is all, at first. Just a blink. The world slows strangely around the motion, as if your body has to relearn how to exist one function at a time.
Blink. Breathe. Hear. Feel.
Then feeling arrives.
Shock first, thin and bright, taut like your skin is too tight suddenly.
Then confusion, trying uselessly to catch up.
Then humiliation.
Then something uglier than hurt because it comes wrapped in grief for a thing that was never real and anger at yourself for selfishly wanting it anyway. Anger at him for offering it consciously and then taking it away in favor of making you look stupid. Anger at the day. Anger at every tiny domestic softness that now curdles in hindsight because he knew.
He knew and let you lean and laugh and hope and soften while he stood there watching you do it.
You had looked at him and thought maybe.
You had looked at him and wondered if some corner of those cursed affections might overlap with a real feeling he would never name otherwise.
You had let yourself believe he could be touched by tenderness instead of only entertained by it.
Monster, something in you says with perfect clarity.
Before the word fully finishes, your cursed technique is already in motion.
The blast of it leaves you in one violent pulse.
It catches him square and hard โ full force.
One second he is close enough for you to smell the wine on his breath and sandalwood on his collar. The next he is torn off the bench and flung sideways into the grass with enough force to wrench his hand from your face and jolt the whole bench under you.
He lands badly, body twitching as your technique overruns his senses. You know exactly what it does because you designed it to stop men like him when battle makes them too hungry and too pleased with themselves. It scatters the edges of perception. It turns the mind syrup-thick. Makes coordination lag. Thought blur. The aftereffect feels like the worst hangover in the world dragged through a battlefield.
He will recover.
Of course he will recover.
But not immediately.
You are already on your feet.
He says your name once, slurred just enough by the technique to sound wrong.
You do not stop.
The bench, the moonlit lake, the city, the dinner, the flower tucked behind your ear at some point during the walk โ all of it becomes unbearable in the space of a single heartbeat.
You turn and walk away. Then faster. Then faster still until walking cannot contain what is inside you and it breaks open into a run.
You run.
Your shoes slap hard against the pavement. Night air tears cold through your lungs. Your bag bangs against your hip. Your eyes burn and then blur and then the first tears finally spill hot enough that they only make you angrier.
Nothing can hurt him, you tell yourself as if the thought is a railing you can grip.
Nothing can truly hurt Sukuna.
He will wake miserable and furious and completely alive. He will go back to school. He will teach. He will sneer. He will recover because monsters like him always do.
But youโ
You have to live through tomorrow.
You have to live through the look he will give you when he sees you next. Through the possibility that he says any of it aloud near the wrong person. Through the idea of sitting across from him in a meeting knowing he remembers your head on his shoulder, your laugh at his jokes, the stupid flower in your hair, the confession in your voice when you told him the day would have been nice if it were true, and the implication of that.
You hate him so fiercely that your chest aches with it and you want to scream.
You hate yourself a little too.
For hoping. For relaxing. For wanting more. For not protecting that want better.
Thatโs on you.
You knew he was cursed. You knew it wasnโt real โ couldnโt be. You knew Sukuna was, is, and will always be that infuriating man that you canโt fully stand more than a few hours a day.
Stupid idiot, you think, still running home, why would you believe it was okay to indulge in a lie?
You try, once again, uselessly, to make sense of the last part of your night.
You do not remember the route home in any sensible order.
Not consciously.
You remember fragments. The hard slap of your shoes against the pavement. The way the night air saws into your lungs until breathing turns sharp and ragged and useless. The city lights smear every time tears flood your eyes again. Your pulse beats so hard it makes your vision feel narrow, tunneled, reduced to whatever stretch of sidewalk is directly in front of you.
You remember clutching your purse against your side like it matters. Like anything matters except putting as much distance as possible between your body and that bench, that park, that awful measured voice in your ear telling you he knew, he had known, he had not been cursed for the whole day, he only wanted to see how far you would go.
How far would you go.
The words keep hitting you in waves, each one worse than the last.
Not because you do not understand them. Because you do.
You understand exactly what he did.
He woke up free.
He looked at you that morning, in his kitchen, with your borrowed yukata sliding over your skin and your coffee between your hands and your guard already thinning from two days of soft reprieve, and he chose not to tell you.
He let you worry.
He let you continue managing him, continue excusing the way he touched you, the way he hovered, the way he folded you into his day and into his house and into his goddamn life as if any of it was necessity when it was only amusement.
And worse than that, worse than the humiliation of being tricked, worse than the fact that he sat through brunch and the lakeside festival and dinner and moonlight and wine and your stupid, stupid moment of honesty at the benchโ
worse than all of thatโ
is that you were happy.
You were happy.
The realization keeps gutting you fresh every few steps.
Not miserable. Not merely tolerating him. Not white-knuckling your way through some obligation because Yaga asked and the school needed peace.
Happy.
You let yourself laugh with him.
You let yourself soften.
You let yourself believe, just a little, just enough to be ruined by it, that perhaps the curse had not invented everything from nothing. That perhaps somewhere under all the arrogance and spite and sharpness there was still a shape of tenderness he would one day mean.
And he knew.
He knew, and he kept going.
You nearly collide with someone turning a corner and do not even apologize, just jerk away and keep moving. By the time you make it into your building your legs are trembling with effort and your face feels raw from crying.
The hallway to your apartment swims in and out of focus. Your keys slip once in your hand. Twice. The third time you manage to get the door open, shove yourself inside, and slam it hard enough that the frame rattles.
Silence.
Not the silence of Sukunaโs house. Not the dense, ancient, watching quiet of a place built around a creature too large for normal life.
This is your silence. Thin walls, old pipes, the faint hum of electricity in the kitchen, the tiny familiar scuff in the entryway where you always drag your shoes too close to the wall. It should comfort you immediately.
Instead you stand there with your back to the door and shake.
Every part of you suddenly feels too full. Your skin. Your chest. Your throat. The back of your eyes burns. There is still sandalwood in your clothes from sitting beside him. There is still red wine on your tongue. There is still the remembered pressure of his hand at your face, warm and careful and false, so false you feel sick.
You make it three stumbling steps before your knees threaten to give out. Your purse drops to the floor with a flat, ugly thud. You brace both hands on the edge of the kitchen counter and bow your head over the sink, breathing through your mouth because if you breathe through your nose you catch him everywhere. On the collar of your shirt. In your hair. In the folds of memory.
Your stomach flips so hard you think you might throw up.
Nothing comes.
Only another wave of tears, hot and humiliating and impossible to stop now that they have started.
You scrub at your face with both hands. It does not help. The crying gets quieter, not better. The kind that hurts more because it goes inward, sinks into your ribs and sits there like a stone.
Then the rage and shame and hurt hit in a wave so strong it folds you half over.
โNo,โ you say out loud to no one.
No.
No more.
No more babysitting the inconsequential idiot. No more being drafted as the schoolโs answer every time Sukunaโs temper or interest becomes unmanageable. No more standing in the path of a man who thinks other peopleโs feelings are toys because he was bored enough.
Your phone is still in your bag.
The thought arrives through the haze and hardens into purpose fast enough to keep you upright.
Yaga.
You need Yaga now, before the night ends, before common sense or shame or exhaustion makes you soften your own demand. If you wait until morning, someone will try to talk you down. Shoko will be careful. Nanami will be reasonable. Gojo will joke first and get serious second. Even Suguru, damn him, will probably tip his head and ask whether you want a transfer or simply distance and make you say it twice.
No.
You grab your phone so quickly you nearly drop it. Your thumb misses Yagaโs contact the first time because your hand is shaking. The call rings. Rings again. Again.
He picks up on the fifth attempt, voice rough with age and interrupted sleep.
โWhat happened.โ
No greeting. Just that.
The question alone almost breaks you once again in a single night.
You press the heel of your free hand against your sternum, trying to force the tightness there into something you can speak through.
โI need a transfer.โ
A pause.
Then, sharper, more awake,
โWhat happened.โ
You laugh once, and it sounds wrong even to you. Too small. Too frayed.
โIโm not dealing with him anymore. Iโm done, Yaga.โ
Yaga does not ask who.
You close your eyes so hard sparks dance behind your lids.
โIโm serious. I want out. I want the paperwork started tonight, tomorrow, I donโt care, but Iโm not going back into a classroom next to that man and pretending any of this is workable. I am not his babysitter. I am not whatever fucked-up entertainment he thinks I am. I want a transfer, and if I donโt get one, I fucking quit.โ
The apartment is so quiet around you that Yagaโs silence hums through the phone like pressure.
When he finally speaks, his voice has lost all remnants of sleep.
โDid he hurt you?โ
The question lands in the center of your chest.
The answer is simple and at the same time is so complicated.
He did not break your bones. He did not trap you in chains. He did not force you into anything your body fought.
What he did is somehow harder to hold and harder to explain, because there was consent in the places that matter most and no honesty underneath it. There was care that felt real and tenderness that maybe was real and mockery laid over all of it like poison.
You sit down hard on the kitchen chair because your legs finally stop asking permission and give out anyway.
โHe let me believe it,โ you say, staring at nothing. โHe let me believe he was still cursed.โ
Yaga exhales, very slowly.
You keep going before you can lose your nerve. The words spill uglier now, less controlled.
โHe knew. Since this morning. Maybe earlier. He knew and kept the faรงade, he took me out all day and let me thinkโโ Your voice snaps. You swallow and try again. โHe let me think it was the curse. Then he told me he wanted to see how far Iโd go.โ
Another silence.
You know how you soundโ how you look.
Stupid. Naive. Not entitled to any of that turmoil under your ribcage because, once again, you were the one responsible for your actions, for the choice of believing in a lie as if it could have any other outcome than fucking you up emotionally.
You think that it all would have been so much better if he simply had chosen to push you away the instant the curse ran out.
Thenโฆ what? Maybe you could have taken a deep breath and go back to your apartment, to your old life, to the school, to your students.
It wouldnโt have hurt you, because you would be able to bury it, lock it inside a little box and shove it deep down yourself and never touch it again. Right?
You could bear the annoyance of missing his cursed self if it came to be just it.
You think the worst that it could have happened would be you telling him you would forever hold all that curse-induced-tenderness over his head if he ever pissed you off.
That is a very comfortable delusion to live in.
Unfortunately, Yaga snaps you out of it.
When Yaga speaks again, his tone is low and measured in the dangerous way it gets when he is angry enough to be careful with it.
โWhere are you.โ
โAt home.โ
โStay there tonight.โ
โAs if I planned to do anything else,โ you scoff.
โYou wonโt come in tomorrow.โ
You laugh again, more bitterly this time.
โThank you for the permission.โ
โIโm not joking.โ
Neither are you.
He seems to hear that in your breathing, because the next thing he says is gentler than you expect.
โThe paperwork will be started by the end of the week. Iโll handle your classes until then.โ
Something in you goes loose at that. Not relief exactly. Relief would be lighter. This feels more like one wall inside you being allowed to collapse without crushing the rest.
You rub at your mouth with your fingertips.
โGood.โ
โIโll need a formal statement.โ
โYouโll get one.โ
โAnd I want Shoko to check on you.โ
That makes you grimace on instinct.
โIโm not injured.โ
โI did not say you were.โ
You say nothing.
His voice softens by a hair.
โYou are one of my best teachers. Iโm not losing you because he doesnโt know how to behave like a human being.โ
The words strike somewhere too deep for your current state. Your eyes fill again. You press your thumb hard against the edge of the table until it hurts.
โThank you,โ you say, and hate how small it sounds.
โWeโll talk tomorrow.โ
The call ends.
You lower the phone and stare at the dead screen until it dims in your hand.
Then you stand up and head for the bathroom because you cannot bear your own skin for one second longer.
The shower goes scalding hot before you step under it.
You strip in a trail from hallway to tile, all quick, angry movements โ shirt turned inside out, belt unthreaded with jerking fingers, pants kicked aside, socks peeled off damp with sweat. The smell of the day rises out of the discarded clothes as soon as they hit the floor.
Wine. Restaurant smoke. Night air. Him.
You shove the pile into the laundry basket like it has been infected by the plague.
The water hits your shoulders hard enough to sting. Good. You tilt your face up into it until it runs over your closed eyes and mouth and nose and down your throat when you accidentally inhale wrong. The heat is almost painful. Still not enough.
You scrub yourself with the rough side of a washcloth until your skin goes pink.
Neck first.
Shoulders.
The curve behind your ear where he kissed you that morning, still half asleep and smug and devastatingly warm. You go over that place again and again until the skin there throbs.
Then your wrists. Your waist. Your sides.
Everywhere his hands rested with unbearable familiarity. Everywhere you let them.
Your throat tightens so badly you have to brace one palm against the wall.
Because that is the true rot under the humiliation, the thing you cannot scrub off no matter how hard you try.
You wanted it.
Not the mockery. Not the trick. Not being tested like some indulgence he could toy with because he had a free day and a monstrous sense of humor.
But the rest of it.
The arm around your shoulders on the bench.
The flower from the tall tree.
The private table by the window.
The ridiculous small family restaurant where the old woman knew what he always ordered and smiled at you like you belonged in the seat across from him.
The cooking. The warm bed. The stupid, infuriating way he bent around you in sleep like it was obvious that was where you should be.
You drop the washcloth and cover your face with both hands.
A broken sound tears itself out of you and disappears under the rush of water.
By the time you shut the shower off, your skin feels over-scrubbed and you are no cleaner where it counts.
You dress in the oldest pajamas you own, the ones stretched soft with years of washing. You braid your damp hair with clumsy fingers. You make tea you do not drink. You sit on your couch and stare at your phone while messages begin to arrive.
First Shoko.
Yaga called. Are you alone?
You type back immediately.
Yes.
A moment later:
Do you want company or not.
You stare at the words.
Shoko is the only person you know who can make comfort sound like a clinical procedure. Something about it steadies you. You type no, then erase it. Type yes, then erase that too. Eventually you settle on:
Not tonight. Tomorrow maybe.
Her response comes almost at once.
Fine. Lock your door.
Then Gojo, predictably several minutes later.
Heard you nuked him into the grass. Kinda proud of you.
Under any other circumstance, you would roll your eyes so hard it hurt. Tonight the message just makes your chest twist.
You set the phone face down on the coffee table and sit there in the dim light until the tea goes cold and your body starts nodding with exhaustion.
Sleep, when it finally takes you, is too thin and too mean.
You dream of the park bench first.
Not the reveal immediately. The few seconds before it, when you are leaning against him under the moon and the day still feels intact. In the dream you can feel the exact warmth of his shoulder under your temple, the easy weight of his arm behind you, the hum of distant festival lanterns being taken down across the lake. Your own voice says this is nice, and in the dream his silence before answering stretches on too long.
Too long.
Too long.
Then he laughs, and the bench gives way beneath you.
The second dream is worse because it is gentle, and it frightens you.
You are back in his bed in the gray edge between night and morning, one of his arms under your pillow, another braced over your waist, your face buried in the broad plane of his chest while he dozes around you like a living wall. It feels so good in the dream that when you wake with a violent jolt, the absence of it is its own fresh wound.
You lie there in darkness, breath ragged, fists knotted in the sheets.
Morning arrives heavy and damp with your own sweat.
Your body feels like you lost a fight.
Your eyes ache. Your throat is sandpaper. Every muscle is tight from sleeping badly. You shuffle to the kitchen for water and stand there in bare feet and old cotton, staring at the pale early light across your counter, trying to remember what normal life is supposed to feel like.
Your phone buzzes again just as you swallow aspirin dry. Shoko.
Iโm coming over in an hour. Not optional.
You do not answer because there is no point.
True to form, she arrives fifty-eight minutes later with coffee, cigarettes she does not smoke but somehow always carries, and the face of a woman who is already tired of everyone involved.
You let her in wearing an oversized sweater and no patience. She walks past you like she lives here, sets the coffee on the table, glances once at your face, and says,
โYou look horrible.โ
โYou too.โ
โYeah, but I earned it.โ
That almost gets a laugh out of you. Almost.
She looks at your untouched breakfast on the counter and then back at you.
โEat something before I start being a doctor on purpose.โ
โI hate when you use your gifts for evil.โ
She hands you the coffee. You take it because refusing Shoko when she is in this mood is a waste of energy.
For a while she lets the quiet stand. You sit at opposite ends of the couch, cups between your hands, the apartment filled with the scent of bitter coffee and the faint medicinal clean smell that always clings to her after long hours in the infirmary.
When she finally speaks, it is without preamble.
โHeโs fine.โ
Your grip tightens on the mug.
โGood.โ
โHe woke up with what he described as โa pounding skull and everyone around him being irritatingly loud.โโ
That one does pull a weak, unwilling huff from you.
Shoko watches your face carefully over the rim of her cup.
โHe asked where you were.โ
You look away toward the window.
โAnd?โ
โAnd I told him none of his business.โ
โThank you.โ
โHe didnโt like that.โ
You sip the coffee just to have something to do. It is too hot. You burn your tongue and welcome the pain.
Shoko leans back, one ankle crossing over the other.
โYaga filled me in enough to know he was an asshole, but not enough to know whether you want to talk about it.โ
You stare into the dark surface of the coffee.
โHe told me the curse ended on the second night.โ
Her expression shifts, something cold sharpening behind her eyes.
โHe admitted that?โ
โHe said he wanted to see how far Iโd go.โ
Her jaw sets.
You laugh once, quiet and ugly.
โApparently the answer was far enough to let him take me on a full-day date before he decided to be honest.โ
โThat is a very generous way to describe emotional sadism.โ
You wince and press the mug more firmly into your palms.
Shokoโs voice softens just enough to matter.
โDid you want the date?โ
The honesty that rises is immediate and painful.
โYeah.โ
โThat doesnโt make you stupid.โ
โIt feels like it does, actually,โ you grimace at the black coffee. โI knew, everyone knew, it was not real since the beginning.โ
โIt doesnโt. Youโre allowed to have feelings, just so you know.โ
You look at her then. Really look. Her face is tired but steadier than anything in you right now. Clinical when needed, merciful when it counts.
โI knew he was cursed,โ you say. โI knew it wasnโt real, at least not the way he thought it was. I kept telling myself that. Every time he touched me or said something that made my head go light or did one of those terrible little considerate things that made me forget myself for five minutes, I kept telling myself this is a curse, this is a curse, this is a curse.โ Your throat tightens again. โAnd then yesterday was justโฆ good. It was so good, Shoko.โ
She says nothing.
The permission in that silence breaks something open.
โI let myself enjoy it,โ you whisper. โI let myself think maybe that still counted for something. Maybe if the curse fell away there would still be a little of it left. Maybe he liked me. Maybe heโโ You stop before the word means too much. โI donโt know. Something. Anything. And he sat there all day knowing exactly what I believed.โ
Shoko sets her cup down with deliberate care.
โThen your anger is appropriate.โ
You swallow.
โSo is the transfer,โ she adds.
You blink at her.
She shrugs one shoulder.
โI like having you at the school. The students like you. But Iโm not going to ask you to keep working next to someone who decided your feelings were a toy.โ
The bluntness of it hurts. The accuracy hurts more.
You bend forward, elbows on knees, cup hanging loose between your hands.
โI hate that I miss him already.โ
That surprises her enough that she actually pauses.
You laugh without humor.
โNot him. Not really him. Not the real him, I guess. I miss the version that made tea without asking how I took it because he already knew. The one that fixed my yukata and cooked and hovered like an overgrown cat and looked at me like I was the center of whatever room we were in.โ You press the heels of your hands against your eyes. โI miss something that might not have existed for even two days.โ
Shokoโs answer is quiet.
โThatโs grief.โ
The word lands clean.
Too clean.
You lower your hands slowly.
โFeels dramatic.โ
โGrief usually does from the inside.โ
She stays for most of the morning. Not hovering, just there. She makes you eat toast. She helps you draft the formal statement for Yaga because your first version reads like a cursed energy discharge in written form and your second dissolves halfway through when you realize you have to put his name next to the phrase intentional deception.
By noon, the statement is sent.
By afternoon, the transfer process is real enough to give you nausea.
Kyoto is the most likely option. Temporary at first, Yaga says in his reply, until they determine whether you want it permanent. He uses too many careful words around Sukuna without naming him directly. Professional conduct. Breakdown of trust. Incompatible assignment conditions.
You read those lines three times and feel colder each time.
Breakdown of trust sounds so clean for what happened.
It sounds like paperwork. Like two adults having a scheduling disagreement.
It does not sound like lying beside a man for two nights and letting him stroke idle shapes into your back while you drift off because you think the need in him is borrowed and temporary and therefore safe to survive.
It does not sound like hearing that same man tell you under the moon that he knows, he remembers, he wanted to see.
By evening you are so tired your bones hurt again.
Gojo calls. You nearly ignore him. Then you answer because if you do not, he will appear at your window somehow โ he did before, he would do it again.
โI brought cake,โ he announces.
