Poems for the boy of the stars

This is the place where I will tell our story

[poetryformyself]

I want to tell you that I would like to be able to create in real life, when I’m awake and everything feels closer to the heart

When I’m in my world I make up a life where I visit memories and I allow myself to be a child, from time to time i cry but I enjoy life

I create colors and perfect seasons, I baptize constellations and I don’t mind the order of the planets, the moon comes out when she wants to and the trees tell the story of what happen in this place

If I could, I would tell you to visit, that way you would finally know the season with your name, in it the sun shines more than when summer comes around, but there are spontaneous downfalls for the tears that you once caused, flowers of every color anywhere I go and the starts come out from 9 to 5, while every sunset lasts more than they should

If I could create in real life, I would tell you there is a season after you

[poetryformyself]

I had a dream about you last night, it was covered in pink and stars

I find it funny cause those are things i don't really think about, not since I was a little girl

I dreamt you were holding my hand and kissing my forehead cause I'm not as tall as you

In my dream I look up at the sky and the starts are shinning and I remember when I was 6 and went to the roof to draw under the stars.

My dream is a world covered in pink and tenderness. My heart will always be tender when it comes to you

Cause for a little while sunsets didn't matter to me but we live in a never ending sunset during my dream

I wake up

You are not next to me

I'm not next to you

We never got the chance to do that

Now I see why you wanted to wake up next to each other so badly

I miss you

I'm never not missing you

Jaqueline M.

[poetryformyself]

When I was little I used to write about other people, their feelings and experiences, that made me think I wasn't a good writer, cause I couldn't put my own emotions in paper.

Now I'm older, and since you made my world pink and tender I been writing to the starts.

Now I write to the starts and you.

Maybe the sadness you gave me finally pull the writer out of me.

Jaqueline M.

[poetryformyself]

I think

I think

I think

That's the only thing I do these days

Right now he interrupts my thoughts of you

He looks at me at the red lights

He holds my hand

He gives me candy and it doesn't come close to the sweetness of your presence in my world

And I think

I just think

He holds my hand and I'm two worlds away, passing the real world and my own world

Now I'm in my daydream of my days next to you

And, am I really here?

Or am I just trying to reach reality

The light turns green

He doesn't let go of me

I keep scaping

Jaqueline M.

[poetryformyself]

I'm at a point in my life where I don't know you anymore. It's not only the fact that we don't talk every morning, is that I don't know if you still order black coffee cause you don't enjoy the sweetness on your palate for too long, I don't know if you still listen to "rosas" when you drive or if that song has past it's expiration date, I don't know if you still keep the stars on the roof of your room, sometimes I wonder if you still avoid horror movies and if you are still trying to make your mom proud.

I don't want to say you are out of my life, cause you're not, but we go parallel to each other, we are not intersected, not anymore, maybe we never were.

But sometimes, you call, just to ask me how I'm doing and for a few minutes, just a moment of the day we are more than lines, we are the boy and the girl who felt everything and have never known how is that people say goodbye forever when they feel something real.

There are things that might not change.

If you are wondering, I still like black coffee with a bitter taste, but i haven't drank coffee in more than a year. I only wear dresses when my days are not red, do you remember the way I used to love blue days?

From time to time I think about yellow days, the days when the sun used to hit your face and I can't forget, they are forever in my memory, just like the night of the first kiss, I don't forget the stories you once told me.

That's why I haven't visited that place in months and if one day you read this I would like to think you know exactly the place I'm talking about.

But maybe you won't know, maybe you already forgot, I don't know, I can't ask.

It's not that I think you won't answer, Its that I know you will only tell me the truth because of our policy of honesty and I'm not ready if the answer is no.

I like to think you remember, cause you used to remember everything, but maybe that has changed. And if you are wondering, I'm already working on my capacity to show how I feel.

I still hate sleeping with the lights on, I haven't finished learning piano and I'm doing good with norwegian.

But if what you are wondering is why am I never the first to break the silence, is because I miss you and I still haven't figured out how is that people declare something like that in front of another beating heart.

Did you already discovered why you're not happy?

I'm still in the process of that.

Maybe one day we are going stop being parallel lines, for more than a couple of minutes, we will be perpendicular and I hope you order black coffee, so we can remember the conversations connected to that bitter taste, ironically we both know those were the sweetness moments.

I hope you smile when I order the same thing as part of an old tradition.

I hope you tell me your mom is proud and that you still listen to "rosas" in the car while driving. Maybe I'll tell you that I finally learned how to play piano and I'll be wearing a dress because the day is blue or yellow, most likely yellow if you are around.

And maybe I will be the first one to say "I missed you".

I don't know.

Honestly I don't know.

Lately I don't know.

I don't know you.

