i almost lost my hearing.
the day i found out i was going to lose it anytime, i realised how i failed to really cherish the simplest blessings of life. naturally, i asked God, why? i know He is purposeful with everything. even suffering. i asked for prayers but my soul was grieved. i love listening to music, i enjoy silence... i love everything about the ability to hear! but listening to music wasnât permissible and wasnât really enjoyable. silence was/is unachievable--there is a loud ringing in my ear. it grows louder in quiet places.
i asked myself if i used my ability to hear to the fullest. all 27 years. did i take it for granted? did i use it for good? then i turned to the future and had questions like, until when will i be able hear laughter? what does silence sound like when you canât hear anymore? will i hear him say i do?
my soul had nowhere else to run.
i turned to His word; i was comforted. God assured me that itâll all be okay. if i lose my hearing or if i keep it. i am still functional. i can still help, i can still be there for people. iâm still here. and i will still hear HimâHe assured me that iâve already been truly healed. healed from my shame. healed from my sins.
He opened my eyes to the sufferings of others. friends, family, people all over the world, losing their loved ones. there are others who have it far worse than what iâm going through. what iâm losing will never compare to the loss theyâve experienced. but as a believer, i was reminded..what is all this suffering iâm experiencing compared to the glory that awaits me in Heavenâwhere my body will be finally renewed. this is a chance for me to exercise my faith. God loves me, but values my soul and spirit more. this body, with or without the ability to hear, will come to pass.
Romans 8: 18-25
(18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, [a]in hope 21 that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. 23 And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. 24 For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.)
today, more than one month later, i can still hear. my left ear is 100% okay. the pressure and infection in my middle ear is gone. i donât know how much time i have left with my right ear. could be days, could be years. iâm doing my part in taking care of it. the day it loses its ability to function, i will probably cry and cry and cry. but really, thereâs very much more to life (: iâm choosing to hope.
and the object of my hope is in Him and His word.
thank you to all my beautiful family, friends, and prayer partners. you guys have been awesome company for my soul. everyone has enough trouble on their plates this 2020 but you took the time to encourage, grieve and pray with me. i praise God for putting every single one of you in my life. i hope that i can be there for you too when the suffering is beyond words. i want to pray and intercede on your behalf too. maybe we could heal together..? we can trust and hope together (:
ANYWAY i love listening to this track! itâs an instrumental version of a song that i love. here are some of the lyrics. (the track is just so captivating. it takes me to a different world~~)
Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And through it all, through it all
It is well
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And it is well with me
And far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see
And this mountain that's in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And through it all, through it all
It is well Lord
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And it is well with me