โOkay?โ
โYou donโt seem excited. Itโs cake!โ
โWhat am I supposed to say? Youโre not here, Iโm not having your cake.โ
โI could be.โ
โYouโre a menace.โ
โIโm your favorite menace.โ
โNot even close.โ
His humor fades a touch.
โHow bad is it?โ
You close your eyes and sink farther into the couch.
โBad enough.โ
โI can go kill him a little. Would that help?โ
Despite yourself, your mouth twitches.
โYaga would write you up.โ
โWorth it.โ
You are quiet long enough that he stops trying to be funny.
When he speaks again, he sounds more like Satoru and less like Gojo.
โYou donโt have to explain it to me if you donโt want to. But I need you to know nobody in that building thinks this is on you.โ
Your throat tightens for the thousandth time since last night.
โStudents will talk.โ
โThey always do.โ
โTheyโll say I spent three days at his house.โ
โTheyโll also say I eat three thousand calories of sugar before noon and half of that is true.โ
You bark out a laugh before you can stop it.
There is victory in the silence on his end.
Then, softer,
โLet them talk. Anyone who matters will hear the truth from us.โ
Us.
You press the heel of your hand into your chest, right over the ache there.
โThank you.โ
โWant me to tell you something annoying?โ
โNo.โ
โToo bad. Nanami threatened to punch Sukuna in the throat if he so much as looked smug this morning.โ
That pulls another startled laugh out of you, weak but real. Nanami is not one for threats or casual violence.
โShoko had to intervene,โ he continues, clearly pleased with himself now. โSuguru said very politely that if Sukuna intended to say anything about the situation in public, he should first decide how much dignity he was prepared to lose.โ
You rub at your face.
โWhy are all of you telling me this like itโs supposed to help.โ
โBecause it should. Youโre not alone in this.โ
He lets that settle before adding, deliberately light,
โAlso because Nanami furious is a top-tier visual. Really hot. You should have seen.โ
You let him talk for another ten minutes. Mostly nonsense. Mostly stories about students setting small fires during training. It helps in the way background music helps when you do not want to hear your own thoughts too clearly.
After the call, the apartment feels less like a sealed jar.
Not better. Just survivable.
The next few days pass in odd, broken segments.
You do not go to campus.
Yaga sends forms. You fill them out. Your handwriting starts neat and gets more vicious with every page.
Shoko drops by twice more. Once with clothes she had left in the staff room. Once with grading from your substitute because the woman assigned your classes has no idea how to read your shorthand notes. You end up marking essays at your kitchen table in borrowed quiet, red pen stabbing into paper harder than necessary while Shoko smokes out the window and occasionally says things like โthis kid has no sense of paragraph structureโ and โif you transfer permanently Iโm stealing your good stapler.โ
Suguru sends tea with no note.
Nanami sends a bottle of expensive headache medicine with the message โFor the next time he decides to be insufferable within your vicinity.โ Which is either dry humor or a threat, and from him it could honestly be both.
Sukuna sends nothing.
That should comfort you a bit, but all it does is make you bitter.
Because your mind, traitorous thing that it is, starts filling the silence with possibilities.
Is he laughing about it? Has he already moved on because to him it was a single entertaining day and you are the only fool still carrying it? Is he angry? Amused? Annoyed by the paperwork? Indifferent?
Indifferent is the one that hurts most.
On the fourth morning Yaga asks you to come in after hours to clear your office before the transfer is officially logged.
You stare at the message for a long time.
Part of you wants to refuse. Have someone else box your books. Let your desk sit untouched until moss grows over it.
But the thought of strangers touching your lecture notes, your annotated copies of technique manuals, the mug one of the third-years painted for you as a joke last winter, your little stack of confiscated novelty charms and ridiculous stress toys taken from students during examsโ
No.
Those are yours.
So you go.
The school in late afternoon feels wrong with summer light turning long across the grounds and you arriving like a visitor.
Your shoes know the paths anyway. Up the stone steps. Past the side corridor. Across the courtyard where the younger students usually gather with too much energy and nowhere to put it.
You see none of them now. Classes are done. Training mostly over. The buildings hold that strange between-time hush where a school is still full of people but no longer loud.
Your office door sticks the same way it always has.
You push it open and stop on the threshold.
Everything is exactly where you left it.
The stack of papers angled wrong on your desk. The scarf over the back of your chair. Your chalk tin open by the window. Half a pack of throat lozenges in the top drawer. The sight of it all squeezes your chest so hard you nearly step back out again.
This was your place.
Not just employment. Not just a room. A small square of order you built inside a hectic life. Lessons planned here. Students encouraged here. Failures absorbed here and turned into strategies for next time.
You set the empty box Yaga gave you on the desk and stand there, breathing through your nose, until the urge to cry passes.
Then you start.
Books first.
Files.
Desk drawer.
The silly mug gets wrapped in old worksheets because you did not bring newspaper.
You are halfway through your bottom cabinet when a knock lands lightly against the doorframe.
You look up too fast and pain flashes behind your eyes.
It is not him.
Just one of your second-years, hovering uncertainly with two others behind him. Their faces shift from surprise to embarrassment the second they see the box.
โSensei,โ the boy says, voice smaller than usual. โWe heard you were here.โ
You straighten slowly.
โYouโre supposed to be gone.โ
One of the girls fidgets with the hem of her sleeve.
โWe wanted to say goodbye.โ
The sentence hits hard enough that you have to look away for a second.
โItโs not forever.โ
Which is true in the bureaucratic sense and maybe false in every other one.
The three of them shuffle inside anyway. Awkward. Earnest. Too young to know how to make loss graceful and therefore doing it honestly, which is worse.
The tallest one sets a paper bag on your desk.
โWe got pastries.โ
โWe are bribing you not to forget us,โ the girl says, attempting sternness and failing because her eyes are already shining.
Your throat closes.
You end up sitting on the edge of your desk while they talk in overlapping bursts about stupid class moments from the year. About the time you made them redo an entire exercise because their formations were sloppy and one of them cried from frustration and you sat with her after until she got it right. About the first-years who are terrified of Nanami. About whether Kyoto students are snobs. About whether you will come back for the joint training event in winter.
You answer what you can. You smile where it does not hurt too much. When they finally leave, the pastry bag sits warm in your hands from where one of them nearly forced it on you.
The silence after them is unbearable for a full minute.
Then footsteps sound again in the corridor.
Heavy. Familiar. Unhurried.
Your body knows before your mind lets the knowledge form.
Every muscle in you goes rigid.
He fills the doorway a second later.
There is no curse in him now. No dream-sick fixation. No fevered certainty disguised as domestic calm.
Just Sukuna.
Tall enough to make the frame around him look insufficient. Broad shoulders catching the last amber light from the hall. Tattoos stark against visible skin above the collar of his uniform. All four eyes fixed on you with an intensity that makes your stomach clench in instant, furious memory.
He looks annoyingly fine.
You hate that first.
Then you hate that the next thought is relief.
Because he is fine. Because your technique did not do lasting damage. Because the part of you that still cares reaches for confirmation before anger can cut it down.
His gaze flicks once to the box on your desk.
โLeaving.โ
Not a question.
You set the pastry bag down with deliberate care.
โCongratulations. You still know how to identify obvious things.โ
The corner of his mouth tilts in a way that would have wrecked your composure a week ago.
Not now.
Not now.
He steps inside and closes the door behind him.
โNo.โ
He stops.
The quiet that follows is knife-thin.
You keep your voice level through force alone.
โYou donโt get to close doors around me anymore.โ
For the first time since he entered, something shifts in his face. Not enough to be guilt. That would be too human, too easy. But something. A recognition, maybe, that the room is not his to shape.
He opens the door again.
Better.
You turn back to your cabinet because looking at him directly right now might make you either shake or throw something, and you refuse to grant him either.
โIf youโre here to gloat, do it quickly. I have work,โ you say flat, refusing any feeling to bleed into your voice.
His voice, when it comes, is lower than usual.
โI did not come to gloat.โ
You let out a small, disbelieving breath through your nose.
โThen your self-awareness has improved with the concussion I hope I gave you.โ
He says your name.
Just that.
No title. No taunt. No wife in that maddening dark voice that had gotten under your skin so badly you still wake hearing echoes of it.
Your hands still.
You close the cabinet harder than necessary and straighten.
โStop.โ
He goes quiet again.
The hurt of it surprises you.
That he listened.
That he can listen when he wants to, and chose not to when it really mattered.
You turn to face him fully at last.
The distance between you is not much. Far too little for how much space you feel you need.
โWhat do you want?โ
His eyes move over your face with that same terrible attentiveness from his house, only cleaner now, stripped of the curseโs haze. You can see the calculation in it. The restraint. He is choosing his words for once.
It almost makes you angrier.
โI wanted to know whether you meant it.โ
You stare.
He continues, voice even.
โThe transfer.โ
The shock of the question is so absurd it turns instantly into fury.
โYou thought I was bluffing?โ
โI thought you were angry.โ
โI am angry.โ
โI can see.โ
The agreement is so calm it feels like insult.
Your laugh comes out sharp as broken glass.
โYou thought this was something Iโd cool down from in a few days and what? Go back to cleaning your bullshit and babysitting you?โ
He does not answer fast enough.
That is answer enough.
Something in you surges up hard and hot and final.
You step toward him before you can decide not to, jamming a finger into the center of his chest.
โYou do not get to stand there and look confused, Sukuna. You do not get to act like this outcome appeared from the sky. You lied to me! You did it deliberately because youโre a sick fuck.โ
His gaze drops briefly to your hand against him. He does not move it.
โYou knew the curse was gone.โ
โYes.โ
โYou let me believeโโ
โYes.โ
The clean, unashamed honesty of it nearly blinds you with rage.
โYou let me think all of it was because you were infected with some ridiculous fixation out of your control! You let me keep managing my own behavior around you on false information and for what? You let me speak to you honestly while you knew exactly what I believed!โ Your voice is rising now. You do not care. โAnd then you told me you wanted to see how far Iโd go with you because you thought it would be funny to toy with my feelings? Fuck you!โ
His jaw tightens.
Good.
You want some part of this to reach him beneath all that stone and appetite and ego.
โYou want to know if I meant the transfer?โ you say. โYes. Because I can deal with you being cruel on a daily basis. I can deal with you being arrogant. I can deal with you being the most insufferable bastard in any room you walk into. That is normal. That is Tuesday. What I cannot do is let you make a spectacle out of my trust and some stupid vulnerability and then expect me to walk back into work beside you like nothing happened. Iโm transferring because I canโt fucking stand you anymore.โ
The last words come out rougher than you intended. Emotion finally catches on the edges.
You hate that too.
Sukunaโs face changes almost imperceptibly.
Not softer, but the satisfaction you expected is absent. The smug amusement. The sharp, pleased cruelty.
In its place is something more complicated and therefore less bearable.
โI did not make a spectacle of it,โ he says but it does nothing for you.
The understatement is so monstrous you almost laugh again. Instead you just look at him.
At the man who carried you out of a broken hallway because a curse told him you were his. At the man who cooked for you and fixed your clothes and let you fall asleep wrapped around him. At the same man who sat across from you at dinner, wine in hand, already free, and watched you bloom under something he knew you believed to be false.
โYou donโt even hear yourself,โ you say quietly.
He is silent.
The anger does not drain. It cools. Settles. Becomes something steadier and more lethal than shouting.
โI liked that day,โ you tell him coolly, and the admission hurts enough that your eyes sting instantly. โThat is the part you donโt understand becauseโฆ I donโt even know why you donโt understand. If Iโd hated it, this would be so simple. I liked it. I liked the brunch and the park and the dinner and the stupid flower and sitting there by the lake thinking for a few hours that maybe I could have something easy for once before it maybe disappeared and we went back to the same bullshit. I liked you.โ
The last word hangs there between you, bare and ugly and true.
All four of his eyes narrow, not in anger but in concentration so intense it makes your skin prickle.
You keep going because if you stop now you will never get it all out.
โAnd you took that knowing it rested on a lie for fun instead of just coming clean. So no, this is not me being dramatic. This is me refusing to keep working next to someone who can see my trust and think the best use for it is to test how much more he can get off on stepping over it again and again.โ
For the first time since you started, Sukuna looks wrong-footed.
It would almost be satisfying if you were not suddenly so tired.
He says your name again, slower.
You step back before he can decide what to do with that.
โFuck off.โ
โI did not lie about all of it.โ
You go very still.
There it is.
The thing you dreaded almost more than mockery.
Not denial. Not dismissal. Not him laughing in your face and calling you a fool.
Something worse.
A partial truth.
A hand reaching back toward the wound as if clarification might help.
You feel your expression close all at once.
โThat is not your choice to salvage.โ
His mouth sets hard.
โYou think I would spend my day like that with someone I did not want.โ
The words slam into you with enough force to make your breath hitch.
Not because you want to hear them.
Because you do. Gods, you do.
Because some starving, humiliated part of you has been waiting since the bench for exactly this cruelty โ the possibility that the affection was real, that he was real, that only the context was false, and that somehow makes it better.
It does not.
It makes it worse.
You straighten your spine until it hurts.
โThat would have been useful information before you decided to play with me.โ
Something sharp flashes across his face then, quick as steel catching sun. Anger, maybe. Or the wounded pride of being told no in a language he cannot parry.
โI was not playing with you.โ
โNo?โ Your voice goes cold. โThen what do you call it when a man keeps a woman in the dark on purpose to see how much tenderness he can pull out of her before she notices heโs just messing with her?โ
He says nothing.
You nod once.
โExactly.โ
The silence expands. Outside in the corridor someone laughs far away, unaware that the air in this room could cut.
When Sukuna speaks again, his tone is lower, stripped back in a way you have heard only rarely, usually in battle just before violence.
โI misjudged.โ
You almost laugh at the poverty of that.
โYes,โ you say. โYou did.โ
He looks at the box again. At the books. At the visible proof that consequences have mass.
โYou would leave the school for this?โ
The phrasing does it. Not the content. The phrasing.
For this.
As if the injury is abstract. As if the cost is unfortunate but puzzling. As if your leaving is the extreme variable rather than his choice.
Your hands start to shake again, this time from anger alone.
โI would leave the school because I canโt teach well while flinching every time I hear your footsteps in the corridor,โ you say. โI would leave because I refuse to stand in a staff room beside someone who knows exactly how badly he humiliated me. I would leave because I worked too hard to build a life I respect just to let you turn me into your private joke.โ
That lands.
You see it land.
He goes still in the dangerous way he does when something finally pierces the armor enough to matter.
โYou were notโโ he pauses, recalculates. โYou are not a joke to me.โ
You believe him.
You believe he means that exactly as spoken, and that the gap between his meaning and the damage is vast enough to swallow cities.
You look at him for a long moment, this impossible man with too many eyes and too much power and too little understanding of what other peopleโs tenderness costs them, and something in you finally gives up trying to bridge the distance.
โIt doesnโt matter,โ you mutter.
His jaw tightens again.
โIt matters to me.โ
There is no point pretending that does not hit.
It does. It hits because it is too late, because it may be honest, because you wanted something like that from him so badly without ever letting yourself name it.
You close your eyes once, briefly, then open them again.
โIf it mattered to you,โ you say carefully, โyou should have acted like it before.โ
He has no answer for that.
At last.
No answer. No clever cruelty. No smug turn of phrase. Nothing.
Just a man built like a disaster standing in the doorway of your office while the reality of his own behavior sits between you too heavy for either of you to step around.
You turn away first.
Not because you are yielding.
Because you are done.
You pick up another stack of papers and lower them into the box with painstaking care. Your fingers are clumsy now, adrenaline wearing off too fast. The room feels colder.
Behind you, he does not move for so long that when he finally does, the sound of fabric shifting makes your whole body tense.
โI will not stop the transfer,โ he says.
You nod once without looking at him.
โGood.โ
Another pause.
Then, quieter,
โI do not want you to go.โ
Your hands stop on the edge of the box.
The words slice too cleanly through everything.
You stare down at your own knuckles whitening against cardboard and refuse to turn around. Refuse to let your face be seen with that fresh ache opening under your ribs.
Because there it is.
The thing you wanted.
Too late.
Too badly timed.
Too compromised to touch.
Tainted.
If he had said it at the bench before the cruelty. If he had said it in the kitchen that morning instead of pressing kisses behind your ear and hiding behind the remains of a curse. If he had said it on the second day when you were half asleep against him and still foolish enough to think softness might survive daylight.
Now it is almost unbearable.
You swallow until your throat works again.
โThen next time you want something,โ you say without turning, โtry treating it like it matters before you break it, yeah?โ
When he leaves, he does it without another word.
You hear the retreat of his steps down the corridor. Heavy. Measured. Then gone.
Only then do you let your forehead rest against the edge of the open cabinet and breathe through the hurt until it passes enough for you to keep packing.
By the time you leave campus, the sky is deep blue and the air smells like rain.
The box is heavier than it should be. Your arms ache carrying it to your car.
You set it in the passenger seat and stand there a moment with the driverโs door open, watching the dark windows of the school reflect the last smear of twilight. Somewhere inside those walls is your classroom, your desk, your studentsโ half-finished projects. Somewhere inside them is Sukuna too, alive and infuriating and maybe more sincere than you want to know now that sincerity costs you this much.
You grip the top of the car door until the metal bites your palm.
Then you get in and drive home.
The transfer paperwork is finalized on Friday.
You sign where told.
Kyoto wants you Monday.
That night your apartment is full of boxes only half packed because you keep stopping to stare at things. Lecture notes. Old student gifts. The scarf from your office chair. The pastry bag from your second-years, now folded flat and tucked inside a book because you could not bring yourself to throw it away.
Rain taps softly at the window.
Your phone lies silent on the table.
You sit cross-legged on the floor amid the pieces of the life you are dismantling and let the ache in your chest settle into something more honest than fury.
Not smaller in any sense, cleaner.
You are hurt.
You are proud enough to leave.
You are angry enough to keep leaving.
And underneath all that, humiliatingly, tenderly, you are mourning something that came into your hands half real and half rotten, something you would have nurtured if only it had been given to you clean.
You rest your head back against the couch and close your eyes.
By morning you will finish packing. By afternoon you will be on the road. By Monday you will stand in a new classroom and introduce yourself to new students and build something useful again because that is what you do. You teach. You steady. You make the next generation stronger than the last. No one, not even Sukuna, gets to take that from you.
But tonight, alone with the rain and the boxes and the ghost of sandalwood finally fading from everything you own, you let yourself grieve the day by the lake, the flower from the tree, the warmth of a body too large to fit comfortably in any ordinary life, and the terrible, impossible fact that if he had only chosen honesty one day sooner, you might have stayed.