But I hope that if the day I been painting in my head ever happens, I can know you again, this time around we will be older and hopefully more sensible, with less pain and healded scars. I hope that while you drink your bitter coffee you talk to me about the sweet moments of your life and tell me your discovered how to be happy and why people say goodbye when they feel everything.

All i know is you and I felt everything. 

Jaqueline M.

[poetryformyself]

I been thinking about the time when you looked like the sun and i wore long  sleeves you didn’t think So if you hear me leaving you, would you pretend it was just the wind? Cause i know i cant love you, you still dont know where i been I feel like im falling down falling down im falling down im falling down  Tried as much as i could to be that person Why are you coming back to me? just drop the act my honney drop You are so critical, you know i love you but the truth is you are difficult so you acusse me of being cynical And you can say “hey, i been calling” and i’ll say “hey, im really sorry” then we’ll agree to stop rolling We fell in love so easily but all we do is talk about the fact that we messed up and i try to play it off but i know i’ll miss you  and i guess i will never stop i guess i will never know What if i say im sorry and you take the broken pieces of my heart I can let you put it back together Maybe i do mean the things i tell you in my dreams but i dont know where we took the wrong turn I’ll just keep thinking about the time when you were the sun so i started wearing sunny dresses and i didn’t think.

Jaqueline. M,

[poetryformyself]

I feel like I'm over you, but this Friday you asked about my plans for the weekend and I didn't answer till Saturday, cause this is me trying to get over you. And I didn't mind that you didn't say anything after I told you I didn't have plans. And I was really happy with myself for not caring that much, but it's 5:39 am and I woke up cause I fell asleep wearing my jeans, I changed into my pijamas and checked my phone. There it was, 3 notifications from you, you reacted to some of my posts and also mentioned me on a comment under a meme, I checked the time and you did that 3 hours ago, wich means it was 2:39 am. Why is a part of me happy that you thought of me at two am? just like I used to think of you. I thought I was getting over you.

Jaqueline M. 1-09-19 5:46

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[poetryformyself]

Currently waiting for the day you don't visit my dreams anymore.

06-06-20 5:39am J.M

[poetryformyself]

When you met me I was just the girl you had to work with and you were the boy I didn't like. Then I was the girl who liked books and you were the boy who was nice to people. After that I was the girl you friend liked and you were the boy I had to work with. I became the girl who knew how to draw and you the boy who helped me out with my homework. Soon I was just a nice girl and you a nice boy. But without realizing it I was the girl you wanted to drink coffee with and you were the boy with stories I wanted to listen to. For a little bit we were a boy and a girl who wanted to get to know each other. I blinked and I was the girl drawing in your arm and you were the boy drawing in mine. Not a second has passed and we are a girl and a boy drinking coffee and laughing and that's when I'm the girl who is so different from what you thought and you are the boy who makes me laugh like I didn't know I could. I'm the girl in the passenger seat and you are the boy singing Lady Gaga at the top of his lungs. I'm the girl staring at you and you are the boy who sings without a care in the world. That's when I'm the girl thinking "oh no, I like you" and you are the boy with his eyes on the road. Soon I'm the girl you invite to hang out with your friends and you are the boy making me nervous. Again, I'm the girl your friend likes and you are the boy sending me silly photos and asking me if I have seen how beautiful the moon looks. I don't know how I'm the girl who gets jealous when you give attention to other girls and you are the boy who asks me to stay a little longer. The same night I'm the girl who lies to her parents and you are the boy sneaking out to see me. Not long after we are kissing and I'm the girl with butterflies in my stomach and a beating heart while you are the boy who gives tender kisses and touches me like I'm made of glass. You are planting flowers inside of me. That's how I become the girl you like and you become the boy I like, so we can become the boy and girl that kiss at any chance. Suddenly I'm the girl in your arms and you are the boy who holds my hand, but I'm also the girl in your bed and you are the boy that makes me feel like the little girl who wanted the fairytale. I'm the girl who holds back and you are the boy of the stars. I'm the girl giving you so many of my first and you are the boy taking my hand making sure I'm okay. I'm the girl who can keep up with your friends you are the boy who wants to spend every day with me. You still are the boy of the starts and so many other names I have given you. Right now I'm the girl with sad eyes that cries at night and you are the boy who left without saying goodbye. My boy of the stars please come back home I don't want to be the girl with sadness in her eyes anymore. I know pretty soon I'm going to be the girl who gets over you but you will always be the first boy to make my heart beat.

I'm trying to figure out who I am

[poetryformyself]

Ironic, that's the only word that fits me these days. Just think about it, I want to be next to you and go to our world of four walls with our fake stars that don't shine anymore. So we can play to be human that know how to make love. But at the same time I pray to the universe that our paths don't cross, cause I'm afraid of what can happen. Maybe we'll see each other and smile, feel all the things we left behind, maybe we are going to pretend nothing happened or maybe we are going to pretend we don't know each other. All I know is ironic is my favorite word these days, cause I'm dying to be with you but at the same time I wish for you to be out of my life forever. And ironic is what I hope for life to be if that means not saying goodbye forever.