I like smut as much as the next person but yall aren't even trying to write anymore. All fanfic on here is just 300 words of sex and then just tagging any character you think fits.
apocalypse - one
undergroundboxer!kuna x reader [soulmate au]
warnings [mdni] - angst | implied trauma | mean sukuna
wc - 7.3k
series masterlist
โ
ryomen sukuna knew three things about his soulmate.ย
she drank too much caffeine, she slept curled on her side whenever anxiety crawled beneath her skin and whenever she read for hours on end or colored, the noise in his head quieted enough to let him breathe.ย
it was fucking irritating.ย
the first time she got under his skin, it was in the middle of his first match.ย
heโd nearly put his fist through the guy, rage sitting ugly beneath his ribs as blood pooled in his mouth and sweat dripped down his spine.ย
then suddenly, he was overcome with serenity heโd never experienced before.ย
a calmness that wasnโt his own, never his own.ย
something soft slipped beneath his skin then, warm and quiet in a way he wasnโt used to. like somebody had pressed cold hands against the back of his neck after years of burning where he stood.ย
heโd won that match.ย
โagain?โ toji muttered from across the gym, cigarette balanced lazily between scarred fingers.ย
sukuna rolled his jaw once before slamming another punch into the heavy bag hard enough for the chains overhead to rattle violently.ย
โfuck off.โย
toji smirked, tongue peaking out to lick at the scar against his lip.ย
the gym smelled like rust, sweat and the metallic ting of blood that both men were used to. it was a shitty set up buried beneath the city in the lower levels of an abandoned parking structure. it barely looked legal from the outside and the inside wasn't much better.ย
the concrete floors, flickering lights and men all too violent to exist comfortably above ground.ย
and it was the place ryomen sukuna felt alive.ย
sukuna had been fighting since he was fifteen and filled with a rage even he couldnโt understand.ย
toji found him bloody outside a convenience store after some older guys tried jumping him for gambling money.ย
it was clear they didnโt get the money but sukuna took that fire in his gaze out on them.ย
sukuna still recalled the way toji looked down at him, droplets cascading down his sharp features and dark hair, damp cigarette hanging from his mouth while blood dripped steadily from sukunaโs split brow.ย
โyou fight like an animal,โ toji began, taking a drag of his fading cig before tilting his head at the salmon haired boy, โwhat if i told you that you could beat the shit out of guys every day and get paid for it?โย
a fucking dream is what that was. he gets to utilize his anger and he could finally get out of his fatherโs house.ย
how could sukuna even say no?ย
somehow, it turned into this.ย
years later, ryomen sukuna had become the name whispered through underground rings across the city. not because he was the biggest or the strongest, but because he was cruel.ย
there was something deeply unsettling about the way sukuna fought.ย
controlled, almost lazy sometimes. like violence came so naturally to him that he didnโt even need to think about it.ย
people feared men who fought emotionally.ย
they feared ryomen sukuna more because he never did.ย
most nights, he fought beneath screaming neon lights while crowds chanted his name loud enough to shake the walls.ย
they bet on him like he was a sure thing and fuck, did he get a shitload of money from it.ย
heโd leave each night, beaten and bruised with a duffel of cash hanging off his shoulder.
he was living the dream.
that was until he arrived home, in his apartment downtown, and sat in silence while somebody elseโs emotions bled quietly into his chest.ย
a girl heโd never met yet somehow knew like the back of his hand, all too intimately.ย
he knew she liked coffee because of the bursts of energy heโd feel during mornings where he usually slept in because his fights usually carried into the night.ย
he knew she did yoga often because his muscles werenโt as sore as they would get when he was younger and god knows it wasnโt his doing. he didnโt stretch nearly as much as toji nagged at him to.ย
he also knew that she despised him.ย
that one was obvious.ย
their bond always sharpened after his fights. her irritation sat bright and hot beneath his ribs every time he came home bruised and bloody.ย
sometimes he couldnโt differentiate between his own rage and hers.ย
maybe they were more alike than he thought.ย
truthfully, sukuna didnโt know how to do things any differently and frankly, he didnโt care enough to.ย
he hated this whole soulmates shit. why would the universe ever pair two people together with the utmost certainty that they were perfect for each other?
and what fucking masacre did this girl commit to be bonded with him of all people?ย
violence was the only thing sukuna had ever been good at and he wouldnโt change that for anyone, especially some girl who was almost a mere figment of his imagination.ย
he did that sometimes. pretended that he was a non-existent and that he was merely hallucinating her.ย
non-existents made up a very small part of the population and they were essentially humans who didnโt have soulmates. like toji was.ย
lucky bastard.ย
sometimes sukuna believed toji was lying because heโd get this distant look on his face some days, kind of like himself when he felt his own soulmate torment him.ย
so maybe he was a late bloomer?ย
either way, he was in a better situation than sukuna was.ย
โyour girlโs pissed again?โ toji commented dryly from where he leaned against the boxing ring ropes, head tilted with a knowingness sukuna hated.ย
toji was the one sukuna had to confide in because who else did he have?ย
when he was overwhelmed as a young teenager about his soulmate, toji would be the one he would reluctantly go to. the older man had taken him under his wing, so yes, he did trust him more than anyone.ย
he also knew that toji cared about him in his own fucked up way.ย
sukunaโs knuckles ached tonight, phantom annoyance curling beneath his skin that didnโt belong to him. it was her.ย
probably studying somewhere in the city while silently wishing death upon him.ย
the thought almost made him grin.ย
throughout the years, pissing her off became a hobby of some sort, though he knew she didnโt find it nearly as amusing as he did.ย
โat least you know sheโs got personality.โ toji stated once more as sukuna finally stopped punching and turned to shoot the man a glare.ย
โshut the fuck up.โ
toji huffed out a laugh, โgod help you both when you finally meet.โ
the thought made sukuna freeze momentarily.ย
it was almost sad.ย
usually, at least from what sukuna knew, people usually couldnโt wait to meet their soulmates.ย
then there was sukuna, filled with dread at the mere idea.ย
sukuna hated even talking about the bond.ย
he hated how aware he was of her.ย
because despite everything, the distance and never seeing her to begin with, she felt woven into him already, like a haunting.ย
some nights, when his insomnia clawed violently at his nerves after fights, heโd feel her wrap her arms around herself beneath warm blankets god knows where.ย
and sleep came easier those nights.ย
he couldnโt explain it and truthfully, he didnโt like to think about it.ย
he hated talking about her because the truth was ugly.ย
that he didnโt particularly hate her. which is exactly why he knew meeting her would ruin everything.ย
naturally, his solution was to sabotage everything which is why he started to sleep around with non-existents whenever he got the chance.ย
and he knew what it did to her.ย
good. he hoped it made her despise him enough to never want anything to do with him, whether they meet now or twenty years down the line.ย
sukuna didnโt want anything to do with her.ย
โ
you hated downtown on friday nights.ย
it was always too loud and all too crowded.ย
neon signs bled into rain-slick streets while bass-heavy music spilled from every open doorway along the block.ย
girls stumbled across sidewalks in tiny dresses and tall heels, drunken laughter cutting through the humid summer night air while taxis lined the streets endlessly.ย
the city looked beautiful after dark, but you still wanted to be everywhere but here.ย
โstop looking at people with that judgy look of yours.โ shoko muttered beside you, nudging your shoulder lightly as the three of you crossed the street.
โiโm not judging, iโm just looking aroundโฆโ you defended with a huff as you hugged yourself protectively, little kitten heels clicking against the pavement.ย
โyou are judging,โ utahime confirmed, โitโs your classic disgusted and glare-ey look.โย
โwell excuse me, youโre the ones who brought me to crackhead-ville.โ you glared at the two girls as shoko rolled her eeys before hooking her arm through yours anyway.ย
she pulled you towards the entrance of yet another overcrowded building downtown.
apparently, tonightโs party was being held somewhere above an abandoned old bar. or beneath it.ย
either way, something you found entirely too ominous but you were too distracted when shoko was explaining to actually disagree.ย
your soulmate had spent the entire evening restless beneath your skin. not angry but worse.ย
aware.ย
you felt him constantly tonight.ย
a steady pulse of adrenaline humming through your bloodstream that didnโt belong to you.ย
your chest had felt tight since leaving the penthouse, some strange tension settling low in your stomach like your body was anticipating something before your mind could catch up.
it was unsettling.ย
you blamed the lack of sleep, or rather, you blamed him. you blamed him for it all.ย
โew, ewโฆโ you muttered as shoko pulled you through the door into what you could only describe as chaos.ย
warmth and noise hit you instantly.ย
bodies crowded wall to wall beneath flashing lights while music shook violently through the floorboards.ย
cigarette smoke lingered in the air despite the open windows somewhere deeper inside the space.ย
you physically recoiled.ย
โoh my god,โ utahime muttered beside you, laughing softly at the expression painting your features, โyou look horrified.โย
โi am horrified!โย
shoko snorted, โrich kids.โย
you threw her a glare before the three of you squeezed through the crowd until you reached a quieter section tucked near the back of the room.ย
a curved leather couch sat half-empty beneath dim red lights, thankfully far enough from the speakers that your skull stopped vibrating the second you sat down.ย
you exhaled deeply, chest deflating as you blinked up at your friends who were looking at you with amusement.ย
โdrinks?โ utahime questioned as shoko nodded eagerly while you merely hummed, shoulders tense as you gazed around the sea of bodies.ย
utahime disappeared toward the bar while shoko took a seat beside you, the leather beneath you sticky in a way that had you shuddering, sitting at the very edge of the couch.ย
fuck, you hated this and you couldnโt explain why.ย
yes, you hated parties in general but you just felt wrong.ย
โyouโre being weird tonight.โ shoko observed, eyes narrowed on your tense figure.ย
you frowned faintly, โi knowโฆi feel weird.โ
your skin felt like it was buzzing, chest vibrating in a way it usually wasnโt.ย
it wasnโt necessarily bad, but simply off.ย
you felt your soulmate more than ever tonight, you were almost hyperaware.ย
he felt electric.ย
every emotion coming from him felt sharper somehow, close enough that you could almost mistake them for your own.ย
your pulse kept jumping for no reason.ย
fuck, you hated this.ย
โis it devils dick?โ shoko casually asked as your eyes closed momentarily.ย
how would you explain that it was both yes and no.ย
yes, the bond felt different tonight.ย
but no, it wasnโt muscle aches or phantom pain you were feeling on his end, though you didn't want to speak too soon.ย
it was a friday after all. friday nights usually meant bruised ribs by saturday morning.ย
โoh my god, guys!โ hime stood before you, handing shoko her drink before placing a water bottle in your hand, โeveryoneโs saying gojo and his crew are gonna be here!โย
your eyes rolled gently, very much aware of utahimeโs obsession with those random illegitimate fighters.ย
underground fights happened constantly throughout the city.ย
illegal betting rings buried beneath clubs and abandoned buildings, violent enough that respectable people pretended they didnโt exist despite everyone secretly knowing otherwise.ย
your father even told you how known politicians and well known figures even placed bets they hid from the public.ย ย
and lately, there was one name that everyone kept talking about-
โdo you think sukuna would show up?โ shoko questioned, eyes wide with excitement, taking a sip of her cherry vodka as you looked between the two girls.ย
ryomen sukuna.ย
youโd heard it constantly from utahime the past few months.ย
uathime, shoko, sora and percy often went on double dates to these underground fights you had zero interest in.ย
you were very much used to fifth wheeling alongside your friends, that wasnโt the issue. the issue was rooted in the prospect of spending the night in a filthy underground boxing ring riddled with people and violence alike. yuck.ย
still, amongst all the fighters utahime gushed about, ryomen sukuna seemed to be the most known.ย
the undefeated underground fighter with pink hair and a snake tattoo across his shoulders and collarbones.ย
people were terrified of him just as equally as they were obsessed with him.ย
โpercy says sukuna knocked his opponent unconscious in under thirty seconds last week!โ shoko stated, taking another sip as utahime nodded frantically.ย
โheโs insane!โ utahime gushed, โlike, gojo is obviously a show off and just cares about the clout he gets but sukuna? heโs terrifyingโฆโ
utahime continued, you were sure. you could see her mouth moving but you didnโt-couldnโt register the words she'd uttered.ย
the world around you turned hazy, just enough to feel like everything slowed in a way that definitely wasnโt normal.ย
your heartbeat stopped, not metaphorically, but physically.ย
a sharp wave of adrenaline crashed violently into your chest hard enough to steal the breath straight from your lungs.ย
you went still, every muscle in your body tightening instinctively.ย
you could see both of the girls leaning towards you, brows furrowed in concern, mouths moving and uttering words you knew were dipped in concern. you couldnโt hear any of it.ย
you swallowed hard, eyes darting up and around you, as if a siren was luring you towards the crowd, come to me, come, come.ย
fuck, were you drugged or something?
your heartbeat stuttered painfully beneath your ribs, once, twice then again.ย
you felt like youโd been dropped underwater while everyone else remained above the surface.ย
the bond felt raw and entirely too overwhelming.
it felt like standing at the edge of something life-altering, like your soul had recognized something before your mind could catch up to it.ย
for the first time since youโd first felt your soulmate, he didnโt feel far away.ย
you had grown used to the idea of him, something intangible and not truly real.ย
merely a ghost haunting the edges of your nervous system, phantom bruises in the middle of lectures and an adrenaline rush at three in the morning.ย
he was the deep-seated exhaustion that riddled your body but didnโt belong to you.ย
but this felt real. close enough to touch.ย
the sensation crawled slowly beneath your skin, winding around your ribs like invisible string being pulled tighter and tighter and tighter until you thought you might choke on it.ย
the realization hit your bloodstream like a drug.ย
he was here, you knew it. you could feel it in your bones.ย
your eyes darted towards the door that had swung open, summer air rushing inside alongside four figures dressed almost entirely in black.ย
the first thing you noticed was height.ย
they all carried themselves with the same dangerous sort of confidence, the kind that came from men who had never truly feared consequences before.ย
one of them had snowy white locks, the tallest of the bunch, bright enough to catch beneath the flashing lights, sunglasses balanced lazily across his nose despite the fact that it was nearly midnight.ย
another stood beside him, quieter with shoulder length black locks with stretched gauges in his ears and sharp eyes that swept across the room once before settling into bored indifference.
the third one was shorter than the rest but still tall, black locks in two spiked buns with a joint resting between plump pink lips, eyes hooded in a way that exposed that joint not being his first of the night.
they were all attractive in a way that felt almost unfair and dangerous.ย
people moved out of their path without being asked.ย
your eyes turned to the one trailing just a step behind them and your breath caught so violently, it hurt.ย
the salmon colored locks gave him away.ย
ryomen sukuna.ย
tattoos curled dark against tan skin disappearing beneath the collar of a black shirt that stretched across broad shoulders.ย
even from where you stood, you could see the dried blood and bruises across his knuckles.ย
he looked nothing like what youโd imagined from shokoโs descriptions.ย
and simultaneously, exactly like it too.ย
something deep inside you snapped taut, your stomach dropping.ย
you could tell he was dazed too, jaw locked and eyes blinking at a slow pace, eyes looking around the sea of bodies.ย
the soulmate bond surged so hard beneath your ribs, you physically recoiled, fingers gripping the edge of the leather couch.ย
oh god. no, no, no.
oh my godโฆ
โoh my god,โ utahime whispered beside you, though unlike you, she sounded impressed rather than horrified.ย
shoko looked moments away from passing out entirely.ย
โthatโs him!โ she breathed out quietly.ย
you couldnโt answer, breath stilling and hands trembling.ย
because sukuna had stopped walking.
fuck, the realization came slowly enough to feel cruel.ย
maroon eyes met your own and the room around you dissolved entirely.ย the music became muffled noise, lights blurring and the crowd disappeared.
all you could see was him. him. him. him.ย
he was all you could see, feel and you knew all he could see was you.ย
sukuna felt it the second he stepped through the doorway.ย
you.ย
the bond snapped violently alive beneath his skin hard enough that his entire body locked for half a second mid-step.ย
he almost thought someone had drugged him until he remembered he hadnโt even drank anything yet.ย
then what was this feeling?ย
his eyes locked on yours and he felt the most alive heโd felt in his life.
something even the ring and the violence couldn't offer.ย
there you were, all too pretty and wide eyed.ย
he barely heard gojo speak beside him anymore, the lanky man rambling on about some idiot from last weekโs fight who apparently called him out on twitter after.ย
sukuna ignored him completely because across the room sat a girl staring at him like sheโd seen a ghost.ย
and in some ways, he was your ghost.ย
he haunted you and lived under your skin in ways he was sure you didnโt appreciate in the slightest.ย
his soulmate.ย
years of phantom feelings crashed together all at once so violently, it almost made him sick.ย
because the realization hit him harder than heโd anticipated and yes, he had anticipated this.ย
the moment heโd meet his soulmate.ย
well, he dreaded more than anticipated it.ย
it hit him hard because he realized that he knew this girl.ย
sukuna had never met you, yet, he bet he knew you more than the two girls hovering over you. more than fucking anyone.ย
you were the girl whose stress bled into his bones during finals week, the girl who wrapped her arms around herself at night and somehow lulled him to sleep from miles away.ย
you were real.ย
and you looked soft.ย
that was the first thing he took note of.ย
soft skin, soft wide eyes, soft pink shimmery gloss coating your plush lips he recognized only through phantom warmth heโd felt against his own skin before.ย
his soulmate was a pretty little thing, so pretty it almost made his chest ache.ย in your tiny skirt and halter top.
far too fucking pretty to belong anywhere near him.ย
โsukuna?โย
chosoโs voice cut through the haze faintly and sukuna snapped out of it, gaze finally leaving hers to glance at his friend who tilted his head towards the other side of the room.ย
sukuna resisted the urge to glance at you as he made his way across the room.
fuck, fuck, fuck!ย
this couldnโt be happening, this was a fucking nightmare.ย
just as he made it across the room, he felt it.ย
warm fingertips brushing his own skin despite his hands at his sides.ย
his pulse stuttered once.ย
his gaze snapped to yours once more and your eyes widened instantly when you noticed his hand drift to his neck where your own hand was resting.ย
slowly and carefully, sukuna lifted his own hand.ย
his fingers brushed lightly against the side of his jaw, a barely there touch.ย
yet, across the room, your breath hitched sharply as warmth bloomed against your own jawline seconds later.ย
not imagined or coincidence. it was all real, so so real.ย
your stomach twisted violently.ย
oh no. no no no no.ย
shoko was gazing at you, โwhatโs wrong?!โย
you couldnโt answer, eyes stuck on a pair of crimson that held you hostage.
her eyes narrowed as both her and utahime followed your gaze before catching sukunaโs eyes on you.ย
then they both looked between you both a total of five times before realization hit.ย
โwait,โ shoko whispered harshly, hand shooting out to grip your arm, โWAIT.โ
your heartbeat pounded so violently, you thought you might faint right then and there beneath the flashing red lights.
what you despised most is that it made sense.ย
of course it was him. a violent and dangerous underground fighter, fuck, that explained everything so perfectly.
if fate was a person, youโd have her by the neck right now.ย
because sukuna was still staring at you, as if he knew you already and perhaps, he did.ย
then horrifyingly, he smirked.ย
and suddenly, you understood exactly why the entire city feared ryomen sukuna.ย
sukuna moved before he could really think about it, jaw clenched but determined.
one second he stood on the other side of the room and the next, his body was already weaving through the crowd toward you like the bond itself had wrapped invisible fingers around his spine and dragged him to you. you. his soulmate.ย
people moved instantly to let him pass.ย
you took note of that immediately.ย
you noticed the way conversations died around him, the way bodies shifted out of his path and nobody dared touch him, even accidentally.ย
it was fear, you realized. people feared him.ย
the recognition made your stomach twist.ย
โoh my god,โ shoko whispered harshly beside you, nails digging into your arm, โheโs coming over here!โย
โi can see that.โ you hissed back faintly, though your voice barely sounded like your own.ย
fuck, you should leave. you should absolutely leave.ย
except, you couldnโt move, body drilled to where you sat, frozen in place while ryomen fucking sukuna rossed the room toward you like some predator chasing prey.ย
closer and closer and closer.ย
until suddenly, all his 6โ4 glory was towering above you.ย
your breath caught embarrassingly hard.ย
up close, he was worse.ย
taller than youโd imagined and broader too.ย
there were faint bruises scattered along his jawline beneath the dim lights, on the very spot that you woke up feeling sore. fresh cuts healed across his knuckles.ย
and his eyes, god, they looked at you with the same recognition burning through your own chest.ย
sukuna looked down at you for a moment too long.ย
fuck, you were even more ethereal up close.ย
that thought hit him first and annoyingly hardest.ย
his pretty little soulmate sitting curled into the edge of a leather couch looking at him with wide doe eyes, almost expectantly with a mix of fear and restraint.ย
โhey.โย
his voice slid down your spine like smoke.ย
low, dangerous and rough in a way even your mind couldnโt conjure up.
fuck, was this really happening?
your throat tightened instantly, โhi.โ
the word left you horrifyingly softer than youโd intended and sukunaโs lips twitched at the sound.ย
your voice was his favorite sound, instantly.ย
โum,โ shoko hummed, eyes wide as she shared a glance with utahime, โweโll give you two a second.โ
you almost wanted to yell in protest, but the two girls were already shuffling away, shooting you encouraging looks.ย
as you glanced up at the dangerous man once more, you felt your heart still in a way you hadnโt ever felt before.ย
not in fear or apprehension but calm.ย
he made you feel calm, your body stilling and quieting in a way you hadnโt expected.ย
regretfully, fuck, you despised it, but when that gentleness overcame you and you looked up at himโฆ
his disheveled pink locks, his handsome rugged features and his dark eyes, all of it was him.ย
and you felt stupid for trying to deny that this man was your soulmate.ย
who else would it be?ย
โiโm sukuna,โ he stated lowly, moving to take a seat beside you, leaving an appreciative distance between you, โryomen sukuna.โย
your name left you softly with a nod.ย
as you gazed at each other, the same realization overcame you both.ย
even with barely an introduction, you knew each other.ย
while sukuna had only fond memories of what youโd done for him, your mind was riddled with poisonous ones.ย
this was the man who often trained in the middle of the night, filling you with soreness and a rush of adrenaline that left you sleepless most nights.ย
he was the one who fucked other girls knowing what that put you through.ย
your heart clenched.ย
beyond all those things, he was the one who hugged himself to sleep after that one night of utter hell.ย
he was the one who held a hot water bottle to his stomach when your cramps left you nauseated and pained in bed.ย
as much as you wanted to forget those things, to snap yourself out of the sad patheticness that riddled you, how could you?
how could you when those were the only memories that kept your hope that he wasnโt a total monster alive?
your eyes travelled along his bloodied knuckles, โyou get those a lot.โย
sukunaโs fists instinctively clenched at the attention.
โand you burn yourself with whatever you do your hair with at least twice a week.โ
your eyes widened instantly.ย
โand you get punched like every other day!โย
sukunaโs mouth twitched and you hated how your eyes drifted towards the movement and your heart stuttered.ย
โbarely.โ sukuna stated cooly, a small smirk painting his features.ย
your eyes drifted toward him again before you could stop yourself.ย
and then you remembered.ย
every phantom feeling, every sleepless night and every ache.
all attached to him.ย
the violence, the pain, the girls.ย
your jaw tightened, "youโre not exactly the best person to be connected to, you know.โย
sukunaโs expression didnโt shift much, still cool, but you felt it.ย
the hollow drop in your stomach that wasnโt yours. guilt.ย
real and immediate, it almost made you laugh in disbelief.ย
of course he felt guilty, he had to know he was a fucking nightmare.ย
sukuna leaned back slightly, jaw working once as his gaze flickered away from yours for half a second, โyeah, i bet.โย
your brows lifted, โthatโs it?โย
his eyes returned to yours, low and indifferent.ย
you scoffed, anger bubbling up so quickly, it nearly startled you, โthatโs all you have to say?โย
sukuna let out a breath through his nose, โwhat do you want me to say?โ
โoh, i donโt know,โ you let out a sharp little laugh that held not an ounce of humor, โmaybe sorry would be a good place to start?!โย
sukunaโs head tilted, โsorry.โย
you stared at him in utter disbelief before a laugh left you once more, this time softer and dripped in something worse than anger, โwowโฆโย
sukunaโs eyes borrowed, โwhat?โย
โyouโre unbelievable is what!โย
โyou asked for sorry.โย
โnot like that!โ you nsapped, voice rising just enough to have your cheeks flushing, โnot like youโre apologizing for stepping on my shoe!โ
his expression hardened slightly and you felt it immediately, the irritation beginning to curl beneath his skin.ย
ugh, you hated how the closeness made both your emotions so heightened.ย
โyou have no idea what you put me through,โ you continued, voice trembling despite you rbest efforts, โnone.โย
sukunaโs gaze darkened, โdonโt do that.โ
โdo what?โย
โact like i wasnโt there too.โย
you blinked at him, something hot and ugly twisting in your chest.ย
was he for real?ย
โyou were there?โ you repeated quietly, โyou were there?โย
his jaw clenched, โdonโt-โ
โno, please,โ you leaned forward slightly, anger sharpening every word, โexplain it to me. because to my knowledge, you were the one making my life miserable while i was the one trying to keep us both sane!โ
sukuna looked at you for a long moment, jaw clenching and unclenching.ย
the lights washed over his face in flashes of red, making him look even more unreal than he already did.ย
โyou think i wanted this?โ he stated more than asked and your heart clenched.ย
hurt shot through you, your eyes growing glassy against your will because you knew he wasnโt referring to the pain heโd put you through.ย
he meant the soulmate thing in general, fate as a whole.ย
he didnโt want you.
you bit the inside of your cheek, willing your tears to stay in your eyes before breathing out, โno. but neither did i.โย
silence settled between you then, not peaceful but loaded.ย
sukuna could physically feel your hurt and his eyes dropped briefly to your hands where they trembled in your lap.ย
your fingers curled instantly, too proud as you hid the movement.ย
it was too late. heโd seen it.ย
even worse, heโd felt it.
โi didnโt know.โ he stated lowly and you froze.ย
your eyes flickered up, โwhat?โย
his tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek, expression unreadable.ย
โat first,โ he clarified, โi didnโt know what it did to you.โย
your chest tightening, knowing what he was referring to and his words didnโt soothe you in the slightest.ย
โand after?โย
in fact, it made it all worse.ย
especially as he said nothing.ย
your face fell slightly, all the anger in you cooling into something quieter and melancholic.ย
โafter, you knew.โย
his gaze remained on you as his fingers flexed once against his thigh, โyeah, i knew.โย
your eyes burned and you hated yourself for it.ย
you hated that it still hurt despite knowing already, you hated that hearing him say it aloud made it real in a way the bond never had.ย
โwhy?โ you asked, the one word absolutely humiliating as much as it was devastating.ย
sukuna looked away first and somehow, that hurt too, โbecause it was easier.โย
your lips parted faintly, โeasier?โย
he lout out a grunt, โif you hated me, you wouldnโt look for me.โย
the words settled between you like something deadly.ย
for a second, you genuinely couldnโt speak.ย
then you did, โthat is the stupidest, shittiest thing iโve ever heard.โย
hsi eyes snapped back to yours, scowling, โcareful.โย
โoh, fuck you!โ you hissed lowly, โyou donโt get to do that! you donโt get to hurt me on purpose and then act like it was some noble sacrifice.โย
his jaw tightened, โit wasnโt noble.โย
โyeah, no shit.โย
โit was necessary.โย
you laughed once, incredulous, โnecessary? well, congrats, you got what you wanted, i absolutely fucking despise you.โย
sukunaโs jaw clenched, eyes glaring at you, โgood. because you donโt know shit about me, this saves us both the hassle.โ
โi donโt know you?โ you shot back, โi know you more than anyone, probably. i know your body hurts more often than they donโt. i know you clench your jaw when youโre mad. i know you canโt sleep because of your nightmares and unless somebody practcially forces your nervous system to shut down, you could go days without it. i know youโre so angry at the fucking world, it makes you so hateful.โ
sukuna went still, too still.ย
you swallowed hard, eyes burning once more, โand i know that for years, i was the one cleaning up the damage you left behind.โย
his eyes darkened, โcleaning up?โย
โyes,โ your voice cracked despite yourself, โme. i was the one hugging myself to sleep because you wouldnโt. i was the one stretching every morning because your body always felt like fucking concrete. i was the one coloring like a goddamn toddler at three in the morning because it was the only thing that made your anger stop choking me!โย
sukuna said nothing and you hated that even more.ย
you wanted him to argue back, to answer, to fucking care.ย
โdo you know how pathetic that feels?โ you whispered, โtaking care of someone who kept hurting me?โย
his expression shifted, barely, but you felt it again.ย
the guilt, even deeper this time.ย
sukuna looked at you like he wanted to say something cruel and couldnโt quite manage it, settling with, โyou didnโt have to do all that.โย
your laugh came out watery, tears now trickling down your heated cheeks.ย
fuck, you felt nauseous, you felt so fucking sick.ย
โyeah, i know that now.โย
something passed across his face then, a flicker of pain so quick, you almost missed it.ย
but the bond didnโt allow you to miss anything. you felt it bloom in your own chest, sharp and unwanted. his.ย
for one terrible second, you almost let it soften you.ย
almost.ย
because there it was again.ย
that tiny, stupid sliver of hope youโd spend years nurturing because it was the only thing that kept you mildly sane.ย
the one that whispered that maybe he wasn't all cruelty. maybe there was something beneath all that violence and pain.ย
maybe the boy who held a hot water bottle to his stomach when your cramps got bad had to exist somewhere inside the man sitting in front of you.ย
you looked at him then, through your blurry vision, really and truly looked.ย
the hard line of his jaw, the coldness in his eyes and the casual arrogance sitting across his shoulders like armor.ย
and that hope crumbled quietly inside your chest.ย
not dramatically or all at once, but piece by piece, like something old finally accepting it had been dead for a long time.ย
utter disappointment filled you then. you should have known better.ย
this shouldn't be surprising.ย
sukuna had spent years telling you exactly who he was, painting you the worst image of himself and you had hoped it was just that.ย
the worst of himself.ย
except the worst was all of him.ย
sukuna was cruel. not because he didnโt know better but because he did.ย
because heโd known what hurt you and decided hurting you was easier than wanting you.ย
you swallowed around the ache in your throat, suddenly exhausted in a way a thousand years of sleep couldnโt fix.ย
all you wanted was to be home now, cuddled up with ani in your room alone.ย
โright,โ you whispered, nodding once to yourself.ย
sukunaโs brows pulled together slightly, โright what?โย
you pushed yourself to your feet, smoothing trembling hands over the front of your skirt because you needed something to do. anything that didnโt involve looking at him.ย
โthis was enlightening.โย
his eyes narrowed, โsit down.โย
the command sparked something sharp beneath your ribs, the thorn twisting in your heart.ย
you let out a hollow laugh, โfuck you.โย
his jaw flexed, โdonโt make a scene.โย
your name left him then and you hated the way your stomach fluttered at the melody of it in his voice.ย
fuck, your heart hurt.ย
because he was your soulmate.ย yours.
because some sick, twisted part of you had expected the universe to redeem itself when you finally found him.ย
you expected the first moment to feel like every story youโd grown up hearing, witnessed amongst your friends.ย
warmth, recognition and relief.ย
instead, you were standing in front of the man who had turned your body into a battlefield and your heart into collateral damage.ย
โi hope i never see you again.โย
something flickered across his face then and you didnโt stay long enough to decipher it.ย
you turned around, the crowd swallowing you almost immediately as you walked away.ย
music slammed back into your skull, bodies pressing close as you pushed through them with shaking hands and blurred vision.ย
your chest felt too tight, lungs too small for the oxygen your body ached for.ย
behind you, you felt sukuna rise before you saw it. the immediate pull.
his presence growing closer and your heart stuttered stupidly.ย
some miserable, pathetic part of you sparked alive at the thought before you could kill it.ย
maybe he did care.ย
maybe he was going to take back all the words he regretted, that he would stop you and apologize properly this time.ย
he would say what youโve been waiting years to feel.ย
the thought was so humiliating, it almost made you sick.ย
โfuck are you lookinโ at?!โย
you heard his voice aimed at the crowd of people that were watching you both, probably since your conversation on the couch.ย
you shoved through the door and stepped into the narrow hallway outside the main room, the music muffling instantly behind you.ย
the air was cooler here, damp with rain and cigarette smoke, blue neon bleeding through the cracked windows at the end of the corridor.
you took in a breath like you hadnโt breathed in days, eyes shutting as your heart hammered against your chest, trying to simply process everything that had taken place.ย
โhey.โ his voice followed you out and you froze, heart stilling.ย
stupid, traitorous thing.ย
you turned slowly, eyes fluttering open.ย
sukuna stood a few feet away, tall and shadowed beneath the hallway light.ย
away from the party, he seemed even more dangerous. less like a person and more like a warning your body had spent seven years failing to understand.ย
he was an enigma.ย
for one breath, neither of you spoke.ย
your hope stood there too, fragile and shaking, fucking pitiful.ย
waiting.ย
sukunaโs gaze dragged over your face once, catching on the wetness beneath your eyes and his expression tightened faintly.ย
say it, you thought bitterly.ย
say sorry! say you didnโt mean it!ย
say something!
his jaw worked once, โno one can know.โย
your brows furrowed, the hope dying cleanly.ย
โexcuse me?โย
sukuna stepped closer, voice lower now.ย
his mouth opened to clarify when his gaze met your own once more.ย
your wide glassy eyes. your pretty face that was streaked with tears, your plump bitten lips.ย
the little sniffles that left you, making his ribs ache.ย
and suddenly, he froze, the words stuck in his throat.ย
fuck, he had to get it together.ย
โabout this.โย
your lips parted faintly, โabout us?โ
the word us felt absolutely pathetic in your mouth.ย
all too soft and hopeful. undeserved, even.ย
something in his eyes shifted at the sound of it but it was gone before you could hold onto it.ย
โthere is no us.โย
oh. you actually felt that one.ย
not through the bond, nor as some phantom ache borrowed from him.ย
the pain was yours, all yours.ย
you laughed once, quiet and disbelieving as you took a small step back, โwowโฆโ
sukuna followed you, taking one step forward as his jaw clenched, โlisten to me-โย
โno,โ you shook your head slowly, voice trembling, โno, i think i understand perfectly.โย
โoh my god,โ you shook your head, โi canโt believe i thought-โย
you stopped, humiliation burning up your throat.ย
sukuna stared, taking a step closer, his chest now brushing your chin, โthought what?โย
his voice was almost desperate and you swallowed, blinking hard, โnothing.โย
his face tightened and he felt it anyway, of course he did.ย
the hope and hurt.ย
the fact that some tiny, unbearable part of you had wanted him to come after you because he simply couldnโt let you leave.ย
sukuna looked away first as you took a step back. fucking coward.ย
โitโs dangerous.โ he stated as you stared at the side of his face.
โdangerous?โย
โyes.โย
โfor who?โย
his gaze cut back to yours, โfor you.โย
you almost laugh but he continued before you could.ย
โpeople know me and if they know about you, theyโll use you. you make me weak.โย
the words landed colder than you'd expected.ย
sukuna watched you closely, as if waiting for the fear to register and maybe it did.ย
somewhere deep, deep down, but anger got there first.ย
โso thatโs what this is?โ you whispered, tears leaving you without you noticing, โdamage control?โย
his silence was answer enough and you nodded faintly, tears burning hot once more.ย
โright.โย
โyou need to keep your mouth shut about it.โย
you flinched before you could stop yourself and sukuna paused, regret flashing through instantly.ย
โdonโt talk to me like that.โ you stated lowly and his jaw clenched.ย
โiโm trying to keep you safe.โย
โoh, how big of you.โย
the hallway seemed to shrink around you both.ย
outside, rain tapped gently against the glass.ย
inside, bass thudded like a second heartbeat through the walls.ย
you looked at him then, this man that fate had tied to you with an invisible string and cruelty dressed up as destiny. and for the first time since youโd felt him at sixteen, you stopped wondering what it would be like to find him.ย
because now you knew and god, you wish you didnโt.ย
it felt like losing something youโd never even had.ย
โis that all?โ you questioned lowly, clearing your throat once.
sukuna stared at you, nose flaring and throat bobbing once, โyeah.โย
another piece of you gave out as you nodded, โokay.โย
the word was so calm, it made his eyes sharpen.ย
you turned away, walking past him but his hand caught your wirst before you could takeย full step.ย
skin met skin and the bond went silent, completely and utterly silent.ย
no buzzing or aching or distance.ย
just him, all warm and real. terribly real.ย
your breath hitched at his touch. it was the first time heโd ever touched you.ย
sukuna froze too, fingers wrapped around your wrist like heโd touched fire and couldnโt make himself pull away.ย
for one second, just one, all the cruelty fell quiet.ย
and you felt him beneath it, scared and lonely, wanting and waiting.ย
you felt it and you hated him for letting you feel it now.ย
slowly, you looked down at his hand then back up at him, โlet go.โย
his grip tightened by a fraction, โthis is the best thing for the both of us.โย
your face crumpled before you could stop it.ย
you pulled your wrist free and this time, he let you.ย
โoh, trust me, not having to be stuck with you? i couldnโt agree more.โ venom laced your words as sukunaโs expression changed, tightened and you felt the hurt then.ย
sharp and immediate and you were glad for it.ย
you turned and walked away then, tears streaming down your cheeks and a sob left you as soon as you were out of his vicinity.ย
for the first time, the bond didn't feel like a thread pulling you closerโฆ
it felt like noose.
โ
an | was so late with this but had the worst past few days so SORRY! anyways PLSSS lmk what u think cuz i'm iffy abt the direction of this BUT this is lowk my fav thing i've written omg! this is kinda like a prologue pt2, next chapters will deffo be longer! i cannot wait to write more of these two and sukuna's a dick but bear w him ! also each chapter in the masterlist will be titled a song and i recommend listening to it while reading for the vibes ๐ซก
also lowk need toji BAD i wanna give him some lore so lmk if u want a one-shot of him in this au!
using you to get close to his target seemed like a good idea - until toji ended up the one with a bullseye on his heart instead
synopsis: you were paid to pick up after Satoru's messes. toji was paid to put a bullet in him. but doing his job is a lot more difficult when the lines between personal and professional get blurred. just how far will he go to get the job done without losing you too?
pairing: hitman!toji x f!reader
wc: 10.6k
content: smut, light angst, YANDERE TOJI, he's a hitman so murder lol, stalking, obsession, jealousy, oblivious reader, falling for each other, he's lowk crazy lol but he is hot!!, mentions of drinking, flirting, he wants us bad, semi-public sex, fingering in a bar bathroom, making out, shower sex, light spanking, pulling out, toji is a problem solver lmfao, comfort
a/n: toji art is by @ackshuallyvalerie !! this was a commission for the lovely @chewiebee
For a pretty penny, he could put a bullet in anyone.
Toji had been doing it long enough now that pulling the trigger didnโt bother him. The things that did were dulled with booze, gambling whatever he was given and riding on the high until he crashed and couldnโt afford shit anymore.ย
Then he did it all again. And again. And again.
โThis one is-โ Shiu started, and the hesitation in his voice irritated the shit out of him. Like he couldnโt fucking handle the same job heโd been doing for years.ย
โHow much?โ Toji interrupted, bringing a lukewarm beer to his lips, watching some boxing game on the barโs tv. The sound was muted, but it wasnโt like anyone would be able to hear it over the rumble of drunken girls giggling and grown men arguing over which athlete was better.ย
Shiu slid over the contract, tapping over the amount being offered.ย
It was more than his past six jobs combined.ย
โIโm in.โย ย
Shiu made a weak attempt to try and talk him out of it. Tell him heโd end up in jail at best, or buried six feet under at worst. That the target was high profile.ย
Toji didnโt care who it was a death sentence for. It wasnโt like there was much worth left in living anyway.ย
Flipping through the file, headshots of some smarmy-looking CEO, the kind of guy who made millions in a day just by existing, probably spending more time spinning around in his office chair than actually doing a shred of the work he was paid for. Blessed from the time he was born to be rich and beautiful, rolling around in dollar bills and women with big tits.ย
Satoru Gojo had never known a single day of struggle. Of suffering.ย
Honestly, heโd probably do the job even if he wasnโt being paid for it just to see the look on his face when the gun went off. Watch the life drain from him out and stain his custom-made suit.ย
He spent a few days doing research he hated. Copying down schedules and figuring out the holes in his security system. When he worked, who he spent time with, where he liked to frequent.ย
To find the answer to the question: how did a man who thought he was untouchable like to live?ย
Lavishly.ย
He went to the nicest gym in the city, the kind that probably cost more than Toji's rent did every month. Followed it up with treat shops, always leaving with a bag of desserts with enough sugar to give him cavities. No trips to the dentist though.ย
But the most interesting part of his routine was one that hadnโt been in any of the notes he was given. Not a blip on anyoneโs radar, apparently.ย
You.ย
โI got you a coffee,โ you offered, your short little pencil skirt riding up your thighs as you chased after your boss through the lobby of his fancy office building in the center of the city.ย
โThanks,โ he grinned at you, grabbing it just to place all the papers heโd been holding in your hands instead, pushing even more on top while you awkwardly opened and shut your mouth to stop yourself from saying anything.ย
He took a small sip, scrunched his nose up while Toji struggled not to scoff out loud from where he was pretending to read a magazine in the corner next to the other waiting clients, all of them eagerly hoping to meet with the not-so-great Satoru Gojo.
โItโs not sweet enough,โ Gojo criticized, masking his attitude with playfulness, acting like a child while you apologized to him as if youโd done something wrong by thinking of him.ย
He wasnโt listening. Just kept moving towards the elevators, pulling his phone from his pockets to make a phone call to some other prick, probably.ย
You scrambled behind him, folders stacked up in your arms, the coffee cup precariously balanced on top of the pile.ย
God, what kind of fucking loser didn't carry his own stuff?ย
His pretty little assistant he used more like a pack mule.ย
It didnโt take long to find out your name.ย
From there, everything else was easy.ย
Finding out where you lived was as simple as following you from your car to your shitty little apartment, poorly paid and scraping by while your boss lived in his luxury penthouse on the opposite side of the city. Figuring out what foods you liked from what you spent too long looking at in the grocery store before you sighed and tossed a bag of rice in your cart instead. Snapping photos of you from afar like a fucking secret admirer through your window once you got back home, time stamped and saved to a special folder on his laptop, watching you shed your coat and clothes, trading them in for t-shirts and pajama pants.ย
Toji wasnโt a stalker though.
Of course not.ย
He was just doing what he was paid for.ย
And what easier way was there to get to Gojo than through his cute, clueless assistant?ย
You werenโt even aware when he trailed behind you on the street, head trained forward, always in a rush, scampering from place to place without stopping. Running errands for a man who couldnโt care less about you.
And in this city, you might be the only person as alone as him.ย
Toji couldnโt put his finger on when studying you had become less of a chore and more of a habit. Day four? Week two?
Watching and waiting for the right time to approach?ย
For all his expertise, his ability to move through the world unseen, unnoticed, it worked against him for once when you ran straight into him trying to leave your usual coffee shop, turning when he hadnโt expected it and smacking into his chest at full speed.
The coffee โ something cold and sugary and sweet โ splashed over both of you, your white shirt soaked through to see a pale pink bra underneath, your face flushing for the wrong reasons as you immediately started rattling off apologies.
โOh god, Iโm so sorry,โ you muttered, trying to use the few napkins you grabbed to dab at his t-shirt, rubbing uselessly despite the fabric already being black. โI wasnโt paying attention, and-โย
โSโfine,โ he grunted, yanking one from his hand to wipe off your shirt instead.ย
You didnโt stop him.ย
Just froze, standing completely still as he dragged the napkin over your chest while it heaved, listening to you suck in a sharp breath.ย
When was the last time youโd even been intimate with a man if him cleaning your shirt had you practically pressing your thighs together in that prissy skirt of yours?ย
Admittedly, there was a distinct disgust churning in him at the image of you being intimate with someone else, despite how quickly he rejected it.