Jaqueline M. 18-08-19

[poetryformyself]

Now that I think about it, what we had and what we could have, it doesn't feel real from your side. We were at the top of our emotions, but now I feel kinda empty and you don't seem to be having second thoughts.

15-06-19 J.M

[poetryformyself]

Our story greets us with paper victories. Contaminated eyes from the pain of other people.

Our loot in war is just a false story of victories that will leave nothing.

Only one satisfaction.

Thinking that owning the heart of the other person makes us dominate the art of feelings.

As if having control over someone else can make us stronger.

Look at us now.

Look at me now, I want to say I miss you.

My paper victories are worth nothing.

14-06-19 J.M

[nekoasktheocs]

Send me a number!

1:Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

2:Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

3:If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

4:Do you find it easy to trust others?

5:What were you doing at 11PM last night?

6:You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

7:What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

8:Are you close with your dad?

9:I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

10:What are you listening to?

11:You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

12:Do you like hickeys?

13:What time do you go to bed?

14:Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

15:Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

16:Do you always answer your texts?

17:Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

18:When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

19:Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

20:What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

21:Is anyone else in the room with you?

22:Do you believe what goes around comes around?

23:Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

24:Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

25:In the past week, have you cried?

26:What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

27:Do people ever call you by your last name?

28:Is anyone ignoring you right now?

29:Do you have a best friend?

30:Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

31:Who was your last call/text message from?

32:Are you mad at anyone?

33:Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

34:How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

35:How many more days until your birthday?

36:Do you have any summer plans yet?

37:Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

38:Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

39:Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

40:Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

41:Do you think age matters in relationships?

42:Are you available?

43:How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

44:If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

45:Do you believe exes can be friends?

46:Do you regret anything?

47:Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

48:Did you ever lose a best friend?

49:Was your last kiss a mistake?

50:Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

51:Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

52:Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

53:What was the last thing you ate?

54:Did you get any compliments today?

55:Where are you going on your next vacation?

56:Do you own anything from other countries?

57:Are most of your friend guys or girls?

58:Where have you lived most of your life?

59:When was the last time you took a long drive?

60:Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

61:Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

62:Who do you text the most?

63:What was the last movie you saw?

64:What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

65:How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

66:Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

67:Do you curse around your parents?

68:Are you happy with where you live?

69:Picture of yourself?

70:Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

71:Have you ever been dumped?

72:What do you most like about making out?

73:Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

74:When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

75:What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

76:Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

77:Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

78:Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

79:What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

80:Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

81:Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

82:Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

83:Do you miss your last sweetie?

84:Last time you slow danced with someone?

85:Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

86:How can I win your heart?

87:What is your astrological sign?

88:What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

89:Do you cook?

90:Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

91:If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

92:Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

93:What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

94:Name four things that you wish you had!

95:Are you a player?

96:Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

97:Are you a tease?

98:Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

99:Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

100:Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

101:Hugs or Kisses?

102:Are you too shy to ask someone out?

103:The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

104:Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

105:If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

106:Do you flirt a lot?

107:Your last kiss?

108:Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

109:Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

110:If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

111:Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

112:Does someone like you currently?

113:Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

114:Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

115:Ever made out with just a friend?

116:Are you happier single or in a relationship?

117:Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.

[poetryformyself]

This is what it feels like when I want to say I miss you

[poetryformyself]

Do you know that feeling when you are close to someone so you look them in the eye? Do you know that weird feeling when you want to look into someone's eyes but as they get close to you it becomes hard to focus? We were laying in bed, looking into each other's eyes and you got so close to me i felt like we were kissing even though our lips weren't touching. I was trying to look at your eyes but you were too close to me, you said "look at me please" and I said "you are too close I can't focus", you laughed and said "I want to be as close as I can". At the moment I though it was weird how on board I was with the idea of having you so close we could be one but I didn't mind. Now I realize, it's not just that my sight gets blurry, I'm out of focus in life if you are close to me.

Jaqueline M. 02-09-19 this is what you got me thinking during class.

[poetryformyself]

You fucked me up and I'm the only one to blame .

Jaqueline M. 03-09-19

[poetryformyself]

Do you know that feeling when you are close to someone so you look them in the eye? Do you know that weird feeling when you want to look into someone's eyes but as they get close to you it becomes hard to focus? We were laying in bed, looking into each other's eyes and you got so close to me i felt like we were kissing even though our lips weren't touching. I was trying to look at your eyes but you were too close to me, you said "look at me please" and I said "you are too close I can't focus", you laughed and said "I want to be as close as I can". At the moment I though it was weird how on board I was with the idea of having you so close we could be one but I didn't mind. Now I realize, it's not just that my sight gets blurry, I'm out of focus in life if you are close to me.

Jaqueline M. 02-09-19 this is what you got me thinking during class.