It wasn't like you were more than a mark to Toji.
He squinted, eyes narrowing as his attention shifted to your face just to find you openly gawking at his broad chest, lips still parted mid-apology.ย
โOh, um, thanks,โ you practically squeaked, looking up at all with big, surprised eyes.ย ย
โWhatever,โ he tch-ed, digging out his last ten dollar bill from his wallet and holding it out despite the urge to just toss it at you to see what youโd do.ย
You shook your head, oblivious to the fact he was well-aware just how strapped to cash you really were, biting your bottom lip. โI canโt, I mean, that was really my fault, and-โย
โDonโt make me put it in your purse, doll,โ he huffed at you, even if he almost said bra. Tempted to tuck it in, wondering if youโd let him.ย
Did you even have it in you to stand up for yourself?ย
How the hell did a pretty thing like you survive so long on your own like this?ย
โA-are you sure?โ You stuttered, glancing back over him again.ย
His pride took a fucking hit at your uncertainty.ย
Did he seriously look like he couldnโt spare a ten dollar bill? Was it the sweatpants?ย
He showered this morning, bothered to spritz on cologne when he usually couldnโt give a shit. Toji ran his fingers through his hair, jaw locking as his eyes narrowed.
โYou got a pen?โ He grumbled, wagering that you definitely did. Maybe he hadnโt seen the inside of your purse, but heโd been watching you long enough to know what its contents were.ย
In a not creepy way.ย
โYes?โ You blinked, somehow cuter when you were confused.ย
Still though, you were obedient, anticipating him asking for it and just digging it out from your bag to hand to him. The tip of it had been bitten, another little hint of how nervous you were by nature.ย
He took it from you, his calloused fingers brushing against your much softer ones, a jolt of electricity traveling up his arm at the simple touch, the soft way your breath paused. You had to feel it too.ย
Toji scribbled his number down.ย
His personal cell.ย
You were beaming before he even finished writing the last number, standing up straighter, sticking your chest out more.ย
โIโll buy you a new shirt,โ he grunted, giving you the pen before the dollar, holding it out over your head, your stare flickering from his face to the money. โText me.โย
He wanted you to reach for it.ย
To chase him.ย
But three more days passed โ and he hadnโt heard a peep.ย
Toji knew what you were up to, tracking you instead of his target, taking notes on everything you did instead of texting him. You stared at your phone at home though, left the dollar bill sitting on your kitchen counter, running your fingers over his writing as if you werenโt sure what to do.ย
He supposed heโd have to help you figure it out then.ย
Especially considering Shiu was starting to get on his ass about getting the job done.ย
Because that was what this was supposed to be about โ a means to an end.ย
Faking a name tag was easy. Digging up the old utility overalls heโd seen some of the other maintenance workers wear at your office, the sort of position no one ever paid any mind to until they were needed for something. He didn't get much sleep, trading in his night shift watching you go to sleep for snooping around your office. And in the morning, after going back to his car to put on some cologne, he walked back in through the lobby like he was supposed to be there, not even getting courtesy nods from your coworkers.ย
Toji had memorized your schedule.ย
So he knew to be in the third floor break room at ten, pretending to fix something in the ceiling when you walked in to make a cup of coffee.ย
For yourself this time.ย
He was climbing down from the ladder he stole from a storage closet when you sighed and started cleaning up the mess the last person had left by the coffee machine. You didnโt notice, didnโt even turn until you went to grab a mug from the shelf, frowning when you realized they had all been moved to the top shelf.ย
A nice touch, in his opinion.ย ย
Setting everything up to be the one to take care of it for you, stepping behind you, close enough for you to feel his chest on your back as he reached up to get it for you.ย
โHere,โ he grumbled, and you slowly spun around to face him.ย
Stuck between his sturdy body and the cold counter, frozen in surprise at him being here. He wondered if youโd be scared, suspicious.ย
It was funny to watch you get so flustered instead, completely frazzled as you tried to find the words to say.ย
โUm, you, uh, work here?โ You finally managed, and he just raised a brow, the scar over his mouth twitching as he gestured towards the name tag on his belt.ย
You blushed again, your attention drifting to something else by it, the bulge he hadn't meant to be sporting.ย
โMhm,โ he hummed, a low drawl that made you smile at him.ย
It was sunny. You were. Bright, not bitter. Absolutely unaware that the world revolved around you.ย
โSorry,โ you apologized, even though you had no actual reason to. Maybe for not messaging him back. Maybe for stealing glances at his dick.ย
He paused, a weird strained feeling taking over his chest, constricting his lungs when you tilted your head to the side.ย
โI havenโt seen you around before,โ you added, holding your breath.ย
โIโve seen you,โ he shrugged, and your entire face practically lit up at the idea someone had been paying attention to you.ย
You swallowed hard, trying to stifle it. To keep it contained, to make yourself smaller in front of him, like he wouldnโt like you if you werenโt soft-spoken.ย
โDo you think you could take a look at the phones in my office? Well, Mr. Gojoโs,โ you corrected yourself, toying with your fingers before cringing. โOnly if you're available, of course. I put in a ticket but-โ
โSure,โ he grunted.ย
As long as the actual maintenance guy didnโt come, youโd never know the difference. After all, that was why heโd broken in last night. Disconnecting the phones himself, creating a couple issues with a few of the computers in the sales team downstairs that the real department would be too busy to handle any of your problems. If you ever pieced together he didnโt actually work there, it wouldnโt be until long after he was gone.
He'd prefer it if you never knew any better.ย
And Shiu never said he couldnโt have some fun first.ย
He followed you back to your office, not hiding his stare, enjoying how you were already squirming, nervously shifting and looking over your shoulder at him every few feet.ย
โYou didnโt have to do it now,โ you mumbled, embarrassed, but he shrugged.ย
Rolling his shoulders back to remind you how broad they were, catching the flash of you biting your lip before you faced forward again.ย
Everything about you was far more fucking adorable than it had any right to be.ย
Toji had never really gotten the appeal of stuffed animals. He never had any when he was a kid. No softness, no warmth, nothing small and sweet to hug. But you reminded him of one.
Or maybe that was just the urge to pick you up and squeeze you hard.ย
โWhatโs wrong with โem?โ He gruffly asked, gesturing ahead as you hit the button for the elevator to take you both to the top floor.ย
โThey just ring, and um, nothing happens,โ you tried to explain, smoothing down your skirt self-consciously.ย
He nodded, like he knew what the problem could be, and he did, actually. Because he caused it.ย
The elevator doors opened, thankfully empty. There was something annoying about the idea of sharing you โ even for a minute.ย
Toji told himself that you were just less irritating than other people. That it had nothing to do with you in particular, just how disgusting the rest of the world was.ย
But he was still observing how you pushed the button, how quickly you went back to fiddling with your fingers and picking at your cuticles. Clasping your hands in front of you, maybe just remembering the fact you forgot your coffee back in the break room. Left it by the pot you brewed, your lip gloss staining the rim from the single sip you'd taken and the drink inside growing cold.ย
Did you confess?ย
Admit you wanted to go back and grab it?ย
Nope.ย
He knew you wouldnโt. All that meant was another excuse to go back and get it for you himself, maybe make you a fresh one to cement his spot in your good graces, to get your guard down.ย
The elevator dinged, opening up to wooden floors and soft lighting. Wall art he had briefly contemplated stealing the night before, although he skipped since itโd be a bitch to sell.ย
Besides, heโd have more than enough money to cover anything he wanted to buy soon enough.ย
โUm, the phoneโs over here,โ you shyly said, leading him over to your desk.ย
Toji nodded, a low grunt of acknowledgement leaving his throat while he pretended to work on it, messing around with cables.ย
You were watching him, taking your seat and clicking away on your keyboard despite your eyes constantly flickering over to his.ย
He pretended he didnโt notice. Setting his jaw in a firm line while he unplugged stuff just to put it in different outlets. He considered tapping the lines, just to listen in to whatever you were saying during the day, but then he'd have to justify that expense to Shiu, and he really didnโt fucking feel like getting a lecture.ย
His handler would tell him just to take out the target already. Stop wasting his time getting close to a liability.ย
But of all the risks Toji had taken, you were the easiest one of all.
Would you let him find an excuse to get under your desk? Maybe catch a peek at whatever pair of panties you picked out today?ย
Your personal phone rang โ and you were scrambling to pick it up and answer.ย
โHello?โ Your voice lilted up, all pure and sweet, and Toji immediately loathed whoever you were addressing.ย
It wasnโt anything he could control, just instinctual irritation, a cheese grater to his patience watching you sit up straighter in your chair while you listened to whoever was on the other end.ย
โOf course, sir,โ you chirped. He had to stop himself from snapping the cord he was holding when he caught how you were subtly twirling your hair. Glancing down at your lap and sucking in a sharp breath before you mumbled, โSorry, Satoru.โย
Toji had to look down to make sure he didn't somehow electrocute himself when the edges of his vision tinged with red, annoyance rolling into a tight ball of anger. The hard kind that couldn't crack, just rolled around in the pit of his stomach, demanding something be done about it.ย
โOkay, see you in thirty.โ You smiled. A soft one, biting it back before plastering a practiced expression of professionalism, probably remembering Toji was still here.ย
He scowled at the realization Gojo coming back meant he should probably skip bringing you that coffee. Didn't want to risk running into him too soon.ย
You hung up, and he shoved the last cord back in the correct place.ย
โTry now,โ he growled, picking the phone up from the receiver and passing it to you.
You took it from him, your fingertips brushing against his again, all gentle as you cradled it between your shoulder and ear, nails clicking on the keypad. Relief flooded your face when it worked, looking up at him like you were thankful.ย
Gratitude wasn't something Toji knew how to receive.ย
He was used to the exchange of cash, of cold demands that ended in death. Your warmth was alien.ย
What had a guy like Satoru Gojo ever done to deserve it?ย
Was this jealousy? Bitter and begging to be addressed, his skin itching at imagining the man getting your company all day long, having you at his beck and call.ย
Whatever it was, Toji was going to fucking squash it.ย
โThank you, it was really nice of you-โ
โWhat are you doing after work?โ He interrupted before you could finish rambling, making all the reasons why you were easy to take advantage of excruciatingly obvious. You were too sweet. Too nice. Acting like he was a saint for fixing your phone, unaware he was the sinner who broke it to begin with. Who'd break your boss too, the second he got the chance.ย
โUm, nothing?โ You blinked. Your lips were still parted, but you didn't say anything.ย
โWanna grab drinks?โ He grumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets. Toji wanted to lean across the desk, put his palm flat on top of your useless papers and peek at your cleavage, but you were the sort that scared easily.ย
The confusion on your face was cute.ย
โLike, as coworkers?โ You were clueless. โAre other people coming or-โย
Did you seriously fucking think you were just getting left out of some after work hangout?ย
โLike a date,โ he clarified, struggling not to contain his urge to bend you over your desk and show you just how not-platonic his interest was.ย
โWith me?โย
You were gawking, but there was an unmistakable air of giddiness to your face, a grin you couldn't suppress even under all that shock.ย
โDid I stutter, doll?โ Toji gruffly said, walking around your desk until your eye level was at his mid-riff. Your hand tightened around the armrest, slowly dragging your stare up like you could see the truth in his face.ย
โUm, sure,โ you nodded, still unsure of how serious he was. โIf you want to.โย
โI want you,โ he easily shrugged, making his point clear.ย
He wasn't delicate. Wouldn't skirt around shit like your Satoru did. Being blunt was the only way to get it through that pretty skull of yours anyway.ย
โI'll be waiting for you out front at six.โ That was when you usually scampered out anyway, frazzled and exhausted from handling a man child's chores all day.ย
โOkay,โ you spoke softly, betraying your feelings by covering your mouth with your hands, hiding a smile behind them.ย
He turned to leave, but he kept his eyes on you all the way to the elevator.ย
You watched him too. He might have a job to do.ย
Toji was just going to fuck you first.ย
Was this how it felt to have a crush?ย
Well, one that wasnโt hopeless and unattainable?ย
Youโd been wasting years wishing Satoru noticed you. And in a matter of days, someone else had snuck up on you. A spilled coffee. A phone number. And now, a date.ย
When was the last time you'd even been on one?ย
You frowned at your reflection in the mirror, fingers working to undo another button of your shirt and hike up your skirt a little higher. Half of you was disappointed that he hadn't asked you out on a different night, or given you enough time to go home and get changed into something a little more sexy and less like you just stepped out of an investor meeting.ย
But the rest of you was just glad he wanted to go out with you at all.ย
You tried to tell yourself you had less time to overthink this way. That you wouldn't be distracted for days until the date, waiting for him to cancel.ย
But when you walked out of the building at six, leaving a sticky note for Satoru whenever he stepped out of his office letting him know you couldnโt stay late tonight, Toji was true to his word, waiting for you in a beat-up black car.ย
It wasnโt sleek, wasnโt shiny and freshly glossed like Satoruโs, but it looked fast. His window was rolled down, his arm resting on it while his defined jaw unclenched at the sight of you standing there and staring.ย
โYou cominโ?โย
Was it wrong to hope heโd make sure you did by the end of the night?ย
You scampered over, glancing around to see a few of your coworkers looking your way before you pulled open the passenger door and climbed in. His eyes raked over you, that white scar that ran across the corner of his lips twitching up as he smirked.ย
He was broader than Satoru, stockier. All muscles, all man.ย
His dark hair was shaggy, not carefully styled, his sturdy fingers running through it as he measured you the same way you measured him. He mustโve gone home and changed, in a dark shirt that clung to his chest, made you take note of his biceps bulging underneath his sleeves, probably big enough to make them burst if he strained hard enough. Wearing jeans, no name tag hanging on his belt now.ย
But you already memorized his name.ย
Toji.ย
It had been on the forefront of your thoughts all day, right there with the rest of his words. He saw you. He wanted you.ย
Invited you out like it was the most natural thing in the world to do.ย
You were so distracted by, well, everything about him that you forgot to buckle your seatbelt until he stretched across the center console and did it for you. There was something kinda funny about a gruff guy like him taking care of something so small like that for you, grunting under his breath as it clicked into place.ย
Maybe just an excuse to be close to you, to touch you again.ย
You didnโt mind.ย
His attention was nice.ย
You didnโt know what to say though, awkwardly glancing between him and outside the window, wondering what a typical conversation looked like on a first date.ย
โSo, um, do you like your job?โ You heard yourself ask, almost immediately wishing you hadnโt just from his soft scoff, the subtle arch of his thin brow while he pulled out onto the road.ย
โIt pays the bills,โ he shrugged, and you tried to nod sympathetically. You were about to spout out something polite, but then he opened his mouth to talk again, giving you that dangerous bit of side eye that made your heart skip a beat. โBut it ainโt so bad. Gotta meet you because of it, didnโt I, doll?โย
And there it was again.
Doll.ย
Satoru sometimes called you sweetheart, but that didnโt send a shiver down your spine, didnโt have that low rumble to it that gave you goosebumps. When he said it like that, you wouldnโt really mind being a pretty toy for him to play with.ย
โY-yeah,โ you stammered, blushing hard as you tried to swallow your anxieties.ย
You were overworked. Exhausted. Barely making it by on caffeine and four hours of sleep most days. But you were here. In a hot guyโs car being flirted with on the way to a bar.ย
He briefly looked at you before turning back to face the road, but you could see the satisfaction in the crook of his smile.ย
โRelax a little, baby,โ he hummed, reaching over โ and for a second, you thought he was going to grab your thigh. You hadnโt realized it was hope until he just turned up the radio instead. But with a second flash of that scar and that smirk, you were smiling back at him. โWeโre gonna have fun tonight."ย
It still took two glasses of wine for you to start to unwind, a pleasant buzz floating around in your chest, coloring your world in warm hues as he leaned in next to you, his barstool dragged close enough for his muscled thigh to be constantly brushing against yours. A massive palm casually resting on your side, pulling you in every time someone got into what could be considered your personal space.ย
He didnโt talk about himself.ย
Or that much, really.ย
Heโd ask a few questions, then let you ramble. Sometimes, his expression would shift, his harsh and blunt edges softening when you talked about the future, about how you wanted to quit someday, find a job that wouldnโt burn you out. But it hardened a few times too, scowling when you mentioned Satoru, glaring when a drunk guy bumped into you.ย
And yeah, you got it. Your boss was a bit of anโฆacquired taste.ย
It didnโt surprise you that he managed to piss off one of his employees, especially when you spent most of your days cleaning up the messes he made.ย
โWhen did you start?โ You cleared your throat, trying to change the subject back to him. To get to know him properly. To be the best date you could be โ or at least good enough that he might want to take you home.ย
โA while ago,โ he shrugged, another vague answer as he polished off the last of his whiskey.ย
He didnโt even seem buzzed.ย
โI feel like an idiot for not noticing you there before,โ you admitted, tugging down the hem of your skirt self-consciously, shyly looking up to meet his open stare.ย
โSโfine,โ he grunted, unbothered.ย
You didnโt know what to make of him past the fact he was ridiculously attractive.ย
Toji was abrasive. The rough side of the sponge scraping up your silverware, the hard counter edge you bumped into when you weren't expecting it, the sharp rock that sliced open the soles of your feet when you forgot to wear shoes outside. But being around him left you hoping to get cut by him. Fingers crossed that heโd be interested enough to peel you apart and stay long enough to stitch you back together โ even if it was sloppy.
After being surrounded by people who only ever plastered on fake smiles and feigned politeness, he felt like the first breath of fresh air you had in forever. Something raw and real in a world full of plastic.ย
He wasnโt polished. Wasnโt perfect.ย
But youโd never been either. And you were tired of pretending and playing along.ย
You took another long sip of your wine, the last drop lingering on your tongue as you pushed your empty glass forward too.ย
He chuckled, almost appreciatively. Snagging the drinks menu and sliding it back over to you, letting his fingers linger on top of it like he wanted to remind you how large they were.ย
โPick your poison.โย
โI think I should probably get a water,โ you murmured, a little worried he might think that was lame.ย
He ordered you one anyway though, chuckling when you wiped away the ring of condensation from the counter after they took your glass away.
โDonโt wanna get drunk with me?โ He taunted, butterflies in your stomach fluttering when he cocked his head to the side. โIโm hurt.โย
He wasnโt, not really. But you got the feeling he liked teasing you.ย
โI just donโt wanna think this was all a dream tomorrow,โ you laughed, forcing it to sound lighter than it really was. You really just refused to let yourself get so wasted that you might black out an entire date or embarrass yourself in front of him.ย
His eyes narrowed, like he was the one that couldnโt discern if you were being serious.ย
โYou callinโ me dreamy?โ He dryly mocked, and that pretty jaw of his clenched, like it was a joke.
โI mean, itโs just kind of hard to believe a guy like you wants to go out with someone like me,โ you murmured, offering a small smile to the bartender when he pushed a glass of water over to you.ย
โA guy like me?โ He challenged, and you cringed at your ability to stick your foot in your mouth. You didnโt know if you actually offended him, if that was even possible, but you slipped your hand over his.ย ย
โYโknow,โ you drawled, tracing your fingertips over his veins, holding your breath. โAttractive and-โ
He snorted.ย ย
โSo what does that make you?โ He raised a question youโd never really been able to answer. There were labels you assigned yourself, but all those really amounted to was what roles you played for other people.ย
Lately, all you felt like was Satoruโs assistant.ย
Barely your own person.ย
โI dunno,โ you shrugged. โJust me?โย
โI like you,โ he easily said.
โYou donโt know me,โ you pointed back out, bringing your water glass up to your lips to take a sip. Maybe he thought you were pretty. Maybe youโd caught his eye. But there was a difference in that and knowing what your favorite-
โYou stay late even when youโre exhausted. You think of everyone else when no one gives a shit. Show up with coffee and pastries for other people when you can barely afford to pay for your parking pass. You never take your lunch break-โ He was listing facts like he was bored, proving his point with the overhead lights glittering back in his green eyes. You almost choked on your water, and he slipped his hand out from your other one to drag his thumb over your lips.ย
It felt scandalous. Like he was just waiting to commit some grave sin with how slowly he brushed it over your bottom lip, pulling it down just enough to make you wonder what his mouth would feel like, how his taste would compare to his touch.ย
But then he let go, dropped his hand down just to make you miss it.ย
โYou kinda sound like a stalker,โ you giggled, unable to stop yourself from grinning at being seen.ย
There was some faint alarm bell you knew should be ringing, but your head had been emptied out to make room for more thoughts of him.ย
He chuckled, and your chest tightened.ย
โWhatโd you think I was giving you my number for?โ He sarcastically asked, dark eyes narrowing under the dim lighting as he brought his own glass up to his lips.ย
You stifled another smile. โTo pay for my shirt?โ
โI was thinkinโ about getting you out of it.โ
Toji was shameless.ย
And every flirt, every searing gaze of his that stuck to your skin and stoked that fire in your stomach? You were falling for it. For him.ย
Would you be a whore for sleeping with him on the first date?ย
Maybe, but you couldnโt bring yourself to believe it mattered.ย
You were about to suggest maybe returning to your apartment, but your phone started vibrating, and you had to bite the inside of your cheek to hold back your disappointment.ย
โHold on one second?โ You nervously asked, and he nodded.
โSure,โ he barked, all gravelly, not helping the simmering heat still burning under your skin. You pulled your phone out, glancing around the bar for some semi-quiet spot to take the call.ย
You settled on a hallway that led to the bathrooms, heels clicking on the floor as you hurried over, grateful that Toji had chosen a hole-in-the-wall sort of place, one that wasnโt packed with people to navigate through.ย
โHello?โ Your voice waivered, face flushing at the mental image of what your boss was probably doing on the other end. Scowling down at the note you left him?ย
โThe hell are you?โ Satoru whined on the other end, apparently not happy at your absence.ย
โIโm on a date,โ you whispered back into the speaker, just for him to scoff back. The sound of it, even tinny and crackling through the line, fucking stung.ย
As if it was actually so absurd that you could be with someone.ย
โI need you here,โ he huffed. โWeโre supposed to be preparing for tomorrowโs meetings.โ
You tapped your foot, glancing back to the end of the hallway, picturing Toji sitting on the stool waiting for you.ย
โI already prepared all your slideshows. Anything you need should already be labeled and on your desk,โ you muttered, doing your best to still sound professional. Collected. Calm. Put-together instead of just a weak-willed pushover.ย
Toji wasnโt wrong. You spent all your time thinking of Satoru when he really couldnโt care less. You were just convenient to him. That was what he paid you to be.ย
โI canโt find it,โ he grumbled. Lied.ย
โI also emailed everything to you,โ you added, and he didnโt bother to hide his whine of annoyance.ย
Irritated that you had a life outside of him. That your existence wasnโt solely devoted to making his easier.ย
โWho are you even ditching me for?โ Satoru was pouting. You could hear it in his voice.
โIf you really must know, he works in the maintenance department and-โย
He laughed at you.ย
โLeave that loser.โย
Was that what he thought? That the best you could get was a fucking loser?
โIโll see you tomorrow, Satoru.โ You hung up on him. Slipped your phone back in your purse, looking up just to see Toji leaning against the wall across from you.ย
Startled, you stepped back, blinking and trying to figure out how someone as big and broad as him managed to sneak up on you.
โHe botherinโ you?โ Toji grunted, gesturing towards your purse.
โNo, um, just work stuff,โ you lied.ย
You didnโt want to tell him the CEO of the company basically called him a loser. It felt mean, and you were worried heโd somehow think you shared the same impression.ย
โYeah?โ He angled his head down to look at you, and his proximity made your pulse race, wild thumps roaring in your head as he took two steps closer.ย
โI hung up on him,โ you admitted, even though he hadnโt asked. Feeling bold just by being with him, as if you were already getting away with something.ย
โYou wanna give me all that attention instead, baby?โ His voice was deep, a gruff purr that had you nodding.ย
Your obedience earned a pleased hum.ย
And even better, a kiss.ย
The kind that knocked the air from your lungs, his calloused hands cupping your face as he claimed your lips for himself. You kissed him back just as hard, craning your neck up into it, tethering your fingers through his dark locks while you sucked on his lower lip.ย
He tasted like whiskey. But his lips were soft enough to make you overlook the feeling that came with wondering if this was a mistake.ย
If Satoru would fire you for wanting to get fucked instead of running back to fuss over him.ย
Toji wasnโt the sort of guy whoโd let you linger on silly worries though. No, his canines were already tugging at you, nipping at the spots youโd bitten out of stress, one of his rough palms travelling down your body, settling on your waist to pull you flush against his hard body.ย
You wanted to touch him.ย
To pull off his shirt and trace your fingers over all his muscles, map them out and drag your tongue over them. His was busy, already in your mouth, muffling your surprised gasp when his grip on your side suddenly squeezed tight.ย
โFuck,โ he groaned into your mouth, an intangible thread in your stomach pulling taut at the sound.ย
He dragged you back inside the bathroom, the employee one, like he wanted the thrill of fucking you in public with less of a risk of being walked in on.ย
It was sleazy.
But the exhilaration of his hand now on your hip, the way his fingers dug in and wrinkled your skirt as he pulled you through the door, your back being pushed against the cold sink as his mouth latched onto your throat next, it outweighed any rational thought your brain could conjure up.ย
You wanted him.ย
The world could wait.ย
This was more real than anything else your reality had to offer. His tongue licking a clean line up from your collarbone to your jaw, going back to leave messy hickies, claiming you as his. For tonight, at least.ย
Hopefully longer.ย
But you kept that thought to yourself, only letting small whines escape as his hand ventured under your skirt, toying with your panties underneath, slipping two fingers underneath it, testing how much the band could give.ย
You didnโt want to scare him off. Push him away before he'd even put his dick inside you.ย
He seemed like he specialized in one-night-stands. Like he was used to getting who he wanted when he wanted. And really, you were just so fucking sick of being single.ย
Of being lonely.ย
The hand that had still been on your face moved back, suddenly cradling the back of your neck, squeezing enough to make your head tilt back and give him easy access to more of you.ย
There was a vulnerability to it, letting him sink his teeth into your throat, marking you up enough that the bruises would bleed through your concealer tomorrow.
But then Toji was tearing your panties off, easily rolling the flimsy fabric that you truthfully paid too much for, shoving what was left of it in his pocket before prying your thighs apart.ย
You spread them further, your lungs freezing half-full of air as you watched him drag his eyeline down to your exposed cunt, already embarrassingly wet after just a couple hours spent in his company.ย
He hiked your skirt higher, appreciatively admiring it, clicking his tongue as he shoved a thick finger inside you. Clearly, heโd taken note of how much you noticed them.ย
You were gasping before he even made it down to the knuckle. Eyes widening, your hands immediately shifting to claw at his shoulder blades for some stability when you tried to contain your reaction.ย
But Toji wasnโt going to let that slide. Refused to let you hide every lewd reflex โ shoving another finger inside to join the first just to force out a strangled moan at the feeling of him stretching you open.ย
Scissoring you at a tempo that bordered on lethal, only pausing his onslaught of kisses to watch your face when you said his name, all pitchy, almost pathetic. Putty for him with just a couple fingers.ย
โYaโ like that, pretty?โ He grumbled, fraying with impatience, already itching to add another โ or maybe trade his fingers out for something bigger.ย
โMm, mhm,โ you murmured, nodding as you reclined your head back, the cold edge of the counter digging into your skin as he pulled you closer to him just to make you jolt again at the next pump of his fingers.ย
โYou wanna tell me why youโre runninโ from me then, doll?โ He dared, his eyes dark, his lips pulled into a thin line as you shook your head the other way.ย
The intensity he came with was a double-edged sword. Drawing you in one second and threatening to spear you the next. Chasing the high of being fucked full just to run from the burn, the stretch, the pleasure when he pushed you right on the edge of a cliff the next. Finding yourself teetering a tightrope you never meant to walk on.ย
โSโtoo-โ You sounded slurred, even though the only thing you really felt drunk on was him.ย
โHm?โ He waited for you to finish, stalling his next thrust with his fingers buried deep enough to reach a spot that was a little too sensitive, knowingly swirling against it while you squirmed.ย
You were a wreck and he hadnโt even managed to make you cum yet.ย
The too much that had been about to leave your lips replaced with a desperate plea for more.ย
Your skin was hot, sweat sticking to your brows as he dug his fingers deeper, felt the sinful way you squeezed them, panting as tears started to form in the corners of your eyes.ย
There was no running. Being spread and stuffed on a bathroom sink by a handsome man who might as well be a stranger, fingers poking and prodding at all your sensitive spots, readjusting his hand so his thumb could rub over your clit.
โThought you had something to say?โ He wryly mocked, and you were pretty positive youโd forgotten everything except his name.ย
โT-Toji,โ you whined, body stuck, all your muscles wound too tightly, hips arching up to meet his hand.
He kissed you again, harder, rougher. Crashing into you like a tidal wave, dragging you under, lost between him and the pleasure, being tossed around with each thrust of his fingers. Climaxing without even meaning to, not even a conscious choice, just being pulled into the motions as he massaged rough circles over your needy bud.ย
And then you were sucking in air, his fingers pulling back out with a filthy pop! before he brought it up to his mouth and took a taste. Sucking on them and groaning at the second-hand flavor of you on his tongue.ย
โDo you wanna come back to my place?โย
You shouldโve known making you cum once wouldnโt satisfy him.ย
Or twice.ย
He had you up against the wall of his shower, your face pressed against the cool tile as his hips smacked against your ass, pounding into it as he continued to leave more hickies.ย
โThatโs it, pretty,โ he grunted, his thick cock throbbing inside you, swollen tip nudging and grinding against your cervix like he owned it. Dragging himself along your walls, making sure you felt every vein, every ridge, warm water pelting both your bodies. โLook how good you're takinโ me.โย
His hand ran over the curve of your ass, softly patting it. It wasnโt a spank, but you wanted it to be.ย
You shivered as he bottomed back out, leaning against him, mostly held up by him by now. โM-more.โย
โGreedy fucking girl,โ he chuckled, but his voice was raspy too, running his hand back over your ass. โYou want me to spank you?โย
You nodded, embarrassed to admit it.ย
โSay it,โ he groaned, and you squeaked. Surprised at the sudden stall of his cock, feeling yourself squeezing and squirming for him to keep going.ย
โPlease?โย
His hand came down, leaving a harsh smack that made you clench around him more, a moan escaping that echoed in the cramped space.ย
Toji rubbed back over it, his fingers still damp, murmuring something low you couldn't make out under the shower running. But then he was back to thrusting, faster now, like he wasn't finished imprinting the shape of him into you.ย
It was all moans, all skin-on-skin, lewd sounds and heavy pumps, his strokes only getting sloppier when his hand slipped over your clit. Intent on making you cum for him again, his jaw clenched when you tensed up. Planting kisses up your throat, teeth marking you with an unspoken mine when you shuddered and finished, white splotching across your vision as your limbs threatened to go limp.ย
Toji pulled out, finishing on your back just for the water to wash his cum away. Down the drain with the soap suds.ย
He whispered your name into your neck, soft lips tracing back over the mess of hickies he'd left. You were in a haze, brain foggy and chest still full even after your cunt was empty again, leaning against him when he cleaned you up.ย
You never wouldโve guessed he used the same brand of shampoo or conditioner as you. It was funny how many products you mutually had. Even the hand soap was a familiar bottle, new too, hardly used.ย
He dried you off with a patchy towel, wrapping it around you and shutting off the shower. Pulling you back to his bed, half-made navy blankets in a mostly-barren room. The lamp by his bed was crooked, but there wasn't all that much personal stuff laying around. No posters decorating his wall.ย
Nothing else to learn about him from his possessions.ย
โTired?โ He grumbled, tossing you a t-shirt of his.ย
โMhm,โ you yawned, dropping the towel to pull it over your head. No panties, but you figured you didn't really need any to sleep in anyway.ย
You still felt nervous getting into his bed, waiting for him to get in with you. He hesitated, staring at you strangely before he grabbed a pair of boxers from the top drawer of his nightstand and pulled them up his thick thighs.ย
Toji got in next to you, stiff, awkward, before holding out his arm, like he was waiting for you to snuggle up beside him.ย
Maybe he wasn't as much of a man whore as you initially thought.ย
He was acting new to this, holding his breath when you scooted closer, laying your head on his arm.ย
You wondered if heโd ever been soft before. If he was capable of it.ย ย
Even now, you were left with the vague impression thisโฆtenderness wasnโt exactly that. An impression. A mask, maybe, something he wasn't used to wearing.ย ย
But the afterglow was warm. Wrapped in the heat his body radiated, his strong arms sheltering you from the rest of the world as you sighed in contentment, resting on his bicep as you looked up at him.ย
Your phone started buzzing inside your purse on the floor, and you didnโt need to look to know who it was.ย
โSometimes I wish heโd just fucking disappear,โ you mumbled, sighing as you tried to push off his chest to answer it.ย
โStay,โ he growled, grabbing your waist to keep you in place.ย
You pressed your palm flat against him, pushing your lips together in a pout. โI have to answer him.โย
Or heโd throw a fit and make tomorrow hell for you.ย
Toji begrudgingly let you get up, glaring when you bent over to fish your phone from your bag, his scar twitching down as he frowned. โYou ever think youโd be better off if he dropped dead?โย
You laughed, staring at the name on the screen as you shrugged.
โAll the time.โย
You were trouble.ย
Fucking you was supposed to make it easier. Satisfy the stupid urges heโd been plagued with since he saw your face. Since he heard your voice and felt your fingers on his skin.ย
Instead, it sealed his fate.ย
Yours too.ย
Because laying in bed the morning after, watching the subtle rise-and-fall of your chest, finding himself tracing shapes on your skin for the excuse to keep touching you, a fuzzy feeling he couldnโt snuff out was suffocating him.ย
Smothered in the scent of soap and sex and your sweet perfume. Sniffing the shampoo in your hair, sighing at the way his heart beat faster every time you tossed and turned.ย
How long had it been since he slept next to someone?ย
Shared more than a fast fuck? A quick make-out session that never made him feel anything?ย
He snuck out of bed first, readjusting your head to rest on the pillow and pulling up his blanket to cover you before he caught himself.ย
What the hell was he doing?ย
You werenโt his girlfriend.ย
But maybe you could be. If he played his cards correctly.ย
And really, was there anything better than making a bet he knew heโd win?
He found his phone in his jeans, a few missed calls from Shiu waiting. He deleted them. Walked out into the kitchen, opening the door to his mostly-empty fridge, staring at the eggs in there, the few cans of energy drinks, before moving to the pantry. There wasnโt much there either. Rice. Ramen.ย
Stuff for a single guy who didnโt give a shit about taking care of himself.ย
โWhatโre you doing?โ You yawned behind him, all sleepy and sweet, and he glanced back over his shoulder to see you walking over, clutching his blanket to your chest.
โLookinโ for something to make you breakfast,โ he grunted, folding his arms across his chest.ย
You giggled, like it was fucking cute.ย
โGot any coffee?โย
He made it a week of pretending to be a normal guy in a normal relationship before the fractures started forming.ย
Donning his fake uniform and driving you to work and to your place, narrowly avoiding being spotted by your boss and undermining all those pesky security systems to set up for what he was really planning. Using a couple of his contacts to get his hands on something that couldnโt be traced back to him. Moving all the pieces into place while playing boyfriend.ย
He mightโve dragged it out longer โ went another few days, pushed back Gojoโs death date again โ but Shiu wouldnโt shut up.ย
Toji was supposed to be waiting for you outside, wishing for a cigarette and reading your message that your boss was making you help him with one last thing then youโd be down to get lunch with him when his own handler called.ย
โThe hell is taking so long?โ Shiu scoffed over the phone, almost as annoyed as he felt.ย
โCovering our fuckinโ asses,โ he growled back.ย
There was no way he was risking his fucking neck this time. He wasnโt going to jail for this shit โ and he sure as hell wasn't going to let you either.ย
โThe client expects this done-โย
โIโm handling it,โ Toji interrupted him, a gruff growl from the back of his throat.
He had the stuff with him, everything he needed to make you his โ and send Satoru Gojo to an early grave.ย
โTake care of it.โย
Shiu hung up on him.ย
The soles of his boots were heavy on the ground, tapping his foot as he checked the time again. Two more minutes, and he'd call you. The seconds tended to drag by without you there.ย
He heard your voice, faint, still far away, but he turned anyway.ย
You were walking out the main doors of the building, Gojo walking close behind you, his brows drawn tightly together, scolding you. He grabbed your wrist, but you shrugged him off, Tojiโs blood boiling at how handsy that asshole was, touching something that didn't belong to him.ย
All the stares of people passing by, coworkers or not, shifted towards the two of you.ย
Your sad little pout, your chest puffed out and trying to stand straight, while he glared at you.ย
โMaybe I should just fire you,โ Gojo scoffed at you, and you flinched. Toji could feel the vein in his forehead throbbing, fist clenching while you did your best to bite your tongue.ย
But then you surprised him โ and Gojo โ by beginning to speak up, โIโm-โย
โYouโre replaceable.โย
Your face crumpled at how sharply he cut you off. Struggling not to cry, to hold yourself together while he turned on his heel and stormed back inside. Other people pretended to not be eavesdropping, avoiding eye contact when you walked away. Head hanging low, rubbing your eyes, barely paying attention to where you were going until he caught you.ย
You didn't even say anything when Toji pulled you in for a hug, squeezing you against him as you automatically hid your face in his chest.ย
He was shit at comforting people. Had never really known what to say. How to make anyone feel better.ย
But you didn't seem to mind, a few muffled sobs snuffed out when your mouth was pressed against his broad muscles.
โH-he said heโs gonna-โ You tried to choke out, but Toji just softly patted your head.
โDon't worry about him,โ he grunted.ย
He wouldn't be alive long enough to actually fire you.ย
Toji didn't say that though. He let you cry in his car, listened to you vent about your latest argument, wiped away some of your tears with the calloused pad of his thumb.ย
And when your break ended, and you were supposed to go back to finish off your shift, he walked back in with you. Made up some excuse about putting off taking care of the next maintenance ticket, like he hadn't already disabled all the cameras in the building earlier.ย
Usually, he preferred a bullet and brute force. Didn't see the point in a delicate touch and careful preparations. But he'd make an exception for you.ย
This one time.ย
โI think I'm gonna make him some coffee,โ you murmured, still sniffling as you grabbed the stuff you needed for it.ย
Like it would be a truce instead of a death sentence.ย
You didn't know any better. Just scurried around the break room, not noticing when he poured a little packet of powder into the cup the moment your back was turned.ย
โYouโre too good for him.โย
You glanced back at Toji, smiling even though it didn't reach his eyes. Not really believing it, but still appreciating the sentiment.ย
โYou're probably the one person that thinks that.โ
You picked up the cup of coffee, pouring a ridiculous amount of sugar in, enough to cover the slightly bitter powder. You even snagged a can of whipped cream from the fridge, swirling it on top as if your efforts would be appreciated.ย
Two birds. One stone.ย
Or really, two fools and one cup of coffee. That was all it'd take for you to be his and both your problems to be solved.ย
And if it didn't?
Well, his gun was still tucked inside the band of his jeans.ย
โAre you sure you're not going to get in trouble?โย
Toji had gotten on the elevator with you, his hand still slung too low on your waist to be purely polite, brow arched up at your concern for him slacking off.ย
โJust wanna make sure you're alright,โ he grumbled, huffing and looking back at the buttons lit-up on the elevator.ย
You weren't really sure what he was to you.ย
A boyfriend? A lover?ย
But you didn't mind. His proximity was nice. His presence in your life was welcome.ย
Even if it was causing problems with Gojo โ who had made it clear he couldn't stand sharing your attention at all. Hated you having a life.ย
You weren't delusional enough to think maybe he'd change his mind if he met Toji.ย
But your fingers were still unsteady as the elevator dinged and let you off on the top floor.ย
Gojo was sitting at your desk, legs propped up and feet on your paperwork. He was pretty as always, white hair tousled, one of those sharp brows of his casually raised as he glanced between you and Toji. โIs this seriously the guy?โ
He laughed like it was an insult. Ignoring your frown when you walked over to hand him his coffee. He took it though, bringing it up to his mouth but not before scoffing again.ย
โSatoru,โ you hissed out his name, a low warning that he was rolling his eyes at.
He took a long drink, whipped cream sticking above his lips like a mustache before his face paled. The next few seconds slowed, crawling by as you watched him drop the mug, ceramic shards shattering as he choked.ย
You were staring, your brain refusing to process what you were seeing, Tojiโs voice registering behind you but the words not making any sense.ย
What the hell was happening?
Somewhere, the vague thought hit you that something was seriously wrong, that Satoru was dying, but nothing would connect, your body refusing to respond to even the notion of it.
Your mouth fell open, but your scream was muffled by Tojiโs hand. Knees buckling, just for him to catch you in his arm, one arm wrapped around your midsection to hold you up.ย
โHey, hey, I'm here,โ he gruffly muttered, and you clung to that.ย
โW-we need to call someone,โ you stammered, your panicked gasps turning into hyperventilating. This was bad. Really, really fucking bad.ย
โItโs okay,โ he soothed in your ears, turning around so you couldn't see Satoru anymore. Wouldn't have to look when-
You couldn't even finish the thought.ย
โJust breathe, baby.โ
โI-I can't.โ You were trying, but no air would enter your lungs, throat constricting more with each attempt.ย
Toji paused, his palm pressing harder against your back before he stiffened.ย
โWe need to go.โ
You let him lead you back out, his hand on your spine still guiding you forward. One step, and another. Focusing on the rhythm in them, the pattern of the elevator carpet, a crack in the sidewalk, whatever was beneath your feet to stop the image of Satoru from flashing in your head.ย
Was he dead? What could even cause it? An allergic reaction? Poison?ย
Oh God no.ย
He led you back to his car.ย
Toji had parked it further down the street than usual, opening the door for you to get in and buckling you in again. It didn't feel quite as romantic as the first time.
โWhere are we going?โ You asked, voice cracking as you forced the words out. All you really wanted was to sleep, to go somewhere that you didn't have to think anymore.
โDon't worry about it, doll,โ he casually said, shutting the door behind him and walking around to the driverโs seat.ย
โIs he-โย
You couldn't get the question out, and he didnโt answer.
โThe cops are gonna think-โ You started, only just starting to swallow the bitter pill that you were screwed.ย
โTheyโll frame you for it,โ he scoffed, and you recoiled. Surprised at yourself for forgetting what you already knew about the man in front of you.ย
He wouldn't sugarcoat it.ย
Make fake promises to you that this would be fine.ย
โBut I-โ
โDo you want to spend the rest of your fuckinโ life behind bars?โ He growled, and you hated how much of a point he had.ย
You shook your head, fingers trembling as he stilled them with his own.ย
Gojo had a lot of enemies. Any one of them would be happy to let you take the fall.ย
All you'd done was give Gojo a fucking cup of coffee โ and now he was dead.
โThereโs cameras,โ you murmured, ones that would catch you running away from the scene of the crime.ย
โThey've been down half the day,โ Toji grumbled, and you had no idea if that was even a relief.ย
Your feelings were all jumbled, guilt, horror, disgust, regret, even affection and adoration tangled up in there with Toji trying so hard to keep you safe.ย
You stared at him, still shaking, and he leaned across to spare you a heated kiss. Grounding you here with him, his calloused palm caressing your cheek as his pretty eyes narrowed.ย
โI'll protect you.โย
Toji meant it.
The motel was shitty, far enough from the city you dozed off on the drive, but there werenโt any cameras.
No one to watch him carry you from his car and no one to care after he tossed enough cash to cover a room at the strung-out receptionist.ย
You woke up still in shock. Reeling from what youโd seen โ or rather what youโd done.ย
โSomeoneโs gonna come-โ
โNo oneโs gonna find you, baby,โ he promised, and it was one he intended to keep.ย
You curled up on the bed, and he crawled in next to you, letting you bury your face in his chest to muffle the faint sounds of crying. Stroking your hair at first, eventually untucking your shirt from your skirt to trace soothing patterns over the bare skin of your back. Maybe you were scared right now, that was natural.
The first kill was always the hardest.ย
Once you were somewhere safe, once you knew he wasnโt going anywhere, youโd relax. After the news cycle covering your former employerโs death died off, and the investigation went cold, you'd realize that you wouldn't get caught.ย
And if you adjusted better than he hoped, maybe you could be his assistant.ย
Or if not, maybe he could leave this life behind. Find something more stable. Part-time work, or something he could do from home to spend more time with you.
You fell back asleep on him, lashes fluttering as he ran over his next steps.ย
He'd gotten rid of both your cells and tossed your wallet on the drive, slipping the sim cards out and destroying them when he got gas and paid in cash. Someone had probably found the body by now. He'd need to switch cars to pick up the payment from the drop off point, but that wouldn't be a problem.ย
There was a payphone outside, one he could see from the window. He'd call Shiu from it in a few minutes, let you dream on him for a bit longer.ย
The pay for this would be enough for fake passports, to buy some place off grid โ and install a state of the art security system. To keep intruders or officers investigating out.ย
And more importantly, keep you inside.ย
There was nothing better than a bonus for a job well done - especially one as pretty as you.
apocalypse - one
undergroundboxer!kuna x reader [soulmate au]
warnings [mdni] - angst | implied trauma | mean sukuna
wc - 7.3k
series masterlist
โ
ryomen sukuna knew three things about his soulmate.ย
she drank too much caffeine, she slept curled on her side whenever anxiety crawled beneath her skin and whenever she read for hours on end or colored, the noise in his head quieted enough to let him breathe.ย
it was fucking irritating.ย
the first time she got under his skin, it was in the middle of his first match.ย
heโd nearly put his fist through the guy, rage sitting ugly beneath his ribs as blood pooled in his mouth and sweat dripped down his spine.ย
then suddenly, he was overcome with serenity heโd never experienced before.ย
a calmness that wasnโt his own, never his own.ย
something soft slipped beneath his skin then, warm and quiet in a way he wasnโt used to. like somebody had pressed cold hands against the back of his neck after years of burning where he stood.ย
heโd won that match.ย
โagain?โ toji muttered from across the gym, cigarette balanced lazily between scarred fingers.ย
sukuna rolled his jaw once before slamming another punch into the heavy bag hard enough for the chains overhead to rattle violently.ย
โfuck off.โย
toji smirked, tongue peaking out to lick at the scar against his lip.ย
the gym smelled like rust, sweat and the metallic ting of blood that both men were used to. it was a shitty set up buried beneath the city in the lower levels of an abandoned parking structure. it barely looked legal from the outside and the inside wasn't much better.ย
the concrete floors, flickering lights and men all too violent to exist comfortably above ground.ย
and it was the place ryomen sukuna felt alive.ย
sukuna had been fighting since he was fifteen and filled with a rage even he couldnโt understand.ย
toji found him bloody outside a convenience store after some older guys tried jumping him for gambling money.ย
it was clear they didnโt get the money but sukuna took that fire in his gaze out on them.ย
sukuna still recalled the way toji looked down at him, droplets cascading down his sharp features and dark hair, damp cigarette hanging from his mouth while blood dripped steadily from sukunaโs split brow.ย
โyou fight like an animal,โ toji began, taking a drag of his fading cig before tilting his head at the salmon haired boy, โwhat if i told you that you could beat the shit out of guys every day and get paid for it?โย
a fucking dream is what that was. he gets to utilize his anger and he could finally get out of his fatherโs house.ย
how could sukuna even say no?ย
somehow, it turned into this.ย
years later, ryomen sukuna had become the name whispered through underground rings across the city. not because he was the biggest or the strongest, but because he was cruel.ย
there was something deeply unsettling about the way sukuna fought.ย
controlled, almost lazy sometimes. like violence came so naturally to him that he didnโt even need to think about it.ย
people feared men who fought emotionally.ย
they feared ryomen sukuna more because he never did.ย
most nights, he fought beneath screaming neon lights while crowds chanted his name loud enough to shake the walls.ย
they bet on him like he was a sure thing and fuck, did he get a shitload of money from it.ย
heโd leave each night, beaten and bruised with a duffel of cash hanging off his shoulder.
he was living the dream.
that was until he arrived home, in his apartment downtown, and sat in silence while somebody elseโs emotions bled quietly into his chest.ย
a girl heโd never met yet somehow knew like the back of his hand, all too intimately.ย
he knew she liked coffee because of the bursts of energy heโd feel during mornings where he usually slept in because his fights usually carried into the night.ย
he knew she did yoga often because his muscles werenโt as sore as they would get when he was younger and god knows it wasnโt his doing. he didnโt stretch nearly as much as toji nagged at him to.ย
he also knew that she despised him.ย
that one was obvious.ย
their bond always sharpened after his fights. her irritation sat bright and hot beneath his ribs every time he came home bruised and bloody.ย
sometimes he couldnโt differentiate between his own rage and hers.ย
maybe they were more alike than he thought.ย
truthfully, sukuna didnโt know how to do things any differently and frankly, he didnโt care enough to.ย
he hated this whole soulmates shit. why would the universe ever pair two people together with the utmost certainty that they were perfect for each other?
and what fucking masacre did this girl commit to be bonded with him of all people?ย
violence was the only thing sukuna had ever been good at and he wouldnโt change that for anyone, especially some girl who was almost a mere figment of his imagination.ย
he did that sometimes. pretended that he was a non-existent and that he was merely hallucinating her.ย
non-existents made up a very small part of the population and they were essentially humans who didnโt have soulmates. like toji was.ย
lucky bastard.ย
sometimes sukuna believed toji was lying because heโd get this distant look on his face some days, kind of like himself when he felt his own soulmate torment him.ย
so maybe he was a late bloomer?ย
either way, he was in a better situation than sukuna was.ย
โyour girlโs pissed again?โ toji commented dryly from where he leaned against the boxing ring ropes, head tilted with a knowingness sukuna hated.ย
toji was the one sukuna had to confide in because who else did he have?ย
when he was overwhelmed as a young teenager about his soulmate, toji would be the one he would reluctantly go to. the older man had taken him under his wing, so yes, he did trust him more than anyone.ย
he also knew that toji cared about him in his own fucked up way.ย
sukunaโs knuckles ached tonight, phantom annoyance curling beneath his skin that didnโt belong to him. it was her.ย
probably studying somewhere in the city while silently wishing death upon him.ย
the thought almost made him grin.ย
throughout the years, pissing her off became a hobby of some sort, though he knew she didnโt find it nearly as amusing as he did.ย
โat least you know sheโs got personality.โ toji stated once more as sukuna finally stopped punching and turned to shoot the man a glare.ย
โshut the fuck up.โ
toji huffed out a laugh, โgod help you both when you finally meet.โ
the thought made sukuna freeze momentarily.ย
it was almost sad.ย
usually, at least from what sukuna knew, people usually couldnโt wait to meet their soulmates.ย
then there was sukuna, filled with dread at the mere idea.ย
sukuna hated even talking about the bond.ย
he hated how aware he was of her.ย
because despite everything, the distance and never seeing her to begin with, she felt woven into him already, like a haunting.ย
some nights, when his insomnia clawed violently at his nerves after fights, heโd feel her wrap her arms around herself beneath warm blankets god knows where.ย
and sleep came easier those nights.ย
he couldnโt explain it and truthfully, he didnโt like to think about it.ย
he hated talking about her because the truth was ugly.ย
that he didnโt particularly hate her. which is exactly why he knew meeting her would ruin everything.ย
naturally, his solution was to sabotage everything which is why he started to sleep around with non-existents whenever he got the chance.ย
and he knew what it did to her.ย
good. he hoped it made her despise him enough to never want anything to do with him, whether they meet now or twenty years down the line.ย
sukuna didnโt want anything to do with her.ย
โ
you hated downtown on friday nights.ย
it was always too loud and all too crowded.ย
neon signs bled into rain-slick streets while bass-heavy music spilled from every open doorway along the block.ย
girls stumbled across sidewalks in tiny dresses and tall heels, drunken laughter cutting through the humid summer night air while taxis lined the streets endlessly.ย
the city looked beautiful after dark, but you still wanted to be everywhere but here.ย
โstop looking at people with that judgy look of yours.โ shoko muttered beside you, nudging your shoulder lightly as the three of you crossed the street.
โiโm not judging, iโm just looking aroundโฆโ you defended with a huff as you hugged yourself protectively, little kitten heels clicking against the pavement.ย
โyou are judging,โ utahime confirmed, โitโs your classic disgusted and glare-ey look.โย
โwell excuse me, youโre the ones who brought me to crackhead-ville.โ you glared at the two girls as shoko rolled her eeys before hooking her arm through yours anyway.ย
she pulled you towards the entrance of yet another overcrowded building downtown.
apparently, tonightโs party was being held somewhere above an abandoned old bar. or beneath it.ย
either way, something you found entirely too ominous but you were too distracted when shoko was explaining to actually disagree.ย
your soulmate had spent the entire evening restless beneath your skin. not angry but worse.ย
aware.ย
you felt him constantly tonight.ย
a steady pulse of adrenaline humming through your bloodstream that didnโt belong to you.ย
your chest had felt tight since leaving the penthouse, some strange tension settling low in your stomach like your body was anticipating something before your mind could catch up.
it was unsettling.ย
you blamed the lack of sleep, or rather, you blamed him. you blamed him for it all.ย
โew, ewโฆโ you muttered as shoko pulled you through the door into what you could only describe as chaos.ย
warmth and noise hit you instantly.ย
bodies crowded wall to wall beneath flashing lights while music shook violently through the floorboards.ย
cigarette smoke lingered in the air despite the open windows somewhere deeper inside the space.ย
you physically recoiled.ย
โoh my god,โ utahime muttered beside you, laughing softly at the expression painting your features, โyou look horrified.โย
โi am horrified!โย
shoko snorted, โrich kids.โย
you threw her a glare before the three of you squeezed through the crowd until you reached a quieter section tucked near the back of the room.ย
a curved leather couch sat half-empty beneath dim red lights, thankfully far enough from the speakers that your skull stopped vibrating the second you sat down.ย
you exhaled deeply, chest deflating as you blinked up at your friends who were looking at you with amusement.ย
โdrinks?โ utahime questioned as shoko nodded eagerly while you merely hummed, shoulders tense as you gazed around the sea of bodies.ย
utahime disappeared toward the bar while shoko took a seat beside you, the leather beneath you sticky in a way that had you shuddering, sitting at the very edge of the couch.ย
fuck, you hated this and you couldnโt explain why.ย
yes, you hated parties in general but you just felt wrong.ย
โyouโre being weird tonight.โ shoko observed, eyes narrowed on your tense figure.ย
you frowned faintly, โi knowโฆi feel weird.โ
your skin felt like it was buzzing, chest vibrating in a way it usually wasnโt.ย
it wasnโt necessarily bad, but simply off.ย
you felt your soulmate more than ever tonight, you were almost hyperaware.ย
he felt electric.ย
every emotion coming from him felt sharper somehow, close enough that you could almost mistake them for your own.ย
your pulse kept jumping for no reason.ย
fuck, you hated this.ย
โis it devils dick?โ shoko casually asked as your eyes closed momentarily.ย
how would you explain that it was both yes and no.ย
yes, the bond felt different tonight.ย
but no, it wasnโt muscle aches or phantom pain you were feeling on his end, though you didn't want to speak too soon.ย
it was a friday after all. friday nights usually meant bruised ribs by saturday morning.ย
โoh my god, guys!โ hime stood before you, handing shoko her drink before placing a water bottle in your hand, โeveryoneโs saying gojo and his crew are gonna be here!โย
your eyes rolled gently, very much aware of utahimeโs obsession with those random illegitimate fighters.ย
underground fights happened constantly throughout the city.ย
illegal betting rings buried beneath clubs and abandoned buildings, violent enough that respectable people pretended they didnโt exist despite everyone secretly knowing otherwise.ย
your father even told you how known politicians and well known figures even placed bets they hid from the public.ย ย
and lately, there was one name that everyone kept talking about-
โdo you think sukuna would show up?โ shoko questioned, eyes wide with excitement, taking a sip of her cherry vodka as you looked between the two girls.ย
ryomen sukuna.ย
youโd heard it constantly from utahime the past few months.ย
uathime, shoko, sora and percy often went on double dates to these underground fights you had zero interest in.ย
you were very much used to fifth wheeling alongside your friends, that wasnโt the issue. the issue was rooted in the prospect of spending the night in a filthy underground boxing ring riddled with people and violence alike. yuck.ย
still, amongst all the fighters utahime gushed about, ryomen sukuna seemed to be the most known.ย
the undefeated underground fighter with pink hair and a snake tattoo across his shoulders and collarbones.ย
people were terrified of him just as equally as they were obsessed with him.ย
โpercy says sukuna knocked his opponent unconscious in under thirty seconds last week!โ shoko stated, taking another sip as utahime nodded frantically.ย
โheโs insane!โ utahime gushed, โlike, gojo is obviously a show off and just cares about the clout he gets but sukuna? heโs terrifyingโฆโ
utahime continued, you were sure. you could see her mouth moving but you didnโt-couldnโt register the words she'd uttered.ย
the world around you turned hazy, just enough to feel like everything slowed in a way that definitely wasnโt normal.ย
your heartbeat stopped, not metaphorically, but physically.ย
a sharp wave of adrenaline crashed violently into your chest hard enough to steal the breath straight from your lungs.ย
you went still, every muscle in your body tightening instinctively.ย
you could see both of the girls leaning towards you, brows furrowed in concern, mouths moving and uttering words you knew were dipped in concern. you couldnโt hear any of it.ย
you swallowed hard, eyes darting up and around you, as if a siren was luring you towards the crowd, come to me, come, come.ย
fuck, were you drugged or something?
your heartbeat stuttered painfully beneath your ribs, once, twice then again.ย
you felt like youโd been dropped underwater while everyone else remained above the surface.ย
the bond felt raw and entirely too overwhelming.
it felt like standing at the edge of something life-altering, like your soul had recognized something before your mind could catch up to it.ย
for the first time since youโd first felt your soulmate, he didnโt feel far away.ย
you had grown used to the idea of him, something intangible and not truly real.ย
merely a ghost haunting the edges of your nervous system, phantom bruises in the middle of lectures and an adrenaline rush at three in the morning.ย
he was the deep-seated exhaustion that riddled your body but didnโt belong to you.ย
but this felt real. close enough to touch.ย
the sensation crawled slowly beneath your skin, winding around your ribs like invisible string being pulled tighter and tighter and tighter until you thought you might choke on it.ย
the realization hit your bloodstream like a drug.ย
he was here, you knew it. you could feel it in your bones.ย
your eyes darted towards the door that had swung open, summer air rushing inside alongside four figures dressed almost entirely in black.ย
the first thing you noticed was height.ย
they all carried themselves with the same dangerous sort of confidence, the kind that came from men who had never truly feared consequences before.ย
one of them had snowy white locks, the tallest of the bunch, bright enough to catch beneath the flashing lights, sunglasses balanced lazily across his nose despite the fact that it was nearly midnight.ย
another stood beside him, quieter with shoulder length black locks with stretched gauges in his ears and sharp eyes that swept across the room once before settling into bored indifference.
the third one was shorter than the rest but still tall, black locks in two spiked buns with a joint resting between plump pink lips, eyes hooded in a way that exposed that joint not being his first of the night.
they were all attractive in a way that felt almost unfair and dangerous.ย
people moved out of their path without being asked.ย
your eyes turned to the one trailing just a step behind them and your breath caught so violently, it hurt.ย
the salmon colored locks gave him away.ย
ryomen sukuna.ย
tattoos curled dark against tan skin disappearing beneath the collar of a black shirt that stretched across broad shoulders.ย
even from where you stood, you could see the dried blood and bruises across his knuckles.ย
he looked nothing like what youโd imagined from shokoโs descriptions.ย
and simultaneously, exactly like it too.ย
something deep inside you snapped taut, your stomach dropping.ย
you could tell he was dazed too, jaw locked and eyes blinking at a slow pace, eyes looking around the sea of bodies.ย
the soulmate bond surged so hard beneath your ribs, you physically recoiled, fingers gripping the edge of the leather couch.ย
oh god. no, no, no.
oh my godโฆ
โoh my god,โ utahime whispered beside you, though unlike you, she sounded impressed rather than horrified.ย
shoko looked moments away from passing out entirely.ย
โthatโs him!โ she breathed out quietly.ย
you couldnโt answer, breath stilling and hands trembling.ย
because sukuna had stopped walking.
fuck, the realization came slowly enough to feel cruel.ย
maroon eyes met your own and the room around you dissolved entirely.ย the music became muffled noise, lights blurring and the crowd disappeared.
all you could see was him. him. him. him.ย
he was all you could see, feel and you knew all he could see was you.ย
sukuna felt it the second he stepped through the doorway.ย
you.ย
the bond snapped violently alive beneath his skin hard enough that his entire body locked for half a second mid-step.ย
he almost thought someone had drugged him until he remembered he hadnโt even drank anything yet.ย
then what was this feeling?ย
his eyes locked on yours and he felt the most alive heโd felt in his life.
something even the ring and the violence couldn't offer.ย
there you were, all too pretty and wide eyed.ย
he barely heard gojo speak beside him anymore, the lanky man rambling on about some idiot from last weekโs fight who apparently called him out on twitter after.ย
sukuna ignored him completely because across the room sat a girl staring at him like sheโd seen a ghost.ย
and in some ways, he was your ghost.ย
he haunted you and lived under your skin in ways he was sure you didnโt appreciate in the slightest.ย
his soulmate.ย
years of phantom feelings crashed together all at once so violently, it almost made him sick.ย
because the realization hit him harder than heโd anticipated and yes, he had anticipated this.ย
the moment heโd meet his soulmate.ย
well, he dreaded more than anticipated it.ย
it hit him hard because he realized that he knew this girl.ย
sukuna had never met you, yet, he bet he knew you more than the two girls hovering over you. more than fucking anyone.ย
you were the girl whose stress bled into his bones during finals week, the girl who wrapped her arms around herself at night and somehow lulled him to sleep from miles away.ย
you were real.ย
and you looked soft.ย
that was the first thing he took note of.ย
soft skin, soft wide eyes, soft pink shimmery gloss coating your plush lips he recognized only through phantom warmth heโd felt against his own skin before.ย
his soulmate was a pretty little thing, so pretty it almost made his chest ache.ย in your tiny skirt and halter top.
far too fucking pretty to belong anywhere near him.ย
โsukuna?โย
chosoโs voice cut through the haze faintly and sukuna snapped out of it, gaze finally leaving hers to glance at his friend who tilted his head towards the other side of the room.ย
sukuna resisted the urge to glance at you as he made his way across the room.
fuck, fuck, fuck!ย
this couldnโt be happening, this was a fucking nightmare.ย
just as he made it across the room, he felt it.ย
warm fingertips brushing his own skin despite his hands at his sides.ย
his pulse stuttered once.ย
his gaze snapped to yours once more and your eyes widened instantly when you noticed his hand drift to his neck where your own hand was resting.ย
slowly and carefully, sukuna lifted his own hand.ย
his fingers brushed lightly against the side of his jaw, a barely there touch.ย
yet, across the room, your breath hitched sharply as warmth bloomed against your own jawline seconds later.ย
not imagined or coincidence. it was all real, so so real.ย
your stomach twisted violently.ย
oh no. no no no no.ย
shoko was gazing at you, โwhatโs wrong?!โย
you couldnโt answer, eyes stuck on a pair of crimson that held you hostage.
her eyes narrowed as both her and utahime followed your gaze before catching sukunaโs eyes on you.ย
then they both looked between you both a total of five times before realization hit.ย
โwait,โ shoko whispered harshly, hand shooting out to grip your arm, โWAIT.โ
your heartbeat pounded so violently, you thought you might faint right then and there beneath the flashing red lights.
what you despised most is that it made sense.ย
of course it was him. a violent and dangerous underground fighter, fuck, that explained everything so perfectly.
if fate was a person, youโd have her by the neck right now.ย
because sukuna was still staring at you, as if he knew you already and perhaps, he did.ย
then horrifyingly, he smirked.ย
and suddenly, you understood exactly why the entire city feared ryomen sukuna.ย
sukuna moved before he could really think about it, jaw clenched but determined.
one second he stood on the other side of the room and the next, his body was already weaving through the crowd toward you like the bond itself had wrapped invisible fingers around his spine and dragged him to you. you. his soulmate.ย
people moved instantly to let him pass.ย
you took note of that immediately.ย
you noticed the way conversations died around him, the way bodies shifted out of his path and nobody dared touch him, even accidentally.ย
it was fear, you realized. people feared him.ย
the recognition made your stomach twist.ย
โoh my god,โ shoko whispered harshly beside you, nails digging into your arm, โheโs coming over here!โย
โi can see that.โ you hissed back faintly, though your voice barely sounded like your own.ย
fuck, you should leave. you should absolutely leave.ย
except, you couldnโt move, body drilled to where you sat, frozen in place while ryomen fucking sukuna rossed the room toward you like some predator chasing prey.ย
closer and closer and closer.ย
until suddenly, all his 6โ4 glory was towering above you.ย
your breath caught embarrassingly hard.ย
up close, he was worse.ย
taller than youโd imagined and broader too.ย
there were faint bruises scattered along his jawline beneath the dim lights, on the very spot that you woke up feeling sore. fresh cuts healed across his knuckles.ย
and his eyes, god, they looked at you with the same recognition burning through your own chest.ย
sukuna looked down at you for a moment too long.ย
fuck, you were even more ethereal up close.ย
that thought hit him first and annoyingly hardest.ย
his pretty little soulmate sitting curled into the edge of a leather couch looking at him with wide doe eyes, almost expectantly with a mix of fear and restraint.ย
โhey.โย
his voice slid down your spine like smoke.ย
low, dangerous and rough in a way even your mind couldnโt conjure up.
fuck, was this really happening?
your throat tightened instantly, โhi.โ
the word left you horrifyingly softer than youโd intended and sukunaโs lips twitched at the sound.ย
your voice was his favorite sound, instantly.ย
โum,โ shoko hummed, eyes wide as she shared a glance with utahime, โweโll give you two a second.โ
you almost wanted to yell in protest, but the two girls were already shuffling away, shooting you encouraging looks.ย
as you glanced up at the dangerous man once more, you felt your heart still in a way you hadnโt ever felt before.ย
not in fear or apprehension but calm.ย
he made you feel calm, your body stilling and quieting in a way you hadnโt expected.ย
regretfully, fuck, you despised it, but when that gentleness overcame you and you looked up at himโฆ
his disheveled pink locks, his handsome rugged features and his dark eyes, all of it was him.ย
and you felt stupid for trying to deny that this man was your soulmate.ย
who else would it be?ย
โiโm sukuna,โ he stated lowly, moving to take a seat beside you, leaving an appreciative distance between you, โryomen sukuna.โย
your name left you softly with a nod.ย
as you gazed at each other, the same realization overcame you both.ย
even with barely an introduction, you knew each other.ย
while sukuna had only fond memories of what youโd done for him, your mind was riddled with poisonous ones.ย
this was the man who often trained in the middle of the night, filling you with soreness and a rush of adrenaline that left you sleepless most nights.ย
he was the one who fucked other girls knowing what that put you through.ย
your heart clenched.ย
beyond all those things, he was the one who hugged himself to sleep after that one night of utter hell.ย
he was the one who held a hot water bottle to his stomach when your cramps left you nauseated and pained in bed.ย
as much as you wanted to forget those things, to snap yourself out of the sad patheticness that riddled you, how could you?
how could you when those were the only memories that kept your hope that he wasnโt a total monster alive?
your eyes travelled along his bloodied knuckles, โyou get those a lot.โย
sukunaโs fists instinctively clenched at the attention.
โand you burn yourself with whatever you do your hair with at least twice a week.โ
your eyes widened instantly.ย
โand you get punched like every other day!โย
sukunaโs mouth twitched and you hated how your eyes drifted towards the movement and your heart stuttered.ย
โbarely.โ sukuna stated cooly, a small smirk painting his features.ย
your eyes drifted toward him again before you could stop yourself.ย
and then you remembered.ย
every phantom feeling, every sleepless night and every ache.
all attached to him.ย
the violence, the pain, the girls.ย
your jaw tightened, "youโre not exactly the best person to be connected to, you know.โย
sukunaโs expression didnโt shift much, still cool, but you felt it.ย
the hollow drop in your stomach that wasnโt yours. guilt.ย
real and immediate, it almost made you laugh in disbelief.ย
of course he felt guilty, he had to know he was a fucking nightmare.ย
sukuna leaned back slightly, jaw working once as his gaze flickered away from yours for half a second, โyeah, i bet.โย
your brows lifted, โthatโs it?โย
his eyes returned to yours, low and indifferent.ย
you scoffed, anger bubbling up so quickly, it nearly startled you, โthatโs all you have to say?โย
sukuna let out a breath through his nose, โwhat do you want me to say?โ
โoh, i donโt know,โ you let out a sharp little laugh that held not an ounce of humor, โmaybe sorry would be a good place to start?!โย
sukunaโs head tilted, โsorry.โย
you stared at him in utter disbelief before a laugh left you once more, this time softer and dripped in something worse than anger, โwowโฆโย
sukunaโs eyes borrowed, โwhat?โย
โyouโre unbelievable is what!โย
โyou asked for sorry.โย
โnot like that!โ you nsapped, voice rising just enough to have your cheeks flushing, โnot like youโre apologizing for stepping on my shoe!โ
his expression hardened slightly and you felt it immediately, the irritation beginning to curl beneath his skin.ย
ugh, you hated how the closeness made both your emotions so heightened.ย
โyou have no idea what you put me through,โ you continued, voice trembling despite you rbest efforts, โnone.โย
sukunaโs gaze darkened, โdonโt do that.โ
โdo what?โย
โact like i wasnโt there too.โย
you blinked at him, something hot and ugly twisting in your chest.ย
was he for real?ย
โyou were there?โ you repeated quietly, โyou were there?โย
his jaw clenched, โdonโt-โ
โno, please,โ you leaned forward slightly, anger sharpening every word, โexplain it to me. because to my knowledge, you were the one making my life miserable while i was the one trying to keep us both sane!โ
sukuna looked at you for a long moment, jaw clenching and unclenching.ย
the lights washed over his face in flashes of red, making him look even more unreal than he already did.ย
โyou think i wanted this?โ he stated more than asked and your heart clenched.ย
hurt shot through you, your eyes growing glassy against your will because you knew he wasnโt referring to the pain heโd put you through.ย
he meant the soulmate thing in general, fate as a whole.ย
he didnโt want you.
you bit the inside of your cheek, willing your tears to stay in your eyes before breathing out, โno. but neither did i.โย
silence settled between you then, not peaceful but loaded.ย
sukuna could physically feel your hurt and his eyes dropped briefly to your hands where they trembled in your lap.ย
your fingers curled instantly, too proud as you hid the movement.ย
it was too late. heโd seen it.ย
even worse, heโd felt it.
โi didnโt know.โ he stated lowly and you froze.ย
your eyes flickered up, โwhat?โย
his tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek, expression unreadable.ย
โat first,โ he clarified, โi didnโt know what it did to you.โย
your chest tightening, knowing what he was referring to and his words didnโt soothe you in the slightest.ย
โand after?โย
in fact, it made it all worse.ย
especially as he said nothing.ย
your face fell slightly, all the anger in you cooling into something quieter and melancholic.ย
โafter, you knew.โย
his gaze remained on you as his fingers flexed once against his thigh, โyeah, i knew.โย
your eyes burned and you hated yourself for it.ย
you hated that it still hurt despite knowing already, you hated that hearing him say it aloud made it real in a way the bond never had.ย
โwhy?โ you asked, the one word absolutely humiliating as much as it was devastating.ย
sukuna looked away first and somehow, that hurt too, โbecause it was easier.โย
your lips parted faintly, โeasier?โย
he lout out a grunt, โif you hated me, you wouldnโt look for me.โย
the words settled between you like something deadly.ย
for a second, you genuinely couldnโt speak.ย
then you did, โthat is the stupidest, shittiest thing iโve ever heard.โย
hsi eyes snapped back to yours, scowling, โcareful.โย
โoh, fuck you!โ you hissed lowly, โyou donโt get to do that! you donโt get to hurt me on purpose and then act like it was some noble sacrifice.โย
his jaw tightened, โit wasnโt noble.โย
โyeah, no shit.โย
โit was necessary.โย
you laughed once, incredulous, โnecessary? well, congrats, you got what you wanted, i absolutely fucking despise you.โย
sukunaโs jaw clenched, eyes glaring at you, โgood. because you donโt know shit about me, this saves us both the hassle.โ
โi donโt know you?โ you shot back, โi know you more than anyone, probably. i know your body hurts more often than they donโt. i know you clench your jaw when youโre mad. i know you canโt sleep because of your nightmares and unless somebody practcially forces your nervous system to shut down, you could go days without it. i know youโre so angry at the fucking world, it makes you so hateful.โ
sukuna went still, too still.ย
you swallowed hard, eyes burning once more, โand i know that for years, i was the one cleaning up the damage you left behind.โย
his eyes darkened, โcleaning up?โย
โyes,โ your voice cracked despite yourself, โme. i was the one hugging myself to sleep because you wouldnโt. i was the one stretching every morning because your body always felt like fucking concrete. i was the one coloring like a goddamn toddler at three in the morning because it was the only thing that made your anger stop choking me!โย
sukuna said nothing and you hated that even more.ย
you wanted him to argue back, to answer, to fucking care.ย
โdo you know how pathetic that feels?โ you whispered, โtaking care of someone who kept hurting me?โย
his expression shifted, barely, but you felt it again.ย
the guilt, even deeper this time.ย
sukuna looked at you like he wanted to say something cruel and couldnโt quite manage it, settling with, โyou didnโt have to do all that.โย
your laugh came out watery, tears now trickling down your heated cheeks.ย
fuck, you felt nauseous, you felt so fucking sick.ย
โyeah, i know that now.โย
something passed across his face then, a flicker of pain so quick, you almost missed it.ย
but the bond didnโt allow you to miss anything. you felt it bloom in your own chest, sharp and unwanted. his.ย
for one terrible second, you almost let it soften you.ย
almost.ย
because there it was again.ย
that tiny, stupid sliver of hope youโd spend years nurturing because it was the only thing that kept you mildly sane.ย
the one that whispered that maybe he wasn't all cruelty. maybe there was something beneath all that violence and pain.ย
maybe the boy who held a hot water bottle to his stomach when your cramps got bad had to exist somewhere inside the man sitting in front of you.ย
you looked at him then, through your blurry vision, really and truly looked.ย
the hard line of his jaw, the coldness in his eyes and the casual arrogance sitting across his shoulders like armor.ย
and that hope crumbled quietly inside your chest.ย
not dramatically or all at once, but piece by piece, like something old finally accepting it had been dead for a long time.ย
utter disappointment filled you then. you should have known better.ย
this shouldn't be surprising.ย
sukuna had spent years telling you exactly who he was, painting you the worst image of himself and you had hoped it was just that.ย
the worst of himself.ย
except the worst was all of him.ย
sukuna was cruel. not because he didnโt know better but because he did.ย
because heโd known what hurt you and decided hurting you was easier than wanting you.ย
you swallowed around the ache in your throat, suddenly exhausted in a way a thousand years of sleep couldnโt fix.ย
all you wanted was to be home now, cuddled up with ani in your room alone.ย
โright,โ you whispered, nodding once to yourself.ย
sukunaโs brows pulled together slightly, โright what?โย
you pushed yourself to your feet, smoothing trembling hands over the front of your skirt because you needed something to do. anything that didnโt involve looking at him.ย
โthis was enlightening.โย
his eyes narrowed, โsit down.โย
the command sparked something sharp beneath your ribs, the thorn twisting in your heart.ย
you let out a hollow laugh, โfuck you.โย
his jaw flexed, โdonโt make a scene.โย
your name left him then and you hated the way your stomach fluttered at the melody of it in his voice.ย
fuck, your heart hurt.ย
because he was your soulmate.ย yours.
because some sick, twisted part of you had expected the universe to redeem itself when you finally found him.ย
you expected the first moment to feel like every story youโd grown up hearing, witnessed amongst your friends.ย
warmth, recognition and relief.ย
instead, you were standing in front of the man who had turned your body into a battlefield and your heart into collateral damage.ย
โi hope i never see you again.โย
something flickered across his face then and you didnโt stay long enough to decipher it.ย
you turned around, the crowd swallowing you almost immediately as you walked away.ย
music slammed back into your skull, bodies pressing close as you pushed through them with shaking hands and blurred vision.ย
your chest felt too tight, lungs too small for the oxygen your body ached for.ย
behind you, you felt sukuna rise before you saw it. the immediate pull.
his presence growing closer and your heart stuttered stupidly.ย
some miserable, pathetic part of you sparked alive at the thought before you could kill it.ย
maybe he did care.ย
maybe he was going to take back all the words he regretted, that he would stop you and apologize properly this time.ย
he would say what youโve been waiting years to feel.ย
the thought was so humiliating, it almost made you sick.ย
โfuck are you lookinโ at?!โย
you heard his voice aimed at the crowd of people that were watching you both, probably since your conversation on the couch.ย
you shoved through the door and stepped into the narrow hallway outside the main room, the music muffling instantly behind you.ย
the air was cooler here, damp with rain and cigarette smoke, blue neon bleeding through the cracked windows at the end of the corridor.
you took in a breath like you hadnโt breathed in days, eyes shutting as your heart hammered against your chest, trying to simply process everything that had taken place.ย
โhey.โ his voice followed you out and you froze, heart stilling.ย
stupid, traitorous thing.ย
you turned slowly, eyes fluttering open.ย
sukuna stood a few feet away, tall and shadowed beneath the hallway light.ย
away from the party, he seemed even more dangerous. less like a person and more like a warning your body had spent seven years failing to understand.ย
he was an enigma.ย
for one breath, neither of you spoke.ย
your hope stood there too, fragile and shaking, fucking pitiful.ย
waiting.ย
sukunaโs gaze dragged over your face once, catching on the wetness beneath your eyes and his expression tightened faintly.ย
say it, you thought bitterly.ย
say sorry! say you didnโt mean it!ย
say something!
his jaw worked once, โno one can know.โย
your brows furrowed, the hope dying cleanly.ย
โexcuse me?โย
sukuna stepped closer, voice lower now.ย
his mouth opened to clarify when his gaze met your own once more.ย
your wide glassy eyes. your pretty face that was streaked with tears, your plump bitten lips.ย
the little sniffles that left you, making his ribs ache.ย
and suddenly, he froze, the words stuck in his throat.ย
fuck, he had to get it together.ย
โabout this.โย
your lips parted faintly, โabout us?โ
the word us felt absolutely pathetic in your mouth.ย
all too soft and hopeful. undeserved, even.ย
something in his eyes shifted at the sound of it but it was gone before you could hold onto it.ย
โthere is no us.โย
oh. you actually felt that one.ย
not through the bond, nor as some phantom ache borrowed from him.ย
the pain was yours, all yours.ย
you laughed once, quiet and disbelieving as you took a small step back, โwowโฆโ
sukuna followed you, taking one step forward as his jaw clenched, โlisten to me-โย
โno,โ you shook your head slowly, voice trembling, โno, i think i understand perfectly.โย
โoh my god,โ you shook your head, โi canโt believe i thought-โย
you stopped, humiliation burning up your throat.ย
sukuna stared, taking a step closer, his chest now brushing your chin, โthought what?โย
his voice was almost desperate and you swallowed, blinking hard, โnothing.โย
his face tightened and he felt it anyway, of course he did.ย
the hope and hurt.ย
the fact that some tiny, unbearable part of you had wanted him to come after you because he simply couldnโt let you leave.ย
sukuna looked away first as you took a step back. fucking coward.ย
โitโs dangerous.โ he stated as you stared at the side of his face.
โdangerous?โย
โyes.โย
โfor who?โย
his gaze cut back to yours, โfor you.โย
you almost laugh but he continued before you could.ย
โpeople know me and if they know about you, theyโll use you. you make me weak.โย
the words landed colder than you'd expected.ย
sukuna watched you closely, as if waiting for the fear to register and maybe it did.ย
somewhere deep, deep down, but anger got there first.ย
โso thatโs what this is?โ you whispered, tears leaving you without you noticing, โdamage control?โย
his silence was answer enough and you nodded faintly, tears burning hot once more.ย
โright.โย
โyou need to keep your mouth shut about it.โย
you flinched before you could stop yourself and sukuna paused, regret flashing through instantly.ย
โdonโt talk to me like that.โ you stated lowly and his jaw clenched.ย
โiโm trying to keep you safe.โย
โoh, how big of you.โย
the hallway seemed to shrink around you both.ย
outside, rain tapped gently against the glass.ย
inside, bass thudded like a second heartbeat through the walls.ย
you looked at him then, this man that fate had tied to you with an invisible string and cruelty dressed up as destiny. and for the first time since youโd felt him at sixteen, you stopped wondering what it would be like to find him.ย
because now you knew and god, you wish you didnโt.ย
it felt like losing something youโd never even had.ย
โis that all?โ you questioned lowly, clearing your throat once.
sukuna stared at you, nose flaring and throat bobbing once, โyeah.โย
another piece of you gave out as you nodded, โokay.โย
the word was so calm, it made his eyes sharpen.ย
you turned away, walking past him but his hand caught your wirst before you could takeย full step.ย
skin met skin and the bond went silent, completely and utterly silent.ย
no buzzing or aching or distance.ย
just him, all warm and real. terribly real.ย
your breath hitched at his touch. it was the first time heโd ever touched you.ย
sukuna froze too, fingers wrapped around your wrist like heโd touched fire and couldnโt make himself pull away.ย
for one second, just one, all the cruelty fell quiet.ย
and you felt him beneath it, scared and lonely, wanting and waiting.ย
you felt it and you hated him for letting you feel it now.ย
slowly, you looked down at his hand then back up at him, โlet go.โย
his grip tightened by a fraction, โthis is the best thing for the both of us.โย
your face crumpled before you could stop it.ย
you pulled your wrist free and this time, he let you.ย
โoh, trust me, not having to be stuck with you? i couldnโt agree more.โ venom laced your words as sukunaโs expression changed, tightened and you felt the hurt then.ย
sharp and immediate and you were glad for it.ย
you turned and walked away then, tears streaming down your cheeks and a sob left you as soon as you were out of his vicinity.ย
for the first time, the bond didn't feel like a thread pulling you closerโฆ
it felt like noose.
โ
an | was so late with this but had the worst past few days so SORRY! anyways PLSSS lmk what u think cuz i'm iffy abt the direction of this BUT this is lowk my fav thing i've written omg! this is kinda like a prologue pt2, next chapters will deffo be longer! i cannot wait to write more of these two and sukuna's a dick but bear w him ! also each chapter in the masterlist will be titled a song and i recommend listening to it while reading for the vibes ๐ซก
also lowk need toji BAD i wanna give him some lore so lmk if u want a one-shot of him in this au!
